I get asked a lot of questions every day.
Chris, I miss my ex boyfriend so much what can I do to get him back?
Chris, I am in so much pain from my breakup, it hurts so much…
Chris, when will I start seeing results…
Now, the thing you have to understand about me is that I have been doing this for half a decade and have literally answered thousands of questions around this topic in my life.
It’s rare for me to stumble across something that I haven’t seen before. But the funny thing is that I don’t think that the general masses of women trying to get an ex back will benefit very much from me taking a question that hasn’t been asked by many people and answering it.
Instead, what I have decided to do for this article is take one of the most frequent questions I get on a daily basis and deconstruct it so I can give you a path to follow to get results.
Sound good?
So, what is this question?
Well, it’s not really a question so much as it is a mantra that people say when they are struggling with a breakup,
I miss my ex boyfriend so much and I want him back!
So, I’ve decided to divide this article up into two sections so I can actually help you with getting your ex back in this particular circumstance.
- Why missing him is actually a big mistake…
- What to do to get him back now…
Ready…
Set…
GO!!!
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Look, I get it.
You miss your ex boyfriend terribly. You dream about him just about every night and are filled with a sense of undeniable dread upon the thought that he will never hold you again.
He plagues your every thought and whatever you do you can’t seem to get that damn idiot out of your head.
That’s why you are here, right?
You are in so much pain that you are seeking to make sense of it.
Now, let me tell you why you shouldn’t give in to anything you are feeling right now.
But first, I’d like to tell you a little story. My story about an experience I had with a woman named Carol.
You see, Carol was one of my very first coaching clients ever and I was terrified that since she had paid me all of this money I wasn’t going to be able to live up to her expectations.
I literally remember sitting in my office the night before preparing by coming up with very specific questions to ask her. Hell, I even started reading psychology books trying to brush up on lost knowledge.
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And if that’s not enough I became terrified that I wasn’t going to remember my own advice to her. You see, Carol had stated that she had found out about me by watching this video that I had posted on my YouTube channel,
I was terrified that I wasn’t going to be enough for her.
(I’m an over-preparer by nature)
Now, to put this story in its proper context I need to explain a little how my coaching sessions work. While I can certainly see the benefit of email coaching and things of that nature I find that it is generally ineffective. So, all of the coaching I do is over the phone or on skype.
Call me a sucker for the dramatics but I like to hear your voice when you are talking about your breakup. I like to get a sense of how much it really means to you and you just can’t get that over an email.
For example, if someone tells me that they haven’t gotten any sleep because they have been crying non stop I kind of disregard it because I have heard that a million different times from a million different women.
But if I get on the phone with you and I hear your voice trembling, trying to hold back the tears. If I hear the inflection of your voice when you tell me that you miss your ex boyfriend so much because he was your best friend it has so much more of an impact on me.
It makes me want to work harder and do a better job for you.
It also gives me a sense of where you are mentally.
Now, originally I wanted to do only 30 minutes of coaching over the phone. I don’t know why but for some weird reason I had actually convinced myself that, that was going to be more than enough time for me to get in, do my thing and get out.
It wasn’t, and that was a lesson that Carol taught me.
What I Learned From My Coaching Call With Carol
I try to be as logical as possible when dealing with breakups.
I like to hear your situation and come up with an actionable game plan that you can use to see results (even if those results are small.) That was how I tried to approach my coaching call with Carol.
But what I didn’t expect was the emotional nature of the call.
I just remember her starting out by saying,
I miss him so much but he has a girlfriend, is there hope?
And for the next 30 minutes, the entirety of the coaching call, Carol went on and on about her situation.
She told me that even though she misses him so much it’s been a year and she feels like there isn’t any hope.
She broke down and started crying and told me about how their relationship used to be and that’s when I realized something,
Carol has no one to talk to except me.
Her friends and family have told her that she’s better off without him but she doesn’t feel like it.
I also realized that she had absolutely zero chance of getting her ex back.
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All she did during her coaching call with me was talk about how much she missed her ex.
How she couldn’t breathe without him…
How she didn’t know if she could contact him or not…
How she just thought there was no hope…
But all I could end up thinking upon hearing her talk was,
“Hmm… I wonder if her ex boyfriend is thinking this about her.”
The answer I ultimately came up with was no.
He isn’t thinking about her like this and that is a problem. You see, in a perfect world if you are trying to get your ex back it would be Carol’s ex having the freak out and not Carol.
I have this theory that relationships is mostly about investment.
