When her boyfriend revealed to her that he wanted to open up the relationship so they could both see and date other people, the first thing Kendra thought was,
“You got to be kidding”.
His reply was,
“No Babe, I just want to keep seeing you and maybe date other girls. It will be good for us. You can see other guys too. It will help us figure out if what we have is for real.“
Unfortunately he was not pulling her leg.
The next thought she had was if the whole thing was a farce.
She felt certain that her boyfriend really didn’t mean what he said.
She knew she was the best thing for him. He had struggled in other relationships where the women in his life were too clingy and demanding.
Kendra had none of those qualities. She was independent and confident in herself and what she wanted in life.
They had hit it off immediately when they first met. He was always telling her how she was his “everything“. So the notion that he wanted to see and date other girls, couldn’t be true, she thought. It didn’t sound like him at all.
But there he stood before her, with this silly, stupid looking expression on his face.
Suddenly, she started connecting all the dots.
All those little comments he recently started making about guys and girls should be free to date whoever they want, came into focus. Those off the wall opinions that
“love affairs are not all bad if the right girl and guy connect”.
Kendra now remembered those times when her boyfriend said these things. Before, it just came off as little innocent comments made in such a way that they hardly sounded disagreeable.
But now she saw through it all. Her boyfriend was actually a bit of a relationship schemer, so it seemed. Or maybe he was having cold feet.
And Kendra was having none of it.
So after she gave him several minutes to offer up his feeble explanation as to why this was such a “great” idea for them as couple and how it will elevate their “trust levels” and eventually prove just how important they are to each other, she gave him a dose of girl power reality.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizUnleashing Your Girl Power
She essentially told her boyfriend that,
“Sure, you are free to see other women and date the ones you think you like. And for that matter you can have sex with them and travel to far away places. You can dance all night and walk every beach in the world. But just know that you have not only lost your mind, but you are losing me forever”.
She came pretty close to an ultimatum, wouldn’t you say!
I can only imagine what some of my other women clients would say to a guy that wanted to run off and party it up with some other girls.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI can hear them now as they sharpen to the attack. I literally can see angry women coming out of the woodwork to crucify their boyfriends if they ever proposed such an arrangement.
For example, I could hear them saying:
“So BOYFRIEND, you want to keep dating me? And you are saying you met another girl? Congratulations and good riddance. You have my permission to carry on with your stupidity. Good luck with your slumming around. Perhaps if your are lucky, you won’t come down with any diseases. NOW, GET OUT OF MY FACE!”
Or something like….
So you really want to meet up and connect with some new women. Just know this. As soon as you get your new little girlfriend, I am going to rain on your party. She is going to know all about your history and what an idiot your truly are. And by the way. Yes, I think I will be seeing and dating other men because we are FINISHED!”
That is some pretty rough language!
And if you are in such a situation, I would imagine such thoughts would be on the very tip of your tongue.
I won’t go quite a far as suggesting you should slime your boyfriend with what he probably richly deserves. But as you read on, you will discover that I am not going to advise you take this development lightly.
So let’s take a closer look at this whole problem.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIf Your Boyfriend Dates Other Girls Can It Really Help Your Relationship?
It is not often you get a boyfriend who attempts to construct a new paradigm in dating.
I can’t say it is like “friends with benefits” because I don’t know of any women who would be willing to put up with an open relationship such that they would allow their boyfriend to hook up with other girls.
When you got a guy coming up to you saying he wants to date other girls, but he still considers the two of you a couple, we got a big problem.
We got us a big disconnect on the meaning of a healthy relationship.
Your boyfriend or whatever you wish to call him, is in serious need of a reality check.
As I said, I know of no woman who would be willing to go along with her boyfriend’s insistence he should be free to date other women.
Ashley, who is my Senior Writer, wrote a great article about boyfriends that have a narcissistic streak.
To say the least, if your guy thinks he can get away with trying to keep the romance alive with you, while at the same time pursuing other women, he truly is a deeply troubled guy. I know you are not going to put up with such shenanigans, nor should you let him off the leash.
When a guy reveals his intentions by uttering the line, “I want to date another girl“, trust me, Pandora’s box just flew wide open.
Nothing good will come of it.
When a guy talks like this, it is usually code for either he wants to break up with you. Or, he hopes to have you available, but at the same time play the field. But that is not the only thing it could be. He might just be suffering from a temporary bout of idiocy! Then again, your boyfriend might just be afraid of commitment.
Whatever it driving his behavior, it adds up a situation where your boyfriend proverbially “wants his cake and eat it to“.
Your boyfriend might roll it out there to you in a very nonchalant and seemingly innocent way. He might say something like, “Sweetheart, an old friend has come to town and reached out to me. I think I am going to take then out for drinks and just hang”.
Yea, right! I am not buying it and nor should you. An “old girlfriend” can quickly turn into a one night stand or a continuous series of meetups, or worse.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOr he might try to use some manipulative reverse psychology. He might say something like, “Hey honey, I know you enjoy dancing and you know I am just not into that. If you want to take out a friend for some fun dancing, I really wouldn’t mind”. In such a scenario, he might be hoping you will go out for a night on the town while he sneaks out to see his other little Honey. It is kind of a double win for him because he can run around a bit and also relieve his guilt at the same time.
