For the past seven years over 27,364,111 women have visited Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Recently, I analyzed my clients and readers questions and cross referenced those findings with what I know to be true about your overall chances with your ex.
My goal was to answer one simple question:
What situations indicate that an ex has moved on?
Here is a quick summary of my key findings:
- Your Ex Won’t Respond To Any Of Your Text Messages
- He’s Been In A Relationship With Someone Else For More Than 6 Months
- He Has Blocked You Over The Phone And In The Major Social Media Platforms
- He Has Literally Moved Away
- He Is Engaged
- His Family Has Conspired Against You
- Religious Differences
Of course, the devil is in the details so pay attention as I dissect what these findings actually mean.
Sign #1: Your Ex Won’t Respond To Any Of Your Text Messages
This one was actually pretty easy to determine. So often you’ll find that on this website I talk about the importance of the no contact rule.
In fact, I think that I make such a point of talking about it that the rest of the overall strategy gets lost in translation.
As you can see there’s a lot more that goes into successfully re-establishing a relationship with your ex.
Want to take a guess at what all of that “extra stuff” has in common?
If you guessed “communication” then you win a golden star!
Here’s the deal.
If you want to get your ex back then being able to communicate with them is essential.
That’s where text messages come into play.
Generally I teach a strategy where you let things evolve naturally with your ex.
Text messages are the entry point to that process. So, it’s a bit of a problem if you can’t even get your ex to respond to you.
Recent studies have found that 90% of text messages are responded to within the first three minutes upon receipt.
So, if you’ve sent your ex something crazy like ten text messages over the course of a week and not gotten a response that is very indicative of a situation with a low success rate.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNow, some of you may be reading this and panicking.
My advice to you is to actually improve your texting game with My book, The Texting Bible.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSign #2 He’s Been In A Relationship With Someone Else For More Than Six Months
As dive deeper into this website and learn about my process you’ll probably also hear me talk a lot about exes who move on.
For many women this is their greatest fear.
And truth be told, it used to be mine too.
There was nothing more frightening than working with a client who had a situation where her ex was dating someone new.
Luckily, over time I developed a pretty killer method for dealing with this problem.
Nevertheless, even I will admit that understanding if your ex is on the rebound is pretty essential.
As a general rule of thumb I have found that six months seems to be the magic mark when it comes to determining the legitimacy of a rebound relationship.
Think of it like this.
If your exes rebound is more than six months old then it is likely in the midst of turning from a rebound relationship to a regular one.
In other words, your chances of a successful reunion can plummet pretty dramatically.
Now, with that being said I have seen some situations where an ex will come back even after being in a relationship with the new girl for more than six months.
However, that outcome is usually rare.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSign #3: You’ve Been Blocked Via Phone And Social Media
This ties into what I was talking about with sign #1.
It takes two to tango and if your ex isn’t tangoing then you aren’t going to get very far.
Now, I have no perfect way of verifying the statement I am about to make but in my estimation close to 70% of exes who block you are doing so for one of two reasons.
- The Knee Jerk Reaction Of What They Think They Need To Do After A Breakup
- The Simple Fact That Talking To You Is Hard
That is why I’ve been on record in my program for stating that most of the time when you’ve been blocked by an ex all you have to do is wait and eventually you will get unblocked.
It isn’t exactly the sexiest answer that people want to hear but it is what I have seen work in most cases.
Of course, that’s me talking to the 70% of individuals who are lucky and have an ex who will probably unblock them at some point.
We still have to consider those 30% of individuals who don’t have an ex like that.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSo, how do you tell if you are in the majority or the minority.
Well, here are some of the warning signs I’d say go for being in the minority.
- Your relationship was plagued with a lot of fighting
- Your ex doesn’t have a history of blocking you before
- Your relationship ended on awful terms
- More than three months have gone by while being blocked
It’s that last one I want to expand on a bit.
Time is the ultimate decider on your ex blocking you. It’s what will tell you the difference between being in the majority and in the minority.
Generally speaking an ex who is blocking you as a result of a knee jerk reaction will only keep you blocked for a month or two.
Anything that evolves into the “three month range” becomes dangerous for your chances.
Sign #4: He Has Literally Moved Away
This one can be easily confused with a long distance relationship situation.
I want to make one thing very clear.
I am not talking about LDR’s.
No, I am talking about a situation where you and your ex break up and then they move away.
Timing is important here.
I’ve had a lot of long distance success stories throughout my tenure here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery but one thing I like in a long distance situation is a history of distance already established.
