A breakup can be one of the most traumatic experiences one can go through in their life.
A question a lot of our clients ask us is if a breakup ever gets easier.
The direct answer is that going through a breakup will eventually get easier for you.
However, when that starts to happen depends on a lot of different factors.
Most studies have suggested that people will start to feel better three months to six months post-breakup.The length of time depends on how serious the relationship was and the reason for breaking up. For example, a very serious relationship that lasted 4-5 years is going to take you a longer time to move on compared to a relationship that lasted a few months.
Along with this, you also have to consider the reason for breaking up.
According to our surveys, we have found that it’s more difficult for people to move on if their exes have wronged them in any brutal way. This is because it sticks with you longer as it becomes personal.
Suppose you and your ex broke up because they cheated on you; it’s going to leave a mark. An extreme example could be you catching your ex cheating by walking in on them with another person.
That scarring image of seeing them with that other person sticks with you. You might not want them back, but it doesn’t mean that the journey of getting over them will be any quicker.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow Can You Make Yourself Feel Better Faster?
There are various ways that you can make yourself feel better after such a breakup. We have devised three core concepts that you can implement to get over your breakup faster, or at least get to a place emotionally where you’re not as heartbroken or disturbed by the breakup as you are right now.
The Three Core Concepts To Adopt For Feeling Better After A Breakup
- Understand The Knight and Shining Armor Principle
- Create Positive Momentum
- Live for More Than Your Ex
Let’s dive into the detail.
The Knight and Shining Armor Principle
Society has become programmed to get instant solutions because of social media. People expect to go to a forum like YouTube and type “how to get your ex back” and get a foolproof plan that works every time.
This ultimately means that you’re looking for a “Knight in shining armor” to fix all your problems. This is the wrong approach to look at your reality.
Instead of expecting a knight in shining armor to come and consistently solve all your problems, you need to become your own knight in shining armor.
Over the past decade with our numerous clients, we’ve noticed that they expect us to solve their problems directly.
When we instruct those clients to become independent and take charge of their issues, some take offense, which is an example of missing the point.
We noticed from our success stories that people who could become their own’ knight in shining armor’ got to a place emotionally where they could outgrow their ex.
Outgrowing your ex does not mean forgetting your ex, but it means you grow to a place emotionally where you’re okay if you don’t get them back anymore. Sure, you can want them back, but we aim to get you to a place where you are content with not getting them back.
That is the key component we found strung together with almost every success story.
Our surveys indicate that around 90% of success stories exhibited the mindset of getting over their ex.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe stark reality is that it’s a very flawed thinking pattern when you start looking for someone else to make you feel better. Everything that you are going to do starts from within.
Instead of looking at other people to solve your issues, whether your friends, a relationship, family, or even a relationship coach, realize that ultimately no one will solve your problems except you.
Create Positive Momentum
This is a concept that gets lost under the surface a lot. The most important part of making yourself feel better after a breakup isn’t by saying the right thing or doing the right thing, but by taking these two things in cohesion. We mean that you must say the right things and do the right things consistently, together.
Only through this can you create what is known as positive momentum.
The best way to exemplify this is by focusing on the concept we call The Holy Trinity.
This concept states that you divide the quality of your life into three distinct qualities:
- Health
- Wealth
- Relationships
The beauty of the holy trinity is that all three elements are interconnected.
This means that positive things in one correlating aspect of the holy trinity will impact the other elements in a positive manner.
However, the reverse is also true, meaning one negative thing can negatively impact the other two sections.
This phenomenon can be picturized through a breakup. When your ex breaks up with you, the relationship aspect of your holy trinity gets heavily impacted.
This can mean that you become so emotionally distraught that you stop going to your workouts and do not want to get out of bed.
You stop caring about your diet.
Instead, you start consuming a lot of junk and even dwell on habits like drinking alcohol.
All of this means that health has taken a very negative hit.
When your health takes a negative hit, you do not feel good about yourself and start compromising your career.
