How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”

Ally

January 6, 2014 at 4:59 pm

Ok so I sent my first text to my ex on Saturday I started with “I have a confession to make..” and then a message similar to what you suggest. The response was very positive. I tried to stop the conversation after a few messages by not responding but then he texted double saying “So that’s it? I guess I’ll ask you how your break was.” I didn’t want to seem rude so I answered him and we ended up having a nice conversation where he admitted he was sorry for doing what he did, that he still thought of me, we began reminiscing and he said he missed it, and he even began to send me “sex texts.” I was nice but not overly eager or anything what so ever. I sent no double messages and played along with he flirtatiousness not but too much. Now the conversation ended with him going to bed and saying good night it was nice to talk again. I replied and said it was goodnight. Sunday there were no texts from him and I was not going to text him first or at all. Now it’s Monday and I am completely stuck on what to do. Idk if I messed up by having a long conversation with him but it felt so nice and right that I kept going. Should I wait and see if he texts me first and if he doesn’t send a memory text in a few days? I hope I didn’t ruin my chances.. Please help give some insight on what my next step should be and how I should handle it! Thank you!

Ally

Abi Jaiy

January 27, 2014 at 10:27 pm

Baby girl, when he said “So thats it?” you should of stopped the conversation… Go into a day of NC then messaged him but not apologising for a late message! Just wait until he contacts you. It was toooooo sooooon to be texting like that!

But thheeen again he said hes sleep, you shouldnt of replied!

anonymous

December 27, 2013 at 4:58 pm

On the 4th date, how do i ask him if he’s serious abt me? I have a feeling he could be dating another lady currently. And he may have not made up his mind yet. If its me or her he wants to be with. Its been 2mths we contacted after i did NC and this coming monday will be the 4th meetup in 2mths. Up till this point, he has agreed to meet me on monday. Which is 2days away! I’m planning on what to say when i see him.

anonymous

December 31, 2013 at 9:43 am

Okay so the 4th date didn happen cause he was sick. He said to meet me on new years day this coming wednesday; which i’m anticipating him to cancel on me. Today, new years eve, i tried texting him casually asking what are his plans and so forth. Its been 3hrs and still no reply 🙁 i’m trying not to turn into a text/call gnat again cause it would definitely ruin my chances to seeing him tmr.

My qns is Why does he seemed so hot and cold? Sometimes he replies my qns in msgs with one words. Sometimes he takes long, sometimes he replies me quick.

If tmr he does end up meeting me, i’m planning to lay all my cards on the table. Tell him that i want to work things out and i want to know if he’s on the same page as me. Will it be too soon to pressure him for commitment? I only started trying to win him back in nov.. so its been 2mths plus i guess. Or how many mths or dates more should i wait before i ask for commitment?

Rachel

December 27, 2013 at 11:00 am

Hey Chris,

I’ve been avidly reading your page the last month.. My ex never had the talk.. But things have progressed a little… He has been partying etc usual boy hurt stuff.

He has been texting me everyday with little things and snap chats… The best one was on Christmas Day… When it was a picture of some bacon and toast saying” Christmas dinner for one” lol……

I’ve done a bit of NC but not the full 30 days… It’s been more limited contact. I’ve done well though as I have never instigated the convo and when I reply ill leave it ages and its not emotional like one word answers and very cold shoulder…

I am feeling loads better in myself now and know that everything will be ok. The best one though was a message sent yesterday asking for my address…. He knows my address…. I asked why its was to send me a Christmas present he ordered ages ago… I told him that he shouldn’t of… But he said if I don’t want it’s cool but he will post it anyway…

He is liking things on my fb, texting me to say hello to my family etc…. He has also txt girlfriends of mine asking if I’m ok and what I am up too as well…. I’ve had no call yet… But he is liking things on my Facebook.

How do you commend I progress with this… How much more of the cold shoulder do I need to give ?

