How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”

Shelly

November 26, 2013 at 12:18 pm

Hi chris,
My bf broke up with me. At first i begged him to nt leave me ..then i read ur blog n M following Nc since 3 months . He was seeing a girl after brkup. Bt he stares at me when we meet Coincidentally. I ve changed my cell no. I ve no contact with him. He recently showed up to my friend n begged her to hear him out ..n he said he is sorry fr wat he did. He was dating a girl bt c dumped him. N he said m a good a person . Bt he has no feelings for me anymore. He told my friend to make him talk to me so that he can apologise. Plz i dont know what to do n how to make him love me again…

Shelly

November 29, 2013 at 3:06 am

I would appreciate an advice frm u..
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:11 am

Be more specific about what you want advice about 🙂
Shelly

November 30, 2013 at 7:03 pm

I jst want to knw m followin NC fr months… n wat should i do now
admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:06 pm

You do know what to do after NC right?

Katie

November 25, 2013 at 11:05 pm

Hi Chris,
I know that I’ve been posting to you a lot lately, but your advice/ support has really been helping. I still haven’t messaged him yet. He comes home tomorrow for Thanksgiving break….I am beyond nervous. His ex-best friend from high school facebook messaged me trying to start a conversation with me. I was just trying to be nice and respond back, then he said that my ex would kill him if he knew he was talking to me, and I realized his intentions may have been more than just talking…so I didn’t respond.
Anyway, my emotions are in a whirlwind, and I just want him to miss me. I am scared that if I text him, he won’t really experience something as big as experiencing a holiday without me, and know what life is really truly like without me since he has had distractions at school.
I know that you said it was okay to text him, but I am literally scared. It has been 11 days since my last conversation with him (which I initiated. Any thoughts about this?
Thanks so much!

admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Sometimes there comes a time where you have to take a chance… this is that time haha.
Katie

November 26, 2013 at 9:39 pm

Take a chance in talking to him? Or taking a chance in not talking to him?
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Talking to him hahahahah
Katie

November 27, 2013 at 12:15 am

A lot of people are telling me not to contact him… but I went rock climbing today, something he thought I would never do. So I was thinking about sending him something like, “Hey! I went rock climbing today, it was so much fun! I hope you are doing well!” Any modifications or suggestions?
Thanks Chris!
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:37 pm

I think you should send that AFTER NC.
Katie

November 26, 2013 at 1:41 am

And I just have to add that I saw pictures of him on Facebook with another girl. It kind of creeped and it says she has a boyfriend, but I am beyond jealous now….What do I do?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Don’t be jealous just sit back and wait in NC.

Lisa

November 23, 2013 at 9:32 am

how is this even possible to get him to chase you when he is so annoyed at you, isn’t ready to talk or see you alone and has “moved on” in his head that you two are generally over and maybe happier by himself? how do you bring someone back that lost feelings ???

his going china for 2 months so in that time I WONT do any contact until he does! how do i get him close to me and think about us in a romantic way when he might’ve been wanting to break up or feeling loss of love for 2 months before dumping!?

admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Well, read this guide and the other ones.
Lisa

November 24, 2013 at 1:07 am

i have i have! im seeing him tonight with others for my birthday but im scared and worried theres something going on with him and this girl because how can someone be so sure they dont want to come back unless 1- fed up and happier by the selves or 2- likes someone else!

how do you get them back once they like someone else? i could just be overthinking and theyre all best friends but what guy goes on skype randomly at 1:20 am until like 1:50 when he wasn’t on skype before then??? Everyone says im just assuming and his best friend said their isn’t anything going on… they could be lying to not hurt me! but its too soon? the girl just got dumped 2 weeks ago!!
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Well initially there is not a lot you can do until they break up… BUT I wrote an entire post on that.

Maria

November 22, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Hi Chris,

Your website is so incredibly helpful and thorough!
Thank you!

My boyfriend broke up with me in May. We dated for almost two years. I met him my freshman year of college. I tried implementing NC over the summer, but he kept regular contact with me to which I replied (which I shouldn’t have looking back). Now that we are back at school we have classes together 3 days a week and work together so we have progressed to being friendly and cordial in our interactions. I was incredibly upset (cried and begged) when he initially broke up with me in May. I also really messed up and a few weeks ago told him I still had feelings for him. I got upset and pleaded when he said that he doesn’t want a relationship in his life right now. He said he doesn’t know if he saw long term potential in us. I think it has to do with graduating this year and “real life” concerns quickly approaching. We are both going to graduate school, potentially far away from each other. I have tried countless e-books and ex-guides online. Is there any direction you could point me in? Is there any chance of resolving this relationship given the circumstances?
I would really appreciate any advice.

Thank you so much!
Maria

admin

November 23, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Your welcome!

So, have you been able to do a full limited/no contact before?
Maria

November 25, 2013 at 9:40 pm

Hi Again!

Thanks so much for your reply!!

I really have not completed a successful NC. I should have this summer when I did not have to see him everyday, but I caved and responded all summer. In class and at work I try to be short with him and not start any conversations just answer if he says anything. We are both away for the holidays so I can successfully do 10 days of NC since I won’t have to see him. I am interested in purchasing your guide. Do you think given the brief description of my situation above it would be applicable to my situation? My situation is fairly unique since we have to work together and have class together- it never really gave him a chance to miss me I don’t think, and at this point he is well aware that months later I still want him back :/ If you think your guide could be helpful for my situation I will absolutely buy it. I have tried other guides but none have worked. Yours looks the most promising and genuine though.

