The no contact rule…
It is arguably the most popular strategy when it comes to getting an ex back.
It is also one of the most challenging strategies to get through due to a variety of reasons.
Now, I’m not one to brag about myself…
….
Oh, who am I kidding I totally am.
I would say that Ex Boyfriend Recovery has the most information online regarding “the no contact rule.”
I talk about it extensively in my PRO System , here and here.
So, to continue my total dominance over the internet I figured I would give you another glimpse into my magnificent brain with it’s knowledge over the no contact rule.
(I am bragging way too much about myself, huh?)
In order to understand this article you first need to understand the context of what it is talking about.
Those of you who are up to date on my most recent thoughts regarding getting your ex back can probably skip this next section but for those of you who aren’t then you would do well to listen up.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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My Thoughts On Getting An Ex Back In Today’s Day And Age
The more we live in this earth the more we experience and the more we experience the more we learn.
This is pretty much common sense, right.
So, it would make sense that the more time I dedicate to helping people get their exes back the more I learn.
I have been doing this for the last several years and I have LITERALLY seen thousands of situations and the more I have seen the more I have learned about what works and what doesn’t work.
Well, what if I told you that most successful “get your ex back” campaigns all have four categories to them.
While no two campaigns will ever be alike generally you can locate these four things within them.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI took the liberty of creating a graphic to illustrate the four things for you,
So, we have four things.
- The No Contact Rule…
- Text Messaging…
- Phone Calls…
- In Person Re-connection…
Since this is an article that focuses on what to do if you get no response after no contact where do you think that, that falls in this graphic?
How about right where that circle is,
Now, I don’t want to bother explaining this entire strategy to you, that’s what PRO is for.
Instead, I am just going to explain the portion that we are focusing on to you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
What Happens In That Circled Portion Of The Strategy?
In order to answer that question we are going to have to take you back and explain what the no contact rule is.
When I first started this article I mentioned to you that I have a ton of information on this website about the no contact rule so if you want an in-depth explanation of the no contact rule I suggest that you take a look at those links above. However, for the purposes of this article I am going to go ahead and give you a quick crash course (since that is what I do.)
I figured the best way to do this would be with some role playing so I would like you to meet Bob.
Bob is the ex boyfriend of Alicia.
Now, Alicia, as you may have guessed, has decided that she wants to get Bob back so she decided to use the no contact rule.
The No Contact Rule- A period of time (ranging from 21 to 30 days) where you ignore your ex on purpose in an effort to get him back.
I figured I would put together a graphic illustrating this,
Do you understand no contact now?
Yes?
Better yet, why not pick up a copy of my epic in lengthy eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOk, lets move on.
I want you to take a look at the graphic I put together above with the circle….
Hmm… I’ll tell you what.
I will just post it below again so you don’t have to go through the annoyance of scrolling up and then down again.
What is happening in this circled area?
Well, what is supposed to happen in the grand scheme is that Alicia would complete the no contact rule and then use text messages to re-attract Bob.
That little circled area above is supposed to represent the sending of the first text message after the no contact rule.
In a perfect world Alicia would send a text message to Bob and Bob would respond to it happily.
But we don’t live in a perfect world?
What if the trajectory of Alicia’s “get your ex back” campaign gets screwed up and instead of Bob responding happily (like he was supposed to) he doesn’t respond at all…
THAT is what this entire article is about.
I am basically going to teach you what to do in this circumstance and how to improve the odds of having your ex boyfriend respond to you but we don’t just want him to respond to you now do we?
We want him to respond to you in a positive manner.
The Importance Of A Positive Response
When you are texting an ex there are generally four types of responses that you can get.
Care to take a guess at what those responses are?
- The positive response
- The neutral response
- The negative response
- The no response
Now, as much as I would love to eat up another thousand words talking about the four responses I can’t do that since we are here to talk about one type of response, the positive one.
The ultimate goal of this page is to help you get a positive response from an ex who isn’t so positive.
In other words, I am going to take you from point A (where your ex boyfriend isn’t responding to your texts) to point B (where he will in a very positive manner.)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizBut why is it so important to get a positive response after the no contact rule?
Well….
I really hate to tell you this but I can’t really hold anything back from you.
It’s because of the rule of three.
What Is “The Rule of Three?”
Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a great resource for getting an ex boyfriend back.
There is no doubt about that.
However, it is also a great resource for figuring out what works and what doesn’t work.
In other words, it’s my own personal hypothesis tester.
How does that work?
Basically when I have an idea about getting an ex back I write about it and wait to see what happens when people implement it.
From there I gather research and if I find out that enough people are implementing it and having success I let you guys know about it.
The rule of three is one of those hypothesis’.
Actually… I take that back.
I didn’t come up with this. This is something that I just started noticing.
It’s a trend…
A bad trend…
A very bad one…
Confused, no problem. Go pick up a copy of my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” to come up to speed on what you need to know to every detail!
Since we have a big international audience I am going to use a soccer analogy to explain this so buckle up.
Imagine for a moment that you were playing soccer on a team and you were your teams best player. In other words, they were relying on you to win the game. Throughout the game you only had three shots on goal and the other team had zero.
