I’m SUPER excited to introduce you guys to Karina one of our Ex Recovery Program members who got her ex back. I had the pleasure of sitting down with her last week for about an hour and got to ask her all kinds of different questions about how she succeeded in getting her ex back.

So, if you’ve ever wondered;

1. What a long distance success story looks like
2. How it’s possible to get an army ex back
3. About real tips that actually worked for someone

Then you’re going to love this success story interview.

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How Karina Got Her Long Distance Army Ex Back

Chris Seiter:
I am recording. All right, so today, we’re going to be talking to Karina, who is a member of our private Facebook support group. She’s boughten some of our programs, and she has gotten her ex back, but she hasn’t seen him yet. And what’s interesting is I don’t know her situation like the back of my hand, but I’m assuming there’s some sort of long-distance situation going on there and next Friday, she’s going to be seeing him for the first time since getting him back. And she’s going to tell us the entire story of how they broke up and how they got back together, but first off, I just want to say welcome to the podcast, Karina.

Karina:
Hi.

Chris Seiter:
All right. So, man, there’s a lot to cover here. You have yourself a real interesting situation. So, why don’t we just start from the beginning. What caused this breakup?

Karina:
Well, that time, he broke up with me in September when he just got back from deployment.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, he’s an Army guy?

Karina:
He’s in the Army, yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Karina:
Well, we’d been almost together for seven years and-

Chris Seiter:
Wow, seven years together?

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, he broke up with you in September of this year. Well, it didn’t take you long to get him back at all. I’m sure it was miserable, though.

Karina:
Yes, because it was out of the blue. I was not expecting that.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, he gets back from deployment and he out of the blue breaks up with you. How does he break up with you?

Karina:
Well, he came back in August and he had to go back to Oklahoma because that was his last duty station since he came back three years ago from Korea. I live in Texas, he lives in Oklahoma, and it’s four or four and a half hours away from us. I saw him for two weeks and he came to Texas because he had his stuff here and his car and he needed it. We had this house here together.

Chris Seiter:
So, you owned a house together.

Karina:
I own a house, but-

Chris Seiter:
You own a house, but he was living with you.

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Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, you were living together. You’re together for seven years. When he came to visit you in Texas, had he already broken up with you?

Karina:
No, but something was odd.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, your spider sense is tingling. You’re like, “Okay, something’s up.”

Karina:
Yeah, I had this gut feeling. I mean, we didn’t see each other for a year. Of course, he was deployed and the greeting was kind of messed up.

Chris Seiter:
Define messed up. He just does some sort of awkward hug, like Voldemort did in Harry Potter?

Karina:
Yeah, it was awkward. It was just awkward because I was expecting him late in the afternoon, and then I was outside and all of a sudden I come in and I had this friend in my house that I didn’t know of and I was kind of…caught me by surprise.

Chris Seiter:
Hold on. So, I guess he had keys to go home. He comes home. And then you are getting off work. You come home and you’re just, all of a sudden there’s this random person in your house?

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Is the random person a girl or a guy?

Karina:
No, it is a guy.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Well, at least it’s a guy. Okay, so…

Karina:
It was awkward because I didn’t know him. I could not put face and face together. I never met him.

Chris Seiter:
So, maybe he was bringing a friend for support because he knew he was gonna break up with you. And he was like, “I know if someone’s there. She won’t freak out.”

Karina:
No, no, not like that. He picked him up from Oklahoma because his car was here the whole time.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Karina:
And he had no right and…

Chris Seiter:
So, this random guy is just sitting in your kitchen. And just you’re like, “What the heck is this?”

Karina:
Yeah. So, it was kind of awkward. And I did not know that. Well, I kind of knew that his friend’s bringing him in here. And is doing him a favor because he had to come to the town anyway, his friend. So, he gave him a ride here. So, but he was just standing here in a living room and I’m like, “Okay, hold on. Who are you?” And then he came around a corner. I guess he was looking for me in the house. And yeah, he gave me a hug, he kissed me and it was kind of awkward because we didn’t see each other for a year and his friend was here that I don’t know off.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, I get it. So you’re like expecting this really romantic.

