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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
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Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Taryn
April 8, 2014 at 8:12 am
Hi Chris!
So after waiting a week from my last text, which got a neutral response, I sent Ryan a simple text. Which he responded to again neutrally. Haha I’m staying strong though. I can see where I might have been able to do better :]
My text to him was:
“Just caught myself thinking and you popped in my head :]”
He wrote back a half hour later:
“What about?”
I waited a bit. And this is where I feel I could have done better. I wrote back and said:
“About the times I would draw for you. I randomly came across some sketches I drew, a while back, today while I was drawing”
Haha which was true. That happened. I feel like I could have been simpler since he was neutral. Maybe I could have said “Your eyes :]” eww… that’s corny. Lol. I won’t dwell on what was said.
Hehe that’s what happened today. He’s still neutral with me. Has his guard up still, yet he’s interested, somewhat, in what I have to say. Which is good.
I’ll try again in a week or two. Not quite sure what to say to him next. Ha he’s responding to me, But not engaging.
I still feel confident, actually. Hmm… I wonderful what I can say to him next time. Do you have any suggestions?
Slow and steady wins the race!
admin
April 8, 2014 at 6:14 pm
Slow and steady Taryn slow and steady.
Still trying to figure out why he broke up with you? I mean, your name is Taryn. It’s so cool.
I am glad he is responding to you. Sure, he has his guard up but don’t worry. If you play your cards right itll slowly come down.
Taryn
April 8, 2014 at 9:53 pm
Thank you!! I definitely can be slow and steady. I don’t want to rush.
He broke up with me because he’s a butt. Lol. No haha. He has told me I deserve better. He was in the Marines for most of our relationship and had time for me at first, But then he got really busy. We used to talk every day. He is out now and doing school and is even more busy because of that and work. He’s in California and I’m in Buffalo, NY. When he broke up he said he needed to separate and achieve his goals. Which he does have. But he came out here to see me for Christmas and was all ready to make a new step in our relationship. Even talked about the future. Like kids and stuff. He brought it up haha. Not me. But then when he had to go back to Cali he said he was sad because he wouldn’t see me. Then a month later (after he was so distant and ignored me a lot) he broke up with me and said he was deleting my number. Told me I would find someone new and said bye. He definitely did not delete my number though haha.
But that’s all in the past :] I’m so over that!!! Now It’s time for me to be calm and cool. Be ungettable. Have fun. Text my baby in 2 weeks and keep on going.
His guard will drop in time. I remember when we first met he was closed off at first. So was I. But then we opened up to each other. We will again :]
woop woop!!
Haha thanks for the comment about my name 😀
Elle
April 7, 2014 at 7:55 am
Hi, my ex boyfriend and I broke it off last year after being together for four years…I ended it, reasoning family issues. My family wasn’t really supportive of teenage romantic relationships, which we were (a teenager) when we had our relationship.
After this breakup, he still tried to contact me, he chased me, wanting to get back together. Though I was hurting I was miles away from him that time and I was busy with work, I felt like I’ve set a remarkable distance between us and I got cold.
Even upon returning home, he’d still try to talk to me, patch things up…but being away changed lots of things about me, I tried pushing him away this time not because I wanted to, but because I was afraid I might hurt him again just like what I did when we broke up.
I carried on like this, him texting me once in a while, and ringing my phone but the timing wasnt always right, so we we’rent able to speak to each other….until I saw him at the mall with someone else. I didnt know what happened to me, I just broke down and begged him to come back. He was reluctant with texting, but he did expressed how much of a I made out of him and that he is already used to living without me…and I wont make any excuses, I know what my faults are, and I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart. I was an ass. But he said he’s forgiven me anyway and that he’s willing to try it again with me.
After this conversation, nothing followed, until one day he called me and confronted me that he still loves me and if I wanted him back…it would have ended good but he kept going against it, he kept saying what if i hurt him again or what if I just disapper like thin air. Of course I didnt know how to respond to that, I just told him that maybe he is right and that we just need time to be comfortable being in a relationship where we dont get to hide and we are free. I thought ended up on the right foot. We evens aw each other after that, made a short catching up.