Thanks, Chris!
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Go ahead and contact me at [email protected] to tell me more about your situation.

Maria

November 22, 2013 at 3:41 pm

Hi Chris,

Your website is really helpful! My ex boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of May. We dated for just about 2 years. We met during our freshman year of college. We still have classes together this year and work together which makes NC very difficult. I didn’t initiate any contact with him all summer, but he texted me quite frequently to which I replied. A few weeks ago I caved and told him I still had feelings for him. He said that he doesn’t want a relationship right now and he didn’t know if he saw long term potential with us. He doesn’t seem phased at all that we aren’t together. He doesn’t seem like he misses me. Is there anything I can do to reverse this break up? It’s a tricky situation because I still seem him so often and we are cordial and friendly. I would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks so much!

admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:23 pm

Guess you have to do limited contact.

Katie

November 19, 2013 at 12:55 pm

Hi Chris,
So it has been almost four months since my boyfriend and I broke up. I already did NC for a month, but the conversations lately haven’t been overenthusiastic. I asked to see him over Thanksgiving break, and he said “possibly, if you would like”, and wasn’t too positive about it. A week later I started another conversation with him, and the second thing he told me out of nowhere was that he would be busy over thanksgiving break and probably couldn’t see me. He has a play this week and I want to see it, but I am almost positive he doesn’t want me there, so I don’t think I should ask. My questions for you are, what do I do next? Do I do NC again for a month? Or do I ask to see his play? It’s literally all I can think about, and I am so scared that he truly just doesn’t love me anymore and that nothing will work because I already tried NC….any suggestions?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:22 pm

What were your texts like to him?
Katie

November 19, 2013 at 8:22 pm

Well at first when we broke up I was the classic gnat, and then I realized that it wasn’t working, so he returned my things, and I didn’t talk to him for a while. Then a month later I texted him about a funny story that happened, and it made me think about him, and he kind of came back moderately neutral. I would send him a text kind of weekly, but never once did he start a conversation. I asked to see him because he was coming home from school, and then he said “at some point but not now”. Last month I made the mistake of saying that I missed him, and that didn’t go over well, and I tried to play it off the best I could.

The most recent was me telling him a funny story, and I tried one of your “hook lines” and he didn’t let me finish, and said “oh cool. By the way I can’t see you over thanksgiving.”

me: “oh that’s ok, whats up?”
him: “I will just be busy with rehearsals and stuff”
me: “Oh that’s cool! Have a good one then!”
him: “you too!”

And that was our last conversation… so I have no idea what to do next. I KNOW he loved me once, but I don’t know what to do next…

Thanks so much for the help! I sincerely appreciate it!
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:20 pm

Looks like you need to find a way to have a meaningful semi long conversation with him…
Katie

November 20, 2013 at 10:21 pm

Sorry to be a gnat, (I am in frantic mode because I don’t know what to do haha) but I just got my computer back because someone was working on it, and my post is gone. Do you need me to repost? Or did you see it?

Thanks Chris!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:31 pm

I don’t see it..
Katie

November 20, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Yeah I completely agree. But I’m finding this nearly impossible. I bought your e-guide, and I just don’t know how to put it into practice. I know you probably don’t want to give away info on here because that would defeat the purpose of having people buy the eguide haha, but any help you can give me would be so great.

But so you don’t think I should do another NC? It’s just so hard to figure out what the “correct” first step I should try to take. He has his play all of this week, and I would love to more than anything ask him if I could see his Sunday show and then talk after, but I feel like I will just be burying myself more….any suggestions? Or how do I try to have a long meaningful conversation if he’s not into it? I’m just so confused and don’t even know where to start. I have a bunch of things that we could talk about, like we’re both really big into movies and stuff like that so I could easily start something with that, but I don’t know how to keep it going….

Thanks so much Chris!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Well you kind of have to lead him into the meaningful convo..
Katie

November 21, 2013 at 6:21 pm

How exactly should I start this? Yeah I shouldn’t have said that… I tried to play it off the best I could, I mean do you think I blew it?

And when do you think I should start this conversation with him? He’s coming home next week…Or what’s something that would a good conversation starter?
Thanks for answering all of my questions!
admin

November 22, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Good conversation starters don’t have to be epic they can be really simple but I prefer to kind of prime someone for a good conversation.
Katie

November 22, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Could you maybe give me an example of this? How would I “prime” him for a good conversation? And when do you think I should do this? We haven’t talked since Thursday. Thanks Chris!
Katie

November 24, 2013 at 7:48 pm

Thanks for answering all of my questions, I really appreciate it! I really hope I can get him to respond positively to something…
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Me too and your welcome!
Katie

November 23, 2013 at 7:26 pm

I just don’t know when to try to engage him in a meaningful conversation. In your opinion do I let thanksgiving break go by while he’s home, and hope that possibly with him being home he may miss me more than when he’s away at school? Or do I text him when he’s home?

Thanks Chris!
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:40 pm

You can text him I don’t see a problem with it.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Well it all comes back to getting him to respond positively for text messages.
Katie

November 22, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Last Thursday, not this past one….
Katie

November 20, 2013 at 6:30 pm

Just one more thing, when I said I missed him last month (which I probably shouldn’t have) he told me that I was chasing someone who didn’t feel the same about me and that he was sorry. And I tried to play it off the best I could. So I’m very very stuck, because when someone tells you that. And NC doesn’t work, and telling him the truth doesn’t work, what’s the next step?

Sorry for so many questions haha. I want to try everything to make my chances the best they can be.
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Definitely shouldnt have said you miss him.

I think to be honest he has lost some feelings for you and its going to take a while beforeyou can reignite them.
Katie

November 20, 2013 at 8:16 pm

I so sorry that I am being so annoying by keeping on commenting. I’m not going to be able to access a computer for a little while so I figured I would add this too. I read your post about facebook, and I changed my cover photo to something that’s meaningful. In our relationship, I was also too afraid to take risks, and I feel like that after we broke up, I have taken more risks (in a good way) and have been a much more positive person. So I changed my cover photo to a picture and it says “Don’t ever be afraid to take risks, for they make life worth living” and he liked it….I get its not a big deal but now my heart is in my throat. I figured I would just add this here because it may/may not change any advice you can give me!

Sorry for being a gnat! I just thought it would be best to tell you all of it…thanks so much for everything!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:16 pm

Well I think this is a really good sign. It means that the small changes you made got him to notice.
Katie

November 19, 2013 at 1:19 pm

Sorry, one more question. Is there any way that I can get more personalized advice from you? At this point, I just want to be done making the same stupid mistakes. I am also willing to pay anything extra for the help.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Well there used to be but I got overrun with it… maybe friend me on Facebook and we can see what we can do.
Katie

November 19, 2013 at 8:17 pm

I friended you on Facebook, and you messaged me back once but you haven’t got back to me yet so I figured I would try on here as well haha. I think I inboxed you Friday or something like that. But anything extra that maybe you could help me with, I would be so so so grateful. I didn’t want to put my actual name on here so I put my nick name, so it will probably be hard to find me in your inbox haha.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Hey sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. I am kind of not answering ppl on FAcebook so much anymore b/c it just takes too much time for me and I am learning that time is previous.
Katie

November 20, 2013 at 6:00 pm

That’s ok! I completely understand!

Hannah

November 18, 2013 at 1:14 am

Hey Chris,

I just broke up with my ex a couple days ago, but I really don’t want to stay broken up. I made a mistake and really really want him back. The night we broke up he called at 2 am back to back until I answered. The next day he kind of wanted to talk and today he hasn’t wanted to talk. We’re supposedly kind of back together, but he doesn’t want to hang out or talk when I call. So I’m going to try the NC rule and see if that helps. Do you think that it would?

admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:23 pm

I really think it will.
Hannah

November 22, 2013 at 3:36 pm

Thank you so much! He called again after 2 days and really missed me. All is well again. (:

Razan

November 17, 2013 at 9:06 pm

The NC period is done, i texted him saying i got a confession to make and he responded positively and i didn’t respond , then i found him after 3 hours asking what i have been doing and i texted him back and closed the conversation. The next day i told him good morning and he was in the college doing some practical work and i told him to show me his work and closed the conversation by telling him im going to college . After one hour he sent me his work and told me he’s going to the course center and i was going too but i didnt tell him. When i saw him there he told me why i didnt tell him that i am coming and i replied that i thought he would finish before i arrive.
What do you think ? I’m afraid he just treating me as a friend ! What do you thing i should do next ?

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:52 pm

Well, now hook him into a conversation (very slowly) rebuild rapport with him.
Razan

November 25, 2013 at 10:55 am

Hii Chris,
I did what you told me and rebuild a good rapport with him , and it works he told me he misses me and reminds me of good memories but the problem is mentioning the times we had sex. I dont know what to do i’m afraid he’s using me . What do you think ?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:30 pm

Have you read the E-Book I talk about how to incorporate sex in your text messages.

Allison

November 17, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Hi Chris

I just discovered your website, and it is really helping me. But I can’t really grasp what to do in my specific situation. So, on August 11 me and my boyfriend broke up (we had been dating 7 months.) When we broke up, I had just asked him to ‘take a break’. He I guess got really upset, and started acting all happy and said “You know what, why don’t we just break up.” So we did. I then got involved with another guy WAY too soon. I ended things with the new guy, realizing that it was a mistake. I don’t know why but during this period of time I still didn’t want my ex (let’s call him R) back. Again…I don’t know what I was thinking. For 2 days after we broke up he was begging for me back. And I didn’t take him back. But after that things switched around, and now it’s me who wants him back. We went through a couple weeks of minimal conversation, and when we did speak it was arguments and him saying he hated me and I was a bitch, and that he didn’t care that I still loved him. Because I didn’t know better, and all I could see was how much I missed him so I was begging. When the school year started back up, in like, the first week he started dating this girl, who is literally my enemy. We hated eachother. They both later revealed that they were only doing it to make me jealous. Which I found weird, because if he didn’t care, why would he go out of his way to do that? I started dating a guy, who happens to be one of R’s good friends. (I am still with him but I am planning on ending it soon, because I’m not really that into him anymore). Anyway. R started dating my best friend after that, and it was really painful for me to see him with her everyday and such. Mind you, he tells everyone that he no longer has any feelings for me anymore. But I don’t understand how he couldn’t..I mean we dated for seven months and you don’t just throw something like that away. Anyway, for the past month or so I have been working on a plan. I never text him first, and around him I always act happy. And he thinks I’m over him. But just the other night, he broke up with my best friend (thank God) and now he’s chasing one of my other best friends. Apparently he goes to her house and they make out, and he goes on and on to his friends about how she’s the “total package” and everything. (As you could imagine this upsets me immensely) A few of my friends have recently asked him if he still had feelings for me and he said “he doesn’t know”. And I guess last night, he was at a party with a few of my friends and they spilled the secret that I still love him. And he said he felt bad. I will do anything to get him back at this point.

Sorry for the long comment, but could you please give me your advice? Am I doing the right thing? What am I doing wrong? How do I get him to love me again?
Thank you so much.

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Maybe you can try some limited contact rule.

jacquelin

November 16, 2013 at 10:26 am

How does this QBT work if you two are emailing or fb messaging each other after a long period of NC? Do the rules still apply? Text is more instantaneous than the other two.

admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:13 pm

Hmm I think it only works for text messages mostly but I can see it working for FAcebook chats too.
jacquelin

November 19, 2013 at 5:42 am

How do I make him text me? I was thinking of making my replies more and more scarce.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Well, you need to hook him into a conversation and constantly get him thinking about you.
jacquelin

November 20, 2013 at 3:53 am

Ok. I guess I will continue to coverse with him via email.

Brit

November 15, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Hey Chris!

I’ve talked to you before when my ex first broke up with me. I followed the NC rule , hardest thing ever. Went on a date , which ended up me talking to that guy for a little while. Not that I liked him , he just made me forget about my ex for a while. Anyway , NC ended and I texted my ex and we met up. Things went really well , it was like no time had passed between us and we were picking up right were we left off. It’s been a few weeks now of us hanging out. At first he would only put his arm around my shoulder while we walked , kiss me on the check or forehead. Now he holds my hand , kisses me , and we hook up every now and then. We talk on the phone at night and FaceTime most of the time. Without your guide I would have been lost , which now I guess I’m at again and I need your help! What do I do now? He references us as couple sometimes like “We sound like an old married Italian couple” something lame like that. I was fixing to move to Texas and he would tell me how that isn’t a good idea and blah blah. I guess the question is how do I make him chase me again or get us back together? I have your ebook and have read it cover to cover at least 3 times. I don’t think he’s using me just to hook up because I know he really cares about me still. He told me during our break he went on a few dates with a girl , but it just made him miss me. That’s a good thing I guess!! I’m trying to follow your text rule , where I don’t text or call untill he calls me. What else can I do?

admin

November 16, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Right now just keep the focus on YOU!

Drishti

November 14, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Hi Chris,

So i’ve been close to this guy for over 2 months. we spoke everyday, he’d call every hour, want to meet everyday, yada yada. then during his univ exams he started being off. he’d still call once a day and text. after they ended, he went MIA for a week, 2 texts a day but no call. I started using NC and he came right back. called and texted normally-ish. 3

admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:21 pm

Well that is good right. Thats what you wanted.
Drishti

November 17, 2013 at 8:40 am

but he started acting off again, i felt like he was trying to blow me off. And then he just says that he has to tell me something, and says hes still into his ex, and that hes sorry. i said its cool then he says he doesnt know. i stopped replying. he’s been texting everyday, but i dont reply. We were supposed to hang out together before this whole fiasco happened. so he texts asking if he can still come. i said sure. then he says hes kidding, but he wants to meet.

i stopped replying. but i slipped up and asked if he can still come, he said ‘don’t think so love, my uncle just passed away’ ( his uncle had cancer ) i sent condolences but he didnt reply.

he hasn’t texted today, neither have i. what do i do?

and just so you have an insight on our situation. we were really really close.there hasnt been a day that we havent talked..
admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Well this is the NC rule in progress. Just keep doing it.
Drishti

November 19, 2013 at 6:03 am

So infact he did message after i wrote to you, and did that yesterday and today too.

i slipped and replied. now he wants to know why i’m ignoring him.
what do i say?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:06 pm

You just needed some time on your own.
Drishti

November 20, 2013 at 3:29 am

so we ended up talking, and he says he doesn’t know whats happening. that he has feelings for me, but isnt over his ex. there’s nothing happening in that department. we spoke for quite sometime and haven’t reached any conclusion.

what do i do?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:42 pm

Well he needs to sort out his feelings first.
Drishti

November 23, 2013 at 10:25 am

so, i asked him if things are done between us because hes not over her( they dated 3 years back) and he said ‘ i guess so ‘ i’ve stopped replying. he messaged after it though, to make conversation. I’ve ignored it too.

What do i do? is he confused? is he playing me? i do want him back because we were happy together, and i miss it.
Drishti

November 26, 2013 at 5:27 am

That he’s confused.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:35 pm

What do his actions say?

Katie

November 13, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Hi Chris,
I just found your website, and I am really hoping that you can help me out. Here’s the background to my breakup:
My ex-boyfriend and I dated for over three and a half years. We met in high school, and are now in college. We both had our flaws, but we always worked things out because we loved each other. Then, about May, my boyfriend had to engage on an acting project where he had to have a very intimate scene with another girl. I felt very insecure about this, because he certainly at times did not make me feel comfortable with the situation. Every time I brought up a concern, he would always comfort me and make me feel better and say that I had nothing to worry about, but then on the other had he often times made me feel insecure about myself, often times calling me “stupid”. Although he told me I had nothing to worry about, how was I supposed to feel secure when his other words on a daily basis were not encouraging, and that he did not really make an effort in our relationship? This caused many problems.
We moved past it, and went into summer. I told myself that if our relationship was going to last, then I had to accept his career and fully trust him, so I did. The summer was great, and although there were definitely some moments prior to the summer that I let my jealousy get ahold of me, I know that grew up during the summer. Even though I did not get as jealous, I still continued to feel him slip away. So of course what did I do? I chased. And I regret that every moment, because as soon as I started chasing, he moved further away.
Then we talked about it, and he threatened to break up with me twice before the final time, saying that he did not feel the same way about me anymore. Although I innately felt it, I was still shocked because it would come up at random times; where he should have been happy, and wasn’t or was very happy and told me so. I kept on trying and trying to make him happy, and I couldn’t.
Looking back on it now, I definitely was too available for him. After a year into our relationship, I made it so easy for him to not have to work for anything, and I was always there every single time he asked to hang out. My life solely revolved around him. I get it now; how this is seen as unattractive to a guy, and how a guy wants someone that is driven and passionate about something other than the relationship itself.
Now, it’s been three months that we’ve been broken up. As much as I don’t want to admit it, it has been such a wake-up call for me. I have once again found my interests, and am starting to uncover who I really am. In the beginning of our break-up, I will admit, I made many mistakes by contacting him too many times. Then I waited about a month to text him, which he did respond to. He then asked to drop off the rest of my things before he went back to school. He did, and it went alright, but he was casually and cruelly honest about some things that hurt me more than words can describe.
I have not seen him since, and not once has he started a conversation with me. I will send him funny texts here and there, but the same “friendliness” is not reciprocated.
So here is where I am now: I made a mistake a few weeks ago, and maybe my judgment was skewed because of all of the cold medicine I was on haha. I texted him saying that I was at work, and how he had been on my mind a lot, that I was sick and remembered all of the times that he came over and took care of me. He came back immediately and said that he was doing well and for me to feel better. Rather than just accepting that, I told him that I kept on running from my feelings and I have been scared to tell him, but that I missed him. He told me that you can’t keep on chasing someone who doesn’t feel the same way, and the other will run, and that he was sorry. I continued to tell him that it was okay, but I felt that he was judging me on the person that he knew in our relationship; a frail, all too nervous girl. Then it seemed like he got a little angry and said that people do not change, and that I was the same person, and could not change.
Now, I know that I have not “changed” completely; I like things about myself, and I want someone who is going to accept me, but one thing I know is that when you lose something important to you, you grow up, which I have. The stupid petty jealousness and insecurities that were prominent are not important anymore. I feel different, and I act more like myself, and I am so much happier with the way I conduct myself now, but he does not want to see it.
I waited a few weeks, and I send him a few texts, and overall it went okay, surprisingly a lot better than what I thought. I thought I would take a chance and ask him what he was going to be doing over Thanksgiving break, and if he possibly wanted to catch up. His response was not over-zealous, and this is our conversation:
“if you would like. I don’t exactly know when I’ll be free though but possibly. But can I ask why? It’s not like it would really do anything if we did”

“I would like to see you haha. And I just think you’d be a cool person to hang out with. I know it wouldn’t do anything, I just think you would be fun. I know, I’m lame so you probably don’t want to see me :-P” (that last part was supposed to be a joke….)

“I’ll see, I mean I don’t want you thinking I’d like to hang out a lot. If I’m free and you’re free than possibly okay?”

“Ok yeah that’s cool. When do you come home?”

“That Tuesday before Thanksgiving”

“Oh cool. Mine starts Wednesday. But most likely my classes on Tuesday will be cancelled as well because those professors cancel all of the time”

He never responded any more, and that was four days ago. I have not tried to make any contact. Where do I go from here? I don’t want to make any more mistakes, and I certainly don’t want to do chasing anymore because it isn’t getting me anywhere.
I know that this is long but I really hope you can give me some advice, because something in my heart tells me that this is not right. Thanks so much!
-Katie

admin

November 13, 2013 at 9:25 pm

Tell me what you have done so far? What tactics have you employed?
Katie

November 14, 2013 at 1:24 am

At first it wasn’t so smooth. I contacted him a lot and then I realized that it was not going to get me anywhere. So I didn’t text him for a month, and then I would send him a text about something that we both liked, (we are both really into movies so it’s often about that). But he never starts any of the conversations. So I am really at a loss of what to do. I don’t want to chase him because he flat out told me he would run. But when do I text him next? Our last conversation was when I asked to see him four days ago…
admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:11 pm

I say text him 30 days like I recommend.

Ellen

November 13, 2013 at 5:39 pm

So, I didn’t see my post on here. Does that mean you didn’t get it? I know maybe I am being impatient? Probably!!! I asked why I shouldn’t apologize. So it’s only day 3 and I have been bombarded with texts, calls, facetime calls, fb mssg.’s and he even threatened to call 911 and posted it on fb for all my friends to see. He didn’t of course! 🙂 I have been laughing my head off!!! Not at him, but because I have been so frantic and desperate and as neurotic as he is being now!!!! I didn’t think he would do this!!! He never does this. He ended our engagement and walked out and now he wants to talk!! I have been really good and not responded to anything. He wants his stuff back though and owes me money which I do need very badly right now. So I sent and email to his hotmail telling him where I would leave his stuff (in good hands) and where he can leave my stuff. I hope this was okay. You did say not to hold stuff ransom so I don’t want to do that. I asked if he could pay back the money he owes me with an email transfer. I told him that I am not able to see him in person and that I was taking care of myself. That was it. Did I mess up by doing this?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 9:22 pm

No I thik you did perfectly.

Eri

November 12, 2013 at 8:28 pm

Can you give me an actual real life QBT?
I mean now i’m trying to get my ex back give me an example about how should it go?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:33 pm

Well, I do that in the E-Book so even though I love to there are some things I can’t give out for free and that will be one of them.
Eri

November 12, 2013 at 8:29 pm

It’s a bit hard and i ca’t fully get it

Emily S

November 10, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Ok so here it goes,
I was with my Boyfriend for 3 years. When after telling me he was trying to figure out how to ask me to marry him he left me a month later. His reasoning was he went to third shift and he found he didn’t miss me and how could he love someone he does not miss? And that was that. It completely caught me off guard. (honestly thinking he was going to ask me to marry him then to come to this)
About 4 days prior he went out with my mom golfing just the two of them and a few days before that was with my dad and mom watching the packer game when he became really sick but felt comfortable with my family enough to stay despite being horribly ill by something. A day or so prior to that I was out with some shared friends because he had to work and his buddy told me he had never seen my boyfriend so in love or be so happy before and he was really happy for us. The night before my boyfriend left me he still told me he loved me in his sleep when I went to kiss him goodnight and put my arms around him when I went to bed. He Always got this goofy smile about him as he would snuggle right into me as he would say it.
Our families love each other. His family loves me and has thought of me as part of the family for a long time now. More so after he told them all summer I am the forever girl and I will not be going anywhere. This came to a big shock to them when it was announced he left me. In fact his family has told me after this they are really rooting for us that he will figure out that what he is doing is not what he thinks it is or wants. They want us together. Often times his sister would tell me I brought her brother back and his parents would tell me I made him better and strive for more. My mom and dad have told me the same thing. I have never been seen as a happier person or a better person then when he came into my life.
My mom and dad don’t get whats going on and they don’t know what to say because this was a complete 180 turnaround. The only hope my mom has bestowed is this is something that similarly happened with her and my dad. They have now been happily mairied for 25 years
At this time contact has been little to nothing. I have only contacted him twice. We share a dog together and as I went to get my stuff I had to put a diaper on her because she went into heat so I let texted him to let her know she went into heat. The other was in regards to a day that is from a day in his past that I know he has trouble with. All that text said was “I know today is typically a hard day for you, I hope your doing ok” ( in 2007 he lost what I guess you could call a flame of his to a deadly car accident by a cop when the cop ran a red light).
I don’t believe he does not love me. I think he is going through something or maybe because of shift changes and not getting to see each other something happened but can be fixed or regained.
I believe he does not know what he wants and this may truly be a case of its not you its me. Where he is not sure what he wants.
As part of the break up he told me he feels that in a few months he could figure out this is the worst mistake of his life. And even though I should not go off of what his family tells me so much but when they tell me he is definetly confused and has admitted he hopes that he finds this to be a huge mistake in a few months. It gives me hope and faith.
I am tired of hearing from others that its over and I should just get over it. That I deserve better. For me I feel its my choice in what makes me happy and what I want in my life. And yes there may be better out there. But that’s not what I want. Because for me its simple I want him.
A month prior he was talking about colors for our wedding, bridesmaids, wedding bands and the children we would have. 1 2 3? Girls ? boys?
The only conclusion I have come to is he is scared, feels guilty because of his past flame.
Scared for reasons that may commonly happen.
The conclusion of guilt came forth because he broke up with me 1 week to the day from the anniversary of her death.
I need help, and I am hoping even though you don’t know me you will be willing to help me. I want him in my life and I feel deep down we could have a future together. But where do I start.

admin

November 11, 2013 at 5:51 pm

What tactics have you tried so far? NC?
Emily S

November 11, 2013 at 6:19 pm

At this time I have only contacted him twice. the first time was one week after he told me he couldn’t do it any more an he hoped he would find this was a mistake of his. the text was a simple I know today is a hard day for you typically, I hope your doing ok

the other was in regards to our dog who went into heat when I was picking up some of my things from our home.
Emily S

November 11, 2013 at 6:20 pm

I have ready your ebook cover to cover. I am just wondering what happens when the guy is not a big texter or answers his phone? Even on a good day he is bad with his phone
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:17 pm

Hmm good question. I suppose patience is key here. You just have to understand that its not going to happen fast. Is he that way with everyone?
Emily S