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Why not send him a text?

anonymous

December 27, 2013 at 4:55 am

Hello again chris! I was wondering who should pay for dates? If i were to go out with my ex. Should i treat it casually as friends and go dutch? Or expect him to pay? Back when we were dating he always pays. The first 3 meetups with him since i did NC and blah blah, he’s been paying. I’m slowly working my way to getting a 4th date. But i dont wanna give him the wrong impression if i offer to pay or if i dont offer to pay. What do guys think if their ex pays for dates anyway? I’m curious.

I dont wanna offer to pay (scared to be put in the friendzone) yet i dont wanna put pressure on him making it seemed like a date and expect him to pay. Either way, i dont wanna make him feel uncomfortable when the bill comes! Heck, i will be feeling more uneasy. Haha.

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Well, the guy usually should pay.. However, it is always nice of a girl to offer and mean it.
anonymous

December 27, 2013 at 4:57 am

Also what if i offer to pay for the full bill instead of splitting with him? What impression will he have on me then?
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:32 pm

Split it… you shouldn’t have to pay for the full bill… Inf act, he should be the one that pays.
anonymous

December 27, 2013 at 6:02 am

One more qns! On the 3rd date (which is a monday) at the end of the date. He said he wants to see me again the following monday. Should i ask him if its a confirm meeting nearing the date? Or play it cool and wait for him to ask me again? Honestly, i dont wanna think too much and i feel like just asking him directly maybe one or two days before monday. I dont wanna hope for so long only to be disappointed later 🙁 since this will be the 4th meetup, i would consider it to be a pretty big deal as a sign that he wants to get back with me.
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Yes confirm the meeting.

Katrina

December 26, 2013 at 11:44 am

okay! so.. i did the nc phase and after 2 weeks my ex was super jealous and text me but told me not to reply so i didn’t… then the other day we started talking again and went for dinner and he ended up staying over because there was a storm and the roads were all blocked….. he started telling me how he misses me every day and second guesses his decision to break up with me, except now he doesn’t want to get back together because he thinks im having too much fun without him and he doesn’t want to take that away from me… We broke up because he said he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore and last night he told me he was falling back in love with me but wouldn’t get back together for at least 6-8 months.. but also said that if he fell madly in love with within that time he would consider getting back together. I’m seeing him again tomorrow night.

Firstly, how do I let him know I am having fun without him to make him chase me.. but not having enough fun that I still need him and miss him…

Secondly, how do I play tomorrow night!

admin

December 26, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Facebook is always good for that.
Katrina

December 26, 2013 at 9:46 pm

he deleted me off facebook and instagram because he couldn’t handle seeing me out having fun
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Well that is actually a good sign I think.

J

December 26, 2013 at 2:13 am

Let’s say you implement the NC rule for 30 days.
However, during this time, your ex contacts you on day 12.
You ignore it, go about your business.

When you eventually text back on day 31, isn’t he going to be uber pissed because you’ve kept him waiting for a considerable amount of time?

admin

December 26, 2013 at 6:18 pm

He may be but in my experience he is more happy that you talk to him than anything.

samantha

December 23, 2013 at 12:00 am

My ex-boyfriend and I have been in a lingering breakup space acting as friends. He has cut out sex and tells me he is not dating or having sex with anyone else because he is focused on himself and that he needs distance from us. ALso, he said that if he was to start dating I would be first choice…..We have been limited to email convos only, I made the mistake of pretending we are friends and over and over my messages get misread as if I want to pull him back in so he cuts contact. We were friends prior to the relationship and I really want to have an open detailed conversation that either says we have no future or discuss the situation as time off. Advise?

admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:03 pm

All you want is that open conversation?

Maybe if that is all you want you can just lay everything on the table.

Jen

December 22, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Okay, so I asked my ex boyfriend to hang out at Costa. He accepted, but when I tried to schedule a date, he said that he wouldn’t be free until the new year. I said ok, then when I thought about it… I thought that I was being a doormat. So, I text him a few hours later and told him ‘not to worry about the drink, we would do it some other time’ He asked me ‘what had changed’ and I said ‘I’ll be honest with you, I had a little think’ and so, he said ‘ok. cool. some other time then’. I replied and said ‘I just thought that if you wanted to go for a drink, you would have instigated it’. He hasn’t responded and neither have I. What to do now?