After this conversation, he was already hard to come by. No texts, no replies, and even if there were replies, it’d be short and cold. I go crazy most of the time saying i dont want to talk to him anymore or we should stop trying, but he’d end up stopping me, either saying he just needs time, or he promises to text me and reply. yet still, nothing changes, no efforts whatsoever. It kept going on for 2 weeks. Until I just said enough. and he didnt text me anymore.
I am currently applying the NC rule, do you think it’ll still work? I hope it’s not yet too late. Sometimes it takes a hard hit on the head to make you realize what you’ve been missing. And I just realized that I need him.
admin
April 7, 2014 at 5:17 pm
I think you still can make it work. Good luck!
Taryn
April 1, 2014 at 4:50 pm
Hi Chris!
I sent my first contact text on Sunday :]]
I’ll skip to the end and say that I believe his response was neutral. However, it gave me a good feeling because all this time I thought He had deleted my number. And it seems as though get didn’t :]
I started off by sending the “I have a confession to make…” text. And He responded install to that lol. With
“Ok”
I waited an hour and sent my first contact text. To Which responded again instantly with
“So what’s your confession?”
I thought out loud. Whatttttt!? That text WAS my confession. Lol. So I stayed calm. If He wasn’t interested in what I had to say, He wouldn’t have responded so quick or at all. So I texted back to calmly and coolly explain to him that my confession was my previous text. My confession was that whenever I walk past Friday’s (Which is where we went for lunch once here in Buffalo ) that I think of him. Friday’s is connected to the mall I work in. I walk by there every day.
So He wrote me back apologizing for not getting it the first time and said
“O I’m sorry”
I wrote back to end the conversation because his responses seemed neutral and I said
“Haha It’s Okay.”
stayed calm. Soooo now I wait. About a week and I will follow your suggestions from your e-book about what to send if his response is anything but positive :]
Honestly, I love the fact that Ryan (That’s his name. Id rather not call him my ex Hehe) was interested in hearing what I had to say. I was surprised. I really didn’t know if he’d respond at all. And that makes me happy and fills my heart with joy.
Getting Ryan back will take a lot of time. He is a realist. A logical thinker. So I have to be as well. He is capable of giving me a positive response. So I will try again! Yay!!!
I will get him to chase me!! Woop Woop.
Thank you for this article and the others as well. I’m just gonna go on about my business till next week when I text again
😀
<3 Taryn
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:11 pm
Looking good Taryn.
You have my favorite name on this site. Seriously hahaha.
Taryn
April 2, 2014 at 6:13 pm
Haha thank you Chris!
maria
March 26, 2014 at 4:08 am
I had done nc for a about a week after we broke up. And he came back looking for me. But then i gave him time again to think and he said he had no feelings to me but just missing me. When i saw him, he was like trying to avoid talking to me, look at me but he buys me food, trying to send to bus station. And he said he wanna make me and him okey. But i was too pushy. He said he has moved on as he now talks much in class, wear beautiful clothes.one day, i talk to him about past,about chances. He said it was too late. Now he does not pick up my calls or text me. He got angry when i talk about chances or relationship. He said he is trying to let me go. But at the same time he said he has moved on. Its been 4 days since nc. He has not initiate contact. Do u think nc will be working? Seems to late coz it has been 3 months after we broke up. 🙁
admin
March 26, 2014 at 5:38 pm
It is still so early so yes it can be working.
K
March 23, 2014 at 10:03 pm
Hi chris thanks for all your tips I have the book but I’m really finding it hard to keep his interest. He responds positively every time we talk but then he just stops talking. I’ve tried the ‘ill text you later’ and just stopping myself but the just stopping doesn’t bait him out and I feel I’m turning into a gnat. I was the last to text tonight and he’s just left me hanging. He asked a question and I replied with an ‘in joke’ and I was working up to the little good memory text from your book before moving onto the texting every day but this is the second time he’s just stopped before I get the chance to do it! How can I get him to chase me. And Im feeling like giving up cause I can’t start the texting AGAIN it’ll be the third time in a row after HE’S ended it by not responding. And he was responding SO quickly to every other text tonight. What should I do?
admin
March 24, 2014 at 5:50 pm
Give me some examples of your conversation so I can get a better idea.