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
But like, “Oh my god, you’re back.” And instead you get this awkward hug and kiss and some third parties sitting there and watching it all.

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Karina:
Yeah, that was very awkward.

Chris Seiter:
That’s pretty weird. Yeah. So, does he cut ties with you immediately? Or does he…?

Karina:
No. He was here for two weeks before he had to go back. He told me he wanted to do this school and army that’s really hard. And people don’t pass it. But he wants that, to do that school for his career.

Chris Seiter:
Is it a sniper type school or Navy SEAL?

Karina:
No, no. He is air defense. It was something for that to get promoted faster, and be in a better position to get better jobs when you get out of the army.

Chris Seiter:
Got it.

Karina:
So, it was very important for him. I knew about this. And he told me it was start. I think it was the beginning of…no, the 13th of September. So, he was here for two weeks. It was kind of awkward. He was always distant. He was always on his phone, distant, he didn’t want to do anything. And I took off for a week because I wanted to do something with him and my two kids. My previous kids from two previous marriages.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, I see. So, you have two kids and he’s kind of you’ve been with this guy for seven years. And you just wanted sort of the family to be back together?

Karina:
Yes. And it was kind of he was not there. So I knew, “Oh, my God, something is wrong.”

Chris Seiter:
So, he was physically present, but not emotionally present. Is that an accurate way of looking at it?

Karina:
Yes. I mean, he’s general unemotional but this time, it was…

Chris Seiter:
Stone Cold.

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, I’m assuming when you kind of sense, “Hey, he’s much more withdrawn the normal,” you confront him about it?

Karina:
I tried, but I couldn’t because I was in my own mental health stage.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, I mean the dam is going to break here. So, how does this breakup occur? Who initiates it?

Karina:
After the two weeks, it seemed to be normal again. We talk on the phone a lot or texting a lot during the day. It was a normal thing for us. He was not only my lover, and my partner, he was my best friend too. I tell him everything. And I was at work and five days before he had to go to school that I got a long text message at work.

Chris Seiter:
All right. So, it was just a text breakup?

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
What does this long text message basically say? Just give us the gist.

Karina:
That he was thinking about it, about the future and that he has to think about himself and he cannot go on with this. And he has to think about his career and but he still wants to support me and wants to be friends with me, and that he still loves me and my kids but he cannot go on like this. So, there was no indication what exactly was wrong.

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Chris Seiter:
He just said, “Hey, I can do this anymore.” And then just…

Karina:
Yes, basically, but I couldn’t read the whole text because it was long and then I was at work. He knew I was at work. I mean, since years and years, five years, I’m working in the same place. He knows when I got off and when I have to work. So, it caught me by surprise. And I called him at work. And he was saying me basically the same things. Sorry.

Chris Seiter:
It’s okay.

Karina:
I love you, but I’m not in love with you.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, the whole…

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
That whole spiel. So…

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
All right. So, what is your first reaction to this? Do you immediately go into panic mode and try to fix things? Do you immediately kind of say, “Well, screw you. I’m going to do my own thing.” Do you go to the internet and start searching for ex boyfriend recovery? What’s your first approach to this?

Karina:
Well, I hang up on him while he was talking.

Chris Seiter:
So, anger, anger?

Karina:
Anger. Not only anger, I was shocked. I was in a state of shock. So, I hang up on him because I couldn’t hear his voice. I didn’t want to hear his voice and all this. How can you say that bs? Because it didn’t make any sense to me.

Chris Seiter:
It seems like there’s some aspect of the equation that he’s not telling you.