Jen

December 23, 2013 at 11:44 pm

Okay, update on this situation.

He did not respond to ‘I just thought that if you wanted to go for a drink, you would have instigated it’. A few hours later, I text him and I basically put it all on the table. It wasn’t an ultimatum per se, but just an open ended “confession” and “full stop” as to where I am at.

I told him that I missed him, loved him and probably wouldn’t be over him for a while.
I reminded him of all the things he said to me about being ‘the missing piece to complete him’ and that this gave me the impression that he wanted to build a future with me.
I told him that I would like him to be in my life, but that I am protecting myself because I don’t want to be hurt again and that is the real reason why I did a 360 on going for a drink.
I told him that I believed that men go for what they really want, and if he wanted me… he would fight/have fought for me.
I told him that I understood that he may not be ready for the type of love that I am willing to give him at the moment, and although I haven’t been with anyone (and don’t plan to be at the moment) at some point, someone else will come along who will be ready…
I told him that I do really believe that we have something that we can grow together, but I can’t force him to realise or make an effort to see what I see.
I told him that it is time for me to step back, and I hope that he did fight for me.

I guess No Contact starts again now. I do not intend breaking this No Contact tbh. Unless he actually puts in effort to win me back, then it is over.

I sent this yesterday, he hasn’t responded – Is this a good thing?
In your opinion/experience, do (you think) guys step up to the plate and go after ex girlfriends?
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Yup, NC starts again.
Jen

December 26, 2013 at 12:28 am

Okay Chris. So, he text me back today…

He wished me and my family a Merry Christmas.

He said that his aim was to build something that would last forever with me. The ultimate goal was marriage and that with me, there’s this bond that he doesn’t have with anyone else. He likes the interactions we have and he doesn’t have to pretend to be anything that he is not.

He admitted that he had baggage from his previous relationship, but said he wouldn’t have committed to me if he was not sure in any way of what he wanted. He said that although he told me that he wanted to eventually end up marrying me, I assumed a type of relationship that would be expected of a couple who had been together for years and that, it takes time to get to that stage and I was naive to assume that that was where we were in our relationship. Then he said that, if that is just how I am in terms of a relationship, then I need to re-evaluate my approach (just a suggestion).

He said that we gave it a try, and it didn’t work. Things happen for a reason and he guesses that it just isn’t meant to be, whether that’s now or forever.

He ended it by saying that he doesn’t ever want to not talk to me or have me around. So, we will have to just wait and see what life has in store for us and that he appreciates that means I will find someone else.

Then he said ‘Regards’ (really?)

Tbh, I am not going to respond, because I found aspects of the text rather hurtful – What is your opinion on it?
admin

December 26, 2013 at 6:17 pm

I think you are spot on. Just don’t respond.
J

December 27, 2013 at 1:29 pm

I do love him, and I think I’ve grown to realise that more as time has gone on. We broke up in September 2013, and I guess I’ve tried to get him back every month since that happened. I did do a brief 23 day NC, but it wasn’t really genuine in my heart. I was still looking at his Twitter etc. and not really taking the time out to reflect and be still (I’m quite a spiritual person who often needs substantial Time Out after something upsetting has happened).

But, this time, things are somewhat different now. Maybe that’s because things have happened in my personal life that have caused me to step back and really look at our relationship logically (hoorah, because I am quite an emotional person!) really assessing what I deserve from him.

I started pole dancing (shortly after our break up) which I really enjoy and I really want to start running in the New Year because I find that long walks and being outside help to clear my head.

I guess, when these 30 days are up, I will be asking myself whether I want to pursue him “the right way” or whether I want to walk away from it completely. Not because I don’t love him, I do. I really do. But, when someone texts you back saying ‘Regards’ – you really do have to pump the breaks.

The good thing, is that he does text me now. Before, he ignored me and didn’t say a word. That is some progress, but I guess the difference is now that… I want to be chased and I now want to be made to feel like I matter.

A part of me does hope that he reaches out during this NC, because if he doesn’t, that will really make me reconsider. However, one of the things that I am learning and working on is my patience. If I’ve always be so giving of myself, he will have it in his mind that he doesn’t have to work for me – So, how can I expect him to really carry out some of the hardwork to fix our relationship? – I can’t.