K
March 24, 2014 at 6:44 pm
15 texts then this
Me : Hmmm ok then…Haha well I was wanting to try it cause I didn’t get much last time. You not like corona anymore? Ah fair enough was this one better then? Can I text you back in a bit sorry just going to pop out x
Him : Nah I still do yeah it was but I am going to try a few more im just probably going to tidying the flat now you up to much later? Yeah sure x
Me 4 hours later : Hey sorry just got back in. Umm not much tonight now. Aw your flat all clean now? Haha remember the lime incident? You stealing the knife from the restaurant! My gym membership runs out this month actually. X
Him straight away: Nope but it’s getting there haha yes no shame! Ah you been going? You gonna renew?x
Me half an hour later : Haha it was very impressive but I was a bit suss that you’d done it before…I was sure we were going to get in trouble! Umm Im not sure yet. I’ve been trying to as much as I can at least once a week but I was really busy till recently. You not got a gold hover to do the cleaning yet? Haha. X
But then he didnt reply. It’s the second time he’s done this…
admin
March 25, 2014 at 4:32 pm
You are talking about cleaning…..
Seriously?
Thats so boring hahahaha.
K
March 25, 2014 at 4:41 pm
It’s an in joke that we had so it would usually work. But that’s not really helpful how am I supposed to get him to chase when he just stops?
K
March 26, 2014 at 6:33 pm
So can you give me any tips or not?
admin
March 27, 2014 at 11:04 pm
What kind of tips do you want specifically?
K
March 27, 2014 at 11:25 pm
How to get him to chase me again instead of me being the one chasing? It seems that as, I have to initiate and he’s the one ending the conversations before I get a chance to, I’m still chasing him. When I use the tips above, either saying ill text again soon or stopping abruptly doesn’t bother him. He never then initiates or restarts the conversation. How can I flip it? I’ve followed this to the T so far and this part is the bit where it’s faltering. What can I do?
admin
March 28, 2014 at 4:35 pm
Maybe he is just good at hiding that it bothers him. I guarantee you that if you and I were talking I wouldn’t act like it bothered me at all if you stopped talking to me abruptdly but on the inside it would be driving me nuts.
Taryn
April 1, 2014 at 5:20 pm
Hey girl!
I think that of you want him to chase you, you should definitely shorten your texts. Keep them short, sweet, and to the point. Quality over quantity. Also, try not to ask him too many questions. In this article, Chris says that ungettable girls don’t ask questions. And He might be bored of that. Pick topics that are interesting to him :]
Exit the conversation when he’s hooked. That is, before he exits. If the conversation is at a high point, end it.
I think It’s good that he’s being so positive!! You gotta pull back a bit and shorten your responses. Be the logical thinker girlie 😀
K
March 28, 2014 at 5:28 pm
Then how do I get him to chase? The last time we spoke I made sure I just stopped and now it’s been 4 days and I’d kinda have hoped for a little text by now. I don’t see that it’s working. And if I keep doing it doesn’t it become too obvious?
Aria
March 21, 2014 at 10:21 pm
Hi Chris!
First, Id like to thank you for all your posts. Ive been secretely trying to go through as many as possible sitting at my office desk. Im in a hard place right now. My ex (24 yrs old, im 22) he broke up with me in the beginning of January after almost a year of being together. It was a great relationship, i think we both could agree on that. He also had a son, 3 years old, that i grew incredibly close to (lesson learned, dont date a guy with kids). Unfortunately, the first month, that was a mess. Back and forth messages, as if we couldnt fully just let each other go. I also got way too emotional, caught him off gaurd, probably because it was such a shock to me, im embarrassed but thats past now. He preached the bs “friends” from the beginning but i always told him it wouldn’t work, that it shouldnt. Around the same time i was told that his ex from a couple years ago had contacted him and they had drinks. But to this day, he insists she will always be a part of his past and that I think too much about things (bullshit). So after that i took the time to do “me,” joining a new gym studio, got back in shape, changed my hair for the better, got a new wardrobe. & then wallaa, hes back, but still doesnt want commitment, probably because im giving him what he wants right now (stupid me).