Karina:
Yes. So, I even asked him on a phone. “Do you have found somebody else, did you met somebody else?” And he was saying no. And when he told me, okay, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” That was for me the point okay, I hang up on you and I crashed at work. I had to go home, I was crying, I was on the floor. I did not want that he hears that over the phone that I was crying because I’m the kind of person that end showing weakness. And then, basically, I went home. I didn’t know what to do. I called my mom in Germany because…so, oops.

Chris Seiter:
Looks like your mom’s calling you.

Karina:
No. Sorry. And then I called my mom and she was like, “Yeah, there’s nothing you can do leave him alone.” Basically

Chris Seiter:
All right. So, the age old advice of just like, “Well, we’re just gonna leave him alone at this point.”

Karina:
Yeah, let him think about it. Leave him alone.

Chris Seiter:
And it’s never that easy. Is it? You still…

Karina:
No, it’s not. It took me four days.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, four days before what happens?

Karina:
That I sent him begging text.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, what does the begging text say? Like, “Just please, rethink.”

Karina:
Yeah, I love him, he’s my best friend. How can I fix this?

Chris Seiter:
Right, Okay.

Karina:
He was cold. He was very cold. He was like, “Yeah, you have to respect my decision. And I already told you, and it’s over.” And I keep asking and asking, and like, “Why is it over?” And because I wanted to know what happened here. Because it was out of the blue. It did not make any sense to me. And then he texted more things like, “I told you so many times what the problem was, and you keep ignoring it.”

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, he’s saying he’s told you what the problem is. What does he mean by that?

Karina:
It basically to start it when he got deployed the first time to Korea. And I started getting depressions.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So he’s worried, he feels like your mental health is attached to his being away from you. And he feels almost like guilt from that, or what is his thinking behind that?

Karina:
Basically, I was not communicating that time for three years. And try to hide it and just started complaining about my job, my life, my kids, everything. I was negative.

Chris Seiter:
Well, that doesn’t seem an abnormal thing. Unless it is maybe just overly negative. Is that how he perceives it? You’re just too negative? Is that what…

Karina:
[inaudible 00:13:47] not me. He knew.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, maybe it’s more of like, “Well, you’re not the person I thought I was dating.”

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, that’s how he frames it. And I’m sure you don’t take this information too kindly. Do you?

Karina:
No because at this point, I mean, we were almost seven years together and how could he do something like that?

Chris Seiter:
That’s a long time.

Karina:
But for him was all the time…even though he said on the phone, the last phone call we had and he said, “You never communicate.” And that was another one of those problems. That I’m eating everything inside and then out of the blue, I’m going to explode. And he tried to give me advice for everything the last three years and try to help me and I was just basically sitting there and say, “I know, I know. I know.” And he couldn’t take it anymore. Because I developed anxiety, a panic attack, I couldn’t drive anymore, and I wasn’t with the speed razor. And he felt like he was failing, and he couldn’t help me anymore. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He had no choice to break up.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, that seems like he’s communicating that pretty well. But obviously, you still want him back. So eventually at some point, you probably go to YouTube or you could probably come to Google or something you find some of the stuff I’m writing about, I was talking about and you buy into the program. What was your experience like from that point?

Karina:
Well, after that bagging text and it didn’t work out so well.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah, those usually don’t work to well.

Karina:
Yeah, it didn’t work. I was trying, I was like, “Okay,”

Chris Seiter:
Everyone does it. So don’t…

Karina:
Yeah, I’m like, “Okay you cannot [inaudible 00:15:52]can be that seven years. And you tell me you love me and I try to understand that phrase, what Americans say, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” It’s not something like that European people use

Chris Seiter:
Yeah, yeah. That’s an interesting thing, isn’t it?

Karina:
Yeah, I kind of understand that. And then I came, start googling right away after that text message didn’t went well, because he just blew me off. He was just like, “I need to go I have to work, I have to study for my school.” And one of the final sentence was like, “Work on yourself or work on myself.” So, I knew what the problem was at this point. And I was like, “How can I fix this? And how can I get him back?” And yeah, and I found you. Bought your program and start reading.