In order for you to win the game all you have to do is make one goal…
Just one.
Well, getting an ex boyfriend back is kind of like that.
This is especially true when it comes to texting an ex boyfriend.
From everything I have seen you only have three chances at a text message after the no contact rule to get a positive response from him and if you don’t get that positive response then your chances drop dramatically.
Let’s have some fun with this soccer analogy,
So, in this analogy you will notice that,
- The Player = You
- The Ball = The Text Message You Send
- The Goal = Getting A Positive Response From Your Ex
Now, you have three chances to hit the shot or you will lose the soccer game (aka: getting your ex back.)
But you will notice when you turn your attention to the goal that just getting a response isn’t enough.
I mean, anyone can get a response.
In fact, I bet that if you were using an ironclad no contact rule on me I could get you to break it and respond to me.
Want to know how?
I would just send you a text like this,
Pretty gloomy and depressing, right?
Well, I am pretty sure you would respond to me even if you were doing no contact but your response wouldn’t be positive would it?
Nope, it would be negative and hateful.
Like I said, anyone can get a response.
But not everyone can get a positive response and when you add in the fact that realistically you only have three chances to get a positive response you can see why this article is super important.
Of course… you are in a bit of a predicament right now aren’t you?
The Predicament You Are In
Since this is an article about navigating a situation where you have already reached out to your ex after the no contact rule and have gotten no response you have already take one or more shots on goal and missed.
In other words, if you only had three shots to start out with now you have one or two left.
But I will get to that in a second. There is one thing that I need to talk about right now and that is for the GNATS of the world.
GNAT stands for,
Going
Nuts
At
Texting
Pretty cool acronym, huh?
I really wish I could take credit for it but I can’t. It was actually a visitor here on EBR that first said it to me and I kind of stole it.
Ya…
Anyways, let’s assume that you do a no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and then after that no contact rule is up instead of taking three shots at goal you take ten.
How very GNATTY of you.
Now, lets say that your ex boyfriend ignores all of your “shots on goal.”
Does this mean that you have no chance of success?
Should you give up forever?
Well, if you recall my earlier statement I said that your chances of success drastically decrease but I didn’t say it was impossible. In fact, I am a big believer in leaving no stone unturned and while I wouldn’t have preferred that you turned into a GNAT after no contact you can’t just give up.
So, try things my way.
Now, lets get back to the non-GNATS out there who may have already taken one or two shots at goal.
In fact, lets just say that you have only taken one shot at goal (and missed.)
Realistically you have two shots left.
In order to give yourself the best chance of success you need to make sure that these shots are solid attempts. They need to be well thought out texts with intent behind them.
That’s where my interesting theory comes into play.
The Interesting Theory
Lets stop talking about your ex for a second and zoom out a bit.
I want to talk about people in general (which by default will include your ex.)
Have you ever noticed how people are fascinated by the interesting?
Take a look at the three pictures below,
The Pink Dolphin
The Pregnancy Announcement
Real Life Jurassic Park?
What do all three of this pictures have in common?
At first glance…
Nothing, right?
WRONG!
These three pictures have a lot in common.
In fact, these three pictures all went viral within the last five years.
Why?
Because they are all interesting….
HEY!
Are you paying attention or are you still scrolling up to figure out if the dinosaur is real?
(It’s not… it was an April Fools joke.)
But the dolphin is real… in case you were wondering.
People have a fascination with interesting things. I mean, you don’t see anything boring ever going viral on Facebook now do you?
Hmm…
Perhaps I should give you a real life example.
Ok, yesterday I was cruising around Facebook and noticed something interesting. It was this video where these men (who looked to be guerrillas) were making fun of a monkey. All of the men had guns which looked to be AK-47’s. Anyways, while they were making fun of the monkey one of them had the genius idea to give his gun up to the monkey.
Guess what happened next?
Yup, the monkey somehow shot the gun (at the ground) and all the men started taking off running.
See for yourself,
Now, is the video real?
Nope… it’s fake.
But you know what it is?
INTERESTING!
As long as human beings rule this world they will always be fascinated with interesting things.
This leads us to your ex boyfriend.
Above I explained how you only have a few shots on goal to get this positive response. That means that the text message that you send your ex boyfriend has to be as interesting or MORE interesting than all of the things I just talked about.
In other words, you need to become your ex boyfriends “pink dolphin.”
But how?
How can you send a text message on this level?
The In’s And Out’s Of Sending An Interesting Text Message
I will admit that crafting the most interesting text message that your ex boyfriend has ever encountered is a bit of a challenge.
Why?
Because oftentimes people respond to stories better than anything but this is a text message we are talking about here.
All you get is 160 characters.
Kind of hard to tell a good story being limited like that?
Now, I know what some of you iPhone fanatics are going to tell me (don’t worry I am one too.)
“But Chris, some phones don’t have any limit to the amount of characters you can send.”
And while I have covered this extensively in my “Texting Bible” I suppose it won’t hurt to give you a quick crash course.
You have just completed the no contact rule…
That means you have gone through ignoring your boyfriend for 21 to 30 days.
