Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back

542 thoughts on “Common Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back”

Kathleen

September 4, 2013 at 1:56 am

I went NC after my ex replaced me 2 weeks before ending it with me…
I don’t want the NC to end. I’m good right now with never speaking to him.
Is this normal to feel like this now?
can going nc do this to a person?

admin

September 4, 2013 at 2:57 am

Haha it can. You may not want him back anymore that is entirely possible. Just reevalutate your goals.

Cara

September 1, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Hi Chris,
I did 26 day NC becuase he knows that I did 30 day NC before; I had to make it either longer or shorter than 30 days.

His replies to my texts sound neutral.
I think should stop initiating contact until it becomes another 30 days, right?
I will appreciate your help.

admin

September 2, 2013 at 2:39 am

Nah, wait a week and try again.

You may need to make your text more intriguing.

Check out the texting sections on this site or nab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for more examples.

Violetta

August 29, 2013 at 7:47 pm

Chris thanks for your replies by now first of all 🙂
When I finally replied to him I said like “it doesn’t matter now”, and acted like it would be cool if he comes but I won’t die for him to, and he started saying “if you don’t want I won’t come”, which I think was a way to get a warmer reaction, right?

I convinced him to come to my city next tuesday (still to confirm definitely), then we went on texing the whole afternoon. First he said to get whatsapp so we can connect easier, when I said he had disappeared for weeks he said anytime he tried to hear or see me I replied aggressive as usual, as if anything happens it’s his fault (which he used to say when we were together and was right sometimes), and he didn’t try to have sex with my friend, and that apart of all our contrasts, I look really good in the latest pictures I uploaded and he still dreams of touching and having sex with me. I replied and he said to not set him on further. So I told him I won’t “help” him, he’ll have to rely on his little “girls” and at that point we started to fight and he kept saying I should stop being so aggressive and that he is going out with a girl he met 2 weeks ago. I became so angry again and gave him other sarcastic and aggressive replies so he said goodbye.
I know I have that problem, he’s been telling me since we were together and even though I’ve already started to change it is still so difficult when I get hurt or angry, it’s self-defence but I understand peope doesn’t care. He told me some old things he’s been told about me and I tried to explain my point of view and apologized anyway. He started saying he is happy I realized and that i’m trying to change but I have to do it for mysef not for him. 🙁
I tried to go back on us and he said he’s not looking for a serious things with this girl and when I told him “you dream of me pretty often huh?” he said “so what’s the problem”, I said “not for me. maybe for you since you go out with someone and then you still dream of me…”, “don’t you worry!” which I don’t understand if it’s good for me or not.
He then said he had to go and I thanked him for telling me his point of view and I’ll try to change for the better. He replied again saying bye, smiling.

Do you think there’s a way to solve this situation? Can this relationship be saved?
How?

Thanks again Chris

admin

August 31, 2013 at 1:53 am

I am so sorry but you lost me hahaha.

I kind of only understood half of that. Do you think you can simplfy it for me?

liz

August 29, 2013 at 7:32 pm

i sent you an email..didnt know we could respond on here. hopefully you got it!

admin

August 31, 2013 at 1:51 am

Yea, I will get to it later today.

Phiona

August 29, 2013 at 11:45 am

me and this guy stay in different countries.but sometime.he was in my country and he liked me but we didnt go into a relationship because with da work he was doing,he was not allowed to date girls but once in a while he would call and even text me.this went on for bout 6 months and in the last week of his stay in my country,he confessed he loved me and he has been in love with me for all that time.
when he went back to his country,he became very busy and at times,we would spend three days without talking till i initiate.when i asked him why i always had to be the one to initiate,he told me his life was hectic and even if i checked,he is not active on da social network (which was true).so when i asked him if he still has feelings for me,he said no. He told me that am a wonderful woman but it wouldnt work out though i didnt ask him why he thinks so.i took it easy and i started no contact for 30 days.14 days without me contacting him,he sent me an email advising me about my career and that when i graduate,i should go online and apply for jobs in his country.i didnt reply the email till the 30 days were done.he replied back. and nowadays,we even chat on facebook and he tells me what is going on in his life.i must confess am a text gnat and i initiate most of the conversations but he also does at times though rarely.nowadays,i feel it from the texts that he is sweet though we dont flirt with each other.
so, i need your help,should i continue having hope that he will love me again and what should i do now?

