If you want to get your ex boyfriend to talk to you again then you are going to have to do some work. I am assuming, since you are reading this page on my site, that right now you and your ex boyfriend aren’t on speaking terms. Every single day I get a minimum of at least twenty emails from women who are all over the place emotionally because they aren’t on speaking terms with their ex. So, trust me when I say that you are not alone with how you are feeling right now. Of course, before I dive in to the good stuff there are a few things that I need to make you aware of.
Neediness/Desperation = No Talking
What is the first thing that you want to do after a breakup, especially if you aren’t ok with it? You probably want to contact your ex, ask how he is doing, beg a little bit and eventually get upset because he isn’t giving you the time of day. I want to tell you something about men, seeing as how I am one and know what it is like when a girl contacts me in the way I described above. To men, any sign of neediness or desperation, and make no mistake about it, begging and crying display those qualities, are a complete turn off. Of course, there will always be the oddball guy that is so pathetic that he actually feeds off of making women beg and cry but usually those are very rare.
So, if you want to get on speaking terms with your ex again you are going to have to do things that aren’t perceived as needy or desperate. The only question is, how do you do that?
I am glad you asked….
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
The No Contact Rule
The no contact rule is something I talk a lot about in my PRO system but more on that later…
Rather than texting or facebooking your ex every five minutes, a woman who wants to take control of the situation with her ex will implement something called a no contact rule. I am sure you have heard of it before. Basically, for 30-90 days you cut off all communication with your ex. Now, I am not going to lie to you. Successfully completing the NC rule for a minimum of 30 days is going to take a tremendous amount of discipline. I would say that about 90% of the women that come to this site will fail at this. It’s unfortunate too because the NC rule is probably the most effective tactic that you can use to not only get your ex boyfriend back but to get on speaking terms with him.
What if my ex told me to never contact him again? Will the no contact rule still work?
The no contact rule is supposed to accomplish more than just cutting yourself off from your ex. Most likely, if your ex boyfriend says something like “never contact me again” he is really hurt by something you did or just the breakup in general. By implementing a no contact period you let time go by for him to calm down emotionally. Most women think their ex is being an “a-hole” after the breakup but if you look at the situation logically from his point of view you can understand why he is acting a way that you are not used to. Your boyfriend may have put a lot of stock into your relationship and when it didn’t work out he got so frustrated that he has a “lash out” defense mechanism which is where the “never contact me again” comes from.
Other ways the NC rule can help you get on talking terms with your ex again.
When most people teach their website visitors to use the no contact rule they teach them the basics (don’t contact your ex for a set amount of days.) However, 99% of my peers are forgetting quite possibly the most important part of the no contact rule, you can use the time away from your ex to improve yourself. Now, when I say “improve yourself” I am not just talking about getting in the right mindset and all that nonsense. I am talking about physically as well. Men are very visual creatures and I am not going to lie to you, they will have no problem breaking up with a girl if they are… overweight, have skin issues or if they consider them to be too ugly. I know that is a harsh thing for me to say but I am just going to give it to you straight.
You are REQUIRED to use this time to improve yourself physically as much as you can. This will not only make your ex go “wow” if he ever sees you in public again but it will make any mutual friends that you may both have go “wow” as well. Why is that important? Because if there is anything I have learned in my years here on earth it is that friends are blabber mouths ;). That means, if his friends think you are looking better than ever then he will eventually hear it and get curious.
Of course, I will admit that the probability of a friend seeing you and squealing to your ex that you look amazing isn’t very high. That is where Facebook comes in. Yes, even Facebook is a great get your ex speaking to you again tool. Nearly 90% of Facebook users admit that they stalk their ex via their profile. You can bet your butt that your ex boyfriend, no matter how bad the breakup was, will be looking at your profile. So, what better way for you to show off the new you to him by taking a picture and posting it on your profile?
How To Get Him To Talk To You Again
If you implement the no contact rule like I suggest above I would estimate that 40% of the time your ex will reach out and try to talk to you. Most people don’t respond well to silence and if your ex feels like you are ignoring him, which you are, he will go a little crazy trying to get a hold of you.
In fact, if you search around in the comments section of this website you will find multiple cases where exes have gone so crazy during the no contact rule that they have resorted to doing things like:
- Saying things on Facebook to try to bait you into calling them.
- Getting your brothers phone and calling you.
