I want to show you something that a woman on our private support group posted yesterday,
I underlined the particularly important parts.
Now, as you can imagine for a woman who desperately wants her ex back having that ex tell her that he is moving on and that she should as well can be devastating. Now, the woman who posted this screenshot of his text was very upset.
However, she asked me the inevitable question that almost all women ask,
Should I tell him to go F*ck Himself…
Wait… no that’s not right.
Hmm…
One sec let me consult my notes.
…..
……..
…………
Ah, here it is.
She asked me,
What does my ex boyfriend really mean when tells me that I should move on?
Well, rather than answering her directly (since it’s going to take me about a week to answer her properly) I decided to do a deep dive and answer her through this article instead!
After all, I am sure there are millions of other women out there that can benefit from learning what the heck your ex boyfriend really means when he says that you should move on.
So, rather than listen to me ramble on let’s just cut right to the chase and answer the burning question that’s probably been plaguing your mind ever since your stupid ex opened his mouth.
(I will always be on your side FYI!)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizDoes He Really Mean It When He Tells Me To Move On?
Yep, I decided to get right to the heart of the thing that is bugging you.
Now, what I am about to say may be a tad bit controversial so make sure you listen up.
I want to start off by saying that I have some bad news and some good news.
Which would you like to hear first?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
The bad news, eh?
Ok, brace yourself because this is probably going to hurt to read but just know that I have some good news (and some hope) that is soon to follow.
Are you ready?
Have you grabbed on to your chair or seat or whatever you are near to get in your bracing position?
The Bad News = Your ex boyfriend absolutely means it…
Ok, now let me quickly jump into the good news.
The Good News = He may have only meant it in that exact moment and it may have no bearing of what he wants in the future…
Let me ask you a question.
Have you ever gotten super angry at someone and said something quite rude to them without actually meaning it?
Yep….
I am pretty sure we have all been there.
It’s entirely possible that your ex got caught up in the heat of the moment from the breakup and said something that he didn’t mean.
Now, for all of you naysayers out there chanting “bullsh*t” let me tell you a little about how we roll here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
I usually don’t say something on this site without proof backing it up.
In other words, I would like to show you the real proof I have of this idea of a man saying something in the heat of the moment and not really meaning it.
Meet Sarah,
Now, Sarah was one of the lucky women who got her ex boyfriend back after enrolling in our private support group!
Do you care to take a guess at what Sarah’s ex boyfriend told her when they broke up?
This is it…
We are never getting back together...
You should move on because that’s what I am going to do too…
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHe said these things during the heat of the breakup and obviously didn’t mean them when he wanted to get back with her later.
Just watch the 35 minute interview I did with her above if you want the rest of the details.
Now, the question you are probably wondering at this point is,
I get it Chris but how the heck am I supposed to know if he really meant it when he told me to move on?
Ah, well a few years ago I would have just told you to wait around and see how things panned out.
Basically the equivalent of one of these,
However, after gaining more experience with men who have said this to their exes and then turned around and came back my team and I have began to notice certain patterns that have been universally exhibited and I am going to let you in on those “patterns” today.
Are you ready to rock?
Patterns Men Exhibit When They Don’t Really Mean To Tell You To Move On
Alright, so I have identified three very distinctive behaviors/patterns that men exhibit when they tell you to “move on” but don’t really mean it.
Those patterns are as follows,
- Telling You To Move On And Then Not Leaving You Alone
- Making A Romantic Declaration Of Some Sort
- Dating Someone New Very Quickly And Then Breaking Up Very Quickly
Of course, me just telling you these patterns aren’t enough.
On the contrary, I have always believed that details are essential if you want to understand what the heck is going on in your ex boyfriends mind.
So, that is what I am going to spend the rest of this article.
Defining exactly what I mean when I list each of these patterns.
Pattern #1: Telling You To Move On And Then Not Leaving You Alone
I have always been of the belief that actions speak louder than words.
This is especially true when you are dealing with someone going through a breakup where emotions run high and they often won’t say what is really on their mind. I learned a long time ago that if you want to get to the bottom of what someone truly feels then you need to study how they act after a breakup.