admin

August 29, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Hi Phiona,

I am actually working on a long distance relationship guide AS WE SPEAK. So, if you are patient your questions will all be answered there.
Phiona

August 30, 2013 at 6:34 am

thx,ill be patient

irishgirl13

August 28, 2013 at 2:39 pm

Hi is it too late to redeem myself after being a text gnat? Can no contact still work getting him back after I have text loads?

admin

August 29, 2013 at 3:47 am

Absolutely no contact can work in that case!
irishgirl13

August 29, 2013 at 11:13 am

Iv been reading different things about no contact. Iv also read it should be used to move on and to heal a broken heart rather than get an ex back. What are your thoughts on this?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Thats the beautiful thing about NC it can be used for both. In fact, I kinda recommend moving on a little bit IN ORDER to get your ex back.

Liz

August 26, 2013 at 8:41 pm

Thanks for taking the time to write this its very helpful. Its barely been like a week when he asked me for time to see if he really loves me , we been together for 5 years and it broke my heart when he said this. He texted me 3 days ago but so far I haven’t been responding , and its so hard not to respond back , I feel like I’m dying here! But I do want him to miss me which is why I’m doing everything I can to not text him

admin

August 27, 2013 at 4:11 am

You are doing good Liz. Make sure you aren’t just sitting around during NC and doing nothing. That is a surefire way to drive yourself crazy. I recommend evolving during that time.

Also, you might want to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. If the price is an issue then just email me and I will be happy to make it affordable for you.

Violetta

August 26, 2013 at 11:40 am

Hey Chris, your posts are so complete, this is one of my fave sites on “get your ex bf” so I thought I’d ask your advice…
My story is:
I’m 26 and he’s 25. He dumped his ex gf after a 6 yrs story and eventually asked me out. While she NEVER left us alone to live our story peacefully, he looked really into me. He always made comparisons, “to show me I was better than anyone, his ex included”, always saying I was the woman of his life, looked for a flat for us, bought me a ring, calling me wifey, planning to move abroad together…
On my part I was sooo in love with him but very jealous and kind of possessive. Fact is I have never been lucky with friends or love interests, so he soon became my aid. I was scared as hell of losing him so I became insecure and possessive and people always pointed this out to him. That’s when he started to distance himself.
He got to the point to say he couldn’t see a future with me anymore, I had such big flaws, but it’s wasn’t my fault, he just shouldn’t have gotten into a new relationship after a long one, without taking some time for himself. He also kept saying “Maybe someday we will start again…”. This happened late may.
I begged and cried, replied to any of his texts after the break up…I’ve always been there.
During july we started seeing each other again kind of secretly. He told me he booked the flight for London with his brother, and that he still didn’t want a relationship. He had dreamt me, had thought about me, but he was also happy to feel free and he could go on for years. But he tried to have sex with me and he succeded once. Any further time I refused and he kept saying “things could get fixed…just not now”. Lat time I saw him started with him being jealous of a friend of mine, saying he didn’t want me to be with anybody else, he wanted to be the only one driving me crazy, and ended with me asking if his family knew we were going out again and he said no because he didn’t want them to ask, and soon we started fighting again. I got home and texted him I was sorry and suggested to keep seeing each other till his departure, and let time and distance make us strangers or a couple. He replied “Ok we’ll see. See you soon”.
He disappeared. HE FORCED ME INTO NC! He never asked me out again, he kept going out with his friends (girls included) any day, he started making out with anyone available (included so-called friends of mine). When I found this out I texted him calling him b**ch. I know I shouldn’t have but, Chris, I was sooo angry, so hurt, he first tried to justify then said “I’m single and I just having a little bit of fun, not making kids around”, and when I told him he deserves his little ******, not one like me, he said bye.
Two more weeks passed. I didn’t contact him anymore (finally).
Now…what should I do? (two weeks and he flies to London…)

