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Sarah
July 10, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Hi. My boyfriend if a year broke up with me. I’m his first ever girlfriend. He is now 24 years old. I am 27. He says I didn’t do anything wrong blah blah and he just doesn’t want a girlfriend. He wanted to remain friends. Since breaking up 2 months ago, we text every day and he tells me he loves me every day. He calls me pet names and sees me alone a lot. He asked me to take a week off work so we could have the week off together. We did. He buys me little gifts. We have remained physical in and out of public. However, he is only physical (kisses, handholding) infront of select friends. I have just told him tonight that I need some time from him because he is still not interested in getting back together. I have initiated no contact. Did I do the right thing?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 8:02 am
Hi Sarah,
yes..
Athena
July 8, 2016 at 8:11 am
I never Regret that I meet my boyfriend I gave Up everything liker my school and my family get mad at me we live in one house for the 8 months and I worked first then he worked to korea with his dad and I allow him cause im not selfish so he go to korea last feb 3,2016 and to take care his dad and he said he love me we will go there in korea and stay and he will be back in july 30 and he help me but we are LDR so at first I taught it was easy we talk 24/7 then last week he said the fall out of loved I was shock and depressed and beg him to stay we talk but not like the usual he said he wants me to change I know my ego is big but I know idid my best for him what can I do to win him back please help me Godbless.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 8, 2016 at 4:23 pm
Hi Athena,
do you want to try what Chris advised?
a sky full of stars
July 2, 2016 at 7:25 pm
I was the one who broke up with her because I felt like I didn’t love her enough..( we are both girls)…after two weeks she moved on..getting a boyfriend.. Telling me she never really wanted to be with a girl in the first place..although everything between us was perfect..the love the intimacy.. Yes we had been drifting apart a bit but I guess that was just temporary… Anyway so after she got a guy,almost immediately.. I was very devastated and wanted her back ..it hurt so so much …she and her new bf were mostly dating online (so I guess it was just a rebound ).but no matter how much I begged her she wouldn’t come back..yet there were lots of indications which showed she still loved me and cared for me..so I followed ur guide and now I am on d 4th day of no contact.she has reached out to me during all these days almost begging me to atleast text her back…what should my next step be?how long do I carry on nc?( we had been dating for a year)
a sky full of stars
July 5, 2016 at 4:31 am
Hey thanks…but I am worried that what if she just is happy enough to be my friend after I end no contact..(during the reattraction phase)?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 5, 2016 at 6:15 am
that’s what you need to avoid by contnuing to be interesting by continuing to improve yourself and being productive even after nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi A Sky Full of stars,
yes, continue on in nc, and then improve yourself as well
Sadness
June 3, 2016 at 5:33 pm
Would this really work if my ex never really chased me to begin with? we broke up because he didn’t think he could love me and felt that his feelings should match mine after over a year of dating. I did NC for 7 weeks and texted him and saw him for coffee for less than an hour, but he’s been uninitiative and I feel like her has no interest or care. What should I do? I’m inclined to just ask him straight how he’s felt these past couple months.
Elle
June 19, 2016 at 2:21 pm
I don’t really have many friends so it’s been difficult. All my close friends are in another city and I’m very shy. I have been doing some other hobbies on my own. I unfriended him on fb so he can only see my life through snapchat which I can see he checks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 4:56 pm
I think we need to start on your mindset first, you said you convinced youself that he won’t contact you. Why not think of it in a way, that you should give him a reason for him to want to contact you.. and also, you have to ask yourself, do you want this or not? Nothing can help if you think you’re ready to move on..
Elle
June 4, 2016 at 1:30 pm
The texting period was mainly me initiating. Very hard to keep the convo going. Our coffee meetup had some lulls too but I don’t foresee him initiating any talks with me and my gut instinct thinks he believes the breakup was the right thing to do even if he still likes me (when we broke up be made it clear that he did but it wouldn’t be fair for either of us to have diff levels of feeling). I want to just ask him how he’s felt so far with the no contact. What do you suggest?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 11:07 am
Hi Elle,
Oh it looks there wasn’t really an attraction built enough before you met.. During the nc did you start to improve yourself, to go out with friends, to meet new people and be active in posting it and did you continue doing it after nc?