For example, if your ex boyfriend tells you to move on and he never talks to you again (even after you try to talk to him) then it’s a pretty safe bet that he meant what he said.
In other words, he told you one thing and backed it up with the action of silence which everyone in the “ex recovery” game knows is a bad thing as it relates to your own ex boyfriend.
But what if the opposite happens?
What if your ex boyfriend tells you to move on and then proceeds to send you text messages like this over the next few days,
Well, he is saying one thing with his words but his actions are clearly saying another thing, aren’t they?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou know, I’ll never forget one thing I read from renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel when she was interviewing a couple that was trying to rebuild after an affair,
When Debbie brings up the affairs, Marc alternates between justifying and blaming himself.
It’s almost like this pendulum swinging back and forth where a person can flip/flop their position from one end to the other.
The analogy has always stuck with me because I have experienced this very same phenomenon with the men and women I work with who experience breakups.
One day they can be on top of the world very excited about how things are progressing and the next they swing to the other end of the spectrum cursing me that I am not helping them enough.
Breakups tend to have this spectrum swinging affect on humans and your ex boyfriend is no different.
One minute he can be steadfast in his belief that you should get over him and the next moment he could be having this internal conversation with himself where he is literally thinking,
Why did I tell her that? I don’t want her to be over me…
And that’s where this pattern comes into play.
If you find that your ex can’t seem to stop talking to you after he tells you to “move on” it could be a sign that the pendulum is swinging the other way.
Pattern #2: Making A Romantic Declaration Of Some Sort
Let’s go down this rabbit hole a little bit further.
Now that you have grasped my pendulum analogy you probably have a little insight into why your ex boyfriend may be giving you mixed signals by telling you to move on. Hell, you have probably experienced the pendulum playing with your emotions yourself.
So, I’d like to throw out a hypothetical here for a moment.
Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend told you very specifically that he wants you to move on. However, after the fact you find that he keeps messaging you and talking to you.
Basically he exhibits pattern one in spades.
But this time he takes it a step further and makes a romantic declaration.
Romantic Declaration = Something your ex says to you that can be taken in a romantic way
I feel it’s important to spend some time defining specific romantic declarations your ex is likely to make since I realize I am dealing with women who tend to read into every little action that he does.
Generally the type of romantic declaration I am talking about ISN’T going to be this,
That’s what I would call a “GRAND” romantic declaration.
While it’s not impossible for an ex to suddenly have an epiphany and want to win you back it is unlikely and it would be a waste of your precious time sitting around waiting for it to happen.
Instead, it’s likely that the type of romantic declarations you will receive can go a little like this,
You and your ex are texting at a pretty good clip and all of a sudden he texts you this,
“I really miss you!”
Notice how it’s not overly romantic. It’s almost as if he let his guard down and let you in on the internal conversation going on in his head.
You want to make sure you pay attention to things like this because they are important.
Another popular romantic gesture I see a lot of ex boyfriends making is calling their ex by a “pet name.”
Pet Name: Something he used to call you often instead of your name
For example, my wife will sometimes call me,
“Babe…”
“Hun…”
“Honey…”
“Lovey…”
These are all her little pet names for me.
Now, I know for a fact that it’s meant to be sweet and romantic by nature because she doesn’t call other men in her life by these names. Instead, they are all reserved for me.
(And I suppose we are going to have a major problem if she does start calling other men by these names.)
Here is my point.
If your ex boyfriend begins calling you by your “pet name” then it’s a small little romantic gesture that is giving you insight into his frame of mind.
The pendulum may be swinging back towards hoping you don’t move on.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizPattern #3: Dating Someone New Very Quickly And Then Breaking Up Very Quickly
I saved the most outrageous pattern for last because it is so counter intuitive.
Before I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I was under the impression that if you were trying to get an ex boyfriend back it’s never good if that ex boyfriend starts dating a new girl.
And for the most part I still believe that is the case.
HOWEVER!
There is one particular circumstance where the rules slightly change.
Care to take a guess at what that circumstance is?
….
…….
………..
Ok, ok… I kind of gave the answer out in the heading but I am trying to keep things exciting for you 🙂 .
The circumstance is if your ex quickly jumps into a relationship with a new girlfriend after your breakup and then quickly breaks up with her.