You start calling in sick, missing deadlines, and showing an overall poor performance at work.
Finally, wealth has been impacted too.
As we mentioned earlier, the reverse is also true.
Here is where creating positive momentum comes into play.
You will need to work backward and focus less on fixing things with your ex. You can shift your focus towards pushing yourself extra hard in the health and wealth section. You could take on a new intense workout routine or take up new projects at work. After doing this, you will see how things start to fall in place, building further from there.
Working out more and eating better will make you feel better, directly transcending into the work aspect. Feeling better and healthy will make you more confident and passionate at your workplace.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOnce you get consistent at this, people like your boss will come up to you and appreciate your efforts, your gym partner will notice your growth, and before you know it, these changes will affect your other relationships. Your friends and family will come up to you say things like. “wow, you look so good and you’re doing so well.”
All of a sudden, you have supreme confidence. This is the best way to become your own knight in shining armor and create a consistent positive momentum flow.
Live For More Than Your Ex
One of our biggest issues is when our clients or followers might be showing agreement to our lessons but are actually not absorbing anything at all. This happens most when we mention the concept of ‘living for more than your ex.’
Our clients repeatedly ask us how to outgrow their ex or how to get to that magical place of success stories. Ultimately, this place is nothing more than a paradigm shift people adopt where they realize that their entire life is not about their ex.
For example, if you were a solar system, you would want to be the sun.
However, when you become so obsessed with the idea of your ex, you become the earth, and your ex becomes the sun (i.e., the center of your universe) as your life constantly revolves around them. This is what we are trying to outgrow.
You need to find other things in your life that you were just as passionate about or more passionate about than your ex. Not only will this make it look like you have a more fulfilled life, but you will also feel fulfilled yourself.
Ultimately, the meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.
We must let go of the idea that there must be one singular answer to why we’re here. We are truly here to have meaningful lives, positively impact the world, feel fulfilled, accomplish things, and ultimately create a magnum opus out of our life.
We’re big fans of the magnum opus concept, which refers to one’s own legacy.
The best way to live for more than your ex or live a life where your ex is not your top priority is by figuring out what you want to be remembered for.
Most probably, it is not this singular relationship with your ex.
After all, you are a human being, and you have a lot more that will create meaning in your life than just your ex. Figure out what it is.
Conclusion
It is evident from our client base that getting over a breakup is something most of them struggle from, especially those with anxious attachment styles. Not everyone wants to win their ex back; however, that does not mean they are getting over the pain of the breakup.
It is pivotal that you understand that a breakup does eventually get better.
You must understand that factors like the intensity and length of the relationship coupled with the reason for the breakup will ultimately decide when you feel better, but you eventually will.
You must consider the three core concepts we have outlined for you and use them in a way that works best for you.
First and foremost, you must become your own Knight in Shining Armor.
Looking towards other people to come and solve your issues will never work out. Relying on friends, family, or even a relationship coach completely will only mean you fall back to unhealthy patterns again. You must become independent and start to outgrow your ex from within, and only then can you start the journey of making a breakup affect you less.
Secondly, you must Create a Positive Momentum.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou will need to start by doing and saying the right things consistently. You must recognize the three pivotal sections of the ‘Holy Trinity’ in your life. Once you take charge of your wealth and health and work extra hard on them, the fruits of these efforts will automatically translate into the relationship aspect of your life. You will start oozing confidence, and hence a positive flow of momentum will be created.
Finally, you must learn to Live for More Than Your Ex.
Ultimately, you will need to realize and accept that your life does not revolve around your ex. Your relationship with your ex was not the goal or the meaning of your life. You will only succeed in doing this once you chase things you were passionate about before your ex and immersing yourself in them. Once you start finding meaning in anything, whether it’s work, art, sports, fitness, business, or anything in between, only then will you realize that being with your ex was not the ‘meaning of your life.’