He ended up coming over about a month ago. Its been a month now that we have been hooking up, getting dinner, watching movies, all the good stuff we did when we were together (god, i know kill me). He said right now he cant be in a relationship, but he cant lose me either. We text almost every day, and i see him about twice a week. We still are very close, intimate. But i know im just giving him what he wants. I woke up today and felt i was killing myself inside continuing what i was doing. I’ve never done NC, and to be honest, it will be tough. Do i want him back? yes, back committed. But he’s not ready for that, and i cant spend any more time trying to find a way to do that. Im putting my big girl panties on right now and accepting where i stand in his life. It doesn’t help how close i was/am to his son and how close he is to me. If I do start the NC he would never expect it. Should I just stop texting him entirely right now? Does he deserve a response or explanation? Im being used, you made it clear i am being used(thank you for that). I desperately want to have control in this situation.
admin
March 22, 2014 at 6:23 pm
Hahaha secretly getting through them at your desk that’s hilarious.
You can read it on your phone if you need to be more secretive.
So, you want him back but you really want him to commit to you. Is that what you are saying? What are his main reasons for not committing. I will tell you if they are just BS or not.
Taryn
March 21, 2014 at 8:18 pm
Having that newness factor is a must!! And removing emotion. Haha I believe I can do this :]
admin
March 22, 2014 at 6:18 pm
You can do this!!!!
Nicky
March 12, 2014 at 7:34 pm
Hi Chris
I’m a bit confused. Ok so I dated my ex for only like 3 months and we broke up last year. (We’re both quite young, now 17 and 19), but when he broke up with me (I moved to a relative’s out of town for a month and we didn’t see each other just text really), we had no contact literally for 9 months (which was so hard)- I didn’t delete him on Facebook but I just didn’t contact him at all. Anyway, he messaged me a few weeks ago asking how I was. Now this is a big step for someone like him. I think about him all the time (cringing while writing that) so I don’t think I should ignore my feelings. We’re keeping the conversation pretty neutral/logical and not emotional, like you said, and sending like only 1 message every day, that’s it. My problem is, how do I maintain his interest, and show him still after all this time I like him, subtly, without coming across as desperate or needy? (That’s the last thing I want).
Thanks!
Kanne
February 24, 2014 at 2:13 am
Hi chris,
I think I made an oops last night. My ex and I were talking ( ok texting) and we were both flirting big time. He kept telling me things he likes about me. I did the same. I mentioned how I got hit on at work and that guys do check me out and ogle daily ( not to toot my own horn, but he likes to tell me how he has no troubles with the ladies) . He responded good for you. I said it’s flattering but it’s hard to find quality men. When I do I go after what I want and usually get what I want. He didn’t catch on that I was referring to him. After he asked I explained it. And he replie with good to know. We bantered and he mentioned how he knows I want him. I said I have not been to shy about it. ( my big oops). I said I know what I want but am trying to figure him out. He said don’t try since e doesn’t know to just see what happens. A few days ago he admitted to being open to trying again. So confusing! Maybe you could shed light on this. He mentioned things we should have done while together and I said if things work out than we will have the opportunity. He agreed. I suggested, again to meet up and aimed for this weekend but he is busy. I suggested the following week and he said yea. I am not going to wait forever for him. I do realize this is not an over night thing. However it has been about six months. Thoughts?
Now to my question. How do I get the ball back in my court?
Honest feedback please.
Reply
Sandra
February 20, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Hi Chris, I was wondering can you use no contact on a guy I just started dating? I’m met him online and got to know each other chatting for about a month before meeting. We ended up meeting and saw each other since he lives far it ended up being a 24 hour date.. 🙁 I know that’s bad…We did not get intimate.. any how the next weekend he ended coming up to my place and stayed 3 days. we did end up having sex the second night. When he left he called me that evening small talk and how nice it was being together and how comfortable he felt. Now fast forward 2 weeks.. The calls have dwindled and I received a call 4 days ago saying that he had family issue and that he wanted to let me know..Since then nada… I have initiated NC for 4 days…
admin
February 21, 2014 at 6:16 pm
You are still so early in the NC though.