Luisa
June 2, 2016 at 4:34 pm
Hi,
so my boyfriend of three years and I broke up a little less over seven months ago, however during “our time apart” we kept hooking up and basically everytime we saw each other it was like we had never broken up. During this past months he started talking to this other girl, but he would constantly tell me that it didn’t feel the same way, she was much more complicated, and it didn’t feel as natural, and that some of her traits just annoyed him. A few weeks ago, like three, he told me that he wanted to try to be with her, and that us hooking up wasn’t helping either one of us, because we weren’t working on getting back together nor we were letting us go; I agreed because it was true, and it had actually been my idea that we’d stop doing that. I understood that a sort of no contact period was about to start, however he kept talking to me, telling me again about how he was a little annoyed with this girl, talking about his family problems and stuff. We saw eachother a week or so ago, and he was a great time, we had lunch, then went to the park and then to his house, things got weird, because he was very very flirty, but overall it was a great day.
A few days later, we were planning on seeing each other again, but he wrote to me that he wanted some space and thought it was best if we didn’t see each other for a while. I say it was ok, and then again prepared myself for a no contact period. But the next day he wrote to me about Game of Thrones, and did so again the following day. He had like a short conversation and then he left me on seen, only to answer the next day. Then yesterday he sent me a funny picture, but I didn’t answer because now I’m starting a no contact period.
I’m just really confused about what should I do after that.. I’ver read the articles.. but yeah, I just need your opinion.
Thank you so much, and you have a great page here.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 6:32 am
Hi Luisa,
you should focus on improving yourself once you start no contact because that’s the most important aspect of it and yes the being there strategy should be after no contact
Mia
May 9, 2016 at 6:47 pm
Hey!
We broke up with my boyfriend over a month ago. He said he started to feel distressed and needed space. He actually suggested us to get some distance for a while and not a break up but I said having a pause usually leads nowhere so we decided to break up. Of course, since that I have felt it was a mistake. We never fought and we were good together. Everything was easy and there was no stupid drama. The problem was, we were together too much. He haven’t really learned how to speak so he didn’t tell me early enough that we should see each other less. It would have not been a problem for me because I have a lot of other friends to see, and nice hobbies also.
I have already seen him two times during this month because we have so many common friends. It means no contact rule is kind of impossible for me if I want to have any kind of social life. I have tried to speak him as little as possible, though I don’t want to seem rude or broken, so I have not been able to ignore him. Have this completely messed up no contact? Or should I still take some distance?
I really want him back because being with him was easy and he really makes me laugh. Last time we saw was this weekend because there was a birthday party we both had to attend. Surprisingly, he was the one who came sitting next to me in my friend’s apartment and also in a bar. He asked how I was and what I have been up to and I asked the same questions. After that I tried not to talk about anything really personal.
I would really love some advice of how I should behave now. Should I skip going to parties with common friends? How can I make him to chase me? It is okay for me to be just friends with him if getting him back won’t work but I don’t want to give up without trying.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 4:11 am
Hi Mia,
if you really want him to miss you, you have to stop talking to him and keep your distance.. when you’re in parties, mingle with other friends, don’t be alone or go later than usual so, that you won’t have to spend much time around him.. do new things too and meet new friends.
Depressed
May 3, 2016 at 5:43 am
Hi,
I had an issue with my ex. We broke up because he told me that he prefers to be alone than in a relationship. This is not the 1st time we had a breakup but this is the unsalvagable.
I initiate a breakup before but he pull me back however a week later he told me he wanted a breakup simply because he has no feeling for me and he prefers to be alone than in a relationship.
He propsed befor but he told me he no longer think of having a future with me
No matter how i beg he wont budge and insist with the breakup at last I told him that i will give him 3 months to lead the kind of singlehood life he wants and i will not contact him at all and end of 90 days let me know if he really prefer singlehood life. (This was communicated before i chance upon ur book)
I would want to know if NC still applies bcuz its stated to NC for 30days but i have promise not to contact him for 90 days?
