Welcome to another episode of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery podcast. Today, we’re going to be talking about the no contact rule, specifically does the no contact rule work if you’ve been blocked?
We’re going to hear from a listener named Diana who has a question about just that. But before we hear her question, I first want to let you know that no matter what situation that you’re in, you’re always going to need a starting point.
Whether you want to get your ex back or you want to get over your ex, the best thing you should always do is start on our website, and take our ex recovery chances quiz.
Now, I know, I know I sound like a broken record always talking about this quiz, but that’s because I think it’s the perfect starting point for you to determine what you should be doing about your situation.
Most people, when they start trying to get exes back, have no idea where to begin. The first question they always have for me is,
“Chris, do I have a chance of getting back with my ex?”
Even if they’re a little on the fence about it, having that knowledge can help them make decisions going forward.
Now, I put together a special quiz designed to basically answer this exact question. It’s on my website. Again, exboyfriendrecovery.com.
All you’ve got to do is simply look in the navigation bar and click on the quiz tab. It’ll take you right to the quiz where you can take a two minute assessment where I’m going to ask you all sorts of questions about you, your ex, and your past relationship together.
Then based on your answers, I can give you an approximate idea of what your chances are.
If you’re interested in taking that quiz again, hop over to my website. But now that that’s out of the way, which I can’t tell you how glad I am that that’s out of the way, let’s hear from Diana.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe Listeners Question
“Is there a way for the no contact to work if he blocked me from his cell phone? I am one week into no contact, will this still work?”
Now, I chose this question not only because it’s shorter, which is always easy for me to handle because we get so many questions every single day, but because really what she’s asking here is two questions.
She first wants to figure out will the no contact rule work for her, especially if she’s been blocked. But also she wants to learn how to handle the no contact rule if she’s been blocked.
That’s what we’re going to focus our time on today. Basically, I’m going to teach you if the no contact rule will work, if you’ve been blocked a little bit, about how the no contact rule will work, and also what to do if you’re blocked during the no contact rule.
Let me first start off by saying, I think there’s a really big misconception about the no contact rule. Most people, when they hear about the no contact rule, they only focus on one aspect of it.
They focus on the aspect that can potentially happen where an ex will reach out to you.
Sometimes they’ll say, “Oh, I made a mistake,” or, “I miss you,” or they’ll reach out to you or get a little upset that you’re not responding to them.
But I think this is a really common misconception because people who only focus on this aspect of a no contact rule are kind of missing the boat of what the no contact rule is supposed to do.
Here’s the common misconception that I’m seeing time and time again, people believe that the no contact rule doesn’t consider or isn’t considered working if you don’t hear from an ex.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat you really need to understand is, technically speaking, the no contact rule can work if one of three criteria are met.
What are those three criteria?
Well, number one is by implementing a no contact rule, it’s supposed to give both you and him time to let your emotions settle. You see, usually during a breakup, there’s quite a bit of anger, resentment, and, quite honestly, genuine despair between you and him or her.
Now, these are all incredibly strong emotions, and emotions tend to override our ability to act and react rationally. We’ve all heard that phrase, when emotion runs high, logic runs low. That is sort of what the no contact rule can do, it can help kind of get your logic back in line and in control.
By implementing a no contact rule, if you stick to it for, let’s say, the entire 30 day rule that we recommend, and sometimes people will do the 21 day rule, the 45 day rule, depending on their situation. But, generally speaking, most people are going to fall in that 30 day time frame.
If you’re doing that 30 day rule, the no contact will can technically work because it will give you time, both him and you time, to settle down and let logic win out.
But there’s also a second criteria that can be considered working with the no contact rule. That’s it gives you a chance to evolve.
It allows you a chance to become a better version of yourself.
That’s never a bad idea, especially when you reconnect with your ex, when that time does come, you need to bring more value to the table than he expects you. I think that’s really what it’s all about, right?
Most of the people who focus on the no contact rule get so settled on what their ex is doing, they forget to kind of look internally.
I know it sounds very cliche, but sometimes the cliches are there for a reason, so that’s the second criteria that I would use to consider a no contact rule technically working.
But the third one is the more kind of common one that you would think of. The no contact rule can allow you to turn your ex’s mindset against him, so he’ll expect you to contact him and, when you don’t, his thoughts become, “Well, why isn’t she contacting me?”
