Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back

542 thoughts on “Common Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back”

Paula

March 6, 2015 at 8:28 am

My ex and I are together for 5 years and we agreed to be friends but I keep fighting with him because he’s so confusing about the reasons of our break up. He told me he doesn’t want to be friends and I said okay. I’m currently doing NC. Do you think I have a chance getting him back? Should I say sorry for fighting with him after NC?
Briana

March 5, 2015 at 3:29 am

Hello my boyfriend an I broke up 2 months ago, we were in a long distance relationship, because he is taking some courses outside the country. We were in a relationship of 2 and a half years. When he left he started ignoring me, until we broke up. DISTANCE TORE US APART. He broke up with me, telling me it was to painful to be in a long distance relationship. He started contacting me once in a week after the break up, until I told him to please to stop contacting me. He hasnt text me for almost 2 weeks now. Im really worried about he moving on, and not wanting to contact me anymore, since i told him not to do it. Please help, he is coming back home in 3 months.
Cat

March 2, 2015 at 6:04 pm

So i screwed up and slept with him after we decided to take things slow and start over as friends this time. I pushed myself on him after drinking too much and he basically gave in. He was very guarded during and it was different then before, he wouldn’t even kiss me. I don’t know what to do now. Should I apologize or do a straight NC? The next morning when he left he gave me a hug, no kiss and then I sent him a text later that day just saying I had fun hanging out and he replied hours later saying he had fun too, but that was all. I never replied and its been 2 days since that. i don’t want to text him and say sorry for crossing the line if it won’t help. I don’t know what to do now!! Ugh help!!

admin

March 2, 2015 at 10:14 pm

Do straight NC.
Cat

March 2, 2015 at 10:19 pm

Ok will do!! Thank you

Bri

February 24, 2015 at 8:14 pm

So I just realized that I did the ultimate no-no ultimatum on a commitment-phobe “Your window of opportunity is closing, use it or lose it”. On top of that was told he was walking away because I was being too clingy. It’s been 3 days no contact, and now I’m mildly concerned since you said to apologize for the ultimatum before no contact. Should I just keep going at this point? Or should I apologize and go back to step 1 while also risking being seen as clingy? I’m so confused.

admin

February 24, 2015 at 10:01 pm

Yes, finish out the 30 days.

...

February 18, 2015 at 2:47 pm

I am getting so desperate and bummed and really want this to end with my LDR ex or know if I should keep hope.

Its been 32 days of NC and he hasn’t reached out. We’re LDR & have no mutual friends and he has no FB (he’ll be 31 in March). We broke up 16mo ago and have been on-off talking since, early days of re-contact were initiated by me (per your rec!) and the last 3x he broke the silence and we resumed contact. Back in Dec we’d even spoken of him visiting me in NYC (my city at the time) but then he told me he couldn’t make it (it was a last minute deal) and that made me feel like he had me on a yo-yo again so I flipped and said we shouldn’t talk any more, thus an 11day NC started. He broke that by sending me a funny picture text and after I responded with LOL he sent me a funny link, and after me LOL’ing and telling him I’d moved to his state with family he sent me a recorded Prank Call. Then he went silent. I sent him several light hearted texts and when I asked why he was ignoring me and he said “its over” because “its not meant to be”.

I want to know if he got a new GF and want to text him and ask so I don’t keep hoping while he has already started anew.

Should I text him, “I understand you saying ‘its not meant to be’ but I am curious if you’ve started seeing someone new?”

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:59 pm

Ok, I feel like a broken record today.

It’s ok for you to reach out AFTER NC and keep the ball rolling.
...

February 19, 2015 at 3:18 am

Sorry for the record :/ I just don’t want to reach out if he’ll ignore me again. I checked out your “when should you move on” page and find that there are more than the recommended “factor of 3”.
(1) No contact after no contact – he broke the silence after I initiated it but then suddenly ignored me
(2) Negative text message: When I asked why he was ignoring me he said “its over”
(3) “I dont want you”: He sent me the “its over” text after 4 hours, not exactly a heat of the moment incidence.
(4) Fallout from previous: We would get on great but then it would seem like he was playing games/not interested in seeing me and I’d flip and suggest we not see each other.

With all that considered, do you really think theres hope?
...

February 19, 2015 at 2:06 pm

*Correction:
(3) “I don’t want you”: He sent me the “Its over” text after 21hrs and then texted “It’s not meant to be” 4 hrs later.

I am having trouble deciphering if this is a chance for me to (1) Grow up & not chase a guy that has clearly expressed he doesn’t care for a relationship w/ me or if (2) This is an example of me needing to put my neck on the line for the better (maybe a grand gesture in the form of a playful text (sending him a link for last night’s super moon that will cause high tides over the next week)
...

February 19, 2015 at 6:46 pm

If you think that its worth me putting my neck on the line I could text him that link or send him a picture of a musician he introduced me to while we were together that is playing at a music fest in his city this year. I plan on going to see him this year but wouldn’t tell my ex that, only send the musician’s picture and something about the fest (if it wouldn’t be too personal).

What do you think: I need to move on or send him playful texts?