If NC does not, can you please advice or help me what are the other ways that i can get him back?
Its has been 2 weeks since i last had the conversation of giving him 90 days to lead the kind of life he wants and wil,l not disturb him. I have also since deleted him from fb and any social media.
Today 03 May he text me in the morning stating weather was bad and ask me to take care which i have not responded.
I do not know what i should do
P.S: he is a trainer, a highly positive guy who teaches 7 habits of highly effective people and he never regrets what he do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 11:22 am
Hi Depressed,
there’s not such thing as a person who never regrets somethings.. that’s good that you didn’t reply.. since you said 90 days, stick to it.. Stick to your word and then be busy yourself in this 90 days.. he probably expects you wait for him break it.. him texting you is actually a sign that he’s having second thoughts because he’s not sticking to not contacting you.. so, improve yourself, you only got 3 months, make the most out of it.
Celeste
April 10, 2016 at 10:29 am
Hello, yesterday was my birthday and I desperately needs your advice…
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months (We celebrated every precious months!) At the beginning of our relationship, my friends warned me about his infamous dating history. Then, 2 of his ex-girl friends also shown up and told me about their terrible memories with him. They had a crush on him, he let them in, took care for them, slept with them a few times, then suddenly broke up and forgot everything. Both relationship only last 2-3 months. When he ask me for official dating, I didn’t know that he was still somehow “unfinished” with the latest girl. However, I decided to trust him and believed that I was his true love, that I was different.
After that, everything was beyond amazing. We did everything together, we overcame hardship together (mostly his), we introduced each other to our families (as Asian, this somehow indicates a very serious and long term relationship). He did so much for me, took care of me like I was his princess. In return, I also became everything he needed, supported him with everything I know and I can. Afterwards, he got almost everything, money, career, wide relationship. I always stood in under the stage and let him shine.
Recently, I got in a big bank loans for my father sake, and had to work terribly hard to get the money. We both were busy like crazy and stress. I still tried to come over his place at night to cook and clean things up, but his class ended really late so I couldn’t stay to see him (he is an 2D artist lecturer). Basically we don’t see each other much during week days, but still dated at weekends. However, he became cold, shorter text, care less about me, no more surprise presents. We talked about our difficulties several times, and he seemed to be fine, realized his lack of caring and promised to notice me more. Then, he started going out with groups which had many girls.
One day he went out with friends and didn’t even contact me whole day. I was very angry and tired of his recent attitude, so I text him and asked for a break up. I didn’t agree or disagree clearly, and just said he felt so unbalanced. When I called him, he started to criticizing me. He sad he loved me but the feeling stopped because I was so after the money and work, so busy that he didn’t see me as much, and I was always tired and doomed. There were other reasons, but most of them were so selfish and didn’t make any sense. I cried a lot and hang up. After that I sent him a long message saying thank you, remind him to take care and asked a friend to deliver him his birthday present that I bought in advance (maybe first mistake). I was so hurt and hopeless. He didn’t confirm the break up and ignored me the whole day, didn’t even care if I could have kill myself (he knew me very well).
Days later I asked him out for a proper answer (second mistake?), I was difficult because he didn’t want to face me, but he came. He didn’t even dare to look at my face and didn’t talk much. Seemed like he tried to compensate me by buying me gifts, hold my hand, and ask me to hug him. I was caring and optimistic at that time to make he feel better. Before be said goodbye, he admitted that he met a new girl (one of his students), and shift ALL of his feelings for her. At late night, he text me and said that “It was right to meet you today”, “I think I am making a mistake”, “I know I’m making a mistake but I can’t stop it”, “it’s torturing me now” and all I said was remind him to take care and wish him all the best. I was hurt and thinking of suicide a couple times for days. He seemed regret it, so I kept my hope for a get back soon, willing to forgive everything. Yesterday was my birthday, I woke up early in the morning and text him to remind him about his birthday today (Yes, our birthday is consecutive, third mistake maybe, but it was our birthday so I was really confused). The conversation was ok but not great, we seemed to still worry for each other, and he still has little feeling for me. Then suddenly he stopped and kept silence upto now. I haven’t said any “happy birthday” to him yet.