Jenna Stenderup

September 11, 2013 at 9:07 pm

In short, my question is this: Is it worth attempting to get back an ex who claims “that he just can’t get there” with me (assuming there means “being in love”). He told me directly that I’m everything he is looking for in a girlfriend but he just doesn’t feel a “strong connection”. Things devolved from blissful to completely over in a matter of two days.

From a male perspective, when a guy tells you point blank it’s not love, though his actions speak otherwise- requesting to see me every day, proposing we move in together, buying me flowers and constantly affectionate- should you just accept it at face value and move on?

Some background-
-Dating 6 months. I was very hands-off, letting him initiate defining the relationship.
– Several times commented he was having trouble feeling a “close connection” with me.
-In June told me he was moving home (several states away) for a job opportunity and to be closer to family, but ultimately decided he wanted to stay here to be with me after introducing me to his friends and family in his home town.
-A month later I expressed I needed reassurance that he wouldn’t unexpectedly tell me he might up and move like he had done two months before. I told him I cared about him very much and his response was “ I can’t promise you that, it’s not like I’m in love with you or anything.”
-The following day he apologized for what he had said and said that I’m everything he is looking for in a girlfriend, but it was best to split now because our feelings are not on the same level. He was very resolute in his decision.

I accepted the breakup, though I told him I thought he was making a mistake. I was in minimal contact (1 text, 1 phone call to coordinate exchanging belongings) the first two weeks, and strict no contact since picking up my things 10 days ago. It’s been a month since the break up and he’s made no attempt to initiate contact. Am I deluding myself thinking that there might be something there?
admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:49 am

To me he is just saying that he has feelings for you but you aren’t giving him everything he needs.

YOU ARE capable of giving him what he needs but to him you just didn’t. So, you have to prove to him you can give him what he needs
Anastasia

September 3, 2013 at 5:06 am

Hi chris,
my boyfriend (of 4 yrs) and I broke up 5 days ago but the problem is I still see him sometimes because we go to the same college. I waited for him to contact me first and tonight he did but the conversation was really stiff and formal. Should I try not contacting him for a month? and also I have some stuff of his to return like hoodies he gave me. Is there a strategic time to do that? should I give back the necklace he gave me? because I’ll never wear it and i probably couldn’t stand to get rid of it. Does the no contact rule work on almost every type of guy? because I feel like he would take it as lack of interest and move on. sorry for all the questions but no one I know has ever successfully recovered a relationship
admin

September 3, 2013 at 6:11 pm

I would return the stuff asap.

I would also recommend the NC rule. I can’t say that it will work 100% of the time on guys b/c that would be a lie. I will say though that it is one of the most successful tactics that I have seen work.

You might want to check out the success section of this website: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/success-stories/
admin

August 27, 2013 at 4:00 am

I think you should finish out the next two weeks in no contact, then you should text him and work your way back into his good graces/get him chasing you.
Violetta

August 28, 2013 at 12:44 pm

He just texted me:
“Hey! I wanted to tell you, since I’m leaving next monday, and seen all you’ve said to me, I wanted to know if I can say goodbye to you”

Now…what should I do?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 3:41 am

Well, this is a tough one isn’t it. I think maybe you can break NC in this case.
Violetta

August 29, 2013 at 9:40 am

Yeah 🙁 I think I’ll reply something like: Hey! I know and I’m sorry for my words. I said what you’d have told me if I dumped you and then tried to make out with (his best friend). Here, should I say something like “It’s gone now. Over it.”? (as a reverse psychology trick. I’m not over him and what he did at all…)

Then I’ll add: Yes you’re leaving soon. If you wanna say goodbye, you know where I live…
If he really comes how should I act with him face to face?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 5:52 pm

Not a bad play. Try it out and let me know how it goes.

