How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”

Becky

October 27, 2013 at 6:40 am

Hey Chris,

It’s almost 11 days since my ex boyfriend last texted me.

His last text message was:
“Fair enough. If you’re angry I get it. I don’t expect forgiveness or anything else…:) All I’m gonna say: I’m sorry, I did tell you twice to stop..(but i also had my reasons) anyway, i never wished or meant harm, i was following my gut on the matter. All the best for the future. Peace be with you, and i hope you find what you’re looking for. :)”

Do I just ignore him? How long should I leave him being ignored? However, I also am clueless on what to say now… 🙁 Helpppp!

How should I respond to him after almost 2 weeks?

Any advice would be much appreciated 🙂

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:38 pm

Yup ignore him.

Don’t respond to that message just start a new thread of messages.
Becky

October 28, 2013 at 5:36 pm

Would ignoring his last text messages make me an a-hole — as I would not be acknowledging his previous messages?

Is it true that men want what they can’t have?

How should I start off a new thread of text messages? Do I use the First Text(which is normally used after NC 30 days)?
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:46 am

Men want what they can’t have absolutely!

No, i would try something different. Just casual.
Rebecca

October 29, 2013 at 7:16 am

Any casual text ideas?

What if I follow up on the last text messages he texted me? Would be a bad idea?
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:45 am

Not horrible but I would only do it if it was worth following up on.

Joanna

October 27, 2013 at 4:08 am

Chris,

I’ve been with this man for two and a half years. We’ve broken up, briefly, about 10 times. I love him. This last time, though, he’s changed his numbers and rarely answers my e-mails. He will not meet me for a simple lunch. Should I implement the nc rule and for how long? Usually he demands to be waited on and adored. I am afraid he will become angrier and forget me. This has been really hard for me. He was totally demeaning in our last conversation. I’ve almost had to go to the hospital over this. I also have a strong intuition he is interested in someone else. This break-up feels different. Please advise and help.

Thanks, Joanna

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:21 pm

Do the NC rule for 30 days.

mj

October 26, 2013 at 3:05 pm

Hi C –

Out of 30/dy NC w/ex of 3 yrs. Texted a response to a text he sent me before NC and politely hoped his relative was doing ok. He responded with a “thank you” using our pet names.

btw: he is trying out a new relationship, of which he wasn’t sure. I had told him I didn’t want to be in contact with him while that was his situation. I was forcing his hand…and stopped all communication during his crazy period. He did contact a friend of mine and tell him he wanted to give the other relationship a chance and wanted to do what was best for him – yeah, I know he’s a narcissistic self-centered a-hole … but I really did like kissing him and underneath – there is a good person.

ok – so – now what?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Continue the process I guess hahaha.

Gisele

October 26, 2013 at 2:46 am

Hi Chris,
Quick question- I completed 30 days NC (yay! Made good progress in that time, too. Was already in good physical shape, but it gave me time for mental changes). Anyway, my first text got a favorable reply in 1 minute- he even referred to the good memory i brought up as “good times”. He asked how I’ve been and I waited a bit before saying i was well and had to get going Ttyl.
So now how long do i wait before i reach out again? i thought I’d try something different by sending him a joke in a text, as I often did while we dated. I figure that keeps it light for now as i want to take this process really slowly. Just not sure on timing and if a joke the way to go. Or should it be another happy memory text?
Thank you for the site!

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:52 pm

2-3 days.

Go really slow.

Open up very casually and see if you can make the conversation 10 threads deep.

Lisa

October 25, 2013 at 10:33 am

hey chris!
its the same lisa that we talked on the other pages about my asian ex bf and me losing weight etc, anyway he talked to me today via whatsapp ( like text) and we talked because apparently my mum messaged him just saying hi this is lisa’s mum call me if you want please and he asked me if everything was ok? and i said yeah and he asked if i was i was okay and said dont lie… i said no im fine, legit 🙂 and he said his fine just really busy with exams and crap and uni!
and he said he had to go back to study.. seemed like he wasn’t that interested since he had to go study rather talk to me… i guess im just confused? he cares about me.. he has told me before but seems like he still isnt interested 🙁

i was supposed to see him for his birthday but he said he isnt doing anything because of exams, but i told him to keep 22nd open my birthday and he said yeah of course! that means.. i have to wait another 4 weeks to see him.. do you think he’ll talk to me before then? he does have exams and uni 14,15,and 20th! and his birthday is 16th 🙁

ugh, im just so confused and miss him so much more now! want to keep talking but he said brb had to drive his sister…

what do i do? what do you think this means? in our convo it wasnt serious, we laughed a bit, i teased him with names but i think he still needs more time 🙁 but this convo was positive! help 🙁

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:21 pm

I think there is a decent chance he will talk to you again.