So what bother me the most is:
– Did he truly love me, or just played with me and used me as a tool???
– Is this (loses interest in his girlfriend after a while) is nature or just a temporary status?
– Does it sound like I can get him back now? I understand our problems now and I really want him back…
– He’s having feelings for other girls, so if I apply the “no contact rule”, will I lose him to her for good?
I pampered he so well and we were very compatible in sex, so I thought I’m still somewhere in his mind. What should I do now? I’m so desperate now and I really need your help.
Many thanks and wish you all the best!
Celeste
April 15, 2016 at 12:57 am
Amor, please help me…
Yesterday I found out that he is now officially dating the new girl, after the break up just 2 weeks!!! I talked to him and he just say “my feelings for you just stopped and can’t be more”, “It’s over”, “It’s my fault”… My heart shattered into pieces… I want him back, but I know he isn’t worth it anymore… Now I have no motivation to continue this life… Is there any way that I can completely forget him????
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 1:45 am
It’s a process. There’s no shortcut.. You really have to take your time and your pace on moving on.. It’s the same process with nc.. YOu need to focus on yourself and accept the fact that he’s not a good choice for you now and that someday there will be.. But before that happens you have to be emotionally prepared so, you won’t end up being needy in the relationship.
Celeste
April 11, 2016 at 4:43 pm
Thank you Amor. Your response means a lot to me 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 8:46 am
You’re welcome!
Celeste
April 11, 2016 at 1:44 pm
Thank you for your answer, my appreciation 🙂
During the relationship, he treated me totally different to the girls before (I did a “research”) and seemed to bring us to marriage someday. He used to ask me about our future, and if I wanted to marry him now or not (just 1 month before the break up, but back then I said not yet, and I extremely regret now). As I know, he still have my photo as his lock screen and our photo in the home screen of his phone. He hasn’t changed the relationship status on Facebook, and hasn’t announced his family about the news. On that late night he also texted me “I feel like only you and me can make it to happiness”…
So all of that makes me keep my hope… Since recently I in a bad mood and usually make him tired and stress like me, what if that’s just his temporary feeling for that girl? I believe that girl may never take care of him as good as I do, and he is the type who loves being taken care of. I’ll work on myself, what he complaint about me was somehow correct. After 1 month, can I take him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 2:53 pm
You can but let him prove he’s worthy for you
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 4:37 am
Hi Celeste,
Is he treating you now the way he treated the girl before you? I think he did loved you but it looks like it’s not to the point that he sees you as his life companion because he’s still in his “dating” view-if it doesn’t work out, he just moves on to the next girl. And it sounds like you don’t have the same confidence as him to do that. Well, of course because you love him and you’re willing to work things out but now you are the chaser and it looks like he likes to be chasee in the relationship, so whenever it doesn’t work he’ll just simply move to the next. Be strong. Let’s say you don’t do no contact, do you think his relationship with the new girl will not progress especially that they see each other always? So, for me, whether you do no contact or not he will continue to see her. Take the better choice of choosing yourself and healing and gaining emotional independence instead of begging for him back. Work on yourself first. So, you will have time to think. Try to initiate contact after 30 days but make sure that you focused on yourself in that 30 days before you try to contact him.
jennifer
March 26, 2016 at 9:14 am
I have a question on the cliff hanger theory.
My ex and me barely have texting conversations. The time period between my texts and his texts (and vise versa) are at least 20 minutes, sometimes even 5 hours. I am aware that this is probably due to the fact that it is only a week after the NC and I have to be patient. But even before I used the NC (yes, I am one of those who still had contact with their ex and went NC after 3 months) I had to wait a long time before I got an answer.
So how am supposed to make a cliff hanger? The only way I can think of is by answering the next day, thus my time span would be pretty long. Is there another way?