- Sending angry messages to you via text.
- Showing up at your house and banging on your door.
- Sending you an email.
- Sending you a letter.
(Yes, all of these examples were taken from the comments section of this website.)
The goal of this page is to get your ex to talk to you again and as you can see, the no contact rule alone can accomplish that feat. Of course, like I said above, only 40% of the time it will work out. So, the question now becomes “how do you get on speaking terms with them if they don’t take the bait during NC?”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Reaching Out Via Text Message
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz(Before you spend any time reading this section I want you to go pick up a copy of The Texting Bible. Through that book you will have a great understanding of texting your ex after the no contact rule.)
In the event that your ex doesn’t get back in touch with you then you are going to have to take matters into your own hands a little bit. The way you can do that is by sending a text to him. However, you have to send your text a certain way and you have to understand that the more disciplined you are during your conversation with him the better off you will be.
Before I dive in to the rules of texting your ex I think it is important to mention that YOU SHOULD ONLY TEXT YOUR EX AFTER THE NO CONTACT RULE. If you weren’t on speaking terms with him immediately after the breakup then hopefully the minimum time frame of 30 days will have settled him down enough for him to accept and respond to your texts.
The Rules Of Texting An Ex Boyfriend
- It’s all about control, you want to control every aspect of the conversation you can.
- Ending the conversation first is a must.
- If you want to get back on speaking terms with him then you have to understand that you need to keep your first few texts to him very short.
What Is A Good Text To Send Him?
If I could give my mind to all the women who want their ex boyfriend back I would… well I wouldn’t because I like my mind but I think you get what I am trying to say. The best way I can describe the “ideal” first text to send your boyfriend after a no contact period is like this:
Your text has to be so interesting that it will be impossible for him not to respond.
Now, there are multiple ways to create an “interesting” text. I am going to give you an example below:
The Confession
This text will require some thought but the chances of him responding are high. Basically, you text your ex the following “I have a confession to make…” It should look something like this.
The point with this text message is to raise his curiosity. He will probably think something like “What could she possibly want?” Now, your work isn’t quite over yet.
What To Do If He Responds
Expect him to respond with something like:
- “What is it?”
- “Yes?”
- “What?”
No matter what he says to you DO NOT fall into the trap of responding to him, not yet anyways. I want you to take out a stopwatch or mark the time on your phone because after he responds you are going to have to wait an hour (THAT IS SIXTY MINUTES LADIES.)
Why would you want to do this?
His interest is already raised because you sent him the confession text already but I want his interest raised even more. Right now, you aren’t his top priority. Even if you came up with the most fascinating text in the world you wouldn’t be his top priority. In order to become that top priority you need to stay disciplined. By waiting an hour the chances of him checking his phone for your response every five minutes is raised drastically.
Look, I am a guy and when I really like a girl that I am texting I can’t help but look at my phone every five seconds waiting for her response to my most recent text. By sending him the confession text and getting him to check his phone every five minutes waiting for your response you are going to reinforce the behavior that he is used to when he has strong feelings for a girl. In other words, you will become his top priority.
Actually, I wouldn’t be shocked if something like the example below happens to you.
What To Say When The One Hour Is Up
So, he’s responded to your confession text, you’ve waited the full hour, now what? Here is where things get really interesting. I want you to read The Texting Bible and pick out a text there to text him. You have his attention and now it is time for you to send him something positive that will fill him with good romantic feelings towards you. Now, no matter what happens after that I want you to end this conversation thread with him by not responding. If he doesn’t respond to your “confession” it’s ok because you are not responding. If he responds to your confession, I don’t care how enticing it is, I don’t want you to respond with anything. I want you to show that you are in control of the conversation and you have the power, not him.
What To Do If He Doesn’t Respond To You “I have a confession to make…”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThere will be a small percentage of women whose boyfriends are so angry with them that they won’t respond even if they have waited a month via NC and sent the ideal text message. If you are one of these women then it is important NOT TO PANIC. Your ex is clearly trying to tell you something here and you have to respect it. He needs more space and you are going to have to wait some more time before you reach out to him again. I would say that if you wait 15 more days without any contact and try again with a different variation of the “I have a confession to make…” text then you might have some success.