Technically speaking, these are the three criteria that can dictate whether or not the no contact rule is working, but I think what you probably also need to learn is a little bit about the psychology behind how the no contact rule works because it’s not just hitting these criteria that matters in the grand scheme of thing, it’s also gaining understanding about why we implement the no contact rule.
Why We Implement The No Contact Rule
Now, there’s been this alarming trend lately where we’re having some ‘experts’ out there say that the no contact rule is a bad idea and that it doesn’t work. But all of our research psychology wise says something different.
What I’m going to point to today is two psychological researches that I often point to to prove to people, yes, this is something that you should be doing and using.
What are those two specific psychological ideas behind how the no contact rule is meant to work?
Well, there’s one, which is the theory of reactance, and there’s two, which is the information gap theory.
What are those two things?
The Theory Of Reactance.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe theory of reactions refers to the human need to react when someone or something interferes with things that come naturally, also called behavioural freedoms. You see, when you implement a no contact rule, you’re taking away your ex’s ‘free will’, the choice to talk to you or not talk to you was his and someone has taken it away, you.
Now, ideally this will cause him or raise the chances that he’s going to react. He will try and force you to talk to him. It’s a little bit of this idea of like, hey, I’m going to take your cookie away, now all of a sudden, you want your cookie back.
But of course that’s not all that sort of powers the power of the no contact, rule, we also have information gap theory.
Now, information gap theory is a little bit harder to describe because you kind of need some visualisation to sort of fully understand it, but I’m hoping that you can open your minds to maybe visualising some of the things I’m going to be talking about.
What is the information gap theory?
Well, the information gap theory basically states that when it feels as if we are missing out on something, the mind seeks to fill the void. Imagine that there’s a triangle, right?
We all know what a triangle looks like, but let’s say that the bottom of the triangle isn’t closed, it’s just an upside down V. You look at that, and your mind just gets a little annoyed by it. Every so often you just kind of want that bottom of that triangle to close.
Another really great example is, let’s say that you and I are best friends and I invite myself over to your house one day. I knock on the door, you say, “Hey Chris, what’s up?” I say, “Hey, can I come in?” You’re like, “Oh yeah, sure. Come right on in.” You invite me in and I don’t close the door, I leave it open.
You, in the back of your mind are like, I want to close that door, but I take you away from the door. I take you into your living room and say, “Hey, this is a really cool painting. Tell me about who painted that painting,” all the while you’re sitting there, obsessing about the fact that the door is open, it’s annoying you.
You have to close it. You can’t focus on anything else.
The no contact rule acts as the ‘open door’ for your ex. There’s unfinished business that needs to get finished.
Now, that we understand a little bit more about how the no contact rule works psychologically and even how you can look at the criteria to determine that it works, let’s switch focus on what you’re probably dying to learn about, and that’s what to do if you’ve been blocked during the no contact rule.
There Are Four Points
There’s really four points that I want to leave you with on this particular section. Let’s go down them one by one, and then we’ll define each one of them later.
Point number one, it’s that over 70% of exes who are blocked get unblocked at some point.
Point number two is understanding what soft blocks are versus hard blocks.
Point number three is learning to create mystery on social media to capture your ex’s attention.
Point four is sending them a text from a new number, which I have some interesting thoughts on, but let’s start from the top and go through it.
Point number one with what to do if you’re blocked by your ex is understanding that over 70% of exes who are blocked get unblocked at some point. What we learn is that oftentimes when an ex blocks you, it is usually due to a knee jerk reaction. Most of the time breakups don’t go really well.
There’s a lot of anger involved from your side, anger involved from his or her side. You’re just kind of fighting a lot, right?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSometimes our fight or flight response gets triggered, and the people who are ‘fighting’ from this situation will block you because they don’t want to deal with you anymore. But that’s the brilliance of the no contact rule. Sometimes just ignoring your ex is enough to null, kind of inception yourself into their mind, so they start wondering what you’re up to, what is going on.
That’s why we see a high level of people who have been blocked by simply doing nothing will get unblocked just by being patient.
Now, it’s one of the hardest things to do because when you’re blocked and you are basically being no contacted by your ex, that reactance kicks in, you start to basically get really upset by the fact that you don’t have an ability to talk to your ex.
