Most of the stories out there you hear about cheating revolve around men cheating on women but did you know that in many cases just as many women cheat on men as men cheat on women.
This holds true to our guest today, Brianna.
Brianna cheated on her boyfriend and in this episode I help lead her down the path to redemption.
Check it out,
For those of you who read the show notes here is a quick rundown of Brianna’s situation.
What We Are Dealing With Here
- Brianna dated her ex for two years.
- She admits she could have been a better girlfriend to him.
- She cheated on him and wants him back.
- She tried no contact and only lasted 2 weeks.
- She has hooked up with him since then.
- Feels she needs to regain his trust.
What I Cover In This Episode
- What happens to a man when he is cheated on by a girl
- Expecting him to be paranoid
- You will have to go above and beyond to get a man back who you cheated on
- It can takes a long time for him to forgive you
- The importance of re-assurance and proving your innocence if you get him back
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
Screenshot of the women who cheated on her ex and got him to propose to her,
What do you say we get down to the game plan for how to get an ex boyfriend back if you cheated on him?
How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Cheated On Him (The Game Plan)
The No Contact Rule
As I explained in the episode.
You can’t expect an ex boyfriend to want to take you back immediately after a break in which he found out you cheated on him.
He needs more time to settle down emotionally.
Well, the no contact rule perfectly gives him this time and allows him to miss you.
Brianna, you have to last longer than two weeks.
No Men
In this episode I explained the idea of paranoia and how paranoid some men can be after their exes cheated on them.
The last thing you want to do is give your boyfriend any ammunition that could potentially make him dislike you anymore so make sure you don’t flirt with any guys. Don’t go on Facebook and like a “hot guys” post.
Got it?
No flirting!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizCut Ties
You need to make sure that you cut ties with the person who you cheated on your ex boyfriend with.
And when I say cut ties with him I mean in every form imaginable.
You need to erase him from your life entirely.
Defriend him on Facebook…
Block him from your phone…
Never talk to him again…
Is it extreme?
Yes.
Does it have to happen for you to have a shot at winning your boyfriend back?
Absolutely!
Reassurance
Lets say that you get your ex boyfriend back.
Well, if you cheated on him then you are going to have to constantly reassure him that it was a one time thing that will never happen again.
Be Willing To Prove Your Innocence
I explain this much better in the episode but basically if there is ever a situation where your ex boyfriend accuses you of cheating in your current relationship you need to be willing to prove your innocence to him.
Hand over your phone.
Show him your Facebook account.
Prove to him that you are innocent and you are his and his alone.
Remember, he is paranoid.
Podcast Transcript
Welcome to Episode 20 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Wow, we have made 20 episodes of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. We’re almost legal drinking age. That’s pretty cool.
Today we’re going to talk about a situation that, quite frankly, I’m shocked that I haven’t covered. I guess I have to wait for the voicemails from all of you before I can cover certain situations. This particular situation is how to get your ex-boyfriend back if you’ve cheated on him.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWe’ve already talked about what to do if your ex-boyfriend cheated on you in one of the episodes. Today we’re going to flip the script a little bit and talk about what you need to do if you cheated on your ex-boyfriend and a breakup resulted.
Let’s hear from Brianna, who is today’s featured guest. Unfortunately, she’s been having a pretty rough time post breakup:
“Hi, Chris. My name is Brianna. I dated my boyfriend for two years. I wasn’t the best girlfriend. I would criticize for him. I didn’t respect him the way he deserved. I broke up with him several times and I even cheated on him once. He was a great boyfriend. We broke up.
Seven months later, I called him and asked him to meet up. We began hooking up. After that, he broke up with me because he said he was confused about me. I tried no contact for two weeks and caved by sending him an “I miss you” message. We saw each other last week but it was really weird. Friendly, but weird. I have really changed but I think he doesn’t trust me at all. I really don’t blame him. Please help me out.”
I’ll do my best, Brianna. I have to say, out of all the situations, this is probably the hardest to recover from. Most men won’t take their ex-girlfriends back if they’ve cheated on them. However, that’s not to say that it’s impossible. In fact, I’ve helped a lot of women get their exes back who have cheated on their exes and admitted that they made a mistake.
My crowning achievement is a woman who contacted me a few months ago. She told me that I helped her get her ex back after she cheated on him. Her ex not only came back to her but proposed to her. In the show notes, I will take a screen shot of the email that she sent me to give you motivation and help you understand that this is not an impossible situation to recover from.
Nevertheless, it’s going to be hard. Personally speaking, I’m loyal. I’m probably one of the most loyal people out there. Cheating is the number one no-no on my list. I’m not sure I could take anyone back for cheating on me. However, Brianna, I’m going to approach this like you were trying to get me back and what you would have to do to get me back.
Cheating is the worst thing that you can do to someone in a relationship. If you can get me back after you cheated on me then you can get anyone back. I am as tough as they come when it comes to this topic. I would not take anyone back. But if you were to attempt to get me back, I would approach it the way I’m going to teach you here.
First, let me give you some general knowledge about men who have been cheated on and what goes through their minds. Men who have been cheated on are scarred. They’re scared that it’s going to happen to them in the next relationship. They’re scared in their current relationship if they’ve been cheated on. It’s not good.