Last Word
I want you to understand that I wrote this page with it’s sole intent being to help YOU get back on speaking terms with your ex. I feel I have accomplished that by showing you some very effective methods to get him to talk to you again. Now, I do realize that I didn’t go into what to do after you open up communication with him to get him back but that was only because I wanted this page to focus on the initial “opening up” of communication with your boyfriend. If you want to learn more about how to get your ex back then I suggest you visit my complete guide on doing so. Also, I am very involved with this site so if you leave a comment I will be responding to it. That is a guarantee!
Av
August 26, 2022 at 8:08 pm
Hi. So, me and my ex broke up about 15 days ago after having a relationship for 2 years. It was a long distance relationship and everything was really good except that my ex was keeping really very busy. The relationship ended when I expressed that i wanted his time, otherwise, don’t see the relationship moving forward. Post that, he was silent to all my texts & calls and blocked me (almost everywhere). After a week of complete silence, i messaged him if we can talk just once and he mentioned he will unblock me but wants to stay just friends. It’s been another 2 days but neither of us has talked to each other. How can I have him talk to me again like before?
Coach Shaunna Nicol
September 1, 2022 at 8:31 pm
Hi Av, so this situation you need to complete a full NC where you do not speak with your ex for at least 30 days, that includes you replying to anything that he sends you as well as you reaching out to him. It will take time to get back to speaking with your ex on a regular basis. Along with this, you are not going to get anything back from the past your goal is going to be about making a new relationship that works better with your ex.
Miss Tee
February 28, 2020 at 2:36 am
So I met this guy back in Nov 2019. Everything was good fine until sometime in Dec when he decided he had to leave for personal reasons. He told me he was moving back home with is North Carolina. When he came back about 2 weeks later mid Dec he confessed he was really inLas Vegas. I got over the fact that he lied we moved in from it. But being that he left for those two weeks he lost his apartment. On his way back he had plans to stay with someone else but those plans didn’t work out. So he ended up living with me. (It wasn’t planned just a fast thinking) From then on it was great, few more weeks went by now we’re in Jan 2020 We had our 1st little argument but got over it the next day. Back to normal then a week later he accuses me of coming home smelling like I was with another guy. I told him I was out with family he didn’t believe me. Then he questioned if I wanted to be with him. He said he wanted to be with me. I replied that I wanted to be with him too but wanted to take things slow. I felt I shouldn’t have said that because I felt some much more for him at that time. He moved out 2 days after that fight. We didn’t talk a week after but then finally came back around each other but it was kind of awkward. We talked about what went wrong and got past it but weren’t together he didn’t move back in. Valentine’s Day was nice but he didn’t stay the night he brought flowers to my job we had drinks & a nice dinner he went home. I had to go to see me dad in a another city that weekend so we didn’t see each other since. I was out with my brother and his gf that Sunday And he called me on the phone l. I answered and we talked a bit he said he didn’t want to impose to just call him when I got settled. It was kind of noisy in the background. So when I called him back he told me to stop playing games on his phone his mood totally changed. My day to come back was that following Monday. One my way back home he told me he didn’t want anything to do with me that I was a cheater and a liar and to never call or text him again. I never cheated Or lied in the short time we’ve known each other. He changed his number blocked me on Facebook. We talked the whole weekend I was away. he knew where I was and who I was with. Not sure what happened but it’s a week since we talked. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 12, 2020 at 11:14 am
Hi Miss Tee, so as you are blocked you dont have much choice but to go into a No Contact, but the fact he thinks you cheated even though you spent that time talking to him shows he either has insecurities or someone has told him that you have and gotten into his head that you have done something you shouldn’t. Complete the NO Contact rules, where you spend some time working on yourself and becoming Ungettable, from there your ex will eventually unblock you as they will get curious so make sure that your social media is showing you doing great things with friends.