Now, what do I mean by that?
Simple, your chances in a long distance relationship are better if you and your ex have already had one before.
They aren’t so great if there is no history of distance to fall back on.
That might strike you as odd but if you sit back and think about it, it does make perfect sense.
If you and your ex had a normal “within distance” relationship then it feels like a step back to go into a long distance situation.
Therefore, if you break up with your ex and then they move away your chances are significantly lower for success.
Sign #5: He Got Engaged To Someone Else
It might seem obvious for me to put this here but you’d be surprised with the amount of people I deal with that still try to get their exes back who are either engaged or married.
Sign #2 dealt with situations where exes have been in a relationship with someone new for at least six months.
This sign takes it to a whole other level.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI want you to visualize commitments in relationships the following way.
Generally speaking there is a certain type of trajectory for how these things shake out.
- We start out “talking” with our partners.
- Then talking evolves into “dating.”
- “Dating” into a “Relationship.”
- “Relationships” into “Engagements.”
- And finally we have “Marriage.”
What makes you think that if your ex is engaged or married that you have a good chance of getting them back?
Let’s ignore the moral side of the argument for a minute.
Why would someone who has made a commitment to spend their entire life with someone else be interested in dating you?
There are exceptions to every rule of course but looking at it practically it seems pretty obvious that your ex has moved on if they reach this level of commitment with someone else.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSign #6: His Family Has Conspired Against You
This is one I don’t see a lot of my peers talking about but you are completely naive if you think it doesn’t exist.
If you listen or read my stuff enough you’ll definitely hear me talk about “the sphere of influence” at some point.
Sphere of Influence: The people your ex surrounds themselves with that impact the way they look at the world.
The people in your exes SOI usually look something like this,
- Friends
- Family
- Co-Workers
- You Get The Idea
The SOI can either work to help or harm you depending on your interactions with them.
One thing I’ve seen a lot of over the past seven years is the impact that friends and family can have on your overall chances.
I’ll give you an example.
About a year ago one of my coaches was working with someone and it was going really well.
They were seeing all kinds of positive progress with their ex.
He was responding to text messages that he hadn’t responded to before.
He was requesting dates and texting her immediately after they were over.
And then one day it stopped.
She reached out to him and he wouldn’t respond.
She’d make a social media post and he wouldn’t like anything.
People have a tendency to blame themselves when things like this happen so it shouldn’t come as a shock when our client started replaying everything she did trying to find the exact thing she messed up on.
Later she finds out that she didn’t do anything wrong at all. Instead, she learned that her exes mother had made up all kinds of lies about her.
Some background might be required here.
The client and her exes mother always had a contentious relationship. One that was plagued with fights and name callings.
In fact, this was a pretty big reason that the breakup had even occurred in the first place.
Her ex had sided with his own mom over her.
And it killed any progress she could make.
Ultimately it hindered her chances significantly.
Sign #7: Religious Differences And The Sword of Damocles
Are you familiar with “The Sword of Damocles?”
Put simply, it’s an anecdote that explores the imminent and ever-present peril faced by those in positions of power.
Have you ever felt that even though life was going well for you , you had this unconscious fear that this one bad thing that could happen that would be devastating.
You walk throughout your life always with one eye open because this “Sword of Damocles” hangs above your head constantly.
Religious differences in relationships are kind of like that.
Even when things are going great you still have this unconscious fear or feeling that the religious differences can get in the way.
I see this a lot with my clients from India and Pakistan.
Even though I can give them the best advice it can still fall apart because religion gets in the way.
Now, I’ve written in the past about how to handle these religious differences. However, there is one general rule of thumb I like to go by.
If your breakup was only caused because of religious differences then it’s likely that your ex is in the process of moving on.
If religious differences contributed to your breakup then you should still be ok.
Sophie
July 24, 2019 at 10:38 am
Hi! I’m trying to figure out if I could eventually get my ex back, I’m afraid he moves on, but our situation is kind of unusual.
We met August 2018 in a job interview, we instantly connected and flirted and spent the rest of the day together, he asked me for my number. We became flirty friends, and went out (with another guy from the job interview who was basically third wheeling), the chemistry was undeniable, but nothing happened because I didn’t want to, we just innocently flirted and he told me he really liked me… like a month passed and I got scared of falling in love with him, so I just blocked him and unfollowed him everywhere and moved on with my life, no explanations.