Chris Seiter:
You start reading, you start watching the videos, listening to audio. I saw I noticed you weren’t active participant in the Facebook group. Because before our interview, I was going back and looking at some of the things that you were posting and responding to people. But what I always find is interesting when people buy into the program, not everyone has the same path within the program. Some people use parts of it. Some people don’t use it at all. Some people use it to a tee. What was your experience with regards to that? Did you try to follow it as closely as possible? Did you have any hiccups? Did you make any mistakes?

Karina:
No, that day it was September 10. That was the day when I went to no contact.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, September 10. You learned about the No Contact Rule. You’re like, “Okay, I’m going to try this.”

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
How hard was that?

Karina:
Very, very hard. Very hard.

Chris Seiter:
It’s like going through another breakup. Did you fail?

Karina:
No.

Chris Seiter:
Wow. Okay, so you’re one of two out of 10 people don’t fail on the first try. So, what do you do during no contact?

Karina:
To be honest, I went crazy.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, well, at least you’re honest.

Karina:
I went nuts. Because you have you went through all those emotions okay. Especially with me when you with somebody so long and out of the blue, being ice cold, and they’re like, “Ha, why doesn’t he love me anymore? And I’m useless. I’m not worth that.” But then, like I said, I started reading your program, I started watching videos, not only yours from other people about relationships, men, how men think and during no contact. I wanted to know everything. That was basically what helped me.

Chris Seiter:
So, you said you start watching videos. Were they just general videos on how men think in relationships, or is it specifically about how men think during no contact?

Karina:
Everything, both.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, all right.

Karina:
Because it was always interesting for me. And that’s psychological thinking for humans. So, that was holding me back not to break contact. Because I knew you have to do the opposite.

Chris Seiter:
And you’re…sorry, go ahead.

Karina:
You have to do the opposite and not what your emotions tells you to do because it will mess it up. That was the hot thing. Even if you think “Oh, he’s just going to forget me and I need to text him and everything. I was like cutting my fingers off not to do this. I went to the gym. He’s a gym freak. I used to go to the gym. I was always fit and I was doing sports since I was a kid. And I was like, “I want my body back.”

Chris Seiter:
So you’re just like, “Okay, I’m gonna go work out.”

Karina:
Work out. It helped humongous was the anxiety and panic attacks that I’ve fought. Then I had a coaching session was Anna.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, so you got Anna to help you?

Karina:
Yeah. Because there are times that I was like, “I don’t know what to do.” And I…

Chris Seiter:
What was some of her advice on the coaching session?

Karina:
Well, she asked me how it was before when we met and that was something I had to think about it, yeah, she’s right. Because that that was before than the Karina from three years with depression, anxiety and panic attack. And she didn’t know what to do and that he had no choice. I wasn’t a sinking ship.

Chris Seiter:
So she’s just trying to get you back in touch with sort of Yeah, with the energy and the essence of what of the person you were when you first met him?

Karina:
Yes. And work on myself and fixing the problem, not only to get him back, but for myself.

Chris Seiter:
What were some of the things that you did to do that? So, you mentioned that you had this depression, you mentioned that, and breakups don’t help depression, obviously, I just want you to know that. But you also have these panic attacks, which I’ve actually had a friend. I remember in college, she had a panic attack. We were out for an extra credit assignment at some museum, a bunch of us, she just had a panic attack in the middle of museum and no one knew what to do. It was kind of a frightening thing. So ,what did you do to…I’m not going to say overcame some of the stuff fully, but what did you do to kind of make inroads on it?

Karina:
The gym.

Chris Seiter:
The gym. So actually, for you is more of a physical exertion type aspect that helped you deal with it.

Karina:
Yeah. I mean, Anna taught me to go to the counselling and everything. I did it but I don’t know if it’s a here kind of thing that China does crappy pills and everything. I don’t want that because that did that before I met him years ago.