Forgotten
February 15, 2020 at 8:58 pm
I started hanging out casually (yes w/sex) with a man I knew back in high school when we were very close. We are now in our 50s. We hit it off perfectly!! He had recently moved back towards me. He told me he was single. I also reconnected with part of his family I was close to & found out he had a girlfriend of 12 years. I was crushed, texted him I knew everything. He told me they had on/off relationship, she was not good for him which is why he moved 6 hrs from her. He told me he wasn’t ready to talk about it but he was very sorry he hadn’t opened up about her. He asked if we could hang out & talk, I agreed but told him I would not pressure him as we were still new to hanging out. He msgd me he had to cancel due to a family emergency and I never heard from him again. I msgd him asking him to just let me know he is safe. He responded he was for now & was dealing with life. I reached out to him a cpl times since over the past month but no response. We used to be so close. I know his family is not close & he has considered himself an outcast. He used to tell me how awesome I was & to please never stop motivating him as he was not used to it and looked forward to it. Since I told him I knew of her he has gone quiet. I did NC for about 3 weeks, dropped off a really nice birthday basket at his loft managers office. I didn’t hear anything so msgd him just asking if it was delivered properly? Text shows delivered so I’m not blocked but he couldn’t even respond to that. Im ok being friends, I’m heartbroken he finds it so easy to go cold so quickly. We don’t have Facebook & we don’t socialize with the same people. I wish I knew if this is fixable…
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 16, 2020 at 9:42 am
Hey there, so I think he is avoiding you because he is still not fully done with the other woman and now that his family is involved he is forced to make a decision. I would suggest that you stop reaching out and do not deliver any gifts etc. No contact, you do not reach out, you do not reply to any messages, and you do not send gifts of any sort
SD12
January 20, 2020 at 6:17 pm
My boyfriend and I got into a fight a month ago. I apologized and try to mend the argument right after but he contacted me 5 days after the fight to break the silence and apologize. We’ve barely been talking since. I’ve tried to communicate, hang out, and talk about our distance and try to understand what’s going through his mind but he’s been short and not wanting to reach out/see me. It just feels like we’re not even in a loving relationship anymore. I’m not sure if I should talk and ask him what our status is or to give him even more space.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 22, 2020 at 2:20 pm
Hey SD12 I suggest that you give your ex some space, be less available to him as he is going to need to get himself feeling like he misses you and wants to talk to you
Adam
January 2, 2020 at 5:20 pm
Hello,
So me and my BF split last October after 10 months together – we had a small break before he said he didn’t feel the same – we kept in contact for a bit afterwards and then I found out he was seeing someone else who he had spoken to whilst we were together- I went into NC for 37 days after we basically said our goodbye but wanted Mutually to remain friends I reached out after my NC but got no reply but the message was read so went back into NC again.
He continued to follow me on social media until he unfollowed me on Christmas Eve after I’d been making posts later showing off my newly found body after loosing 24lbs post break up (partly the reason I see now why I’d become unhappy and unconfident)
So today I felt comfortable enough to reach out with a I’ve got a confession message , it was ready pretty quickly but no reply! I’m at a loss as to what to do next! I have EBR pro and the texting guide but I’m lost please help!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 3, 2020 at 1:29 am
Hey Adam, as that one didnt work you need to give it a few days and reach out with a another time of message. One where you are going to ask for advice maybe, you know your ex best and what type of person are they, are they going to be open to giving advice where the “I have a confession” may have scared your ex to not want to know what youre going to tell them as they have met someone else when they were with you assumed you did the same.
Sasha
October 15, 2019 at 4:49 am
Hello,
My bf and I were together for 9 months. We have both been previously married with children, him with a 16 y/o, me with a 5 and 7 y/o. During our entire relationship, he was there to support me through a nightmare of a divorce (which is finally at the final stages). 6 months into our relationship, my soon to be ex-husband wanted me to sign a court doc that said I wouldn’t take our kids and move in with my bf. Since we talked about everything, I told him joking about it and we laughed…for a minute. He then told me he loved me but wasn’t ready to get married although he may be ready down the road. I said yes I got it but he kept going over it and I got mad and said I couldn’t marry someone whom I hadn’t even met their son. In the same week his mother had a stroke. His mom is his BEST FRIEND.
Anyway, with his protests and my upset And his mother, we were both angry and he felt like we were broken up despite me trying to talk to him every day about things. He would talk about his mom and I would visit her, but he would refuse to speak about our relationship. This went on for 2 weeks until
I put my foot door and said enough. That we had to talk this out after he returned from a business trip (the night before his birthday). Anyway we started texting again while he was away for 4 days and he started telling me he loved me again but I found a NEW profile on Match.com that he put up while away. I confronted him and he said that he felt scared and hurt by me walking away and me breaking up with him. He removed it immediately and said sorry and we repaired our relationship.