November 13, 2013 at 1:15 pm

I understand this will not be something that can be fixed in a day or even a month.

and yes I found that he is this way with everyone. He does this with his family and other friends. because of that they would call or text me to try and locate him.

sooner or latter he would look at the texts but most of the time he would not reply.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Well give him some time. I guess thats all you can do right now.
Emily S

November 15, 2013 at 9:44 pm

Ok, so at this point I have cut my hair over 12 inches taken off put in highlights and lowlights . I am wearing some make up but not allot I have never really been about the stuff. I have not spoken to him since October 22 or 23 I cant even remember any more. I am going out with friends and posting what I can on facebook. I have quit one job to make more time for me as I had two of them plus full time school. I have changed majors so I can take school off of my list of things I need to get done. I am 122 pounds and 5 ft 6.5 inches. working to get on the gym membership to work on toning. I am going to church more frequently. I am finding doing the things I loved to do is hard. Why because everything I did “pre boy” I did with him because we are allot alike or he shared interest so I taught him different things. Makes it hard to not think about him and keep myself occupied because of this. I have not tried to contact him but he has not me either. And I am still lost as ever. I feel like I am doing everything I can and not getting anywhere. All I know is he may be scared feels guilty or something but the general conclusion is he does not know because of the its not you its me predicament I find myself in. I don’t know how to fight this and yes your guide is very informative it still does not tell me what to do if he is not the phone or texting type or if he is shy and builds up walls.

He left me giving my the only clue of I found I didn’t miss you when I switched to 3rd shift. how can I love someone I don’t miss. but I may figure out in a week or a few months this is the worst mistake of my life.

the problem I find with the 30 nc rule is we had very busy life styles and it took allot of effort on both sides to see each other. I worked 2nd shift and was a full time student and between two jobs worked 35 hours a week. He went to 3rd shift for a spell and did 4, 10 hour shifts in a week. we lived together and it was hard to see each other. So I am just trying to figure out if the nc rule will do something?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:52 pm

Well, the NC will definitely help him to miss you and make him wonder why you aren’t lusting after him like he thinks you should be.
Emily S

November 13, 2013 at 1:16 pm

also would you stay away from social networking sights for the full 30 days or would you put pics up of what you have been up to in the meantime?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:36 pm

No I would be active on them but stay away from his profile.

heather

November 7, 2013 at 6:04 pm

My ex and I were dating for about a year and I broke up with him for cheating on me. I love him and would like to get him back so I’ve been in NC for 2 weeks now, I’m doing really well working on me :)…the problem is- he hasn’t even attempted to try and reach out to me at all. If he doesn’t text or call me at all during this NC period should I still send him a “good memory” text message at the end of NC? I feel that if I do and he doesn’t respond I’ll feel like I’ve made an ass of myself…

Also, I deleted him off all my social networks but there is one that I don’t go on very much and noticed that when I posted a pic he viewed it. I know that I shouldn’t have any contact at all but was that a good sign? Should I delete him off that app as well? It was a pic of my baby nephew and I (we are both family ppl) I wish I knew what he was thinking lol

admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Its up to you really. However, just realize that sometimes having him see you on social networks can be an advantage.
Heather

November 8, 2013 at 7:07 pm

I was actually thinking that myself, cool…I’ve learned so much reading your guides, I feel like a new & IN CONTROL woman lol thank you so much 🙂
admin

November 9, 2013 at 11:47 pm

No problem! Be careful with this knowledge 😉

Olivia

November 7, 2013 at 1:11 am

He and I broke up because he still had feelings for his ex and he was communication and seeing her. I let him go now he is contacting me after 40 days of NC saying that he missess talking to me. He said he still doesn’t know how to let the other woman go .In the mean time he is not happy when I am not around. I am so confused. Why does he contact me if he doesn’t know how to let the other woman go.?

admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:51 pm

I think it has a lot to do with him having a connection with you that this other woman doesn’t have.
Olivia

November 10, 2013 at 4:55 am

He calls me everyday atleast once to checkup on me..however , the other woman still there and his first priority. Do you think he has feelings for me?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 9:55 pm

Yes but the question is: are those feeling enough?
Olivia

November 10, 2013 at 10:35 pm

no it is not..I want to completely have him back…do I have any hope?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 5:48 pm

Sure you do! You just have to be smart about how you approach the situation.
Olivia

November 13, 2013 at 11:17 pm

right now we r on fr zone and I am acting tuff and not expressing emotions. It seems like he want to go out with me on a date but afraid to approach cause he doesn’t kw how to let the other woman go and thinks it is not fair with me to lead me on. He is acting strong . He is stubborn too. we r both talking everyday but just as a fr and acting tuff. I am not sure how to make the nxt approach Chris or how long i should wait
admin

November 14, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Have you implemented any of the advice fromt his gudie?
Olivia

November 15, 2013 at 12:10 am

you mean the pro-guide?
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:13 pm

Yes! That and the site together pretty much will give you almost everything you need.

MR

November 7, 2013 at 12:45 am

My ex and I have been broken up for almost a month. After we split, I immediately took him off FB, deleted his text messages, and went to NC. I haven’t broken it at all. He also hasn’t initiated any contact. I have gone out witj friends, gotten in better shape, and i absolutely feel wonderful about myself. NC ends next Thursday. Do you think I’ve got a pretty good chance if getting him back?

admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:48 pm

I think you have done amazing this far and I think you will do amazing post no contact too.

Erin

November 6, 2013 at 3:17 pm

First off I love your website! Secondly—Men send such mixed signals. Here is my dilemma:

My bf and I have been broken up for a month now. He said he wanted to be friends but that we couldnt see each other for awhile before we do that. I agreed of course. He broke up with me. His reasons was that he wasn’t happy anymore and that I was too much of a homebody and didnt party like him. Basically that we were two different people in love with each other. We lived together for a year. Well when we broke up I did all the wrong things like cry and go to his house to drop him a letter saying that I turned into a completely different person which I did because of all the stress from me dealing with some very serious health issue( I went through thyroid cancer, but im fine now) and losing my job,etc. He said he didnt want to get back together and that I needed to respect his choice.

The next two weeks I did NC and hung out with all our mutual friends, partying and having a good time. Got a makeup and everything. I also got an amazing new job and he was under the impression that I was seeing someone, but I wasn’t. He would avoid going to the same places as me and wouldnt talk to me…nothing. Until Halloween night he texted me at 2 am and said he missed me. So I responded and he said that he wanted to meet up at a friends house and hang out. So I agreed and everything was fine. He seemed quiet and would stare at me.

Our friends had to leave and he asked me to sit in his car and chat. He put in Pink Floyd: Dark Side Of the Moon , which has a backstory. My dad passed away when I was 16 and I got all of his vinyls. My favorite was Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon and I lent it to my sister. Well I found it after years and brought it home to my ex…once I opened it it looked as if someone had stepped on it and cracked it in the middle. It was an original 1960s press and I was devastated over it. So….while we are sitting in the car listening to this he tells me that since the breakup hes been actively trying to find this vinyl for me and that he found it but he has to convince the guy to give it to him. He also apologized for avoiding me completely because he couldnt bare seeing me with someone else , which he was under the impression I was seeing someone else. He also started to ask me about the relationship. He said I feel like its my fault and I said no its partially my fault and that I lost sight of myself,etc. And I turned to look at him and he was tearing up.

After this he asked if we could hang out all day saturday and go to the comic festival together with a mutual friend. I said yes and we had such a great day together. He was very attentive towards me and by my side all the time. Flirting with me and dressed in what he knew was my favorite outfit to impress me. Also when I had to reach near him in the car I could hear him smelling me. Everything was perfect that day. Then the next day he never texts or calls me and I havent heard anything from him since. I texted him once to wish him happy Guy Fawkes day ( its a nerd thing) and he responded with two words.

What is going on here? Im confused…. Im considering going back to NC.

admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Definitely go back into NC!

Also Guy Fawkes AWESOME!
Erin

November 7, 2013 at 2:28 pm

Do I go back to the 30 days….what if he contacts me which I know he will. But most likely to just hang out. Also his uncle’s wedding is on thanksgiving day he said he wants me to go because I was close to the family…What are your thoughts on that?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:33 pm

Gosh its such a tough decision if you keep get roped into these hang outs you may be classified as just a friend but also there may be a chance to rekindle things. My spider sense say the friends thing is more likely if you keep hanging out with him instead of NC.
Erin

November 9, 2013 at 3:03 pm

This is one of those really unique situations I think….He contacted me yesterday to talk. We hashed every single little detail about our relationship. He told me that the last few months I battled cancer that he stuck by my side because he loved me, but that he wasn’t in love with me. I pointed out that couldnt be true because you told me you loved me. His response to that was that he never said to me that he was in love with me though.

He also admitted to me that he thinks I’m better without him and that I’m his white buffalo. He was in a 6 year marriage 3 years before me and he said the divorce was easier than this and we were together for a year.

He said since the breakup he’s never been more unhappy in his life. He doesnt want to be with me because hes not in love with me but that he cant live without me. He just stays at home watching the same Dr. who reruns that we used to watch and that everything he does is directly influenced by me and what we used to do. He says that I have such a strong hold on him.

He’s emphasized that he cant live without me in his life…at this point as friends. He is just so happy around me, but he doesn’t want me as a partner(relationship). He cried saying he didn’t lie to me during the entire time i was sick…he did love me so much. I’m just finding it so hard to grasp the “in love” and “love” because if he was much more happier with me why wouldnt he want to be with me now? He also admitted that right after the break up he tried to sleep with someone to take the pain away but he stopped and said he couldn’t do it because it didn’t feel right. He is not actively trying to find anyone or be with anyone for that matter because of this.

I said I dont know If I can be friends with him because of how much he hurt me and he got really upset and cried, then we said goodbye. He called me back and said you know we cant be without each other we will see each other again. And I said I don’t know I need some space. I told him I love him and he said no you don’t. Then we tried to change the subject to a more lighter note. After we said goodbye and couple of minutes later I received a text from him of his “you know what” and saying for old times sake. He immediately called and apologized and said he regretted that…but if you should so want to send naked photos that would be amazing since I still find you sexy. He played this off in a jokingly way but I know he meant it too.

All of this is so conflicting—It’s draining me and making me have anxiety.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:18 am

Well he still thinks about you which is nice. But not sure what his motivations are.

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