The more invested you are the more into the person you are.
I even put together a pretty nifty graphic to hammer my point home,
You can see that with this graphic there are really three things that I want to cover with you here today,
- You putting in more investment than your ex
- Both of you putting an equal investment into the relationship
- Your ex putting in more investment than you
Let’s start from the top.
You Putting In More Investment Than Your Ex
Now, I know what you are thinking,
Wait Chris, isn’t that symbol in this section of the graphic wrong?
Actually it’s not.
What I have found is that if you put in more investment into the relationship than your partner does then your partner starts believing that they are better than you.
They start believing that they don’t have to do as much to keep you around and that can make your life extremely difficult.
It’s no mistake that most of my coaching clients have put more investment into their relationship than their partners.
Both You and Your Ex Are Putting An Equal Amount Of Investment In
This is kind of the dream, right?
I mean, here we are on equal footing.
You are putting in investment and your partner is putting in investment.
Everything is in harmony,
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(You’d get this refrence if you watched Buffy!)
It’s in this area of the graph that we start entering into the “getting him back territory.”
You see, getting an ex back who is investing into your relationship is so much easier than getting him back if he isn’t.
However, if you were to ask me to create a perfect scenario for success I actually wouldn’t want you to fall into this category. No, I’d want you to fall into our next category.
Your Ex Is Putting In More Investment Than You
This is kind of where I want you to be if you are going to embark on this journey to get your ex back.
Now, do you want to hear the ironic part?
Well, the ironic part is that often if you are lucky enough to find yourself in this category you will find that you aren’t as interested in getting back together with your ex anymore.
“Hold your horses… How does that work?”
Well, think about section one where you were putting in more investment than your ex was.
What happened?
Well, your ex very rarely becomes interested in a relationship with you. In fact, he becomes very disinterested.
Every great writer has a saying,
The intensity of suspense is proportional to our emotional investment in what is going on
In other words, the more investment there is in a character the more you care about what is going to happen to him/her.
Well, if your ex has no investment in you then he probably isn’t going to care about you. The same can be said of you to him. If you do manage to get him to put more investment into you than him you may find yourself a little disinterested.
Now, this is the perfect segue to my next point.
How Are You Supposed To Get An Ex Back Who You Miss So Much
I want to start this off by framing this in the right way.
I get that you miss your ex.
I get that he plagues your thoughts and you feel like he has ignored you and your every attempt to get him back.
I get that he dumped you and has even stated that he doesn’t want you back.
I get all that.
What I would like to do is take that exact situation.
A situation where you miss your ex so much that it hurts. Where he dumped you and has ignored your attempts to reach out to him.
And teach you what to do to give yourself a fighting chance to get him back because in the end that is all I can provide you.
With all my knowledge and experience in this field the one thing that becomes clear every time I put together a plan for someone is that I am not a miracle worker.
Sure, some of the people that I have worked with and who have succeeded in accomplishing their goal may think so but for every success there is a failure.
I want you to understand that going in.
Once you have reconciled that notion in your head I’d like to start by taking our teachings and expanding upon them.
Right now this is probably where you are at when it comes to investment,
The fact that you are sitting here reading an article about missing your ex boyfriend so much tells me that you put a lot of investment into this relationship with your ex.
However, something tells me he isn’t doing the same thing with you.
Therefore, he has this sense that he is better than you. He thinks he can have you whenever he wants and that is a pretty massive problem because in order to get him back we need you to be here,
In other words, we need to find a way to make him put a maximum amount of investment into the relationship while you take your foot off the pedal.
Of course, when I say it like that it sounds so simple, doesn’t it?
Trust me, it’s not.
Which is why I am going to teach you the secret sauce for how to do this.
Show Me The Secret Sauce
In order to understand where I am coming from you will probably need a much better understanding of how my process works. Therefore, I’d highly recommend you check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
Now, I am not going to say it is a prerequisite per say… but what I will say is that what I am about to break down here is kind of advanced and if you aren’t in the know of how my process works you won’t know some of the finer details like when you should put this into action.
Got it?
Ok, let’s begin!
I am a big fan of letting things unfold naturally.
I always feel that attraction is much more seamless that way.
There is nothing more unattractive than someone trying to force something that the other party isn’t ready for.
I’ll give you my favorite example.
Let’s pretend that you are on a date with a guy. He is relatively good looking and seems to have a decent job. He is confident and assured of himself. He has also taken you to the nicest restaurant in the city for your very first date. After some basic small talk you see a group of violinists coming over to your table.