Yes, guys can be just as devious as women.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be pointing fingers or questioning anyone’s honor. I just want everyone out there whose boyfriend is proposing this idea of an “open relationship” to realize it is usually going to lead to very bad outcomes. And if your boyfriend is so motivated to pursue such an idea, he may very well stoop to being devious and manipulative to get his way.
Now maybe there are some progressive thinking people out there who think such an arrangement could work.
Sorry, I am not one of them.
Maybe you think that if you cling to your boyfriend too tightly you might drive him away in the long run. Well, that might be true in most conventional relationships. But in a case where your boyfriend wants to see another girl, then my retort is “Hell no! There is a dividing line that should exist between things that are acceptable to do within a relationship.
There are certain acts within a relationship that should be considered off limits or undoable. This is one of them.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHas There Ever Been A Time When Guys Got Away With Dating Other Women?
Sure, it happens more often than you think.
Boyfriends are always sneaking around seeing other girls. Their old flame may give him a call. Or he might see her somewhere and they start talking and one things leads to another and they start hanging out. Your boyfriend might try to rationalize it as purely innocent and might think to himself that he is just being nice and friendly. “After all“, he might reason, “why can’t I enjoy myself”. “It is not like I am climbing right into bed, with my old girlfriend”, he will rationalize.
Guys lie to themselves all the time. We all do.
One part of your boyfriend’s brain may be attracted to the girl he sees in front of him. He will fill the urge to want to spend time with her. That is the sex urges talking to him. He might want to impress her. That is the ego talking to him. Most guys move on from those feelings. They don’t succumb to these notions because the larger part of their mind that controls them knows that you are best for them.
But that is not the case for all men.
Another part of a boyfriend’s mind feels a bit guilty, so he will seek out some kind of passive permission from you. He might pretend that you wouldn’t mind. That is the part of his mind that is lying to himself. So he just simply doesn’t ever mention anything to you. He figures, he is doing you a favor.
Or he might just mention it in passing, like it is not a big thing. But it is a big thing. Boyfriends and girlfriends can screw up royally when it comes to intermingling feelings of attraction for two different people. It can them to get confused about their own feelings.
I really don’t believe the desire to hang out or date other girls is ever something boyfriends do willy nilly. It is usually something they think of doing because of some underlying issue. They may be scared. They may be immature or impulsive. It could be they are exceptional selfish and self centered. It is possible the boyfriend is unhappy with the relationship and is subconsciously looking for a way to break it off.
This kind of arrangement, even when agreed upon by the parties involved, usually leads to troubled times.
Just imagine all of chaos
The Good Old Days of Lovers Galore
Way back in the day (like the 1960s) there was quite a bit of experimentation with the concept of open relationships, free and inhibited sex between multiple partners, and communal living. Young teenagers and college kids alike explored the give and take of open romantic relationships. I really don’t know of any documented cases of these kinds of relationships really working.
I mean, imagine having a boyfriend who you share everything with. You depend on him for emotional support on those difficult days. You are friends and lovers. You share secrets and embrace every opportunity to do things together that you both love. Now turn this little love nest upside down by introducing the “other girl”.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizImagine throwing this other girl into the mix. Now we have this “other” woman who your boyfriend confesses he “loves” and is intimate with.
The whole idea just seems so idiotic given all the pitfalls. But as I have learned long ago, there are many relationship and breakup stories out there involving all kinds of situations.
So if your guy seems to be trying to redefine the meaning of what a relationship and “couple” truly means, you have some work ahead of you.
When Kendra reached out to me for advice, I was happy to help. After all, it is not everyday I can help a young woman slap some good sense into her boyfriend. At least, that was my hope when I first heard about her situation.
I really didn’t know what was driving her boyfriend’s motivation to even propose such a thing.
Was he truly so in to himself that he thought he could get away with such a bizarre dating proposition?
Was he simply naive in the way of how to establish and maintain a mature relationship with a girlfriend?
I soon found out that Kendra could use a lot of help in making a very important decision.
What Could Your Boyfriend Really Be Thinking?
So let’s get real with what might be going on in the mind of your boyfriend.
I am going to give you the top five possible reasons why your boyfriend wants to change the dynamics of the relationship.
In actuality, it could be a lot things that is driving your boyfriend to conjure up such notions. Let’s explore them briefly, then we will talk about what you should do and say if your boyfriend should ever reveal to you his secret intentions.
So are your ready! Here you go. These are the top reasons why your boyfriend wants your permission to date other women.
- Your boyfriend an idiot. Yes, I am sorry to report to you that some boyfriends are simply idiots and will say and do some of the most stupid things. Fortunately for you, his idiocy in this matter is usually a temporary condition. He might think that it makes some sense in his mind and just blurt it out. After all, it sounded and looked good in his brain when he conjured up the notion. But as soon as your boyfriend start talking about it out loud with you and hears his own words and sees the expression on your face, he will quickly realize that he is a total fool. In these situations, your boyfriend can’t take back the words fast enough as he contorts and squirms his way through trying to separate what he actually said from what he now actually thinks. He will have an epiphany. At that moment, your boyfriend will realize that it was idiotic to even think that way. Of course, sometimes you get these guys who know deep inside that what they propose is really stupid, but since they blurted it out, they feel compelled to at least make an effort to defend their thoughts. It is always a losing battle and they know it. These kind of guys are super idiots. They are probably even a bigger fool because they spend so much time defending the absurd idea. But remember, the idiocy in your boyfriend is usually a temporary condition. He will soon enough come back to reality.