Imagine how it would look if you sent a super long text message like this,
Your ex boyfriend is going to go…
“Ugh, she is so needy even after all this time. Ok, lets listen to her latest emotional outburst.”
In other words, your text message can be no more than 160 characters and that may even be pushing it.
It sucks doesn’t it?
Having all these restrictions.
Restrictions So Far:
- Text Has To Be The Most Interesting Your Ex Boyfriend Has Ever Read
- The Text Can Be No More Than 160 Characters
Just for fun I am going to add on another little restriction for you :p .
You can not talk about your previous relationship AT ALL.
Not only is this not going to be an interesting topic for your ex boyfriend but it will automatically tip your hand that you are wanting him back. While eventually your hand will need to be tipped this isn’t the time to do.
This is the time to fascinate him.
I think that’s it for the restrictions.
Final Restrictions:
- Text Has To Be The Most Interesting Your Ex Boyfriend Has Ever Read
- The Text Can Be No More Than 160 Characters
- You Can Not Be Overly Emotional Or Talk About Your Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend
So, how the heck are we going to do this?
How are we going to craft the perfect text message to your ex boyfriend to get him to respond in a positive manner?
Well, in order to understand that you need to understand the template of an interesting text.
Interesting Text Message Template
What I am about to teach you is going to change your life forever.
Now, those of you who know me really well know that I rarely make that kind of a claim.
In other words, I am trying to re-iterate how incredible what I am about to show you is.
I would like to introduce you to the ultimate template for an interesting text message.
(If you want more information on interesting text messages I recommend that you check out my book, The Texting Bible.)
I know what your thinking…
“That doesn’t look very life changing to me.”
I promise you it is but you have to give me a chance to explain it first.
Lets start with…
Determining The Interesting Type
Again, if you want a more thorough breakdown of text messages I suggest you take a look at the Texting Bible.
There are many different “interesting text messages.”
For example,
You have the funny interesting type…
The creative interesting type…
The weird interesting type…
And we can’t forget the “in common” interesting type…
What I want you to do is determine the interesting type of text message that you are going to send.
Do you need some help choosing?
Ok, lets go down the list.
What Is “Funny Interesting?”
Basically anything that makes you laugh your butt off can be found in this category.
Pretend you are watching a comedian and you get hooked on his or her jokes. While you know you are just watching a man or woman on a stage with a microphone talking there is something about it that makes you unable to turn away.
They do an impression… you get pulled in.
They tell a story… you get pulled in.
They walk funny… you get pulled in.
It’s interesting to you and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
This is what I am talking about by “funny interesting.”
Now, since we are dealing with text messages here one of the funniest things that you can do is send a funny picture. Take a look around this site. You will notice that it is filled with memes. I do this to lighten the mood and add some color to my pages.
However, I also think the memes are funny and a lot of women who visit this site do too.
In fact, I would say that it’s one of the reasons that Ex Boyfriend Recovery is preferred over all the other websites out there teaching people to get their exes back.
I guess what I am trying to say is that an example of sending a “funny interesting” text can also include sending a meme like this,
Ok, enough of this.
Let’s move on to the next interesting type.
The Creative Interesting Type
This basically includes anything that is creative and interesting.
Hmm… perhaps I should give an example.
I have done research on this website to show that most of my readers are between the ages of 18 and 34. In other words, most of you are at the stage of life where you are going to have to start applying for jobs.
DUN…
DUNNN…
DUNNNNNN…
(That was meant to represent that sound that plays after something scary is said.)
Anyways, when you apply for a job you have to create a resume that essentially pitches yourself and why you are the right person for the job.
Now, a resume has a pretty plain jane template in which things are supposed to be done,
Super boring and plain, right?
Essentially what happens is an employer will get hundreds of resumes like these to sift through and oftentimes he/she won’t even read them all. In fact, all that happens is they scan the endless piles of resumes for something that looks interesting and once they find something that looks interesting they will pick it to read through fully.
But lets get creative for a minute.
Lets pretend that instead of using the boring resume template above you were to break the mold and come up with your own creative resume,
(I am going to have to give credit of this picture to Robbie Bautista.)
So, imagine that you are an interviewer with one hundred resumes on your desk that all look like the boring resume template and then you happen to stumble across the resume above.
It’s new, creative and interesting.
Guess who just got chosen for an interview?
This is the kind of outside the box thinking that you are going to need to employ in a text message to your ex boyfriend if you decide to choose the “creative type.”
Lets move on to the weird type.
The Weird Interesting Type
Hmm…
How can I put this?
Do you remember the pink dolphin?
That was pretty weird, right?
It was something that was out of the ordinary. I mean, dolphins aren’t supposed to be pink.
This is “weird interesting” in a nutshell.
It’s basically anything that you can send to your ex boyfriend that is out of the ordinary to get him to respond to you.
Let me give you an example.
(Again, this is an example so what I am about to say is completely false. Got it? Good)
Lets pretend that you heard this fact that the sky actually wasn’t blue but it was (sticking to the theme here) pink.
And you decided to share this information with your ex boyfriend in a text.
This would be classified as a weird interesting type of text message that probably would get a response.
Now lets move on to the final interesting archetype.