“Hmm… that’s odd” you think to yourself.
They begin to play.
You take notice of your date as he gets up from the table, gets on one knee and begins to propose to you,
“(instert name) I know we just met but I already feel like I have lived a lifetime with you. Would you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me.”
Now, let me ask you.
Would you say yes to that creep?
Probably not.
But lets change the situation a bit.
Lets pretend that instead of this being your first date with the gentleman it’s your hundredth. You’ve been dating for a couple of years, are madly in love and have even moved in together.
Would you say yes then?
Something tells me you would.
What’s the difference between the two scenarios.
Well, one is rushed and one isn’t.
Investment works the same way. It isn’t something that you can rush. It’s something that you have to take a slow and measured approach with.
The Slow And Measured Approach
Now would be a really great time to have a discussion on the different types of investment.
The way I see it is that there are three different types of investments that we are going to be trying to get from your ex,
Physical Investment: Any type of physical thing that your ex will give you to show you that he cares.
Emotional Investment: A type of investment that comes from how your ex feels about you.
Time: I don’t think it’ll take a rocket scientist to figure out this one.
The first concept I’d like to talk about today is the synergy between these three forms of investment.
If you can get one working for you then you can get all working for you it’s just simply a matter of time (pun intended.)
You’ll notice that “time” is one of the investments I have listed above.
Well, that is the first step to this process I am about to teach you.
Step One: Getting Him To Invest Time Into You
I don’t care what you say time is our most precious commodity.
It’s the only thing you won’t ever get back and if you can get your ex boyfriend to invest it into you then you have a fighting chance.
Now, why am I making such a big deal about getting an ex to invest time into you?
Well, it’s because it’s the easiest form of investment to obtain from your ex. I mean, think about it for a moment, it might be too big of an ask to get your ex to get you flowers, right?
But having him text you…
Having him talk on the phone with you…
It sounds pretty easy by comparison.
Once you feel he has invested enough time into you then we can move on to step two.
Step Two: Physical Investments
The thing to remember with physical investment is to start off small and build up from there.
The first thing I would encourage you to do is obtain an end goal of physical investment. In other words, I want you to come up with what you are trying to accomplish out of a physical investment.
Now, just to put a few ground rules on this your “end goal” shouldn’t be to sleep with your ex. That’s more emotional in nature and not at all what we are going for here.
Instead, I am going to use having your ex send you flowers as an example.
So, assuming that you want your ex to send you these,
We need to start off small.
- Try to get him to hug you first.
- If you accomplish that then you can try to get him to hold your hand.
- If we are a go there then we can try to start priming him for flowers.
- Send him subtle hints that you love flowers.
- Do everything you can to make it obvious without losing your tact.
Step Three: Emotional Investment
And now we come to the grandaddy of investment.
I defined emotional investment as any type of investment that defines how your ex thinks about you.
As a general rule of thumb you aren’t going to start seeing positive emotional investment unless you have already done some work in the physical investment and time categories.
So, this one seems to have a few prerequisites.
I suppose the thing you are most interested in hearing about here is how you can get him to tell you how he feels.
Well, I am a big fan of location impacting conversation.
If you put him in a romantic environment then it makes sense that he is going to be more likely to open up to you.
Ah, and never forget the most important aspect!
Don’t be afraid to leave him wanting more 😉 .