Things were good for the next 3 months. We grew together and got closer, or so I thought. I think he had one foot in and one foot out the whole time. I found out at 9 Months that he was sexting with other girls. He swears he was physically cheating but I walked out again. I felt so broken and hurt. I thought this
Might be the man I would marry eventually and I felt so lost. He tried to talk to me but I refused to listen. I demanded he go to therapy and get help and then maybe we could talk in the future. He said ok but then the next day showed up with all of my things for his apt.
He went back to the dating sites which just broke me all over again and I handled it badly and I yelled and cried. He first came back and told me he loved me and was sorry for hurting me and told me he needed to get his shit together. He told me he didn’t want to lose me as part of his life but I push him away because he wasn’t all in. After than, he shut down completely. That was in June. We haven’t talked soon. I tried to send a text and a fresh start email to him in July which he ignored. I went to his house in August when I thought I was going to trial and he texted me and asked me to leave and not contact him again. I’m Sept, I sent him a pic of my completing a race we had talked about doing together and he didn’t respond. 2 weeks later, I sent an email apologizing for breaking up with him in March and hurting him and not trusting in his feelings for me. That’s when he completely freaked out. He told me “never to contact him again. He has moved on. He is done with this relationship. Do not respond. He may have to contact the authorities if I contact him again”. WTF?? Where did that come from??
I’m very lost and heartbroken and not sure where to go from here. Do I even take the chance of contacting him after 30 days? I know he loves me and I know I hurt him. Other than his ex wife, I’m the only person who has ever left him. But he was a good person. Our communication was just just misdirected and clearly still is.
What do you think??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 15, 2019 at 7:15 pm
Hey Sasha so yes its worth reaching out after your NC if youre going to put in some work on yourself and get to the point where you are happy (alone)
Approach him as a friend as your first contact NOT as getting him back from the start
Baby W
October 7, 2019 at 5:27 pm
It’s been 2 weeks and 1 days since my bf has completely stopped talking to me as when we had a deadly fight with each other, I involved his family ( didn’t do that on purpose but in anger) due to which he said he won’t be seeing me anymore ever in his life. Honestly speaking, I can’t take this anymore. Feels suicidal at times due to this nor did I even attended my classes since 1 month because our fight started from an argument which happened a month ago. I even wrote a letter to him and posted it by my own self straight to his University. Next day on 28th Sept. He gave me a missed call and when I rang him back, Sadly I found that my number was still blocked…. Please, do help me out of my current plight. I shall remain ever beholden to you…
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 9, 2019 at 11:12 pm
Hi Baby W your best bet right now is to seek professional support to deal with your emotions and get your life back on track. Thats most important that you work on being happy again – happy in your own company, happy in your own skin, happy with your life without him FIRST. Then work on getting the connection with your ex and building that up again
S
July 14, 2019 at 8:31 pm
Its been 3 weeks and 3 days since he broke up with me and its been hell. We did not end things well and he was very mean. I made a unforgiving comment that was somewhat true. :you dont act straight half the time anyway: and that’s because he was standoffish allot and didn’t want to have sex with me and was very confusing. Anyway I texted him too soon four days later he was still angry and replied, leave me the f alone I dont want to talk to you ever. Move on. Thanks. Since then I have called twice left a vm once not a desperate one. And texted periodically things like I’m sorry ..sorry for distracting you and just mostly apologizes only two of which were somewhat lengthy. I should probably tell you that a few days after the break up he blocked me on social.media and hasnt changed that since. Do I have any hope or am I just at a loss..I miss the companionship and to make matters worse he lives super close. So I always have the urge to drive by. I stopped by uninvited and unexpected but he opened the door and said I need to leave so I did I had a letter short letter I had written but he wanted nothing to do with it. I just wish I could have some sort of response and corgatlity. Please help.!!
Sarah
April 22, 2019 at 7:59 pm
Hi, Chris!
It’s been one month since my boyfriend dumped me. I was absolutely devastated, and I still am. We were together for five and a half years. I truly feel that we are meant to be together, and I am willing to do anything to show him that, so right now, I’m doing the no contact rule. I’ve seen varying times on different sites, so I’m not sure how long to go. I’m aiming for 8 weeks. But I’m really afraid that no matter how long I wait, he will never listen to anything I have to say. He was really angry when we broke up, and of course I made it even worse by desperately messaging him a bunch (with no response or an occasional “leave me alone”) the first couple of weeks because I just couldn’t accept it; he’d never even given me a reason. So anyway, I’m just really afraid that he will never be receptive to anything I have to say, no matter how long I wait. Is that something that happens? Is there anything I can do if he never wants to listen to me, other than just continuing to wait?