Usually, most of the time, you need to understand that you will get unblocked simply by doing nothing, just by playing the odds in your favor, but we don’t want to just play the odds in our favor.
We want to go a little bit deeper and come up with a plan for grabbing an ex’s attention to get him to unblock you or, barring that, finding some way of communicating, right, so that’s really the first point that I want you to understand.
The second point is understanding the difference between soft blocks versus hard blocks.
When there’s these knee jerk blocking reactions by your ex, there’s also knee jerk reactions that you guys tend to have when you’re talking to me or Coach Anna or even my wife sometimes.
You’re saying, “My God, he’s blocked me on Facebook. My God, he’s blocked me on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, whatever.” I don’t know many guys who use Pinterest by the way.
What you need to understand is that there’s a difference between soft blocks and hard blocks.
Soft blocks are pretty simple. It’s meaning you’re blocked maybe on Facebook, but you can still talk to him or communicate with him through cell phones.
Hard blocks is the exact opposite. You are blocked everywhere imaginable.
Now, let’s go back to soft blocks a little bit. If you are soft blocked by your ex, maybe you’re blocked to communicate on the phone with him, but you’re still able to communicate with him through Facebook. What you need to first do before you start figuring out how to handle being blocked by your ex is figure out which category you fit into.
Are you a soft block or are you a hard block?
Usually most of our clients fall in the soft block category, but if you are stuck in kind of the hard block category, what can you do?
Well, that’s where step number three really comes into play here, and that’s creating mystery on social media to capture their attention.
Now, you’re probably sitting there and wondering, well, why? That doesn’t even make any sense because if you’re ‘hard blocked’, how would your ex even see your social media account?
Well, what we’ve learned through research and also our own personal findings is that most exes, in fact, research has the number up to 90% of exes will Facebook creep or stalk their ex digitally after the breakup, they get curious to see what you’re up to.
Now, the issue most women have is they don’t really have a good way of creating enough mystery or intent or reason for an ex to want to reach out. I’ll give you an example, most people and women who are going through breakups sometimes don’t want to deal with social media.
They just want to lock themselves in a room and feel sorry for themselves, and that I totally get, believe me, I get that more than you probably realize.
But the smarter thing to do is actually to use social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, all of the tools in your tool belt, even if you’re blocked, to create the narrative that you want to have created about you.
If your ex broke up with you because he thought you were too stable, do something adventurous. If your ex thought or broke up with you because you were too adventurous or too mysterious, do something stable.
Find a way to reshape his perception, to change the paradigm in your favor.
All right, now we get to the final one
This is something that I don’t love to recommend to people, but I feel a need to mention its existence because we have had clients do this, though, I will say not many of them have been successful, and that’s sending an ex a text from a new number.
There’s a very specific way to do this, and I’m going to go on the record right here, right now, I say more times than not, 9.5 times out of 10 do not do this, but if you have for six months you’ve been blocked, you’ve tried everything to not seem like a creepy stalker, to not show up your ex’s door.
You’ve done everything we’ve recommended. You’ve learned that you’re in a hard block, you’ve waited enough time, you’ve created that mystery on social media, you’ve gone out, you’ve improved your life.
If you’re still blocked and you still are just dying to hear from your ex, one thing we have seen our clients do is to go out, buy a new phone, get a new number, and text their ex with the following text,
“Hey, I’m just letting you know I got a new number. I didn’t know if you would need it. This is like a mass text I’m sending out to everyone.”
We have had a few clients who haven’t gotten much overall success but have gotten responses from exes who have done that. Now, here’s the issue with this, sending a new text from a new number. Sometimes it is enough to creep an ex out to where you lose your chance forever, right?
But it is the only option we see for people who are hard blocked to find a way to kind of throw that last hail Mary. I want to reiterate, this is something I actually would not recommend, but it is kind of my duty to show you every possible thing that you can do.
Now, when you take all that into account, Diana,
Yes, the no contact rule can definitely work if you’ve been blocked.
Alyssa
May 6, 2023 at 10:57 pm
Hi I’ve been talking to this guy for over a year . He’s always body shaming looks shaming etc he insults me infront of people and whenever I’ve confronted him he’s blocks me on WhatsApp. Tbh I get alot of attention from other men but he’s put in my head I’m nothing . In The past I’ve chased him like an idiot to unblock me and the circle starts again. He recently blocked me again I actually don’t know what action to take . Worse of all is we work together and it’s effecting my work life
Coach Shaunna
August 16, 2023 at 2:00 pm
Block him and walk away this is not a person you want to be in any sort of relationships with! Toxic and unhealthy! You deserve and will find someone better in a heartbeat!