Linda
February 11, 2020 at 9:15 pm
Hey I’m completely new to all this but I dated someone for about 2 months. The relationship was complicated because he is much older than me and it made my mother disapprove of him. One night we were hanging out my mother called knowing I was with him and made me feel like complete shit about the relationship. This call happened in the bedroom next to his. I was so upset in that moment that I went to his room and just said for us to be strangers . We argued and as soon as i left his house I told him I didnt mean it. It was an impulsive reaction and that I still had feelings and wanted to be with but no answer. Then the next day he shops at my job and as soon as he saw he turned back around. Then a few hours later I text him telling him how sorry I was but that I still had feelings and want another chance . That was my last message which was 2 days ago. But no answer. The incident was 4 days ago. Idk what to do. Is it over ? No chance of getting him back ? I’m 23 hes 41.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 15, 2020 at 5:11 pm
Hey Linda, so I think with a situation where your mother is controlling who you see, (at the age of 23) then you need to consider if you should be listening to her, or listening to yourself about who is going to make you happy, who is going to love you for you, who is treating you right. IF your ex gets back in touch agreeing to get back together I suggest you do not make him feel he is hidden from your family, or that you are putting their feelings before your relationship. As an adult you are able to make your own choices and if they are mistakes then so be it. But it is your life to live, if you live your life to make your family happy you may find that you are unhappy most of the time
Jordan
May 14, 2018 at 5:44 am
Hey again…. my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 13 days ago and I have been in no contact for 13 days successfully….. when we broke up he said he was “sorry for not communicating more, you deserve better”… he had told me to “move on” and said we needed time to heal… the next day he said he didn’t want to date anyone else, that he loved me (he didn’t think it would hurt so much if he didn’t) and still believed our relationship could be saved (he actually changed his mind and said we would take a break for the month of May) …we ended up going on a date the day before me, had a good time, and ended it saying “I’m sorry I want to break up”… he deleted me off social media after viewing my feed and has been in contact with my mom asking how I am….. we lived together for 2 years and only recently (December) had moved back in with our parents to go to school… we’ve been each other’s first for everything (literally, he was Jehovah’s Witness so every holiday was a first) and right now I am missing him so bad it hurts…. I’m doing everything you’ve suggested (I’ve lost 18lbs, and am going on a couple of dates to boost confidence)… it’s killing me not knowing how he feels since he hasn’t contacted me… when I’ve spoke to his sister she says that we both need to grow ( and I agree).. I’m working on myself, and I know theres not an easy way for you to answer this but…. why doesn’t he contact me? Does he even care about me at all (did he ever?). Why is it that men bottle emotions and then choose to selfishly breakup with you as opposed to trying to work things out?…. also, I know you’re very stuck on 30 days, is this a 21 day no contact possibility? This person is my best friend… why is it so easy to throw everything away?
Chris Seiter
May 14, 2018 at 3:18 pm
Hi Jordan…I am quite adaptable when it comes to the NC period (21-45 days is the general range). Remember, an important part of the NC period is to focus on your on healing and get to a place where you learn you don’t need him, if it comes to that. Some men can be selfish and insensitive. Sometimes immaturity plays a role. And breakups are never without suffering. So I am sorry this is so hard on you, but you have made some great progress with some of the things you are doing. And if at the end of this process, you guys don’t come back together, just know there are always other paths for you to be happy and find someone who is more compatible.
Jordan
May 14, 2018 at 6:34 pm
Thank you Chris! Always appreciate your insight!
Rachel
April 26, 2018 at 2:13 am
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I broke up two nights ago. He cried with me as we said our goodbyes that lasted about 6 hours. Yes 6. It really pained him to break up with me but it needed to be done, we were fighting about anything and everything. I didnt ‘beg’ necessarily, but I did say things along the lines of “I get pissed off too but it doesn’t compare to the thought of losing you.” Nevertheless, we were done. So of course I started the NC rule right away as it has worked for me in the past. And now he just texted me saying how much he missed me…it’s been two days. I do not know if I should respond this soon, tensions are really high and I’m really upset still, and now he’s throwing me onto an emotional roller coaster. Do I respond? If so, what do I say?
Chris Seiter
April 26, 2018 at 2:38 am
Hi Rachel…thanks for swing by. Space is what is needed. Space for you each to be alone to sort through things because the relationship was becoming toxic. Take a look at picking up my comprehensive ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (website Menu/Products link) as it will help you on both sides of the breakup equation. The recover side (healing) and the rebuilding the relationship. He doesn’t realize it now, but the No Contact Principle will help him too. Just so he knows what is going on, you can give him a short response….a heads up as to where you are in your thinking. Tell him you feel that what is best right now is you need time and space to heal and so does he, hence you won’t be responding his his messages for a spell. Ask him to respect your decision and this this is not a forever goodbye, but your way of healing and finding a better “you” and he should do the same.
Rachel
April 26, 2018 at 3:31 am
Wow thank you so much for the quick response! I ended up saying “I understand. My head is really fogged right now. I don’t think we should be in contact until tensions die down. I’m sorry.“ I feel that if I didn’t message him he would think I was being petty so I’m glad I did. Thank you for your help
Chris Seiter
April 26, 2018 at 3:11 pm
Your welcome…if you need further help, just go to my Product Page and you will see all the resources there. These breakup situations can morph into all kinds of directions and ways, so it’s best to come up to speed on the best ways to manage it!