I know multiple people in my life who have been cheated on who are so scarred and messed up that they haven’t dated since. It has quite an effect on men. You should never take this for granted. In your voicemail, you mentioned cheating in a small portion. But I think that’s the reason why you’re not going to get your ex-boyfriend back, until you overcome this headwind that he will have because you cheated.
In addition to the headwind of you cheating, you’re going to have to go out of your way to get him back. You’re going to have to go above and beyond if you want him to trust you again. To me, that’s what a lot of this is about. You cheated on him. He doesn’t have any trust in you.
You have to find a way to earn that trust back. It could take years sometimes. That’s not to say that it will take years to get him back, but it could take years before he’ll trust you again. You have to work like a dog every single day to get that trust back. You have to go above and beyond. It’s as simple as that.
There is a bit of good news, Brianna. Your ex-boyfriend clearly still does have feelings for you. He clearly does. He wouldn’t have hooked up with you if he didn’t in this case. In some cases, some guys take advantage of friends with benefits. In this case, this guy legitimately has feelings for you. He mentioned that he’s confused. I think that’s a result of him not trusting you.
Now I’m going to give you a game plan. I’m going to treat this game plan like you cheated on me and you’re trying to get me back. I have the highest standards when it comes to this. If you cheated on me, you’re bad. I probably wouldn’t take you back. This is the approach that I would recommend if you’re trying to get an ex-boyfriend back who thinks like me.
There are five steps to this game plan, Brianna. Step one is no contact. You mentioned that you tried no contact before but you only lasted two weeks, which is pathetic. You can do better than that. You should push yourself to do better than that, Brianna. You’re capable of lasting longer than that. No contact is essential, especially when it comes to someone you cheated on.
I’m going to tell you why. After you’ve cheated on him, your ex-boyfriend is going to get angry. That goes with the territory. If you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back when he’s in an angry mindset, you’re not going to get him back. It’s all about timing. Time cures all. Time will heal.
Time will get your ex-boyfriend back to a level where he might be open to the idea. He might think about taking you back. Time has to pass. In many cases, it’s going to be more time than the no contact rule. I would recommend the 30 day no contact rule because it allows time to pass. It allows him to level out emotionally.
After that period, you can work to overcome some of that cheating headwind. It gives you time to earn back his trust. As a result, you can expedite the process of him potentially taking you back. It’s pretty simple so far. Do the no contact rule. You lasted two weeks. You need to last longer. You need to last four weeks. You need to start over from the beginning because you failed. It’s as simple as that.
Step two is a little bit more challenging. You have to cut all men out of your life entirely. You can’t go on dates. You can’t even flirt. I know that’s extreme. But like I said, you have to go above and beyond if you really want this guy back.
You need to decide beforehand if you want him back and if this is worth it. The game plan I’m going to give you, Brianna, is extreme. But it can work if you follow it. The catch is, it’s extreme. You basically treat all other men like they’re the plague. Your ex-boyfriend is already going to be paranoid. If he sees you on Facebook, flirting with some guy or liking his pictures, he’s going to think, “Cheater.” You don’t want to be branded a cheater, even though you cheated on him. You need to work to shed his idea of you. Don’t give him any ammunition at all.
A lot of times, I say to use jealous tactics. Those are for the women who didn’t cheat on their ex-boyfriends. A woman who did cheat on her ex-boyfriend is going to have to do something a little bit different. You can’t use jealousy tactics. It could backfire. Like I’ve explained, men are paranoid when they’ve been cheated on. Don’t give him any reason to throw you away and move on from you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizStep one is no contact. Step two is no men at all. You can’t talk to any men at all. If you work with a guy, you’ll obviously be forced to. I mean in your free time and on Facebook. Don’t like any other guy’s pictures. You can’t give your ex any ammunition, especially in a fragile time like this.
Here is step three. You cheated on him. That means that there is another guy in the picture. This other guy needs to be cut out of your life completely. I mean completely. You erase his number. You block him. You never talk to him again. He’s dead to you. Understand that.
Too many women say, “I want my ex-boyfriend back.” But then when it comes down to it and they’re still friends with the guy that they cheated on their ex with, that’s going to cause massive potential problems. If I were your ex and that happened to me, I would say, “What the heck is going on? Why are you still friends with him? You better not be friends with him.”
I’d be paranoid. I’d think, “They’re still boinking like bunnies.” That’s not cool. You need to cut the other person that you cheated on your ex with out of your life completely. You have to block him on Facebook and unfriend him. You need to stop any means of communication.
Step one is no contact. Step two is that you can’t flirt with any men. Step three is to cut the person that you cheated on your ex with out of your life.
Step four is where it gets a little more interesting. You need to constantly reassure him that you’re his. This is going to sound really weird but men like to feel like they own women. That’s sexist, I understand. This is the mind of a man. This is a subconscious thought in their mind.