- Your boyfriend is dissatisfied in the relationship. This is not an unusual occurrence. It happens between couples and does not always lead to a breakup. Hopefully, you and your boyfriend can work through the issues. But when your boyfriend suggests that the two of your should be “free” to date other people, it usually indicates he is unhappy and is afraid to tell you that. It may take a while to get to this “truth”. So don’t be surprised if he continues to avoid talking about the real reason why he wants this new arrangement.
- Your boyfriend is narcissistic and selfish. Unfortunately, there are a certain number of guys out there who just want it all. They are never quite satisfied with the relationship they have. They can’t understand how painful it would be for you if they had another women on the side. They might not even care. They may pat themselves on their back for you telling you what they really want. Because a guy like this is so “in to himself” he cannot even process how dating other girls can cause his girlfriend to feel betrayed and worthless. This is usually the worst boyfriend a girl can have. When a guy demonstrates over time that he just wants to run around and play the field and is so conceited and insensitive that he does it in his girlfriend’s full view, you can bank on things not working out.
- Your boyfriend has been tempted. It often doesn’t take a lot to get your boyfriend to feel attracted to another girl. This other girl that he might have seen or spoken to may be less beautiful, less sexy, and far less the Ungettable Girl that you are, but nonetheless your boyfriend (like most men) will have certain urges acting upon him. This is just the way men are wired. Now, that does not mean they are going to jump into the sack with every woman at the first opportunity. But given the right circumstances, your boyfriend could fall prey to the temptations of another girl. This other girl could be quite the seductress. So when you combine momentary stupidity, some guilt, and a good amount of sexual desire, your boyfriend could get carried away with the notion that it would be OK to see this other girl. All he has to do, in his senseless mind, is overcome your objection.
- Your boyfriend is afraid of commitment. Some guys are commitment phobic. Just when things seem to be going well and a strong bond and connection begins to form, your boyfriend can succumb to his doubts and fears. He could have fears of losing his independence. His friends could be making comments about him losing his bachelor status, which in turn creates doubts. He may start overthinking his situation and lose sight of what is best for him. Such thoughts can act upon his subconscious and create a wedge between the part of him that wants you in his life and another part that is afraid and unsure of the future. From all these conflicting feelings and emotions swimming around in his mind, he might get confused about what is best. He might lose perspective. While he is in this brain cloud, he might convince himself that he needs to keep his options open. While your boyfriend may be in denial about what is in his best interest, he won’t realize it in that moment.
What Do You Say To Your Boyfriend if He Wants to Hook Up With Another Girl?
For starters, you can tell him he so full of sh** that he can go…..
Ok! You get the picture. As you can see, I have zero tolerance for this kind of proposition your boyfriend could make.
And so should you.
But exactly how should you handle the situation if it should ever happen to you? You don’t want to just come unglued and blow up in his face. Well, on second thought, that might not be such a bad idea for certain narcissistic boyfriends who are suffering from a big dose of “jerk”.
But if this kind of crazy talk from your boyfriend should ever arise, there are some practical things you should consider saying and doing.
Let start with the case of the foolish, somewhat idiotic boyfriend. I have some specific ideas on how you should handle this situation if it should ever crop up. For that matter, my advice also applies to the boyfriends who have succumb to temptation or are maybe unsatisfied with with the relationship.
By the way, just for clarification sake, I am not saying your boyfriend is a fool or an idiot or a guy who is easily tempted. Nor am I saying he does not want to be with you.
That is the thing you will have to wrestle with.
It is going to be unclear what is going on until your probe. Though I will say that in a lot of these kinds of situations, it is immaturity or fear that causes a boyfriend to latch on to such an absurd idea.
As I explained above, sometimes a guy’s mind can come unraveled. Fear of commitment can drive them to do and say certain stupid things. A certain crazy idea can get lodged in his brain. It does not necessarily mean he is not “boyfriend material“.
But he may need a wake up call. Sometimes the fear of losing something (i.e. you) outweighs whatever fears are driving a guy to push his girlfriend away.
How To Set Your Boyfriend Straight
So he needs to know immediately that what he has said and is proposing is so ridiculous and absurd, that such a thing is a no starter.
Your boyfriend needs to understand in clear language that in no way would you tolerate such a dating arrangement and that you would NEVER be involved in a relationship in which the man thinks he can fulfill his romantic or sexual interests on the side, if he so desires.
He must know you would never sale yourself short.
But moreover, your boyfriend needs to be held accountable for thinking and talking this way.
I am not saying you should be looking to punish him or that you need to be mean and cruel in your treatment of him. But rather, you need to get to the bottom of why he thinks this way.
Challenge him to lay his cards on the table. Make it clear in no uncertain terms that if the two of your are going to “work” he needs to come clean with the truth.
Tell him that you are shaken and disturbed that he would even think that you would be open to such a possibility. If your boyfriend cannot adequately explain what possessed him to suggest such a ridiculous idea, then I would recommend you tell him that you believe it is best that the two of you take a “time out”.