Yea, the convo seemed positive!
Lisa

October 26, 2013 at 6:11 pm

yeah he said he will talk when he is ready, it felt like he was forced because of my mum! but he will probably talk to me in about 2-3 weeks but im losing weight, looking better! hopefully when he sees me it will spark his interest or attention 🙂

but one question… because i lied about having cancer and my friend thinking he probably is still scarred and doesn’t trust you as much… and hasn’t forgiven you properly.. should i after my birthday ask to see him and write him a letter of apology and why it was a mistake to fake the illness because of my insecurities and bad childhood of trusting men..? even though he will say “why is this still dragging on” I’ll simply say.. no its to clear the air, to be friends we need a fresh start? or should i not do the whole apology thing? i really think it will help… and make it clear to him just clearing it out in the open since we didnt really talk about it and he said before how he understands why i did it.. but deep down still angry!

what do you think???
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Yes, he is clearly angry a bit. I think an apology is good but I wouldn’t do it until after NC if you are doing it. The letter idea isn’t a great idea that usually never ends well.
Lisa

October 28, 2013 at 3:59 am

even if it is after the NC rule??! it just goes a long something like this –

“I want to start off by saying this letter you are about to read is no where near dragging anything on, I promise you my only intention is to clear the air for us to be great friends and start fresh! I don’t want you to take this the wrong way and if you don’t feel comfortable reading this then by all means stop right now. But this is not going to be easy to type… I just want you to know in order for us to be friends we have to start new, we cannot carry our “baggage” on our shoulders and be friends, otherwise we will find a way to argue and not get a long. I do not want that as I have come to realization of my mistakes that I have contributed to this relationship we had. I hope you actually take time to read this and please be honest on what you think, be open, communicate, again do not get annoyed this is not to bring back drama it is simply to have a clean slate and finally mature and take my actions as part of the problem I have caused within us. Haha don’t laugh and say to yourself why am I reading this nonsense but I really hope you take the time to think about what I am saying and maybe forgive me one day… maybe learn to see how I am finally realizing, I know its too late but its better late than never.”

just a sample in the opening bit then it drags on to why I’m sorry etc.

Naudia

October 25, 2013 at 8:44 am

Chris,

Your articles are amazing. They’ve helped me through. Pretty rough time in my life. Here’s my story- I dated my now ex boyfriend for 3 years. The entire relationship was steady and went just fine. But a couple months ago we decided to break it off. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I still care for him and since we share the same group of friends, things are extra hard for us. We’re both practically MIA from everyone. They do tell me that he misses me and blah blah blah. He’s a great guy, but in order for me to move on I blocked him on fb after the breakup. It’s almost been my 90 days of the NC rule. I know he misses me, so what do I do now? I don’t want to feel like this forever.

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Well, I think it may be time to reach out to him!
Naudia

October 28, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Why am I so hesitant? I’m so afraid of rejection and I just don’t want to be the one to reach out to him first. I dont have courage, one day I’ll tell myself that I’ll get over it, the next I’m missing him. I sound pretty ridiculous.
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:29 am

Well, face your fears I always say. Just accept that rejection could happen but it won;t be the end of the world.

Stephanie

October 25, 2013 at 5:01 am

Hi Chris,

I like the concepts in your article. It really rang true for me. I first found your website a month ago during a break up. I have been a no contact fan in the past, but reading more no contact articles during a no contact period kinda has a reinforcement mindset for me.

I think you are quite correct in this theory applied to leave them wanting more. Currently I work with a man that only works weekends. The attraction is very strong. Lots of eye contact, genuine smile, innocent touching on my shoulder, slipping into conversation his good qualities. The fact that I only see him 2 days out of the week keeps me guessing. In turn, I forgot all about my break up.

Why don’t you write articles outside of exes and break ups? Recently I have kept coming back to your site because of your insights into attraction. As a woman I always have the narrow view point post break up. I get wrapped up into my current emotions and not wanting to lose everything I invested into a guy. But as time goes on, I realize that the attraction was dead a long time ago. Then I start to realize all the men who had attraction towards me all along.

Also, I was wondering your view point about admiring a guy? A lot of time leading up to a break up and after the relationship women never try to admire their man. Would a little admiration go far after breaking no contact? I am quite interested in how admiration and attraction go hand and hand for a man. And the best way to implement it into being chased and keeping a man wanting more.

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:10 pm

I think admiring about a man should only come when he is in a position to be admried. What I mean by that is that you don’t want to inflate his ego before you get him back.

tina

October 25, 2013 at 4:37 am

Hey Chris,
so I initiated contact with the ex after 3 months of NC and it worked he replied. He asked me how I was doing and if I had a bf. I playfully said I’ve been on dates but nothing yet as I have been focusing on other things. What gives? Our tone was great friendly and playful. So is he concerned as a friend or is he looking to see if he still has a chance?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:06 pm

I don’t think it is either. I think he is just natrually curious!

Kira

October 25, 2013 at 12:48 am

So me and my ex have been conversating lately. We talk on the phone from time to time and text each other. My problem is that I feel weird when I haven’t heard from him, it’s like I was getting use to talking again on the regular basis. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much too soon or what. I hadn’t heard from him and I texted him Hey, no response at all so what does that mean? should I give him a like space and wait for him to contact me again?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:02 pm

Well, I usually recommend NC for 30 days. Have you done that?
Kira

October 26, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Yes and that was recently completed.

phrita

October 24, 2013 at 5:05 pm

About a month of blowing him off, then was honest with him and told him he was the love of my life, he rejected me. Then told him I couldn’t see him, it’s too painful. Now he calls and texts about stuff that doesn’t matter and he just poked me on facebook. Should I poke him back?

admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Are you done with NC?

loary

October 24, 2013 at 3:29 pm

i did this no contact for more than 30 days… and then i started contacting him…. but still it doesn’t work… we were chatting and mailing for more than 3 weeks and now he is refusing me once again and yesterday he asked me not to talk to him again.. i am confused what to do. please help me.

admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Sorry to hear that.