Rachel
April 30, 2018 at 12:19 am
Chris, I think my message just made him mad, he seems to be pulling away now and interacting with other girls on social media…
Chris Seiter
April 30, 2018 at 2:57 pm
Just execute all the things i talk about during the No Contact Period. Guys go through stages during the breakup period and test things out in search of what they think they want. But the times with you will always be a pull on him.
Rachel
May 2, 2018 at 1:56 pm
So I was reading our old FB messenger feed and in the right hand side there’s a button to send an emoji of a thumbs up and it sends automatically when you click it. I accidentally clicked it and sent him a thumbs up emoji. I immediately sent him “I didn’t mean to send that, I’m sorry.” And he responded “it’s okay…how are you?” It has only been a week and 2 days since we broke up, I’m still trying to implement the NC rule. It was a complete accident and now I don’t know what to do
Chris Seiter
May 3, 2018 at 1:07 am
Respond back and see it where it goes. Nothing serious. Just make a joke (something like “I am doing super fantastic…kinda!)
Bree
December 8, 2017 at 8:44 pm
Hi, me and my boyfriend (ex boyfriend) broke up 6 days ago. We had been dating for a year and about 3-4 days. We were so happy in my eyes, nothing was ever wrong, we were the kind of couple that couldn’t bare being apart for too long because we just would miss each other so much. Neither of us really had other friends since we both had recently moved to the area, it was always just me an him. We hung out 2-6 days a week, it depended. He was so loving and caring. We shared so many laughs and memories, we even went to California together for a week, and we both treated each other the same. We took each other on dates. We were happy. Fast forward to a few days ago, we were celebrating our year, he came over Saturday I made dinner for him (he helped cook too), we were happy and cuddled that night and he stayed over. The next morning I was feeling a little bit frisky but I guess he didn’t (normally he was touchy feely and I didn’t mind that) but it had been a little over a week since we had done anything and I was getting scared he wasn’t attracted to me. I started crying and said I was sorry (he was holding me close and petting my hair during that), and then I said I wasn’t upset that we werent having sex, I was scared that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and that I felt like I was losing him. Just trying to talk it out. Well, instead he started crying, and said that he’s been having some feelings come up since our year (the 30th) and he just felt like he could not ignore them, and that he cares for me so so much and that he loves me, and I told him I did not quite understand what was happening, he said that the only reason he was staying was because he cared for me so much and he said that was not fair to me. I tried to act understanding but I was sobbing, my entire world is crashing. He held me and kissed me and was crying himself. We were holding eachother for probably an hour before he left. I haven’t seen him since, he has not initiated contact since, the night of the breakup, I texted him to tell him goodnight for a last time and how wonderful he is and to never give up on his dreams. He replied saying it was “the hardest choice he’s made to make the right decision” and that he cares for me so much and that I should stay strong and that he hopes someone can give me as much as I deserve. We said our goodbyes, and then 3 days of not talking I texted him saying how much I missed him, and he said that he misses me so much and that my pain has been on his mind non stop, but if he came back it would be for the wrong reasons and he knows it will take some time for me to let go. And that it was hard for him losing his best friend.He said he was sorry for sculpting this mountain I am going to have to climb. The last texts I sent him was “always much love and care for you in my heart” “call me if you ever need” “take care.”
And he replied
“same goes to you truly, you have done so much more for me than anyone has ever in my life, and I appreciate the times we have had, till next time”
and here we are 2 days later. I have not contacted him even though it is foremost on my mind. I miss him so much as he was the only person I had to talk with, and same goes for him about me. I cannot begin to think about moving on, it makes me feel so sick. People tell me that I should move on, even his sister whom I contacted and she said he’s hurting as well and he just doesn’t think he can give me what I deserve. I haven’t been able to eat in the past 6 days, just very minimally. Every morning I wake up I feel like I am being choked from the anxiety I feel in my chest. I miss him so much and It hurts so much. People also tell me it sounds like we will get back together in the future, and that he may just need time (since were young, I am 19, he is 20) to me this never mattered, because it felt so right. We could spend days together and not get tired of each other, we did everything together. We had talked about getting our own place together in July of 2018 and we were always excited about it. I know there is no other girl involved positively. I just cannot seem to grasp on that it is over, it doesn’t feel like it should have even happened. I keep thinking if I never said anything we’d still be together and would have gotten through it all. I feel so sick, I feel so useless, and I am extremely depressed. Anything that I used to enjoy I can’t even do because we used to enjoy it together not so long ago. Thinking about myself with another person in the future is unfathomable, makes me feel so ill. All I want is him, and by the way he texted me saying he was sorry… I don’t think he’ll ever be back, not for the way I need. He was the love of my life, and he’d call me his. I need guidance on how to move on or atleast some hope that he may come back. Because I don’t know if I can do this, I don’t have family or friends to surround myself with and I am so terrified for this weekend because I will be alone to wallow in my feels. I don’t want it to be months and months of no contact, I just want him back in my arms.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 11, 2017 at 11:32 am
Hi Bree
See a therapist, and check this one:
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
Allison
November 30, 2017 at 4:27 pm
Hello,
My ex broke up with me 9 days ago after over a year of dating. I spent the night with him the night before and we woke up the next morning and made plans for the following day only to end up breaking up that evening. He said that he just doesn’t see it being a long-term thing and that he can tell my feelings far exceed his. He also stated that this was a very hard thing to do because he still cared about me and liked me so much. I have used the NC rule and not spoken to or seen him since the breakup. However, our friend group is very close knit and I will probably see him sooner rather than later. He reached out to my best friend asking if she would extend an invitation to his birthday dinner this weekend so that I wouldn’t be left out. What are the chances of us getting back together
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 30, 2017 at 8:47 pm
Hi Allison,
It depends..have you tried our quiz?