Let me explain it. They like to feel like they won something and that it’s theirs, so to speak. When another man comes and takes what’s theirs, they get paranoid. It’s like stealing. You need to constantly reassure your boyfriend that you are his and his completely. Everyone else is dead to you. You only have eyes for him. I don’t know how else to put it. You need to constantly reassure him. Don’t reassure him all the time every day, but do it once or twice a day. Let him know through your actions and words that you are his completely and you don’t have eyes for anyone else. He will feel, “I’m hers. I have her. She’s mine.”
I know it’s weird, but men like to own things. They like to own the relationship. Give him that power. No man ever owns you. I don’t ever mean it like that. It’s more of a feeling of, “I’m hers and she’s mine.” They’re protective over their toys. It’s like a toddler. If you take a toy away from him, he’s going to cry. Constantly reassure the toddler that the toy is his. I’m not comparing you to a toy. A man has to feel that you’re his.
Step one is no contact. Step two is not flirting with men at all. Step three is to cut the other person out of your life completely. Step four is to constantly reassure him that you are his.
Step five is to be willing to prove your innocence. I guarantee you that this is going to happen. Let’s say that everything works out perfectly for you, Brianna. You get your ex-boyfriend back. Everything is happy. He hasn’t brought up the cheating in a long time. He’s starting to trust you a little bit more.
You’re sitting on the couch one day and your girlfriend texts you. She says, “Hey, let’s go out. Let’s have some fun.” You text back, “Yes, let’s do that. I’ll ask my boyfriend.” You ask your boyfriend and he becomes cold with you. Number one, he’s paranoid about you cheating on him. Number two, he’s also wondering whether or not you’re actually talking to your girlfriend or if you’re talking to some guy.
Be willing to show him the actual text messages. You can say, “I want to show you where I’m going at all times. I want you to trust me.” Be willing to prove your innocence. Too many women, especially ones who have cheated on their exes, think it’s a breach of privacy to show their boyfriends their text or Facebook messages.
I’m not saying that you have to give him your password. If he has a question, be willing to prove to him that nothing is going on and you are his completely. Be willing to prove your innocence. You will get accused. You will get angry when you get accused. That just goes with the territory.
If you do get accused, don’t take it too personally. Again, he’s paranoid. He doesn’t have a lot of trust in you. You have to work to earn that trust back. Be willing to do that by proving your innocence. Show him, “Nothing is going on. This is exactly what I say it is. I’m not going to lie to you.” Be willing to pull up your Facebook messages.
You can say, “This guy Facebook messaged me and wants to go out with me. I wanted to let you know because I want you to trust me. I want you to understand that nothing is going on. I’m not responding to anything like that.” Some women may think that’s a little crazy. I think it is a little bit, but when it comes to getting an ex back who you cheated on, assume that he is extra paranoid about everything you do. Be willing to prove your innocence to cure his fears.
There are a lot of steps and hoops that you have to jump through to get your ex-boyfriend back if you cheated on him. You have to be willing to put in the time and work. That is the game plan. That is how I would approach it if I were trying to get me back.
That’s it for Episode 20. Tomorrow is Episode 21. I’m excited to see you then. If you want to ask me another question, Brianna, please feel free to follow up. I love hearing back from past guests. Episode 19 was about that. A woman named Shannon got her ex-boyfriend back.
I hope you enjoyed this episode, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery listeners. Please go to iTunes and subscribe to the show. Leave a review. An honest review is all I ask. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening.
Verona
January 23, 2021 at 9:19 pm
I’m so happy that I have reached out to your articles it’s very helpful I did cheat on my baby daddy too but he keeps breaking up with me saying he isn’t over it,I would usually get frastrated when I’m drunk and yell at him for being jelous/ but never in my sober mind set will I behave in such a way,so he ended things on 10th of Jan 2021,I have been on the no contact rule for few days il follow thru and see what happens cause I really still love him and want him back
Nicole
November 15, 2018 at 6:41 am
Hi, so I cheated on him.. I hid it for a week or two, then I went ahead and confessed and he broke up with me and was very angry. His ex cheated on him too, but she never told him why and she did it continuously, so he already has prior hurts and trust issues that I now made worse.
Anyways, we went about a month without talking and I liked a few of his Instagram post and decided to reach out because I still have his shirt and I was asking if I could bring it back to him or what he wanted me to do with it and he said idc and blocked me from every social media account. I ended up contacting his sister 1week later, which was a couple of days ago, asking for advice on what to do, and she reminded me he is a private person and might just need some space.. however I guess she told him I reached out and he messaged me (2 days ago) telling me to please leave him and his family alone. I used that time to say I fucked up and I want to fix it and earn your trust back and that I’m sorry, but he reiterated please don’t contact me this is what I want, so I told him I will respect your boundaries and he said thank you.
I am just surprised that after about one month or so of NC after the initial breakup, he still isn’t ready to speak with me.. so that hurt, but I am relieved that I had now left things off where I tried to show I care and am willing to do whatever it takes to work things out. So, I am deciding to do the NC because it will show him I am respecting his decision to have space and heal, but I am worried if 30 days is going to be too short now? Because we had already not talked for around this time and it wasn’t long enough time to recover.. his birthday is next week which sucks, like the timing is just bad, but I figured it will look better if I don’t reach out because it will show I am disrespecting his wishes and a week is too soon to start contact again. I don’t want him to think I don’t care or forgot his birthday, but he did tell me to please stop so I think NC is a good decision.