Why did he say that to you? Did you do anything?
loary

October 24, 2013 at 10:25 pm

he thinks that this wont work and he says itz not good to do this as he believes that this wont work. sometimes in clueless manner he blames me and ignores me. i am soo woriied and he is the only person i want in my life. please help me to get over this confusion
admin

October 26, 2013 at 1:04 am

You have stopped contacting him at this point correct?

anonymous

October 24, 2013 at 6:11 am

Hi chris!

Thank you so much for this insightful article! I’m still in NC with my ex. Been ard 26days. He has not been in touch with me but he does comments on my facebook status and occasionally “likes” my photos and comments. Why would he do that anyway? I know facebook is all for fun. But he only started to make his “presence” known in my facebook during the past few days.

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:57 pm

He is keeping an eye on you and that is a really good sign.

It means NC is starting to work its magic.
anonymous

October 25, 2013 at 4:34 am

I’m seriously thinking of getting your online book! The guides/articles are by far the most helpful i have come across on the net! But my budget’s rather tight really, i dont think i can afford it 🙁 do you update the guides you out up here, on this website, the same time as your ebook? Also is there any other way i can contact you for advice? By email perhaps? Or do you usually reply quicker through comments made here?
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:04 pm

Hi There,

Email me at [email protected] and I can give you a discount.

San

October 24, 2013 at 5:27 am

Hi Chris,

Done with 30day NC, but don’t know how to reestablish contact because I’m not sure if he’s already dating or is in a relationship with someone else.. Do you have any advice? 🙁

Thanks!

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:56 pm

What text are you going to send him?

Sarah

October 24, 2013 at 2:32 am

Hey Chris,

I just tuned in recently (broke up over the past weekend), and I wanted to thank you for your articles; they’ve given me a lot of strength over the past couple of days. Not sure if I’m going to try to pursue my ex after NC, as he’s got a lot of issues regarding his previous (live-in, won’t leave!) ex, and I think his request for space was a good one (even if his request to remain friends might have been a tad bit too much for me right now). It’s just nice to be reminded that I can get back the confidence I had before the split, and that I can use it how I want, regardless.

Thanks!

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Of course you can get back the confidence. Heck, I even think you can grow EVEN MORE confident.

Ella

October 23, 2013 at 4:06 pm

Hey Chris I love your site! 🙂
anyways I was wondering what I should be texting my ex about in these “quality” texts?
Ive successfully completed 30 days of no contact and now whenever I text him I make sure I follow the 1:1 ratio and I dont send any over-emotional texts.. but the responses I get from him are always very short and vague, like he doesnt want to talk to me. I think hes just responding to be polite. hmm what should I do?

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:24 pm

1:1 ratio is a very very smart idea. It makes you seem less desperate and puts you on equal terms.

When you see those short responses it means he isn’t as engaged (or simply busy.) To combat that you can just end the conversations prematurely and text him at a later date.

Quality texts are any type of text that will get your ex feeling good about talking to you, making him laugh, etc.

Jane

October 23, 2013 at 12:20 pm

Hi Chris, your site is just amazing. Just the other day my ex boyfriend’s friend called me to check on me and he told me that my ex has been telling them that he would never take me back and that it was completely over between us. I was devastated to hear this. I still miss my ex even after contacting him after I was through with my NC and he lashed out at me for texting him. Chris my ex is seeing this other chick and I have been talking to some of my guy friends who know about our breakup and ALL of them keep telling me that when a man leaves, he leaves for good. That there is no coming back in men. They tell me to just move on and forget about him, that he can/will never come back, at times I just find myself crying when I hear this statement. After our breakup he dated this perfect chick for 5months and still broke it off and came back to begging me return to him, I didn’t get back to him. This gives me some hope that he may just come back again, but my hopes still shatter because of my guy friends’ remarks and the fact that my ex is now seeing this new chick. Chris do you think that this time round he will come back for real? Another thing too, before my NC he agreed to meeting me after much begging and we had sex in a hotel room, then the next day he sent me this horrible text to never contact him again. Do you think it was the sex that put him off, did he find me too easy going for him? Was I supposed to refuse being intimate with him? Can sex of that kind push a man away? You men are so hard to understand. Chris help me out here.

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:20 pm

…… man your ex is a weird dude. Begs you for sex and then wants nothing to do with you?

Maybe hes feeling guilty?

Yup, you weren’t supposed to have sex with him. At this point I think the NC rule is your best bet.

Tania

October 23, 2013 at 10:00 am

Oh! New article. I think this is really an interesting one for when you start with the texting part. Which would leave me like jelly when I start it.
Also I’m still being a good girl with NC. It’s hard sometimes and others not that much. Kind of weird how feelings work 🙂
And I knew you would get your date, haha. I hope it was worth the chasing 😉

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:11 pm

Yup a new article! Though I like to call them guides because articles for some reason seem so weak.

Glad you are still in NC! Glader that you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing.