Explain to him that you want the relationship to work, but you are not convinced he is 100% committed. Tell him you want him to use the time to think about what he really wants. Set up a time to meet with him again in a week to discuss the path forward.
Some women will balk at the notion of taking some time away from their boyfriend.
They may fear that their boyfriend may construe the action as being pushed away. But the opposite is the truth. You would be doing your boyfriend a favor by insisting he takes the time to get in touch with his feelings.
Your reaction will reinforce to your boyfriend that you are serious about the relationship and that you are deeply hurt by his words. If your boyfriend wants to bail out of the relationship, then give him the opportunity.
It may sound like a risky proposition, but given the circumstances, it is better to head off trouble sooner than later. If your guy has a problem with what the two of you have created, then you want him to put it on the table. The truth, however painful it may be, is better to deal with than the agonizing uncertainty of whether your guy is committed.
Now, if you are in the unfortunate position of having to deal with a narcassistic boyfriend who thinks he can have everything his way, then your are better off just cutting off ties.
Usually narcissism can run deep.
If your boyfriend’s selfishness has been a recurring problem during the relationship, then you shouldn’t expect that he will be suddenly cured of his self centered ways.
So cut your losses and move on.
Otherwise, you will likely be hurt over and over again.
Franak
August 13, 2021 at 12:57 am
Thanks for the explanation on all different types.
It helped me how todeal with this problem.
Thanks again
Regards
Anne
May 27, 2020 at 11:10 pm
Hi,
So similar topic but not exactly the same situation. My ex broke up with me with no warning last winter. Six months went by and he contacted me three weeks ago after NC. After hours of talking he admitted he still is in love with me. He went on a few dates and couldn’t stop thinking how it wasn’t me he was with. He apologized for everything he did (I’ve never seen him more sincere after being together for three years). After talking through it with his family he asked if we could be friends. He wants to have us both see other people while building up a friendship and seeing where things go from there. To build a new foundation on fresh slate. We’ve both agreed to this. At the time I was seeing someone, it didn’t work out. He encouraged me to figure out whether I liked him and was supportive when I decided to end it for personal reasons. Now he’s seeing going out on a first date with someone and I’m scared to death that he’ll like her. We’re not in a relationship other than friendship, I know that and many people say this is strange since we love each other but are dating others.
For context the breakup occurred because both of us weren’t communicating very well at the end of our relationship and due to mental health issues for both of us (PTSD and anxiety related).
Is this a completely crazy idea? I think it could work because we are making an educated decision whether we truly love each other by making sure it’s not just stirring feelings from first love (which it was for both of us, we were both 22 when we met and it was a whirlwind relationship). So far we have established rules and each time we meet up we talk more about the relationship and what we need to work on individually and with each other.
Sarah
May 7, 2020 at 3:05 pm
Hi
My bf and I have been together 7 years. We did long distance for the first time this year due to his work. After 3 months apart I found out he cheated on me with another girl. At first I said if it’s a mistake I can tolerate it. We took a week to think and he called me saying he is seeing this girl but he doesn’t want to break up with me. He said he just wants to know what it’s like to be with other People because I’m his first serious gf.
He promised we would get back together after 3 months. And in my desperation I asked him to promise he will come back to our relationship at the end of this three months seeing this other girl.
Now I’m questioning if I’m doing the right thing. I do want to be with him because in my mind we have a great relationship.
What should I be doing if I want him back? (We can’t see each other for another 3 months due to coronovirus)
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 13, 2020 at 12:20 pm
Hi Sarah, so your ex has openly told you he wants to test the waters with the new person to see if the grass is actually greener, but also asked you to sit on the side line and wait for him for three months. I suggest you do the same as he is and start talking to other guys, you then you can see how others would treat you. It is your call if you want to try and get him back but you need to start with a 45 day NC working on yourself and ignoring your ex completely. And then reach out after 45 days with the being there method. Do some research and make sure you full understand the being there method before you start reaching out to him
Ztir
May 10, 2019 at 4:58 pm
Good day
I am a Libra woman, I was meet my boyfriend in social media through online gaming he sent me a message through my private contact and I didn’t accept easy he was waiting for three months before I replied him back. On that time that I was replying he was surprised then he messaged me back too until we continue talking 24 hours 36 hours unlimited talking through phone, message and video call. We have lots of time to knowing each other, we are very open for talking everything that we experienced in life sharing knowledge, sometimes sharing sadness and life we cry both to, we laughed both joking etc. Until he said he love me I do to love him also and I accept him to be my boyfriend and answering back I love you too. We build more strong our relationship, even when we are down in life to each other we have our support to each other, advice to each other until we reach 3 years in our relationship, we are satisfied and no jealousy in our relationship because I have trust in him. We are happy to each other our day it’s not completely without communication to each other. Until one day he said if I meet another woman I will tell you and if you want also to meet another man just also tell me. I noticed he changed not just like before only his time with me his priority is with me. I confront him and I started jealous all time we argue lots he blocked me though facebook but after a few hours he unblocked me and he asked apologize that he can’t do this again many times he doing this everytime we both arguing but still always unblock me after his anger gone and ask apologize to me.. One time he said now that you got jealous all time I WIll make you as a silly female jealous. Then after a week’s agoo he said I have a co worker she single and always messaging me all time. She was asking about date at first he ignored but