Remember what we learned from pattern one?
Words don’t matter as much as actions and by dating a new girl your ex boyfriend is clearly taking a bold action.
But what are these actions telling us?
Well, lets study what is actually going on.
Action #1 = Your Ex Boyfriend Quickly Jumping Into A Relationship With Someone New
This action tells us a couple of things.
Firstly, the fact that he was so quick to jump into a new relationship means that he is definitely hurt by his breakup with you.
Now, generally the public believes that moving on this quickly is a negative behavior but what if I were to tell you that it’s not.
What if I were to tell you that one of the fastest ways to get over a relationship is to actually go on the rebound.
Would you believe me?
Probably not but numerous studies have clearly stated that it is.
Of course, that is probably a nightmare for you to hear as you are probably reading this article to figure out if your ex boyfriend even wants you back, right?
Well, the good news is that we still have another action to explore!
Action #2 = Your Ex Boyfriend Quickly Breaking Up With The New Girl
Have you ever heard of the grass is greener syndrome?
If not then I’d highly recommend you check out this amazing article I wrote on it a few years back.
In it I talk about this idea of an internal rating system that men have when they date someone.
The premise is really simple.
Basically a man keeps this internal rating system (let’s use a 1 – 10 scoring system for the purposes of this example) to measure how satisfied he is with the relationship. Now, most women think that once they get their “grade” it’s set in stone.
For example, they think that if they are given an 8 out of 10 by a man that, that is their grade forever from that particular man.
But that’s not how it works.
On the contrary, the grade a woman is given evolves and changes each and every day depending on his satisfaction with the relationship.
For example, a woman is probably going to get a lot of high scores at the beginning of the relationship (8 – 10’s) as she navigates her way through the honeymoon period.
But that grade is bound to go down as she gets out of the honeymoon period and more fights or arguments accumulate.
Maybe by the time that it’s all said and done he has her rated as a 6.
Now let’s make things really interesting and tie this point system back into action two here.
Let’s say your ex boyfriend rated you as a 7 by the end of your relationship with him and he immediately jumped into a relationship with a new girl. Now, upon entering a new relationship with a new girl he is going to be comparing your score to her new score.
At first her score is probably going to be higher but that’s bound to happen with the excitement of the honeymoon period but that will always wear off and his score for his new girlfriend is going to drop.
Let’s say that it drops to a 5.
So, where you were a 7…
She was a 5…
Do you see where I am going with this?
He is going to break up with her because he will have found out for himself how great he had it with you.
It’s the grass is greener syndrome in a nutshell.
And I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this phenomenon in action.
It’s almost comical but I suppose in a weird way it makes complete sense.
Sometimes men just have to found out how difficult it is to fine an amazing woman like you on their own.
There is no substitute for experience!
Jaz
August 5, 2021 at 12:39 am
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. This is our second breakup. The first time we broke up was because he was a few years older and I wasn’t ready to give him the things he needed at the time. We did not speak for a whole year. But we got back together after being separated for a year. It was the best this time around, I matured a lot I was ready to give him the things he needed and he even matured a lot. We did things we never did the first time around. We spent almost every day together, went on dates, and just everything happy couples do. He told me he wanted to marry me and he was in love with me. But just recently he became very distant. He kept telling me we shouldn’t be together and that things aren’t working out anymore but I would always talk him out of it and we would be fine. But just two weeks ago he broke up with me and said he is no longer attracted to me. It hit me as a shock because I thought things were going perfect. I was the happiest I’ve ever been in our relationship. But a few days ago he told me the real reason he left me because he’s talking to someone else and he wants to live life and wants to single and be able to talk to and sleep with whoever he wants. He told me we could still be friends and he still wants to be intimate and we have slept together twice since the breakup, he told me he wants me to be great in life and find happiness. But this all came out of nowhere. It’s like he’s confused and he’s a totally different person when we speak it scares me because he’s not himself. He’s the person I want to be with, we have been through a lot together way too much for it to just be thrown away. Please help me thank you
Megan
July 29, 2021 at 12:41 am
My ex dumped me after a year, with no warning signs, because of my child (who suffered a mental breakdown but is in recovery) without giving her a chance. He said I was the best mother he had ever seen, that I was perfect and he would probably always love me but that we aren’t compatible as families (he also has kids) and it won’t work for us (when he was saying the opposite just before the incident). He said he wanted to be friends, got me a birthday present, would reach out to me, would tell me he misses me until one of our coworkers (yes we work together still) told him that he needed to accept me with my children or let me move on before trying to be friends. After that, he became distant but would still reach out every now and then, would answer if I text him first and would ask follow up questions. Until one day, I mentioned how I had been feeling and he told me that he was sorry for treating me that way, that I didn’t deserve it, that he knows how he feels but it doesn’t help anyone to say them, that we should stop talking because everything is to raw, that he wants to see where this space takes him and that we should probably just move on because he doesn’t want to dwell on it and be sad. He said he doesn’t like being alone but knows it won’t work with us.
