I want to do something different with this guide.
I realize that every day there are literally thousands of women searching this website for information on how to get their ex boyfriends back. So, pretty much everything I have ever written for this site has gravitated towards that.
However, I have been thinking a lot lately. I feel every once in a while it is a good idea to take a step back and re-evaluate things.
Getting an ex boyfriend back is not an exact science. In fact, I would say that there are more fails than successes. That is just the way things are. While my advice has helped hundreds get their exes back I have also witnessed some colossal failures and have seen what they have done to people.
In a way I feel responsible for you. I know that is a strange thing to say because we have never met but I genuinely want you to get the best out of the relationships in your life. So, for the first time ever I am going to be covering a topic that can extend beyond an ex.
The things I talk about within this guide can apply to your ex boyfriend, your current boyfriend, the guy you are about to go on a date with or pretty much any guy out there.
What is this topic?
Kissing!
Your Work Starts Before Your Lips Lock
I am a guy so I know what goes through a guys mind when it comes to kissing. Granted, I don’t have as much experience as some guys but that is probably because I am very selective about who I try to kiss. Of all the girls I have kissed there is only one kissing experience that comes to mind that makes me upset. Ironically, it was that kissing experience that taught me to be selective.
I guess the point of me opening up and telling you this is that if a girl can make me want to kiss her she has really done something special because I am ultra selective. So, by that logic if you can make me want to kiss you then you should be able to make any guy want to kiss you.
Luckily, I am going to show you exactly how you can make a super selective kisser want to kiss you.
Ironically, your work is going to start before the kiss is going to happen.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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The Two Major Factors You Have To Have
When I really sit down and think about kissing I can easily identify two main factors that every girl needs to have in order to make a guy want to kiss her. Now, I do feel it is important to note that I am going to be very detailed when it comes to these two factors. I am sure that at least one of these factors isn’t going to sit well with some of the women reading this guide. Care to take a guess at which one of these factors I am talking about?
- Your Looks
- The Connection
If you guessed “your looks” then you would be right.
Hmm.. lets just get this out of the way and just talk about looks right now.
Your Looks
Looks matter when it comes to getting a guy to make a move.
I know that sounds so superficial (and it is) but this is literally how guys think. So, lets dive a little bit deeper down the rabbit hole that is a mans mind.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI want to conduct an imaginary experiment for a moment. Lets pretend that we get a Victoria’s Secret model to go on a date with (the guy you are interested in, your ex boyfriend, your boyfriend, etc.)
Hmm… any one of these will do:
Why a VS model?
Well, right now that appears to be what society dictates as beautiful so a model will have to do.
If any one of those models were to tell your guy:
“If you want to kiss me I will let you”
What do you think the chances are that he would take her up on that offer?
Well, I don’t have an exact percentage in front of me but something tells me that it would be high.
Now, lets switch our little experiment up for a moment.
Instead of placing your guy on a date with a Victoria’s Secret model we are going to put him on a date with someone… a little less attractive.
Ok, I lied someone really unattractive..
Now, before you start the hate mail I do want to say that this picture is meant to be a “joke.” It is actually from that funny Ben Stiller movie, Dodgeball. The point of this all is that she is made up to be unattractive. Interestingly, the actual actress is named Missi Pyle and she is drop dead gorgeous.
Anyways, now that I have kind of made you hate me less lets get back to our experiment!
If the ugly girl in the picture were to ask your guy the same question that the model asked him:
“If you want to kiss me I will let you.”
Soemthing tells me the percentage of guys that take her up on her offer will be a lot less.
Essentially I created this experiment to prove that looks do indeed matter to men (SHOCKER RIGHT?)
However, I will say that looks aren’t everything. In fact, they are only half of what it takes to get a guy to make a move on you, kiss wise.
The other thing you need to do a good job at is creating a meaningful connection.
The Connection
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe above factor was all about looks. This factor is all about the emotional side of things.
When I talk about “the connection” what do you think I mean?
It’s kind of hard to pin down isn’t it?
I suppose an argument can be made for the connection having to do with chemistry. However, when I stop and think about it I really don’t think that’s it. The connection I am talking about here is something else. To be quite frank I am not sure I can even explain it.
(Of course, I am going to have to make an attempt.)
We are talking about kissing here so “the connection” argument has to be structured around that. I suppose the best question to ask is:
What kind of connection has to be made to get a guy to kiss you?
The thing that you have to understand about men is that we like to feel wanted. However, we don’t want to feel too wanted. So, I guess I am saying that we have to feel the right amount of “wanted.” This certainly factors into the connection that you have to build with a guy. In other words, you have to make a guy feel admired without triggering any thoughts within him that may make him think you are being too overbearing.
