How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”

Kim

December 11, 2013 at 4:50 pm

I came across this site in hopes of helping a friend out. After reading this article I feel very confused about my own relationships. I dated my ex boyfriend for 6 years, but I eventually broke up with him because he shows absolutely no emotions at all…NONE. I am not your typical female. I am cool calm and collected. My sister says I leave a string of broken hearts. I always remain cool and never become the text gnat. Usually my ex bf’s are chasing me and being the gnats. Anyhow, none of my tactics work with my current ex and for the first time I became the text gnat. This was so out of character for me that I felt that if I didn’t break it off with him I’d lose all respect for myself. He’s a hard nut to crack. I literally have to stop talking to him for months and he’ll eventually come around. But even when he comes around it’s so unemotional. We broke up for a year and it literally took us 6 months to get back together. He takes his time with everything. I think this is one I’m letting go. There are other fish in the sea. The patience it takes to deal with him isn’t worth the return on my investment. Love reading your articles. You are giving good solid advice that I wish most women would follow. If we all acted this way in solidarity we would have men spinning and begging us to be with them…lol.

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:55 am

A string of broken hearts huh. Make sure you stay away from me then b/c I like my heart intact ;).

Would you like me to point you to the guide on getting over an ex?
Kim

December 12, 2013 at 5:44 am

Your safe…lol. I didn’t leave a string of broken hearts on purpose. I have broken up with men before, but mostly men broke up with me for whatever reason. Then they were shocked and couldn’t believe that I respected their wishes, picked myself up and moved on. So they’d start trying to get me back and usually by that point I was over the whole situation.

I have a soft spot for some reason for my current ex. So, I just read your post on getting over an ex. Great advice. I’m about 4 months into no contact. I think I’m on the right track. He has contacted me, but honestly I think sometimes men contact us when we don’t communicate with them just to make sure we’re still on their string. I’m not playing that cat and mouse game. Last time I did this he was sitting on my porch crying when I came home. (The only emotion I ever saw him show in 6 years). I’m prepared if this happens again. I do think you’re offering good advice on this site on how to get your ex back. Me personally, I’m at a point where I’m walking away. 6 years is a lifetime of dating someone:) and I’m not going to manipulate someone to be with me. I have been doing a lot of healthy things for me and worrying about what makes me happy and healthy. It still hurts a little, especially around the holidays, but this short term suffering will be way better for me in the long run. I have been asked out, but I didn’t think I was ready for all that. Maybe in a few months. Thanks for all your insight.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Ironically that happens so much .Men breaking up and then regretting their decision.