I’m now honoring the no contact rule and have even taken it a step further and have stopped posting on social media all together but I still feel conflicted, and confused. I’m worried we won’t ever have a chance and that he will find someone new and better, especially since we work together and I’ll have to see that.
What do I do?
Bre
April 29, 2021 at 10:02 pm
My ex of 2 years broke up with me 2 months ago. Said he couldn’t give me what I deserve and need. He was unhappy. We didn’t talk for 3 weeks then he messaged me about how much it sucks still snd cries to me about being lonely but doesn’t want to get back together. Says he is broken and can’t be with anyone right now. We meet up and sleep together. Then tells me we shouldn’t sleep together anymore and again I can’t be with you you should move on. We see each other a few days later and end up sleeping together. Says he wants me in his life but can’t be with me right now.
Leesa
April 19, 2021 at 9:20 am
Hi,
My EX and I have been together for 8 years. I broke up with him because of infidelity (on his part) . We went no contact for 3 months and then he contacted me right before corona lockdown. We continued talking for a little more than a year, and I was waiting for him to make it official. Then the other day he msgs me this after I asked him “how are you feeling?”:
“ I care about you and enjoy talking to you, but I don’t see us getting back together. It’s been a year and a half and perhaps we both need to move on” – my EX.
Is there any hope left? I feel like I waited too long to have a conversation with him about where this was going and now he’s gotten bored and lost interest. He said he still wants to stay in touch with me but he’s ready to start dating. He also said that if I choose to not want to be in contact with him, he will respect that. Did I miss my chance with him? Am I too late? I told him I wanted to try to make it work but he shot me down. (We are long distance and I feel like if I had seen him in person this would have played out differently). Help! What do I do? Is this the end? I love him.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 22, 2021 at 6:26 pm
Hey Leesa, so the amount of time is going to make things more difficult for you but you can start following the program with NC and working on yourself and your social media etc to show your ex that you are amazing and he’s made a mistake not taking that chance. I would suggest that you read more articles about long distance relationships, long term break ups as it has been over a year now. But still apply the information as best you can.
Hidi
February 11, 2021 at 5:40 pm
Hi,
I’d love your advice with this: me and my ex were together for 7 years, I was the only girl he introduced to his family. In the last year, he started saying he wanted space and we were on off for that year. I actually blocked him from my socials and started no contact – he started reaching out and we met up for the day, kept it civil and flirted slightly, kissed at the end and he texted me to say he hasn’t given up on us. Since then, we didn’t speak for a whole month and i reached out after 30 days. He sounded in a much better place but told me to move on and that he wants to do the same. He said each time he looks at me he feels guilty for cheating. I thought he had the grass is greener syndrome but I’m not sure anymore? When he wanted space he said he isn’t sure about settling down and getting married. But when I spoke to him after NC he said he does want to settle and marry, but feels he has to let me go and both move on. I think he has met someone new.
I want to know bluntly if I’m wasting my time or if there is any hope that he might realise what he had?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 13, 2021 at 9:44 pm
Hi Hidi, so this is the blunt truth. It doesn’t mean that he has met anyone else, but it could mean that he thinks there is someone “better” out there for him. Now this is harsh truth, but it doesn’t mean that you can show him, you are the best he can ever get. Read the articles about the holy trinity and being ungettable and show him what he has lost.