I’m definitely maturer/calmer in my approach and I think he respects this.

This is Day 5 of my NC… Let’s see how the rest goes.
Wish me luck, I’m so determined to make the big 3-0!
J

December 28, 2013 at 1:11 am

Oh Chris! We have a problem.

As explained in a previous post, my father is not too well at the moment and as a result has been unable to work. We’ve run into a few financial difficulties and my ex boyfriend did a really huge thing by moving our car out of sight from the repo men (yaaaay, but naaaaay!).

Because now the time has come… We need to move the car back (insurance hasn’t been paid for the month – eeek!). My mother is insisting my ex boyfriend moves the car back onto our driveway. Man! It’s day 6 of my NC!!!

I want my mother to call him and make the arrangements. I don’t really want to talk to him. But I’m going to have to give him the keys to the car to move it (if he comes round) meaning – I SEE HIM. Urgh!

The last thing I said is that he should fight for me. He text me saying that he has a bond with me like no other, but we tried and failed. We have to see what life has in store for us, but if I meet someone else… I meet someone else.

So how do I play this? What should I do? What if he texts me asking me why I got my mum to call him and not me?

Welp!
admin

December 28, 2013 at 7:43 pm

You are only 6 days in?

Josiane

December 22, 2013 at 1:41 pm

Hi Chris! 🙂
I need your help, please….
After the 30 days of NC, I contacted my ex and he responded positively and I ended the contact…after 3 days I send him a meme, and again he responded positively to it so we talk for like 10 mins and I ended the contact again..( we are LDR ), but then, after 2 days after it, I tried the good memories text…but I wanted to follow your instructions and keep it for kind of 2 hours…and then end it…I felt the conversation was getting long but I didn’t want to end it before the 2 hours… 🙁 so he did it! man, Chris, he told me he was hungry and had to go and get something to eat..( it was missing only 20mins for the 2 hours) I got so terrified because of that that my reaction was to not respond to it at all and leave Facebook ( we were chatting there ) as you mentioned as well.
He have been putting some effort in the conversations, but he is not contacting me first yet. What do I do now Chris, wait a week before talking to him again? how long should I hold the next conversation for? 15 mins or so? thank you a lot, Chris.
Josi.

admin

December 22, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Slowly but surely you want to talk to him more and more.

Josiane

December 22, 2013 at 1:33 pm

Hi Chris! 🙂
I need your help, please….
After the 30 days of NC
Anna

December 20, 2013 at 10:22 am

Yo I’m back. This is the Anna wondering whether getting le ex to chase me is possible if I did all the chasing in the beginning.
The end of my NC period happens to fall right smack bang on Xmas day. Thoughts on initiating contact with a Hey have a merry xmas text? Or is that risky because it may make him feel shit on xmas?
I’m only thinking that’s a possibily because he has not contacted me as of yet. I’m kind of thinking he won’t too

admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:41 am

Stay strong in NC. You are almost there. What have you done to evolve in the meantime?
Anna

December 21, 2013 at 12:48 pm

Er yeah there’s no chance of me breaking it. What I mean is, 30 days will have been and gone by xmas, so should I initiate contact straight away will an xmas centric text or what for a couple of days?
In the meantime I’ve been going out heaps with friends and even caught up with people I haven’t seen in months. I focused on hobbies like sewing and also have a home improvement project going on. I haven’t done the get fit thing cus I’m already a size 4 and I don’t wanna kill what curves I have. Contemplating a way of merely toning up without losing any weight.
I guess in general I forced myself to not let it get me down too much even tho it’s a pretty devastating thing to happen.

timara

December 19, 2013 at 3:34 pm

Also what next should I do after telling him the truth?pull away or what?your suggestions are highly needed.
Ada