By the way, I also thought about getting my ex to chase me by doing the things I used to. After all he was chasing me for almost one year. But I didn’t know how to do it because he used to contact me all the time without me doing anything and now things have changed. But after reading this article, I might change my plan a bit. Thank you 😉
jennifer
April 3, 2016 at 9:01 am
Thank you, I’ll wait for your answer 🙂
I’d like to update you on my situation:
So, we broke up 4 months ago and 2 weeks ago I ended NC. His answers are neutral and oftentimes good. I tried the tide theory but I matched it to our circumstance: I didn’t always wrote him every other day. It is like: 2 days texting, 1 day nothing, 4 days writing, 2 days nothing and so on. At first I loved how it turned out but the last two conversations did not went as “perfect” as the others but it was still great (I was more invested in the conversation than him so I ended it. But his answers were still neutral/good). We slowly get or connection again. There is no way that we are ready to meet up in person now but here is the thing:
We are both in a paramedic aid organisation. This means we meet up every wednesday and sometimes go to service together. Like yesterday. My ex, his onlce and aunt (they are the leader of our organisation. I’ve known them before I received the information that my ex and them are related. We understand each other really good, so a big family plus for me 😉 ), some others and me were together from 7pm till 4 am.
We were a good team, helped lots of people (yes, I am proud of us) and had some laugh together. One time my ex and me were the only ones in the room. There was a calm and relaxed atmosphere, he was on his laptop, I was reading, and we even said one or two words. One of the others, who knows about how I feel, even asked me since when my ex and me are getting along so well again. But I belive that it wasn’t “so well”. We behaved as if we were only some good acquaintance. I know we won’t jump from NC to best friends, but his behaviour made me a bit anxious. I’m asking myself “What if he went on? He seems like he is okay with me just being there and does not really care about me anymore” Yes, I noticed him looking at me pretty often and once he obviously tried to make me jealous. But I don’t know if this is the truth or I am just “blinded and see what I want to see due to my wish that he still likes me and cares about us”.
His aunt also told me that he might get accepted in the federal agency. I am so proud and happy for him because I know it had always been his dream to go there. But he’ll have to move far away. For me, I could handle a long distance relationship. But he thinks that it is not a good idea. He tried it once with another women and it failed. We had this talk before he went to university because we were about to get together and his current university is 2 hours away (but in the end we still became a couple. So maybe it IS possible for him)
So is there a high chance that my fear of him having moved on is true?
And again, thank you so much for your support and your articles 🙂 I can’t wait to get the book
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 1:36 pm
I haven’t talked to Chris, but I think we only have credit card as option.. If that’s what he thinks, stay friends until he’s in federal agency so he there’s a chance he thinks it can work
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 11:16 am
HI Jennifer,
I’m sorrry for the late reply I’ll check on Chris if there are any other way than credit card. You can try to reply the next day with the cliffhanger text and do what you used to do. I hope everything goes well 🙂
Sally
March 13, 2016 at 12:40 pm
Hey Chris,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years who I lived with the last year. Around 3 weeks ago I found out he has been cheating on me when I was not around so I dumped him. He has not tried calling and contacting me ever since. I really miss him and want him back in my life could you please help me in how to get him back. P.S at the moment we are far distance
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 14, 2016 at 10:14 am
Hi Sally,
it’s not that I’m being judgmental..But we want the best for you.. Do you just miss him but he didn’t change but even so you want to try if he will change?
Lauren
March 11, 2016 at 12:52 am
Hi Amor,
Things have been real well in my relationship. There was the chase and everything, and I liked the affection he showered. But recently, things were becoming quieter than usual. I wanted to ask if there’s something wrong with him but felt that it was too direct. I decided to pull back a bit by not getting too close to him. I even avoided asking about the change of his chase. I just pulled back by not communicating him for 1-2 days. I felt that he might felt too relaxed and I felt that too. How do i make him chase again? If there’s a need for me to do no contact, how many days do I have to do?
Thanks, Amor. I love your website and I’m ardent fan of it!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 1:48 am
Hi Lauren!,
Chris and the team are doing the best to maintain, so we thank you for loving it!