I already decided to switch all my social media accounts to private, so that he won’t be able to see what I’m doing in hopes that it brings mystery and causes him to wonder how I’m doing and urge him to reach out and ask me himself since he won’t be able to see it online .. I did not block him, so he is able to unblock me and friend/follow me if he chooses although I’d rather him directly want to ask me what’s new, so that I can connect with him again.
My concern is that he is a reserved, insecure person and I am scared that he will think that I don’t want him back, or he will think I moved on or forgot about him so he may not reach out after NC.. this is part of the reason why I wanted to put in effort to try and show him that I’m sorry, I care, and I want to work things out and find a way to earn his trust back, but he said he didn’t want to talk to me.. so I have to respect that. He is used to me begging and complaining, but I really hurt him and he didn’t deserve it. I need him to see that I have changed and matured.
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to wait for him to contact me and say he is ready or willing to have a conversation and hopefully work things out? What if he never does? What if he just decides to move on from me.. am I supposed to contact him still in this scenario? Should I be waiting 30 days still or maybe longer? I am really confused and feel like my situation is a bit unique since a month already went by and I made a small effort to talk and he still wasn’t ready.. I haven’t come across any blogs about that, especially related to if I cheated. Apart of me feels he might because he was cordial in texting me he didn’t just say f you and I’m surprised my number was unblocked, idk if it was ever blocked, but he kept it unblocked for that at least. I feel like I had to screw up and loose him to realize he is the one I want to be with and that I am really ready to fully commit and not give any other guys attention.
Please let me know how long I should pursue NC with him and if I should reach out after x amount of time or if there is x amount of time I should wait for him to contact me 🙁
Sharon
March 10, 2018 at 4:19 pm
Hi I have read about this..I broke up with my bf on 3 rd after he found out Feb calla with my first ex..he went on to read last year’s September messages before we actually started dating. N became furious that I was cheating. On Monday fifth however he called n I explained how I was sorry for picking calls..forgave me but was reluctant to come back to the relationship saying he thinks the breakup SMS he wrote would haunt me..yesterday Ihoqever texted him he may let me know the time he will comfortable si as we talk..he didn’t reply but went out viewing my WhatsApp status..so help can I get him back
Elle
November 13, 2017 at 9:11 am
Dear Chris, can you help me . I fooled around with a girl and my boyfriend saw the whole thing. It was a drunken night . I mistakenly thought he’d like it. Especially since we did talk about it. I’ve never done anything like that before. I am not a lesbian nor am I bisexual. It was a horrible thing to do. He was so hurt over it . I just hate what i did. I’ve never done anything bad in my life. I still can’t believe this happened. I want to get back together with him. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met but he says his feelings for me have changed. It’s been months since the incident and I’ve tried to prove he can trust me by not being with anyone at all. I told him he could do what he wanted but i remained faithful even though we’re not together. He wants to stay friends but i can’t do that, i want more. I don’t know what to do to repair the damage. I want him back.
I told him nothing like that would ever happen again. I apologized profusely. I don’t know what else to do. Its been 9 months since the incident and I don’t know what else to do . I finally just had to let go and try to move on but all i can think about is him. Is it even possible to get him back in this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 17, 2017 at 7:41 pm
HI Elle,
there’s still a chance, do you want to try the advice above?
annah
May 14, 2017 at 3:08 pm
hey there amor/chris.
i have asked him if we could speak again. he said no. i apologised and let him know i cared about him but would respect his wishes and stop texting him.
after i do the no contact, who reaches out to who? i really dont feel like texting him after NC as hes strictly told me not to message him
please reply as your article does not state who should contact who after NC.
he’s really angry so im going to do NC for a few months
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 14, 2017 at 4:59 pm
you can initiate after nc.. but why did you comment here? he cheated?
JT
March 25, 2017 at 11:43 pm
My ex cheated on me and I was so silly when I decided to cheat on him as a revenge. But after he found out, he was unable to move on from it. He agreed to forgive and forget and for 3 months we were living together alright but few weeks ago, he started acting weird and then after forcing him to talk, he told me he can’t move on from what I did, he said men are not built to be forgiving like women, when it comes to forgiving cheating partner. He also said that he is no longer attracted to me and there is no more chemistry. We still live together now but in separate room because I just moved across countries to be here with him few months ago and do not have anyone here. I still love him but he acted like he just want to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 26, 2017 at 3:16 pm
Hi Jt,
aside from the advice above, try this one too:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
codi
March 22, 2017 at 10:13 pm
Hi Chris
I cheated on my bf last year but broke up on the 20th of Feb this year his saying he can’t trust me and he doesnt want to be in a relationship, since then it’s been on and off me trying to beg him and do no contact. I tried begging him today again and he rufused instead gave me a booty call offer i blocked him stryt afterwards , he is saying he saw me standing outside some car, not dating it’s been a month now and his not sleeping around, could it be that his really trying hard to get over me?? Do I have a chance???