Aja
April 2, 2020 at 12:50 pm
Can you drop a link to the Facebook support group? I didn’t find it!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 2, 2020 at 2:03 pm
Hi Aja, you can not just buy access to the group it is bought through also purchasing the Pro as you need to understand the program fully before speaking to others who are also in the group. I can post the link for the products section I hope this helps. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/exboyfriend-recovery-pro-system/
Jacob
October 8, 2019 at 2:56 am
Little late to the party here but I want to talk about it. My girlfriend and I split after 3 & 1/2 years last week. She started grad school 3 states away this fall and I still had a semester to go in my undergrad. The plan was always for me to join her there once I finished school. She has been thriving on her own in grad school and she realized that she wanted to see what life was like outside of us. I’m not mad at her in the slightest. I want her to live her best life but damn it hurts to plan your future around another person just to have it fall apart before it even begins.
Lynnly Kirkman
July 10, 2019 at 10:22 pm
My ex and i broke up after almost 2 years. We broke up because i had trust issues and let my anxiety get to me and worry about nothing. He told me he loves me and continues to but says that we shouldn’t be together and i deserve better than him. I always try and promise that we can fix things but all he wants to do is throw in the towel and hang with his friends. He would never do the things he does now with his friends but since he broke up with me he doesn’t stop, non stop running. I feel so hopeless because i love Him and would do anything for this man. I just don’t know what do to now. I don’t want to move on but he’s forcing me. But i also don’t want to cut him off because im addicted to his presence.
Charlene Hale
March 24, 2019 at 6:03 pm
We had a great and happy relationship, we where together for 2 years. He was good too me and he made me happy. But things got complicated towards the end, as his attitude had changed due to his bad anxiety. And he was on the attack me verbally when ever I wanted to talk too him about anything. And to this day I don’t hold that against him. As we broke up 3 weeks ago on good terms. It was mutual agreement. No nastiness or bitterness from either of us.
But we then decided to give things another go, but it just didn’t work. Because we felt it was going to get complicated again and it wouldn’t fair for either of us to go through it again. But OMG I miss him.
I’ve never missed anyone this much. I’ve had relationships in the past. That where ok.
But because of what we had. Our relationship was great. We got on so well. But because he suffered from bad anxiety, when he got into his frame of mind and he kept getting frustrated with me. And was verbally taking it out on me. And It was slightly effecting me and our relationship. And I suggest about calling it a day and he agreed because he was worried that he wasn’t hurting me. And that’s why we failed to try things again. But I miss him. And I miss what we had. My emotions are all up and down. One minute I’m ok. Then next I’m crying and all I want is for this to get easier. I’m practically being quite hard on myself and trying to get over this. I work a lot and go to the gym as well. I live on my own. But I’m quite active as i like to keep busy. But when I get some down time, my emotions get the best of me. And I start to dwell on it. And I cry and cry.. I don’t have his mobile anymore, I haven’t kept any of the pics of us. I will admit, I msg him on messenger. But I’m not friends with him on Facebook. Letting him go is so hard. He knows I miss him, and he admitted that he misses me too. But we’ve already said & explained to each other
that we cant get back together. Due to the reason being. But how do let go. I’m fighting everyday to let him go. And It’s so hard. My feelings tend to get the best of me. And I hate it.
Anna
March 7, 2018 at 2:57 pm
My ex and I were together 4 years and in that time we always talked about us in terms of forever, always. I am 18 years older (52) than he (34) is and while I tried to push him away in the beginning saying our age difference would matter in the future and he may want children he was insistent all he wanted was us. While the ahe difference is significant he looked older, I looked younger- no one knew how many years were between us to look at us. He loved me so completely, I gave in and was the happiest I had ever been in my life. This year he admitted he was starting to think he may want children after all. In November we started consulting with a fertility clinic and I think it scared him when he pictured the future. He said things like when the baby graduates high school, you’ll be 70 and I’ll be 52. I’ll go from taking care of our kid to taking care of you.