Please help
February 7, 2021 at 1:30 pm
Been with my ex boyfriend for 5 years a year ago he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore but we have been on and off for the year. We haven’t done NC longer than 2 weeks. He’s just said his head isn’t in it and that I need to move on because I deserve to be happy?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 7, 2021 at 9:14 pm
Hey there, so by the sounds of things your ex has grass is greener, that he thinks there could be more / better options. This is where you need to follow a 45 day no contact work on yourself to be the best version of yourself (look up holy trinity and ungettable articles) and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles and videos.
Terri
September 6, 2020 at 8:31 am
Me and my ex been together for 10 months. I had cheated on my ex and I was stuck between my ex of four years or him and I chose him. I fell in love fast but he did to or what it looked like. We were like two peas in a pod. I had lied about my past about explicit details and some things he was told that I lied about because I was just embarrassed and scared to tell him. After everything I told him the truth and he left me and a few days he got with another girl. He told his mom that he was miserable and they ended up breaking up because she seen that he still had feelings for me well he moved back and we had sex two days and then stopped he said that he couldn’t live with me because he can see the love that I have and it was making him sad. He eventually told me that we moved on to quickly and that he was just with me in the beginning because he was lonely but I believe at one time he did love me. Now when he left me the first time he went hot and cold to I hate you and I love you and the last time he left he said that he didn’t have anywhere to go then all of a sudden he’s back with his ex. We did this last time leave on good terms he wanted to be “friends” and he told me that we weren’t made for each other and that he wanted me to find someone else but before we shared google together so we were getting each other pictures. He had seen a pic of a guy that I was talking to and he told his mom to tell me to please have mercy on him but he also said he was attractive so good job. He also told me he was sad that I was sad and he couldn’t stop thinking about how sad I was. Last time he broke up with me he deleted me off everything this time I can still text him and he is still friends with me on Facebook. I had made a post about my passion in photography and thinking everyone I didn’t tag him or anything but I did say “my ex is my inspiration” he liked it I was going to do the no contact rule but he had my debit card so I called him after he was off work and we talked and laughed about a clip on a tv show and he asked how I was doing I told him fine so that was it. I have a feeling he will come back but it could just be me.
Shell
May 17, 2020 at 3:11 pm
Me & my ex did 3 months no contact got back into contact just before lock down. We was planning to meet up to have a chat etc said he missed me stuff like that. Anyways we didn’t get that chance. Lock down happened he went hot & cold it was really confusing me. 10 days silence nothing I asked how he was doing & I got silence. I then saw something strange on social media it looked like he was FaceTiming a girl off his phone with 4 his mates sprint. I asked what that was about and said is that why you have gone silent, he said I was crazy, stalker, paranoid was no girl there and told me to move on. I then said your probably right I’ll move on good luck with everything, it’s not fair on me this hot & cold nonsense we are not meeting up & think it’s causing us problems. I then turned my phone off and went to bed. I saw in the morning he tried to call me then he blocked me on everything apart from Snapchat his kept me on there for some reason.
I’m kind of confused on what to do? I haven’t reached out to him on there as I’m a bit hurt & also worried he may block me on there.
Love your advice?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 27, 2020 at 10:44 am
Hey Shell I am sorry but it sounds as if you need to complete another No Contact period, rather than 3 months I suggest that you do one for 30 days this time around
Sara
April 2, 2020 at 2:08 pm
My ex finally responded to me after texting for days
:
Just give me time Sara please I hate opening up these messages and leaving you on read because it hurts me too but I just don’t want to talk right now hun. Give me time to heal and we’ll come together. I never once was fake with you so I meant everything I’ve ever told you Sara…Good night
What does this mean ? Is there hope ! And what should I do
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 2, 2020 at 10:36 pm
Hi Sara, what it means, is your ex needs you to give him space. Start your No Contact and stop reaching out to him for at least 30 days
Kim F
February 11, 2020 at 4:51 pm
So recently my ex and I met up for some coffee and board games—It went super well!
We laughed, we hugged at the end and he told me how nice it was to see me.
A few days later I asked if he’d like to see me again, he said yes and told me that coming Saturday and at what time and where.