for the second time around that we got argue on his birthday just like he blame me that I have boyfriend but he have plan to having date of her Co worker. He go in her home of her Co worker at that night and that night the girl propose that can you become my boyfriend and then this stupid bf of mine he grab and officially on that night they become bf and gf. And in that night they have sex for three to four times. I feel too much hurt I don’t know what to do on that morning instead Im going on my work I only noticed that I was on church praying and crying asking what I have to do to god.. I was upset, I’m down, I’m hurting, I’m died super pain not only emotional even physical. Then until right now one moths 1 week of their relationship, her gf always contact him everytime through phone and invite her in her big and beautiful house. But still he always told me that I stay in his life because he want me to be her future wife. I always asked him did you love her and he said I only like her. But your my love and I care a lot of you. He don’t like that I leave him and want me to stay in his life. Because he told me that all of her girlfriend only having a short term relationships and I am the long term relationship that we have. I challenge him one time that I can find also a new bf who really care and deserve for my time. And he trying to say that I care a lot of you. And in that sounds just like he don’t want that I found another guy.. He fell hurt I know that and he said you drive me crazy you know that.. You know that your my love don’t be stubborn he told me. But still going in her new gf every weekend spending time both of them. I’m hurting but I’m trying to find ways to not isolate my pain to him. I have exercised and doing something busy at work. But please I need your asap advice for me I love him so much but he having sex with other girl. I need your asap councelling on my inner optional pain.. Thank you so much and god bless
Jennifer Dill
October 19, 2018 at 7:08 pm
So my boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me back in June. Three weeks after the breakup he started dating his ex wife of 9 years. The had a bad falling out when they divorced and she betrayed his trust in many ways. She begged and pleaded to him that she changed and wanted another chance and he agreed. I completed a full no contact right after the breakup and this all occured during the no contact period. Now it is October (4 months later) and they are still together. Since finishing the no contact I have been in communication with him on and off. He had three fights with her since and each time she came crawling back and he accepted. Claims he doesn’t trust her but trusts me more. He said she has displayed alot of change so far and isn’t creating the drama she used to. He keeps telling me how special I am to him and that he loves me. He said the ex wife wants to be a couple with him and he is ok with it. However he still wants to see me too but not sure if there will be a future with us. I completed a no contact months ago, did the being there method, I have gone on other dates with guys and the moving on without moving on method. I still want to get him back from her and a commitment from him. He is the love of my life and I lost my virginity to him and we have a special bond. What do you think I should do at this point?
Chris Seiter
October 19, 2018 at 10:36 pm
Hi Jennifer!
3 years of knowing each other is always a plus because that build in some roots and can create opportunities in the future. It seems your ex is caught up in not knowing what he really wants. The Being There method is probably the most pragmatic thing you can do considering the situation.
Karmen
April 8, 2018 at 10:35 pm
Sooo my situation is a combination of a couple. I’m pregnant and used no contact and that process to get back w/ my bf. The issue is, during that time, my bf was in a situation where he had to move and his family wouldn’t help. We weren’t speaking and a friend of his was also about to move. During the move, they went from friends, to roommates, to dating. He says he loves her because she was there for him when no one else was (as if in our couple of years together, I wasn’t. The reason we weren’t talking during no contact is bc he was really hurtful and inappropriately talking to another girl after I told him I was pregnant). We went to therapy in which he told the therapist he’s in a relationship w/ his roommate, but he waited until after we left to tell me he still considers us to be in a relationship too. His family’s religion is open to polygamy so it’s not weird for them, but he has no intention on practicing the religion at all. I met the other girl, more so because if she’s going to be around it means she’ll be around my baby. I stupidly said I may consider it, but since then have made it clear that the only 3 ppl that will be in our family are him, myself, and our child. The other girl also said she was open to it, but she’s been very petty, aggressive, and immature with me in which it was later revealed that she’s not okay with it either. He’s in the process of looking for a house which means they wouldn’t live together, but when I asked him how he sees this working, he seriously said that he guesses he’d visit between our 2 homes. I know when I initially told him I was pregnant his reaction was awful and basically boiled down to him not feeling ready, but this is just getting worse. I want our child to have their father in their life, but I’m getting frustrated because he is still trying to interact with me romantically. I told him that the only way we can be together is if it’s just us, but I honestly don’t see him cutting off ties with the other girl or her even going away if he tries to without putting up a fight. It’s a mess and I’m just trying to focus on being sane, happy, and emotionally stable during my pregnancy. I told him if we’re only going to be parents, he needs to leave me alone so I can work on moving on before the baby gets here. I’m at a place where I’m struggling to figure out what’s going to be best for my child, but also for me, and if those are the same things. I just want a healthy environment and experience for my child, and I know my happiness is also important in that. I’ve made it clear that there will never be a 3 of us (with her) if he and I are going to move forward, and he’s still calling and texting me (but obviously with them living together, she’s not far). I haven’t responded to him since yesterday, so I’m trying to determine what I should do. Idk if he’s a narcissist, has committiment issues, is an idiot, or all of the above to be honest. I just want the best for myself and my child and I’m not sure if I should even be talking to him at this point (the therapist told us parenting doesn’t start until birth, so we technically don’t have to talk until then, but our baby shower is coming up). Not sure what to do, if anything is salvageable or even worth saving. HELP!