December 19, 2013 at 12:50 am

Hi Chris!
I’m sorry for bothering u.
My ex and I texted the day after our break up, and it was a mix of angry/sad texts on my part, and him telling me he didn’t wanna hurt me anymore and maybe when hes more stable (gets a job again, finds an apt) we can try again. I think he just said that to keep me on a string, cause he’s selfish & wants to always stay friends with people. We broke up cause he was sneaking around being friends w his ex, and he had promised me when we decided to be official that he would end contact w her (she wanted him back at all costs & I was not gonna let that fly. so to keep me he ended contact w her, but resumed after some months w out my knowledge) & also because he said his instability drove him insane so he made bad decisions, including hanging out w her.
Anyway, after the texting of the day after the break up, I sent him a long text asking “if he really thought wed be together if he was stable”? He replied monday, 2 days later. I did not reply to his text because it was just dumb. Tuesday he sent me an angry text for not replying & Wedn 3 more txts angry that I didnt reply & didn’t want to be his friend. He deleted me from social networks too. So I can’t even show off that I’m doing good. I waited 3 more days, til saturday to reply. I was doing NC but I was afraid if i never said anything he’d block my # or something. I sent a text highlighting a good/fun memory we had. He still has not replied. I thought by changing the mood w a memory instead of replying to his angry texts that Id make him reflect on the good we had, and make him feel guilty for what he did…I assumed by the non-threatening nature of my txt he’d wanna txt me back…Should I text him to explain why I was ignoring him? or should I wait for him to make contact? And if he does do i tell him I need time, or just ignore for NC?
Thanks a ton!

Ada

December 28, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Hi Chris, We went on our date & he kissed me. He told me he wanted to be intimately exclusive w me & doesn’t want to get to know a new person or go on dates with a new person. he said we can hang out/date/be intimately exclusive but due to his instability in life right now he cannot be a bf. He said he sees it happening for us later on but he needs time to fix his other problems in life. Since the meet up, he has dropped the texting frequency & I don’t like that. He always texted me a lot, and had up to the meet up the other night. If he starts texting me only when he wants to see me, isn’t that just too casual? I feel like he’s not worried about winning me over because he got me to see him? what do you think?
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:17 pm

No, don’t explain unless he demands it and then just say that you needed time for yourself.
Ada

December 19, 2013 at 9:41 pm

I just dont understand why he couldnt reply to my nice memory txt. Do u think thats a bad sign thaut he wont contact me again? If he doesnt until the end of NC should i try again?
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:15 am

No its not a bad sign. You may have just caught him at the wrong time or in the wrong mood.
Ada

December 23, 2013 at 4:32 am

He texted me yesterday ( 1 week ltr exactly). We talked a little, i was in charge of the convo as u say & it ended w him laughing. Today he txted me again & said he missed our sunday fundays. I didn’t really reply to that I just steered off topic. The he tried to get me to pity him cause hes broke etc but i steered off that too. (hes broke cause hes too picky w jobs, not cause he cant actually find one. i cant endorse that behavior). So he said instead hed focus on good thoughts & he said he was sorry for bringing up pitiful remarks but he always felt comfortable talking to me about such things. What should I do Chris? He hasn’t apologized for hurting me. brings back memories. Hes too unstable life wise to have a gf. I don’t wanna tell him to go away, but I want him to tell me what his motive is for trying to be close again. Is he trying to string me along by being friends and then when hes ready to try again? how do i ask things w out seeming desperate?
admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:18 pm

He could be. What are his actions saying? Look at his actions and not his words.
Ada

December 24, 2013 at 2:51 am

Today we talked on the phone & he said if he wasnt so broke and unstable hed ask me on a date. he said he knows i dont wanna see him anytime soon, but that he hopes I will be around when he can afford to take me out. He said I was the best thing that happened to him & that he regrets what he did to hurt me but he knows it won’t change my mind. The phone convo was so good & i realized I missed him but it has not been enough time for him to correct his behavior. What should I do since he cant take me out? Would hanging out be too casual/not enough chase for him? I want to wait another couple weeks maybe, but what should I do as far as dates go?
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Go to the park or something. Make it low pressure. Tell him that money doesn’t matter right now.
Ada

December 24, 2013 at 9:38 pm

Thank u! u’ve been so helpful! He asked to hang out later this week and I have to decide if thats ok with me. By the end of this week it would have been a month since we last saw each other. After how many dates do u think it’s ok to ask him what his intentions are?
admin

December 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm

3 dates.