A year passed, and he reached out to me in May, coincidentally I had been thinking about him for quite some time, and we meet up for coffee; he said that after we met he could not stop thinking about me, we just felt it, I told him I was scared and never been in a serious relationship, but it all felt so right and everything was so easy, the only thing was that I’m moving to London in September to study. He said not to worry about it, and just be together, and we were, and all happened so fast, and it was amazing and so beautiful and I could feel how he really loved me, we met each others families, we planned a whole future for us. At the beginning of July I went on a vacation with my dad for 10 days, me and my ex hadn’t spent so much time apart, and that really hit him. When I came back, he was very distant until last week he told me that he had fallen in love with me, and could not bear the fact I was leaving, that while I was on vacation he really missed me and thought about how was he going to feel when I leave for London, so it was better for us to break up now, so I could enjoy London for the time I was going to be there, and we had time to recover so we could still be friends while I was there. He also told me that whenever I came back we will see if we were available and if we wanted to be together again.
I did not took this well because I love him, and I know he loves me too, but eventually accepted his decision, told him that if he thought it was the best then it was okey, and asked him if before I left I could see him and say goodbye, he said yes, that of course we could see each other again, but that we needed time, because if not, we were just going to do the couple things we do now.
After a few days, for many reasons that has nothing to do with him I found the date for my return, in five months. Now I am getting more frustrated because it does not mean it will be less difficult if we try a long distant relationship, that I truly don’t think it works. I don’t know if I should tell him that I am coming back, because it may not change anything, and above all, his birthday is tomorrow and I had planned a whole gift for him that now I have and don’t know what to do with it, and wanted to text him but don’t know if i should.
Help!
Elizabeth
July 22, 2019 at 8:02 pm
Hi there! My boyfriend and I were dating for a 1.5 years, and we broke up a little over a month ago, and he told me he didn’t want to break up, that I’m his favorite person in the world, and I’m the best person he’s ever met (which he told me over and over the course of our relationship). He voiced his commitment issues to me (about his fear of not being able to be faithful – about part of him wanting to chase cheap relationships – but he said that he was always and would always be faithful to me as long as we were together), but said that he thought I was the one and (to my friends as well, not just to me) and that he sees us married with kids and happy (he said I love you first after 3 months in of dating, and he was the one to bring up marriage around 4-5/6 months) and so he was willing to work on it…). His friends even though we were on the track to getting married. But, he but he gets back from a trip out of the country to Uganda to think about things with life (and us – also, we had been not meeting each other at the same level of commitment), and he breaks down weeping… and tells me he doesn’t want to break up, but that he doesn’t see another way… that he has a lot to figure out and it’s not fair for me to be around while he does this because it could take him a long time. That night, in the discussion, he eventually asks if we can date casually so there’s not so much pressure, if we could be friends, and finally (after I had said no) if we could be in an open relationship (all to which I said no). I told him if he wanted to date other people, he had to let me go. He wept (deep soul weeping, sobbing) and said he didn’t want to let me go, but that he thinks a part of him needs to “chase” casual relationships but he’s not sure if that’s what he really wants, but that the desire is there. Needless to say, I told him to not contact me until he works out what he wants. He hasn’t. I did need some closure, so I emailed him a week ago (once we had been broken up for a month) and let him know that it was devaluing to me and that I saw him on Bumble with our pictures on Instagram attached to his profile, and on Hinge with him & I as the featured first picture + his Instagram attached as well, and how it said he was seeking something “casual”. Also I expressed briefly how devaluing it was to have your “favorite person” ask their “favorite person” to be in an open relationship – that I didn’t know if it was out of desperation to keep me in his life or what, but that I was shocked that he proposed that to me when he knew that wasn’t the type of person I was. I can send you the email response and more details about the breakup… Honestly, in his email responses he just didn’t seem to care!!! He told me that I deserved 100% commitment and that he’s not the kind of man I deserve and wishes me the best and thanked me for making me a better person during our time together; he also wished me the best personally and professionally. He was cold, distant, and completely detached… I went and unfollowed him on Instagram and unfriended him on Facebook, archived our pictures, and he unfollowed me on Instagram in under 5 minutes… Before I did this, he was at the top of my Instagram stories, which means that he was stalking my profile (according to the research I’ve seen on Instagram). It’s been over a month and he hasn’t erased any of our pictures on his social media (the top 6 pictures of his Instagram are of us) and his Facebook profile picture is still of us too. What is going on…
Caity
July 12, 2019 at 2:49 pm
Hi! Can I get some advice on my situation please? 🙁
Me and my ex have been together 5 years, we live 2 hours apart and we usually see each other weekends.