Codi
June 26, 2017 at 5:57 am
Hey Amor
Me and my ex-bf spoke and spoke about everything from the cheating to everything and we decided to get back together again yeppiii!!!!! Thank you I wouldn’t have been able to do it without You….my only problem is where to from now? How do I keep like how do i avoid fights or bring up things from the past …like how do i keep us together…I feel like I should ask you how do i date? BUT THANK YOU AND TO CHRIS!!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2017 at 6:48 am
Wow! Congrats! Check this one:
Keeping Him Once You Get Him Back
Codi
June 15, 2017 at 11:40 pm
Hey Amor
I’ve initiated communication on the phone we are chatting it actually went well, for someone who didn’t even want to look at me our chats are going great and smooth if I chat to him he doesnt take time to respond, there was a movie we were debating about, about who told who to watch it so I told him to watch it bcz I gave it a 13/10 which i over rated and he knows how much I’m not a movie fan so he was like it’s really great if out of all people I’m giving it such a rate….so I told him I was taking a nap nd he was like I should study nd I was like later nd said “you care” and he said always will..anyways I’m trying to run down some cool memory lane vibes …but now im afraid of us being friends like getting to comfortable to a point he might friendzone me how do i initiate the meet up without him thinking I’m “still” into him? Or move into the relatationship talk? I was shocked he notced I was missing certain classes he asked me where I was all of those days? Anyways Amor how do i avoid being friendzoned from here onwards or do you think he just cares in a friendly basis that’s why his being nice to me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2017 at 6:52 pm
just remember to always be the one to end the conversation at high point and to not stop improving yourself, having your own life and being active in posting..
Codi
June 3, 2017 at 11:06 pm
Hey Amor it’s been some time in some with my 2months of no contacted I blocked him on Facebook and whatsup so I havnt spoken to him since 22nd March and I’ve improved myself in such a way I’m kinda ready for a win/lose I’ve accepted that he dumped me and that pain is at ease but I don’t want to lie I still love him, I’m afraid to talk to him because he can’t even look at me in the eyes like literary when I’m around him hence we have the same circle of friends nd we in the same lectures he just looks down or doesn’t give me any attention…so now I’m affraid to talk to him hence I blocked him he unfriended me too on Facebook? Wat now please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 5, 2017 at 8:48 pm
you have to try.. that’s the first step.. either a casual hello when you bump into each other, or send a text..
Codi
April 8, 2017 at 7:23 pm
Hi Amor
I’m on my 18 days of no contact I went to the lake and he was there I was with one of my friends which she smokes weed he saw me there and when he looked at me and as I turned he moved his face from looking at me it’s as if he hates me.. nd he thinks I was smoking too bcz one of my friends that’s his mutual friend ,was there asked me if I was smoking well he empliad that I was nd my ex hates that but I was not..anyways should i continue with… NC? Or restart?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 6:13 pm
just continue on with nc.. and avoid hanging out with people who smoke because it would really be easy to judge that you are doing what they’re doing too
Codi
March 30, 2017 at 9:45 pm
Hi Amor
Does the yes mean I should continue with no contact? And if so should i cut down comminicating with the mutual friend above my feelings? How do I get my respect back from my ex, like he offered a booty call on me and said I was obsessed with him, hence I blocked him. Straight afterwards.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2017 at 6:35 pm
it means you need to restart the count of at least 30 days..dont talk to your mutual friend about feeling ever.
if you must, say you’re moving on..
that’s it.. say no to a booty call.. since you blocked him, make your posts public..
Codi
March 30, 2017 at 1:51 pm
Hi Amor
Sorry to be a nerve should i just continue with no contact becz a mutual friend of ours his and mine said I should just move on becz he has….should I continue with no contact and improving myself or should I just do as my friend says ,move on becz they have been really close lately ?? I do really love the guy.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 30, 2017 at 7:36 pm
If you talked to your friend about your feelings, and she talks to him too, yes, restart nc.. because she’s probably relaying that to him…
Codi
March 29, 2017 at 1:52 pm
Hi Amor
Well I havnt ,he wants me to stop drinking , stay indoors and cutt out communication with all guys he says I’m flirtatious to other men… I’ve started a full no contact since then we in the same lectures so I’m confused how do i cut down communication with male when I’m doing engineering and it’s mostly men in my lectures so I Have to speak to the other students..so how do i go about? It’s been a month now since we broke up so I have a chance of I continue with no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 29, 2017 at 3:26 pm
Just don’t post pictures that you’re going out on dates with them. It would be unreasonable to stop talking to men totally.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 25, 2017 at 4:33 pm
Hi Codi,
yes, he could but the more important question is if you changed or at least started to improve in the past month?
Cee
March 1, 2017 at 3:32 pm
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over 3 years. We broke up for about 2 months because we were fighting too much but ended up getting back together. We have been doing great, basically living together planning for the future. About 2 weeks ago I went out with my friends and my bf didn’t want to come. We saw my old guy friend there who was with his gf. Later on that night after I left the bar my guy friend texted me asking me to hookup. I was with my boyfriend who picked me up from the bar and saw that text. We didn’t talk for 2 days but he believed me when i said nothing had happened to my knowledge. About a week later of things being normal my bf freaked out because my guy friends gf claims me and my guy friend were kissing at the bar. None of my friends nor myself recall this happening and I have never been the type of person to do something like this especially to my bf who I am very in love with. However my boyfriend doesn’t believe me and only believes this girl, so he blocked my number and told me to never talk to him again. He said he is very hurt and will always love me but can’t be with me ever again. I don’t want to lose him forever. I am doing NC since I have no form of contact anyways, but what chance do you think I have at fixing this and how would I do that if he doesn’t want to talk?
Cee
March 2, 2017 at 12:59 pm
But how am I supposed to get to step 4 and reassure him that I am his if he doesn’t want to talk to me? And has my number and Instagram blocked?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2017 at 12:06 am
all the more reason that you should focus in improving yourself. If he blocked you because he doesn’t want to talk to you, then chasing will annoy him more.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 1, 2017 at 9:07 pm
Hi Cee,
Nope, he’s that’s probably because of high emotions. It would be better if you follow the advice above.
Neeta
January 21, 2017 at 6:19 am
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I are taking a break for 6 months from yesterday after I cheated on him three months back. I was so drunk that day and really didn’t know what I was doing (it was just kissing), but still I know its cheating and it was just one night. I broke contacts with that person soon completely. I lied to my boyfriend that nothing happened but he loved me so much and I was deeply regretting the incident every moment. Few of our friends came to know about it because the other guy told them and I was afraid my boyfriend might also come to know about it. I told him everything then and he’s going all crazy. I hurt him badly, its not just cheating but also lying to him these three months. He tried to break up with me but I want him badly. I love him so much, I cant believe that i even tried to end my life. I want us back because we were so perfect together. I dint know what to do and I apologized to him like thousand times. He said he doesn’t want to talk to me and that I have become a really bad person. He told me he thinks i’ll go out with random guys and do things without telling him even if we get back together. But after I pestered him so much he’ll listen and try to understand me after six months, till then he didn’t want to even chat with me. He said even if we get back together he can’t ever love me like before.I’m ready to take the break, but i don’t know whether this will do any good or if I’ll get him back again. I have put my complete hope in this six months to prove to him that i wont ever make a mistake again and will love him with whole heart forever. I wanted to know the chances of him coming back and us getting back together like before.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 22, 2017 at 4:35 pm
Hi Neeta,
he probably said that our of frustration.. and he probably doesnt expect you to stick to it and improve.. So, do that..
Zoe
September 12, 2016 at 2:28 pm
I just have a quick question, should I tell my ex that I will be implementing the no contact rule? Or just do it out of the blue? Do you have any advice for keeping on track with the no contact rule? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 1:24 pm
Hi zoe,
it deoends first on what your situation is?
Faith
April 13, 2016 at 11:19 pm
Hi Chris,
In my case we were together for 8 years and we were perfect together. But 5 months ago I cheated on him and he found out, he end the relationship right away.
He is like you when the subject is cheating, he is loyal and respectful.
I just found out your website, so until now I did everything you say not to do after the break up. I didn’t gave him space and talked, explained a lot, give him gifts, texting and calling, I even planned weekends for us..
At first I was rejected and attacked (in the first 2 months) but then he said he wanted to be with me in the future and wanted to try to “heal together”, to be with me but not be my boyfriend and I went for it because I saw it as a sign for hope. But after a while started the paranoid fase, and he was always talking that we was always thinking about what I have done and details, we were sad all the time, sometimes even in silence for hours together.
After this we decide to not see each other for a while, so he would accept and deal with the cheating. He still says that knows what he wants and its a future with me, but I think I need to do something so i search and found out you.
PS: No one knows what happened between us, and some mutual friend don’t even know we break up – He’s idea !!
PS: In a month or two we will be working together.
The No Contact Rule and the steps you said before still work in my case ? And if yes, they work in the same way ? 30 days ?