Saturday rolls by and in the early morning we talked about how excited we were to see each other and spend time together and play arcade games where we used to go on dates together a lot.
About 2 hours before we were supposed to meet he cancels on me and tells me it wouldn’t be good for him to see me because he isn’t over us and needs to get past what we had.
I respected his wishes but I’m devastated. I thought things were going well—they must have been, but I respect giving him his space.
My question is: is this definite? Do I have a chance still? Or should I go ahead and let this go?
It’s been nearly 4 months since we broke up, we were together for 3 years, lived together for 1, and have not done no contact since the break up. Our first meet up was almost 2 weeks ago, this recent one would’ve been this last Saturday (02/08/20).
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 21, 2020 at 11:39 pm
Hi Kim so I do suggest that you follow the No Contact rule as you are just staying in contact spending time together and not really getting the attraction back you are almost putting yourself in the friendzone. If you take a step back you will allow your ex a chance to miss you and feel that he is losing you from his life. While gives you a chance to have some time away from him so that you can heal from the break up also. The fact that he said he didnt want to meet up because he wasn’t over you guys shows he needs that space too. Let him miss you. Like Chris says, you have to be willing to lose the guy to get the guy back
Holly
January 12, 2020 at 6:11 pm
I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years full, probably the best relationship we ever got since we shared passion, interest and values. Tough we are at the second breakup(for two different reasons). Unluckily I suffer of anxiety and depression so being together was very difficult to him and in the end I guess it became unbearable. I have followed no contact since then (only exception for new year’s Eve where I sent him my best wishes and he answered shortly) .
We broke one week before Xmas but the last month was hard so it didn’t came unexpected. I’m doing therapy and he knows that though he hurted me when he said “that he doesn’t want to have to see me anymore”. We exchanged items and I tried to be cool and gave him his Xmas gift (a travel I bought 2 weeks prior break up) and said that if he wanted to start fresh that was our chance. He didn’t return all of my stuff in the end and the very same night called me to say he missed some stuff and I was brief but steady about not wanting to see him again because it hurted us too much. We are now almost at the end of no contact (it finish on 15th) and I tried to test the field putting a like to see how he reacted. Mostly to know if contacting him or not…he didn’t respond in anyway. I’m using social media to showcase my change and my life but he is always avoidant. He said on the phone that he barely recognize me anymore (in a good manner tough). But having to hit this attitude hurts me as hell.
Tobey
December 18, 2019 at 4:54 am
Not too long ago my ex boyfriend told me to move on. Not too long ago meaning like two hours ago. He told me “Look for another guy. I want you to move on” “I don’t like hurting you because I don’t feel the same”.
But it’s confusing because less than a week ago we went on a date. My ex boyfriend was the one to call it a date. We were happy and at the end of the day he told me “I love you” and texted me “I felt happy with you today” “I wanted to spend a long time with you”. And when we see each other we’re still intimate like how couples are. Even last night I made him upset, then this morning he was angry but he pulled me to the side and cuddled me.
Another thing to add is he told me he wants to be single and doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. So does he really mean it that he wants me to move on?? Because these mixed signals with his actions and words are driving me insane.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 22, 2019 at 5:15 pm
Hi Tobey, so what you need to do is go into a no contact where you give your ex what he wants a break up, let him miss you and stop being intimate with him!! I cant stress this enough if you are not with him do not give him boyfriend privileges because it makes them not need to work for that intimacy
J
December 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
Hello,
I am currently finding myself in a really difficult situation and I really need some advice. I was with my ex for 5 years, 4 years were wonderful and he has said they were the happiest of his life which he would like to remember. The past year was not. I distanced myself as I could not come to terms with the loss of my dad. We were engaged and had a home. We have since cancelled a wedding and also he has bought me out of the home we shared.
I admit that since the break up, I bombarded him with messages. Telling him he should take me back and how happy I would make him. He said that my reaction since the break up, is what makes him know he will never come back, as before that there would have been a chance. He has told me different things and although the common theme is that he will never come back, he has said that was angry at himself, as a few weeks ago he was thinking that he had made a mistake and felt stupid for doubting that. He has told me that although he said never, he also didn’t think we would break up.