Hannah
November 21, 2017 at 7:11 pm
Hey I have written a few times on here but haven’t in a while and I am just looking for advice.
Me and my bf broke up 2 months ago because his family asked him to because of different culture. Anyway, we kept in contact after a month of breaking up and then he dropped a bomb shell on me that had been on a date. I was devastated and ended our friendship. 2 days later he messaged me saying he made a huge mistake and that he loved me still and it was all too soon. But in those messages he told me he wanted space. Now that was on the 28th of October. Since then we haven’t spoken but I have caught him checking my stories on what’s app and Instagram still even though we aren’t friends on there , it tells me he has viewed them. But still no messages or anything from him. What’s the best advice you can give me? It’s nearly been a month of NC even though it was on his terms. Do you still think I stand a chance or should I just forget it and move on. Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2017 at 2:55 am
Hi Hannah,
Make it 45 days and do posts that just stays there unless you erase them.. continue improving yourself even after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport.
Jennifer
November 20, 2017 at 11:09 pm
Thanks for your reply to my post. I do want to be friends with him as our core values are the same except for the virginity thing where he can’t wait but that won’t matter if we are just friends. Now that I’ve completed NC (where we both have not talked for almost 2 months) I know I have to contact him first since he is still entangled in his lies and can’t contact me. What is the best way to reach out to him? Do I call and text calling him out on his lie so we get that out of the way as he is hiding since he lied about the real reason we broke up? Or should I reach out with something that might pique his interest ie.. asking him for help with something where he will wonder what it is?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 23, 2017 at 1:06 am
If you really just want to be friends with him then whatever his break up reason was shouldn’t matter anymore to you..bringing it up is not going to help start a friendship.. Just a casual initial text is ok
paula
November 19, 2017 at 8:35 pm
Hi Chris. My ex and I dated over a year. We broke up quite recently, almost a month ago. I tried doing the NC rule. He said things were different and he is sorry for not staying in love. I respected his decision and asked him to go if he wanted to. Prior to that we had spoke about our future plans together, before the break up happened. Recently, I contacted him, because I was curious about certain things and what he said didnt make sense to me. He told me that nothing changed, he isnt seeing anyone or anything, but its just distance. He doesnt know how soon he will be back, but if the opportunity ever presented himself he will come back to see me. I love him and I know he is sincere. I am stuck because I really want to wait for him, but I dont know how to tell him this for fear of him thinking that I am needy which will seem unattractive, rather I want it to come from him. How do I do that? Also, he recently started working and struggles with paying his fees for school so he barely has money to save for a ticket. Next year, hopefully he will be done with school and he will be working. How do I make him continue to keep intouch and even beg me to wait for him till that time?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 21, 2017 at 6:57 pm
Hi Paula,
Restart nc, do at least 30 days, be active ib improving yourself and in posting in sites where posts stays during and after nc while slowly building rapport
Mariska
November 19, 2017 at 4:35 pm
I miss my ex so much we have been together for a year then he broke up with me its been 7 monthes now and i still miss him everyday! He says he still loves me but he does not k ow if he wants to be with me again, i dont know what to do anymore i did nc but it did not work
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 21, 2017 at 6:54 pm
Hi Mariska,
When did you do nc,how many days did you do nc, how active were you in improving yourself and in posting?
