Today I’m going to show you our method for asking your ex for a second chance in five simple steps. The best part is that we have a lot of success stories to back up that what we are about to suggest to you actually works.

Without further ado, here are the five key steps to asking an ex to give you a second chance.

1. Understand That The Circumstances Around When You Ask For A Second Chance Matter
2. Adopt The Mindset That You Need To Re-Invent Yourself During A No Contact Period
3. Find Your Magnum Opus
4. Every Day Is About Small Progression
5. Stick To The Principles Of The Value Ladder

We’re going to get deep here so buckle up.

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Step #1: Understand That The Circumstances Around When You Ask For A Second Chance Matter

Most people that I come across make the classic mistake of asking for too much too soon. Our internal research has indicated that the vast majority of readers that enter our orbit have been on the receiving end of a breakup. This means we’ve had over a decade to study their behaviors post breakup and almost all fall into the same trap of wanting results too quickly.

We think this is due to our research on anxious attachment behaviors.

Most of our clients exhibit anxious tendencies while their exes exhibit avoidant behaviors.

A classic sign of someone who is anxious is they need a lot of re-assurance in relationships. That’s because they gain their purpose in relationships. So, as you can imagine a breakup occurring is a big deal to them and can often feel like their whole world is falling apart.

Often they’ll scramble during the post breakup phase asking for a second chance before their ex is even ready to entertain that idea. And that’s really the first thing I want to highlight.

My team and I have found that “how” you ask for a second chance isn’t nearly as important as “when” you ask for a second chance.

Ultimately two things need to happen before you even consider asking for them back.

1. You need to be in the right place emotionally
2. You need to have rebuilt value.

The rest of this article is going to show you how to handle those two things.

Step #2: Adopt The Mindset That You Need To Re-Invent Yourself During The No Contact Period

Before I talk about the “re-inventing” I’d first like to talk about the no contact rule.

In my opinion, it’s the single most important step you can take after a breakup.

If you aren’t familiar with how it works then hopefully this definition will suffice,

The no contact rule refers to a period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you

My team and I have been studying the no contact rule for close to a decade and believe it or not we found that what you do with that time away from your ex, when ignoring them, is the most important part of it.

In fact, our research has shown that most exes won’t even contact you during it,

The key in that definition is you are going to outgrow your ex and you do that by re-inventing yourself.

Now, there may be some people who take that the wrong way. They’ll think I’m insinuating that they aren’t perfect the way they are but personally I think if that’s your read on “re-inventing yourself” then you have a poor outlook on life.

There’s not one person walking this earth that can’t benefit from this idea of constant adaptation and mastery of self.

This is an idea though that I can’t claim credit for. A few months ago I went down the YouTube rabbit hole one night and stumbled across this video from famed Brazilian Ju Jitsu coach, John Danaher.

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Specifically this part of the video where he says,

“I have a fervent belief that human beings in most skill activities, not all skill activities but most, can re-invent themselves in five year periods.”

Really what he’s talking about is the concept of mastery. According to him, if you can dedicate your life to acquiring a skill for five years you can become world class within that skill. Maybe not the best in the world but a true master.

Five years. I love this because it touches the very heart of what I consider to be the key of getting an ex back.

Finding something you care more about thank your ex.

Step #3: Find Your Magnum Opus

Notice that so far we haven’t technically engaged in any type of external strategy to win an ex back. Everything has been internal work. This is because before you even begin thinking about asking your ex for that second chance you need to be in the right frame of mind. Before I talk about the magnum opus concept I’d first like to talk about the holy trinity concept.

The holy trinity is all about dividing your life up into three distinct categories.

1. Health
2. Wealth
3. Relationships (outside of your ex)

And then finding a way to balance it so that all of your time is being used on things that fulfill you as a human being.

Watch this video if you want a more in-depth explanation of what the holy trinity is.

Ultimately the reason I bring the holy trinity up is that it can help inform your magnum opus.

According to Dictionary.com a magnum opus is,

A large and important work of art, music, or literature, especially one regarded as the most important work of an artist or writer.

Essentially the way I’ve always viewed it is that when you are on your death bed and someone asks you what the most important thing you did in your life was the magnum opus is your answer. It’s that one thing that you’ll be remembered for when it’s all said and done.

The tragedy is that most people don’t have a magnum opus because they live unfulfilling lives. Stuck in routine and safety. That’s not what I want for you.

So, how do you find your magnum opus?

The truth is that I’ve written a lot of articles on this website talking about how to do just that but there is brilliance in brevity and that’s the approach I’m going to take here.

The best way to find your magnum opus is to find the one thing that intersects all areas of the trinity. What one thing can you dedicate your life to that will, Help you live a healthy lifestyle both physically and mentally Earn you money Help you establish relationships that leave you fulfilled I don’t know about you but I’ve never seen an ex do all of these things.