Another factor that goes into this “connection” I keep talking about is comfortability. How comfortable is he around you?
If you really think about it, taking a chance and trying to kiss a girl is a big risk for a guy. In fact, many men worry about it constantly throughout a date.
Is she expecting a kiss? If so, when should I do it? Will she kiss me back? Will she turn away?
You see, for a guy, when it comes to kissing one of two things can happen.
- A girl can accept your kiss.
- A girl can reject it
I would like to talk about option number 2 specifically.
I have been rejected for a kiss two times in my life and let me tell you it embarrasses me to this day. Not because of the rejection I felt afterwards but because of how badly I misread the situation. Though I will say that I also feel shame that I put someone in a situation where they had to reject.
What does any of this have to do with a “connection” or comfort?
Well, in my mind the two go hand in hand.
The more comfortable a man feels around a woman the more likely his connection with her will strengthen. However, it is also true that the more of a connection a guy feels with a girl the more likely it is that he will feel comfortable around her.
Now, I am no dummy and realize I have skirted the issue of explaining the connection “in depth” for far too long. But of all the things I have talked about throughout this site this is the one thing that I can honestly say I have a hard time explaining because in many cases it is unexplainable.
However, I will do my best to explain how you can create this allusive connection because I think that is really what you are after here.
How To Create An Emotional Connection With Someone
(If you would like more information on creating an emotional connection with an ex please learn more about my E-Book.)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizFor me it all starts when I get in bed and try to go to sleep.
As my eyes shut I am constantly thinking about the day ahead and what I have to get done. However, this time something is different… instead of falling asleep relatively quickly I lie awake thinking about someone.
What do I think about them?
Maybe I daydream a little bit about what a day would be like if I let them into my life. Perhaps, I dissect something they said and how it relates to me. Or maybe I just marvel in how pretty they are. Whatever the case, for me, it starts at the end of the day and ends at the start of it.
Wait… What?
Yes, this is what I have found to be my own personal way of discovering if someone has a potential “kissing connection” with me. As I fall asleep I am thinking about them and as I wake up I am still thinking about them. It may sound weird to you but this is literally how romantic feelings have worked for me ever since my first crush in Jr. High.
This is the “feelings” part of the connection I keep going on and on about.
If you can become a mans first and last thought in a day… well, you are doing something right.
So, I guess you are wondering how you can create this type of connection. Well, it is all going to start with the planting of an idea.
Like inception ;).
The Idea Of A Future
What we are trying to do here isn’t going to be necessarily easy. However, if you understand the concept and follow my instructions it can be a very powerful way to be lodged in a mans mind and once you are in there it is only a matter of time before he puts his “kissing moves” on you.
It is all going to start with an idea.
The idea of a future.
Whether we admit it or not, most guys want to see an amazing future with an amazing girl in it. What we are going to be doing here is inserting you in the role of that “amazing girl.” The only question on the table right now is how are we going to do that?
Well, I think the first thing you should do is some daydreaming yourself.
I already know that you are interested in the guy who you want to kiss you because, well, you want him to kiss you. So, what kind of feelings do you get when you daydream about a potential future with him?
(If you are trying to get your ex to kiss you just bear with me I will cover your situation in a moment.)
Are those feelings:
- Happy?
- Exciting?
- Butterfly inducing?
- All of the above?
The point of this exercise is so you can understand that the way you feel about this potential future with him is the same way that he has to feel about you for this to work.
So, now we have come upon the million dollar question.
How do we plant this idea of a potential future in the mind of a man?
Well, the first thing you need to understand is that if this guy likes you he is going to be automatically looking to daydream about you. All you have to do is give him a push in the right direction on what to daydream about. One of the things that always seems to work on men is if a girl says the following statement.
“One of my favorite things to do is to go on trips. I love traveling and seeing the world.”
It is a relatively simple statement.
There is nothing controversial about it at all. So, why is it that this statement is the starting point for a daydream for men? Well, lets dissect it for a bit.
“One of my favorite things to do is to go on trips.”
This little statement is really the important part because it does a number of interesting things to a guy. A girl who says she likes to go on trips means that, that girl is willing to travel. Thus, the option of potentially going on a trip with a guy is on the table. I also want you to notice that the statement didn’t specify if this girl likes to go on trips alone, with a group or with a special someone. A guy is going to wonder this after hearing it and that is all its going to take.
Once he begins thinking “hmm.. I wonder if she likes going on trips alone or with a special someone?” you have him.