I was deathly sick yesterday when I wrote this so I actually thought I could have done better. What did you think?
Tania

October 24, 2013 at 7:32 am

Oh, now is that time when everyone gets sick. I’m not at my best either and that affects my mood. Usually I’m really cheerful but when I’m ill I kind of can’t all the time. Lol

Well, I just hope NC works for us. It’s really difficult sometimes to do not text him even a simple hello. never been very emotional type of girl, but still it’s hard 🙂

I think the guide (not article ;)) was good. Though what I sometimes miss in them is more examples on how to do one of the texts, you know, like in the text gnat examples. I think people is really visual and putting some as like, how to do it, would help more. At least that is what I think.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:04 pm

Yea, being sick really sucks. Crazy b/c I never get sick but the stomach bug got me.

I will be sure to include more texting visual examples. Thanks for the feedback. It just makes me better at creating contetn for you all!

Nicole

October 23, 2013 at 1:52 am

Also mention that if things change maybe we can catch up or try again. I hope what he said he meant it 🙁 patience is hard when I always like answers and can’t control the situations. I been trying to distract myself but it’s hard enough for that. I know in my heart and gut he isn’t the type to go looking for other girls. He’s shy awkward and not that outgoing. He could be playing video games for all I know. You know the process of guys that you posted on how they thought of the whole 30 day Nc is that how it really goes? Even thou he said he doesn’t love me like he use to? Cuz I think his mind is jut on him and school and full time work :/
Nicole

October 23, 2013 at 1:49 am

Well I have posted my story on another page but I think the no contact rule is the hardest and proud of myself that I actually am doing it. I would be the one always texting him and talking to him and he knew I liked to and that why it all hurts inside. We were dating for 3 years and well he told me he wanted “space” and time to figure his life out. And wanted to be left alone and said he isn’t gonna set a date to see me right now he just needs this cuz we been fighting. Not even bad fights cuz we are in a LDR but I am moving there 2 months for school he doesn’t know that yet. This page seems to make me think that it could work again. He knew I was the type to always answer back and such..I can change my ways and it an possibly work again? I’m just scared that he won’t ever talk to me before I move there and even after the 30 day NC idk if I could text him if he’s the one who wants space and have his freedom to live It up as he posted. I’m his first everything as he is mine. Idk if I asked him to move in scared him…could that be? And I can possibly change my texting ways too. I’m 24 and he’s 22.

admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:37 pm

Hey Nicole,

Sorry for the late response. I have been sick all day. I was sick while I was even writing this article which is why I am worried about the quality of it :/
Nicole

October 25, 2013 at 12:16 am

So Idk if hell ever come back..im seriously thinking hes trying to get over me and so by that he wont talk to me. I been having hopes and all but the thing is not sure what he told me personally was all true or that he just wanted to be single cuz then why go and delete my whole family cuz he thinks they are gonna say something to him when they wouldnt..idk if ill ever change his mind or this would. This is all not adding up right to me. I dont think i did anything wrong to ever hurt him i just gave him love this whole time and never doubted his abilities when he did to me..not sure what happened and whats going on in his head..hes 22, has depression and hates medicine for it, plus an introvert that likes to be by himself and also a taurus.. (not sure if that has anythign to do with it) Im trying to keep myself busy but ppl tell me i should just wait and see if he comes to me or when i go over there i should talk to him to get closure..idk what to do everyone is telling me different stuff and its just so hard to think. Personally his space from each other is prob true cuz he does need to get his life in order, he needs to move out and find a better job..idk if me not being there made him get so angry at me sometimes..its not making sense and i need some help on what to do 🙁
admin

October 26, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Do me a favor. Just tell me what you are concerned about mostly. Give me something specific you need help on.
Nicole

October 30, 2013 at 2:51 pm

I can just say I am doing great to his text wen though he would have texte me two weeks ago from that? So I shouldn’t mention I been busy?
Nicole

October 31, 2013 at 12:13 am

Well I meant, even though he texted me two weeks ago when I text him at my orientation, I should say like sorry I been busy or just say that I’m doing great and ask how he’s doing?
Understand it now? Lol I mean wouldn’t it be weird to just reply I been great? I mean wouldn’t he think since I haven’t answered his text that I like hate him or something and he would just forgot me?
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:21 pm

You are doing great and ask how hes doing.

sorry about the mix up.
Nicole

November 4, 2013 at 4:43 am

So I need to ask a guys view on this if this is good. SO I’m going on a cruise in two weeks and well me and my sister (her bf broke up with her too) we were gonna look all nice in our bathing suits (were already tan and skinny lol) we were gonna take pics of us on them and possibly just with random hot guys we find and post them on insta for our exs to see. Is this a good idea?? Lol would they be all jealous in a way. Don’t worry just posing in a photo and were gonna go out this weekend too 🙂 I know he’ll look on insta so you think since my ex hasn’t seen me in over a month since I’m away he might want to see me and talk to me??
Nicole

November 21, 2013 at 8:02 pm

So should I not reply to his email then and just keep doing the NC again and wait till he says something later in a few weeks ???
Nicole

December 22, 2013 at 12:52 am

So it’s been about two months and one month since I last talked to him and when he sent me that email that you said wasnt a good one. Exams and school is over so I’m not sure if I should reach out hen I move there in a few weeks. You said I should wait for him to say anything towards me. Since he said he has to do his own thing and doesn’t want a relationship right now cuz he has to do some other important things but it sucks cuz I wish I could talk to him but since he wants space and I haven’t even been on Facebook anymore so he doesn’t know what I been up to and well I see Instagram he likes other girls photos and it just sucks cuz idk if he misses me by now. I want to talk and meet up with him and he knows Ill be back there. But remember that first message he said maybe in a couple months well catch up or try again? But then this last one said it wouldn’t be healthy to jump in after two months. SO that means he lied to me about waning that? I’m confused and I miss him everyday. It not like I’m sitting at home doing nothing I’m doing stuff but it still hurts cuz I thought he hated not talking to me. So I just want to know if he ever did love me or miss me 🙁
Nicole