We are 4 months on almost since we broke up, although 2 months since I moved out of the home we shared.
I am desperate for any advice, I am so upset and down that I do not know what to do. He has told me to move on, be happy and wishes me all the luck. I just can’t seem to accept it.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 15, 2019 at 8:43 pm
Hey J so if you want your ex back then you need to get into no contact and start working on yourself during that time. By the sounds of things your ex isnt fully sure what he wants and things just got hard between you while you were grieving. If you follow the program and make sure you do the work needed you give yourself your best chance of getting your ex back just making sure that you work on being your best self at the same time
Jennifer
December 8, 2019 at 10:26 pm
My ex boyfriend told me we are done, for me to move on with my life, does he really mean it?? He says that he isn’t angry or mad but you can tell he is hurt and in pain from the break up and he is also holding in his emotions and I’m the only one being an adult while he is telling no one will want me or put up with my stupid shit and he is really cold hearted and he was never like this when we were together for the 2 months before he dumped me!!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 8, 2019 at 10:48 pm
Hi Jennifer, it sounds like he is hurt and being very immature so I would rise above it your relationship was not too long so you can do a 21 day no contact, giving that you stop responding to him now and dont react to what ever he says going forward
Bets
December 4, 2019 at 12:40 pm
My ex-boyfriend told me if any girl can make him fall in love again , it’d be me but he doesn’t want to rush into it now. He wants to focus on himself and refuses to tell me how he feels ( “his emotions are bottled up” ) because he’s too soft on me and after can never say no to me . He also said that after this phase , if he’s given time, he’ll realize if he made a mistake . I asked him if he wants me to move on to tell me now and he told me I can move on if I want and I told him he’s hard headed. He told me toet him be hard headed then and to leave him some for a bit . Granted . I just don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 6, 2019 at 8:30 pm
Hi Bets, so what your ex is telling you, GIVE HIM SPACE, so go into a No Contact and do some self work like Chris talks about the Ungettable girl, that is what you need to be doing right now
Nicki
November 27, 2019 at 6:00 am
It’s been a month since I broke up with my boyfriend, because he told me that he couldn’t make any effort in this relationship. I asked my exboyfriend after a month whether he’s determined to move on since I saw him taking down pictures of us from his Instagram. On the other hand, I guess I was waiting for him to reach back to me since he had said to call him or text him anytime I wanted to.
He said he’s determined to move on. That he’s sorry he hadn’t made that clear. But that he still stands by me reaching out if I want to talk.
Do guys do this??? They want to move on but are okay with their ex girlfriend reaching out and wanting to talk whenever??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 1, 2019 at 12:11 am
Hey Nicki, when he says hes open to talking to you, does he mean as a friend or as in getting back together?
If he isnt investing into the relationship like you want him to do then you do need to follow the program and work yourself up the value chain so that he starts to invest more time into you
Ashley R.
November 13, 2019 at 5:16 pm
Hi,
This is my first break up ever. I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 years. We started dating as teenagers (I was 17 and he was 16) Towards the end of the relationship he was unhappy with how I became distant, but this was because I was focusing on my studies. We still hung out often so I don’t understand why he felt that way. He would call me constantly and would get upset when I couldn’t talk on the phone. We fought a lot and would be violent at times. But for the most part we spent a lot of time together. Despite going to different colleges we visited each other almost every other week and then had the same summer internship during summer break . The biggest issue was how we did not resolve problems and it’ll remain an ongoing issue. For example, we would get into a routine and I wanted to avoid that so the relationship doesn’t become boring. I felt like the relationship was getting better because he started initiating going out new places and tons of new experiences. But then he broke up with me. It’s been 7 months since he broke up with me, however he was still confused/regretting the break up (kinda cold and hot behavior) and asking me to hang out with him up until 2 months ago. He moved away for graduate school and then started a new relationship with someone else (LDR). He has told me to move on because he does not think of me romantically anymore, but we can be friends in the future.