Why do you have him?
Because, inevitably when his mind wonders about you going on a trip with a significant other he is going to put himself in that role and experience the emotions that go along with it. Like a virus this daydream will spread. It may take a while but it will spread.
Pretty wild huh?
Now, I would like to talk more about this but in the context of a couple who has broken up.
The Idea Of A Future With An Ex
(For more information about getting an ex boyfriend back and planting the idea of a future please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
The rules change a bit in this case (as you have probably already realized.)
Why?
Well, it is hard to create a daydream about a future with an ex because your ex already experienced that “future.” To make matters worse the two of you broke up so it’s not likely that he is going to look back very fondly on your time together.
I am sorry but that is just the way it is.
So, I guess the question you are wondering is if this “daydream inception idea of a future” can even work?
The truth is that it can work but it is not going to be as easy to pull off since you are in a very interesting situation. I guess the first thing I have to tell you is that instead of piggy backing off of an unknown daydream where, lets face it, reality usually never compares you are going to be piggy backing off of the most successful aspects of your previous relationship.
In other words, you are going to have to subtly remind your ex about an amazing time you had together where both of you were genuinely happy.
An important thing to note here is that this is not meant to be anything sexual. It needs to be more emotional than physical if that makes any sense.
So, a good example of this would be if a couple had amazing conversations by the water frequently.
In this case you could probably say something like:
“Isn’t it amazing when you can just go for a walk or sit by the water and have a fulfilling conversation?”
There are a few things that I feel need to be noted with the statement/question above. Firstly, I want you to see that the woman who said this statement clearly didn’t specify that walking around the water and having conversations is something that she used to do with her ex. It is almost like it is implied. She didn’t specify it because it is going to force her ex to remember how good it felt to actually do that (be by the water and have those conversations.) The idea is to fill an ex up with the amazing feelings he felt during that time and almost “re-ignite” his connection.
If you do this enough times then he will have no choice but to kiss you.
How To Make Any Man Want To Kiss You
Looks, connection, future… now that we have all that stuff out of the way we can turn our focus to the actual “kissing” part of this guide.
The truth is that making a guy kiss you isn’t as hard as you may initially think. However, I do want to say that since we are dealing with another human being with his own thoughts and feelings this is not a guaranteed science. It is entirely possible that you can do everything “right” and still not see it happen (of course, that is unlikely.)
So, where should we start?
How about with society.
Societal Expectations Of A Kiss
What I am about to talk about in this section is pretty important so listen up!
Society expects a lot out of men on a date.
(I alluded to this in an earlier section of the guide.)
So, when it comes to kissing of course it is the mans job to initiate one. This little fact can cause a lot of stress within guys. I have been on multiple dates where all I could think was:
“Am I supposed to kiss her? Are we to the kissing stage yet?”
Obviously the situation is a little bit different if you want to get an ex boyfriend to kiss you (someone who has no problem kissing you.) However, I think even in that case a certain amount of stress is involved. Instead of an ex thinking “should I kiss her?” it is likely that he is going to think “will it be ok if I kiss her?”
I guess the point I am trying to make here is that societies expectation that it is the mans job to kiss a woman creates stress in all men in one form or another.
Women often make the mistake of leaving a man out to dry with his stress. I can’t tell you how many dates I have been on where I was at that “kissing crossroads” thinking whether I should kiss a girl or not only to NOT do it because I didn’t feel the girl did a good enough job of de-stressing me.
All it would have taken is a prolonged hug, a soft touch of my face and I would have been ready to initiate.
In other words, men are constantly looking for signs if it is ok to kiss you or not. Lets go over a few of those now.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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Showing Signs That You Are Ready For His Kiss
If a man wants to kiss you he isn’t going to do so until he deems it “safe.”
In the end, kissing, for men, all boils down to one simple fact, the fear of rejection.
No man likes the feeling of being rejected. So, most of us won’t take a risk unless we know that we won’t fail. Of course, there are always exceptions to rules but for the most part men look for signs that women give off to say “its ok to kiss me.”
I would like to go through a few of those now.
A Prolonged Hug
I have found that there are two types of hugs.
There are the casual “hey, what’s up” hugs and then there are the prolonged hugs where neither person wants to let go of eachother.
Which one do you think matters more to men?
If you said a prolonged hug then you would be right.
Look, it is easy to hug someone and let go very quickly. In fact, in America it is probably considered rude if you don’t do this with some of your friends. However, when two people hug eachother for a very long time there is something much more meaningful about the hug.
How does the prolonged hug relate to kissing?
Well, it all boils down to touch.
Obviously what we are shooting for here is to get your ex or any guy to make the first move and try to kiss you. However, in order to get him to do that you have to let him know that you are ok with it. In order to do that you have to let him know it is ok to touch you. This way he gets comfortable with the idea of touching you which will inevitably lead him down the path to kissing you.
It is almost like you are leaving these little hints (like breadcrumbs) down the yellow brick road. Except instead of Oz being at the end of it your lips are.
Prolonged hugs are a great way to drop a hint that you are ok with the idea of him kissing you.
Now, the key to a great prolonged hug is to leave a guy wanting more.
One of the hardest things to do is let go or quit something prematurely, especially when you are enjoying. However, that is exactly what has to happen here if you are going to have a chance of leaving him wanting more. So, when you initiate a prolonged hug I want you to hold it until you know you have him hooked into the hug.
How do you know when you have him hooked?
Simple, he will squeeze you tighter or rest his head on your shoulder. Once this happens I want you to pull away and let go of the hug.
If you do this correctly he will actively try to hug you again which is an indicator that he wants more.
The Hair Flip
I don’t know if this is something all girls do or if it is just the select ones that I have experience with.
However, I have noticed this strangely amusing thing that girls do whenever they appear to be interested in someone.
They flip their hair behind their ear.
Sometimes it is really obvious and sometimes it is really subtle.
The “hair flip” that I am talking about in this context is more of a flirty thing. I searched the internet to find a gif that I could use to show you what it looks like but I had a lot of trouble finding exactly what I wanted. The closest I could find was a picture of Kate Middleton laughing and doing the hair flip.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“It just looks like she is a bit nervous and laughing to me.”
While that may be true you have to remember that what you may perceive as one thing men perceive as something entirely else.
Imagine for a moment that you and your man (your ex or a guy you are interested in) are at a quiet little restaurant. Lets make the restaurant really romantic. So, there is going to be an amazing view of the water and a sunset in the background. The restaurant isn’t very crowded so it’s mostly just you and him sitting there with the odd couple here and there spread throughout the room.
Now, if he were to say something very flattering to you and you reacted just like Kate Middleton did above.
(Doing the sexy hair flip behind the ears with a little awkward giggle or laugh)
Then your guy would perceive it as if you really liked what he said.
In other words, consider it another breadcrumb laid towards your lips ;).
Lets move on to another important aspect of kissing, location!
Location Matters
This may be a weird thing to say because it is usually men that need the “romantic” advice but if you want a guy to kiss you, you need to be romantic too.
This means that you have to put yourself in a romantic location where your chances of him initiating a kiss are raised.
When it comes to location men have two layers.
- The awkward romantic location layer
- The connection within the location layer
Allow me to expand.
The Awkward Romantic Location Layer
Men have a secret that they don’t want you to know…
We like being in romantic places too.
It’s just that we are really really really bad about showing it. I mean, how often have you been on a date before where a guy has asked you “where would you like to go” rather than actually choosing a romantic place himself?
The truth is that we want to be romantic but we don’t want to lose our “man cards.”
It is already common sense that being kissed in McDonald’s isn’t going to be the same as being kissed at the top of a ferris wheel. So, whenever a guy asks you “what would you like to do” for a date instead of being stupid (yes I called you stupid) and giving back the generic “I don’t know, you choose” response why don’t you suggest something that is actually romantic? Something that will drastically improve your chances of getting kissed.
Now, I do feel it is important to note to not go all full blown romantic here.
What do I mean by that?
Well, for one thing I don’t think its a good idea if you recommend going on a big expensive trip to some super romantic place. That is a lot of pressure and the poor guy doesn’t need any more of that. No, suggest something like going to a place with a romantic view.
A walk on the beach during a sunset. A nice little picnic.
You get the idea.
The Connection Within The Location Layer
Pretty much a huge theme within this guide is connection.
So it makes sense that the location of your kiss should be one where you can establish a meaningful emotional connection.
Probably the best insight I can give you into this has to do with other people. It can be a mood killer if there are other people around.
Imagine for a moment that you are at a nice romantic restaurant watching the sun go down on the water. Both you and your guy are sitting next to each other holding hands. You look into his eyes as he looks into yours. The two of you start inching closer together. This is it. The moment is finally here. He is about to kiss you…. and then the waiter comes over.
“Can I get anything for you two?”
“Yes, you can go to h***” you think to yourself.
First off, you have a bit of a potty mouth don’t you?
Secondly, it can be a total mood killer if you put yourself in a place where an emotional connection can constantly be interrupted by other people.
I guess the moral of this small section is to choose a place where an emotional connection can be rebuilt or established and make sure other people are limited so there are no interruptions.
Making Him Kiss You
(Want to put all the stuff you are learning into practice with your ex boyfriend? Here is how!)
We are almost there!
This is the part of the guide where I talk about what you need to do specifically to actually get him to initiate a kiss.
Before I get into the good stuff lets do a quick recap at the things you were supposed to do up until this point:
- You have to make sure you look amazing.
- You have to have established an emotional connection with him.
- Create the idea of a future with him.
- Show him signs that you are ready for him to kiss you (a la breadcrumbs.)
- Understand that location matters to men too.
The very first thing I want you to do has a lot to do with touching.
I want you to go back to the breadcrumbs section and read about the prolonged hug. The prolonged hug is great because it allows you to get close to your man and it also allows him the ability to do this:
Now, while the couple in this drawing are probably kissing (which is good for them I guess) the thing that I want you to take note of is where the males hands are in this drawing.
If a guy puts his hands on your hips it is a really good sign. It could mean that he is just about ready to initiate a kiss. Of course, like any guy out there he is going to have to have the woman tell him it’s ok.
So, lets imagine for a moment that you and your guy are in a position where you are very close and his hands are on your hips and your hands are on his. How in the world are you going to tell him that it is ok to kiss you without actually telling him?
Simple, it all has to do with eye contact.
Instead of looking at his chest or something else I want you to look him right in the eye.
This is the really important part because you cannot break eye contact at all.
Are you supposed to say anything when you do this “no breaking eye contact thing?”
No, I seriously just want you to be really close to him and look him right in the eye.
What is supposed to happen is that an awkward silence will occur (or maybe an awkward eye contact is more accurate.) Whatever the case, that little head in his voice is going to turn on and he is going to have a quick debate with himself.
“Do I kiss her? What if she rejects me? Hmm… well, she did do the hair flip and she gave me that really long hug at the beginning of the date. But what if she rejects me?”
This is when you move a little bit closer (but not so close that it’s you who initiates the kiss.)
“Wow, is this happening? Does she want me to kiss her? Oh what the heck, I am going to go for it.”
Congratulations! You just got him to initiate a kiss.
Now I guess the ultimate decision on whether you should accept it or not is up to you.
Have fun!
LoveSick
May 1, 2016 at 9:30 pm
I have a problem. My boyfriend’s mom is a teacher, and she doesn’t want him to date. His friends all like me, and then he broke up with me, because to many people knew. Then, via one of my besties, he told me it was a fake break-up to get people off our trail. And he has the most adorable, dorky, sweet smile, and I love him with all my heart, and he loves me the same. Help!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 9:39 am
HI lovesick,
how old are you? if it’s a fake break up then why didn’t he tell it to you straight?
Lakshmi
June 12, 2015 at 10:21 am
Stupid advices. In fact there is no need to read advices or articles like this. Man and woman has been created with natural sexual instincts. When a man needs to mate with anwoman or the other way, our species is built and wired enough to act sexually and in the most natural way. Any du b article or advice such as tjos only going to make people act fake and act like a loser.eople! Use ur brains and be natural! Use your own sexual instincts and act. You will feel empowered 100 times more tha any dumb advice you follow from on here. Lol! What a joke this is.
Denna
December 17, 2016 at 1:22 am
Yet you’re giving advice on the natural instincts of sexuality, on an article your saying individuals shouldn’t be reading, which why are you reading in the first place if you follow your own sexual instincts?
Chris Seiter
June 18, 2015 at 1:57 pm
I am sorry you feel that way.
Though I tend to think my advice to people is better than you think.
Shayne
April 27, 2015 at 6:18 am
I’ve been following your plan this whole 3 months and yesterday I got to meet my ex boyfriend. We called it closure. But then we still kissed and he told me its nothing. He’s been flirting with another girl and he told me he’s not serious about her. Now i dont know what to do next. Is is the end? Pls help 🙁
lauren
April 19, 2015 at 7:47 am
I want to try the 30 day no contact experiment but I work in the same building as him and he always says hi to me if we pass each other …. do I ignore him ? and we are both going to a leaving party for a friend from work next week so how do I act ?
AJ
December 1, 2014 at 8:41 pm
Show up, look good smell great and chat usually works.
If there is a spark/connection you will see it by the glint in one another’s eyes. I simply ask him “would you like to kiss me?”….never been declined YET!
Danielle
May 11, 2015 at 3:50 pm
Not always he might say no
rachael
October 7, 2014 at 4:26 am
Well my ex is going out with my best friend and she told Me to get over him cuz he is taken so I cry all the time because she makes fun of me and I don’t really like her. But anyway he treats me well he just said let’s take a break but then he says i love you to me and he said he means it but he said he loves her too help. He also calls me each night and he is all like baby I love u I dunno y I broke up with y and I haven’t been replying to him
rachael
October 7, 2014 at 4:23 am
Well my ex is going out with my best friend and she told Mr to get over him cuz he is taken so I cry all the time because she makes fun of me and I don’t really like her. But anyway he treats me well he just said let’s take a break but then he says i love you to me and he said he neans it but he said he loves her too help.
Nana
June 21, 2014 at 12:35 pm
Is it a bad idea to try to go to my ex’s house and try what this article says? Is it a bad location?
Nina
March 9, 2014 at 11:39 am
Hi,my boyfriend, or ex, called me to break up with me on two days ago because we had a fight and he thinks we were both too busy for each other. We agreed to meet 2-3 days later to talk about it. But he sounded quite sure about breaking up. I think I would try to save this relationship. I wrote an email to him on the day he called to break up, then I did nothing. I’m quite independent, and I’m really busy with my work. That’s why he thinks I care about work more. But I do care about him, it’s just, I can’t give up my career. I’m not sure what I could do to get him back next week. Can you please tell us tips when bf wants to break up with you, what to do?
Thanks.
admin
March 10, 2014 at 5:39 pm
It wouldnt be fair for you to give up your career.
I think you just need to make a little more time for him…. Make him think he is a priority.
Gabriel
March 8, 2014 at 9:06 pm
Well my ex and I broke up a week ago, and it was because he wanted to grow spiritually and walk with God, would these advice actually work on him?
admin
March 10, 2014 at 5:22 pm
They might…
Madison
January 14, 2014 at 5:06 am
Okay so I am doing the NC rule and he texted me and I never said nothing then he added me on snap chat , and his snap chatting other girls did he move on ?
admin
January 14, 2014 at 5:54 pm
Not necessarily.
Leila
January 11, 2014 at 12:34 am
Hi, just a quick question that I would really appreciate a male perspective on, so a guy approached me about 2 weeks ago at the gym after following me around for about an hour and asked me on a date but I turned him down with a very lame excuse of having a very busy schedule which he knew was rubbish because he kept persisting but anyway he gave up and we exchanged names and parted ways.
I should mention now that I am a very shy person which is why I turned him down,he caught me by surprise and I realised when he was walking away that I made a huge mistake and really wanted to say yes.
I have tried to get his attention lately to try to explain to him that I wanted to take his offer,but he avoids eye contact and goes out of his way to avoid me now and its hard for me to start a conversation because I am worried he will say something mean because he is mad I turned him down the first time.
How do you think he feels? Will he think im less of an ass if I explain to him im just a shy person and I would like to go out sometime? Or have I blown it and should respect that he wants to be left alone?
Thank you!
Isabel
January 4, 2014 at 8:34 pm
Great guide!
I really like this guy in my class and about two-three weeks ago we hooked up, but haven’t really talked a lot since. Only I have initiated contact with him two times. I will meet him again in about a week when we both have a test in school.
1. If he hasn’t initiated any contact with me, does that mean he is not interested?
2. How should I act when I see him? Could I use the push/pull effect in this case? (Not show him that much interest so it will make him more interested)
admin
January 5, 2014 at 7:52 pm
I think if you see him in person just stare gracefully into his eyes a lot. Make him look away a lot. Make sure he has a lot of feelings towards you.
rach
January 3, 2014 at 3:06 pm
Ok, so yesterday was the first day since I’ve seen or text with my ex in about three weeks (basically since I backed off after the messages went out for us to try things again). So anyway yesterday was the first time things really felt normal, like we were both really comfortable with each other. I pretty much let him initiate any conversation or anything still tho, mostly because I want him to show me that he wants to talk. He was actually playing around with me a little too throughout the day. He asked me about my divorce and how things we’re going and he told me in person that he was happy for me that things were working out for me. (Take note that he said that). I had decided though that I wasn’t going to text him at all, let him keep opening doors. So about an hour before he knows I go to bed he shot me a message saying:
“I don’t remember if I told you today but congratulations on everything I am really glad that things are working out for you!!!!”
I thanked him and after a little while he told me again that he was very happy for me. I again thanked him and that was it.
Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for that, because my take on that was that he’s thinking about me and it’s positive! But I kinda feel as though he is at a point where he needs to make a bit of an effort. I almost feel that since I asked to try again and was denied, he should be the one to take a bit of initiative now. Do you think that is a smart move or should I take a small step of initiative?
Valerie
December 31, 2013 at 5:54 pm
Hey. 🙂 Haha the ungettable girl guide tells me the qualities of an ungettable girl and how to be one, but how do I show my ex I am one without contacting him? Oh, I’m going to be seeing him at an event during nc but I don’t have to talk to him. I know that’s a good time to show that I’m an ungettable girl but are there any other things I could do during the event? And in your ebook if says that I have to have an aura that screams that I can’t be seduced. How do I get that? Is it a by-product of having the other qualities of a UG? Sorry for all the questions and Happy New Year! 😀
Lovechips
December 31, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Hi Chris! It’s Lovechips here! I just wanted to wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Woo-hoo!! I’m high on life this morning, and I just wanted to thank you for playing a part in my growth this year. My ex will always be special to me, and who knows maybe somewhere in the near future we’ll reconnect, but for now I’m going full-blown NC for one year. I think that’s plenty of time for further growth and healing. For now, it’s all about ME, and working on becoming much more fabulous!!! Haha! Anyways, I wish you many blessings in 2014!!! And I’ll be back for more of your awesome guides!! Cheers! 🙂
admin
January 1, 2014 at 11:13 pm
You are very welcome.
And more guides will come! I am so excited about 2014.
j
December 28, 2013 at 10:13 pm
thanks…that makes me feel a more hopeful :). He’s overseas at the moment as far as I know, so we haven’t been speaking since the beginning of the month when he sent me a text to say bye, which was unexpected but since I haven’t heard anything in a month i don’t really know what to do- whether to text him or to just leave it til he does, which he may or may not do?? Chris I’m embarrassed to be this clueless but I’ve made enough mistakes already that I don’t want to make more- being the text gnat directly after the break up was definitely not my best moment.
so… should I text him when I think he’s back or should I just wait it out?
Also- you have an article on what to do on a date etc, but what actually makes it a “date?”I don’t think if we see each other in the near future it would count as a date for him, so do the same rules apply?
admin
December 29, 2013 at 6:43 pm
For now, just wait him out.
I actually do: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-on-a-date-with-your-ex-boyfriend/
j
January 8, 2014 at 4:49 pm
hey Chris…
so I know my ex has been back for about a week now, maybe even longer, and I still haven’t heard anything from him. Do I need to relax and give it more time or should I send him a text? The last time we spoke was more than a month ago when he texted me to say goodbye before his overseas trip and the last time we saw each other was about 3 months ago. I’m worried that we’ll drift apart even more and make it even harder to reconnect and as you’ve probably guessed since I’m on your page commenting, I don’t want that to happen.
rach
December 27, 2013 at 3:31 pm
Me again! Just to give a little re-cap (sorry if this is unnecessary but I know you’re busy and can imagine you aren’t able to remember everyone’s story). So anyway things were going decently, my friend asked if we could try things again pretending to be me, I’ve been trying to correct this since then. The last time he and I texted was two weeks ago after which I gave you a play by play of what was said between us and you agreed that his actions were positive, but it was decided to leave the ball in his court for now.
So it’s been just over two weeks of NC and a little LC. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed to not hear anything from him after he knew that I was going to go sign papers on my pending divorce. I had really expected to hear from him over that. Especially since he saw me before I left for that and I looked rather stunning! So I’m disappointed but not discouraged. I don’t really know where to go from here though. One of our mutual friends told me this morning that he hopes we get back together. So now that friend has kinda reopened all those wounds for me today and I’m feeling a little low because of it. His heart was in the right place, but I realised today that I definitely still get the butterfly effect from my ex and miss him. I mean when everyone else believes we 100% belong together that doesn’t make it easy.
I’ve never seen a group of guys work so hard to get two people together like these guys did, I don’t know if that will work in my favor or not. I would honestly like to ask them if they have any idea as to where he stands but I’m afraid of them saying something to him and i don’t want to risk that because i imagine that wouldn’t look good for me. So do you possibly have any suggestions as to where to go from here? Should I continue to just let him make a move as far as texting goes?
rach
December 27, 2013 at 10:59 pm
If you responded to my comment it didn’t show. 🙁
admin
December 28, 2013 at 7:25 pm
What was your question?
rach
December 29, 2013 at 4:50 am
Here’s what I wrote you the other day.