Juju

December 18, 2013 at 3:24 pm

I feel like I messed up my relationship by being too emotional again 🙁 I was with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. A few months ago he broke up with me and I did no contact so it worked and he begged for me back. Before we got back I told him what issues I had with him and how he takes me for granted (like putting his friends over me, never texting or calling). He said he would change and wouldn’t do that anymore so I agreed to get back with him.

For the first month it was great, he was attentive, texted me without me initiating it, text me I love you and miss you constantly, and even would ask me every night when could he call to talk to me over the phone or when we could see each other . I thought things really had changed until one day it seemed like our break up never happened. He went back to being the same guy I said I wouldn’t tolerate. He got a new job which I was happy for but then it seemed like all the days he worked he wouldn’t even call me because he was too tired but could call his friends to play video games all night with them. And when he had his days off he would do the same thing call his friends to play video games.

It seemed like I went back to square one where I was the girlfriend who called and tried to see him and no effort was put on his end. I tried even talking to him but it seemed like I was talking to a wall and all he could just tell me is relax because I was getting so mad. It frustrates me that we go through a breakup for a month and he realizes he doesn’t want to loose me but then when he has me it’s like he doesn’t care anymore to even try. 🙁

Well yesterday my emotions got to me I texted him saying that it was over and I needed my space. He had mentioned getting space two weeks ago and when I agreed he changed his mind because he saw I was hurt. But I couldn’t stand going back and forth giving spaces that’s all I ever do when he doesn’t text or call. Anyways after I texted him that things were over I never got a response from him :(. I feel really down and feel like all of this could’ve been avoided if he just listened and tried. I know being emotional isn’t the best thing but now I feel like I messed things up by just ending it and him not caring to even text me.

I don’t know what to do. Will no contact work or should I just give up? I really just want the guy he showed me he could be when we first got back together. Is it even possible to get that back?
Stella

December 18, 2013 at 7:06 am

We broke up because I’m too needy (apparently). So I backed right off. He keeps turning up where I am, emailing me etc. I respond, we chatter and then he vanishes. So I just ignore him & wait for him to come back. Got sick of that, so I started ignoring him, and he always chases me up. But, nothing happens. He’s making no effort to take things further. It’s like he wants me on a string, but that’s all.

NC is hard because our lives are quite involved. I can do LC (which is what I do now). It’s very confusing being chased by somebody who is seemingly uninterested. Why do that?

admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:42 pm

What do you mean? Sorry you confused me.
Stella

December 18, 2013 at 9:22 pm

Why would somebody persistently chase you and keep you on the hook when they don’t actually want you?
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Because they are mean.. Also, they may like the idea of having your support.
Stella

December 19, 2013 at 7:48 pm

Thank you 🙂 I wondered if it was the fact that they’re just mean.

He’s vanished anyway, so maybe he finally got bored with his game of cat and mouse.

So confused

December 17, 2013 at 6:50 am

Me and my boyfriend broke up a little over a week ago. He told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and all that other stuff they say. Well, being a natural girl, I went all emotional….I tried not to be, but it was just always my first reaction. He continued to talk to me at school the next week (we broke up on a Friday) and even texted me sometimes. Over the weekend I didn’t text him at all and even ignored the texts that he had sent me. Though on Monday he was trying to talk to me like nothing happened. He was complimenting me, commenting on my “reveal” shirt, asking if I had to work that night, and at lunch I wasn’t sitting with him since the week before he had done nothing but ignored me. Though, when I came walking down the hallway at the end of lunch, he came rushing over and was asking where I disappeared to. I don’t understand why he is being like this if he was the one who told me he wanted nothing to do with me and that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I was only following what he wanted, but now I don’t know what’s going on. Any thoughts?

admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Something internally within him is giving him doubts..

Evelyn

December 16, 2013 at 6:08 am

Did no contact for 30 days worked ended mid November now itsMid dec went on dates ect was good he’s still angry about things we had an argument the other night I ended it for the best just txt stuff no face to face but he’s just treating me like a “friend zone all over even my conversation went down with him I just feel like I suck at txt so like you wait 30 day no contact to be back in the friend zone? allittle confused but what I wanna do right now since we had an argument wanna give it some days not 30? he’s still txt me not replying said my goodbye but I still care:/ he’s just lying I find out so much about him when he goes out not being a player type just going out and he will ignore me and that night I got mad at him got kinda desperate and said yea have fun tonight and bring me food since we both knew were he was @ he got fired up angry msg but no over he’s still txt me and I know still wants me I notice when he won’t txt back I even became a gant “fail idk when this happend just got lost here and it’s SCARRY but I know I can change this I have the lower just help me out here !?

admin

December 16, 2013 at 6:44 pm

What is your specific question?

Sorry just a little confused.
E

December 17, 2013 at 5:42 am

Just wanna know if I have to do 30 day no contact again or just give each other more days I haven’t been txt him for.2days/half already? Got in to this txt argument was being to nosy
admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Stay in NC longer.
E

December 18, 2013 at 4:23 am

Like how many days do you think I should stay in no contact?
I’m ignoring him for the best but I don’t wanna seem rude if I also see him around?
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Usually I recommend 30 days.
E

December 19, 2013 at 1:30 am

I see you do recomend that but I feel a shorter time be ok I have already done 30 days before too yikes!
E

December 17, 2013 at 5:10 am

I did 30 day no contact to be back on the friend zone I mean everything worked I actually tried got fit& changed for the best ect. just notice he’s lying about stuff lately I’ve been checking up on him I feel like I just went back to this girl I wasn’t we have been angry the happy were so weird he’s been confusing!and now are msg are not good he doesn’t even txt till night! if I send him a nice video he will be like”that’s what you send to your buddies too

youngnconfused soon to be catlady

December 13, 2013 at 2:17 am

why is there such a big time frame for the no contact rule on this page? 21-90 days? that’s a really large range. When does one decide to break nc since the range is so open and large?! just curious……

admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Well, it depends on each individuals situation.

For example, someone who has already gone long periods of not contacting their ex may just want to go with 21 days instead of 30.

timara

December 12, 2013 at 8:00 am

I went on an NC rule for a month but it was interrupted twice when we contacted ourselves for help in something.during the times we contacted ourselves while in the NC period,I kept everything on a casual tone…initiating normal contact with him again was done only after NC(which was just twice;the text which he called back afterwards and my calling him to wish him happy sunday)I began NC on the 6th of nov.and ended on the 6th of dec,except for the fact that it was interrupted on the 17th and 29th of last month.I know you’re busy but please could you read my previous message again.thank you!

admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:19 pm

I think it should be ok though even if it was interrupted. Have you attempted to initiate contact
timara