timara

December 11, 2013 at 1:23 pm

Sorry for the lenght and thanks for reading.
my ex bf of 2years and 8months cheated on me a year ago,came back early this year,we got back and we dated again for 10months before breaking up now.though we got back we weren’t all that rosy because of our constant quarell over the past. before our final breakup of which he initiated,I had doubted him a lot most especially when his ex gf(the one he cheated on me with) came into the pixture after 10months of them(my bf and his ex)not seeing or contacting each other.what actually made me doubt him that finally led to the breakup was that he texted her,though it was a casual text but I kept wondering “why on earth would he text her if he didn’t have any emotions left for her?”I confronted him with this issue he was angry that I went about digging up more information(because he had atleast told me he met her at the party but never made mention of the text) he asked for the snitch and when I refused to open up,he moved for a breakup.saying he couldn’t take it anymore.I called him back to aplogise but it ended up in more argument.in our rage during the break he said I was hard to please and that I’m unappreciative and that I make him feel not good enough.I appreciate him very much but maybe in a way my actions made him feel otherwise bks I had acted in all the wrong ways due to the feeling I had that he didn’t love me again and he gave out some vibes in his attitude to make me think that way.I complained a few times but not much changes were made,he wud say sweet things and probably act well for a while but later goes back to his old self.what I needed more was actions and not words.so,his attitude made me become needy,clingy,putting up drama to get attention,wanting him to call more often,feeling not valued,insecure and paranoid,he always said that all I was feeling were in my head and that I should stop over analysing stuffs and reading meanig out of nothing that he really loves me and has never put in this much effort into any girl ever and he wud apologise for cheating saying he was only discovering himself and is terribly sorry for causing me such pain.though my actions were to secure what we had and to make us stronger but I ended up smothering him and pushing him away the more.. I remember what led to the final break was because I was suspecting him a lot and I equally accused him of wanting his ex back after he had bumped into her,he denied wanting her back saying he only texted her to checkup on her nothing more and that he had no feelings towards her,but I doubted he didn’t have feelings towards her.he got mad saying I didn’t trust him,he then requested for the snitch when he saw that I wasn’t ready to tell him who it was that gave me the information,he brokeup saying he couldn’t go through this anymore,that for 10months I couldn’t still trust him.called him back to explain things but he got more irritated. Anyways, after he broke up with me,within a week I had already begged and cried for two consecutive times of which he still stood his ground,my pleading I guess got him more pissed and he asked me to stay away form him for a long while;that he was hurt and needed to heal.he equally said during our arguments that he lost emotions for me and that was why things weren’t all that rosy.don’t know how true that is bks he had equally said that though he still loved me very much and would hurt seeing me with another guy but he didn’t want us to date and wasn’t even in the mood for any relationship yet,he equally said that I subjected him to a lot of trauma,that he tried for 10months(after we got back) to make me trust him but I couldn’t.after all that, we had a closure and ended things on a good note and he said some sweet stuffs. I still wanted him back so I initiated the NC rule and did it well,though it was interrupted lastweek’s friday(29th of nov.) when he called me asking for a help with something of which I helped him in,but all I did was on a casual tone.and after that day’s call I didn’t call or contact him and he didn’t call or make any form of contact as well. Towards the end of my NC rule,I got dead scared of calling him because a male frd of mine had called me on the 2nd of dec,telling me that he got to talk with him about how my relationship with him(ie my bf) was going,he said bad that we had broken up and when my friend asked him how bad it was he said that he doesn’t think there’s a possibility of us getting back,most especially because he’s scared of being subjected to such treatments again..my frd equally asked him to calm down and think it through but he said there was nothing to think through and that he has honestly lost intrest.I feel all that was just to for him to hide his emotions but I also feel somewhere in my heart that I have lost my first love forever.he wasn’t a saint because he did hurt me in some aspects,though his actions triggered my reactions,I was majorly wrong for not letting the past go and for always bringing it up in a fight. Now in the 1month apart I was prepared to call him but was scared of him rejecting me again.I still love him and getting any rejection from him will only but depress me more.the time apart gave me the space to meet other great and nice guys and girls but I still want him in my life.the time apart equally helped me to examine what went wrong and to re-evaluate the relationship.I’ve equally worked on myself in ways I went wrong and I’ve never been better,I really want to make him know I’ve changed and would want to work things out,and for him to change in some aspects too,but I don’t know how to go about that. After one month of no contact,I finally summoned up the courage and texted him (a well composed text)it was more like a bait, and he fell for it bks he called me almost immidiately after the time I sent the text.we talked and he even asked his frds to speak to me to prove a point.(That was on a friday)he sounded excited aswell so I guess that was a good thing.he ended the call saying he was busy and would call me when he got home but he never did,not even the next day and I too didn’t contact him till this morning when I called him to say happy sunday and to remind him to go to church.I ended the call with the statement that I would call him back later but I haven’t and issn’t even planning to till further notice which I don’t know when that would be,I’m doing so because I do not want him to only miss me but to anticipate the call and possibly chase me or call back(QBT)plus I do not want to appear all too needy,desperate or available.In all that(both my text and call) I’m trying to apply the patience and logical thinking and hope it works.that’s just the two times we’ve made contact after the NC rule and since that sunday(which today being wednesday,will make it 3days of not speaking)he still hasn’t called back and I don’t know when to call him again.
Now I want my man back even more loving,more committed and attracted to me before next year if possible before christmas (bks before all these ish,I had an xmas surprise for him which I still intend keeping)but I don’t know how to go about this,because he isn’t even making moves(its like he doesn’t even miss me).I’ve begged and I’ve been turned down twice and looking at how things where I might not really have chances to go after him again not only because he has lost intrest but because I might send the wrong idea to him.what I was hoping for is to do things to make me want me again,to attract him to me and me alone and to make him come back begging;more of chase me now.all I’m saying is that I want the tables to turn around.let him do more of the chasing. I don’t know what to do and that’s why I need your help. He’s a very clever guy so he might know my moves and draw further away and he is equally stubborn so I fear he wouldn’t want to make any moves even if he misses me. So please help me get my man back and not just his oldself but a new and more committed him.what’s your suggestion as to my next step?thank you a million times.

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:48 am

How long have you been in NC for?

Rachel

December 10, 2013 at 8:08 pm

So day 3 of no contact and I bloody cracked… Only because he asked if I had deleted him… I said that I was having a break… He said from me?
I replied from everything. I wished him all the best and that. I would be in contact. Silly mistake??

I just don’t think he will miss me.., I don wonder in his head if he felt it was over months before… But then we were meant to be buying a house… I’m so confused right now….

He has already started flirting with a work colleague on his fb, which a friend showed me… I always has my doubts about this person and now I feel like it so obvious! Please help

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:20 am

Not super bad but its not a positive thing.

It’s going to be ok though.

anonymous

December 10, 2013 at 8:12 am

Hello chris! You should be sick and tired of me by now. Haha. Just thought i’d share my story here.

today i just realise that all these hype abt me trying to win my most recent ex bf is exhausting. It got me comparing with my previous ex bf. Whom i was on and off with for 10yrs. Yes 10yrs he chased after me. Since i was 14yrs old. Hahaha. What did i know abt rshps then. Anyway. I realise i never did anything. He was always coming back to me. Saying none of the Ladies he dated so far drove him as crazy as i did. Okay. The thing is. We were kids back then. We never celebrated birthdays together. Never really went out on a proper date with each other. Probably twice? In a spam of 10yrs? He’d chase after me. Only to lose to me to another man time and time again. He’d NC on me for a few mths; at most a yr. And then try again. Till a few mths back. He came back and asked for my hand in marriage. Which i decline.

amazing isnt it? Maybe he just loves the chase. I dont know. Hahaha. Btw, he was a complete call and text gnat on me each time he came back into my life. Essays after essays proclaiming his undying love for me through messages.And im not exaggerating. Hahaha.