Thanks!
Sarah
Chris Seiter
April 22, 2019 at 8:21 pm
HI Sarah…I am so sorry this has been so hard on you. Visit my website and catch up on some of my articles and podcasts that can lift you up. I think NC is the right medicine. You should consider picking up my epic long eBook, “EBR PRO” as it can help you thru this process.
May
March 23, 2019 at 12:35 pm
Hey Chris!
My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. We had been best friends for years, and he was pursuing me the entire time (I kept saying no to his advances because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship). When I finally said yes, we dated for only 5 months before he said he needed time to himself and he thinks he’s too young for a serious relationship (he’s 20 and I’m 21). Of course immediately after the break up, I did all the dumb stuff I shouldn’t have– asked him to consider giving us another chance, telling him I needed him in my life, etc… However, it’s been 2 months of us not really talking. I’m in a much better place than I was, and I know I don’t need him in my life. Within the last month, I’ve tried to reach out to him. I’ve tried to start conversations, but they fizzle out pretty quick. I’ve invited him out (with other mutual friends of course) and he always says no. I don’t know if I should just stop trying? I’m not even sure I want him to be my boyfriend again, I just miss him being in my life because he truly was my best friend before all of this, but do you think he’s too far gone to try and recover that relationship?
Paige
November 9, 2018 at 1:48 am
Hi Chris,
It has been two months post breakup (I am actually very happy it happened it pushed me to make a long list of changes with myself and my happiness). I have figured out almost all of the issues that led to the breakup, although for the first 4-5 weeks I was on and off contact with him trying to get him to give us a chance. To which he said he does not want to. I am on day 20 of NC and he has not contacted me since the last time we spoke and he said he needs to move on.
In the time since I have had surgery that he knew about and did not say anything, I feel like an idiot for even trying again when NC is up as he already said no. I know that the negative emotions have subsided by now, although he is quite stubborn on this and I think i’m just setting myself up for failure.
Chris Seiter
November 9, 2018 at 3:39 am
Hi Paige!
That is positive that you made so many meaningful changes for the good! Just follow thru with your plan as I advocate in my program. If he chooses not to give it another try, its his loss. And you will know that you did everything reasonable to salvage the relationship. Stand proud for your efforts.
Paige
November 8, 2018 at 9:40 pm
Hi Chris,
It has been two months post breakup (I am actually very happy it happened it pushed me to make a long list of changes with myself and my happiness). I have figured out almost all of the issues that led to the breakup, although for the first 4-5 weeks I was on and off contact with him trying to get him to give us a chance. To which he said he does not want to. I am on day 20 NC since the last time he said he does not want to try and have also told some mutual friends that I am seeing someone else (but made it clear it was very casual and not exclusive). My worry is that I should not reach out after NC as he already told me he needs to move on, but I truly believe he would fall for me even harder this time if he could see how amazing i’ve become.
I can’t help but feel like and idiot if I reach out when he said he needs to move on, and he hasn’t spoken to me since, AND in the time since I have had surgery that he knows about and he said nothing.
Chris Seiter
November 8, 2018 at 11:33 pm
Hi Paige!
My advice to to follow the way I teach NC in my program. There are a lot of pieces to the puzzle. I disuses at length in my eBooks and on my site.
Emily Lai
September 6, 2018 at 3:42 pm
Hi Chris apparently my told me we shouldn’t be friends Anymore and he hasn’t contact me in 2 weeks when I didn’t contact him and I really miss him but when I suggest meeting up with him he last week of August on Sunday he said nope to me then told me that he will see me in school as an expression I really don’t what to do to get him to talk to me and no contact hasn’t been working since he was ignoring me for 2 weeks straight and I haven’t heard from him unless I am the one who had to reach out instead of him and he been ignoring most of my messages so do you think you have any idea of a suggestion I can do about this situations.Thanks so much
Chris Seiter
September 7, 2018 at 3:43 am
Hi Emily!
If what you have been doing isn’t working, time to try a different approach. Perhaps employ no contact, but do it in the sophisticate way I teach. Check out my ebooks, posts, podcasts, and all the resources I have here!