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:29 am
I am glad you are sticking to your guns. 3 is a crowd in the romance department and if you don’t feel he can commit himself, then you have other options. Keep the focus on you and your baby. He knows the score and what he needs to do.
Julianna
March 14, 2018 at 12:28 pm
My boyfriend didn’t tell me he wanted to date other women, he told me was dating another woman already and it was going on for MONTHS. He said he believed it was possible to like/love more than 1 person at a time and he didn’t want us to break up. Needless to say I told him off and it’s over but WTFFFF. Now that I look the whole situation over I think he might have been seeing someone else all along and just said it was a few months to “soften” the blow. Idiot!! He had no idea why I was upset, hurt, and ended things.
Sarah
January 11, 2018 at 3:05 am
Hi, I have been dating a guy for 5 months. We’ve met some of eachothers friends and even went on holiday together. I felt like recently we were getting closer to eachother. But we met on a dating app and I’ve been aware he’s been active on it the whole time. Last week I asked him in person about it and told him that it upsets me, so he took it down. But today I found out he created a new profile. I asked him about it by message, I was quite upset, and he says that he would like to see other girls. That he still likes me a lot, but he’s looking for something else and he doesn’t know what it is. That he doesn’t want to hurt to me. If I hadn’t confronted him about it, I don’t think he would have told me and we would still be together. I haven’t replied to his last message. I don’t know what to do. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 11, 2018 at 7:25 pm
Hi Sarah,
if you hadn’t confronted him about, he would still have his old profile and keep on talking to other girls.
veronica
October 6, 2017 at 12:28 pm
hello, my fiancee and i are having problem in our relationship. A problem always seems to come up whenever our wedding date is soon. The wedding was delayed several times. The wedding date now is mid november. in september everything was fine and loving and then suddenly one day he got distant and didn’t answer my calls and then he said he’s angry of me and he’s had it. He said i did something but didn’t want to say what it is. Since then, he has been willing to leave. I begged for him to stay. We got a break for a week during which he started seeing a girl. We got back together and i was hurt for this. we became better. but then he told me he’s travelling for the weekend with a large group and that the girl is coming.he planned it when we weren’t together. he said that he convinced many people to go including the girl so he couldn’t bail out. i told him why didn’t u tell me to come. he asked me if it’s possible. but i couldn’t go. we met and he asked me again later that day but i couldn’t go. i was nagging with him for going out with her again. i was upset and not loving or cheerful or anything. it was unbearable between us that day. he called me to tell me not to be sad and we’re fine and we’re still together but he’s not able to act normal with me again. He said he needed that time to be with friends to be better and sort things out. this travel is for 3 days. he said we won’t be talking during this time.but it’s not a break and we’re good and everything.he told me not to think about what he’s doing and jealousy and only to think about where our relationship is going. and to pray that our relationship goes well. i asked him not to go but he said he wanted to. i’m hurt. i still love him. he travelled already and i don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 8, 2017 at 9:17 pm
Hi Veronica,
Did he arrange that trip? If he did, . And he asked the other girl but not you, don’t you think that’s very inaapropriate?
Erica
May 18, 2017 at 1:40 pm
Hello,
It is a long store but my BF and me broke up last year and I did No Contact..it went well. After it he was happy to hear from me and he was asking if I want to go for a coffee with him. I was really excited about this. It happened in March. We sent messages once in a while after NC. I wanted to move forward slowly. Then a few weeks later (in April) I found out that he is seeing another girl. I understood they got to know each other during March. I heard rumors from other sources about this thing that is going on with them. Later in April I asked him what is going on with him and the other girl (My mistake!!! ) and I told him I still like him a lot and I don’t want to do this conversation with him. the situation was awkward. After this conversation I haven’t been in touch with him. A week after that conversation I dumped into him. It was the beginning of May.. he was so mean to me. Treated me so badly.. lies and more lies. His behavior was so… nasty. I decided I remove him totally from social Media. I have him on Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat. I actually didn’t get to block him even I wanted to because we have mutual friends.
I happened to dump into him yesterday again as I was meeting our mutual friend. I was sure i don’t meet him. He came with this another girl and she had to leave a quite soon. He was really nice to me this time (last time we met over 2 weeks ago). But then he started telling lies that he dumped into her suddenly. Even I can be sure they were hanging longer time together. I am sure she is spending lots of time at his place. He also told other lies that he was at the new cinema last week with an old friend… and another lie was he was with our another mutual friend at the new pizza restaurant. I don’t understand why can’t he say that he is seriously hanging with this another girl. It hurts me more to hear his lies than that he tells me that he is with this another girl.
I want to tell him that his lies hurt me badly. But I don’t want to mess anything as we have mutual friends and I am sure that he had talked with them. I don’t know what to do… why does he lie to me?? Can I tell him that he hurts me all the time by his lies? Somehow we have to stay friends even I don’t accept his behavior towards me.
I also have thought if I do another NO CONTACT period… does it work? And then trying to get him back.