Thank you !!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 11:06 am
Hi Faith,
we can’t guarantee 100% that nc will bring him but it’s only option you have right now.. it can help increase the chance..make the most out of it for you and to heal..be active and set him aside for 30 days
Me
February 27, 2016 at 12:59 pm
Hi! I am not sure mine is the worst case you have ever heard of, but I am sure it will come close. There is an aspect to this whole story that I think I should make clear before aaaaall else: I have found my soulmate. I knew from the moment I saw him, and even he (who doesnt particularly believe in these things) said that talking to me for the first time felt like as if we were just continuing a conversation that started way before (it didnt, we met there for the first time). It was rough, for many reasons: this was a long-distance relationship. We only got together a year after we met. Then we dated for two and a half years (they were rough, but magical), and I cheated on him (a year ago from today), and I was just, a terrible person for a long time. Well, firstly, I told him immeditely (and even though it was only a kiss, I think it was as bad as it could be), and he did not want to break up with me. But I did. It was terrible on him. I started dating the other guy, he was a very interesting guy, and that was also pretty complicated because he had been in a similar situation with his first love (except he was the one that was cheated on and that broken up with), so he was a big help for me to deal with. But of corse, I wasnt the one who had the most to deal with. So then began the rough months, where I was just out of control. I never stopped loving my ex, and I think he did know that, but it was very, very hard on him to see me (well he didnt “see” me see me, but you know..) with someone else, he kept calling and texting me for about three months, threatened me to kill himself, it was awful, I was constantly trying to make things easier for him but losing patience often, I still missed him, big time, but he was impossible to be around. Than, after three months, he said we need to not talk to each other for a month, so he could calm down, and he started dating someone else (well I know that he started talking with her earlier, a few weeks after the break-up), and now they had been together for like nine months.. and when that happened, I was really happy at first. The angry period was over, he changed, he became stable again, he seemed great. The problem was, that he was all of a sudden the guy I fell in love with in the first place. So then came MY months of desperation, with the calling and crying (mine period was a month or two longer, but much less intense, so basically it was very similar). I have always loved him, but I was a selfish monster since the break-up: throughout his and mine desperation period as well. Now I dont know what to do. A mutual friend of mine says that he is pretty sure they are going to break up soon, and even though I am not even that sure I want to be back with him again, I am certain, that he is my soulmate. Wow, after telling my story, I dont even know what my question is 🙂 I wanted to ask if I had a chance, but that depends on so many things… I know this is a long run. But I know that he loves me. AND I also know that he would definitely be better off with that other girl. Sometime around his no-contact month, like a few days before it started, he told me some things about how he is a roller-coaster, and that we are each others roller-coasters, and that even if my new boyfriend doesnt make me as unhappy as he could from time to time, but he woulndt make me as happy either. So basically he said (and he was of corse right), that he knows his downs were very down, but his ups were also very up. So I think that is was he is aiming for now. A safer relationship. He would be much happier with me, but he would also be much unhappier. Well I guess I just, after reading loads of your articles on the site, thought that you have a very good insight into relationships, and this has been an ongoing battle in my soul for some time now, so… it would be nice to hear a new perspective. What are your thoughts on the situation? Thank you for reading this!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2016 at 7:40 am
Hi,
You missed him and he got better with the new one or got back to the person you used to love, but right now you can only see his good side. You’re not seeing their problems.. The right thing to do is either to love your current boyfriend or break up with him if you reall don’t love him and learn to love yourself first…
Believe it or not, we love a lot of soul mates.. and if you do what you love, you’ll find them in the places you do it.. If he really loves you, he should leave her and work it out if you.. If he tries that.. talk first..make things clear so that you don’t end up as a backup plan..
Stephanie Johnson
June 8, 2015 at 4:59 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and I were together for almost three years before we broke up. The reason he broke up with me was because I cheated on him. He is in Virginia in the Navy and Im in Florida at school. I told him that I cheated on him in September and we tried to work it out and it seemed like we were stronger than ever. We got into an argument recently and he told me that he did not want to be with me right now because he did not want to hurt me him like I did. We hadnt spoken for a few days and he contacted me saying how much he loves me. I’ve been trying to do the NC rule but he constantly text my phone saying how much he is going crazy without me but he knows he needs his time so that he wont hurt me in the long run. He even told me that he still wants to marry me and sees a future. I guess I just wanna know is, that there is hope? Im scared that I might be holding on to false promises. Should I give him his space and ignore him? How do I know he is not going to move on and forget about me?
T
May 13, 2015 at 5:40 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend recently broke up with me after I cheated on him. During the breakup conversation, I made it known that I regretted my mistake and that it would never happen again. I let him know that I have always loved him, and my actions were a result of some kind of lacking within myself. He does not seem like he will be ready to forgive me anytime soon. Anyways, my question is, how is one supposed to proceed with steps 4 and 5 (Reassurance and Prove Innocence) if they are not with the person? If you are broken up, how can you do these things? I am filled with loss and just so confused. This was the biggest mistake I have ever made, and all I want is for this person to be back in my life. Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated. Thank you.
Chris Seiter
May 14, 2015 at 3:45 pm
You probably have to do it when you are in a re-attraction phase.
Leah
April 14, 2015 at 2:28 pm
Hi Chris,
My situation is a little bit different. I was unhappy in the relationship mainly because my ex was not having sex with me anymore. I started hanging out with this guy while still dating my now ex, and ended up eventually leaving my ex because I was unhappy, not for the other guy. However, I ended up sleeping with the other guy a few weeks after getting out of the relationship because I was lonely, but my ex sees it as me basically cheating when we’ve talked about it, even though I told him I realized I had made a mistake the second I slept with him. I don’t know what category I fit into so I don’t know how to apply the Recovery Pro system that I bought and have read 5 times to this situation. He’s seeing another girl now, but says he still wants to be friends because he thinks we get along insanely well as a male/female relationship, but also says he doesn’t feel as if he has any romantic feelings for me anymore. We also figured out the reason why we weren’t having sex anymore, which leads me to believe our problems could really be fixed, so I know I want him back. Please help! 🙁
A
April 7, 2015 at 10:05 am
If this is the case, what comes first, “reassurance” or being the “ungettable girl”?