Chana
September 2, 2018 at 6:17 pm
Hey, I’m here again. Call me BeenLosing. My ex and I continued to have sex even after he moved on to another girl. One day she saw me coming out of his house and I told her we had sex. As a result, he said he would never speak to me again, blocked me and that was 11 days ago. Not a peep since. Advice?
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2018 at 8:11 pm
Hi Chana…probably best to go right into no contact as things sound chaotic.
Racheal
April 24, 2018 at 5:36 pm
So I have been broken up with my ex since December. He broke up with me because he didn’t feel 100% about me and me in his future, plus he didn’t want to be committed to me anymore and wanted to see other people. He still texted me after that, But not as frequent. We saw each other still but it started getting less an less. To the point where he told me it would be weird to hangout for while since we are ex’s. At this point I probably went a little bit over board telling him I would wait for him to decide what he wanted. He didn’t like this an pushed me away even more saying he didn’t see a future. And that he wasent ready to commit to anyone. I stopped taking to him after this for about a month and then texted him saying I accepted everything he told me and am just trying to work on myself. He responded we had a little conversation and that was it. I texted him again a few days later just to chat. He responded. And I let him end the conversation. He has not tried to initiate anything since. I still care about him but, I feel like when he gets stressed he pushes me away. Should I give up? Or should I keep trying. I was thinking of initiating a meet up after he graduates in a month. Maybe it will be less stressful then?
Chris Seiter
April 24, 2018 at 8:27 pm
Hi Rachel…thanks for stopping by! No Racheal, I don’t this is the time to completely give up on him. Perhaps he is undergoing a stress period Or maybe the pairing of the you and he is not ideal. I don’t know. Do you have my ebook? It helps with optimizing your chances and part of that is utilizing certain attraction building techniques. You will need to get your emotions in check, if indeed your are struggling in that way.
Racheal
April 26, 2018 at 3:09 am
I agree I am super emotional about the relationship still and I’m trying my best to think with my head about this, even thinking about therapy. I just feel so awkward now that I have texted him and we had short conversations but now he dosent even try to contact me. Should I wait till he initiates or try to initiate again. We were best friends I just don’t know why it’s so wierd to contact him now. I feel like no contact made things real awkward, now he dosent even want to talk to me. I just don’t want to look desperate. And I have been reading your articles about texting but, I don’t know if it will work on him.
Chris Seiter
April 26, 2018 at 3:19 pm
Hi again Racheal…as I cover in my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, while NC is difficult in many ways, it often will produce results. And a big part of the ex recovery process…is your own recovery. If he loves you and wants you, he will be there for you in the long run. So don’t beat yourself up too much. You can’t control everything. Do me a favor, start journaling. Write down your feelings and thoughts. That will help you manage through this process.
Racheal
May 4, 2018 at 11:38 am
Thanks for your advice Chris I have been trying to create space for myself. My ex initiated contact once but it was very small comment on a picture I had posted and we started having a brief conversation after that. My ex’s graduation is coming up on Sunday, he hasent invited me and I probably would look crazy to go. But I can’t help but feel how important it is to show my support because we basically started school together, an later went to different schools. Do you think sending a text or calling would be appropriate or seeing him in person? Ik I’m suppose to be focusing on me, but I feel like a college graduation is a big deal.
Chris Seiter
May 4, 2018 at 3:38 pm
Yes, Racheal..I see your dilemma. It is a big deal, college graduation. So go, look beautiful, but keep a low profile. Give him a text “heads up” that you plan on attending, but tell him you will respect his space. Its a classy move.
Bran
April 15, 2018 at 1:03 am
Can I get a guys perspective?
I recently left my fiance and moved back to CA from the East Coast. We were together for seven years. In the beginning of our relationship, when we would disagree, I would ignore him for days at a time (childish, I know).
He had problems with his ex-wife and she packed up his kids and moved back to the East Coast from CA. This is where majority of our problems started.
He started withdrawing from me and I started trying to pull him back in. We went through a lot of back-and-forth and I even kicked him out of our home a couple times because I couldn’t get control of myself and stop once I got going. We would make up and he’d come home and we’d be good for a bit.
I learned over time to control myself, but anytime we would have a disagreement I’d lose a piece of him at a time.
He eventually started going out after work with a female co-worker and lying to me about where he was. I caught on after a while. We talked about it and he agreed to end all contact with her.
A month later he left me to move to the East Coast to be closer to his kids. He came back but didn’t tell me he was coming back and moved in with the “work fling.” We didn’t have any contact for about six months.