Anonima

August 22, 2013 at 3:29 pm

21 days of second NC, broke it because of poor jusgment, tiredness and fever. I know you must be cringing because I only had 9 days to go, but done is done. He had asked on FB if anyone wanted to go with him to a concert and I thought “aw, why not”. I don’t know if I want him back anymore, but I want to be civil since we will run into each other every day for the next year and last time we saw each other was ridiculously childish with angrily ignoring each other. I don’t want that.
Anyway, he actually replied that he wouldn’t mind going with me and we texted for a while about silly stuff and it felt good. I was only being friendly like I would before we were dating. However, suddenly he decides that he feels “awful” and it’s not the day for being social, but “it took my yes to his invitation to realise that”. Do you have any idea what happened?
He told me to go anyway, I told him I’d rather stay home and be sick (one text), that he should just go (second text) and that that wasn’t supposed to sound angry (third text). No reply. I’m biting my fingers to refrain from the text gnatting. Is this a definite negative on my “account”?

I told you I don’t know if I want him back, but if I didn’t, this wouldn’t bother me.

Anonima

August 22, 2013 at 3:31 pm

Another thing: we agreed on being frienda before my 21 days of NC, so it should be socially acceptable to ask him to a concert.
admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:47 pm

I guess it should haha.

Brianna

August 22, 2013 at 3:14 am

ok , what if you want to do the NC rule but then are scared he will find someone else

admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:03 pm

Well, I cannot deny that, that is a possibility. However, it is a risk you are going to have to take. The alternative is begging him/spamming his phone. Oh, and I do think that if he were to get in a relationship during NC the chances are it would be a rebound.

Laneesha

August 21, 2013 at 4:32 pm

sooooo my ex texted me for the first time during my NC on Saturday, we havent spoken since the 1st so it had been 17 days of NC. I was shocked. He asked me to go to a movie, I didnt answer for a while since I was out but I eventually said yes. So we met at a sushi place and made small talk then saw the movie. It was fine, there was no anger or anything being spewed and no arguing. He commented that I seemed different lol..well I am. He lives around the block from me so clearly we could run into one another at anytime, I know I am not supposed to hang with him or anything but honestly I felt nada. I love him of course but if nothing changes between us then I wouldnt wanna be with him again. I am gonna go back on NC as I am supposed to. If he contacts me, depending on what it is, I will ignore him. He has some of my things at his house and I have a lot of his stuff at mine so he could ask for the items back at any moment. I think since we didnt speak very much as it was before I started this program that it has been easy for me not to contact him at all. I never really had the urge too. But clearly when he invited me to the movie I pondered it and knew I am ok enough to see him without coming off as needy and bringing up getting back together. I am not even sure I want him back anymore to be honest but who knows what will happen. I am enjoying single life right now. Less dramatic then the last 6 months of our relationship I tell ya that much lol

admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:36 am

Awesome you got a date!

I think you should just complete your NC and then you are set up well too text him after it.
Laneesha

August 27, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Hi it’s me again lol..so my ex happenened to be giving me advice on a legal matter when we were together and I got some legal docs in the mail last week that related to that matter. I didnt know what to do so I called and left him a message about it and he called me back the next day. He told me to bring the docs to his house although he wasnt home and he would handle it. I said ok. He then told me about a cool bird that he saw out in the country where he was and said he had a pic of it on his instagram (I do not follow him but when he created an account, it notified me since we are friends on fb.) I said I would look at it. Then he said if anything like this comes up again, for me not to hesitate to contact him. Hearing him talk made me miss him! lol anyways I am back to LC (only due to this legal stuff) but I have kept it strictly business like. Thanks for all of your help!
admin

August 28, 2013 at 3:46 am

Thanks for the update!