Please help me..I am hopeless as this guy was the love of my life.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2017 at 9:46 pm
how did you know that those were lies? If he is indeed lying, it’s probably because he wants to avoid drama with you because he knows you still have feelings for him.. and also, you can’t be friends with somebody that does something you don’t like..it’s like you want that person to fit in your standards when in the first place they don’t.. you have to walk away from that.. If they want to be your friend, they have to change, but that will be their decision.
HP
April 12, 2017 at 5:57 am
I’m in no contact period with him. He’s been dating the other girl for 1 year without letting me know. He’s a pretty good liar. She got abbortion with him. And me too !!! I knew it after breakup with him for 2 weeks. He got me pills. He said I’m better than her in every way. I’m prettier , smatter, better in bed , etc. But he can’t broke up with the other girl . Cause she’s too crazy and clingy and they are neighbour. I’m not in the same city with him. I begged him to stay. We met for a last date. We had sex . It was the best day ever ! He treated me like princess. After 3 days I cut him off. Cause he still can’t decide between me and the other girl.
On 3rd day I called him and cried. I told him that I’ll be waiting for him and I’ll call him anytime. He said he’ll comback to me but not now . He’ll take his time to be a good person. I cut him again and today is the 5th day of no contact. What should I do now. He called me on 3rd day but I didn’t pick up. He said he loves me but he pitty the other girl.
He begged me and called me crying and promise me to see before he going aboard. But he still can’t decide. And I’m not ready to be with him now. Should I wait till he becomes a good person ? Is it possible ? Please reply my comment . I’ve been visiting this site for nearly 20 times a day !!
You guys are the only hope for me ..
HP
April 16, 2017 at 8:20 am
Thank you Ms. Amor. I admit that I didn’t have standards for my bf.Actually I didn’t even know that love should have standards. Your answer gave me a light. I met him on facebook and it was right after my first break up. It’s a kind of rebound. But we last 2.4 years. Anyway now I know that I shouldn’t wait him. Yes, I’ll move on. Thank you so much Ms. Amor .
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 16, 2017 at 3:21 pm
Youre welcome… Don’t worry, you’ll find the right time
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2017 at 6:11 pm
you can’t wait for somebody to change, and you can’t do things like nc to somehow make them change because you can’t control other people. That’s why you need to have standards.. If they change good, if they’re not the person within your standards, walk away.
Jam
April 9, 2017 at 3:16 am
PLEASE HELP AND REPLY TO ME 🙁 Dont delete my comment
My bf decided to have a breakup this Wednesday, we are almost turning 1 year this April 19. He said the reason for breaking up is, he wants space and he wants us to improve ourselves. He also said that he is getting tired of our relationship. But before our breakup, he is not answering my calls and is not replying to my text messages and fb messages. By that time, i have this strong feeling, that he’s cheating on me with another girl.
So, this Wednesday, I confronted him. I forced him to open up his phone, and I forcedly get his phone, I went to their bathroom, checked his inbox and call logs, and I am correct, he’s cheating on me. They’ve been texting and calling each other, before we even break up. I hid the phone inside my bag. Went directly to him, I hit him, threw my shoes, punched out of anger. I shoutedly asked him what’s her name. He shouted and forced me to give his phone back. We hurted each other physically.
After we got tired, we calmed. That’s when he finally said that he doesnt love me anymore. I begged for him. I cried endlessly. I told him that please dont let this relationship end. I cant face the truth. I cried desperately for him, said things, “I cant live without” “I love you with all my life” and stuffs like that. He said that he doesnt love that girl he is texting and calling. He said the problem is him, he wants to be alone. He only wants to be alone and nobody but him. I told him that, “If that’s true then why would even bother to find another girl to text and call.”
But then, he said that I’m immatured, I stopped, and think about what he said to me, I realized that maybe he is right. That’s where I gave up, begging for him. I decided to finally give his phone back, because of the fight, my lotion scattered inside my bag, phone got some lotion too. So i took it out, wipes all the lotion while crying but in a calm manner telling him, “Maybe in my actions, yes, im quite immature, but the way you played with my feelings, even though you know that I’m seriously loving you, i dont who’s more immature.” I calmly handed his phone back to him. I also told him while tying my shoes, and crying, getting ready to leave, I am sitting on his bed, “I never knew that’s what you think about me.” “If being immature is loving someone with all my heart, i’d be forever immature.” He’s just sitting there, looking at me. So I stood up, after i tied my shoes, picked up my bag and jacket beside him, as im turning my back ready to get out of his room, he pulled me, I thought he was going to hit me again but then, he kissed me on my lips. I was shocked. I dont what to feel. His look on his face, is like he’s about to cry. But I ignored him, and I quickly went out of his room crying. I just cant accept what happened us.
