What’s up Ex Boyfriend Recovery nation?
In episode 29 (this episode) we are going to be talking to Brandiwine, a woman who is wondering how she can get her ex back if he is angry with her.
Check it out,
Like always, here is a quick recap of the situation Brandiwine is facing,
Brandiwine’s Situation
- She was with her boyfriend for 16-17 years (on and off)
- They have hooked up a lot during this time
- Things ended when she said and did things that she admits were uncalled for
- She saw someone to get help to work on her issues
- It’s been a year and a half since the breakup
- She wonders how to approach the situation since her ex is so angry at her
What I Talk About In This Episode
- Astrology! (Hint Hint I am a Taurus)
- What anger does to men.
- Blocking
- When emotions run high logic runs low.
- George Carlin,
- The two ways to stop a man from being angry at you
- The rules of approaching an angry ex boyfriend after a breakup
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizImportant Links Mentioned In This Episode
The Rules Of Dealing With An Angry Ex Boyfriend
Rule 1: Don’t Get Baited Into A Fight
Too often I have seen an ex boyfriend hit the wrong note of an ex girlfriend and a fight occurs because of it. Remember, a breakup is one of the most emotional things that a human being can go through so don’t take what your ex boyfriend says too personally and certainly don’t let him bait you into a fight.
Rule 2: Apologize When The Time Is Right
Brandiwine needs to make sure she apologizes to her ex boyfriend at the right time. In the episode I talk about how apologizing after a breakup is a mistake because an ex boyfriend is not ready to accept an apology.
Instead, it is a better idea to utilize the no contact rule to let enough time go by so he is in a place to be accepting of your apology.
Rule 3: Build The Right Rapport
Explore this site or grab my E-Book. There is a lot of ideas and strategies that I teach around how to build the right type of rapport.
Rule 3 and rule 2 actually go hand in hand because in order for you to apologize to your ex boyfriend properly you have to build enough rapport.
Rule 4: Be Sincere In Your Communication
For those of you who are reading this.
I want you to do me a favor.
Instead of talking to your ex boyfriend like you want him back talk to him like you would anyone else. Talk to him without any extracurricular intentions.
Rule 5: Take Things Slow
This is pretty self explanatory.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizMake sure you take this entire process very slow.
Slow and steady wins the race.
Podcast Transcript
Welcome to Episode 29 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Lately my wife and I have been talking about something pretty interesting. That’s astrology signs. I don’t believe in astrology signs. I don’t think it’s real. But it is interesting to look at the qualities that follow along with each sign.
I’m a Taurus. They are stubborn, loyal, jealous and possessive. They give good advice and they have a temper. We can go down the list for me. I can be stubborn at times but I don’t think I’m that stubborn. I’m open-minded and willing to change if I see something worth changing for. I would say that I’m half and half there. I am very loyal, so that’s true.
I can be a little jealous at times. I don’t think I’m too possessive. I’m sure I can get possessive at times, but who doesn’t? Everyone gets a little possessive here and there. I would say that I’m midrange there. Do I give good advice? You tell me. You’re listening to this podcast for my advice, so I guess that’s true.
When Taurus get really angry and are pushed to the breaking point, they have an anger that’s like a raging bull’s anger. I would say this is definitely the case for me. I don’t get angry very often. I haven’t had that type of anger in years. But when it does happen, I will admit, the bull comes out.
That’s a perfect segue for today’s episode. We’re going to be talking about how to approach an ex-boyfriend if he’s angry with you. We’re going to hear from a woman named Brandywine. Let’s hear from her now:
“Hey, Chris. This is Brandywine. I’ve been in an on-and-off relationship for 16 or 17 long years. We take a break here and there and see other people. But when we’re both single, we will always hook up. Here’s my issue. I completely screwed up this time. I said and did some things that were totally uncalled for. It was out of 16 years of the same old bull and frustration.
Through it all, I managed to get some counseling and found out that I did have some issues going on. I have addressed those and I am in a better place. It’s been a year and a half since I talked to my ex. However, during our last fight, he blocked me from all of his social media pages and changed his phone number.
My question to you is, I know how to get in touch with him through his family, but what can I do to make this situation better, to at least get our friendship back if we don’t get everything that we had back? I completely apologize for my half. I’m not expecting an apology from his half. But I miss my friend. I need some kind of resolution to this feeling that I’m having. It’s awful. It’s miserable. I’ve been going through this for a year and a half. I’m ready to talk to him about how we ended things and let him know where I was coming from with that. Can you please respond? My name is Brandywine. Thanks.”
Hi, Brandywine. Thank you for commenting on the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Wow, 16 or 17 years of an off-an-on relationship is crazy. There are marriages that don’t even last that long. I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through that. That seems like quite the roller coaster ride. I can imagine you’re feeling quite uneasy about this. Let’s see what we can do about giving you more stability today and hopefully getting back on speaking terms with your ex-boyfriend.
Let’s recap your situation. You’ve been in an on-and-off relationship for 16 or 17 years. Whenever you’re both single, you always seem to hook up. You’re always together even when you’re not together. You did and said some things that you think were wrong. You sought help for that. You worked on your own issues. It’s been a year and a half since this breakup occurred. He’s blocked you. You said or did some things that probably made him upset or angry. You’re wondering how to approach the situation with an ex who is this angry at you.
George Carlin said, “Here’s all you need to know about men and women. Women are crazy and men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” I’ve found this to be quite true in my own life. A lot of times, women aren’t as crazy as men make them out to be. The main reason women are crazy is because men do some stupid things.
I would have to say, Brandywine, even though you admitted that you have some issues, if you’re in a relationship for 16 or 17 years without a ring or a deeper commitment, that is bound to make any woman crazy. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I think you got strung along here by your ex-boyfriend. It has made you a little upset and crazy. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s completely normal. Don’t be so hard on yourself for that. That’s my first piece of advice to you.
Let’s focus our attention on your ex and anger. That’s what this episode is all about. This episode is all about how to navigate the situation where you’ve made your ex so angry that he doesn’t want anything to do with you.
What happens when an ex-boyfriend gets overly angry? The first thing that comes to mind is that they will block you. That seems to be what happened in your case. You either did or said something that made him so upset and angry that he blocked you. In his head, he was thinking, “I want nothing to do with her anymore. She’s done with me.”
The good news is the fact that you have been in this on-and-off relationship with him for 16 or 17 years. That is a long time. I don’t think after you’ve been with someone that long that it’s just over completely. I don’t think he can just get over you completely by blocking you. Something always seems to keep him coming back to you for more.
The good news is that I don’t think you’ll stay blocked from him forever. This may just be the down in the roller coaster of love. Hopefully, we can keep the roller coaster going up so you can get some good things happening for you. When an ex gets angry, he will block you.
Another common trait that angry exes have is that they say things that they don’t mean. This is a universal truth. It’s true for me. It’s true for all men. Speaking personally, when someone makes me so angry, I seem to say things that I don’t mean. The last time was a couple of years ago. I definitely said some things that I didn’t mean. Luckily, that was to my father so we patched things up relatively quickly. There is the phrase, when anger runs high, logic runs low. When emotions run high, logic runs low. That’s very true. You always seem to say things you don’t mean when you’re overly angry at someone.
A lot of times, women come to me and say, “My ex-boyfriend said this or that.” I say, “Hey, chill out. He was angry when he said that. He didn’t necessarily mean it.” I was thinking about this in the car the other day. When an ex-boyfriend comes up to you and says, “I never loved you,” that’s not true. He’s just saying that because he knows it will hurt you, because you hurt him.
Let’s say that you had a good relationship. If you go back to the beginning of your relationship when you were in the honeymoon period and you were kissy and lovey, you were saying, “I love you.” He was experiencing love. Maybe five years down the road, he’s saying, “I never loved you.” That’s not true. At one point, he did. His feelings just dipped down a little bit. When people get angry, they say things they don’t mean. That’s a universal trait among humans.
Here is another universal trait. Logic does not work when you’re talking to an angry person. The last time I got into a fight was probably with my wife. Believe it or not, she tried to use logic on me. I just wasn’t having it. Maybe that’s because I’m a Taurus and I’m stubborn. I was sticking to my guns. Eventually, I do see the logical argument, even when I’m wrong. But it takes some time. I have to calm down a little bit.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIf you’re dealing with an angry ex, try not to use logic on him. You need to wait until his emotions calm down. I’ll get to that in a second.
Let’s talk about what you have to do to get an ex to stop being angry at you. I thought about this for a long time. I sat in my chair for 10 minutes, pondering, “What can you do to make an ex-boyfriend stop being angry at you?” There are only two things that I could think of.
Number one is time. Enough time has to go by for him to get over it. This is true with me. It’s true for exes, too. You cannot talk to me when I’m angry. You cannot reason with me. It takes me time, especially if it’s not solved talking-wise. Eventually, I’ll come back and say, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean what I said. I regret this. I feel horrible about it.” That only happens with time.
This is why the no contact rule is such a good idea if you’re trying to get back with someone who is super angry with you. The biggest mistake women make is that they’re super desperate. They try to get their ex back immediately after the breakup. I understand this. I understand the temptation for this.
The problem with that is you are trying to get your ex-boyfriend back at a point in the situation where he is most angry. A breakup is one of the most highly emotional times that a human can go through in a relationship. You are trying to get this person back to you. You are trying to convince this person to come back into your life, to make their life a part of yours at the most highly emotional time.
It doesn’t make any sense. That’s why people continually fail. The no contact rule allows time to go by. You can re-approach the situation at a time when you have a much higher likelihood of getting through to that person. That is just one of the hundreds of reasons that the no contact rule is such a good idea.
Brandywine, it’s been a year and a half since you’ve talked to your ex-boyfriend. You’ve done the no contact rule and then some. I don’t think this is a problem for you. I’m talking to the general audience here. This is for the people listening who are trying to get their ex-boyfriend back and they know for a fact that he’s angry. Don’t make the mistake of trying to get him back immediately after the breakup. That’s not going to work.
Remember, he’s at this angry point. You’re not going to get him back when he’s at an angry point. Most likely, the chances are highest to get him back when he’s not angry, when he has mellowed out and calmed down. That’s usually after the no contact rule. This is after some time goes by. The number one way to stop an ex from being angry at you is time. Enough time has to go by.
The second way is when he gets his way. A perfect example of this is a baby. Let’s say that you feed a baby a cookie. The baby loves that cookie. Then you give the baby another cookie. Right before he or she is about to bite into it, you take it away.
The baby throws a temper tantrum. It cries. It yells. It becomes a nuisance, all because it’s angry that it didn’t get the cookie. The two ways you can get this angry baby to stop crying and yelling are to leave it alone and let enough time go by or give the cookie back. The baby gets his way. When the baby gets his way, it stops crying and eats the cookie.
The same principle applies to men. If you let enough time go by or give your ex-boyfriend what he wants, he will stop being angry with you. But I don’t recommend giving your ex-boyfriend what he wants if it’s not something good. Sex is a common thing that comes into play here.
Some men get angry at you for not sleeping with them after a breakup. They only stop getting angry if you sleep with them. Some women fall for this trap. Don’t fall for this trap. Just use time. Those are the two ways you can stop an ex from being angry at you.
Let’s look at your situation, Brandywine. Let’s come up with a game plan or the rules of approaching your ex. I’m going to give you five rules that you need to follow to maximize your chances of, not just getting him back but getting back on speaking terms with him, and increasing your chances of winning him back in the future.
These rules aren’t as in depth as you would probably want. I don’t have enough time in my schedule to give you the real in depth game plan that I’m assuming you would want. I would recommend picking up my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, to get a game plan that you can follow. For now, let’s go through these rules of approaching an angry ex.
Rule number one is not to get baited into a fight. This is a common mistake that I see women make continually. Their ex-boyfriend says something to them that hurts them. What do they do? They retaliate. A whole new fight gets started. That’s not what we want to happen here. Remember, the object of this game is not to get into a fighting contest with your ex. It’s to build attraction and reignite the feelings that will cause your ex to come back to you.
Don’t get baited into a fight. If your ex-boyfriend says or does something that makes you hurt or angry, don’t retaliate. Maybe just ignore him. Sometimes I find that walking away from a situation is the best thing you can do, especially when you’re angry. Then reevaluate it later. Rule number one is not to get baited into a fight.
Rule number two is that, down the road, you can apologize for your part. You mentioned that you wanted to apologize or talk about your perspective of the breakup to your boyfriend, Brandywine. I think that’s great, but you need to do it at the right time. When is the right time? After enough rapport has been built and you’ve primed him enough to react positively to your apology.
What’s more likely to happen—an ex-boyfriend accepting your apology after you’ve primed him, built some rapport and you’re on decent terms or an ex-boyfriend forgiving you right after a breakup when you haven’t done any of those things? You increase your chances of the apology mattering more by building rapport with him.
That is step number three. Build the right rapport. There is a right way and a wrong way to do things. Visit my website. Grab the book. There is tons of information in these places on how to build the correct type of rapport.
Let’s move onto step four. Be sincere when you talk to him through texting or phone calls. An ex-boyfriend can tell when you’re trying to win him back. Men are not stupid, even though George Carlin thinks they are. When it comes to this stuff, men are not stupid. We understand when we are trying to be won back. If you’re sincere in how you’re talking to him and you don’t want to win him back, you’re just having a sincere conversation with him, things will go better with him. You will increase your chances of building the right rapport that you need, not just to apologize to him, but to get back on speaking terms and potentially win a date that can lead to a reconnection.
Step five is to take things slow. The biggest mistake I see women make is that they rush things. They want this process to happen sooner than it’s ready to happen. Some women, right off the bat, ask for a date. No. That’s a mistake. You need to slowly build attraction before you ask for that date. You’ll increase your chances of getting a date 10 times more if you build the right rapport.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIt’s not just texting him, “Hey, let’s go out for a cup of coffee,” or “Hey, I’ll buy you a beer,” or “Hey, let’s go out and have dinner and a movie.” No. These things don’t work. You need to build attraction to earn the date. Take things slow, Brandywine. I know you’ve been waiting a year. I think you can take things slow because you’ve been in no contact for so long.
You’ve taken necessary steps to improve yourself, look at your own issues and improve upon your values. I think you are a patient person. You’re just going to have to be extra patient. The temptation is going to be there for you to ask him out on a date. If you do this process right, he will be the one asking you out on a date. That’s powerful because you know he wants to see you.
That concludes the five rules of approaching an angry ex. I would add, do not sleep with him until he commits to you. It’s as simple as that.
That is Episode 29, how to deal with an angry ex-boyfriend. I hope you enjoyed this episode and my goofy astrology thing at the beginning. If you have an astrological sign and want to share it or say how accurate it is about you, feel free to comment in the show notes of this episode. You can find the show notes at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode29.
Brandywine, thank you so much for recording a voicemail. If you have any more questions, just comment on your episode here. For those of you listening, thank you so much. I’ve had a great time recording this podcast, teaching you and explaining things. Thank you for listening. If you haven’t already, it would help me if you would hop over to the iTunes page. I’ll link to it in the show notes. Leave me an honest review. If you didn’t like it, leave a review and let me know. If you liked it, great. Leave a review and give me five stars. All I ask is that you’re honest. Thank you so much for listening. I will see you next week.
noah
September 25, 2018 at 3:32 pm
hi chris,
he talked to me today and he was awesome, he kept talking about good memories, some actually were about private moment or during physical meeting but i felt he was kind of happy remembering these stuff, i do follow all the tips you mention and to be honest you’re really awesome and i didn’t get to meet u in person but you’re really appreciated, thank you so much for replying and thanks for the EBR team too for helping.
Chris Seiter
September 25, 2018 at 9:10 pm
Hi Noah…I am happy for you and just remember to take things slow, almost like you are dating in this re-establishing the relationship phase. Avoid any heavy topics or relationship talk. It can confuse and scare off guys.
noah
September 24, 2018 at 5:31 pm
helllllp EBR team!
i’ve done the no contact period successfully, we talked many times according to the plan with the same techniques u mentioned in this site, everything was perfect and he got attracted again, but suddenly he brought up the cause of the break up, we fought, he told me that he changed his mined even if we’re talking and laughing that doesn’t mean we’re not getting back together and we’re not getting married ” we were about to get engaged before the break up” he said everything has a after taste and that didn’t leave me happy.. it wasn’t a mistake that i made in purpose i was in a big trouble and i didn’t call him to ask for his help!!! now he’s stressed and his life is not good at all, he says he doesn’t trust me anymore and he doesn’t want a relationship but we can still be friends and i have to take responsibility for the mistake i’ve done….
what is ur advise to me now?! he’s super angry but when he calms down we talk neutrally or remembering good memories together.. we’ve been together for 6 years and this wasn’t the first break up…
Chris Seiter
September 25, 2018 at 2:55 am
Hi Noah!
Looks like NC helped you but things can get off kilter later if the relationship problems have not been resolved. Six years is some good traction so I think you guys will get thru this. just give him some space. I have lots of resources here at the site so enjoy!
Ahnna
April 6, 2018 at 1:40 pm
Well funnily my ex and me we are both Taurus. he has a huge moodiness problem but it was never as bad as now. I think I have reached the point of no return where he blocked me ..he never wanted to hear from me again. A day later unblock to let me talk and apologise… It was a hard talk I heard a lot of nasty things, that he wants another girl and that I am a Monster and never learn. 2 days later I reached out to thank him for unblocking and tot tell him that I don’t hold a grudge and hope he will get over his anger and resentment. I maybe wanted to see if he is still angry, and well biggest mistake ever! He was about to block me again because I dared to text him. He seems to be really completely done and his perception of my is utterly bad. Is it possible one looses his feelings forever and that he means it? How long NC? or is it too late?
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 3:35 am
No he probably wont loose feelings forever but he will be difficult considering the Taurus is “the Bull” and he’s probably stubborn. Not impossible to get back though. I think you should do a 30 day no contact. That first contact was the wrong type of message. Make sure you read this post before you next text. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
SS
March 2, 2018 at 6:19 pm
I did NC for more than a month and one day I accidentally slipped and sent an emoji and got a good response, so I decided to build rapport. But he responds really really slow, and i notice its a pattern of a few days. But after a month I noticed he’s slightly distant. I decided to be upfront abt i understand its over and im not pretending to act like things are just ok now (he mentioned sth like this before we broke up that hes worried that i would think w time passed ill assume things are fine)
Then he told me he’s still furious (its a week to 3 months now post breakup) and hes even furious at the idea of talking to me and he probably needs a really long time and he underestimated himself.he said he still feel eventhough he’s cold but not hopes just sadness.
What do I do now that even after NC and building rapport to find he’s still angry? Any advice is appreciated, thanks guys!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2018 at 5:45 pm
Hi Ss,
When why did you break up? How long was the relationship? Why is he angry?
Sandra
January 14, 2018 at 3:08 pm
Hello. So my ex and I dated for a year and a half and it was rocky because I was going through a very hard time (moving out of families home due to abuse, getting my first apartment, etc). He was there every step of the way. Because of everything that happened I did cling onto him and he is someone who needs space and this got to him after a while. This past July, his step father offered me a job at his insurance company and I took it. It is a lot of money and my ex at the time was eager about me joining his step father’s and mother’s business, even though he has a strained relationship with his mother. In the beginning of August we broke up because he started a new job, and I was being clingy still. I understood and we sadly parted ways. In September, he came back into my life. I didn’t think he would but he was calling every day, and we even started going on three mile runs together every day for about two months. In the beginning of November, he told me he had feelings for me but he didn’t want to hurt me. I knew what he meant. For our whole year and a half relationship, he told me that he used to drink a lot and he hurt a lot of people including his last ex, and his sister. He would sleep with random girls (he slept with his sisters friend for revenge at one point too). Anyway, after he told me he had feelings for me we had dinner together and then I didn’t hear from him again. I knew he was going through one of his funks, and at work his step father would complain about him to his wife and I’d overhear them talking about how he is acting weird. Well, on New Years Eve, he randomly texted me asking if he could come over. I didn’t respond, I was sleeping. The next day I texted him and he obviously didn’t respond. Two days later, one of his good friends out of the blue texted me and asked me out. I was shocked. He then started telling me that my ex was messing around with some girl. I found out this girl was the girl who tried to get with him last year at one point, and my ex was so upset about it at the time. She is friends with his best friends fiancé so I knew they would see each other, I just didn’t think anything of it. Long story short, last week after his friend asked me out & told me about the girl I sent my ex a text and I told him that i was so disappointed to find out about him messing with the girl from his friend and being asked out by him. i know I shouldn’t have texted him, i know I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn’t have a right to get mad because we weren’t technically together and he was free to do as he pleased. I just was so hurt. Well, he texted me back right away and demanded I tell him what friend it was. So sadly, I did. He was furious. He told me he wanted proof so I sent him a few screen shots but I knew i dug myself into a hole so I didn’t send him the screen shot where he asked me out because I know my ex, and he would do something to his friend. So I told him I was done and I’m sorry if I worked him up. He sent me back two long texts. He basically said I have caused him pain and drama and I am manipulative (I honestly have no idea what he means by that – that was the first time I talked to him since he expressed feelings for me) and that I shouldn’t bother replying to him because he’s blocking me. Which he did. He then unfollowed me on twitter (but didn’t block me) and then a few days later when I posted a selfie on Instagram he unfollowed me (but didn’t block me). That same day, he posted a picture on his instagram for the first time in two years of himself and his sister at a hockey game…weird. The night after his friend texted me and told me that my ex had threatened him for talking to me. I blocked his friends number the other day, but before I did his friend was telling me horrible stuff about my ex, and how he has been drinking a lot and has been acting weird and seems to be depressed and that all his friends don’t like him. I gently told his friend that it’s appalling that he is trying to hurt his friend (my ex) and that he should work on mending relationships with my ex and trying to be kind to him because he is a good guy. His friend didn’t like me saying that. My ex is a good guy – he truly is. I love him, which I never admitted but I care so strongly about him that even if we don’t get back together and we move on, I’d still be there for him.I can tell he’s going through something and it sucks. I’m hurt with what he said to me after I called him out but I know I was in the wrong as well. What should I do? Do you think I’ll ever hear from him again? I just feel like I screwed it up and it was major this time. I’m doing the no contact now, and I am working on finding new hobbies and bettering myself. We are both 24 so we are young, but I just feel like we have unfinished business and I don’t know how I should approach this situation. I want to apologize to him, but I don’t know if I should since I did when I texted him. It just is killing me to think he hates me and I never wanted that to happen.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2018 at 12:55 pm
Hi Sandra,
I think you should move on.. if it’s about closure, you have to give it to yourself.. You already apologized and you can’t control other people, so if he’s angry, you just have to let it be. You already apologized.. It’s up to him if he’s still angry.
Lucy
October 10, 2017 at 9:09 am
Hi, I hope you can help, I split from my LDR boyfriend last year and after 1 month of NC I started to build rapport ,we just stayed friends for 5 months messaging ,being friends, then he ask me to go visit him which I did, we had a lovely time ,he asked me to be his girlfriend ,we have had 7 months of loving relationship no arguments. My boyfriend blocked me 2 weeks ago after I become to needy , then he unblocked me to say distance was to much of a problem , I no I should of gone into NC straight away but I get a new number and message him, he reads but doesn’t reply so I message again and he blocks me this time I got angry and sent a spiteful message through another medium I am not blocked on saying he was obviously using me and that I was better than that , he read the message ,yesterday I felt remorse and messaged apologising so he blocked me there to, I know my words would have made him angry as I said them to hurt because I was hurting. I haven’t tried to message or call him since . I know I messed up , have I lost him for good now ? What should I do ?
Lucy
October 11, 2017 at 11:09 am
Hi Amor, Thankyou , I have listened to the advice and will follow , I’m just very worried that my last message was to hurtful and my exbkyfriend will never stop being angry , have I ruined my chances ? Thanks in advance
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2017 at 11:56 am
let’s say you did, the only way you can make your chances better is to focus in yourself and in your improvements.. his anger will probably subside over time.. so now, be active in improving yourself..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2017 at 3:26 pm
Hi Lucy,
Check this one:
Here’s How Mary Got Her Ex Boyfriend To Unblock Her (And Eventually Come Back)
Nicole
October 4, 2017 at 2:20 pm
Do the same rules apply if you do not want your ex back but genuinely want to be friends with your ex? We had an amicable breakup, after a month break, which I asked for after a lot of talking about our relationship, but there is some anger there.
Right after agreeing to the break he blocked me on instagram, but communication did not completely break off, but he was short, and I know he was angry still. After the break and a day of him wanting to know my thoughts on everything, we both agreed it wouldn’t work and we broke up, and I sent a couple texts that said I was sorry it didn’t work out, wished him the best, I was sad and disappointed about it, and hoped we could be friends, as we always said that during our relationship, along with not wanting things to get bad to a point where we hated each other. He ignored those, and I’m afraid he is mad again. I’m still blocked on instagram but I really don’t care about that. It’s the only social media either of us has and it’s not important to me really.
I guess I feel guilty. I feel like he didn’t necessarily want to break up considering the day before we did, he asked how I thought we could make things work, said it would make a difference. Plus he was always very needy and clingy throughout our relationship and always blamed himself and asking me what he needed to do to change, and so I feel really bad. We didn’t have any actual fighting, and our relationship was actually pretty good except for the fact that we misunderstood each other, and he always doubted how I felt about him. I guess I’m wondering how much time to give him? I think he is angry in both instances because he felt rejected. Considering I don’t want to get him back, I honestly do not want to hurt him all over again and I don’t think I can give him what he needs, would a couple weeks be ok and then reach out over text? I was thinking of sending a cute pic of our pet turtle we have together and maybe asking how he is doing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2017 at 7:48 am
Hi Nicole,
If you’re just feeling guilty and you want to be friends just because you’re guilty, don’t.. Apologize sincerely, and then dont contact him anymore to let both of you move on
Jenny
December 13, 2016 at 8:05 pm
My ex and I broke up two months ago, there has been a lot of fighting for the past two months. He just blocked me on everything so I can’t contact him at all. What should I do? I haven’t seen him in months.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 14, 2016 at 11:13 pm
Hi Jenny,
Do you want to try the advice above? Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Sara
December 13, 2016 at 5:37 pm
Please help it’s been two months since me and my ex broken up and he’s still so angry even though I haven’t done anything we broke up during an argument and he’s basically had enough and said he doesn’t see a future.. we were together for 2 years officially and like 2 years unofficially.. the thing is he works in my office actually sits right infront of me and everything about me seems to anger him… what I wear what’s having a laugh with my colleges he said I make him hate me more everyday he’s now blocked me and I don’t know what I can do to just get him to not me angry and hate me anymore or how can he hate me so much
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 11:16 pm
HI Sara,
Because he keeps seeing you.. Whatever the first reason why he got angry you, comes back to him when he sees you.
Check this:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Clarice80
November 9, 2016 at 4:58 pm
My ex dumped me over text saying it was over about 2 and half weeks ago. We were together two years.
We had had a fight about moving in earlier in the day. Hes not ready thats fine, and we came up with a solution of me just moving down the road from him. We talked about eventually moving in, but that he wanted to see how i live on my own 1st (i currently live with roommates and he cant stay over). Plus hes worried that he’ll be supporting all of us (himself, his son and me and my daughter), but im fine on my own financially, i live pay check to paycheck but im pretty good at managing my money. Its not like i cant contribute if we lived together, i just happen to live in one of the most expensive places to live in the US. My dollar doesnt go too far. I told him im able to afford monthly rent on my own but that saving for the deposit is hard for me. He was mad that i didn’t come to him about helping with that. I told him its my pride and i am not with him for financial help or his money.
He offered to help with whatever i needed and made me promise if i ever needed money to come to him. There was a place i was trying to get and i told him how much i may need and that i would be contributing to the deposit and move in costs too. I then mentioned that if i were to get this place it wouldnt have been ready until after i would need to pay rent at my current house. And i asked if my daughter and i could stay for 3 days while it was getting ready. He got mad again. Im not sure why. But eventually through some talk he calmed down and we cuddled on couch watching football. Later when i was leaving i made sure to ask if indeed we were ok. And he said we were and that we would be stronger as a couple. He was excited to see what the future had for us. He told me how much he loved me and couldn’t wait to see me again in a few days.
5 hours later i get the dump over text. Saying we were over, that i shouldn’t call or text him again etc. Of course i made the mistake of blowing up his phone and pounding on his door. I want answers.
I did the texting for 4 days. I left him alone for a week and then texted him about getting my things from his house. It took him 2 days to respond. And then we exchanged a few hateful cold texts. I asked if we could talk, he says about what? I say about how he dumped me over text, his response….And??.
He said he flipped the love he had for me off, we arent meant to be, he said hes made his decision.
I dont even know what happened. We had had an otherwise great weekend , picutres taken that same weekend were of him hugging me with a huge smile …not a guy about ready to dump me. Idk. The behavior since is what I would expect from a teen or early 20 something….not a 45 yr old man. Im hurt. I know he loves me and didnt mean what he said. Ive said some nasty things too, including that hes a coward.
We had a great thing going. Can NC help? Or is damage done?
Also, a friend of his told me hes depressed and angry and hasn’t told his 8 yr old son yet and that he still has my photos up in his house. His son always asks for me too. Breaks my heart.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 5:40 pm
Hi Clarice 80,
The no contact rule can only help increase your chances, but it’s not the answer. You have to actively improve yourself during no contact too. It’s not just about stopping to talk to him.
Jules
November 6, 2016 at 8:38 am
My ex broke up with me 12 days ago. his reasons were because we had a rocky month prior of arguements. These were pretty small and i feel like his excuse was invalid. He reminded me a few times on the phone it was not what he wanted but felt that it was for the best. the next day he text me a sad face. i was confused and did not reply so i went straight into no contact. 5 days later he deleted me as a friend on facebook. one week later he posted up pics of him on twitter and instagram (he didnt delete me off these) of him out enjoying himself. i cant understand why he is being insensitive towards me when he was the one who broke up. could it be because i ignored the last text?
jules
November 20, 2016 at 10:36 pm
so day 27 no contact and i feel like the no contact has made him angry and pushed him away to the point he isnt returning. he is adding away at other girls on social media and liking pics of them. however, he has changed his profile pic again( 3rd time in 3 weeks) he has never done this. when we were together it was like twice a year.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 5:38 pm
If the no contact is indeed making him angrier, it can mean he’s still affected by you… Because if he really doesn’t care anymore, why bother trying to hurt you? It can be ego too because he’s used to you being affected by his anger.. You can still initiate after no contact.. Because that would mean that you’re not stalking nor watching his social media moves..So, if he is doing those things to piss you off, and then you texted him like you have no idea about his recent acts can make him think you really are living your own life and then it just so happens that day you remembered him.. Check the link below for your first contact message:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
jules
November 20, 2016 at 12:30 am
yes maybe he had deleted it due to the comment. who knows? i have been trying to focus on myself. its now day 25 no contact and i happened to be on instagram earlier and had seen that he had added a girl he used to see. i feel like tjis far into the no contact and with her now on the scene he wont contact me.
jules
November 17, 2016 at 8:52 pm
so its day 23 of no contact and 2 days ago he deleted the pics he had up of us on instagram off, someone wrote nice pic under it. i dont know if that triggered him to delete or if he is really trying to move on. also he is still continously posting pics of himself at work dos. advice please?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 19, 2016 at 8:25 pm
He probably erased it because of the comment. Dont focus in that because there can be a lot of reasons why he did that. You can only control yourself. And being your best self and doing good for yourself is the option that’s healthy for you.. I think you need to check this:
EBR 048: My Ex Boyfriend Unfriended Me On Facebook…. What Does It Mean?
jules
November 12, 2016 at 6:23 pm
he is still seeking ways to try and hurt me. i do want him to get into contact with me. but it seems like the no contact is making him angrier
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 6:27 pm
it can be a good sign b3cauee that means he wants attention from you, it can be bad, because it can also mean he’s trying to control you by being angry because he knows you dont want that
Jules
November 10, 2016 at 9:37 pm
did i do the right thing ignoring his text after he broke up with me? i feel like blocking him because he deleted me as a friend. i do still love and care about him but i cant stand what he is doing and being insensitive towards me with his social media.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 1:14 am
Hi Jules,
dont block him.. Yes, it’s more of attention seeking behavior.. So, dont focus in what he’s doing, focus in improving yourself.
Meli
September 25, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Hi, thanks for sharing. It’s interesting because you are a Taurus and so is the guy I had a fall out with. He has “blocked” me from calling or texting. He has never done this before. I guess I annoyed him to the point of this reaction. Similar to podcast video, we’ve been on/off for 5 years and I got fed up with something and let my emotions get the best of me. This isnt like him and i can honestly say he was warning me for a few months now that certain actions of mine were annoying to him. He hates when i apologize or say sorry because he feels that I dont mean it because i keep doing the same thing. Last contact of mine was 9/18. I miss him alot and it hurts. i want to reach out but clearly i dont want to continue “annoying” him. Im used to us communicating every day. How do you get through to a Taurus?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 9:49 am
Hi Meli,
Hmm.. I’m not a horoscope expert but he’s reaction is normal. Any other sign or guy would react the same way. So, the best you could do is do 45 days no contact. And do it properly. Don’t just stop and wait for him. Be active in improving yourself. And check this ones:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
The Ungettable Girl
rachel
September 9, 2016 at 1:22 pm
So me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. It has been chaos ever since. He is alwys angry msging me claiming that i have slept with this guy and that. He has a long list of guys that he has made up in his mind that i have slept with. I have tried explaining to him countless times but he doesnt seem to be working. I even read the article that states if i have been falsely accused of cheating.
I have tried everything, i followed that article and not spoken to him for more than a week but i alwys ended up replying to him because of his angry msgs daily.
I got really fedup and i knew where he was working ysterday, i showed up and he wsnt pleased. We had a huge fight, with him walking away and me following him and him throwing his phone and asking me to leave but i didnt. I begged him to make it work with me but he kept refusing and saying he hasnt had feelings for me in a long time even when we were together. It was very hurtful, it ended up with him getting into his car and driving away.
I went home all numb and he continued angry msging me in the middle of the night, he sent me a video of him cutting up our picture together, That really HURT !
He is really angry at me and no matter what i do, he just keeps getting angry at me. He seems so adamant on never getting back together, he is at a point where he hates me ! He has been extremely angry at me for 2 months straight and after last night it got way worst !
What should i do ? Please advice.
rachel
September 23, 2016 at 6:05 am
I agree. So what should I do now ?
Should I try the NC ? Would that help in this case ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 8:03 am
I think so.. It’s not a guarantee that it will work but trying what I said, is I think the only other way you haven’t tried. So, why not do it..
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 11:52 am
Hi Rachel,
stop feeding the fire Rachel.. I know you’ll keep doing what you want to do and I understand that and I also think that’s the only way that can help you realize that the more you answer, the more you show up, the more you beg, the more it will make him angry or take advantage of that power by continuing to be angry at you.
You basically keep on reacting to him and it’s making him feel good. Take the high road. Ignore and improve yourself. Learn to live life that he’s the only who’s angry.
You’ve explained. That’s enough. Don’t lower your value by continuing to chase him.
Stop reacting to him.. It’s like you keep riding the worst ride in the carnival and expecting it to make you feel better the next time you ride it.
YNA
June 9, 2016 at 3:26 pm
Hi Chris and Amor!
There’s only 8 days left before the end of the no contact period. People really think I’m doing great in life! And to “test the waters”, I had a friend I really trust to try to sneak my name in their conversation just to see how he’ll react about knowing that I’m already happy with my life. Surprisingly, my friend told me that he had a negative response about it. My friend said he was being all bitter about the idea of love. Is this a good sign or a bad sign? What should I do? Do you recommend prolonging my NC or am I doing good? Thank you! I have been reading your articles everyday to lessen my anxiety. 🙂
Lilith
November 30, 2015 at 7:39 pm
Something bugs me about the apologizing part. You’re naturally assuming the guy has a point here. I mean, that’s fine and all, and let’s assume they have.
But (for example) my boyfriend was outraged after I didn’t take him back (third time break up, his choice, not mine, I was devastated every time) and out of anger he decided to burn my belongings, my art and tell everyone that the sexual abuse, that I am now in therapy for, never happened. And that they should never believe me if I ever mention trauma or abuse. He made sure all our friends deleted me from Facebook and spoke nasty about me to each other, publicly with my name tagged in every insulting message.
And besides not taking him back, I can’t really think of anything that I’ve done to make him mad. The reason he broke up is because he wanted me to get ‘fixed’ first. Since I kept crying about the abuse and was uncomfortable with his dad ‘jonkingly’ slapping me on the butt.
Thát is the reason. And I would never in a million years apologize for it. So why is this article assuming that it was the womans fault and that she should apologize, or am I missing something here?
Tiff
November 9, 2015 at 5:05 am
Okay Chris,
So progress was happening… did no contact, talked over text, met and talked in person, but then a week later I kept trying to “build rapport” by talking to him but he just slowly would respond later and later, and finally started to ignore me. I waited three days and asked if we could meet up and talk and he just ignored me… We would run into each other at parties and stuff, but he seems to be sending mixed signals. Saying one thing but acting another way. Nothing about us/the past relationship has come up. I’m not sure how to handle him ignoring me. Should I leave him alone until he contacts me? Should I say hi when I see him next or ignore him back? Should I wait a few weeks and text him again, just being friendly? I’m stuck 🙁
Anna
September 23, 2015 at 11:32 am
Hi,
I have been in a long distance relationship for more than 2 years. I’ve tried to see him as often as possible, but the process of booking a flight was so hard for him. I felt like he was always finsing excuses not to see me.