Having stuff in common.
In Common Interesting Type
I am a huge fan of the HBO hit series Game of Thrones.
(That was a pretty awesome episode, huh?)
Anyways, my point is that I am a big fan of GOT and anytime someone says anything about it I get stopped in my tracks and listen.
In other words, if someone were to send me a text message about something I found interesting (game of thrones) the chances are high that I will give it a response.
Now, just sending a simple text message like,
Isn’t going to cut it.
You need to do more.
That leads me to my next point.
Shocking Opening
Have you ever heard the phrase,
Starting things off with a “BANG”
How about this one?
SHOCK and then awe
These are two phrases that I want you to get very familiar with because we are going to be using the philosophy behind them to create the “shocking” opening.
If you take a look at the graphic I created above we are at the point where you have chosen the type of text message that you want to send but need to craft a shocking opening.
But why?
Why is it so important for us to create something shocking.
I am going to need to explain this with an example.
Let me show you two text messages and after you are done reading them I want you to tell me which of them a man will respond to better,
Text A (The Boring Opening)
Text B (The Shocking Opening)
Which of these texts has a higher chance for a response?
Text B, right?
I mean, an ex boyfriend is going to read that and think,
“What is she talking about?”
“What is it that I need to hear about?”
“I HAVE TO FIND OUT”
This leads me to my next point, crafting a shocking opening.
Lesson ONE: Separate Text Vs. In The Text
There are two keys or lessons that I am going to have to teach you if you are going to craft a perfect shocking opening.
The first one is deciding on whether you want your shocking opening to be a part of your overall interesting text message or if you want it to be a separate text message in and of itself.
If you look at the graphic above on creating an interesting text message you would remember that there are four main parts,
- Deciding The Text Type
- Shocking Opening
- Substance Middle
- Leave Him Wanting More Close
Deciding the text type happens before you even send a text message.
However, the shocking opening, substance middle and leave him wanting more close can be either combined into one massive action packed message or three separate text messages.
Care to take a guess at what I prefer?
Separation!
Yup, I like it when these three text messages are separated from one another in three texts.
Now, this may come as a shock to you since I clearly state in my book, The Texting Bible that after the no contact rule when trying to make your first contact you should just send one singular text message but your situation is a bit different isn’t it?
You have already tried reaching out to your ex after NC and had no success whatsoever.
Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result so that’s why I am taking the constraints of how many texts you can send after no contact off for now.
This leads me to my next point.
I am definitely in favor of sending the shocking opening as one text in and of itself instead of packing it in as one massive super text.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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Lesson TWO: Making Him Ask The Right Type Of Questions
Take a look at the shocking text example I gave above.
You want me to post it for you again huh?
UGH.. ok I will do it but just this once 😉 .
Want to know what makes this text message so effective?
It makes an ex boyfriend ask a lot of questions at once.
“I just saw something and I think you’ll want to hear about it…”
When a man receives something like that what are the first three things that are going to pop into his head?
Though One: What did she see?
Thought Two: Is it bad?
Thought Three: I have to find out what it is.
Now, lets compare these three thoughts to the three thoughts that will pop into his head when he gets a generic opening text message like the one I posted above…
Ok, so I broke down and posted another image I already posted….
The first three thoughts that an ex boyfriend will probably have when he reads a text message like this are,
Thought One: UGH, it’s her again…
Thought Two: What does she want?
Thought Three: Probably just trying to beg me to come back to her haha.
It doesn’t take a genius to see that this text is inferior to the shocking text message and that’s because the shocking text message makes an ex boyfriend ask the right type of questions.
It uses curiosity to it’s advantage.
Humans have always had a fascination with finding out what happens next. This curiosity to learn the truth can be used to your advantage.
Notice how the first two thoughts led to the third thought (where he needs to find out what happens next.)
Lets hit pause and study how this happened.
Thought One = What did she see
This thought will pop into your ex boyfriends mind due to this part of the text message,
Now, thought two is really kind of clever because it is also human nature to put yourself above all others.
In fact, a few years ago a study was done on email subject lines.
Basically the study wanted to determine what the best email subject line would be.
Guess what it was?
“BAD NEWS…”
People opened up an email with this title because they thought the bad news would be about them.
So, when an ex boyfriend has this thought,
Thought Two- Is it bad?
It is due to this part of the text message,
Making him think that it’s about him.
Understanding these three thoughts that an ex boyfriend will have,
Though One: What did she see?
Thought Two: Is it bad?
Thought Three: I have to find out what it is.
Are important because they are the basis for the shocking opening.
If you can get your ex boyfriend to ask these questions during your own shocking opening text then you will be well on your way.
Of course, our work isn’t over yet.
Substance Middle
The “substance middle” is really where the interesting part of the text comes in.
It’s also directly connects with “determining the interesting type.”
How?
Because the substance of the text is going to depend on the “interesting type” of text that you chose when we started this process.
For example, if you picked the funny text then the substance that you are going to deliver is going to be funny.
If you picked creative then the substance will be creative and so on and so forth.
Now, what do you think I mean by substance?
