Making an ex commit to you is no easy task.
This is especially true when they reside themselves to believing that they don’t want anything to do with you.
So, how do you make them commit to you, assuming you want them back.
Well, that is the question that I am going to be answering in this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast!
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Important Things Mentioned In This Episode
- The interdependence theory
- The importance of investment on all levels
- How society views dating and why it holds YOU back
- Rome success story
Lavanya
January 4, 2021 at 7:59 am
Hi chris…
My boyfriend has an avoidant style of attachment. Plus he doesn’t commit. He says he loves me wants to have but ll simply doesn’t commit. Initially I was on no contact rule. All through those days he contacted me. Though initially all was good, I became so easy for him to get. Again I have fallen into the trap of becoming anxious. He now knows he can have me. So he is evasive when it comes to commitment. I confronyed him saying i am not into for a time being relationship and I need a long term. We will talk when you decide ot to b long term. Aftr 12hr long silence he sent be a video of his playing and asked me if I did see it and I didn’t respond it’s been two days since I spoke to him. Should I go on short term NC and start all over again I have no idea as to what to do and where to start from. Please give some advice
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 15, 2021 at 10:20 pm
You need to go into a 45 day no contact, and do not reply to anything or watch anything he sends you in that time. You need to ignore all attempts that he makes to speak to you so that he actually realises that you are no longer waiting for the breadcrumbs that he is giving you. You want a long term relationship then you need to show him you are a high value woman, who he has to work for.
Tumie
May 1, 2018 at 7:19 am
Hi Chris
My ex and I broke up January this year I did no contact for a month till mid Feb then we’ve been on and off on the friends with benefits, his convinced I’m surly dating someone els, I’d stop sleeping with him and tell him we shouldnt see each other, he would say OK then start stalking my messages, he says relationship are demanding and he doesn’t feel it with in him to commit, his having different girls, his watching series and focusing on studying , his more on self time, but whenever we meet his on and on about me having someone els, is he playing mind games, or what? We were friends for two year and dated 2 years, if I look nice he gets jealous and assumes I was with a man, I’ve been sleeping with him, when I stop contacting him he’ll start asking for his clothes or frequently checking my statuses, should I try NC again or move on?
Chris Seiter
May 1, 2018 at 5:02 pm
Tumie…it sounds like he is immature and/or wants to have everything his way without making a commitment. I don’t think that is sustainable behavior for a healthy relationship. He pushes you away…then gets jealous. I think you should try NC again and tell him why. Explain you have been through a lot and want to focus on your own healing and get more centered with what you want with your relationships going forward. Just keep it vague like that. But give him a heads up so he knows what is going on. Perhaps this will push him to reflect on what he really wants in life over time. I also suggest you go pick up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” (at my website Menu/Products link). It is a very comprehensive Companion Guide on all things “breakups” and will help you immensely.
Let me know how things work out for you Tumie!
Tumie
May 2, 2018 at 11:15 am
Hey Chris
I must say its a great pleasure to have a direct response from you, I’m soo excited and feel so motivated to push forward, thank you for your response, the only problem is that I blocked him last night on my social media, should I unblock him and send him the message or should I just continue with NC and read your book?
Chris Seiter
May 3, 2018 at 1:31 am
Hi Tumie…always good to hear from you! Yes, the books I write are intended to help people with recovery in so many ways….their own recovery and potentially their ex.
What a few days, then unblock him. Then proceed with NC.
Ash
September 8, 2017 at 2:12 am
I’m confused on what to do , me and this guy have been dating seriously for about a year and a half but we’ve known eachother 2 1/2 years . We’ve had our up and downs but we love eachother and care for eachother a lot . We do everything a regular couple does . We spend at least 3-4 days out of a week toghter. Sometimes not even not have sex . So I know it’s more then just sex with us …
We recently had a bad ” break up” we call it but it’s not really because we weren’t officially toghter . After we reconnected 2 weeks later. we didn’t tell eachother we love eachother as often as we did before so one night I asked if he still loved me he said ” Yes I love you , and of course I care about you but I’m not ready for a relationship right now ” I didn’t even ask about a relationship so basically I’m wondering. What to do ? Should I do NC so he can miss me ? Or was that basically my answer on how he feels ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2017 at 9:50 pm
HI Ash,
so, basically you’re like friends with benefits because you sleep with him but you’re not official.. Yup do nc, but do it more for yourself not just to make him miss you.
Kate
August 27, 2017 at 12:31 am
My ex and I had a messed up breakup but we started hanging out again recently and I felt like I needed to tell my ex how I felt. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship and how he was maybe moving to the other side of the country.
Things have changed now and he is not moving and has started to ask me to hang out and initiate contact. So I wanna ask? Was him saying he wasn’t looking for a relationship my answer or do I have a choice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2017 at 1:39 pm
Hi Kate,
if he wants to hang out after saying that, that means you’re friendzoned
b
August 1, 2017 at 2:27 pm
On and off for two years, he had a specific “type” of girl who wasn’t me, but we have an insane connection he can’t find elsewhere (all according to him). He always comes back to me and says they dont “compare”. Currently hes asking me to put my life on hold while he chooses between me and another woman. Would the method mentioned in the article my ex boyfriend and i still hook up, the break off, be useful in making him jealous, or would it just push him to walk away citing that he doesn’t want to infringe on my happiness? I was not able to comment on any other articles.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 1, 2017 at 5:25 pm
The question is, are you happy being the second choice and being treated like his friend with benefits? Because the more you’re willing to be in that situation, the more you’re conveying you don’t have self respect. Do nc for yourself..not to make him jealous,.not more for him but for yourself.. If he doesn’t commit, it’s his loss..
b
August 1, 2017 at 2:18 pm
On and off for two years, he had a specific “type” of girl who wasn’t me, but we have an insane connection he can’t find elsewhere (all according to him). He always comes back to me and says they dont “compare”. Currently hes asking me to put my life on hold while he chooses between me and another woman. Would the method in a previous article (I still hook up with my ex and how to get him to commit), the break off, be useful in making him jealous, or would it just push him to walk away citing that he doesn’t want to infringe on my happiness? I was unable to comment on that one.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 1, 2017 at 5:25 pm
The question is, are you happy being the second choice and being treated like his friend with benefits? Because the more you’re willing to be in that situation, the more you’re conveying you don’t have self respect. Do nc for yourself..not to make him jealous,.not more for him but for yourself.. If he doesn’t commit, it’s his loss..
Annie
July 11, 2017 at 6:45 am
Great article! I have a question about no contact – is it always necessary to break the no-contact after 21,30, or 45 days if your ex hasn’t contacted you? Do you have to make the first move to break the no-contact? I’ve been posting great pictures on Facebook that a lot of our mutual friends have liked and I’m about to go on vacation and I’m sure he will see all this on social media. Since he’s the one who broke up with me, I feel like if he can see on social media how I’ve improved my life after the breakup, wouldn’t he be the one to get in touch with me since he did the breaking up? Do I really need to get in touch with him? I feel like if he sees that stuff and doesn’t reply, he’s not interested? Or could it be he may not know if I’ll give him another chance so I SHOULD break no-contact first? Thanks =)
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 12:08 pm
Yes, you should initiate and then continue improving yourself and in posting while slowly building rapport..