Chris Seiter:
So for you, it’s more of just like, “I want to do something. I want to take some type of action,” and going to the gym, physically exerting yourself, going for a run or something like that is what helps you the most, getting in motion.

Karina:
Yeah. And then it’s distracting you too. I’m guilty. I was stalking.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, well, though, everyone is guilty of that too. Everyone doesn’t want to admit to it. And I’m just sort of like, “Just be honest. You know, it’s okay.” So, you did the Facebook stalking thing. Were you still friends on Facebook?

Karina:
No, it was literally right after he texted me the breakup text. He deleted himself from Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat.

Chris Seiter:
So, he just deleted his profile?

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Wow. That’s an interesting approach. Okay, so he deletes his profiles. But how did you Facebook stalk up if he deleted his profiles?

Karina:
I was hoping it pops up one day or something.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, I see. Okay.

Karina:
On Instagram he deleted me from…he still had his Instagram. But he never posted anything, even if…before that he posted randomly things and all that. So, he basically was like he was never there.

Chris Seiter:
Wow, he just erased himself from reality.

Karina:
Yeah. So, I was thinking about it. Maybe because he has to focus on a school. He doesn’t want to see anything about me. And he unfriended me on Instagram. But Facebook was completely he erased themselves.

Chris Seiter:
Wow, that’s a big move.

Karina:
Yes, right after that text and when I called him that was, It was shocking for me.

Chris Seiter:
Well, I think it does go to show that the breakup did hurt him as well. And we’re going to find that out. Obviously, when you do get back in touch with him. But your no contact rule, how long did it last?

Karina:
39 days.

Chris Seiter:
39 days. So, you went more of the longer period of no contact. And then after no contact is up, how did you feel? Did you feel like you were in a better place emotionally or were you still have work to do?

Karina:
Well, when I talk to Anna and me and Anna decided to do…what is it called? Inter-division, that word. Doing a no contact of than a usual 30 or 45 days. Because I told her about the school and it was from the 13th of September to before Thanksgiving. So, we decided to do that just to leave him alone. Don’t bother him and anything like that. So, in the whole time, I was counting days, of course. I mean, you do that. But I was keep going and going. I had to go to work. Even people saw that I work. I was not feeling well. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I did exercise beyond no return.

Chris Seiter:
You went all in on the exercise?

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. It seemed work for you.

Karina:
Yeah, it worked for me. And then I ordered your book Ungettable.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you got Ungettable. You’re reading Ungettable.

Karina:
Yeah, I was reading that.

Chris Seiter:
Did it actually come? There’s been some ever since COVID happened. There’s been some delays on…

Karina:
Yeah, it came took from Amazon. I think it was three, four days later that I got it.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, perfect.

Karina:
And, yeah, everything I could find on the internet due to your page. I was reading it, even at work.

Chris Seiter:
You just immersed yourself into it.

Karina:
Yeah. Interesting.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Did you end up listening to this podcast that you’re on right now?

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Well, that’s could be a treat for you. But you were thinking like, I hope one day to be on that podcast.

Karina:
Yeah, kind of. But like I said, I went to the stages emotionally. Yes, I want to text him. And I was like, I always, even at work. When I had to go to the bathroom. I look myself in a mirror was like, “No, you got to make it, you’re not begging and you’re not breaking contact.” If you want him back, you have to fix yourself. And Don’t break no contact. Go ahead, keep going.

Chris Seiter:
All right, so you kind of took the Extreme Ownership Approach, which is, “No matter what, I am going to do everything I possibly can what’s in my power to make this work?”

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
But there’s an extra element to it. And that’s where you have to get back into talking to them. Right? So, your no contact is 39 days. Does he reach out at all to you during those 39 days?

Karina:
No.

Chris Seiter:
Not at all. So, that has to be in the back of your mind, a worry.

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Who reaches out to who first eventually? Because the no contact is over? Usually we tell our clients to reach out first. What was your experience with that?