ash

August 21, 2013 at 3:13 pm

hey chris…
this is what happened..
3 yr of relationship..studied in the same college…after col he moved to a new city for work…we have both good and ad times in our relationship but mostly good..and iam very sure of his love for me..long distance relationship and me losing my patience ended up in this bitter way…i fought for trivial issues..he explained every time i fought but the recent one where everything went out of my control i said a few hurtful thing because i wanted his attention (wish i knew abt ur site before i did what is nt supp to be done..nagged him for attention) he lost his cool and said ‘we are done forever..we are not meant to be’ and never replied to any of my “continour msgs” after that…i was upset until i found ur website now iam in my NC and its day 6 …i still believe in it because i feel i realized where i went wrong and i knw it can be healed also his words don make me feel like he doesn love me or dat sorts it was more out of a desperate escape mechanism from my nagging!! do u think i still stand a chance? do u think NC will work here?? i knw i hurt him a lot..more than him coming back to me i want him to know i never said anything on purpose deep inside i missed him and slowly turned into anger:( if he still loved me he will want me back and i thought NC will work..what do u think i shoudl do to solve this?

admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:27 am

Hello!

I have found NC is the best way to improve your chances at getting an ex back. No, it is not a perfect science and you aren’t guaranteed to succeed but I have had the most success with it.

M.M

August 21, 2013 at 1:59 pm

Hello,
I’m a 20 years old girl from North Africa, but just moved to middle Europe. I just found your website yesterday …I spent my night reading it .. I just love it … You’re the best 🙂
I know this is reaaally long, but pls read it till the end 🙂

So here is my story: (I hope you won’t think I’m some sort of psycho freak after reading this :P)

Last year I went through some really harsh times, I had so many issues and I had no one close to could talk to about the things that were going on in my life, I felt so sad and so lonely . And instead of going to a psychologist, I decided to sign up on a dating base .. I created a profile with a singer’s picture (not a known singer) and a fake name, now I know that it was all so wrong, but then I was so blinded by my loneliness … just wanted to talk to people I didn’t know and that didn’t know me and be able to get out everything I had in my heart without worrying about people feeling bad/sorry about me or looking at me in some weird way . I had no intent on meeting those people face to face … and I specified that in every conversation I started …I told every person clearly that I just needed someone to talk to for a while, and I didn’t use an other person’s picture cause I don’t like how I look (I’m totally fine with how I look)it’s just cause many of my family and friends had an account on that dating base ( I know, it was so stupid )

(here the trouble begins) 5 months ago I met a guy on that site(let’s call him S) , he lived in an other country, we started talking once in a while .. and then more often … and then every day … and then for hours everyday .. then we exchanged phone numbers, and we would were texting or calling each other all the time. The think is all I told him about my life, family, friends, issues … everything was real .. But I didn’t tell him that the picture on the site we met wasn’t mine or that the name wasn’t my name either…

At first I didn’t really care ..cause it was just some guy I was talking to and I never thought I would want to meet or to be with ( and vice versa) …But after getting to know how he really was .. I realized that we had many things in common and that we really connected .. so the unthinkable happened .. I started having feelings for S and him too ….
Then my dad got a job in S’s country .. so I told S that I’m maybe moving to his coutry .. he said he wanted to go out when I’ll be there and he started making planes … Since it was the same country but not the same city, he said he was gonna visit me in November … and I was feeling so bad about the whole situation …I was suffering every single day … I wanted to tell him so bad about everything .. but I just didn’t know how or what to say 🙁 and I really din’t want to loose him ..
I spent so many night trying to figure out a way … writing letters .. but I just didn’t have the strength to tell him …
( you’re probably thinking can it get worse?? … yes it can.. )I tried to make it better, or in other words getting him ready for the truth, by sending him real pictures of me and my real name by saying that, she was a cousin of mine …. I know this was such an idiot idea and that I should have told him the truth as soon as possible … but I was still waiting for ‘the perfect opportunity’..