Me again! Just to give you a little re-cap (sorry if this is unnecessary but I know you’re busy and can imagine you aren’t able to remember everyone’s story). So anyway things were going decently, my friend asked him if we could try this again pretending to be me, I’ve been trying to correct this since then. The last time he and I texted was over two weeks ago after which I gave you a play by play of what was said between us and you agreed that his actions were positive, but it was decided to “leave the ball in his court” for now.
So it’s been just over two weeks of NC and a little LC.I have to admit I was disappointed to not hear anything from him after he knew that I was going to go sign papers on my pending divorce. I had really expected to hear from him over that. Especially since he saw me before I left to do that and I looked damn good! So I’m disappointed but not discouraged. I don’t really know where to go from here though. One of our mutual friends told me this morning that he hopes we get back together. So now that friend has reopened old wounds for me today and I’m feeling a little low because of that. His heart was in the right place, but I realized today that a definitely still get the “butterfly effect” from my ex and miss him. I mean when everyone believes we 100% belong together that doesn’t make it easy.
I’ve never seen a group of guys work so hard to get two people together like these guys did. I don’t know if that will work in my favor now. I would like to ask them if they have any idea as to where he stands but I’m afraid of them saying something to him and I don’t want to risk that because I imagine that wouldn’t look good for me. So do you possibly have any suggestions as to where to go from here? Should I continue to just let him make a move?
admin
December 29, 2013 at 7:05 pm
Well, are you two in contact? Are you doing anything to hook him in?
rach
December 29, 2013 at 8:37 pm
Currently we aren’t since I didn’t want him to think that I was pressing the issue of us getting back together. I figured it would be best to give him a little time. One of our guy friends though told me last might that my ex NEEDS to give me a second chance. I believe they all know that he is never going to find someone who matches so well with him. I think pretty much all of our friends think that. So I am certain that is good for me, but do you have any idea as to how maybe I can feed into that? As in is there some way I can kinda use them to help influence him without me looking like I’m being manipulative?
admin
December 30, 2013 at 8:17 pm
Ultimately your ex has to come to a decision on whether or not to get back with you. His opnion is the only one that matters.
rach
January 1, 2014 at 2:52 pm
Oh I understand that, but the fact that all these guys who are really close to him basically want us to be together has to play in my favor I’m sure. I’m sorry, I think I’m using a poor choice of words to ask my question. I would just really like to know if it would be wise to maybe pull one of them to the side (obviously one that knows we were actually together and that I can trust) and see what they’re opinion is on where he may stand as far as maybe getting back together. As in if that friend even thinks I have a shot I guess? I would have already asked him, but my only hang up is if he may say something to my ex. I don’t know how that would look for sure. So here’s a hypothetical; let’s say you and I were broke up and one of our mutual friends came to you saying that I had been asking questions about you and the possibility if it’s getting back together (If that makes sense). How would you take that?
admin
January 1, 2014 at 11:15 pm
I think all those guys being on yoru side is a very good thing.
I would take your hypothetical situation like this:
“I am the man look what I made her think about me!”
Then I would start thinking about what the relationship would be like if we got together again. Not sure I would do it though. YOU would have to kind of work me in a certain way emotionally to get me to agree.
rach
January 2, 2014 at 12:57 am
Thanks for that answer! You definitely put a smile on my face!
admin
January 2, 2014 at 6:26 pm
Your very welcome!
Valerie
December 26, 2013 at 11:17 am
Hey, Chris. 🙂 Any suggestions on how I could show my ex that I’ve become a UG during nc?
admin
December 26, 2013 at 6:31 pm
Hahaha yes read the guide to becoming one on this site.
Valerie
December 29, 2013 at 3:01 pm
And in your guide it says that I have to have an aura that screams that I can’t be seduced. How do I do that? Is it a by-product of achieving the other stuff?
Valerie
December 30, 2013 at 8:19 am
Hello? 🙂
Valerie
December 29, 2013 at 2:56 pm
Haha the guide tells me the qualities of an ungettable girl and how to be one, but my question is how do I show my ex I am one without contacting him? 🙂 Oh, I’m going to be seeing him at an event during nc but I don’t have to talk to him. I know that’s a good time to show that I’m an ungettable girl but are there any other things I could do during the event? Sorry for all the questions!
erica
December 26, 2013 at 10:44 am
To continue: í’ve only said this once since we’ve
been broking up. Í asked him where we ever going
to get back together and he said that he didnt know but he’s been thinking about it. Í never
brought it up again nor when we see each otherr
do í ever say anything about how im feelin or what í feel bc í dont want to push him away fór good. Í dont know what to do..