Examples Of Good Substance
Before I get into this I want to remind you that I am a believer of NOT cramming this into one massive text that you send to your ex. Instead, every box in the graphic below gets it’s own individual text.
(With the exception of the first box.)
Oh, and every text leads into the other.
So, it kind of looks like this,
What I would like to do now is give you an example of what I consider to be good “substance” but in order to do that we are going to have to go back to the last section where I was talking about a shocking opening (since every text kind of bleeds into the next one.)
So, lets just pretend that we are using this text as the shocking opening and you get a response,
What happens next?
Well, now it’s time to add some interesting substance to the mix.
Of course, in order to do that we need to figure out the type of text message you wanted to use.
Remember, I gave you a bunch of examples,
- Funny
- Creative
- Weird
- In Common
Let’s say for the sake of this example that you wanted to use a funny example.
There are two ways to play this.
You can either tell a ridiculous story OR you can add some creativity into the mix and craft a funny video for your ex to watch.
Now, it’s kind of hard for me to give you an example of a funny video so I am going to stick to the ridiculous story but if there was ever a time to think outside the box this would be it.
Remember, the more ridiculous you get with this story the better and no doubt about it the story I just told is absolutely ridiculous.
Now, you may be wondering how the heck I was so detailed with that story.
The truth is that I had a friends dad who actually did tell me that story…. in real life.
Of course, I left out the most horrible part.
He told me he used to chase fat people on the beach IN A TRUCK…
Can you imagine being on the beach, minding your business and all of a sudden a truck comes into view chasing you with a bunch of teenagers with pole vaults?
Now, I think the whole concept of “whale watching” is horrible but even I have a sense of humor and the thought is so ridiculous that it kind of makes me chuckle.
My point is this, the more ridiculous the story the better for the funny texts.
So, that’s substance in a nutshell but there is still one last thing I have to teach you.
And that’s the “leave him wanting more close.”
Leave Him Wanting More Close…
What can I say… I like to lead by example 😉 .
Nesma
November 2, 2024 at 11:11 am
Me and my ex dated for 9 months, he ended things due to saying we were incompatible when it came to religion (we have the same religion) just different levels of strictness. We didn’t have a clean break, he kind of left the possibility of getting back together open, didn’t unfollow me on socials I reached out after 30 days no contact. He did respond neutrally positive, i texted back since he asked a follow up q but then he stopped responding. I then double texted but now I think I’ll have to start NC again
Ana
October 15, 2024 at 2:34 am
Hi Chris. I followed your advice all of this year since March. My ex’s father died in the end of April. In May, we hooked up for the first time and it was the most mind blowing kissing of my life. I didn’t let it go further because he had no invested in us just yet or me. I supported him through the funeral and grief after. Mostly calls and texts. At times, he took his grief out on me with little outburts. I was patient. I sent him a cake on his birthday. He was excited for me to visit our home country for the summer. Then the first night I was in the city he lives in, we met for drinks with friends and he barely paid attention to me then walked me to my hotel. When I refused to welcome him to my room he was angry. I did not see him the rest of summer. I had a great summer, looked hot and did not act upset. I did reach out after but he was cold. He refused to talk about it when I asked for us to have a convo. That was August 9. After that I did not reach out to him. A few times we were in voice chats together with mutual friends and did interact cordially. He spoke to me first both times. Two weeks ago in one of those calls, he made it known he was talking to another woman and i suspect it was to make me jealous I didn’t let it give him a reaction. About a week ago, I knew he was in NYC where I live, and so I decided let me smooth over any ill feelings of the summer so I sent this: “Hey, I saw something that made me think of you so I wanted to say hello. Hope you are having a great visit. Have a safe trip home!” Not the best text but it really was one that I didn’t want him to feel pressure just see that I don’t have a negative feeling towards him. I did not feel jealous, but I did feel hurt that he was trying to make me jealous.
I got no response from that text. I will say that I noticed he has been radio silent on all his socials and has not been in any of the friend voice calls. Not sure whats going on. Busy with work or grief or both. I miss him. We had a great friendship before things went south. We used to talk every day. Calls were often an hour or more.
I do hope he reaches out to me. Even if I don’t get him back romantically. I do want him back in my life. Does this sound like it won’t happen? I hope his anger at being rejected for sleeping together has subsided. He is used to models and gorgeous women falling into bed with him. Due to the way he was treating me in the weeks before I saw him and that night, I decided against it. I don’t regret it but I do hope I meant more to him than that.
White rose
August 14, 2024 at 7:12 am
Hi – i broke up with my long distance boyfriend because he cheated on me and got engaged with someone else, and the woman is not living with him now she is living in another country at the moment. After two months on and off i went no contact for 35 days, then i reached out to him, he didn’t reply, i didn’t send a second message and after 3 days he reached to me and sent me positivie texts and asked me to be back to him, i was nice to him and told him i’ll be back to you but not as long as someone else is in your life and you have to make me sure there’s no one else but me and what will be our future together.
he just said ok. and said nothing, i said nothing either. what should i do ? i really want him back and want him leave his fiancee for me, because it’s been years that i have been in relationship with him. more than that woman. he is mine.