J
February 18, 2014 at 9:34 am
Hi chris, can I have your email address? Will like to ask you about my situation
admin
February 18, 2014 at 7:22 pm
Ummm… I don’t give out my personal email address but I am more than happy to answer your question here.
Miranda
February 16, 2014 at 9:16 pm
My bf dumped me out of the blue one day and did it within 10 minutes after dating for a year. I didn’t get a very good explanation and he left me feeling very confused about what happened. No fight, nothing beforehand. I did the NCR and then texted him to hopefully talk sometime soon. If my goal is to get back together with him, yet I want to get some answers as well, how do I even know what to expect or how to approach the situation when we meet up? He was responding to my text messages quite nicely and kept saying, “hope you’re doing well”. I just have no idea what to expect and I want to be confident and positive yet tell him how I feel without him running further away. Help!
admin
February 17, 2014 at 7:37 pm
How long did you last in NC?
Miranda
February 18, 2014 at 1:43 am
About 25 days
Em
February 16, 2014 at 12:56 am
Ahhhhh, this contact thing is so much harder than no contact!!! I think I just need to totally chill out and stop thinking about things but I’m getting so many mixed signs from him!
He replies to my messages and generally seems engaged but in other conversations I only get a 1 word response. He even asked me to let him know when I was next in the area so we could meet up and then said it might not be a good idea. We’ve had one awesome phone conversation and he sent me a message after saying how nice it was. Also got a happy valentines message from him!!!
I think I need to continue to develop the emotional connection via text until he is more comfortable to meet up and he seems less mixed up…would you agree?
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:15 pm
Ya… actually its a weird paradox. The more you are invested the less you succeed.
Kind of like the more you try to understand something the less likely you are to understand it.
Em
February 17, 2014 at 5:37 am
That’s an awesome way to put it, thanks so much!!
Need to just let it all go and focus on me 🙂
Miranda
February 14, 2014 at 5:22 am
My bf dumped me out of the blue one day and did it within 10 minutes after dating for a year. I didn’t get a very good explanation and he left me feeling very confused about what happened. No fight, nothing beforehand. I did the NCR and then texted him to hopefully talk sometime soon. If my goal is to get back together with him, yet I want to get some answers as well, how do I even know what to expect or how to approach the situation when we meet up? He was responding to my text messages quite nicely and kept saying, “hope you’re doing well”. I just have no idea what to expect and I want to be confident and positive yet tell him how I feel without him running further away. Help!
kylie
February 12, 2014 at 5:28 am
My Boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and we are still in college. He is part of a fraternity and his brothers do not like our relationship and put things in his ear. He used to ignore them and stay committed but now he has let them influence him to an extent i believe. We do not have sex in our relationship because I want to wait for us to reconnect and build back emotionally. He is more of an emotional guy but not necessarily a cry type but thinks with his heart. But recently he only thinks about sex and wants to share it with me( i am not sexually active) but he has been looking for other opportunities according to one of his friend. When I approach him nicely and talk to him nicely, he texts me and stays in contact but recently we havent been talking at all. The only time he texts me is to get his stuff back but yet when I contact him for him to get his stuff, he is lazy about it. I dont know what to do in this situation and make him realize that i am not a safety net or a second option. I know he wants to have sex because he misses it but if he could wait a year, why cant he work on the relationship and make it work with me? I sometimes feel like he thinks i only need to change and try because I acted like a “princess” in the start of the relationship. He was fed up with equality and so we initially broke up. after a month he came back to me but it fell apart again because we got into fights a lot. What can I do to get a second chance and show him that we can make this work?
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:40 pm
Well, have you been able to rebuild your connection with him at all?