December 5, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I know it’s been awhile but why you think the email wasn’t a positive one?
Nicole

December 3, 2013 at 1:50 pm

That does make sense. I think he liked it and wanted it but didn’t appreciate me enough to make me see it. I feel the whole time it was all about him and everything was always my fault. But I actually recently started talking to someone else and I feel that my ex was an ass and always will be and didn’t treat me right. It may seem bad I’m starting to like someone else but my ex has constantly hurt me for a whole year almost every couple of days on the phone that my heart didn’t feel as much pain of this break up then it should have. It felt broken more back on New Years when he first broke up with me. But I feel as though I don’t need him back. He’s changed this past year into a bad person and treating me horribly. That I more miss the old him. But I honestly don’t think the old him will return. This new makes me feel so much happier about myself and that my ex is just an odd character on certain things he will say or do. I feel as thou I think me talking other guy some how my ex will try and talk to me again by some point and I honestly don’t think I would want to.
Nicole

December 2, 2013 at 12:13 am

I actually am starting to rethink things a lot. There is nothing wrong with me. He needs to change to actually having someone appreciate him for who he is and all. Wouldn’t all guys want to feel loved???
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:55 pm

I do.. thats what I want over everything else BUT I want to feel loved by the person I choose if that makes any sense.
Nicole

November 30, 2013 at 9:17 pm

i dont think him talking to me was in a positive way, but idk just seems hes happier being alone then with me and says we cant happen right now cuz he has bigger things to worry about..idk just seems it was all a lie to me. He didnt really love me or even like who I was. he wanted me to change myself. Why would you date someoen for 3 years and want them to change? Just cuz i was more loving then he was and would text him and send him messages throughtout the day and he called me clingy and smothering him..it doesnt make sense. wouldnt all guys want to feel loved? and i would never change who I am for anyone. Thats why i feel he never did love me at all if he wants me to change..
admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:21 pm

In the end the smartest thing you can do is find someone who loves you for you. If that is not the case here, if he wanted you to change into something you are not.. then you may need to rethink things a bit.
Nicole

November 29, 2013 at 12:00 am

I never replied to him since he sent me that last one. So why didn’t you think it was a positive one?
Nicole

November 28, 2013 at 12:14 am

The email I sent to you is what he said to me and I didn’t reply to it.
Nicole

November 26, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Why don’t you think that email was positive? What you get from it?
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Well he responded to it right?
Nicole

November 24, 2013 at 6:29 am

My friends tell me maybe he is sorry he’s hurting me and like he’s trying to keep me in the back burner. But if he doesn’t want a relationship why stop after 3 years? He could seriously figured out about himself while we were together cuz I did! We didn’t even live close either. It’s like he gave up cuz it was just too much work or something. Idk it just sucks 🙁 I don’t deserve to just be hurt like this cuz it’s his own fault he doesn’t know what he wants in life. Like does he know he hurt someone else in the process cuz I had no idea :'(
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Or maybe he doesn’t want to hurt you again?
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Yup… don’t respond for a while.. that was not a positive email in my opinion.
Nicole

November 10, 2013 at 11:39 am

Since you said it’s a good sign cuz he cares what’s best I should do now? Leave him space till the end of the school year in dec or should I wrote him a letter and drop it off next week or should I say I have his stuff with me and see if he will talk to me?
Nicole

November 12, 2013 at 5:20 pm

So what is there to do then? Wait and see if he contacts me again? And I wasn’t gonna write a letter to declare my feelings just for me to be able to tell him without him wanting to see and talk cuz he doesn’t want to right now.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:20 pm

I think wait and see if he contacts you again first before anything.
Nicole

November 10, 2013 at 11:36 pm

So is it a good idea if I write out like a letter to him and see if maybe he wants to meet up when Im in town so i can hand him his stuff too? It makes it too hard to have it in my room.
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:03 pm

I am not a fan of that idea. I prefer text messages.
Nicole

November 10, 2013 at 11:30 pm

Yeah I mean i already did the whole month no contact thing and so well I havent talked to him since that talk on the phone and maybe he needed a few days to cool down or something. was thinking to try and see if he would want to talk when im in town over there. He said he likes his space though as it is, so idk if hell ever not want it anymore. But then he starts being upset about it so idk what he wants. Some say to wait till dec when school is done but idk whats the best thing to do with this.
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Well he sounds like he himself doesn’t know what he wants either.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Give him some space but it doesn’t have to be that much space. Maybe just 15 days or something.
admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Sure they would hahah heck I am already jealous your going on a cruise.
Nicole

November 9, 2013 at 7:03 pm

Didn’t mean to send the comments twice lol 🙂
But if the guy was the one who broke up with you but he was still upset cuz hearing my voice made him feel emotional does that mean even though it’s been a month he won’t be over me cuz it hurts h just as much as me? Do guys cry when their sad and I know I wasn’t the one crying but I’m still sad..
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:20 am