Peggy
May 4, 2023 at 4:45 am
Had an argument with my boyfriend and he blocked me from whattsap after apologizing to him , it’s been two weeks now since he blocked me,Am very stressed
Parijat Majumder
July 14, 2022 at 2:54 am
I have cheated my bf, when he cought me he was very angry we were not together that time he was in his home in another town, i also realised my mistake and I keeps on tring to get him back after that he also tried to give me chance 2 times but both of the time something happens and the chance is gone. 4 days back he broke up with me but I still keep o messeging him sometime he angrily reaply my question and sometime don’t reaply. He had my whatsapp web in his laptop he always keep on checking my msg through my whatsapp web. But yesterday him blocked me and told me we are done and he also logout form my whatsapp web. I am very tensed I don’t understand will he come back to me or not. Please help
P
March 5, 2022 at 4:52 am
I’m gay & My boyfriend broke up with me after 3 years and living together. We tried talking here and there for the next month but he acted really shitty in the breakup and it kept eating at me…so I decided to go full no contact. We had a mutual friend who he lives with now while
He finds a place and she wouldn’t respect that I needed space and kept repeating things I was saying to him and so I decided to cut her out too. It was working and he started texting me after the first day, noticed I deleted him on Facebook and it seemed to upset him…but then after 3 days and the girl calling me over and over I finally said I was cutting contact with her…now it started this whole big fight with me and him and he’s blocked me on everything…I’m devastated.
Annie
February 16, 2021 at 7:11 pm
Its been 8 months since my longterm boyfriend broke up with me , i have tried no contact during that time but i always ended up giving in and breaking it – After the breakup we have had fights , i became a gnat , we met a few times , he was hot then cold , gave me mixed messages and in the end he blocked me on everything in late November. After he blocked me we met once before Christmas and once after ,we got on really well both times , but after that i heard nothing else from him , he is very stubborn and he is pretty sure of his decision – the last time i saw him he said he couldn’t be my friend as he wasn’t ready but that he didn’t know what the future may hold and he wasn’t a fortune teller , as i was leaving he told me that he does miss me he was just afraid of admitting it to himself. After not hearing anything from him , around the middle of January i decided that i couldn’t do any more and went into a full no contact even though he has me blocked me on everything. It has been over a month now and i haven’t heard from him , I am at the point where i do not care if he comes back or not as i am feeling better in myself after some time away from him physically and mentally , but i just wanted some advice on what i should do next and if we could still have a chance.( I am still blocked at the moment ) thanks ! 🙂
Lara
February 14, 2021 at 3:43 pm
my boyfriend changed his behavior 1 month ago , he already told me 4 months ago that he can’t marry me because i have a bad past and he can’t get through it , so i gave him many chances and every time i ask him what did you change ur mind about getting married? his answer was i am not sure and i do not know or no but finally i told him let’s be friends , a month ago , he started acting like he is still my boyfriend and i told him you are not allowed since ur not my boyfriend anymore, so he changed a lot he started to be distant not fun anymore , so i got so angry at him and i stopped talking to him , and started to apply the NC Rule on him but i messed up, after 13 days , he commented on my instagram picture , so i reached out to him , after talking with him i asked him once again , do u changed ur mind about getting married? he answered NO , so also i stopped talking to him and erase his number from my phone and started to apply the NC Rule , after 3 days he realized that i erased his number so he asked me did u block me? i did not answer , but now after 1 week of applying the NC Rule He blocked me on Instagram …. i think i have no more chances
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 17, 2021 at 3:36 pm
Hi Lara, it is not uncommon for exes to get angry that they are being ignored and at times this results in blocking. Give this article a read this should help you understand what you need to be doing during your NC and after – https://www.exboyfriend.com/what-to-do-if-your-ex-boyfriend-blocked-you/
Anne
January 28, 2021 at 7:17 pm
Soft blocked on FB and phone. I panicked and used my Apple ID to send messages that got read. BUT, I blew up his phone at least once a week for 2 months and got that id blocked on phone. He finally said “stop msging me” after a couple of back-to-back msgs. Yes, I know….. So, in the past 60 days, I haven’t reached out whatsoever on any other apps that he knows I’m on. As part of my healing though, I have been doing a social media fast. I am still completely blocked on FB. So, I’m too nervous to reach out because I don’t think it would be received well. Is it time to try or not since still blocked on FB which tells me I’m still blocked on phone?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 3, 2021 at 9:50 pm