Think long and hard at what thing can fulfill those three criteria and then you probably have found your magnum opus.

I’ll use myself as an example.

I haven’t talked a lot about it on this website because it’s so drastically different from it but I’m writing a science fiction/fantasy book series. It’s something that I consider to be my magnum opus. The one thing I hope I’m remembered for when it’s all said and done.

That intersection between health, wealth and relationships.

1. Health: Because it fulfills me emotionally (I’ve never had a problem with staying in shape but my mental health has always been more challenging. This solves that problem for me.)
2. Wealth: Because if it’s successful it can provide me with income for the rest of my life. The odds aren’t great for that but it has the potential to happen.
3. Relationships: Because if I can pull it off it’ll inspire and touch people on an emotional level. I’ll know I’m bettering the world in some way. Additionally, I’ve met so many amazing individuals in the pursuit of this endeavor. It gives me a greater purpose to strive towards. A clear cut goal to accomplish.

Which leads me to the next step.

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Step #4: Every Day Needs To Be About Small Progression

I know it seems like the stuff I’m talking about how no correlation to asking your ex for a second chance but I promise it does.

One thing I’ve learned in my decade of work here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that getting you to the right frame of mind is literally 90% of the battle.

Texts that make him/her respond… Secret reverse psychology tactics… Those are all fine and good but ultimately overrated.

Which leads me to my next big point.

Every day from the moment the breakup occurs need to be about stacking small progressions on top of one another in pursuit of that magnum opus I just talked about.

Remember above how I mentioned that I fell down the rabbit hole in YouTube and started watching John Danaher videos?

Well, I stumbled across this beauty,

Here’s the sentiment.

If you look at the course of an average day most days are actually pretty mundane. Sure, you can make a case that every so often there are two or three days in your life that are monumental and change the course of your life.

Something extremely good happens or something extremely bad happens.

But the vast majority of days you’ll experience are unexceptional. Boring even.

So, if you operate with this assumption there’s a chance where you can drift through your entire life where the vast majority of your days are lived without any real meaning. If that’s the case 95% of your life will have been a waste of time. Scary thought, right?

So, we have to be selfish about our time and what we spend it on.

It’s our most valuable asset in life and yet most of us dedicate it to meaningless pursuits.

Now, many of you reading this will have realized that one of the reasons I spent so much time focused on the magnum opus concept is that I was trying to inspire you to find a greater meaning in your life.

Of course, the paradox is that true magnum opuses aren’t built overnight.

They’re not built in years. They’re built over the course of entire lifetimes. This insinuates that one singular day in the pursuit of a magnum opus isn’t going to make a huge difference. But stringing together thousands of these days… that’s when something special happens.

This is the way I want you to view your time after the breakup with your ex.

Recognize that your goal for a singular day is to spend time focusing on an area of your life that gives you meaning.

Progress in small amounts every single day. Don’t try to climb to the moon. This is how I want you to live your entire life. It’ll be a maddening pursuit at times and may feel as if nothing is getting accomplished. But we measure results over long periods of time.

Now, while you are doing this work for your magnum opus I also want you to be engaging in the value ladder system.

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Step #5: Stick To The Principles Of The Value Ladder

Here is where we get to the actual components of “when” to ask for a second chance.

The truth is that you shouldn’t be asking for a second chance with an ex until you reach the top of the value ladder.

What’s a value ladder?

Simply put, it’s a system I designed to explain how to properly rebuild value and get back in touch with an ex after a breakup.

There are five main “rungs” that belong to it each requiring you to master the “rung” before you can climb to the next one. Much like a ladder. Get to the top of the ladder and you give yourself the best chance of having your ex say yes to a second chance with you.

Of course, the reason I spent so much time in this article focusing on all the stuff that happens outside of the value ladder is consistently when I interview success stories they cite that “outside work” as among the most impactful to their success.

But I’m getting off topic.

As stated before, the value ladder has five main rungs.

1. The no contact rule rung: which is simply the rung where you implement the no contact rule
2. The texting phase rung: which is the phase after no contact is complete where you begin to get back in touch with your ex and start slowly rebuilding value with them
3. The phone call phase rung: which is the phase where you start talking to your ex on the phone, FaceTime or video chat to rebuild value. It’s important to note that the phone call phase simply gets added on top of the texting phase.
4. The meetup phase rung: once enough value is built in the previous two phases you start seeing your ex in person and building romantic value there.
5. The ask phase rung: Usually once you’ve hit the meetup phase successfully you are at a place where your ex is considering giving you a second chance. Give them the opportunity to ask you first before you ask for them.

Theoretically the time to ask your ex for a second chance is only after you’ve reached the top of the value ladder.

But everything builds on top of each other similar to how you keep adding things on top of one another for the value ladder.

Magnum opus, holy trinity, small progressions. These little things all combine to create the ideal scenario where you can successfully convince an ex to give you a second chance.