So you see. I cant help wondering if i can leave the same effect on him with my most recent ex.

I seemed to leave the same effect with a few men too currently. Some just gave up after i refuse to reply to their msgs and calls. Only for them to try again a few wks or mths down the road.

But i cant compare them to my most recent ex. I was the complete psycho on him instead of him over me. Hahaha.

I’m only at day 2 of NC! Back to NC again after i went crazy on him. Do you think i still have a shot at winning him back even after he said he no longer has feelings for me and doesn want me back? Wishful thinking But if he keeps his rshp with the new lady a secret, it means he’s unsure and not serious abt her? Its okay to keep rshp private but not a secret. Least in my opinion. Why would he care abt my feelings if he’s “so in love” with her.

Okay. Done ranting for now. I truly applaud you for reading my comments and rants time and time again. Hahahaha.

admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Day 2 woot woot (hey you gotta start somewhere hahaha.)

Have you read my latest guide?
anonymous

December 11, 2013 at 3:29 am

Yesss only been a few days. Day 3 now. But i did NC on him for one mth before. Only to screw up my chances with him after i went psycho when he said he was dating others and no longer had feelings for me. How long should i do NC this time?

Also, in 3 days time, he will be working in the same company as me! Different dept though and chances of me seeing him are quite slim since my company’s rather big. I was thinking of texting him somewhere along the lines of “all the best for your new job, etc” or should i stay in NC longer?
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:41 am

Maybe shorten NC a little bit this time BUT you need to do a better job in your interactions with him.
anonymous

December 12, 2013 at 1:47 am

So do you think i should send him a msg wishing him all the best in his new job etc? I’d be in NC for only a wk by then.

Also, i was wondering if he will notice my absence this time? The first few times, i did NC on him, he’d reach out to me usually after a wk at most. Not sure if he’d realise my absence this time?
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:04 pm

No I would do something like that AFTER NC is up.
anonymous

December 12, 2013 at 7:19 pm

So stick with doing NC for 30days again? Eventhough i alrdy did 30days NC on him before?
admin

December 13, 2013 at 6:59 pm

No just wait a week of NC and try again.
anonymous

December 14, 2013 at 3:53 pm

So after one wk, i can try to text him all the best in your new job etc? And end the convo prematurely?
anonymous

December 17, 2013 at 11:02 am

Okay so i texted him after a wk of NC (second time of NC) i said all the best in yr new job etc. He replied saying thank you. I then said i got to go, will text you later. He didn reply. 6hrs later i text him (jealousy text) asked him if i could get a male opinion on something. He replied what is it? I then said “i have feelings for this man. And was thinking of getting a present of some sort for him. No occasion though. What do you think will be a nice gift?” He replied ” i dont know” i replied “he often buys me things and i feel bad, any suggestions?” he replied “nope. Because i also dont shower you with gifts” i then reply “why do you sound like you’re comparing yourself to him.” He replied “Haha. Okay. Then i dont know, sorry”

I didn reply him after that. and this morning he texted me “ya hi. Gd morning” i texted him 3hrs later “hello. Gd morning to you too”

And thats it! He didn reply anything. I dont know what to text him anymore. Why would he even send a gd morning msg and not follow up the convo? Anyway what should i do next? Send memory texts? More jealousy texts?
admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Umm.. memory texts I think.
anonymous

December 13, 2013 at 1:28 am

Also, how do i make him fall in love with me again? My gut feeling says that he really has no more feelings towards me. Is it possible to reignite his attraction towards me? Esp since now he’s dating someone else. Its been almost a yr since we broke up in april. He could have been dating others for more than 6mths. It may not even be a rebound 🙁

I have tried texting him reminding him of our gd memories etc. But apart from that, i get really stressed out on how to keep his attention or what to talk abt.

Will NC work on men who doesn have any feelings towards their ex? They wont even realise her absence will they?
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Have you read my guide on it?
LF

December 18, 2013 at 10:58 am

What’s your guide on re-igniting feelings of attraction?
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:56 pm

I think its the guide for making him fall in love with you.
anonymous

December 12, 2013 at 2:14 pm

Sorry! Before this i’ll hear frm him after at least 2wks of nc. I dont know if i should reach out to him first by texting him the “nice all the best in your new job” or continue NC longer. The longer the NC period, the more likely he’d notice my absence right? Or will he be too busy with his new gf to notice abt me? 🙁

Do you think i should just send a one time gd luck msg and just end the convo, continue back to NC?
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm

Nope I wouldn’t even reach out.