Kaylee
February 10, 2014 at 8:15 pm
So my ex and I have been in contact somewhat. We don’t talk about our relàtionship or anything. Just mostly chatting about work and friends and what not. At first he said he would never talk to me again and he was moving on but now we have been talking again. I have brought up good memories but he never says anything about them. Do u think it triggers anything in him? I haven’t tried to talk about us. But I just want to be able to reignite the love he once had for me again. How can I do this through our contact? We haven’t seen eachother either
admin
February 11, 2014 at 12:50 am
Would you be opposed to slowly escalating things?
Kaylee
February 11, 2014 at 8:39 pm
Yes I would be willing to do this? What do I do!
But last night when I saw him because he had surgery and I went to the hospital to see him he said he had been “talking” to someone but that’s all. Then he has asked if I had been dating. Everything went well, I was calm cool didn’t let my emotions get me when he told me that. He was smiling a lot at me and laughing. It was like old times.
Em
February 9, 2014 at 5:45 am
So I’m texting my ex after NC and he responds positively to my ‘I was thinking of you and smiled etc…’ texts but I’m finding I have to keep the conversations going as he doesn’t really ask me any questions or anything. I don’t think its cool for me to be asking him stuff all the time so the last time I didn’t but then there isn’t a conversation!!!
Not sure if he’s uncomfortable with me bringing up memories although he does respond fairly positively. He’s writes way longer messages when I ask about work etc?
How do you keep conversations going without looking lame? I’ve done the interesting story thing too and he seems engaged in that but still doesn’t seem that interested in asking any other questions about me!!
admin
February 10, 2014 at 5:26 am
If you slowly but surely bring up memories they tend to work.
NIKCY
February 6, 2014 at 7:13 pm
I broke up with my live in boyfriend two dayd ago because I was tired of feeling insecure and bad about myself. With no real committment of marriage I felt I was wasting my time…and when we fought BIG AND LOUD from MY DRAMA he would tell me to leave and that he didn’t love me. So I simply could not take anymore and ended it.
One can only deal with so many threats of break up.
I abruptly kicked him out, to his surprise, and I have gone no contact because I really I feel I want to get over him. He has not seen this side of me, which emerged as a result of reading sites like THIS and RORI RAYE. You have taught me about men! ANd most women DON”T KNOW!
GIRLS, take this time to really see if you want this guy back in your life. CHRIS, I really believe that a break up triggers so many old childhood abandonment issues, that if a girl can actually DO the NO contact with the right mind set, many times they WILL NOT WANT THAT BOYFRIEND BACK AGAIN AFTER ALL.
This is huge for me. This no contact is SOOOOO empowering! I should add that I am and AMERICAN in INDIA…and this is NOT AN EASY LIFE HERE…He has texted me three times today! One was as a result of my urgent sms to provide some emergency money…after which I got THREE more messages! One was for the maid asking me if he should send her and what time. NO REPLY from me. Second was an sms that the water man called him and should he send him. NO REPLY FROM ME. Last sms tonight was him thanking me for his pillow, since I brought his things to our friends house where he was staying.
He has told me more than once he does not LOVE me and only loves me as a FRIEND. HIDEOUS! WHY would I want to stay with someone who says this to me??
But THREE sms in one day! And I replied nothing. I have been in the powerless place in this relation for a LONG time and NOW I AM IN CONTROL!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH CHRIS!!!
admin
February 7, 2014 at 6:25 pm
NC has many many benefits let me tell you and what you just described is one of them.
Not only can it help you get your boyfriend back but it can actually heal you a bit.
NIKCY
February 6, 2014 at 6:28 pm
I just have to say that the photos you put in each section are the best part of your site!
THANKS!
admin
February 7, 2014 at 6:18 pm
Awww really?
Hahaha glad you like them.
Kimmie
January 24, 2014 at 9:02 pm
Uh-Oh….I screwed up. I waited for 7 months before my ex contacted me. He says I miss you. Twice. I waited two days and responded but I got way too emotional because of how he left me. Then he texts for me to forget he messaged me. Is it hopeless?
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:37 pm
No its not hopless but I think you have to seriously work to control your emotions a bit better.