Iceland
November 16, 2017 at 12:20 am
At what point should I let go?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 18, 2017 at 2:19 am
Hi Iceland,
it depends.. if you feel you want to move on, of course you should do that.
Jade
November 14, 2017 at 7:54 am
Hi I need your help, I was with my boyfriend 1 year and 8 months and I broken up with him last week. He was the best boyfriend I could have wished for, so trustworthy romantic and caring, always wanted to spend time with me always went on dates, surprised me with flowers and presents, until 4 weeks ago he started a new job I helped him get which is now more money… I felt he was being abit shifty and I couldn’t understand why then I found out he has been speaking to a girl from work and they had arranged to meet and I caught them out, luckily before anything happened between them, I’m so distraught as it’s very out of character for him to do something like this when our relationship was perfect, he claims he is so sorry and was begging for forgiveness over text, then I ask to arrange to meet and talk things through and he’s like ‘don’t know’ to everyday I suggest… so as a result I have blocked him from everywhere two days ago, I’ve deleted all his pictures off social media, he’s kept some pictures of us both but deleted some other ones, is there anything I can do to try win this back round and maybe no contact will work? It’s just so hard to let go when the relationship was unfaultable besides these 4 weeks
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 18, 2017 at 1:23 am
Hi Jade,
do you want to try the no contact rule? And check this one too:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
K
November 13, 2017 at 7:01 pm
My ex broke up with me over three months ago because I came back to the US after studying abroad in his country. We dated for almost a year. I was and still am a complete mess over this because I’m completely in love with him. We never did a no contact period and still contacted each other every single day, as we were doing the whole “friends” thing. He knows I still love him but he keeps telling me to find someone new, as that is what he is going to do. But we will text each other for hours on end back and forth about anything and everything. Even though he keeps telling me to move on and be happy, in the same day, he’ll tell me I’m beautiful and cute and say sexual things he wants to do to me. These types of texts coming from him are super frequent. And because I’m weak and still love him, I play along with it. Like I said before, he broke up with me over three months ago but we talk every single day. Up until about four days ago. It’s funny because that’s exactly when I tried starting the no contact rule. But yesterday I gave in and texted him, asking him if he was well. It’s been over 24 hours and he hasn’t read it or responded. I’m just a nervous wreck thinking about all the possibilities of why he’s not replying when he ALWAYS does. This is the longest we’ve gone without corresponding since we’ve been apart. He doesn’t use Facebook or social media so I can’t tell what he’s up to. Is he ignoring me? Should I be worried? Should I try NC again? I want to get him back more than anything since we had a great relationship. Any advice would be appreciated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 17, 2017 at 8:23 pm
Hi K,
Yes, you should do nc at least 30 days.. be active in improving yourself and in posting.. if you’re not friends or he unfollowed you, make your posts public.
Jennifer
November 13, 2017 at 7:04 am
Hi! I read the “what guys are thinking during a non-contact” post and I realized my situation is different than everything listed. It’s been a couple months since the guy I was seeing told me he needed to figure things out as an ex came back in his life but I found out he was lying about an ex coming back, the real reason is he realized he couldn’t wait as I’m a virgin and he didn’t know how to tell me this as he had originally said he could wait. I tried NC for the last couple month and have NOT reached out to him yet but of course he hasn’t contacted me either because he not only can’t wait for sex but feels guilty about lying to me as it goes against his core principles so he has run away and probably will never contact me again. He is a good guy just didnt know how to handle the situation. What do I do to get him to come back in my life? I may or may not be ready to give him sex but I miss him and want to at the very least be friends! Suggestions please.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 17, 2017 at 7:32 pm
Hi Jennifer,
check this one:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)
Tran
November 13, 2017 at 3:55 am
Hi Chris. I loved this article. This is really helpful . I find it to be talking to me because I’m in the situation. The more I put my time and energy into our relationship, the less I get nothing from him. I have learnt how to make him afraid of losing me by improved myself with full of success in my life. Now I get over him.
Jane
November 13, 2017 at 2:38 am
You’re right Amor, I suppose that he took me for granted and that’s the worst for getting him back but…how can I combine being ungettable and being there? I need to beat long distance and his barriers about that but… It’s difficult. I am afraid he could met another girl… And I know him, he needs to feel wanted and loved… I don’t know how to be the UG but at the same time get him to miss me and opens up emotionally to me…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 17, 2017 at 7:28 pm
you have to slowly build rapport while you continue improving yourself and having your own life.. and being active in posting.. always be the one to end the conversation at high point.