Rachel

December 9, 2013 at 2:47 pm

Ok he is already txting me after 1 day with x on the end of the message… This is really hard I think in being really mean but I need to stick by guns… It’s only 30 days

admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Good for you! Stick by your guns.
Rachel

December 9, 2013 at 4:54 pm

Ok his last txt was…. I won’t bother you again…. Take care what do I do… I feel like I’m loosing my best friend

Sydney

December 8, 2013 at 9:41 pm

I’ve read all your guides on here and even have your e-book, but I guess I’m having trouble putting everything into practice.
I try to always have a plan before texting him-thinking about what to say, how to say it, when to say it, etc., but none of my plans work out the way I want them to because you can’t 100% predict what the other person will say or do (actually, only one of my plans have worked out the way I wanted it to haha).
I just can’t get him to chase me. I’m always the one who texts first and the majority of the time, he doesn’t stick around long enough for me to be able to build a quality conversation with him for me to try out the QBT theory-and honestly, I don’t know how to build a quality conversation. I’m chasing him, which is making me too available. How can I be ungettable and have him chasing me if I always have to be the one to text him first for us to talk?
The last time I texted him was on friday, I sent him a picture of my dog’s ridiculous haircut-which he responded to once positively, then hours later I asked him if there were any good movies out to watch and he said “no 🙁 I’ve been thinking the same myself” then I replied saying “that sucks :(, I can’t sleep without a movie” and he said nothing after that. So, I don’t know what to do now? Any advice?

I also would just like to say that your advice and your guides have been extremely helpful. I love your NC rule! Before I did NC, he was ignoring all of my texts. After NC, he would respond to me but he would take an hour or more and it would always be neutral or polite. Now (after 2.5 months of talking again), he responds right away and it’s usually positive/neutral (never negative), he just doesn’t always stick around for a conversation haha. But thank you so much 🙂 I know you must be really busy, especially since you’re writing another e-book (congrats:)) I really can’t thank you enough for your responses and help!

admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Ok, deep breath.

I am going to give you a longer than normal comment (which I rarely do.) I think you are thinking too much. Human interaction is not something you can plan out step by step it just doesn’t work that way. You never know how someone is going to react to something.

So, look at the texts and rules like guidelines. The idea is not to make this a nerve wracking experience. Guys can sense if you are nervous. The idea is to have fun (both you and he.) Take a deep breath and realize everything doesn’t have to go perfectly.
Sydney

December 9, 2013 at 10:35 pm

Thank you so much! I think you’re right, I am thinking too much and I think I should take a step back. Take a break and not contact him for a week or so.

I don’t want to give up, but I’m starting to think I’ll never be able to get him to feel the way he used to about me. I’ll just take a little bit of time for myself, get my head straight, then come back and try agin, without thinking too much about things 🙂

Thank you, I really do appreciate your response!:)
admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:48 pm

No problemo!

Meg

December 5, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Hey Chris,
I came across this site a couple months ago while in the midst of trying to get my ex back. He broke up with me in June because he started getting depressed and felt he couldn’t make me happy if he was in such a way. I tried to convince him otherwise for a while lol. I was beyond heartbroken to say the least as was he. He tecently said he has never loved anyone more than he did me which makes the break up make even less sense lol. Anyway, since the break he was on his hands and knees begging for friendship. I refused until September and gave it a try. Things would go great then he’d hit a wall and push me away all over again. As if he felt we were reaching another level and got scared. I broke off the friendship only to be pursued again by him in October. I caved and gave the friend thing another try. Things were better than ever. He was calling me beautiful, talking to me throughout the day, and asking me over. I’d spend practically the whole week with him. I did say NO SEX though lol. I didn’t want to be a friend with benefits. What would make him want a serious relationship if I did do that? Anyway, for 3 weeks it was great. I felt we were making progress. But low and behold week 4, he hits the wall. After 5 months of being emotionally yanked around, I called it off. I followed the NC to a T. Day 22, he messaged me. I messaged him back in a very formal and guarded way. Now it’s day 3 and we’re chatting back an forth. Nothing serious. I’m very leery this time. However, now he wants me to come over and hang out. I don’t know what to do. I want him back but I do not want to fall back into the same situation of me being a little more than a friend but not quite a girlfriend. He’s confused and scared. That much I do know. I just don’t know how to go about this. Should I go and start putting him in the friendzone as you suggested on another page? Or do I say maybe some other time so he knows I mean business and won’t settle for a non committed relationship? Thank you!
ninecats

December 4, 2013 at 11:37 pm

This might be long but since I am not thinking logically right now I need someone else to understand my story for me.