Karina:
I did not know really what I was expecting or what I should have. What should I do? Because normally it is supposed to be before Thanksgiving, my first text. And of course you’re hoping he’s reaching out but depends on what he’s writing or what he’s texting you. We go from there. Even if it’s a stupid thing like, “Yeah, I miss you,” or something. I would not answer that. Yes, it makes you happy. But it makes you only happy for 10 minutes maybe and then you fall back in the same misery that you were before. And I did not want that. I had to acknowledge this old relationship with him is over. It’s got to be a new beginning.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, you reach out first, I’m guessing.

Karina:
No.

Chris Seiter:
No? Wow, Okay. So, he reaches out first.

Karina:
Yeah, I’m the kind of person that have too much pride. And I was like, “I want this so bad. I cannot fail.” I’m that kind of person Even if I’m suffering crying, I was crying a lot. I was crying. Two days before he reached out. I was crying. I’m like, “I’m worthless.” And I’m always this pep talk to myself. “No, you’re not. You got to make it if you want to back up.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, I like that. I like that a lot. Okay, so you’ve just basically reprogrammed your brain to anytime you had maybe a catalyst for depression you would just sort of grab it and say, “No, that’s wrong. I’m better.” And then he reaches out. So what does he reach out with?

Karina:
The whole 39 days. I was working on myself trying to make myself better and I didn’t post anything for four weeks.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Is that abnormal for you?

Karina:
No, not necessarily. I mean, I post randomly things on Instagram not much on Facebook at all and because I was still looking if he is on Facebook again and he was…the week before he reached out. I was at work and I was randomly looking. And then all of a sudden his Facebook profile popped up. And I was still friends with him. And he didn’t post anything, either. So, it was kind of like, “Okay, what is he doing? And should I post something? Or maybe I want him to feel and think the same way? What I was thinking, “Okay, where is she?” I was thinking and in my no contact race, “What is he doing?” We all do that. And I was mirroring him. So, he started all of a sudden posting things on Instagram. And I had a friend she was looking at it because I’m not looking at. I want to know, but I’m not looking at it.Even if you want to, I’m not going to do that.

Chris Seiter:
You got a girlfriend who’s going to do it for you sort of the go between?

Karina:
Yes, and it’s wrong because it…I start crying again. I was emotional. But then 10 minutes later, “you got to keep going. Okay, you want to win. You’ve got to keep going.” And then I started posting gym pictures, the ug pictures, [inaudible 00:31:32] pictures.

Chris Seiter:
Yep. I hear that work.

Karina:
He didn’t like it, like my picture, but he was seeing it. Then I posted the day before he reached out. So day 38 that I’m doing school. I’m trying to find another job. Because that is the main thing that destroyed our relationship too because I was…

Chris Seiter:
it was [inaudible 00:32:01]your job a lot.

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Karina:
He liked that picture.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. And then he reaches out.

Karina:
And he texted me. Was exactly that sentence. Why do I have to leave you? What is it exactly? Something like, “Why do I have to leave you? So you live again, to live again?”

Chris Seiter:
Oh, so it’s almost like he noticed the changes?

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
And he was like, “This is the person that I fell in love with.”

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Interesting. That is an interesting first reach out text, by the way, that’s very direct. How do you respond to that?

Karina:
Oh, I respond. In emotional control. Yeah, something like, “I did a lot of thinking and I had to change, too. Because I did not want to be in that stage anymore in its present stage and live in it.” That was my answer, short and…

Chris Seiter:
To the point.

Karina:
To the point. And then he started texting me again like, “I’m proud of you.”

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, you guys sort of start this very easy communication on day. 39.

Karina:
But I made him…my texts shorts.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, so he was a little bit more invested in those text messages than you.

Karina:
Yeah, because I didn’t want to give so much out for myself in the beginning and then push them away again, or scare him away.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Karina:
I want him to leave them thinking and wanting more.