I do and other guys do to (cry I mean.)
Nicole

November 8, 2013 at 10:12 pm

And when I did text him after the phone call asking about his stuff and just saying I understand all this and respect his space he was all Nicole stop. It was a civil conversation I will block your number if you don’t stop cuz I just want my space and I’m like well don’t need to be a jerk about it but I understand and well talk when the time is ready..I must have really gotten to him. You think? Like sad wise.? So he pulled the threat thing if I kept talking.
Nicole

November 8, 2013 at 9:09 pm

So you think he will talk to me again sometime when he is ready? I read your latest post about how to talk to your ex. I wasnt emotional towards him I was really calm and he was the emotional one like the whole time and really crying towards me like he actually doesnt want this to happen but it had to happen for now. So is that a good sign when a guy cries?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:03 am

In your situation I don’t think its bad.
Nicole

November 8, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Really?? So just give him his space then. So from your view, like he did get upset as was crying is that in a way a good sign towards me? He said cuz he is hearing my voice which makes him feel emotional.
admin

November 9, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Sure it means he cares!
Nicole

November 8, 2013 at 4:17 am

Update! So he ended up texting me today asking can I help you Nicole? At first I remember on Halloween I texted his sister in law happy bday and she asked how I was and all and about me and him and I told her how we broke up and she’s like omg I am so sorry your going through this. Then I told her I’m going there for school but idk about places yet and she said she would help me out cuz her mom works for apartment complexes well just know good ones. So I think she might have said something to him about me. Well anyways I asked abut what and he’s like my sister in law is not hooking us back up you know why this happened. I’m like actually idk the real reason and also I never told her to ask you anything about us. I’m like is it cuz were tryin to get our shit together cuz I am. Then he’s like but your not. So I got pissed cuz I am. I’m focusing on myself, getting a new job, going to school and moving. So I told him don’t text me this and be an adult and talk to me on the phone. At first he didn’t answer then he called and said he didn’t pick up first cuz he was volunteering. So anyways the short story of it all he was crying on the phone saying he didn’t want to get emotional towards me cuz he’s crying cuz he is hearing my voice. He pretty much said he likes his space right now and doesn’t want a gf cuz he’s trying to pass his classes and get another job and voluneer. He said I get so stress cuz I want him to visit and asked about the cruise and he just couldn’t take it. I told him he could have came here and talked to me in person how he felt cuz I would have understood and he goes fine it’s my fault then and hangs up. Of course I call back cuz I’m like look, I just want to talk calmly on everything. So he told me that a year ago when I got my own place it scared him I came so dependent on him. So that’s why he was scared to move in with me. So then I’m like I know I messed up I see that now I didn’t take care of myself. I told him that I have changed and that I realized what I did and I’m doing stuff for myself and if chances with us happened I wouldn’t do that again. He said his heart hurts everyday and that he does love me. I asked him what he meant by catching up again and trying it he said that he thinks that after we get our stuff together that it could happen again. The whole time I hear him sniffling and he said he is getting emotional hearing my voice. But this whole time I’m not even crying! Anyways I think this is a good closure thing in a way cuz now I know it’s not another girl, it’s just we been fighting from bing away too long and he has so much stuff to work on. He said that he proud of me for going back here and going to school again. I told him I’m proud he is going far as well. I even mentioned I was gonna be in town next week and he said he doesn’t know if he can see me cuz he doesn’t want to seem emotional towards me. He told me he is so sorry for all the mean stuff he said to me and wish he could take it back. Is that a good sign when a guy cries? Like honestly I seen him cry twice. When his grandma died and when I moved away. And I told you he doesn’t show his emotions all that well. I was thinking to even try and give him his stuff back when I’m there cuz even afterwards he told me he doesn’t want to talk he wants his space and he likes his space for now. And like he told me he didn’t want to talk about it. I was thinking maybe to try and see him to do that and talk? Or what. I mean he cried and it makes me feel that I’m not the only one hurting. He knows he needs to worry about himself now but I have a feeling when I come back he’ll talk to me again. What do you think?
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:43 pm

I think he will talk to you again too.
Nicole

November 4, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Haha well wish we had one spot open! Lol but he said he’s been on cruises before and didn’t really like them. HE was gonna come with me to this one cuz I never been on one and wanted to go cuz I was going but all that changed and I found a friend to go with me. So idk if the cruise part will make him jealous but maybe me in a bikini could?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:02 pm

I think BOTH will 🙂
Nicole

October 31, 2013 at 11:33 pm

That’s okay I probably confused you lol some of my friends say I shouldn’t even say anything unless he texts me something else. Is that the case? I mean he really didn’t even ask me a question just said hope everything is going well with you.
Nicole

November 3, 2013 at 6:01 pm

Well it seems like idk if he cares or not I mean do guys hang with friends or other girls at work to take their mind off of it? I mean I sent you another comment how I said actually I did get in and he said congrats and that was it..I wish I knew more on what to do.
Nicole

December 5, 2013 at 7:49 pm

I just want to knoww what would be the next approach in this.
Nicole

November 4, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Awe don’t feel bad it’s alright! Take your time I’m in no rush 😉 I will just ask simple questions more haha maybe that can help ya?
admin

November 4, 2013 at 4:47 pm

I wish I could spend more time on your situation but I am so backed up its ridiculous. I feel like I am letting you down 🙁
Nicole