My ex and I started hooking up about two years ago, mostly because I was really bored. Our first attempt at “dating” was extremely childish because we were both so inexperienced and awkward, then he left a few months into it for a semester and it really hurt because he avoided me his last week here, then claimed he wanted to be friends — pretty offensive. But when he came back he never stopped trying to see me. However, I always refused, until one day I was finally over him (which was really hard because he texted me almost every day, even while he was away), so I didn’t mind hanging out casually. But turns out that by “friends” he meant start things up again, and I hooked up with him just for fun but then I started to feel really guilty, not knowing how to break it off. Things got to the point where I felt like I was the only thing in the world he cared about. I would break up with him about once a month, but always felt too guilty not to take him back (he would beg every time). Eventually I lost my virginity to him, again (out of guilt since it had already been 5 months). That is when I actually fell for him, because we connected amazingly through this. However, I continued to dump him every now and then because I didn’t want to fully love him (he had many flaws and I wanted to do better). One time, I actually made up that I was going away for a semester as well, so we should start “detatching.” Well, this resulted in him cheating on me one night during an almost-break up of ours. I had no idea, and I dumped him about 3 more times before I found out. I noticed that for the first time, he didn’t beg me to get back together afterwards. I became the one that begged, and the relationship was more off than ever, but the sex was still great. Then when I found out about the cheating, I was actually relieved because I had been pushing for something like this to happen.

HOWEVER, one week later, I bumped into him at a club, with the girl he cheated on me with. I got completely wasted and did a typical crazy jealous ex girlfriend move: PULLED him away from her, OUT of the club, and sat him down to talk. I thought they had only made out that night he cheated on me, but he told me they actually had sex (he was drunk too so the truth spilled). I started SOBBING like a crazy person saying how could you etc etc basically scared the shit out of him and everyone thought I was crazy. I asked if he liked new girl and he didn’t give me a straight answer, he also told me he didn’t want to get back together, which was by far the lowest blow of all. The next day I texted him basically saying sorry for the crazy act and I’d like to talk like normal humans. He agreed, but he was very hesitant, and we ended up talking on the phone. It actually made things peaceful again and we ended on a peaceful note.

HOWEVER, a month later, I find out he is still with the cheating incident girl. I haven’t seen him since that night but I found out by stalking him sneakily. He has texted me twice in this month, the first time just saying hiii and the second time for my birthday. Birthday text was “I was just gona write on your wall but i think this is a little more personal. Anyway happy birthdayyy!! Hope you have an awesome week.” If he was trying to seem sincere – he completely failed. That text definitely offended me. I didn’t respond to the “hi” text, and to the happy birthday I just said “Thank u!” – absolutely no contact besides that.

Some days I feel strong and all the reasons we broke up are clear to me. But other days I just wish he would break up with the new girl because it kills me to know he already moved on, and that he can be really falling for this girl as more time passes. I would want him to beg for me once more. Do you think that if he sees me again, his feelings will come back, making him less available for new girl? I don’t want him back, but I don’t want him to move on before me, especially with the girl he cheated with. Once we are both 100% over each other, I do sincerely want to be his friend. I’ve known him for almost 10 years and we have always been in the same group of friends. I don’t hate him because of the fact that we didn’t work out, but I’m having a really hard time.

ninecats

December 10, 2013 at 6:48 am

Hi Chris, if you could delete this comment that would be great! Too many details haha and I’m actually over this guy not trying to get him back anymore. This website helped me a lot! Thanks so much, the way I moved on was by falling in love with myself, as weird as that sounds. I’m pretty much my own rebound and it’s an amazing feeling I recommend it to everyone who’s stuck on a guy who isn’t worth it! Just be patient until you fall in love with yourself or someone new.
admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Which comment? The one I am replying to?
ninecats

December 7, 2013 at 5:37 am

Hello, this is the comment I was referring to from “ninecats”
ninecats

December 4, 2013 at 11:43 pm

Also, did my “crazy ex gf” act jeopardize any chance for me to ever have an upper hand in this break up?

Danyela

December 4, 2013 at 11:09 pm

Hi! You know, I’ve done everything I read on your website and it really helped me a lot, thank you so much! But the thing is that my ex (who has a trauma from a failed relantionship) offered me to be “friends with benefits” instead of starting a new relationship ’cause he doesn’t want to fall in love again (he said that because of the suffering he went through with his ex) :/ I said no ’cause that kind of thing is against my principles and he said it was ok. I know him and he’s not the kind of person who has like “the special friend”, he likes to be committed with one woman by all means so…what should I do? wait or just move on?
Rachel

December 4, 2013 at 2:21 pm

Hey Chris,

I can’t remember what page I posted on but anyway. I know you get 100’s of women messaging you. But I’m the one who’s boyfriend split up over pm on Facebook and we were meant to meet on Monday and you advised me to have that chat…. Well we didn’t.
I know you advise not to have NC or write a letter. I’ve written a letter from the heart it’s not emotional one pretty objective.

I did it because I needed closure. He said we might meet Friday but he said he might be going to his dads. So I sent it with a funny gift of some odd socks he left at mine & a funny poem about having odd socks.

His sister messaged me and told me to fight for it and post the letter. I just felt I’ve been left in limbo. I know your probably going to say wrong move… But I had to do it for me… I doubt he will meet me Friday but I’ve had clousure.

I apologised firstly, & said actions speak louder than words. And that everything I’m changing in my life is for me… But I would like to do it with him. Showing him that I’m committed because I pushed him away. He tried to everything for me and I didn’t see it.