Hi Anne, yes you can reach out via text, but prepare yourself for a no response at this point because it is your first reach out. If you prepare for the worst outcome so you do not get upset, it may take a few weeks to get a response. Be sure that your social media is looking UG even if you are still blocked when he does unblock you, you need to appear that you have moved on with your life
Heartbroken
January 14, 2021 at 5:41 am
Hi, I have been in a long distance relationship for 11 years, it became serious in the past three years. We met once and he treated me to lunch and I could sense he was genuine and he being 11 years older (in his 50’s), I thought he would be mature and that we could do this. It’s a long story but this is the second time he has blocked me in three years. Other times he would ignore texts for days or weeks. He blocked me October 7th 2020, it is now January 14th 2021. One of the last things he told me was that we would talk soon and that his father’s cancer had spread and started treatments. His brother had passed away earlier in the year and that he himself has a medical condition that seems to be worsening. In his last few texts he came across rather distant and perhaps depressed. I did not know that he was going to block me. We did not have any argument. I tried texting, calling, emailing, video call and leaving a couple posts on his youtube account (told him that I was praying for him and his father) but nothing. I received a thumbs up the other day under one of my comments. It has been three months and I miss him dearly. I occasionally check obituaries in his city for his father, but nothing. I lost my mother in June and he did support me through conversation. He promised in the beginning of the serious portion of the relationship to always be here for me. I do not understand. Will he come back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 27, 2021 at 10:43 pm
Hi there, so being able to tell you if he will come back or not isn’t possible. All we can do is give you the tools and advice you need to give you, your best chance. This always starts with a No Contact Period.
Zehra Razaq
January 13, 2021 at 5:44 pm
Hi, I messaged my bf about why he was being hot and cold, he then sent me a message that he couldn’t do this anymore and basically dumped me. Before I could even respond be blocked me on WhatsApp. We aren’t friends on fb or Instagram, I messaged him on my mums phone the same night and he said stop. Then 20 minutes later, he sent me a normal text that he was going to call me the next day which he didnt. It’s been over a week. But I’m still blocked. Please advise.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 13, 2021 at 7:33 pm
Hi Zehra, you need to go into a full no contact for 45 days and do not reach out to him again until you are unblocked. Do not use another persons phone number to contact him as this does not go down well.
vasundhara Sharma
October 25, 2020 at 10:01 am
I was in a long distance relationship for two years and we had our up and downs but he always said I’m not going anywhere.
It happened on 19 sep..that i overreacted over his silly joke and next day I had my exam so he didn’t say anything..although he didn’t say anything for 10 days..we were chatting normally.. but then he said that I don’t talk about love and our relationship.. and because of that he decided to end things between us..
On our argument I said.. if you can’t handle things then I will look for someone else… i totally didn’t mean it.. it was because of moment of heat.. i still love him
I tried contacting him… not regularly but I did.. he respond was negative.. after a few days i realised that Giving him space would be great and after having read about no contact rule .. i have little faith in time ..But its been 25 days since the break up.
I need your help!
The last i contacted him was on 11th oct.
Please tell me if there’s anything else i need to do.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 25, 2020 at 10:26 am
Hey there so you are doing the right thing by following the no contact rule so stick with it! Make sure that you keep working on yourself during this time, and also read articles about how to reach out to your ex after the NC is over, you are unlikely to hear from him first, many of our clients have to reach out first.
Candace
August 18, 2020 at 1:28 am
While my boyfriend was breaking up with me i told him I lied to him about my age (I’m much older). He blocked me after our conversation and I went NC immediately although I still have Snapchat and email. I didn’t argue, beg or plead. I’m almost 4 weeks into NC and haven’t heard from him. Should I continue to 45 days before testing the waters?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 18, 2020 at 3:38 pm
Hi Candace, yes you need to follow the 45 days no contact
Kara
August 13, 2020 at 4:13 pm
I have a quick question, I recently blocked my ex (07/30) after we hung out (stupid me), but I decided to block him and remove him from my life. He emailed me (08/11), he emailed me first at 1pm asking if I blocked him, then he emailed me at 9:59pm same day using an excuse…
Subject: Good bye,
I got the Covid flu, if I don’t make it I hope you live a fulfilled life and find love.