I called him and within a month, we were back together. He made promises to be committed to making us work and I did the same. About seven months later, we both moved to the East Coast. I didn’t like it, so I came home to CA. He eventually followed me back and we were good for a while. Out of the blue, he quit his job and within that same month was gone again.
We almost broke up, but I swooped in and tried to save us by following him back to NJ. We were really good the first two weeks and them BAM… It all changed when I tried to talk to him about me being home sick. I didn’t plan on going anywhere, I just wanted to get it out in the open so I didn’t act on it.
He completely shut down and would not communicate with me. For weeks after I tried getting him to open up and it was like a civilian breaking into Fort Knox. Instead of falling into old patterns and behavior, I tried getting him involved in decision making. It got to the point where I was completely shut out, discouraged and left with making the decision to stay in a relationship where I didn’t know what was going on from day to day or leaving and coming back to CA. I left. He is hurt that I left and is now pretending I am non existent.
How do I get him to open up to me and talk about what’s going on with him so we can start to heal and maybe get back together if this isn’t our final goodbye?
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 4:38 am
Hi Bran…Yep, 7 years is a lot of history…so this chapter of your life is still being written. I sense something needs to change because the off/on pattern is not healthy for the long run. Feelings are hurt and bruised. Have you considered getting some couples counseling?
Cherry
April 8, 2018 at 2:11 am
Hi, my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago, he said because we always argue and not matching, but he know I love him a lot. I still miss him , but someone told me he always looks happy after broke up. Why he move on so fast? 🙁
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 3:56 am
I wouldn’t necessarily trust whoever told you that. I can often look happy go lucky when I’m depressed inside. Human beings aren’t always so black and white.
Lama
April 7, 2018 at 9:02 am
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago thaat was the second time and both times were after that i broke up with him a few days then i got back to ask him if he still wants us to be together and his answer was no i begged and promised and i know i that i did wrond but now its been two months i contacted him several times ..the thing is am doing every thing you’VE talked about and am ok with my life but i still want him but i dont wanta to contact him any more i want him to contact me he did that before but this time it seems far i thought about all my mistakes and learned alot how could i get him to contact me .. he lives near and his friend are all around my area what could i do ??????!!!
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:40 pm
I think you’d really benefit from a strict basic strategy.
Have you heard of my value chain theory?
Kayla Grubbs
March 25, 2018 at 9:09 pm
Hello,
I broke things off with my boyfriend about six months ago because I thought it was the right decision at the time. Shortly after, I met someone who I believe was a big distraction for me while I was having all of the confusion on whether or not I did the right thing. I was happy for a few months and I began to become unhappy because I realized I made a mistake of leaving my ex. My ex found a rebound girlfriend however. I made contact with him about a month ago and he started by calling me back several times and unblocking me and reaching now and admitting that he still loved me and has now flipped the switch and is cold as ice to me and blocked contact. I would really like to try and fix our broken relationship but there are obviously a lot of roadblocks. What can I do to try and fix my situation?
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:20 am
Well, the basic first step even if you were the one to break up with him is to try a period of no contact.
Kayla Grubbs
April 3, 2018 at 3:16 am
I have started doing that, I don’t plan on reaching out for another few weeks. What’s the best way to move forward with reaching out?
Chris Seiter
April 4, 2018 at 12:53 am
Curiousity!!!
Seriously, you need to have some curiosity hook in a text message.
Kristen
March 11, 2018 at 11:07 pm
Hello,
I’ve had a few texting conversations with my ex. They are all pretty short. My question is how can I get him to talk to me more throughout the day? I try to make the conversation interesting but he either doesn’t reply at some point or he will take 1-3 days to answer. His responses are all positive/neutral and they’re pretty long, like he will write a lot. Anyway, I want to end on a high note/cliffhanger but I can’t because there isn’t enough buildup for that. How can I leave him wanting more if we don’t send enough text messages? Also, it’s hard to be the one to leave the conversation because he doesn’t answer quick enough for it to be a “conversation”. So I’m always the one waiting for his reply instead of him being anxious for mine. We haven’t talked about the relationship at all and we haven’t flirted yet. What can I do? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 14, 2018 at 5:00 pm
Hi Kristen,
How many texts have you exchanged when he stops replying? What topics are you using and how long have you been texting?