In December, we broke up. He held me, we cried, we said how much we loved one another, he held my face, we kissed and said goodbye. That was the last time I saw him. Week 1- he was still texting he loved me and was sorry for hurting me, I was amazing and didn’t deserve any of it. Week 2 – he became cold and said he thought we shouldn’t communicate for a little. Week 3- he told me he began to date someone he had gone to high school with and they “reconnected shortly after we broke up,” I should move on too. He blocked my cell and blocked me on fb. Week 5 – she posted they are “fb official” in a relationship (a friend told me) – they are 34? Do adults do that? I had not spoken to him for a month. I emailed him and said if he was happy, I could be happy for him and asked… so are you happy babe? No response.
I had cried every day for 2 months, I needed to find a way to let go of this man. I sent him an email letting him know how much I loved him and our relationship, being in love with my best friend was an amazing way to spend 4 years. I said if he wanted children, I understood why he chose to end our relationship and agreed with the decision. I thanked him for every beautiful memory saying some people go their entire life and never experience a love like ours and I said goodbye. He responded that he loved me too and agreed with everything I said. In the past month we have emailed sporadically – initiated by me for various reasons necessary or just because I miss him and find a reason. He always responds playfully or with a nod to a memory of us.
Our last exchange he asked me to tell our dog he loves him and misses him so much. I said I would and offered to meet at a dog park for an hour or so. He said it would still hurt too much, it was making him cry just thinking about it and it was killing him that day. I said it was ok, I still had those days too sometimes. In truth, everyday. It will be 3 months and I still cry everyday. I know we still love each other, I know nothing has changed about our age difference, I just don’t know how to let go. I go out with family and friends, I exercise, I’m in counseling, I try to stay busy… I still feel devastated by the loss. I just want my love and my life back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2018 at 8:50 am
Hi Anna,
If you’re in counseling, that’s good but you have to accept that he’s not going back and this is a new chapter in your life..
Michelle
March 3, 2018 at 8:48 pm
My boyfriend has broken up with me. We have been dating for 2 years on/off first year. I wanted children and he was struggling with the idea. He has a child from a previous marriage. Finally after 6 months of internal conflict, it combusted and he decided to end it 3 weeks ago. We were going in two different directions, and he couldn’t handle it.
I have been in NC for 2 weeks. The first week was hard not to call and get closure. So I called and cried, we stopped talking on a bad note. A week goes by and he writes me a heartfelt email explaining why it had to happen even though he misses me so much.
I did not reply.
I’m not sure what to do. I keep holding on hope that he will miss me so much it will make him change his mind about building a family together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 7, 2018 at 12:12 pm
I’m afraid he already answered that Michelle.. He said he misses you but he also explained the reason for breaking up with you..
Beonka
March 2, 2018 at 9:12 pm
I’m in a place where my breakup affects me every day. I barely eat, I find myself crying out of nowhere. My ex has completely destroyed my heart. He’s with a new girl who’s a college theater student and he takes her out on dates and claims to be in love with her. I told him how I felt and I said it hurts because he was the love of my life and he gets mad and says “you aren’t in love with me” “I’m not the love of your life” then he goes on to throw his new relationship in my face “He’s in love with her and he desires a future with her. He has done something like this before with his first son’s mom, told me he was in love with her etc but he wound up coming back. But now it’s so bad because our son is involved and it’s like he doesn’t care at all. He said he doesn’t wanna talk to me because it’s too much drama (we argue because it’s like he’s completely neglected his responsibilities to our son to hang out with this new girl and her acting friends) He won’t talk to me, we can’t communicate, he lied to me about the girl when I first found out but now it’s like he takes pride telling me he’s in love with her and doesn’t want me. I’ve tried everything. I want my family back but it just seems impossible
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 6, 2018 at 10:04 am
We can’t make another person change..it will always be their decision, and if it’s because of you, just be grateful.. That’s why you gotta have standards and practice it so you can choose the right people..check this one:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?