Kim
September 8, 2023 at 9:59 pm
Hi Chris, I purchased your book but my question is I reached out to him twice one week and then the week after still no response. I sent him a link to the meteors because he’s a meteor nerd and all of the stuff that has been going on this last month because of making me think about him. So my question is when I text him do I use that I have a confession to make? Or at this point is that even going to work?
Coach Shaunna
October 1, 2023 at 6:30 pm
Hi Kim, so if you have reached out twice and had no response – I would suggest that you attempt one more reach out before going back into the NC as he is choosing to ignore you. Be sure that you are leaving around 10 days between your RO
Natasha
October 13, 2022 at 9:56 pm
Hi Chris
I need some advice. My ex and I have been broken up for 8 months. I did the limited no contact about 4 months ago because we were working together. I kept the relationship between us positive even though it hurt me not to address our relationship. We started texting after the no contact and things were going well. He started to show that he still cared for me but became distant again.
He has since gotten another job. The last time I texted him I told him that I had forgiven him for his mistakes and apologized for mine. He did not respond. I then proceeded to do another strict 45 day no contact (no texting or seeing him). I sent my reach out text today and received no response. My question is should I give up? Has the period of time that we’ve been broken up too long for there to be any chance of us getting back together? He is an avoidant. I’ve since learnt all about the attachment style and realized I made a lot of mistakes during our relationship. There are things that I wish I did differently. A part of me feels defeated. I need to know if there is hope for my situation or if I should give up on the idea. I am considering joining the program but don’t want to join if there is no possible future or advancement for our situation. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
Coach Shaunna Nicol
December 24, 2022 at 12:41 pm
Hi Natasha, between him being an avoidant and you messaing showing emotion and bringing up his mistakes in the relationship it is expected that he will pull away as he will avoid the discussion. It really is your call when you choose to walk away, after a NR I would suggest to my coaching clients that they decide on a number of times they are willing to reach out and have a NR before the decide that they need to start moving on. I would suggest the same to you, decide if you are willing to try again.
Hilary
April 24, 2022 at 9:19 pm
Hi – please please response I broke up with my ex over a year ago due to him not compromising re an issue we remained in contact now & then over the year . Saw him in the new year he was very affectionate towards me . He is anti vaccine this is 1 big issue for me as family member has long term illness .Gave him ultimatum & no response . He has low self esteem.Offered to help him. Since new year no contact -my family health has deteriorated since . I was so upset I did email him to tell him life is too short & offered to help him in any way . No response . I was very sick with covid recently & I asked him to pray for me he did reply . We both still on what’s app . I am completely heartbroken I’ve done everything in my power to help him
. I have never experienced this before . Please help I’m at tender age 39 felt he was my soulmate
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 26, 2022 at 9:03 pm
Hi Hilary, so the ultimatum is never a good thing for ANY relationship along with trying to force him to do something that he does not want to do to his own body. I would suggest that you take some time following the No Contact period where you give him space and yourself too. Do not reach out or reply to him for at least 30 solid days.
Lil Peter
February 20, 2022 at 2:08 pm
Hi
I’ve been in a relationship for 5/6 years we have taken a break in the relationship before and have came back together but this time we broke up. She kept saying that we didn’t spend enough time together and slept with one of her ex’s and said that if I was checking her she wouldn’t even study him. I blocked her she reached out via email then I unblocked her. We spoke and she said we can stay friends. I didn’t want to and told her that she respected that and I spoke to her on and off till i did the NC in which she reached out a few times and after the nc was over I messaged her with a good luck with her job and she said thanks and I said your welcome. She hasn’t responded back yet. Also, a couple days after breaking up she also started talking to the same ex and is currently in a relationship with him.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 21, 2022 at 10:47 am
Hey Peter, so this is more about what you want to achieve, if you want to get back with her even though she cheated and then moved on with the same person I would suggest that you spend some more time working on yourself and deciding what you want for yourself before reaching out to her again.
Katie
January 2, 2022 at 11:47 am
I have been on and off with this guy for 3 years. We argue because neither want to show our true emotions. I really needed him and he wasn’t their for me, I said some horrible words I didn’t mean. I have since apologised and wished him the best to no response. I am going to do a 30 day no contact rule. But scared in case I don’t get any response at all.
Gemma
March 12, 2021 at 8:57 pm
I dated a guy for 10 months. He broke up with me but sent me a message on my birthday. My birthday was day 30 NC and I had told myself o was going to do 40 days. I didn’t read his message. I reached out to say thanks and followed the plan for first texts. He read it within minutes but I haven’t had a response. It’s been 2 days now.. what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 13, 2021 at 1:57 pm
Hey Gemma, so if you get no reply you give it a few days and try a different reach out method rather than the one you used.
Bomi Daver
February 26, 2021 at 1:44 pm
Great substance.
We had a good thing going….we r both busy professionals, he’s just started a new job and doing courses.
Our main way of keeping in touch.was via txt. Sometimes emojis…. but I got a bit needy and insecure and gave him space only it was a test. The minute he found I was testing him he said that part his heart is now closed and we cant go back to what we have…maybe one day we could be friends…
I did a lot of reflection and realized I was adding to his stress by being needy. So I made changes yeah for REALS… and let him know….still no response. Has he really moved on?