Jane
November 13, 2017 at 12:58 am
(I didn’t text him again after last week, as I said, when he doesn’t anwser, I never insist, I’m not a GNAT. It’s been six days and he didn’t respond, but I just wait…afraid and scared but…I don’t know what else I can do to reverse the situation)
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 13, 2017 at 2:11 am
the key is not “just waiting” because you have to keep in mind being ungettable. It’s his loss, not yours, if it doesn’t work out because you know you’ve done what you can without compromising self respect.. Chasing is never attractive.. It’s good that you’re not a gnat but being always there, especially when someone takes you for granted, shows that you’re chasing to keep him..
Jane
November 13, 2017 at 12:54 am
I was wrong, he didn’t blocked me. But he is ignoring me…he does it sometimes and always come back but I am afraid he is done for good and willing to move on completely… How can I set my foot at his door?
I am afraid of NC, last time wasn’t working, as I said, I think that it makes it worse, because I make easier for him to forget me with his brand new life…
I am working hard in my social media game doing and posting many interesting things but I don’t know if he is paying attention to me…
Lea
November 12, 2017 at 2:36 am
Hello,
this will be a little unusal situation but I would appreciate your help/advice.
I met him online and we’ve talked for a month, every waking hour. I fell for him eveoun though I didn’t know him in person. It seemed he fell too.
We were in different cities and I went to meet him finally. After two hours in which seemed that he likes me, he told me that he doesn’t want be a reason for me to live in a city I hate and he hates LDR. I told him I could stay (it’s my hometown but I moved becuase of personal reasons) and somehow, we kissed, slept together that ninght… and we spent two more days and than he decided to broke it off. He said again that he will be fault if I stay in this town and that he isn’t a good guy and that I should run from him. He never told something like that while we were texting and talking over the phone. Suddenly, he puts all these bariers and shields and even though he broke up with me, he was hugging me and beging me to let him kiss me, which I did finally and we spent whole evening kissing and him hugging me and telling what an idiot he is. But he didn’t change his mind.
I made a mistake and sorta begged him to change his mind. We slept again and I completely lost my mind and begged him again and then he told me he doesnt see me that way, that he was bad in sex with me and that he can’t satisy me and that he simply doesn’t like me more than a friend.
It was only a few days in person and whole month of texting and talking, but could I get him back? Or is it doomed because he rejected me immediately? Does NC work in this case?
I would understand that he rejected me the first night and said that he doesnt like me, but I cant understand this behaviour. Why all that kissing and hugging and being sad if he doesnt want me? He said that he was sad because he wasnt sure if he made the right decision and he thougt he needs more time to like me but i called that bullshit because you cant kiss someone like that and hug if you see him as a friend.
What do you think? And what should I do? Does it make any sense to try anything?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 13, 2017 at 1:44 am
Hi Lea,
nc is not guaranteed to work in any situation. It just helps increase your chances. You can still try nc if you want. How long were you together?
Jane
November 9, 2017 at 8:01 pm
I’ve commented in another post. My ex and hay were in athe kinda friends with beneficts but LDR situation last mobths (ee broke up almost a year ago and after NC we started to text each other more and…our last situation recently was that. He admitted that if we were in the same city we could have another chance. Sometimes he didn’t replay in a few days but there was some balance about who initiated contact. But a few days ago I texted him and I don’t get any answer. I wouldn’t worry because as I told, sometimes he waits three or four days. But now…maybe I’m being paranoid but I am afraid he may blocked me. I didn’t tell him anything weird in the last text (he even left it unread, he does it sometimes until he is going to respond). I am very scared. He is in a new city with a new job and new house and I am afraid he may want to completely move on and left mw behind. Just one week ago he texted me in a very intimate way and told me that he was thinking about me… But I don’t know… if he really blocked me, he only did it in whatssapp, nothing more. But I don’t want to contact him in any other way or try to text him again via whatssapp to prove if he really blocked me or not. I’ve never been a GNAT and I’m not starting today. As I told you in another post, last NC didn’t work as well as it should (he contacted before the period ended but because something important happened to a mutual) and I am scared that he is thinking “out of sight, out of mind”. Again, I’m not sure if he blocked me but if he did, he is trying to left me behind and move on despite our closer relationship last months and weeks.
What can I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2017 at 11:43 pm
Hi Jane,
restart and do a last nc and stick to at least 30 days.. Take it as a restart.. Assume that he has moved on from you..