Chris Seiter:
How did it work out for you?

Karina:
He called me because I…

Chris Seiter:
He called you that day?

Karina:
He called me that day, he basically said, sorry for that word, I’m fucking with his brain.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So he’s obviously getting very direct here. So, how does a phone call…is this like when he asked for you back right away?

Karina:
No.

Chris Seiter:
No. okay. So, let’s skip ahead to that. So the phone call I’m assuming kind of goes…how long does it take before he kind of asks for you back?

Karina:
Not really asking me back.

Chris Seiter:
So, it’s more of an organic type assumption.

Karina:
Yeah, yes. He’s not…how can I say that? He’s kind of, he’s a logical thinker. From the beginning why we last so long, it was he always was attracted to my thinking, and my brain. Because I’m different. And I accept him for who he is and who he is. Because this the same way people think he’s rude, he is aloof and I’m the only person who understands him. And he wrote me before he called before he called me he was like, “I can perfectly live by myself. But since I know there’s somebody out in this world who understands me and takes me who I am, I cannot be by myself.” So, he meant me by that.

Chris Seiter:
He calls you and…

Karina:
Two hours, he asked me what I did and what happened to me. And how did I change back to the Karina that I was before and we talked, nothing happened. And then it was surprisingly, because normally he is always sleeping at nine o’clock because he has to go get out at four o’clock for formation. It’s military.

Chris Seiter:
So, he’s up early.

Karina:
Yeah. And I was surprised we were on the phone for two hours. I was cool. I kept my cool. The whole time. I wasn’t even surprised that he called me. And then his last sentence was like, “Do you think I will not text you or call you tomorrow?” I was like, “I don’t know.” Other people would probably say yes, I want you to text me or call me. I kept my cool and I was like, “That’s up to you.” And two days later, we texted a text the next morning and basically, he was like, “We’re back together.”

Chris Seiter:
Wow. Okay, so it just became this organic.

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
He was really drawn to the energy that you had before.

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
So, we’re coming up on like almost an hour here. But basically, the last few questions I had for you were with regards to when you look back at your entire experience, and I want you to just pinpoint what you feel worked. In your opinion, when you look back at your entire experience, this turnaround that he had, what do you feel worked for you?

Karina:
You got to stay in no contact, you got to work on yourself.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So it’s the standard advice that I keep hearing from all these success stories, which is…

Karina:
Yeah, that is a standard advice. Even if he later he told me he had a rebound. He tried to replace me for a couple of weeks.

Chris Seiter:
Really? Okay. So, that’s an interesting turn. What did he have to say about that?

Karina:
He was honest, he could have been lying. He asked me if I had somebody else. And I was like, “No, I was working on myself and healing myself and be the Karina who I was before.” And his answer was “Touche” But he had a rebound. Well, he didn’t call her a rebound. Basically, he’s trying to tell me, he tried to replace me, she was kind of like me in my worst stages the last three years and he couldn’t forget me.

Karina:
And he was still loving with me. So, he ended it. But I did not know because I thought he was not the type of guy that he would do that. But he was like, “I just did not want to think about that seven years down the drain. And I tried to move on. And I’m thinking about us, not about me, even if you still love me,” and he couldn’t shake it off and he broke up with her. He was honest.

Chris Seiter:
So, he was honest about how he went on this rebound and how he almost started comparing the rebound to you and she just didn’t really compared to the history.

Karina:
That’s not me.

Chris Seiter:
Got it. And you really feel like the key to your success was not just doing No Contact Rule. But what you did with that time, during the No Contact Rule. A lot of how you were integrating some of the darker aspects that you’ve you’ve had trouble with before with the depression and the panic attacks and how you just sort of attacked it these exercises and these workouts and I actually find it particularly interesting how you would look at yourself in the mirror and say, “No, I could do this. I’m stronger than this.” You feel like that was sort of the essential key to getting back to the Karina that you were before things kind of took a downward momentum turn.

