Today we’re going to talk about the no contact rule. More specifically what it means when you’ve done it for 30 days and haven’t heard anything from an ex.

• What’s going on in their heads?
• Is the no contact rule overrated?
• How should you approach things going forward?

There’s a lot to talk about with this one.

Starting first with a dose of hard reality you probably aren’t going to like.

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The Great Misconceptions Revolving Around The No Contact Rule

The breakup industry as a whole has a pretty negative vibe.

It makes sense, you are often dealing with clients who are going through one of the most painful moments of their personal lives but it’s actually not the clients I’m talking about.

No, it’s often the “guru’s” that give the breakup industry as a whole a pretty negative vibe.

It’s the profits over people mentality.

Now, I’m actually going to be honest with anyone reading this and admit that there was a time, right around 2016 and 2017 where I fell into this mentality.

It seemed that every decision I made for Ex Boyfriend Recovery was motivated by money and as a result the advice I gave to people suffered.

And it’s hard, once you are successful you naturally want more success so you double down and almost remove yourself from the equation. You stop caring about getting to the heart of the matter and instead focus in on what’s going to make you the most money.

You lose sight of why you started doing this in the first place, which was to help individuals heal after a breakup.

Anyways, I bring this up because what I’m about to say may be shocking to hear.

I know just about everyone in the breakup industry. I don’t want to single anyone out but one of the observations I’ve made is that most of the breakup industry has fallen victim to the profits over people mentality.

And the no contact rule is often the biggest “get rich quick” scheme that the industry will concoct.

How often have you seen a breakup “guru” claim,

• The no contact rule will get your ex back.
• All you need to do is ignore them
• It’s the cure to all your problems

Now, I’m not saying I’m innocent. I’ve definitely promoted things in ways similar. However, where I differ from many of my peers is that I subscribe to the,

Sell them what they want, teach them what they need mentality

And I’m very honest about it.

But I’m getting off topic.

It seems pretty clear that the no contact rule is the star of the show for many breakup coaches but what most breakup coaches neglect to tell you is that they are selling you a lie.

The no contact rule alone will not win your ex back.

Here’s the truth.

Looking At Why The No Contact Rule Isn’t Working The Way You Are Expecting It To

A few years ago I genuinely grew curious to see how often exes would reach out during no contact. The natural assumption around the industry is that if you use a no contact rule then your ex is likely to reach out to you in some form of,

• Begging
• Pleading
• Anger
• Rage

Something, right?

And usually those in the industry will cite these stories of an ex who reached out and “begged” for you back as proof that the no contact rule works.

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But I wanted to put it to the test.

I wanted to see what a large collection of individuals said their experience was with it.

The results genuinely shocked me,

So, I asked my Facebook group (which has over 7,000 of our clients in it) the following question,

For those of you who have completed the no contact rule; How many of your exes reached out to you during it.

My honest guess would be that close to 70% of individuals would say that their ex tried a reach out attempt at least once. Shockingly, the exact opposite happened.

62% of participants in the poll claimed that their ex did not reach out to them during no contact.

So, what does that mean?

Is this proof that the no contact rule is overrated?

Well, not exactly.

In fact, if you go to our success story section you’ll find that in every one of our success stories (with the exception of one) some form of no contact was used.

So, the no contact rule does work but just not the way you’ve been told and for me this is the most frustrating aspect of the whole breakup industry.

They try to frame the no contact process as if it’s this easy thing. As if all you need to do is ignore your ex and the promised land is yours.

Why The No Contact Isn’t Working The Way You Are Expecting It To

Success stories really make up the brunt of our assertions on Ex Boyfriend Recovery. In fact, here’s an interesting experiment. If you have some time go to our blog and scroll to some of the very first articles I ever wrote back in 2012.

One of the things you’ll find is how low quality and outdated they are.

Why?

I was just a 23 year old kid with little life experience writing about a very nuanced and complicated subject. Also, I didn’t have any success stories outside of a friend I helped who was pregnant.

It really wasn’t until we started coaching in 2016 that the success stories began to really roll in that we started learning what really was working for people.

Success stories are king.

Remember that because if you enter into the breakup industry and are getting seduced by something someone is saying look for their success stories and that will tell you everything you need to know.

Successful breakup practices will not be afraid to show you their success stories. Unsuccessful ones will.

But I’m getting off topic again.

It really wasn’t until we started studying our own success stories that we began to understand what the difference was between successful and unsuccessful no contact rules.

Really there is one core component at the heart of a successful no contact.

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Understanding The Core Components Of A Successful No Contact

If you take one thing from this article it should be the following quote,

Ignoring them isn’t what matters, moving on from them is

As stated above, most people get seduced by the “get rich quick” aspect of a no contact rule. They think all they need to do is ignore them.

But what I’ve consistently found from interviewing success stories is that ignoring them is overrated.

Yes, it works on a superficial level.

But what really matters more than anything. What makes a no contact “work” is your ability to get to a place emotionally where you don’t want them back anymore.

Where you’d be completely fine if you never got back together again.

But no one ever talks about that.

And I understand why. Most of the time the people willing to spend money in the breakup industry aren’t the people who want to “get over an ex” but the people who will do anything to get their ex back.

The irony is that what’s really prescribed to give you the best chance of success is engaging in a set of behaviors to where you are actually knocking your ex off the pedestal.

Getting to this place where you actually don’t want them back anymore. Where you are moving on.

That’s the secret no one in this industry wants to tell you.

But what I’ve found is that if you are up front and honest with individuals about what’s really working they tend to respect you more and you gain trust with them which in turn leads to them actually spending money.

That’s the way to do business.

Someone once told me that your effectiveness and ability to solve a problem will often correlate to how much money you will make.

Well, I’m telling you that if you want to give yourself the best chance of a no contact being successful you need to ditch the idea of it being this be all, end all tactic.