November 4, 2013 at 1:57 am

So what’s the next step on I should do? Was it bad that I told him I actually got accepted?
admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:31 pm

I don’t think so at all.
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:20 pm

I agree with your friends at this point.
Nicole

November 3, 2013 at 6:25 am

So I went and texted him saying actually I did get in and he said congrats and that was it. But my friend told me that lately he’s been going out with these 4 girls from work all the time now and they are younger than him like 17-18 and now I’m thinking that’s all he wanted to do. They work at publix when he works like once a month but one of the girls that goes is one I never liked and well guess he never cared about my feelings cuz she hangs with him still but she’s like not a threat cuz she’s all young and. A Muslim but still and now I feel like what he told me about figuring out his own life was a lie and that he just wanted to go out with all those girls just him and not have me tell him that’s not right to. Like he has no guy friends for some reason. He’s like the gay friend in the group but still now I feel like all hope is lost and he just lied to me..what do I do now?
Nicole

November 2, 2013 at 8:38 pm

So are you saying he’s a little upset from me that I didn’t tell him? So then what should I do now? Wait till he says something else or what. Cuz I thought it was kind of mean he just assumes cuz I didn’t text him about it. Is that a good thing for me or what?
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:22 pm

He could be upset. I wish I was a mind reader so I could tell you hahaha.

Wait till he says something else for a while seems like the best strategy forward.
Nicole

November 2, 2013 at 2:27 am

News update!! He sent me a text tonight saying so I take it you didn’t get into the program. (Cuz today was suppose to be the day I would have found I got in or not but little does he know it already found out weeks ago) I mean that is kind of rude to say a negative question. He could have been like I hope you got in! Or something like that. So now what do I do? I’m kind of mad he still thinks since I didn’t text him I got in he figures I didn’t. I mean he acts like he does care more than he has before really.
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:53 pm

Seems a little upset but the fact that he is reaching out to you means he is interested in some form or another from hearing from you.
Nicole

November 1, 2013 at 6:32 pm

So that means I still should wait until he says something else to me?
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:17 pm

Pretty much.
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:50 pm

Huh? hahaa that made no sense to me at all.
Nicole

October 29, 2013 at 2:19 am

So even though it would be two weeks since he texted me (unless he texts me again some time) should I mention that I been busy or just go I am just great! Doing my orientation for school today! Does that sound decent? I mean idk if he’ll even think to say anything like meet up I’m just scared of a response or something but you said he texted me and that’s a good sign. He did twitter awhile ago on why does his heart hurt so much..but shouldn’t he know why??
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:35 am

I am just great. I like that option the best!
Nicole

October 28, 2013 at 4:51 am

Yay so what else should I do now? Still wait after 30 days. So thinking when I’m over there I can tell him I’m doing great and doing orientation for school. (He’ll know it’s where he lives too) good idea???
Nicole

October 31, 2013 at 12:14 am

Also when I am over there having this confidence around me idk if he’ll ask even to meet up or anything. But I shouldn’t ask him too right?
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Not at this point.
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:05 am

Yes it is! Just be really confident and happy when you are over there. Almost like you have this aura of happiness surrounding you.
Nicole

October 31, 2013 at 11:00 am

But wouldn’t you think if someone really loved you they would talk to you by now after a month? I know he texted me but is that a good chance even thou he said hope all is well for you????
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:53 pm

You would think but don’t you think if someone really loved you they would not do all the crazy stuff to you? People are just crazy when it comes to love.
Nicole

November 1, 2013 at 3:26 am

Then does that mean he didn’t actually love me from me bein far away that it was harder than he thought and just when we saw each other it was easy and well doesn’t explain why he would talk to me so mean for ;( I read that when someone puts someone else down they are either insecure,jealous or unhappy with themselves. I never put him down ever. Even on his tough days I was always there and I let him know that.
Nicole

October 31, 2013 at 11:31 pm

So what you trying to say about it then? Lol I know ppl do crazy things but does that tell me anything?
Nicole

October 27, 2013 at 10:08 pm

Btw and I think since he isn’t happy with himself and how things are he thought It was me but really it’s not he’s insecure with himself is any of this true?
Nicole

October 27, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Also since he did only send me that message saying hope all is well for you nicole. It’s not really a question to answer to but like I don’t want him to think I’m over it or that I don’t want to talk to him just that I’m still hurt and like he has to work harder. Idk what to do next and well I did post a photo of my sisters cat and he knows she lives where he does but I did not tell him I’m here. He might wonder why I never said I was in town and text me again? I know you said that when they text you they are thinking of you but I hope since it’s not 30 NC and once I do pass that is might tell him how happy I am that I finished orientation for school in two weeks. Is this a good plan? And him texting me is a good sign??
admin

October 29, 2013 at 1:43 am

Seems like a decent enough plan to me!
Nicole

October 27, 2013 at 12:38 am

So I have some news is that he did text me today saying Hope is all well for you Nicole. I didn’t answer cuz it hasn’t been a month yet. So him saying that is a good sign?!!!
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:11 pm

I think it is a good sign absolutely!
Nicole

October 25, 2013 at 12:22 am

not hates medicine i meant *have.
Nicole

October 23, 2013 at 9:50 pm

That is alright I hope you feel better! dont mean to write alot but its just all bothering me, adn i hear the no contact thing you shouldnt do cuz you lose that connection and then i hear that you should and let them come to you, so idk what to do cuz i dont want to make him think i moved on adn forgot about him (even though he prob wont think that since he has so much going on now) its just really hard 🙁
Nicole

October 30, 2013 at 6:32 pm

How slowly then should I approach things? Like what do you mean by that?
admin

October 30, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Don’t rush once something good happens. Stay calm cool and collected and take thing slowly like be conservative for a while.
Nicole

October 31, 2013 at 12:17 am

Okay not sure what will happen but I do know he has school all day when I’m over there so idk if he’ll even ask where I’m going for school or even want to see me again. I will act all happy and such it’s hard now cuz I don’t want him to like think i hate him I just feel all hurt still. This is such hard work to do by not responding to his text cuz I don’t want him to forget about me 🙁
admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:34 pm

Write as much as you want!