I unfriended him as soon as i got home. Removed our nickname on Messenger, deleted him on my contacts, because I dont want to make the same mistake of bombarding him with phone calls and text messages. Now, im currently doing the NC rule for 4days. Im finding ways to improve myself. I realized that I think that Im the reason why this break up happened. Do you think that he will come back to me after I improved myself? How will he know that I’ve improved if I unfriended him on Facebook, he can no longer see my future posts. How will I contact him after the NC rule, if i deleted his phone number? And what should I say after the NC rule? Please help me, it’s only been 4days since our breakup, and im panicking what if he doesnt contact me, how am i going to contact him? How will i show him that improved myself?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 2:49 pm
Hi Jam,
there’s no guarantee that it will work but you have to put yourself first.. make your posts public and if you’re friends in other social media accounts, you can use that for first contact. check the links below too:
The Ungettable Girl
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Jam
April 8, 2017 at 1:30 pm
My bf decided to have a breakup this Wednesday, we are almost turning 1 year this April 19. He said the reason for breaking up is, he wants space and he wants us to improve ourselves. He also said that he is getting tired of our relationship. But before our breakup, he is not answering my calls and is not replying to my text messages and fb messages. By that time, i have this strong feeling, that he’s cheating on me with another girl.
So, this Wednesday, I confronted him. I forced him to open up his phone, and I forcedly get his phone, I went to their bathroom, checked his inbox and call logs, and I am correct, he’s cheating on me. They’ve been texting and calling each other, before we even break up. I hid the phone inside my bag. Went directly to him, I hit him, threw my shoes, punched out of anger. I shoutedly asked him what’s her name. He shouted and forced me to give his phone back. We hurted each other physically.
After we got tired, we calmed. That’s when he finally said that he doesnt love me anymore. I begged for him. I cried endlessly. I told him that please dont let this relationship end. I cant face the truth. I cried desperately for him, said things, “I cant live without” “I love you with all my life” and stuffs like that. He said that he doesnt love that girl he is texting and calling. He said the problem is him, he wants to be alone. He only wants to be alone and nobody but him. I told him that, “If that’s true then why would even bother to find another girl to text and call.”
But then, he said that I’m immatured, I stopped, and think about what he said to me, I realized that maybe he is right. That’s where I gave up, begging for him. I decided to finally give his phone back, because of the fight, my lotion scattered inside my bag, phone got some lotion too. So i took it out, wipes all the lotion while crying but in a calm manner telling him, “Maybe in my actions, yes, im quite immature, but the way you played with my feelings, even though you know that I’m seriously loving you, i dont who’s more immature.” I calmly handed his phone back to him. I also told him while tying my shoes, and crying, getting ready to leave, I am sitting on his bed, “I never knew that’s what you think about me.” “If being immature is loving someone with all my heart, i’d be forever immature.” He’s just sitting there, looking at me. So I stood up, after i tied my shoes, picked up my bag and jacket beside him, as im turning my back ready to get out of his room, he pulled me, I thought he was going to hit me again but then, he kissed me on my lips. I was shocked. I dont what to feel. His look on his face, is like he’s about to cry. But I ignored him, and I quickly went out of his room crying. I just cant accept what happened us.
I unfriended him as soon as i got home. Removed our nickname on Messenger, deleted him on my contacts, because I dont want to make the same mistake of bombarding him with phone calls and text messages. Now, im currently doing the NC rule for 3days. Im finding ways to improve myself. I realized that I think that Im the reason why this breaking up happened. Do you think that he will come back to me after improved myself? How will he know that I’ve improved if I unfriended him on Facebook, he can no longer see my future posts. How will I contact him after the NC rule, if i deleted his phone number? Please help me, it’s only been 2days since our breakup, and im panicking what if he doesnt contact me, how am i going to contact him? How will i show him that improved myself? What does the kiss means? Why did he do that?
Jam
April 23, 2017 at 4:41 am
Hello Ms. Amor, I’ve followed what you advised to me, I’ve reset the NC Rule, I am actively posting happy and improving version of me on Facebook. Last night, I posted a photo of me after I enrolled on a famous acting workshop in our country.
I woke up this morning, i was surprised that I got a friend request from my ex. My NC Rule is not yet finished. Should I accept it? Or ignore it? Or should I accept it after the I finish the NC rule? What if he cancel his friend request If i ignore him for weeks or days???
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 28, 2017 at 6:27 pm
Accept it aster nc.. Let him be if he cancels it during it
Jam
April 15, 2017 at 8:33 am
Hello again Ms. Amor, another update, he replied to me saying, “I wish you to be happier 🙂 . Take care always okay?” I didnt reply after that. I am resetting the NC rule after i replied to him yesterday. Is it the right move or nah?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 16, 2017 at 8:51 am
yep, no contact mean no initiating, no replying, no social media stalking and being very active in improving yourself…
Jam
April 14, 2017 at 9:19 am
Hello Ms. Amor just an update, my ex texted me last night, it says “Sorry”, i just red it this morning, im confused if i should reply to him. But I think i just made a mistake lately and replied to him by saying, “Thanks :)” it has a double meaning btw. What should I do? I just broke the NC rule. Is there still a chance of getting him back? Should I still continue the NC rule? Will he text me again?
Jam
April 11, 2017 at 12:06 am
Thanks Ms. Amor, but recently I found out from my friend, that he and his ex-girlfriend is dating again. Is there a chance that I can get him back to me? How?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2017 at 10:08 pm
approach it like this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 2:49 pm
Hi Jam,
there’s no guarantee that it will work but you have to put yourself first.. make your posts public and if you’re friends in other social media accounts, you can use that for first contact. check the links below too:
The Ungettable Girl
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends