How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”

Jess

November 5, 2013 at 12:31 am

Hi Chris,

1. Thanks for the really valuable information.

2. My bf and I haven’t met each other for about a year although on-and-off we keep in touch via email. We did not really spell out that we have broken up, it just happens when we started ignoring each other. He is really upset that I am still friends with my previous ex and that was why we broke up. He wanted me to severe ties with my “friend-ex”, and I couldn’t do it.

3. I applied the NC on him for 3 months and we barely spoke beyond “Hope you are doing well, take care”.

4. After the 3 months, I went to meet him (knowing where he frequently go). Things were fine until he brought up about the topic of whether I have severe ties with my “friend-ex”. I haven’t. He said he doesn’t want to get involved this time anymore and he said “Please leave me alone. I don’t want to see you or communicate with you. I mean it.”

I am not sure what I should do now. Suppose if I severe ties with my “friend-ex”, and then let him know, will he think that I am desperate for him?

Any good advice for me?

Thanks!

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:42 pm

Did you use any of the text messages I recommend on this site BEFORE you saw him?
Jess

November 6, 2013 at 10:45 am

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the response. I only chanced upon your website and bought your e-book yesterday, so – no, I did not use any of the text messages you recommended on this site before I let him. In fact, I did not know I was doing NC, I just thought I needed time to settle my emotions.

Having said that, have I damaged the relationship terribly?

I have just completed reading your e-book yesterday.

1. Perhaps I was too excited that he was willing to meet me and I made it a point to meet him almost daily. This might have turned him away again. Was I coming too strong after the NC? Since he has once again brought up the topic on leaving him alone, do I have to restart NC all over again now?

2. While talking to him those days, he seems to act as though he is only meeting and talking to me because I approached him. He completely avoided approaching me. Is this a sign he is throwing the ball to me and asking me to do the “chase”?

3. Two days ago, I have told him that I have severed ties with my “friend-ex”. He did not respond to that email. I guess that he has turned into the “Angry Man” type you mentioned in your “No Contact” post. Is there a way to move him from “Angry Man” to a more receptive man?

4. Right after NC, he did have a slip-tongue and accidentally said something like “I tolerated everything. Why did you think I left my email account unclosed all these months?” (the months where I had NC). This time, he still has not closed his email account although he is not responding. I have sent him two emails (two days ago) and thought I should start NC again today. Do I assume that he is thinking and hoping to get back together?

5. I am afraid if I keep on doing NC, I may lose the chance to ever patch up with him again. He is the type of man that hangs on his sleeves, “If you love me you had better say it out quickly like right now or I am leaving you”. Basically, he is impatient and wants things or wants results fast. Whenever we broke up, if I was a little persistent and continued meeting him regardless of his reaction, he would eventually give in to me and we try to work things out again. But it does not last long before we are worn out again and start quarreling.

After leaving him for almost a year now (only having email contacts once every few weeks), I need something more that what I can find in No Contact rule to get him back. I have read your Post for the leaving more than a year, but I am unsure which stage I am at right now. (a) start no contact all over again? (b) Just go on being persistent and look for him? (c) I have lost all hopes?

Please advice. Thanks. 🙂
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Have you read the latest guide? its all about what your ex is thinking during NC.

Razan

November 4, 2013 at 10:54 am

During the NC period i met my ex-boyfriend and he came saying hi and blames me for not asking about him as he kept calling me and i ignored him , then i met him in halloween and i pay him no attention and asked me to take me back home but i told that my sister’s boyfriend will take us home. Should i restart NC period ? As the NC will end up in few days .

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:17 pm

I think we can let that one slide. Just add a week or two on to it.
Razan

November 7, 2013 at 4:37 pm

During NC period, My ex is liking my pictures on instagram and facebook , and he never tries to contact me ? What does he want ?! Is it normal ?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Its normal. He is just seeing how you respond to it.

Kwonders

November 4, 2013 at 8:51 am

My guy has anxiety, and never broke up me, but just dropped off the face of the earth. I did the NC for 3 months(so did he), then he started coming back (wrote me a long letter, i only gave a short kind reply, basically saying i was willing to talk). He didn’t reply, but seemed lonely (Facebook posts), so I invited him to a group Facebook event via Facebook, which led to him texting me, calling me, and inviting me to do things with him. We ended up having really great talks and cuddling, flirting, ALMOST kissing, being seen together in front of our friends,…then the 4th time we hung out, I accidentally referenced in conversation that we were “dating,” and he freaked out, and stopped spending time with me, texting, etc. 1 week later, he apologized over the phone(I called him to ask if i offended him, and he said he’d been working on an apology letter), and then also finished and sent me the apology letter the next day, which also said he still didn’t know what I meant by “dating,” and had noticed I left somewhere recently with a guy, so for all he knew, I was dating other guys, so how could I be dating him? I didn’t reply to the letter. The next day he revealed things we’d done together ex sushi dinner (which he had previously hidden) on his Facebook wall, and started inviting me over to do things for me (fix my computer, etc). I hesitantly agreed to the computer(he fixed it, then showed me a YouTube video, but that was it, didn’t even walk me to my car). Two nights later, I saw him at an event we always attend, and he invited me over for jacuzzi jet therapy for my back injury that night. I said I couldn’t, and would take a rain check. the next night was Halloween, and we were at the same party. He wanted LOTS of pictures with me, and talked to me at the party a couple times – i tried to always be the first to leave the conversation. We then surprisingly bumped into eachother on a hiking trail 2 days later (he was running, i was walking – due to my injury). He interrupted his training run to walk and talk with me for a while, then said he’d run a couple trails and come back again. He did, and walked and talked for a while again, then left. it’s been 2 days, and he hasn’t made any more plans with me, never posted the Halloween pictures on Facebook, hasn’t texted, and hasn’t cuddled with me since he freaked out (2 weeks ago). Also, I never replied to his 2 page email of him apologizing and explaining that he didn’t know what i meant by “dating.” What should I do? Should I start NC again? Should I reply to his email letter from a week ago? If so, what should I say??

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:09 pm

Do NC for a little while longer and then reach out to him.
Kwonders

November 5, 2013 at 7:12 am

He texted today, showing concern and asking about the status of a stressful situation in my life. (It’s been 2 days since I we accidentally saw eachother on the hiking trail). You said continue NC a “little while longer and then reach out to him.”
1. How much longer?, and
2. Reach out to him via text? or email? or how?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:19 pm

I think you can respond to him via text.
Kwonders

November 11, 2013 at 8:54 am

Thank you! I emailed him and apologized for the delay in replying to his email(he LOVES writing LONG emails to sort out relationship things). I said I’d been busy, and that I HAD written him an email, but didn’t yet have time to shorten it, and didn’t know what exactly he meant by some of the things he said in his email, so I didn’t really know what to say, but that I just wanted him to be happy.

I then switched gears and used your idea to bring up a good memory from our past.

That was late Thursday night (after he usually goes to bed). It’s now late Sunday night, and I’ve gotten no reply from him (as much as he loves emails, he sometimes takes several days to reply to them). His roommate told me this morning that my ex said he has absolutely NO desire to date ANYone whatsoever, and seemed kind of worn out on relationship stuff, and went to hang out with platonic female friends tonight. What should I do at this point?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Sit and let it stew for a bit.
Kwonders

November 11, 2013 at 10:48 pm

Thank you Chris!!!!!!

1.) Do you think I moved too fast (cuddling, and mentioning the word “dating,” and drama with his female friend), and ruined it, so he’s over it for good now(telling his roommate he has NO desire WHATSOEVER to date)? Is there any chance of getting back together with him?

2.) He also asked his roommate if he’d tolerate dating someone who didn’t permit him to keep in touch with someone(female). I didn’t do that, but he thought I did a year ago when one of his female friends(who is in love with him) was rude to me when she met me(didn’t want to share him). I corrected his misunderstanding back in May, and said he’s free to hang out with anyone he wants, but apparently he’s still thinking of it.

3) By “sit and let it stew for a bit,” do you mean go back to NC again?? If so, for how long?

4) Would it be bad to post pictures on Facebook of flowers someone gave me, and a secluded rooftop table with a guy sitting at the table(I’m not in the picture, just the back of the guy’s head looking out into the view)? He might possibly know its from one of my performances(my job) if he read captions on the other pictures in the album.
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:49 pm

1. Its possible. You need to go slow. But yes, there is a chance.

2. Yes, maybe he is trying to play the victim.

3. Yes, for just a few days. Unless he contacts you.

4. Nope!
Kwonders

November 13, 2013 at 5:14 am

Thank you Chris!
1. You said it’s possible…possible that I ruined things for good, and it’s over forever now since I went too fast?
3. You said NC for just a few days. Unless he contacts me. What if he doesn’t contact me?? What should I do??
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:46 pm

1. No, just that he lost some feelings or got creeped out cause things went too fast.
3. NC for a few days and then you contact him.
Kwonders

November 13, 2013 at 9:38 am

5. Also, we often end up at the same social gatherings; he had started talking to me at these things when things were getting good between us, but now he’s back to not talking to me at these things again. Are my chances less likely of getting back together with him now? or nearly impossible now(because of what I explained above)?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:10 pm

No I don;t think so.
Kwonders

November 11, 2013 at 5:48 pm

P.S. I had waited 2 weeks to reply to his email, (I had done NC continuation, as you suggested), and during that time he texted, but I ignored it, he posted pictures of us from Halloween, which I also ignored, and he’s been hanging out with these 2 platonic female friends who are roomates who he’s been hanging out with the entire time we’ve been apart. One of them falsely accused me to my face of being a stalker…then she later apologized, but still seemed to not like me). So, what should I do if he’s choosing to hang out with them all the time instead of me, and telling his roommate that he has no desire whatsoever to date, and seems to be frustrated by the anxiety of relationships/talks as if it’s wearing him out?

J

November 3, 2013 at 11:46 pm

My ex boyfriend has blocked me in every way possible except Twitter!
I admit, I turned into an epic gnat… But he told me he was still cut up about his last relationship split but he realised that he loved me – Even though he spent so much time telling me that it was the ‘past’. I totally got emotional.
I got very gnatty and even messaged her *eeek* – so he told me not to call him or anything else.

He really hurt my feelings. Like majorly because I felt like he lied to me throughout our time together.

It’s been 10 days since I last messaged. I’m considering NC, but I’m debating whether our relationship is beyond repair. And, in a situation where I’m blocked from all means of communications (except maybe email or text) – I don’t know how to even go forward.

I want to apologise (even though he hurt me badly too), but will bringing it up help? Keep it casual? I do want to take responsibility for my part, but I want to take it slowly too.

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:26 pm

An EPIC text gnat…. whoa…

hahahaha.

For now, just apologize AFTER NC and when the two of you are on better terms.
EPIC Gnat

November 4, 2013 at 11:32 pm

I am just debating whether he will be receptive because he is an angry/stubborn character rolled into one. He does try to call my bluff. But you know when a situation seems irreparable?!

A lot of emotional stuff was said on my side when he initially broke up with me because he used his ex girlfriend as a reason for him not being able to commit to me fully – despite the fact that she was a major concern in our relationship and he knew this. We had a few arguments about it. He said that he realised that he really did love me… but I just saw the betrayal because of what we had already discussed.

So, after a rather passive text, I text told him that I was hell bent on moving on because I was ‘ashamed’ and ’embarrassed’. He text me some stuff about how he hoped someone else did treat me better. Then I kind of said I missed him after a week, then he turned around and was pretty spiteful. I messaged his ex (not maliciously) but hoping to get answers from her because I really just wanted to know once and for whether I had been played. Yeah… she didn’t actually give me any. Instead he came back, FURIOUS. I got apologetic. Then kind of came to my senses and sent one long email basically saying that I give up – don’t know if he got this at this stage, I was already blocked.

I shouldn’t laugh, but flaming hell! Love makes you do some real random s!#?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:35 pm

Hahah hey if you heard some of the things I say when I get emotional you would go …. WHAT??
J

November 5, 2013 at 5:49 pm

The one thing I’ve definitely learned from this whole thing is…. Take a step back.

Put the phone down. Take a step back.

I’m going to complete my 30 NC. I kind of what to get him to meet up with me so we can discuss things. I think that if I try and go for the ‘trip down memory lane’ approach, he will just think… Get straight to the point lol.

So how do I compose an apology/suggested meet up worthy of a response… I can’t find a Chris ‘How to Guide’ loooool.
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:34 pm

Be more specific. What do you mean by apology/suggested meetup?
Jen

November 6, 2013 at 6:03 pm

I know one of the reasons why he is hurt is because I contacted his ex girlfriend. That’s where the situation definitely took a turn for the HORRENDOUS.

I’m 110% sorry about it because I know it came off looking like I didn’t trust him. But? The fact is that, at the time… I didn’t really. He had the whole of our relationship to tell me that his last relationship took a lot out of him, but he used it as a reason to end our relationship. At the time, I was looking for answers because I was so confused as to why he was just coming out and saying it all then. So, I guess I went for the source of the confusion and wanted to ask her myself. This didn’t work – booooo on every level!!!!

So now, I’m torn between fighting for the “connection” after having time to think or letting his revelation ruin us – remembering he has blocked me.

I don’t really know how to go about appealing to his calm side and whether he is even up for listening to me. If I break no contact via the methods in the guide.. He is 110% going to be like ‘why are you being fake?’ Loooool.

Not too sure how to reach out neutrally – advertising that I know I could have handled it better… But I was hurt.
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:09 pm

I guess you can reach out with a general “Hey, whats up I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you were.”
Jj

November 9, 2013 at 9:16 pm

I shouldn’t bring up the past or apologise at the initial stage?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:24 am

Nah wait until you have him hooked into a conversation for that.

sophia

November 3, 2013 at 10:47 pm

Hi Chris! My friend introduced me to your website and I find it very helpful. Hopefully it will help me get my guy back. Here’s our story:

I met this guy (we were never bf/gf though) in March and everything was nice. We saw each other once a week and truly enjoyed each other’s company. However, he started getting very busy when he decided to open another clothing store(he previously owned one clothing store) and he slowly started drifting away from me. Of course, the more he drifted away the more I contacted him. Now 7 months later he does not contact me. I am the one always contacting him. He responds every now and then, but I would have to send him at least a couple texts until I can get a response from him. The other day I spoke to him and told him that I have very strong feelings for him and that I want something serious. I also complained that he never contacts me nor wants to see me. He said he does not “have time” for a relationship as his clothing store is his first priority. However, he did not per say “break up” with me because we were never together. So what do I do? Do I implement the NC rule? If so, what if he contacts me, do I respond? Because he never told me that he doesn’t want to speak to me anymore.

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:20 pm

Give your friend a hug for me :).

I would say definitely try the no contact rule. Don’t respond if he does contact you though.
sophia

November 5, 2013 at 3:42 am

I’m fine with not contacting him but I’m afraid that if I don’t respond to him IF he does contact me that he will never attempt to do it again. He’s very egotistical! I don’t think he’s the type to stick his neck out and try to contact me more than once if I don’t respond to him. What do you think?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:57 pm

its ok if he doesn’t reach out more than once. What matters is what he is feeling inside.
heather

November 7, 2013 at 7:17 pm

My ex is the same way- extremely egotistical and that’s why I am so scared, he might not reply to me after the NC period..
admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:49 pm

Have you read the guide on male minds during NC?
Heather

November 8, 2013 at 7:27 pm

About to now 🙂

Sofie

November 1, 2013 at 11:14 pm

Hi Chris,

great guide, very helpful:) You turned me into a complete “Ex Boyfriend Recovery – Junkie” in these last weeks. I found myself coming back more often for further contents and also to read the older ones to help me get the info sink in just a little bit more. Big thanks again, you are a star!:)

Just finished a 2 weeks NC combined with a 2 weeks LC combo with my not so ex-boyfirend. (we never really broke up, just drifted apart due to his personal problems, limited amount of time he invested in me caused me to do the NC)
The 2 weeks LC went down with him making contact via calling, texting, chatting, I was answering politely but always kept it short and neutral. He insisted so many times to meet up, I finally gave in and we met couple of days ago after a 5 weeks hiatus.

It went fantastically (thanks to your guides I was emotionally prepared for most of the tricky situations:))
He was complimenting me a lot, said straightforward that he wants many similar meetings with me and he is always immensely happy and realxed whenever he is around me. (He also said “next time we will have the same wine” and a lot of similar stuff referring to the future) He asked me to give him the diary I kept about our past rendezvous so he could read all those memories again. He never missed an opportunity to touch me, hug me, once he held me for minutes and kissed my forehead and hair couple of times, held my hand for two hours while he was walking me home. Only missing element was the kiss itself, however I was completely happy about the hugs and wouldn’t really have felt comfortable in a kiss situation so soon.
He also said that all the time we are spending together is magical, and never felt that somebody knew and understood him as much as I do.

Now to the downsides:
1 he brought up the past that I really didn’t mean to discuss at this point. Eventually I did anyway, as it was a confession and didn’t mean to be rude not to let him speak up his heart. He expressed his deep regret that he strayed away from me during his hard times, and he said he is kinda having hard time to fogive this to himself as it was not fair with me. In spite of the delicate topic the conversation remained heartfelt and tame. I told him that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, and assured him that I have no hard feelings, this is life, rough times are happening, no need to be frustrated more than it is absoluetly necessary. I also hinted that in spite of the difficulties we are still here and it is only up to us where things are going from here. Also hinted very subtly that if he is unable to let this bad feeling go, maybe he will cause a bigger rift between us that he might regret once again in the future and the cirle of regrets might never end.
2 He mentioned that I became really tough, and implied that I might be a bit tough with him as well.
3 He said that currently he is unable to move forward while he is having the guilt. He said if he could, than we would have been long gone from this romantic site and would be at home making love and he would cuddle me until I fall asleep. But right now he just can’t do this, he needs time to get healed.

In my understanding:
He has deep feelings for me
He didn’t give up on us
Missing me as a woman
but
comfortable to carry out whatever this is for an undetermined time while he is having my attention and good will.

I have divided my plan into sections: get him interested, get the first date, establish daily contact, restore relationship.

I would much appreciate if you could tell me what would be the right thing to do in order to carry out the next phase of my plan with success, which is establish a healtly daily contact.

I’m keen to avoid the pitfall of getting stuck in the confusion/limbo state.
Let me explain what concerns me: this has the exact same vibe when we were drifting apart. The meetings were wonderful but were only happening once in a week, while in the meantime nothing meaningful happened: not a call, not an engaging chat, nothing. This went on for 2 months in the drifting-apart phase, and caused my NC behavior in the first place.

I’m feeling that I’m back to the beginning, where he is confused, have no idea what he wants and barely contacts me. It drives me crazy the idea that how on earth two people are so deeply connected and enjoying each others company that much ALL of the times they spent together, but won’t initiate more contact?

Is there any way to get him to initiate more contact and maybe ask me how I’m doing? Not only show interest in every two weeks?

Many thanks in advance for the help
Cheers
Sofie

admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Well obviously NC can accomplish the getting him interesting/texting you.

I like your plan it sounds solid but take things one step at a time. Getting the first date may not be as easy as you think. Generally speaking the slower you go the better your results.

Elle Miller

October 30, 2013 at 6:20 pm

I just have one question. How many NCs must I endure? Since I somehow messed up again, and he de-friended me on Facebook (he won’t block me this time, I’m sure so he can spy). I’m doing another NC. Actually, a friend of his put him on blast on Facebook and it let me maybe know that he my be with his child’s mom. After a couple posts, which I gather he took personally, he de-friends me. Damn! Foiled! So I sent a private message, which he ignored. I was doing so well before this. I’m getting tired of running. Quite a few hurdles — LDR, age difference, baby momma. But I will fight for Love. How many NCs must get dissed? 🙂

admin

October 30, 2013 at 10:05 pm

As many as you can take hahaha.

If you start thinking this isn’t going anywhere I can help you move on too.
Elle Miller

October 31, 2013 at 11:03 pm

I’ve fallen and can’t/don’t want to get up.
I want him to realize he had no reason to be insecure or distrust me. We both made mistakes (nothing big) and I always forgave. I’m not scared to be alone. I was alone before I met him. As a matter of fact, there are too many men vying for me, but he still has my heart because I promised it to him. I want him back. All the other men just makes me sad he is not here. Move on? I want him to run, not walk, back to me.
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:22 pm

I don’t think you are alone with how you feel. One thing I urge you to realize is that how long this process takes depends on factors out of your hands.

hdub

October 29, 2013 at 5:07 pm

I have been broken up with my ex for about 1.5 months now. We were together for almost 4 years. I did NC for a month, it was good for me to heal but once I initiated contact things felt fresh and raw again. Our first texts were good and fine, he ended it with “I hope you are happy”. I wasn’t sure what to make of that?
I texted him again last night with a good memory of us from the past and said hope your doing good. He responded by ignoring the memory and said “im doing good hope you are doing good.” then I decided to cut the crap and straight up ask him to meet up, I said “I understood if your not ready to meet up but it would be nice to hear about what your up to.” He hasn’t responded at all and I am pretty confident he won’t.
I have heard he has been drinking a lot more than usual and he was taking our break up REALLY hard. This confuses me because while I talked with him initially HE was the one to initiate taking a break and ultimately breaking up!

I was just wondering how to deal with an ex that is very sensitive and going through a tough time? I want to at least be able to get to a mature friendly level with him. I am also worried about his well being. I know that he is more sensitive than most guys yet he doesn’t know how to deal with his feeling just like most guys. He is known as being the most enthusiatic and expressive of his friends and now everyone tells me he is a mess and super sad and drunk all the time.

How should I handle his sensitivity? Will he never talk to me again because he is so hurt?

admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:01 am

I think he will talk to you again but doing NC is something that will benefit both of you.

What was his reasoning for initiating the break again?
hdub

October 31, 2013 at 3:45 pm

He ended up texting me back the next day saying that he isn’t ready to meet up yet but soon we will meet up. He is definitely taking things hard still. I guess I just won’t communicate with him now until he contacts me. I feel like I put the ball in his court now.

His reason for initiating the break was that I had a talk with him about our future together and how it doesn’t seem like he includes me in his talks of the future. I also brought up other little issues which I shouldn’t have brought up. Anyway, he suggested going on a break and I begrudgingly agreed and then a week later he broke up with me. Obviously there is a lot more to this but I can’t write it all here. My main thing that bothers me is how upset he was while breaking up with me and how upset people have told me he is and how sad he seems when I text him. I didn’t want to end our relationship and tried to get him to stay but he ended things. This has left me confused and saddened and even if we don’t get back together I want to make sure he is okay because I care about him.
anyway, I agree I am going to restart NC, not for me but for him so he can have the space he needs to do alright.
admin

October 31, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Sweet please keep me updated on your progress!

anonymous

October 29, 2013 at 11:55 am

What if i did all the above? NC, no emotional text msging but quality text msging. And leaving the conversation hanging by not replying him. But he still doesn’t make any first move to initiate contact with me? Or chase after me? But if i were to text him, he will reply. I can’t be the one constantly doing the chase right 🙁 if he sees me as just a friend how do i get out of the friendzone even if i have done everything? From NC and all. Its starting to feel hopeless 🙁

admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:49 am

Was it always like this? You having to make the first move.

You may have to get bold in that case.
anonymous

October 30, 2013 at 4:43 am

Its only been like this since the past few mths after we broke up and tried to stay as friends. But during that period he has been seeing other ladies which i doubt it lasted for no more than 6mths. Cause he keeps claiming he’s not ready for rshp. He tells me doesn’t mean he’s dating around, he is happy. And keeps referring to the ladies he dates as “friends” so i’m not sure if he’s really serious about them?

Anyway he used to chase after me. when we were seriously dating for a year plus. Thereafter he said he got bored of our rshp. And thats when we broke up and i’ve been doing the chase ever since (since april this yr) so he’s been seeing other ladies since early this yr.

Anyway i’m done with NC its been almost a wk we’ve been texting. His response are generally positive. But i don’t want to keep doing the chase for long! ( since i’ve been chasing up till before NC)
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:18 pm

How positive has his responses been? Can you give me more specifics.
anonymous

October 30, 2013 at 10:39 pm

Well its more to neutral positive? if i were to bring up a memory and say “do you remember…” he will reply “hahaha of course i remember, how could i forget” or if i were to try cut the convo prematurely by saying “okay lunchtime now, i’ll catch up with you later, happy lunching” he’d reply saying “my lunchtime is alrdy over, hahaha. I had a light lunch”

The thing is, he will reply me if i ask him a qns. But he will not ask me any qns back to carry on the convo.

Another instance when i bring up a memory “do you remember our night rides home after you finished your army training? I’ve always felt you look gd in uniform” he replied saying “i have an opportunity to volunteer again training for this parade event, dont know if i should go for it yet”

So i dont know if all of these are negative? Neutral? Positive?
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:15 pm

I guess it is positive but you have nothing hooking him into the conversation…

Try making a statement like:

“You know what, Halloween is totally awesome” and see how he reacts. If he respnods to a statement then I would consider it to be a good thing.
anonymous

November 1, 2013 at 12:46 am

Also for how long more should i carry on initiating contact first? I’ve been throwing compliments at him saying he’s handsome and all and he seemed to entertain my msgs quite a fair bit. Its been one wk since i have contacted him after NC. So far i have been making the first move to contacting him. I wonder whats going through his mind now? Probably “this lady is contacting me everyday just to stroke my ego and bring up past gd memories” haha. I dont know if he’s entertaining my msgs for the sake of it or because he really wants to.

How much more heavy lifting (of initiating contact first) should i carry on doing before just giving up on him? If he does not initiate contact does that mean that he’s not interested in me anymore? Then again, if he is not interested, he wont even be replying my msgs right?

And what are the tell tale signs that he maybe dating other ladies as well? I’m scared if there is competition and men generally may wanna choose the “new lady” rather than the “old or past lady”

Oh my gosh. I dont mean to think or read into it so much, waste braincells thinking and getting myself all confused 🙁
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Its such a confusing thing b/c there are so many factors and outcomes that come into play.

Do me a favor though. Just ask me one question at a time b/c a flurry of ones isn’t time effective for me.
anonymous

November 3, 2013 at 3:32 am

Sorry about that! Anyway since i gotten your ebook, i’ve been trying my best to follow it. Its day 8 since i contacted him after NC. i have been initiating the contact all the way. And ignored him for 2days this past wk (following your ebook) i’m quite sad that he didn make the effort to contact me during that 2days though 🙁

Anyway today is day 8. I plucked up the courage and called him and asked him out for lunch tomorrow. He said okay. Wish me luck that he doesn cancel on me!

Okay, now my qns is, can i tell him honestly how i feel about him? That i dont want to lose him and i want to try again to make things work? I dont want to play games. But i’m afraid of scaring him away so soon 🙁
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:58 pm

Good luck hope he doesn’t cancel on you.

Not yet. Read my guide on the first date I just posted.
anonymous

October 30, 2013 at 11:01 pm

And the part abt lunchtime. I purposely replied him an hour plus later saying “why light lunch? Having heavy dinner later?” (My indirect way of wanting to know if he may have a dinner date) anyway he replied saying “no. I just dont know what to eat. Hahaha. I’m working part time later”

He usually replies within 15mins. Though his full time job in the day, he is usually on the go a lot. We’re both working in the shipping/marine industry. I’m in the office side (forever in office) and he is more having to board ships etc.

Since he is on the go a lot. I’m assuming its a good thing his replies are quick right? Usually he may take a max of an hour to reply.

Katrina

October 29, 2013 at 2:45 am

NC done!!! And sent my 1st ATB!!!

Me: “Ohhh A dog just passed by and he totally looked like (ex’s pet), and you just crossed my mind. How have you been doing? :)”

After 3 hours…
Ex: “Hi. Sorry i don’t check my phone much. Anyway, maybe it was really (ex’s pet). I’m okay.”

After 30mins…
Me: “How could that be (ex’s pet)? He doesn’t go out of the house! Haha! Anyway, take care!”

Then got no response after that, but i’m glad he replied on the first one even if it took 3 hours. I’m so glad i followed the NC! That was a big achievement for me. Im planning to send anoer ATB next week. Hope it gives him time to think about me.

I hope i get a positive response this time, with a smiley perhaps, haha!

admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:36 am

Yea wait another 3-5 days and send something else.

Hayley

October 29, 2013 at 1:10 am

My ex dumped me after almost a year in aug. We kept in low contact up until a few weeks ago when I started no contact (day 24). He and I never actually talked about the break up until that day.

His initial reason for breaking up was we both had changed and he didn’t like they way we both changed. He said he struggled with his decision to break up after a few weeks of ending it. He said he eventually was happy with his decision and was happy with the choice he made. He said multiple times he really enjoys hanging out with me and really wanted to continue being friends. Eventually I told him I either wanted to get back together or cut ties. I did not want to be just friends. He agreed that it was best for me if we cut ties. I told him if he ever changed his mind about us to text me, but not to if he didn’t want me back.

We both are at the same college and he wants to experience college without me. What gets me is he admitted he talks about how he feels to his friends (weird because he normally bottles things up) and whenever he is feeling upset they always are there to cheer him up. The way our final conversation went gave me the impression that he isn’t fully over me (which he admitted a week earlier), but he refuses to give it another shot and is forcing himself to move on.

I decided that in a few more weeks I am gonna break NC and see if there is any shot at getting him to want me again. The only problem is I’m worried he won’t want to talk because he thought we agreed on not talking again. Do you think that him thinking we aren’t going to talk again might make him rethink his decision to break up or do you think he may just have accepted we aren’t talking again so he is 100% over it?

admin

October 29, 2013 at 3:12 am

I think that if you send a text that he is forced to reply to he will reply hahah simple as that.
Hayley

November 4, 2013 at 3:22 am

What do you think I should text him? I told him I was never going to talk to him again, and I am really regretting telling him that. I just feel like me saying that gave him that final push to move on forever.
admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:42 pm

Deep down he probably didn’t take that seriously.
Hayley

October 29, 2013 at 1:29 am

We were on good terms with each other before NC. He never avoided my texts and we never argued/had any awkward moments after the split. I just couldn’t handle just friends.

Gail

October 28, 2013 at 11:41 pm

Wow!! Thank you! I have bought several programs on getting the ex back and how to handle things as they go and you are spilling it for us here. I literally cannot afford another penny right now on anything but I will buy your ebook when I can.
I was so hurt last week when he ended it with me out of the blue. He had been after me from day one, pursuing, calling, texting, begging and we needed up being more of a booty call against my better judgement. I liked him so much and trusted him only to end up here. Yuck! It felt like my heart had been ripped out in front of me and was being shown toe. We have been seeing each other for 6 months. I did call him after a few days of not hearing from him and he was so cold and rude. I literally did not get it so I texted him later that night and asked what was wrong and why was he so cold. No response. I quickly backed off, found your page and stopped. Cried all week. One week later (yesterday) he texted the generic “testing the waters” text but I have not responded. Thank you….I feel so much better knowing that he expected me to keep trying to find an answer from him and I didn’t nor will I. it actually got his attention. Haha!!! Love it! I’m determined to follow through with NC but my problem is…he can call my office and I have to answer. Is that breaking the NC rule? I work for a doctor and he makes appointments for his daughter. I love getting the power back and don’t want to blow it. He hurt my feelings so bad, the truth is, I don’t want to see him right now or try to come up with reasons I won’t. Thanks again for sharing on this baffling subject. By the way, he is a widower with children. Had a lot on him but no excuse for bad behavior i font think. I want to change the booty call thing for sure. Oh and changed my Facebook (we are not friends) he stalks it I know 🙂

admin

October 29, 2013 at 3:09 am

Oh I am so sorry I didnt mean to put you on the spot about your finances. Whenever you are ready to buy just email me at [email protected] and I can give you 50% off making it really cheap.

No I think that shouldn’t count as breaking NC b/c you technically have no control if you have to answer.

tory

October 28, 2013 at 12:28 pm

hi chris,

I have been off and on in a long distance relationship for over 3 years now. last year we had a really nasty break up that left me a bit scarred, when we got back together this year, he promised me he couldn’t put me through that again. Now a few months later he is telling me that getting back together was a mistake and there is no way we could ever be together. I reacted terribly and continued to message him daily non stop begging him to reconsider, to which he replied by blocking me in nearly every form of communication. I recognize how wrong it was for me to react so desperately but because I am in New Zealand and he is in New Hampshire I find it nearly impossible to do anything else. I love him more than anyone and am willing to do anything for him, but he made it clear to me that there is absolutely no way he will ever be with me. I don’t know what else to do. i know if i do NC that he won’t talk to me, because we’ve been through this all last year. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’ve ruined everything but there is nothing else I can do. I need your help!

x tory

admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:27 am

I still think you should do NC and also read the LDR post I put up a few months ago!

Confused

October 28, 2013 at 12:16 pm

My boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me yesterday due to the fact he cant handle it when we fight
I feel horrible.
He said he loves me so much and wants to be with me more than anything but felt like he had to do it cause he needs time.
I have just initiated the No Contact rule about 5 minutes ago but didnt tell him. I just plan to not reply.
He just sent me a massive text saying hes sorry for everything, and that i deserve so much better and that he wished hed met me when we were older so we couldve got married and that he feels lost. He said he hopes things will change for the better over the next few weeks and said we both need to realise what we want and need.
I know its hard to generalise something because everyone is different, but i do want to be with him and i am scared that he wont come back to me etc.
WHAT DO I DO NOW!? 🙁

em

October 29, 2013 at 5:52 am

i feel like a similar situation happened with me. i hope things work out for both of us!
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:25 am

NC five minutes ago WOW hahahaha.

Stay in NC and really keep the focus on you. What is your plan for evolving during that time?

Rachel

October 28, 2013 at 11:53 am

Hi,

So my ex left me because I was going to uni so he didn’t want to hold me back because he cant handle me going to clubs and he said things weren’t the same anymore because of arguing and he said we don’t work.

So we had a really bad argument in a club after we had broken up because he saw me dancing near other guys (not with just near). A month of pretty no contact later and he had a new girlfriend. We started talking again and he said how nice it was to talk to me again. He even visited me at uni and checked my phone. He said about 3 weeks ago now how he was really glad I was still in his life. But I drunk texted him so I’ve been in no contact since. They have been together about 3 months now. They seem to be getting on really well and mutual friends think that they are suited.

I really want to contact him after a month of no contact but I’m not sure if its too late now. They spend so much time together and he even said that she makes him happy when I a friend asked if he loved her. Plus I’m pretty sure he knows I still love him. Also my downfall was I was very insecure in the relationship (although I did have some reason) and she’s the opposite he has so much confidence in herself so he’s not gonna come back to me when he’s got her surely? I don’t want to make it obvious when I speak to him that I’m trying to get back together how should I start contact with him?

Please be honest if you think it’s too late

Thank-you

admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:24 am

I don’t think its too late.

when you contact him after NC do you have any texts planned?
Hannah

October 29, 2013 at 10:57 pm

Really? I thought my situtation was hopeless! haha

No I’m really worried I’ll just mess it up and look desperate, what would you suggest? Also I think I may have annoyed him by not inviting him to my party this week as I’ve invited all other friends should I invite him?

Thank-you 🙂
admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:13 am

Haha just don’t be desperate. If you have any thought of “wow, if someone did this to me I would be so turned off b/c they are desperate” don’t do it.

anya

October 28, 2013 at 3:41 am

What if the ex lives with you…? 🙁 im a mom of 3, me and my boyfriend recently moved in together.over the weekend we had a fight and he accused me of having feelings to my babies father which is complete nonsense. Argument followed by him breaking up with me. I wrote him a letter saying that I accept us not being together and that I wish him all the best. We agreed that in 2 months I will move out (finantial issues). I also work as manager in his store.i worked two days since breakup and handled it right.just couple days ago were talking about marriage. And now this. I am pretty good in logical thinking and controlling my emotions in front of him (I do cry to my pillow at night tho).what do I do.i feel hopeless. I love him and its not helping that my kids fell in love with him too.

admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:03 am

Hey, everyone needs a good cry. (even guys…)

Take a deep breath and just treat him very respectuflly. Think of him like a roommate or rather think of yourself as one of the most respectful roommates ever.

Alice

October 27, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Me and my ex had a really messy emotional breakup. I’ve been in no contact for almost 3 weeks now and it’s so so hard but I’ve stuck with it so far. My question is that before this period of NC we were in NC for two weeks when I had to reach out to him abt something of mine he still had at his apt. We texted alot abt the relationship and things In general. it was emotional on both our ends but positive in a lot of ways- he said sorry to me for some things and that he wanted to forgive me for my part in the breakup. A few hours later he texted me again telling me abt an event he was invited to because he was excitwd abt it. I thought we were in a place of less anger and I could go from there. But then 3 days later he texted me an angry message that made no sense and when I asked him what he was talking abt he didn’t answer. I texted a few more times and no response. What happened in 3 days that he went from being receptive to accusatory then unresponsive? I’m nervous NC will not work now after this weird reaction from him.

admin

October 29, 2013 at 1:53 am

Glad you stuck with NC!

I think it can still work stick with it! You are doing the right thing.
Alice

November 5, 2013 at 3:06 pm

NC period was over so I sent him an initial text. He responded with a picture of him and his friends new baby that he was visiting (had nothing to do with what I said to him whatsoever). I kept it short and ended the conversation but then his friend he was with texted me 3 minutes later saying it was so good to hear from me so I was friendly but tried to keep that convo short too. About 4 hours later my ex texted me “why did you message me earlier?” I responded and he told me about this event he went to that we used to go to together and that he took his mom with him instead. I felt like this was all the strangest interaction. What does all this mean? Was it just a catch up to let me know what he is up too but distant and uninterested?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:39 pm

The positive is that YOU are on his mind haha.

Ana

October 27, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Quick question: If your ex-boyfriend does not have the text feature on his phone, how would you initiate first speaking to him after the NC period? Call him up and have a small talk? Maybe bring up a nice memory and ask him how he’s been? Perhaps close the conversation and say you’ll call back in a couple days? I understand that you can’t really prepare what to say on a phone call… I was thinking of writing down a few pointers before doing so.

admin

October 27, 2013 at 11:07 pm

What phone doesn’t have texting?
Ana

October 28, 2013 at 2:51 pm

He lives across the state from me at the moment, in an area that receives little coverage. We’ve been calling each other rather than texting because many times the texts don’t send or get received due to the signal. So I was wondering how to approach him through a call, after the NC period.
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:39 am

Its very risky but as long as you call him and keep it short it could work BUT again more times than not it doesn’t.
Ana

October 29, 2013 at 3:47 am

Okay, I will keep all this in mind! (: Thank you. Two days into the NC rule and he’s already called me many times. I feel pretty good having some control and not answering, LOL.
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:38 am

Haha The POWER is awesome isn’t it?

Alejandra

October 27, 2013 at 3:07 pm

My ex broke up with me but he said he still wanted to be friends with me and keep seeing me. The thing is he doesnt pay much attention to me, I only wrote 2 messages to him in a 2 weeks period time and he was so cold, he showed no interested or said he was too busy, so I m not stalking him. We decided to meet last wednesday but the same day he told me he couldn t make it and was better to do it on friday. Thursday night he texted me to said he was so busy on friday either and too tired to go out at night, but he still wanted to see me, I became so angry and told him that I was busy all others days because I got an exam and I only couldn make it on friday at least for some hours on his lunch time even if it was quite complicated for me. He come up saying that it was better to meet after my exam. I told him: “Do want you want!, good bye” and he replied he was just finding a convenient time for both of us not just for him. I haven´t reply and I haven´t talk to him since that 3 days ago, I will go for and NC period. Do you think I m doing great? I have to talk to him to fix a new appoiment?

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:57 pm

I think you are doing great.

You are allowed to talk to him about that and break NC!

Roz

October 27, 2013 at 8:38 am

My situation is a little different.
My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me because ‘something changed’ in the last 3 weeks. He doesn’t know what has changed in him and neither do I. He says sorry, and that it’s not me (cliché!) He had started to act a little mean when out with friends but honestly besides this we had an amazing relationship.
I asked him if he thinks we’ll ever get back together and he said ‘for the moment no’.
Should I even bother with NC for a month? I know I won’t hear from him unless I message him. I have removed him, his family, friends from my Facebook.
And also, if I go ahead with NC he can still see when I am online on my chat app Whatsapp. Is this ok?
Kind regards,
Roz

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:43 pm

Yup I would still do the NC for a month. Yup it is ok with whatsapp too.
Roz

October 28, 2013 at 4:36 am

Thanks!

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