I wish I could be more in-depth with my responses I just end up feeling overwhelmed b/c there are like 500 other people asking questions so I give these breif tidbits.

I guarantee you that he won’t think that but even if he does is that such a bad thing?
Nicole

October 25, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Since he is an introvert and well I’m his first everything and if I’m that special to him is there a good chance he will come back when he sees that I’m not in his life right now? I mean I give it time to him figure out everything but I know he doesn’t open to ppl easily he’s like shy to himself and always likes his space. So in your opinion you think there is hope?
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:30 pm

I think there is you just need to approach things very very slowly.
Nicole

October 25, 2013 at 2:15 pm

If I am that special to him wouldn’t you think after two weeks he’ll come back? Idk I feel he doesn’t want to talk to me so he can just get over me and forget about me 🙁 like he has a lot on his plate and since he is an introvert he’s use to being alone and not talking to many ppl but I don’t want him to idk be talking to other girls but he’s too shy for that. When he told me he needs his space I think that it’s true. You think when he said maybe well meet up or try again is really true? I know him more than anyone else and he likes his space..but don’t they get lonely after awhile?? Not sure how long introverts like their space for 🙁
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Introverts like their space but they don’t like too much space.

If that makes any sense hahaha.
Nicole

October 25, 2013 at 12:23 am

Just maybe then I wasnt special enough to keep around but why do this for 3 years and tell me everything that you never told anyone before and i was the easiest person to ever talk to..I was the only one who ever understood him.
Nicole

October 24, 2013 at 7:56 pm

So why isn’t it a big issue? What would be?
Nicole

October 24, 2013 at 7:54 pm

So do you think there’s hope for him to come back? And ppl tell me I should wait for him cuz of what he did to me. It came out of no where 🙁 since he needs space and all. Idk when he figures his stuff out you can’t really rush that. If I’m in town is that a good idea too? Well thanks for saying that in special. Plus I’m even his first and I never done anything bad to him to ever hurt him and I know ppl have fights but hope he looks past that..you think there’s hope for him to come back after he has his “space” and I’m more of an extrovert but I bring that side of him out around me. Only person he’s ever opened up with.
admin

October 26, 2013 at 12:50 am

I do!

But hope doesn’t necessarily mean success. I don’t want you to get led on here.
Nicole

October 24, 2013 at 2:58 am

Well yeah its a bad thing cuz i do want him back. Iknow that if we get that chance again we would have to start all over and see if those feelings come back. I just feel like i should just wait for him to make the first text or move. he has done and said some mean stuff to me out of the blue, like he didnt believe i was gonna get in this program, and in the meantime im just workign and hes all busy with work and school he thinks im not being productive, he doesnt like i still work at publix cuz hes gone from it but he hates his job though. Also when he called me that day of the break up he told me he deleted my faimly off facebook so they wouldnt go and message him (which they woudlnt) and if i go and bombard him with messages and calls he was gonna delete and block me..like i didnt even do anything wrong?? i called him up cuz i wanted to know why out of the blue all of this is happening if he was just here last month and that he came and drove this way..it doesnt make sense to me at all..even telling me he doesnt love me like he use to,,well if you didnt love someone you wouldnt have made the effort and drove over here to see me..idk what to think i just want to know why all of the sudden this is happening. never would i thought he would. I trusted him with my heart and we both opened up to each otehr about everything and every secret all the time. im the only person he has ever gotten close with amd since hes in introvert they dont just tell everyone stuff they pick a special person. so i think he will come back..im the closest thing he has ever had. you think?????
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:49 pm

I can be introverted at times (and extroverted) but if I am being completely honest I am more introvert than extrovert and I can vouch for the fact that anyone we date has to be really special.
Nicole

October 24, 2013 at 1:19 am

idk im asking you! Are those steps in what guys are thinking when you do the no contact rule true? I havent heard from him at all. Been in the no contact thing for 2 weeks now. I know you say be patient and I am just I ever wonder if hell ever reach out again towards me. We have done alot of good things together being each others first and all and I never thought he would have done this guess he feels overwhelmed with everything so now he wants to do his own thing? Its just out of the blue and not sure what triggered all this..
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Even if he doesn’t YOU reach out to him. Whether or not he contacts you really shouldn’t be the biggest issue….

abby

October 23, 2013 at 12:53 am

hey, chris.. this really help. 🙂 im still in NC n im looking for a temporary job to make money so i can buy your E-book. I like this site!

admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Your welcome Abby.

Contact me here: [email protected] and I will give you a 50% discount on the E-Book. There is no reason why you should struggle to get that book.

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