December 17, 2013 at 8:50 am

Hi,goodmorning!
Thanks for your previous advice and suggestions.I think I’m making progress and I don’t want to take the wrong steps that’s why I’m writting you again.
After the last two contacts I made with my ex(which were on the the 6th;friday and 8th;sunday)I gave it a week before I could make another contact with him which happened four days ago(friday).I called him and we talked for a very long time,we talked almost about evrything.our achievements and lots of stuffs.he did most of the talking anyways and sounded really excited to hear from me.somehow he asked me if I had moved on(as per if I was into another relationship) I told him I wasn’t yet but I have met nice guys and he said that he wasn’t emotionally attached to anyone or even slept with anyone or even in a relationship yet.when I asked him why,he said because he was respecting me.he asked me if I had had sex and I told him it was something private and can’t share it with anyone.he got angry that I referred to him as anyone and that I spoke casually with him,and that I had sex with someone else.he was so mad that I was even shocked by his reactions.he asked a lot of questions and from how he sounded I guess he cried.he called me back and we spoke for long too he equally asked me why I did it when we shared a bond and all,but I told him the bond was when we were together,he said he loved me and hurts to hear that I could move on so quick.he kept calling me even at midnight saying he couldn’t sleep and that he had lost appetite and I should call him back.I did and we spoke and talked about why I did it and all but I didn’t say anything to him,he concluded that I had sex that was why I couldn’t open up to him.so I later slept off.early the next day,he called me again saying he couldn’t and didn’t even sleep atall.that he kept thinking of me with someone else and the images drove him insane.that he really loved and still loves me why would I do such a thing and asked if the guy was worth it of which I replied yes but we aren’t dating.he asked a lot of questions but I kept answering him vaguely and casually he got even more mad that I wasn’t being open with him and that I was choosing my words.he equally said that he repected me and he’s dissapointed that I had fucked another guy in such a short time and had even moved on.we argued a lot again but all I did and said was done calmly(I was more of being the listener) and when I refered to what went wrong in our relationship;he said we shouldn’t talk about it over the phone but face to face rather.so he said he was going to come to my state to spend sometime with me but I don’t know if that’s a good or bad idea.he equally said a lot of sweet stuffs and God knows I felt so much loved,in control and happy.through out that day he kept calling and being sweet.went out and he called me but I told him I was out and that I was going to call him when I was less busy.late that same day(saturday)I called him but he didn’t pick,called him again even the nexxt day(sunday) and he still didnt pick or call back.I don’t want to rush things or seem needy now that things are going this way. Though his attitude over the news that I slept with someone else(moved on) surprised me,but I equally felt happy to be so much in control at that point.and the truth about the whole matter is that I haven’t even done what he feels I did.I haven’t even had sex with any other guy as he accused me,I so much wanted to tell him the truth at that moment but I couldn’t because I didn’t want him to be in charge again or say/do things that could hurt me.because he actually said that I turned tables against him now and all the while he thought I was missing him not knowning I was fucking another guy.hearing that come from him made me lie the more because I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable to him…so now,what should I do next at this point to get him to chase me?and how would I tell him the truth that I haven’t slept with anyone else?
admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:04 pm

I think you should just tell him “I havent been with anyone else.” simple as that hahaha.
timara

December 18, 2013 at 7:49 am

Hahaha!Are you saying I should call him?remember I want him to chase me.the situation I narrated above to me sorta put me in a stronger position atleast he now feels I’m stronger without him and that I can move on and do without him;I’m not vulnurable to him now.beside he isn’t even picking my calls again.after showing his emotions one minute and that he cared he withdrew again:what does that mean?even if I so much want to tell him the truth,how would I get him to chase me after that?,what should I do next?
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Well, I was saying that only if you know he isn’t going to call you and you know he isn’t one to make the first move.
timara

December 19, 2013 at 7:03 am

So that’s a yes that I should call him right?does telling him the truth makes it a gurantee that he would chase me or what?
Don’t you think it would make me seem vulnurable.
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Nothing is a guarantee… and you should call if you feel it is the best thing for you.
timara

December 19, 2013 at 9:29 pm

Right now,I don’t know what’s best for me and what isnt.if I did,I wouldn’t be here asking for directives from you;you of all people should know that!so please as a guy that you are, can you atleast give me an advice on what to do?if I should or shouldn’t call.and what next to do after the call.I probably will take the wrong step without your guide so please try giving me one!
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:17 am

Well, I wouldn’t call b/c you don’t seem logical right now.. You seem like you have some emotions getting in the way and when emotional ppl get to talking.. mistakes can be made.

Sally

December 11, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex told me that he doesn’t want to date anyone right now. He broke it off with his rebound. But we have been hanging out. We recently went to dinner and a movie. And he suggests places that we should go to in the future. But he keeps telling me that he doesn’t want to date anyone. I love hanging out with him but how many times should I hang out with him before asking what our deal is? I don’t want to force things but I hate this feeling of uncertainty.

Thanks!

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:58 am

3-5 times.
Vivian

December 13, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Hi Chris,

Thanks for answering my question above. I will try to wait until the 5th date to bring up the topic of dating again. If, after the 5th date, he still decides that he doesn’t want to date or be in a relationship with me, what do you suggest I do? Just move on? Or go back into NC?

Thanks!
admin

December 14, 2013 at 9:52 pm

Hmm… well, if he won’t commit then I suggest moving on (and this can actually make him want you once he realizes he can’t have you.)

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