After pulling back for 2 days, how dod he react? Basically you have to keep the variety.. like what you did yo keep the chase and keep bringing value by maintaining yourself and having your own life
Louise
February 18, 2016 at 12:16 am
Should I delete or block him on instagram during NC? I always look at what he posts and likes… Also we still do need a little contact as he has some things he was going to return to me (he said he wanted to) and we attend the same social events so I can’t avoid him entirely.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 1:03 pm
Hi Louise,
you don’t need to do that but if it helps with nc, just block him so you don’t have to add him later again
Missing Him in MS
February 4, 2016 at 11:36 pm
My ex broke up with me three weeks ago after four years together. He said he wasn’t happy with me anymore because I was clingy and needy and jealous. As we broke up he said this was the hardest thing he’s ever done and that he thought we’d wind up back together. But he hasn’t even talked to me in two weeks. Most of my things are in the house we own together. He hasn’t even said anything about my coming to get things other than to take my time. What do I do?
Missing Him in MS
February 9, 2016 at 5:53 pm
No. I mean this one. It’s all very personal and I don’t think he’ll ever come back, so I want to get the process of moving on going.
Missing Him in MS
February 8, 2016 at 4:07 pm
Is it possible to delete comments from the wall?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 8:23 am
You mean Facebook wall?
Missing Him in MS
February 7, 2016 at 2:52 pm
I broke NC 🙁 I told him that I noticed a distinct change in him after his ex girlfriend passed away, and tried to tell him I thought he was having difficulty with depression. He started yelling at me. He made it very clear last night that there was no way we’d be getting back together and this morning when I went to apologize for my drunkenness, he had thrown away all of the things associated with us. All of it. He said he doesn’t want to be around anyone who knows about his life. He doesn’t even want to be with his family, and his family is everything to him. He just wanted me to leave and it doesn’t sound like he wants anything to with me ever again. I let myself into the house this morning while he was in the shower and left so he could let me in and feel free to ask me to leave. He’d had a post-it note that said: “is she in love? Did she ruin it?” It was really hard to see. And now I don’t know if we’ll ever get back together because this is not the person I dated for 4 years.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 6:26 pm
well, right now, you have to keep your distance or you’ll hurt your chances more…
Missing Him in MS
February 5, 2016 at 4:51 pm
I haven’t gone to get things unless he’s out of the house. I haven’t called or texted and neither has he. All that’s been done was a profile check yesterday, but he can see that I saw it. He said he was lonely.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 11:11 am
Then it’s better if you finish NC, and make this proactive. Make it worth it. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 10:36 am
Hi,
Do you plan on getting your things, if you really need them you can get them, that’s an exception in NC rule, just as long as you don’t alk about the relationship and your feelings. are you in nc now or you reached out to him in the past two weeks but he dodn’t reply?
SAE
January 29, 2016 at 4:58 am
Hey Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me recently yet we have remained in contact since, so I didnt really get a chance to do the whole no contact thing. We are long distance and I know him well enough to know that he partly broke up with me because i did not chase him enough among other reasons. Because of the situation (and i know you are against it) i’m going to see him. I am usually not a sucker for this kind of shit, but, well it’s happening. When I see him tomorrow what the hell do I do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2016 at 1:47 pm
Hi SAE
He broke up with yu because you didn’t chase him enough? And now, are chasing him enough to keep contacting you?
Shai
December 30, 2015 at 4:18 am
Hi Chris! I am not sure how to get him to start initiating conversations with me. He responds positively and quickly whenever I text him, but never initiates conversation. How can I get him to start initiating conversations?
Chris Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 11:08 pm
Typically you want to end conversations first but more importantly you want to end at the high point. If this happens enough his interest will rise and he is more likely to start initiating conversations with you.
Jasmin
December 24, 2015 at 9:35 am
Hi Chris! I was texting him like crazy! Now he’s says he hates me. This is our third time trying in 8yrs will it work the no contact rule still?