Karina:
Yeah. So, never ever give up on yourself. And never ever break no contact because it’s a time for you, even if it’s the worst thing ever. You got to work on yourself, watch videos, read books. Everything you can find of, work on yourself go to the gym. Yes, you have ups and downs but you have to keep going through those. If you really want somebody back, the main thing is don’t break the No Contact Rule because it’s for you and for the other person and heal.

Chris Seiter:
Heal.

Karina:
Heal

Chris Seiter:
Heal. So healing how…when you say healing, what do you feel like was the best way that you did that?

Karina:
Basically was my situation with anxiety and everything and depression and panic attack that was the gym. It was fighting my demons and that was for me for next week I have to drive four and a half hour that is the first time I’m driving again that long and that far after three years. So, I’m very excited if I can make it, I hope I make it.

Chris Seiter:
You’re going to make, you’re going to make it. You’re totally going to make it.

Karina:
Yeah. And just whatever the personal issue was and if you know the reason for the breakup, I will work on it. And always remember the old relationship is gone. You got to focus on the new thing.

Chris Seiter:
So, the key for you, just so I’m having this right was sort of don’t break no contact, make sure you use that time during no contact to face your demons, slay your demons, and also have a distinct understanding that your old relationship isn’t ever going to come back. Instead, it’s time to create something new and better.

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Beautiful, beautiful. So, no, this is kind of interesting question that I’ve been taken to asking, and this will be the final question, because I know I’ve taken up so much of your time already. But one thing, one pattern I’ve noticed among my success stories is that there’s this interesting tendency where at one point, they almost kind of stopped caring about getting their ex back then was kind of fall in love with the process of self reliance. Did you ever experienced that? Because to me, I feel like you might be an outlier. Because when I hear your story, a lot of it seems like you were dead set on always trying to get him back. Was there ever a point where you’re just like, “You know what, if I don’t get him back, that’s okay.”

Karina:
Oh, I had those pawns, too. Of course, yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, you did sort of get down to that mindset, eventually, where you’re like, “You know what, I’m going do everything possible if I can get back, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll still be okay.” I feel happy where I’m at.

Karina:
I had no choice. That’s why I was always telling myself don’t break no contact, no matter what the outcome is, yes it was in the beginning and almost till the end till he reached out there were days “Yeah, I’m doing this for him. Because I want to back. You’re not a failure.” But it was also for me like, “No, I have too much pride. And no matter what the outcome is, if it comes back or not, you will be fine. Yeah, it’s got to be hard and you’re gonna heal from it, but you have to keep on living.” That was for me the thing yeah, it was like, “I don’t care if it comes back or not.”

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Beautiful. Yeah, you so you’re like the 11th person in a row who’s gotten their ex back who has told me those exact words. [inaudible 00:52:09], that I really believe that’s a key. But the thing I’m noticing and this is the one last thing I’d like your take on is a lot of people who say that they experience this point of no return where they’re literally get to this point where they’re like, “If I don’t get him back. I’ll keep living, I’ll be okay.” It’s not something that they can pretend, they almost have to honestly feel it. Do you agree with that statement?

Karina:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So, it’s not something that you fake…So, it’s almost like you’re almost for anyone listening to this and hopefully you’ve listened to her entire story because it’s an interesting one. But for anyone listening to this who’s going through a breakup and is wondering what the secret key or the secret sauces to getting an ex back I think this is it. It’s getting to this point where you feel like you have the fortitude to move on no matter what. And Karina is just the latest example of someone who did that. Awesome. She did such an excellent job of doing that. I would argue Karina that you had a really much more difficult situation because you had some of the more internal battles with your depression and your panic attacks. And even despite that, you overcame it.

Karina:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
So, you should feel extremely proud of yourself.

Karina:
I am. Thank you.

Chris Seiter:
Thank you for coming on to the podcast. Sharing your story.