Now the big problem is that, he found out, he found that picture on another site, some other girl was using it, so he sent me the picture and asked for explanations. So I just opened my heart and told him all the truth .. by insisting on the fact that I really had strong feelings for him, and That I tried to tell him, but I couldn’t cause I didn’t want to loose him .. and that I’m not like that … but He just didn’t want to hear it, he said he was really hurt, disappointed, and that he couldn’t believe I did that to him (which I totally understood)and that he could cry how much he loved me and trusted me … I didn’t hear of him for 2 days … then I added him on Skype ( I was surprised that he accepted me) then we talked, and He said that he didn’t want to loose me cause I was a great person and that I really understand him, but he only wants us to be friends and that he still wanted to see me in November. I tried to apologize, say how sorry I was, that I really want to be more that friends .. I begged him and told him that we’re right for each other.. but nothing … he just wanted to be friends .

This all happened about 2 weeks ago. And a week ago I moved to his country, and now more that ever I really really want to be with him.

But the other problem is, that he started dating an old friend of his. He already talked to me about that girl, how she loved him, but he didn’t have feelings for her and he didn’t see a future with her. But the last weekend they traveled together, and he told me that she kissed him and he doesn’t really know how he feels. He told me that he is seeing her again this weekend and that maybe he is taking her home to see his mom.
One last thing, even if he said he wanted to be friends, I notices that if I’m online on skype I’m always the 1st one to talk, and if I don’t call or text him .. he doesn’t talk to me, and when we start talking, we talk for like 10 minutes then he tells me that he has to go, knowing that before we would talk for hours , and that he would prefer talking to me that going out with his friends (even if I would tell him to go) …

I know that I lied to him and that was so wrong. And I know it’s all my fault.. I messed up so bad … . What I did was so selfish, childish and I would do anything to fix it.
I totally understand how he feels… and I really want him back … I want what we had back …
I want to be more than friends.
Do you think I have a chance of winning his heart back? If I do have a chance what should I do? would you recommend me the 30 days NC? And is his relationship with the other girl a ‘rebound’?
I know that those are many questions, but could you pls answer me, As you may have noticed …I’m so desperate, and so depressed and sad and lost ….
So I hope that you’ll answer me. I could really use your help 🙂

admin

August 22, 2013 at 4:04 am

Of course you have a chance, that doesn’t mean you will get him back but you have a chance certainly.

NC I do recommend.

Have you read my rebound page? You can figure out a lot about rebounds there.

I also just released Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (now you do have to pay for it) but that pretty much lays out my whole process step by step. If its not your thing no problem, I am still around to answer your questions.

Joan

August 21, 2013 at 11:23 am

Hi Chris!

I’m an avid reader of your posts :)As I wrote in another comment I wish I’d found about your blog a while ago. However now I’m past wishing my ex comes back to me as he’s found a new gf (I don’t know if it’s a rebound and I don’t want to wait for finding it out), and I’m in the process of moving on too. But I’m afraid of doing the same mistakes I did when I was in the relationship that caused him to fall out of love with me maybe. I know that the actual reason was that I was too much of a nagger sometimes and I was hard to please most of the time. What I want to say is, would you consider writing about the mistakes girls do when they start dating and during a relationship. Frankly, I would look forward to reading it. Thanks 😉

admin

August 22, 2013 at 2:48 am

Absolutely I will! I will work on it tomorrow and hopefully have it done by next week (I want to do a good job.) In the meantime have you read my guide about understanding men? That is a good read.

Joan, I know you don’t want your ex back but I came out with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO today. It has some pretty good insight into the male mind. So, you might want to read that in the meantime. Your choice no pressure. I will still be around to answer everything.

estefaniah

August 21, 2013 at 4:10 am

So I have been following your advice from all your columns. My one major thing is, the whole NC rule. I followed it for about 2 weeks then my ex messaged me. The reason why I responded was because it was the 2nd message he sent, and it was me who broke it off to begin with.