We’ve broken up a few times in the past (not good I know) and it’s always been his decision to break up, not mine. Long story short; the 9th June was the last time I saw him. I was at his place that weekend and we had a disagreement about something. Nothing worth breaking up over though. Could have easily been sorted. Anyway.. after that he wouldn’t say bye to me so I left to go home. The next day he didn’t text, two more days went by still nothing. So I reached out to him asking if we could talk. Still nothing. I rang him two more times the next day still nothing. I decided to start no contact. Fast forward until now it’s not been 5 weeks since I last spoke to him and I’m currently on day 28 no contact so safe to assume we’re over.
I noticed today he unfriended me. I shouldn’t have looked I know, however 2 days ago he still had me added so he only did it yesterday or today.
My question is what should I do?? And why did he unfriend me 28 days into no contact? He hasn’t reached out at all and neither have I. This has thrown me and made me feel like I’m losing him and he’s trying to move on. I don’t know what to do now 🙁
Please help!
Maggie
July 3, 2019 at 3:42 pm
I have a dilemma, I initially started dating someone else after 9 years together. I was looking for a commitment yet when he did move in that direction I pulled away. I’m impossible right? Uncertainty. I felt like I should feel more etc. well he kept hounding me, never gave me space to figure out what I wanted. Well turns out his sister lined him up with an old flame. She was back in town divorced a year. Well now he is dating her and I am devastated, wanting him back. I begged and pleaded, nothing, he came back 2 times after supposedly seeing her and we were intimate and it was great but yet he says he is going to date her, ouch!!! So now I am respecting that, letting him figure it out, hoping he will come back. Nothing for about a week now. I know how him hounding me when I needed space pushed me away more so I do not want to do the same. I hurt him first, now tables turned. What now?
Crazy Mary
June 11, 2019 at 5:58 pm
Since he blocked me on Facebook and I can’t call or text without him knowing, I’m really curious if he changed his number or “blocked” me on his phone. How can I tell if he is “stalking” on Facebook? He’d have to use someone else’s account. He’s very stubborn and will probably last longer than most. He left me (11 days) and I did all the usual wrong things. He moved back in Saturday and literally ate, slept, did laundry, and informed me on Sunday that he was leaving for the week and would only be home for three nights each weekend. (Maybe I should have took the weekends, at least he wasn’t trying to relegate me to weekdays?, but I felt it was just a distance tactic for a slow painful end).
It was an ugly scene, but the last thing I said was, “it’s not your fault, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you”, subtext I felt like he wasn’t into me, no sex, no talking, no plans together, stringing me along just in case, so I was letting him go. The last thing he said was,
“do me a favor and don’t ever call me”. Now it’s been 9 days 🙁 I’m so sad, but still mad lol.
Now it’s driving me crazy to know if he changed his phone number or anything. When can I call or text him? I can’t get any of the suttle hints you mentioned.
Bummed Out
June 3, 2019 at 7:05 am
My ex falls into two of these categories. He won’t answer any of my messages….I sent him s clean slate message on 4/26 it’s 6/3 today and nothing. No response. Silence. And (assuming they’re still together) he hit the 6 month mark with his rebound in May. I wanted coaching, hoping that professional help would at least crack the door open for him to answer my message….is all hope really lost? Should I save my money?