Kira
December 14, 2015 at 4:26 am
Hi Chris
Need insite on something me and my ex are intimate here and there yesterday he slept over I picked him up he was touchy feely not in a sexual way but rubbing the shoulders playing in my hair he stood the night we slept in usually he gets up early And makes an excuse to get back home but we slept in he was calling me bae in the car while we conversatevthen he tells me listen I’m gonna call u every time I think of you I was like ok but he said he didn’t mean it in a bad way but then it’s like he texts asks me a question then he stops any suggestions I text him a goodnight wish u was here type of thing no reply
Ariel
December 5, 2015 at 1:14 am
Hi Chris,
Thank you so much for creating this site, your articles have been a tremendous help to me. Right now I’m at the stage where I’m trying to get my guy to chase me again. I was the one who ended things, went NC for 30 days during which he never tried to contact me but I believe that was because of his stubborn nature.
I contacted him after day 30 and got positive responses. I did what you advised and gradually increased the amount of texts I allowed myself to send him each day. Some days he even initiated contact. On Day 10 I think it was (we each sent about 10 texts) we were having a good conversation and started talking about one of our favorite TV shows. I felt like we had reached a point in our conversation where things were getting interesting so I decided to cut it short in an attempt to leave him wanting more (the “cliffhanger” effect you discuss in this article) by not replying to his last text. I didn’t text him at all the next day — I was kind of hoping he’d text me first but he didn’t — so I texted him the day after with a funny meme (we always send each other memes). He never replied, although I know he saw it because there was a “seen” timestamp. And I doubt he was too busy because I saw him posting on Facebook and commenting on our mutual friends’ posts throughout the day. I tried again the next day with a simple “Hey, how’s it going” and got decent responses but they were short and he was the one who stopped responding first this time. This was a couple days ago and I haven’t tried texting again because I don’t want to become a gnat.
Why is he acting distant all of a sudden? Is it possible he was annoyed that I ended our previous conversation prematurely and never texted him the next day? What should I have done differently?
Sophie
November 29, 2015 at 3:16 pm
Hi Chris,
I’ve been the text gnat and everything that could have gone wrong went completely wrong. How do I get out of that? My ex hates me right now.
Chris Seiter
December 2, 2015 at 12:46 am
Go into no contact for 30-45 days.
Kim
November 28, 2015 at 1:26 am
Hi Chris,
Not only have I read through your ex boyfriend recovery PDF book twice, but I have used the abundance of information on your website to figure out how to get my ex back. We were dating for 10 months.I cheated on him 2 months prior, just made out with another guy and started getting to third base with him for a few seconds before i got disgusted with myself. I told this other guy never to contact me again & he’s been out of my life for 2 months since it occurred. However, my boyfriend at the time started saying things like he wanted to be with me forever, talked about marriage and starting a family.I finally admitted it to my boyfriend and he was livid. He broke up with me saying he didn’t want to ever get back.
It was then that I started to do everything I should have- I cried, begged, was just a mess.
I then initiated the NC contract rule since we broke up. It has been difficult but much just your book said, around day 10 he contacted me. He sent me about 15 text messages still very angry at me calling me terrible, awful names and still extremely resentful with me. I still did not respond.
I have done a lot of searching and reading through the numerous articles around your website and I read one article that said if you had cheated, wait 15 days to text him and tell him where you stand. However, I did this right when we broke up so i’m pretty sure he knows where I stand. I said I would always be there for him if he needs me and always willing to make things work. I am thinking of a grand gesture- asking him if moving down to our old college town where he still lives for a month to slowly earn his trust back. Do you think this is a wise idea?
I love him so much. After 15 days should I send him this text or wait until after 30 days? Should I wait longer than 30days? I live with the guilt of what I have done everyday and while I have been going to the gym every single day after we broke up, I still can’t help but to think about him all the time. It’s killing me. Another problem is that the 30 days come close to when he’s going back to Iran. We use to speak on Viber when he was out of the country so should I send him a first contact message after the 30days there since his text messages will not be working?
Thank you so much for all the information you have provided on this website. Are you able to provide personal help for a fee at all? I would be really interested because getting him back would mean the world to me.