I followed your “Texting your ex” advice and it’s worked quite successfully to the point that we were able to talk after a week over the phone, just to catch up. He’s seeing I’m doing a lot better and that I’m happier and that I’m following my dreams.

My question is, did i break the NC rule too soon? We are in a LDR, so I felt like it was the right time, especially since I’m moving overseas. He lives out there in the UK, but 5 hours away. I just thought that bringing back contact and establishing contact and building something substantial would be beneficial. Is that wrong of me? I followed everything else perfectly (especially the texting part), it’s just the NC I changed because of the circumstance him and I are in.

Please advise. Thank you!

admin

August 22, 2013 at 1:27 am

I would have actually stayed in NC a little bit longer. I should have really driven that point home a little bit more. However, it seems you are getting positive responses so that is fantastic!

If you are wondering, I came out with an E-Book today called Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO it should give you a better idea on how to approach the texting portion of your conversations with your ex.
estefaniah

August 22, 2013 at 5:37 am

I’m gonna implement the NC again since there hasn’t been any real contact for a few days now. Does that mean I just reset and start over with the 30 days? The only reason why I’m asking is because I’ll be in the UK in 4 weeks and he lives out there and I’m hoping he’ll be there at the airport when I get there.
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:37 pm

I would say yes, reset with the 30 days.

Amanda

August 20, 2013 at 9:34 pm

My ex broke it off because he moving across the country for an indefinite period of time (in the 2-3 month range) to work on his business. He messaged once to say he wasn’t coming back soon (he was contemplating coming back after only one month). I didn’t reply since i was in NC and my impression was that he was fishing to see if I’d react negatively. I messaged after NC a couple of weeks later about a fun memory of us, he was friendly, asked how I was, I replied and we chatted a little bit then I ended the convo saying I’d love to hear more about how it’s going some time. No contact since then (2.5 weeks ago) except for him liking my FB photos and commenting that I look beautiful in one. I know he has been busy and came back from a trip, but I feel like I shouldn’t be the one contacting him. I have the impression the rest of the people in his life are feeding his ego and I don’t want to do that. I don’t know when he’s officially coming back and I don’t want to ask. I know he will tell me when he is (and if he doesn’t, he mustn’t like me!). However, your other posts make it sound like I should contact him. What should I do?

admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:58 am

You are right, he should be the one contacting you.

Question though, does he usually initiate the conversation first when you were dating or did you have to do it?
Amanda

August 21, 2013 at 1:26 pm

He pretty much always initiated communication. I’m just really confused because we didn’t break up because the relationship was bad (it was great!) it was the life circumstances.

I got the impression that this move home for awhile meant he wasn’t in a place to date, and also I feel like he psyched himself out in the relationship- he was the one who was seeing all of this long-term potential, and I think he freaked out and put on the breaks because it happened the second we started to get closer. The classic “pull away to re-establish independence” thing. I didn’t push for anything serious at all!

So I should sit here and hope he messages (obviously I’m not literally sitting around)? This all seems really stupid (not your advice, my situation! it shouldn’t be like this!).
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:14 am

Let it out. I say it is perfectly normal to be angry at everything and everyone for a few days. Definteily DO NOT sit around. You look to go out there and make him regret his decision to break up with you. It actually is nice to hear you had a good relationship. That means it will be easier to possibly get him back.
Amanda

August 22, 2013 at 12:54 pm

Okay, does that mean I shouldn’t contact him? Message him something fun? Disappear? Post things on fb about the fabulous things I’m doing (I did that a bit a few weeks ago, but I thought anymore might be excessive)? I need a cute male friend to take pics with! 🙂 🙂
admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:34 pm

I wouldn’t contact him. I would more focus on YOU. Try to become a better/hotter/sweeter/more awesome version of yourself. You can contact him a few weeks down the road.

Ms. S

August 20, 2013 at 6:05 am

good grief this is a long one! looking forward to the read. 🙂

admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:07 am

It is a long one. However, I am finding that the longer my posts become the more helpful they are. But yes, they are long hahaha.

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