Sweetz
April 3, 2015 at 2:20 pm
Hi Admin,
I have not cheated my bf. But I tried to.I have gone through 3 long distance relationships before I was linked with my bf. All these long distance relationship included s*xy skypes (not in deep). When I got into contact with my bf6 months back. I was in love with a guy who is in Chicago. I was used to get into contact with the chicago guy whenever my boyfriend used to hurt me. My bf and chicago guy came to my home town in a month difference. Chicago guy came first. He wanted to meet me at first. He forced me. I did not wanted to meet me. Later chicago guy somehow changed my mind and and I agreed. So we were chatting. One day my bf caught me asking whom I am chatting with. I told none.
Then my bf asked me again if I am stabbing his back. I said no . He asked about my bfs. Then I shared with him about all my ex boy friends. He was fine with it after quarrell. But did not tell him deep stories of skype calls and about chicago guy plan.
Why I planned with Chicago guy:- At first I was not happy with my bf. Seocndly, I did not feel that we were committed as we were not even engaged and we were yet to see each other. So we planned. But chicago guy dropped plan saying I am going to get enagaged to him. I was angry on him. Again he called to meet me. But I did not go.
Later my bf came home town. We met. We quarelled often for some or other thing as usual. I cried and he got back again. Our parents met. Everything was almost fine until he saw a message in my mobile when we were checking for a notepad in my mobile. I was caught and I snatched mobile to delete it. He was upset and angry. And he told me that he is fine with girl if she even had sex. I told him everything about all ex guys, chicago guy plan, skype calls. i told everything. He did not tell anything that moment. He dropped me to home. But late night he messaged me he cannot marry me. We met next day again. I cried and cried and tried to convince him. Nothing helped. Next day, I spoke to my ex bf telling him this . He helped me telling I should not have told my bf everything. So I twisted story telling my bf I lied to see his reaction as he told me he is fine with girl who had sex.
My parents went to his home that day. Everything went fine. He met me that evening..Everything was fine for 2 days. He told me I should not contact any guy unnecassirily. He got me teddy bear and I gave him watch. He left home town.
But story changed when he went back and told me he is not convinced yet. And he is getting head ache. He wasnot replying me properly. I insisted him to tell what happened. He doubted on me again. And told he want to break relation. By that time, I had announced i am in a relation in both FB and whatsapp. I tried to convince him lot. Then I was fed uo and told my dad mom. My parents were fine with it as engagement was postponed. But I was not fine. So called his parents for my rights to marry him. For my shock , he had not informed them yet. but he told me once he informed his parents.
So all this happened 1 month back. Now we both are trying to search partners. I tried to be away from him only 2 to 3 days. I couldnot resist and messaged him again. He responded after few messages asking why I am messaging. I told him I will help in impressing girl as he dont have any girl friends. (I did this few weeks back also suggesting him on how to impress girl. He felt good and he was concerned about me.) Yesterday he showed me chat with a gal whom he may get married. And sent another girl pic asking if she look good.
He still in my whatsapp. I want him to come back. Or I want him to prove I am innocent and virgin still . I want him to feel bad for calling me bitch , slut and I am not clean. Please help
Kay
March 28, 2015 at 5:24 pm
Hi Chris.
I have multiple bad situations here. I was with my ex for 4 years until he had to move 9 and a half hours away for his education 2 years into the relationship. I cheated on him last year (not physically) and he found out via social media in Jan of this year. He also had to leave back for Uni two weeks after he found out. He took me back for one week and broke up with me the next and we’ve been broken up ever since. He loves me. A lot. And he is the one for me. His family and I too are extremely close but they know nothing of the reason behind the break up. Him and spoke every day after the break up and he just wants to be friends now and date other people. He told be specifically that he won’t ever be able to get back with me until he dates someone else and even if he does he won’t magically trust me. Now he’s been friend zoning me and wants to be just friends. I have literally read all you’ve had to say on LDRs and wining trust back and the friend zone.
He still isn’t taking the NC very well at all and actually asked him mum to ask me what’s up. He’s pretty much freaking out.
My question is, say I do carry on my NC. I am so sure that afterwards he will just be bitterr towards me because he has always felt that our relationship was an unfair one. Implementing NC would make it even more unfair? Plus I’m the one who cheated. I am literally still so confused as to what to do at the right time. Please if you could just jot down some pointers in a certain order that I can do and implement so as to win him back without thinking that I’m causing drama and being a total b*tch even after cheating on him. Again being in a LDR right now is making this so difficult. How should I tell him I’m not in contact with the guy cheated on him.
Please tell me how to go about simultaneous cheating,LDR and friend zone issues
Thank you!
Kay
March 28, 2015 at 5:39 pm
So many grammatical errors I’m quite sorry. I also want to add that I started the NC two days back after conversing with him regularly for the past 2 months. Suddenly stopping has made him react rather frantically.
admin
March 29, 2015 at 2:20 pm
No your fine.
(I am the king of grammatical errors)
I think NC is the right way to go.
Briana
March 19, 2015 at 4:35 am
Hi Chris! So basically any pointers for texting after NC is done? Because you said i can’t use The jealous technique…
admin
March 21, 2015 at 3:51 pm
Sure, I recommend reading this,
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/