I’m sure its a pathetic way of getting my attention… I’m still maintaining no contact until the 29th. Is that what I’m supposed to do? Do I unblock him? Whats my next step?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 14, 2020 at 10:01 pm
Hey Kara, you are right it was a immature selfish way to get your attention! I would suggest that you unblock him, as we tell clients not to block especially if you want them back. Then just work on your Holy Trinity, to which you need to reach out and speak with him at the end of your NC. Read some articles about how to reach out after NC that Chris has posted.
Nicole
August 8, 2020 at 5:21 pm
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and he suffers from Manic Depression. He broke up with me at the end of May before he was diagnosed as he said he couldn’t cope with the strain of a relationship , he needed to get better and be happier in himself. I followed the 30 day rule and contacted him. He came over and we decided to give it another go. However he was still very depressed , on his good days he planned the future and was the best boyfriend ever but on his bad days he couldn’t understand why I wanted to be with him. After 3 weeks of us connecting again he got his diagnosis and the next day he told me he couldn’t get better with me in his life as he relies on me too much for support and that he needed to move on and start a new chapter and that chapter didn’t include me. He’s blocked me on all social media and blocked my number. I’m heartbroken as I know he loves me so much and wants this to work but he needs to get better first. Should I wait 30 days again and try and contact him?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 8, 2020 at 10:57 pm
Hi Nicole, yes you need to let him work on himself for some time I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC this time where you are focusing on yourself and making positive changes for yourself, you can then be in a stronger and more confident position when you start reaching out to him by then and hopefully he will be in a much more secure place.
Angie
August 4, 2020 at 7:46 pm
Thanks for all the info. But what happens if he only has phone and you are blocked. There is no social media.
How does it work then?
I understand the 3 points which I also believe are great.
But how do you reach out after just to touch base without looking obsessed?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 4, 2020 at 9:07 pm
Hey Angie, if you are in a Hard block then there is nothing you can do until you are unblocked, you can follow a 45 day NC and then reach out to see if you get a response if not then you will have to just continue to work on yourself until you are able to reach out to him. I would suggest that you still use social media to show that you are living a positive life, as if you have any mutual friends at all then the information will make its way back to him when you do things that are fun or exciting
James
July 30, 2020 at 8:16 am
Hi
Not a gal, but I am still hoping you can help me. So my ex blocked me during our breakup a week ago, which seems to be caused by one of her depressive lows. She expressed interest in still being friends. I reciprocated that sentiment and said I needed some time. But I then sent a message advising her to do what I am doing and take some time to figure out what she wants before jumping into another relationship, she gave that message a thumbs down and blocked me. This seems like a very impulsive decision. I just want to be her friend if nothing else, but I am afraid because of her unstable state, she may never unblock me. What would you put my chances at?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 2, 2020 at 9:40 am
Hi James, she will unblock you but it will be when she is less emotional. It is just a matter of when she feels emotionally calm enough to see your posts. Work the Ungettable information for yourself and use social media to show you are doing well at the moment
Gazelle
July 3, 2020 at 8:56 pm
So the points mentioned on the two research theories don’t really apply to my ex boyfriend. It is my fault I was blocked back in February cause he had asked to be left alone after break up a few months before and everything and I crossed a line. Apologies had been made and I’ve done what I could including leaving him be thereafter for quite a while but even now he only unblocked me once reaching out via another number and only because I posed it as very important that I wanted to ask / discuss and pertaining to something that involves him. But right after I got blocked again. I did say he could but still. This happened 3x and I promised to leave him be. I had been in no contact (except for with his mom and grandmother rbut not about hjm I still have good relations with them) for two months before this. Now I’m going again but he doesn’t want me contacting him anyway. I only desire to at the very least refceive his full forgiveness and even if I don’t get closure for us to start over fresh as friends.. How is the no contact supposed to help in this regard aside from helping me gain perspective on life again and provide a long cool down period after which I might try reaching out in some way? Any pointers? I haven’t really found proper help on the grounds of being blocked even long after break up.