Last month he told me he was not coming to visit me in September and I lost my head. During the argue (via emailed) I told him I was more than just a person with whom he would be and have holidays. I was much more. And in the end I asked if we were just waisting our time by being together.
I never ment to hurt him. But apparently I have. He stoped talking to me. Never answer an emailed and after my apology 2 days later he sent me an email saying he didnt want to keep a relation with a person that things is time waisted and that he had realised that I was right. I was the one making all the effort for us to be together and he wasnt doing anything.
I tried to call him and he never answered. 2 weeks passed and I receive an sms saying he had canceled my presence in an event we had in october because he doesn’t feel like going together. He emailed me one week after apologizing and saying he needes time.
Yesterday I could not bare the no contact anymore and I sent him an e-mail. I told him I want him. And that he was immature and did show no respect towards me. He answered immediately. He was sooo angry. He told me that i was the one not respecting him and he had never even thought about waiting time with me. I said it once and he would not allow me to say it twice.
I trully didnt mean to hurt him and I apologised. But i trully think he is acting like a child. I don’t think our argue was bad enough to break up a 3 years relationship.
I know I want him. But I don’t know how to get him.
One month passed and he keeps being as angry as the day we had the first fight. I feel like everything I do is not right. He is rude and ignoring.
How can I get another chance?
Camilla
September 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I were together for two years before he left for college. He spent the whole summer reassuring me that the distance(500 miles) was only temporary and would make our relationship so much stronger and solidify our future together. About three weeks into it, he stopped talking to me after everything was going perfectly. On the fourth day I called him and my number had been blocked naturally I called him about ten times and left countless messages and then later apologized. He called me that night and said he wanted to move on with his life. He nicked me on all social media, my number, everything. But he won’t delete his pictures of me on Instagram. I am in the first week of the NCR and I’ve realized a lot of things because I am really using this time to better myself mentally and physically. So first off I realized that I was codependent and didn’t even realize it. I was so emotionally invested that I forget to love myself and be happy on my own. I’m working on all of this and it is working but it’s making it too hard with the fact that it seems like he never wants anything to do with me ever again. I don’t know how I’m going to contact him at the end of NC or what I can even say. I should mention that he is very sensitive but extremely prideful and really struggling in school right now so it’s optimistic of me to think that he’s even thinking about me ever because he’s so busy and invested in school not to mention stressed out. It kills me how easy it was for him to erase me from his life and act like everything we had never happened and so easily cut me out and forget me as if he never really cared in the first place. Getting through nc has good and bad days but I want him back when the 30 days is up and I’ve grown mentally, physically, and emotionally and know I am happy on my own.
Nicole
August 2, 2015 at 4:20 pm
Hi Chris,
Thanks for all your advice. You really are opening my eyes.
I’m stuck and need your advice.
Me and my bf well now ex bf for the millionth time. Have been doing this on/off again since 2013.
It’s always when he gets mad about something he’s always breaking up with me.
Like a child.
I wonder if he’s bi-polar because it’s night and day with him.
So right now I’m in NC officially day 2…
I’m feeling good about doing this since I’m pretty fed up with these mind games.
It throws mix signals everywhere.
One minute he tells me loves spending his time with me and then the next causing a fight and tells me he hates me.
Another minute he tells me he misses me and loves me and the next wants nothing to do with me.
I feel like he says what he thinks I want to hear and I don’t know what to believe anymore.
This last fight sprung out of nowhere.
Long story short, I was laid off from my job, devastated, yes. Job hunting like crazy!
I was seeing him everyday for the past week he would help me look for potential jobs etc.
I have been very down since losing my job.
Well he had the nerve to throw, “I am pushing him away constantly and we are not having as much sex as we used to”.
Says I’m playing games.
Clearly I’m not, just haven’t been in the mood especially with everything going on right now.
But instead of him talking to me about this like an adult.
He wants to have this argument the night before I have an interview in the morning.
1. I know I have been pushing him away.
2. I don’t know what to think when it comes to US and our relationship when its a bunch of mix signals.
3. We are pretty much friends with benefits but he treats me like we are bf/gf.
4. My feelings are changing..
I think my feelings are changing because I want a good, nice, respectful man who treats me good.
I know he can be all of these things.
But it’s only when HE wants to be.
I’m tired of constantly accusing me or jumping to conclusions.
I’m sick of all the bs, ridiculous fights.
He knows everything and is always right.
I’m always wrong.
He says he’s mature but he isn’t.
He tends to say the meanest things EVER!
It literally makes me cry.
Sometimes says he’s sorry and other times doesn’t.
He texted me and told me the other day he wants a long break.
What does that mean?
The last time he wanted a break I found out he was talking to some girl.
I think taking breaks are selfish and leaves the person on the backburner. The second option just in case.
And then when we are not of a break he tells me how much he misses me and girls don’t even compare to me.
See…. Total mix signals. Mind games.
Please help.
Thanks for your time.
-Nicole
Chris Seiter
August 13, 2015 at 1:10 pm
It does sound that way. The long break could mean theres another girl but the best thing you can do is be the ungettable girl. Start dating other people. If he is on your facebook, use facebook to your advantage. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-using-facebook-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
CLR
June 30, 2015 at 7:25 pm
Just had another WONDERFUL conversation with my ex! It wasn’t long because he had to go to work. Actually, he was calling me back from yesterday…because of work lol. Anyway, the first thing out of his mouth was how he wanted me to continue my story from yesterday, he was curious about what I had to say! Mind blown! This goes with what you were saying about maintaining interest. Even though it was unintentional, it still got him calling me. I swear it’s like our three months breakup never happened. Thank you again.