It’s been 2weeks…or does he need his own space?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 17, 2021 at 9:33 pm
Hey Bomi, so no I doubt he has moved on however you “telling” him you’ve made changes is an empty promise when you reach out to tell him, you’ve changed. You need to NC for 30 days and work on yourself in that time, there is no point telling someone that you were needy to, via text, that you’ve changed. As there is no proof in this you need to stick with the program to show him you have worked on yourself, using social media, mutual friends and just allowing him some distance.
Alicia
February 23, 2021 at 3:07 pm
Hi my boyfriend and i were i a good relationship, he call me one day unexpectedly and told me that he doesn’t see a future with me that our personality don’t match, and he canceled all the plans that we have together. He told me that i need to move on and forget about him forever
I try to contact him 10 days later saying how i felt about it. He didn’t respond
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 23, 2021 at 3:51 pm
Hi Alicia, you need to start your no contact period for 30 days and work on yourself in that time. Check out this article a read and use it in your situation – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/i-dont-see-us-getting-back-together-what-does-it-mean/
Mickey
December 29, 2020 at 11:55 pm
Thank you for your response Shaunna. Unfortunately he’s either blocked and completely deleted social media and mutual friends have removed me so can’t really use that. I used a curiosity / hero message before which didn’t work. Latest one was just to say Merry Christmas as he’s overseas for work. No question or anything to reply to as I don’t want to force him to talk. However he’s stubborn and not one to forget things lightly and holds onto negative emotions tbh so I think he’s worked himself up and feels the victim as I ignored him after he broke up with me and maybe is just over it this time so doesn’t care to give me the time of day anymore. The only positive is he’s usually one to fully block and has done previously with me but he’s not blocked my WhatsApp or email despite my attempts. Not sure what to do next as I don’t want to seem desperate and needy as I feel in control of my emotions and patient to wait however I feel like my chances are really diminished and if I do another 30/45 day no contact that’s also not going to work as I’ve left 2-3 week gaps inbetween each attempt already so it won’t phase him to notice that distance. I think he will see me reaching out to him multiple times as purely desperate attempts to get him to respond or try to reconcile.. so I fear it is now going to have the opposite effect and push him away further. Not sure what to do.
Mickey
December 9, 2020 at 11:24 pm
I am really having abit of a situation. I did the 30 days no contact, reached out regarding a series he would enjoy – no response. Left it another 2 weeks, reached out again with a hero / curiosity text – still no response. I think he may still hold some mixed emotions as I ignored him at the start of our break up / NC and knowing him maybe “punishing” me back. Also think he will see through these text attempts in trying to get him to respond and probably wary of my intentions as I did this last time we split (which worked) and got back together. I really don’t know how proceed now?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 23, 2020 at 6:32 pm
Hi Mickey, I would suggest you use social media to show you are doing well – so he can see you are happy in life. And then attempt a damsel in distress type text.
Jemimah
November 11, 2020 at 11:10 am
Chris please reply to me please!!
I started my No Contact (2nd time, i failed the first after 15 days, though he did say he missed me, but ended off with a fight and much tears)
I am currently on day 23 of NC, it ends on 18th November, but my ex has an exam on 18
My question is, will he forget or not miss me because he was studying for his exam? Should i start a whole no contact after his exam?
Also, since my no contact as well as his exam ends on 18th, should i ask him how it went?
Please reply Chris
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 12, 2020 at 6:44 pm
Hi Jemimah, I would suggest that you hold off from reaching out until after the exam is over (19th) onwards as you may be ignored by mistake. Do not ask about the exam, you need to read Chris’ texting articles to guide you on how your first reach out needs to go
Tanya
November 9, 2020 at 2:15 am
Hi
My boyfriend and I broke up oct 12. I agreed with the break up and told him I’ve even thinking about it too (I lied, I still wanted him) and after that I went into no contact immediately. During no contact I stopped liking and viewing his stories on insta. Then I noticed he started posting indirect messages such as “no matter how cold they’ve been, keep your heart warm”. So I posted something indirect too and he liked it although he had stopped liking my posts too. So I did 21 days instead because I thought we had a good chance. I sent him one of Chris’s msgs from ex boyfriend recovery and I got a great response. I made the conversation brief and when I concluded it wishing him well he then took 48 hours to respond! Initially he had responded after one hour.
Then I waited a few days and sent another text, and now it’s been almost 24 hours and I did not recieve a reply. What do you do with delayed responses? Do you go back into no contact after that? I suppose he’s mad at me because of no contact and for making the convo brief? I’m not sure what to do. I confused because I get positive responses and then a delayed one. Not sure what to do with that.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 9, 2020 at 7:57 pm
Hi Tanya, no you do not need to go back into a NC for a delayed response. You plan your second reach out on a new topic
Suria Dewi Samsuri
October 30, 2020 at 4:54 am
I was the dumper. I was in a long distance relationship with this guy for about a year and we have not met each other yet but he already planned to come and see me one day. But due to jealousy and insecurity, plus his attitude that being so defensive and never wanted to explain on the situation, I decided to break up with him. I was in no contact for 2 weeks and sent him a text on the 15th day since we were in a long distance relationship and deep down I still want him back. My text was simple and was about asking for his help but still he does not respond.