Mwaka
May 29, 2019 at 5:32 pm
My ex boyfriend of 6 months have been broken up for 2 months now. Before we started dating we had been talking/friends for 5 months. Our relationship wasn’t filled with fights, we had occasional disagreements that didn’t blow up into a fight. There were just some concerns from me cz 3 months into the relationship he started acting emotionally distant. I found out in our 4 month together that his Mum had been pressuring him to marry his baby mama. At the time we were friends, I knew he had a child & some unfinished business with his baby mama over the same & he wasn’t going to marry her. He’s the one who told me & said he wanted to protect me & our relationship from what was going on cz his Mum wasn’t going to approve & he couldn’t tell her cz of her health condition…she was recovering from a stroke. After he told me this, he started to ignore me. I told him I was going to give him space, like I had two other times before he told me why he was being distant. But a week later he contacted me. Two more times I tried to give him space & do NC but he’d contact me so I gave up on it. I tried to encourage him to be strong & shared how confident I was that he can handle the situation. One time I heard from his cousin that he told him that he really loves me, wants to be with me & marry me one day but his situation is putting him in a dilemma. He didn’t want to hurt me. His cousin advised him not to keep in the dark but to share with me what was going on since I mean that much to him & it wouldn’t be good for him to just leave me cz he had made promises to me. Still, he didn’t keep in the loop on what was going on with him. Eventually the situation took its toll on me & I started to feel unloved, unwanted & unappreciated. What he told his cousin about me he didn’t tell me. I didn’t even know that. So, two months later I told him I was leaving & I gave my reasons. He said we should just be friends, I felt hurt hearing that. I didn’t want to leave but I didn’t know what was going on, whether he decided to give into his Mum’s wishes or not. I couldn’t entirely believe his cousin cz he could have been lying. Out of pain, I contacted his baby mama on social media (first time I spoke to her), & apologised for getting between them & didn’t know they were still together. To me, it seemed for his Mum to have been pressuring him, then they were still together. I told her I left him long ago, he’s her man & has always been & I have nothing to do with him. I thought it senseless to tell her otherwise cz it seemed to me, they were together. I couldn’t help feeling guilty for being with him while he was with someone else. After that, I saw his message saying he wasn’t marrying her & was just finalising things with her. To my disappointment, she lied to him about what I said to her that he said I offered an insincere apology. I had to forward the message I sent to her to him so he knows what she told him wasn’t what I said. Unfortunately, my explanation of why I apologized to her & why I said what I said didn’t register with him that he said he’ll just be alone in the meantime without anyone. It felt really bad. I did apologise for hurting him. Days later I decided to do NC & only got through a week & contacted him to see what would happen. He replied to my text. Again went back to it & was determined to go 30days when he started texting saying he missed me & wanted to see me. A few days later, after much debate on what to do next, I gave in. Before I met him I told him I would only sleep with a guy if he values me & sees me for the wonderful person I am, otherwise, I’ll just wait until marriage. We met at his place, it was awkward at first but eventually it felt normal to be with him. Things got heated & we ended up in bed. I waited for him to say something about it, but he didn’t & I left it alone thinking we can deal with this later since he knew what he was getting into. Sadly, days later when I asked him about it, he was silent & I wasn’t in a good place emotionally & I got upset & yelled at him. That was the first time I did that. A week later, I apologised to him & a few days later sent him the message you recommend sending if one slept with their ex & wants to get back with them. He didn’t reply but instead the next day, he blocked me on Facebook. A few days later it was WhatsApp & then two days later he unblocked me. I only contacted him during this time after he unblocked me to find out what his thoughts were since we had slept together & he said “I think for me I just want to concentrate on my son & be without a girlfriend at the moment. I don’t want to give you hope about us.” I thanked him for telling me what he thought & for being truthful though it felt like it was a lie. Days later, I asked him to let me know when he got back in town so I could collect my stuff. He agreed but when he arrived he didn’t tell me. It was his cousin who told me he was back in town. Some days later I managed to get my stuff from him, he brought them to me at his workplace where we agreed to meet. He looked happy to see me & seemed to want to chat but I was running late & didn’t feel emotionally capable of having a conversation with him so I just got my stuff, thanked him & left. Later in the day, I texted him thanking him & appreciated that he was a good boyfriend despite the problems we had. No reply. 4 hours later I texted him saying if he does change his mind & wants to try again, he shouldn’t hesitate to let me know. After all, having a girlfriend shouldn’t stop him from concentrating on his son. Next, he blocked me. 3 days later, he unblocked me & a week later I texted him saying I miss you then he blocked me again. I have been blocked on Facebook for a month now, on WhatsApp for 2 weeks now. Phone & SMS I don’t know cz the last time we had to meet so I get my stuff we were calling & sending SMSs. He joined Telegram, I haven’t texted him on this media, don’t want to risk getting blocked. I have been in NC for 2 weeks now since the time I had to get my stuff from him, that was on 7 May. He’s been in a new relationship not more than 3 weeks after we slept together & that was during the school break. He is a teacher. Now, the school has introduced a new policy & all members of staff have to give their phones to the principle during work hours & they only get them at break time, 10AM which is for 20mins, lunch time 1PM which is for 30mins & after school at 4PM. I would like to get back with him so we can try again cz I believe we can work on our problems & I hope we can have a much better relationship. What are our chances of getting back together? Is there any hope for our situation? How can I go about it if we have a chance at being together?
Lou
May 23, 2019 at 6:48 pm
He just said he needed space i was heart broken n begged and he was very cold. He still said he loved me n needed space. Then i told him ill give him space n dint contact him over 30 days guess it was 35 days. He texted but very cold.i asked him if we were together he said no. And dint answer any of my calls. What do i do? Im stressed as i gave my heart n soul to him and i feel used and sad.