So…. NC is starting now… What do you think?

admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:17 am

I think bring the NC on!!!!
Rachel

December 6, 2013 at 12:51 pm

Ok… So slow slow progress.
So I’ve had a pretty emotional week…. I’ve not shown it and have been totally logical. With how I’ve chosen to intact him.
I spoke to a male friend last night who basically said I was a dick! For saying I wanted space….. He said to stop self-profosising

I sent the letter and was worried about him not getting it. My friend told me to send a pretty standard open txt. That could be open/closed….
Along the lines of…. Letter been sent to your home, hope you had a good night and its an Important letter& excited for you to read it….

1hour later response…. He was asking what I was doing with my work… He said he will miss me….but then this one came…. I’m thinking of going to work overseas… The military is not for me….

He can’t leave and has always been thinking of what to do with his life…
I said wow big changes…. Ill support you blah blah blah… But he kept on mentioning it between each txt. I said to read the letter as it was important he said he would….
So now lets wait…. I don’t know if he is wanting me to say no don’t go etc or if I’m building my hopes up… I mean I have actually done that after a break up and went of seas but I had been thinking about for about a year before I did it. The ex ex boyfriend was just the catalyst for it…..
So waiting game again… I didn’t feel like I needed to challenge his choice to go over seas as everything was in that letter. I just said I would support him etc….
Ill let you know how it goes just slowly slowly.. If after the final chat… I PROMISE I WILL DO NC…. I just hope this is what he needed to hear….
admin

December 6, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Yes definitely do NC and keep us updated.
Rachel

December 7, 2013 at 3:52 pm

mmmmmm….. Right this is getting silly now… and actually I am getting angry now!….
SO he txt me today to say thanks for some tickets I sent up… I said to him that its silly we cant chat.
he said ‘cant talk??’

I said yeah we have had a relationship for 3 years and we cant sit down and talk about it….

Classic man…. “I am just trying to get on with thing’….
I mean what the hell does that mean….

I responded anyway GTG I am also trying to get on with things, buts its very hard and Ive lost a lot of weight…..
No responce

So anyway last night me and some girlfirends have arranged to meet in LDN closer to christmas.. these girls are wives of his friends and one is an ex of his friend…

He then asks to confirm if im going out…. I said yeah why?
he said i thought you had nothing in common….

I responded it will be fun….

im not going to lie the NC is really hard….. and I do feel like a Bi**h…… for doing a full 30 days! Im worried if I do a full 30 he will move on….. Im just letting him contact me now.

But i started getting angry like… I can do what the hell I want Im a free agent!
admin

December 7, 2013 at 8:10 pm

Hahahah yes the free agent thing is true!
Rachel

December 8, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Ok right…. I’ve marked in my Callander and its officially day 1 of NC… I’ve had my answer and I’m not having some dude I’ve been with for 3 years dump me by txt and think we can continue normally as friends…
I’m an all or enough with it girl….
I’m committing myself to this… Your plan… Firstly so I can get my crap together for myself… And to see if this will work. I’ve got nothing to loose….

Lets test this theory.. I’m going to become a skinny mini.. Less chocolate and more running… More Beyonce and less mylie… Lets test this…
admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Hahahahah skinny mini. Don’t become too skinny just aim to look fit.
Rachel

December 8, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Ok update:

Earlier today I got this silly video from him on snap chat…..
Bantered around some short txt and then I asked the famous question! Had he read the letter…

Yes I did….

After that I did not txt…. I felt I had my answer. Later that eve I got another txt that was positive and he said it was lovely and honest. I replied saying from the heart.

But then he kinda dumped me again over txt!!! Saying I wish you all the luck.. I dug deep and didn’t reply he then wishes me good night and take care!!!

Ok I’m hiding… What the hell is going on his mind?
admin

December 9, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Sounds to me like he is just laying down how he feels right now.

Rj

December 2, 2013 at 2:00 pm

The nc rule during a birthday? Continue not speaking to him or a simple happy birthday so as to not upset him? His bday is tomorrow.

admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:28 pm

I would not speak to him..

Anna

December 1, 2013 at 9:17 pm

Hey there. Still in the early weeks of NC, but I just wanted some specific advice on my sitch. See I’m one of those cases in which I was never the chased. I did all the chasing work. In fact, my ex had just come out of a bad breakup and wasn’t looking for anything serious.
I changed his mind in 3 months and we went out for nearly 2 years (in which i was mostly quite happy) before he told me he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore. It came as quite a shock.
So I guess my question is, even if I manage to get to this stage, is being chased even possible? I have to say I can’t visualise it.

admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:40 pm

You know I wish girls did all the chasing if I am being quite honest. It would make my life so much easier haha but no the smartest thing is to get your emotional hooks in him and that is how you can make him chase you.

Caitlin

December 1, 2013 at 7:07 pm

Hi Chris,

So I really want to go through with this, but when my ex and I broke up, we decided that we would go back to being good friends like we were before we started dating. He never wants to get back together with me because we were terrible together, but the thing is I know I’ve changed/can change and it could be great this second time.