F
June 16, 2020 at 7:51 am
Hello, i’ve started no contact 9 days ago. before no contact i told him that i’ll be leaving him because he doenst treat me as if i’m someone special and i’ve realized that he speaks to girls and when i confronted him he was like he doesnt and blah blah but i made sure and he really did speak to all the girls out there and snaps them romantic songs (selected me too) thats why i dont see somthing special so i decided to leave and he didnt want me to leave, the second and third and forth day he kept on sending me snaps and on the fifth and sixth and seventh nothing, the eight’th day he’ve sent me a message wanted to start a convo and i ignored (cause i’m on a no contact rule) when i so i’ve ignored he was like ( hello i’m talking to you???) and i ignored again and the day after the told me i’m sorry but i’ll delete you i opened the chat hours later and then he deleted me in snap in one of his account only ( he added me in both of his snap account) so he only blocked me in one snapchat account he still have me on the other account. and i’m so sad why did he block me i was just doing the no contact rule because i want him to stop talking to these girls and to come back to me and stay together forever.
Confused
June 3, 2020 at 11:20 am
Hi! I would really love some help….
I was with someone about 5 years ago, and things didn’t work out. We have been reconnecting on and off since then and we are very much in love still. Our most recent reconnection was odd. At first, very friendly. And then the conversations grew deeper, and he grew distant. Cold, rude. Obvious attempts to push me away. Texts began to go unanswered. A lot of ‘you’ll never hurt me again’ ‘it’s too late’ etc. except when he was under the influence : then the mood was entirely different. ‘I love you, I miss you, want me to come see you? I’m sorry. Even when I’m rude remember that I love you’ etc. our last conversation was him under the influence proclaiming a desire to start over , since our reconnection kind of went south. Then, BAM. I’m blocked. I’m still blocked and it’s been about 3 weeks now. I feel terrible as if I have hurt him so deeply from our breakup years ago. Maybe things went too far and he wants to step back…any advice? Thank you so very much.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 15, 2020 at 8:33 pm
Hey there, so I would suggest that while you are blocked you read articles that apply to your situation and what sort of texting conversations you should be having with your ex. Learn about the value ladder. His reactions seem pretty normal from someone who is hurt but after 5 years you need to approach this as you are two new people getting to know each other again
anonymous
June 3, 2020 at 7:20 am
hi, my ex and i broke up 1 week ago and I have been implementing NC. Our relationship has always had problems because he has had issues with intimacy, which i had helped him with and he is now able to have a sexual life which he was unable to have before he met me. He says now that his heart wants to be with me however he feels he has to go out and experience things he hadn’t when he was younger due to his problems. Our relationship was 3 years long and amazing, we never fought and it was built on love and respect. We spoke about being together for the rest of our lives however he seems to know that this life would be unfulfilling for him yet he still thinks in his mind that he has to experience it. He blocked me suddenly on Instagram, Facebook and text messages and I have not spoken to him since. Although my friends say that due to his commitment issues the ‘feeling free’ stage has kicked in and he has followed lots of females on his social media account. Is the NC worth it? I wanted to spend my life with him and he wanted that with me. However. it seems that his issues have prevented that, and I’m wondering if we could end up together, or even friends at the end up.
kathy
May 28, 2020 at 10:47 pm
Hey
Do you recon my ex will eventually unblock me once his cooled down and the worlds cooled down If I do no contact?
His completely blocked me on everything. I called him out on his hot & cold behavior, I asked if he was alright because of lock down, I got silence i thought it was pretty odd then I saw something on Instagram which was weird I couldn’t actually make it out properly so I told him the truth I just said Look I saw something pretty odd online not sure if it’s all true or what but are you seeing someone else why you’re being cold? He got completely angry at me said I was crazy & seeing things, told me to move on and then blocked me on WhatsApp & Instagram. He kept me on Snapchat for a few days & messaged me really lovely stuff like I was stunning he was sorry but he was angry that I accused him of something & he can’t handle it & I said I didn’t I was just asking you a question you have gone so hot & cold with me since lock down I dunno what’s up it’s made me anxious. I Told him look it was fine to go our separate ways said it’s not good on my health this up & down motion he then continued to send me random snaps for few days then he blocked me on there too.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 3, 2020 at 10:48 pm
Hey Kathy yes it is likely you will be unblocked when your ex has calmed down