I don’t know if there’s still any chance of him coming back. Due to his new girlfriend and the distance.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 13, 2019 at 11:53 pm
Hi Ashley, So you need to start with a NC and make sure you do some work on yourself in the mean time and read about the being there method. Even if there is a new girlfriend your chances are not up. You need to work on being Ungettable and follow the program properly to give yourself your best chance
Ella
July 29, 2019 at 11:56 am
So I’ve known this guy for around 4 years. We dated for about 1-2 years and everything seemed goood and we both were happy. But suddenly he started to get the feeling of not wanting to be with me because he felt like he wasn’t ready for a long term relationship. Then he became distant and would talk to me when I would try to talk to him about it but he seemed different in a way. I gave up after a few months because I was hurting so much I couldn’t take it anymore and I was hurting myself and everyone around me. (Note: this was our first relationship with someone). After a year or more or not being together he ended getting in contact with me when I was trying with someone else. Saying he missed me and this just made me confused with myself. And after thinking about it for a few months I decided to try with him. We would talk here and there before hand but then after we tried to hangout for a few days to see how we would both feel. He ended up not feeling the same and told me he didn’t want a relationship with anyone and he said that he just wanted to be left alone. He also said I should move on and I waited to long to try with him. I was thinking maybe we moved to fast into trying and the given few days of hanging out didn’t help. That we needed to take time to get to know eachother again. But when I asked him if we would try later in the future he kept saying he don’t think anyhing change. He seemed like he cared for me by not wanting to hurt me again but I’ve grown so close to this person that I’m scared to let go.
Marie
July 18, 2019 at 12:47 pm
So, this guy and I met about 7 months ago on an app. We live about 1.3 hours away from each other. Not a huge deal! The connection between him and I was so unreal. We both said we have never felt this before. He is my male self and vise versa. But I’m the beginning, we went through a gray period where we still thought we should date around just to see. Well before me, he had a friend with benefits type relationship where they both connected in a dark time in both of their lives and helped each other through it but it was never a relationship where he saw her in his future as a couple. (Quick back sorry. He has a 7 yr old son but was never married to her. They dated on and off but he wasn’t really sexually attracted to her. They broke up and did the whole I miss you thing, got back together once and she got pregnant. He felt like he had to try and make it work so she moved in and he said there was no relationship the whole 5 years they were together. He didn’t want to hurt her or lose his son 50% of the time so he tried to hold on to it but she knew he wasn’t saying for her just for the son so she left. He went in to a dark place not able to see his son all the time and that’s when he met the friend with benefits who was going through a divorce and having similar issues with losing her son 50% of the time! So they became close by helping each other heal). So fast forward to the gray area again. Him and I decided that we haven’t been talking that long so let’s just see what’s out there and maybe it will show us we really do have a connection. So, she contacted him to see how he was doing as he said they do once in awhile and decided to meet for drinks and ended up sleeping together and now she’s pregnant. He still says there’s definitely things missing between them which is why he didn’t date her in the beginning. And he told me he loved me and saw a future with me but he feels like he has to try and make it work with her because now he has two baby mommas. I told him I would support him and be with him still through all this but he is still saying he has to TRY. I told him he already did this once, what makes you think you will just have feelings and enjoy being with this woman when it didn’t work before she was pregnant. So he just keeps telling me I need to move on now and we can’t be together because of his situation. But then he gets mad at me when he sees me with another guy. He said he gets sick to his stomach and can’t stand to think about it. I’m so confused on his thought process. I know he’s in a dark place right now and probably not thinking clearly as he is trying to figure everything out. But I just don’t want to see him unhappy again and really wish he would just realize I really would be there to support him and we would be so happy together. We are currently not having any communication as of a few days now. Baby is due in February. He has not even done a paternity test either. He’s been so sick and puking every day over this situation. What do you think? Will he realize he misses me soon or will he just fight through and try to make to make it work with her? He checks on my Snapchat all the time. And just so jealous of everything I do but still pushing me away. I’m so torn because I really saw him in my future, blended family and all.
Jenny
May 20, 2019 at 8:30 am
Hello,
I have recently been dumped suddenly after a 2 year relationship with someone who I moved countries for!
We started off log distance and made that work and then we moved in together straight away – 6 months later he dumped me out of the blue.
He still contacts me and wants to remain in my life and his reasons for dumping me were very much circumstancial and not how compatible we were as a couple.
He’s left me devastated and so confused by his flakey reasons!