Basically how am I supposed to start the no contact rule if we have all the same friends? If we’re like sort of a real life version of How I Met Your Mother? I sort of can’t stop talking to him or seeing him without sacrificing time with my friends and completely dropping off the grid.

Also how am I supposed to start this plan if I have to see him? I watch his dog when he goes to school in order to keep her from barking in his pet prohibited apartment, so I’ll have to see him every day.

I want to do this because I love him so much and I know I’ve met the one, but these circumstances prevent it…any helpful solutions?

admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Well, usually you can do a limited contact rule. When you see him in person look really good, try not to be nervous, be really confident and happy.

Alice

December 1, 2013 at 12:01 am

hi there! i recently started talking to my ex boyfriend after doing NC. it feels like nothing was ever wrong…we’re joking around again and we’re talking frequently. but i really don’t know what to do from here :/ and not end up in the friend zone 🙁 our relationship lasted 10 months and i broke up with him before summer but we got back together after when school started again. but he broke up with me because the break up during summer really hurt him. but his actions were very confusing when we broke up. i was needy and crazy but i decided to do the NC period. so i honestly am clueless. please help? thank you

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Well the main goal is to see him in person again. So, I would attack it from that angle.
Alice

December 2, 2013 at 7:40 am

we talked in person the other day. we were at this school carnival and he stopped by my booth and talked to me for a bit. but hes also always with this other girl…im genuinely clueless as to what to do. sometimes he talks to me non stop then sometimes i get one word replies…thanks again

elizabeth

November 30, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Hello!

Here is my situation:
We dated for almost 4 years.
We did 30 days no contact followed by occasional casual texts.
I started all conversation and he never wanted to meet up, so I gave him LOTS of space
After little communication, we met up after two months of break up.

Our meeting went well. It was a little weird at first but it was great to catch up. He was gazing at me deeply and said he almost called me babe a couple times. I told him some plans I had for the summer and he said “we should do that”.

I said to him I wasn’t sure if I should bring up our relationship or not and he responded that we shouldn’t talk about it now, just take it slow, but maybe eventually.

About a week later I run into him at the brewery and we talk a bit and then go to our respective groups. We both seem into each other but we seem a bit awkward and like we want to say more to each other but can’t.

How do you suggest I get on that comfort level of before with him? I am guessing it will just take time. How do I get him to chase me and express how he is feeling about us with out scaring him away. I feel I am past the texting phase of getting him back.

Thanks! 🙂

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:05 pm

I think that level of comfort will only come with time. You just need to approach things very gently and slowly.

anonymous

November 30, 2013 at 4:23 pm

Chris! After one month of contacting my ex since i did NC on him. Still not much luck. I’ve only met him twice this past mth. He’d asked me out a few times. Only to cancel on me at the very last min 🙁 and then claims his schedule to be really packed. I’m thinking he’s seeing other ladies too. Its really emotionally and mentally exhausting for me. I don’t know what are the signs i should be looking for. If i should just give up. Or am i being too impatient since its only been a mth. I dont know if i should go NC on him again.

anonymous

December 1, 2013 at 4:07 am

What are your thoughts on him cancelling on me last min? And how long should i wait and try before i should just give up? Should i go nv again? I’m thinking the signs that he’s in contact and seeing other ladies means he’s over me?
admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:44 pm

If it happens again then its not a good sign.
anonymous

December 2, 2013 at 2:25 am

Okay so far it has happened once. On other occasions i tried asking him out casually and he declined. Anyway, he cancelled on me 2days back. I replied him saying “i miss you, when will i see you again?” He replied saying “i’m a bit busy now, i’m sorry we cant meet today, maybe i’ll see you next sat?” (Negative response right?)

I didn reply him after he sent me that. He didn send anymore msgs either. I’m thinking of doing NC again. How long should i do it for? Most importantly, will it even affect him?
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:58 pm

May jump back into NC for a little while.

Lin

November 30, 2013 at 8:49 am

I was on day 19 of my NC period and just when i gave up hope that my ex wont ever contact me then low and behold he did!! The feeling was great and i was itching to reply but i didnt. We use whatsapp, i was online that time he texted, he can see when i last logged in, thus he would know that ive been ignoring his text (thats ok right?). Its been 3 days, but i really want to reply back. Ive never done NC on my exes before due to reasons youve already mentioned. Im learning and Im thinking of interesting things thatlll keep him hooked when we start talking/texting again. Thank u for doing this blog.

admin

November 30, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Your welcome.

Definitely give that NC a whirl.
Lin

December 7, 2013 at 4:25 pm

My ex and i had talked for 2days after my nc period,it was positive response. Its been 4days since i last heard from him though and i know hes been busy with work like he told me. My question is, should i wait till he messages me again or should i initiate the conversation whenever i want to talk to him? Thanks

Dee

November 30, 2013 at 2:40 am

Hi Chris,
Just wanted to say first thanks for sharing your advice and ideas.
I wanted to just fill you in on my situation and see whether you had any specific advice to suit my circumstance.
My ex and I broke up a little over three months ago. We had been together almost a year and during that time he lost his Mum, which was obviously a really difficult time for him. About 4 months after his mother died he changed a lot and his attitude toward me became quiet negative, he pushed me away and was completely out of character. I ended up leaving after a particularly difficult week and after having left he contacted me and suggested he was just in need of time and he loved me but needed to sort things out before he could be with anyone. We stayed in contact but it wasn’t a good situation for me as I was unable to move on while still talking to him and he was still adamant that he needed to be alone. I finally put my foot down and went through a NC period but it was basically accidental as I hadn’t yet read any of your posts. During that time I actually really enjoyed the time to myself. I spent more time with family and friends and even had talked to a couple of other guys and was thinking of going out to dinner with one.
My ex has recently contacted me again- initially just to ask me a question which I answered and he thanked me and there was no further conversation and then about 4 days later he txt me saying he had found something that had made him think of me in a shop and so he’d brought it and wanted to get it too me. I told him I wouldn’t be going to get it from his place but I was happy for him to drop it off if he wanted. He then went on to say that he owes me the biggest apology for how he treated me, he said he’s missing me and that the recent death of a good friend of his has completely changed things for him and he’s realised he was wrong to push everyone away and insist that he’s back to his old self. He asked if we could catch up so he can apologies properly, I refused to go to his place again but I’m happy to go out to dinner, so we’ve organised to go somewhere we can talk next week. From here on out I’m just a little concerned as to how I should approach our first face to face meeting since before the NC period. Is this the right time to get him to chase me and would this count as a date? I still have very strong feeling for him, and I really hated not being with him. I just want to ensure he knows that I won’t accept being treated badly, nor will I just take him back if this kind of thing ever happens again. Any advice would be very much appreciate.
Dee 🙂
Hannah (hi!)

November 28, 2013 at 8:08 am

Hi Chris,

I’ll try and keep this as short as possible; my ex broke up with me about a month ago after a month of pretty tough long distance “you’re my best friend, we have crazy sexual tension, I do fancy you, but I don’t love you” was pretty much along his breakup lines. I chose not to speak to him this lasted about three weeks when:

1. He texted me after finding out I was going to surprise a mutual friend at uni after her BF broke up with her (even though he already knew I was). I rang him to say that I’ll look after her.
2. He told me that he always wants to text me.
3. He said stuff about our past, about how bad I am at directions and called me a “plonker” which was always our silly word for each other.
4. I get to my friends and say I’ll get her to text him and let him know how she is and he asked me to text him “anytime” I haven’t. In fact I said that I was happy and doing really well, I am, but my ex and I worked so well together, it was the most amazing relationship. He said, on the phone, “we’re the same person” I said that’s why we were together and now not, he replied “hey, that’s not nice”
5. Whilst at my friends she revealed that when she told him he had “let a good one go” he said that he knew.
6. He told her that he missed me but it “just didn’t work out” she said that “it’s blindingly obvious he still cares”
7. After my friend and I went out, she told him she kissed a marine, his only response was “I’m guessing Hannah got with his friend as well, did she?” Which he has asked three times since.
8. I should say that our mutual friend said to get over him and that he’s having too much fun being single. Oh and he said that he’s been looking at my FB etc, not sure if that’s important.

Now, I’m getting a good feeling from all of this; what do you think? Please be honest. There’s still three weeks until he’s home for Christmas so I’m not sure when to text him, I don’t want to do it so soon that I’m put in the friendzone because we can’t see each other and connect, but I don’t want to leave it so long that it seems like I’m not bothered. My birthday is on the 14th so I was going to wait and see if he’ll text me then…

I’m going to say “went to a comedy club last night and saw that crazy Canadian comedian we saw that night in London, that was such a fun night. How are you?”

So, is it sounding good from what he’s said and done?
When shall I text him? I’m wary of being friendzoned even further.

Please help, my friends refuse to give any proper advice about this. Thank you,

Hannah. 🙂

admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:40 am

I like the comdey club line for sure.

First off have you done any NC rule yet?
Hannah (hi!)

November 29, 2013 at 9:20 am

Hi Chris,

I have done NC, it’s been almost 30 days. We’ve only spoken when we needed to and when he answered our friends phone to me for her.
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:28 am

Have you picked out a text message for him yet?
Hannah (hi!)

November 30, 2013 at 11:02 am

Hi,

Yeah I’m going to remind him of the night we went to a comedy club and saw this amazing Canadian comedian. But, my ex is not back in town for another three weeks, I’m worried that if I text him too soon we won’t be able to see each other and connect so I’ll be put deeply in the friendzone. What do you think?

Hannah
Hannah (hi!)

November 28, 2013 at 8:12 am

Sorry, I didn’t even say how long we were together, only four months over summer but practically lived with each other so when he went to uni things really changed in that respect.

melissa

November 26, 2013 at 7:06 pm

if we were never boyfriend girlfriend, but dated for 2 months how long should nc period be?

admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:00 pm

I say about 2 weeks.

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