Now I was wondering, what went wrong? Our breakup wasn’t too bad at all. But I have to admit I was a little creepy and stalky but there was no harsh words during that breakup. Our last message was simply telling that we were sorry and we are going to miss each other. Only one thing I said to him that I cannot accept the accusation he threw to me.
What should I do next? Would appreciate your advise please.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 30, 2020 at 10:29 am
Hi Suria, so you would need to follow a 30 day No Contact, 15 days is too soon to after the fall out to be willing to have a conversation. This time around, make sure that you follow the No Contact rule properly and work on yourself in that time
Moses
October 16, 2020 at 5:20 pm
My ex broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago, we dated for about 6 weeks and was sweet, harmonized and perfect.
One day we had a tensed call, and asked if we can talk later and that was the last call.
I received a text next morning asking for space and that she needs time for herself to think about us, i agreed and sympathized.
Next day i received aNother text asking to stop this whole relationship, again i didnt push or beg and nag and accepted her wishes.
Spent 2 weeks of no contact and then sent her a text 3 days ago asking how is her work After iphone12 Release as she work is very affected by this event she responded positively and said she was sick the whole week, i sympathized and wished her wellness and closed the conversation.
The next day i tried the curiosity text “good morning, i have something interesting to share with you..” this one is never read or responded to.
I have a few questions:
– did i over do it?
– can i regain the stronger position as i believe now I’m on the opposite side.
– should i redo no contact more firmly this time or is it over (pack my things and go)
– her birthday is in almost 10 days, considering all the above, can i and should i do anything on that day? See, if i did or said anything it will be perceived as a week step and if i didnt then I’m a heartless, grudging person who only wants things his way.
Please help.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 25, 2020 at 9:36 am
Hi Moses, so first off, your No Contact was too short it needs to be 30 days not 14. So you need to restart your NC from day one and not reach out or send her anything on her birthday either. She wanted a break up – give her a break up. You need to follow the program thoroughly for this to work for you
JMA
October 9, 2020 at 11:06 am
This guy I was seeing we’ve been having disagreements all summer, he’s ended it multiple times but we kept texting all summer. We got in a big fight and I did 10 days NC and he replied right away but always says we’ll hang out and doesn’t ever show up. He keeps saying I didn’t do anything and it’s him and he’s stressed, but I said some hurtful things to him and he just decided he’s done. He unfriended me on Facebook but didn’t block me, but he’s only answered maybe 3 out of 100 texts. I did a whole month of NC (but I did reply to one post and send a short apology text for my hurtful words) his birthday was a month after the fight and I texted a million times and he just replied to say he’s been over me for a long time and what’s my agenda. He thinks I reached out to his ex but I have no idea how I would’ve done that. That night I got super drunk and texted and called and commented on all his instagrams. The next morning I blocked him on all social media and the next day after that I sent a text apologizing, saying I would leave him alone and work on my own issues. The second month of NC is up on Monday and I am planning to text him. I was told different advice, some people say casually reach out like the texts in this article and some people said to send a text to clarify that I have been working on myself and am not the same person as the summer while we were fighting. What are the chances of a second entire month of NC working and what would be the best way to reach out in this case?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 16, 2020 at 9:45 pm
Hi JMA, yes a second NC is going to be needed along with some self work to show you are not the same person you were in the summer. Use social media to show you are being positive and happy with your life. And then when you do reach out you need to make sure that you are using Chris’ articles to help you compose messages to your ex to get them interested in talking to you again
Paige
August 17, 2020 at 4:57 pm
Can I still implement no contact if he (the one who broke up with me) ignored my last few messages after his initial reply to me. I sent a hefty amount and apologised for doing so as I just had to get it all off my chest. He hasn’t responded and I believe that’s because he doesn’t know what to say, I’m right, and he’s overwhelmed. I’ve unfollowed him online but he does still follow me and I’m not sure if that’s for the sake of my own feelings or not. We haven’t spoke now in 5/30 days so am I still implementing no contact. I believe he thinks I’ll either try to reach out again or call due to my anxious nature but I’ve really limited myself online in terms of posting anything negative, indirecting or openly letting people know what I’m doing and where. Am I still applicable in the sense of getting them to reach out to me after this period ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 17, 2020 at 10:29 pm
Hi Paige, I am sorry I think you misunderstand the No Contact rule is not to get your ex to reach out to you. It is a set amount of time for you to no speak or see your ex, for you to work on yourself and for your ex to get the impression that you are over them and the break up, living your life happily. You then at the end of your no contact reach out to your ex first. Read some more articles to help you follow the program successfully
Tanz
August 2, 2020 at 3:19 pm
So I asked my complicated relationship bf (who hates me now and I have to always struggle with texting or talking to him), that I need to know something in general, and he said ask, should I continue asking my question or leave him hanging ? If I leave him hanging so for how many days should I leave him hanging ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 3, 2020 at 8:09 pm
Ask your question or you look like you’re playing games