Kayla Love

February 16, 2015 at 9:47 pm

Hey, so umm say you and your ex start back dating? When is a good time to start having sex again?
Kay

February 3, 2015 at 11:59 am

What do you think of this… We broke up 3 months ago after 5 years together and just a few months after moving into our first home. He still loves me but we lost that spark. I’m his best friend.
Because we have had to deal with dividing assets and the condo, we have had to maintain contact. I’m still in contact with his family. His family was devastated.
He has turned very flirtatious, asking me to come over, etc. I said no outright, but he wants to cuddle. He misses it he says. Our mutual friends say they can tell he misses me.
Is this still salvageable? Is it too late to implement the no contact rule or have ii lost my window of opportunity?
Help
GIGIBYOUT

February 2, 2015 at 11:18 pm

What now… So I finished my 30 days NC and my ex actually reached out to me wanting to talk. Of course I agreed thinking We were just going to catch up. So when We met up he told me he was very proud of my progress and he could see some changes in me that he really likes. He said I was his best friend and even said he was considering getting back with me because he really loves me, and so our kids can have a two parent home because he misses them like crazy when he leaves. He also added that We just needed time, so he can see that my improvements are permenent instead of temporary. What he said suprised me but at the same time I was thinking your still in a relationship with this other Girl, so naturally what effort are you going to be able to put in to show me your serious if your with her still. Anyway, I can’t help but think he’s trying to string me along so I don’t move on. But then he said he’s scared to come back and possibly be disappointed that things go back to how they use to be. I assured him that he’s never not been able to trust me because I’m a person of my word. I told him that he has to trust me and I will trust him, I’m not going to hurt him or mess things up if he wants to make things work. He dumped me just so you know…But I promised that I would put all my effort in if he promises to do the same…. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but my emotions are in check and I’m happy and living my life, but I do miss him and hope he comes back. That conversation went and ended great, so I think he could be thinking more about me. I just hope he leaves her and comes back ready to make things work and completely leave her alone. What do you think??

admin

February 3, 2015 at 1:20 pm

Your problem was that no attraction was built before you met up.
GIGIBYOUT

February 3, 2015 at 2:53 pm

Ok. But do you think there’s a chance that he will come back if I do that??
admin

February 4, 2015 at 1:53 pm

I think it will raise your chances for sure!

Jamie

January 30, 2015 at 6:28 pm

Suggestions on how to win him back after breaking off our engagement a few months ago?

We were together for three years, engaged for a year, and I broke things off. Now after trying to win him back, and being honest and answering his question if i had slept with someone else (after the split), (although he has done the same.) he had agree to focus on just us, and not talk/date/sleep with anyone else, then we get into a huge fight about the breaking off the engagement and now he is extremely hesitant, angry and sad, and thought perhaps I left him for this guy. (which i did not) and tells me he doesn’t know if he wants to work on things.

We talk every day (phone and text), but I do feel like I’m trying harder than him, and are both equally to blame for the status of where we were. I’m struggling with putting my ego to the side, for the relationship. Interestingly enough he has asked me for a plan to fix it, and he wants grand gestures!?!

admin

January 31, 2015 at 3:34 pm

Slap him…

No just kidding don’t do that.

He probably got freaked out by the commitment of marriage don’t you think?
Jamie

January 31, 2015 at 10:39 pm

Thanks for the response!

You may be right 🙂 I saw him today, on accident, ran into him at the gym.. on second thought, he always knows I’m at this gym at the same time every saturday to do our weekly run before the workout. Anywho, he was nice, hugged me, and I kept the convo brief. Focusing on meeting up with my friends who were waiting. When i got back, he was waiting, and said he waited to try to say bye to me, I was so distracted with regaining my energy after the 5 mile run, that I was brief again, again, he hugged me.

I’ve laid it all out on the table for him, if he wants me, he can come right over, but I’m not going to stop my life, and not focus on getting my shit together just because he is afraid of commitment. JOIN THE CLUB. Lets be scared together i say. any who..Hopefully he comes around soon.

annnndd let me know if I’m completely off base lol 🙂
admin

February 2, 2015 at 1:48 pm

No I think you are right on base!!!

Izzy

January 30, 2015 at 10:10 am

Hey Chris
I managed to complete my NC period and me and my ex were talking often. He started showing signs that he cares. Until I posted something on Facebook which he took in the wrong way. I would think he thought I was mocking him. So then he blocked me and he is angr . So what do I do? I feel like I’ve taken ten steps back

Izzy

January 31, 2015 at 5:35 am

He posted that he was worried about his trial. So I posted “south africas justice system is kind. They’ll let you off easy #no_worries” I even added that I was feeling positive. I didn’t tag him. So he read it an got pissed. The irony of it all is that they did let him of easy. I found out on the news yesterday. He shot a school bully three years ago. So I was supporting him whenever he lost hope.
admin

January 30, 2015 at 4:46 pm

What did you post on Facebook that he took the wrong way?

carol

January 27, 2015 at 10:56 pm

hi, i broke up with him because he didnt tell me that he has a month relationship? he cheated on me. we’re two years in a relation before we broke up. that serves as a rebound relationship to him? he sounds happy with her the way i interpret their conversation. thanks. but is there any chances to get him back again? i made a mistakes. i was begging him and pled to come back. i am on the 2nd day of NC.

admin

January 28, 2015 at 4:23 pm

Well, I am glad you went right into NC… that was the right play.

It is still very early but good job.

Kalin

January 23, 2015 at 2:22 pm

Hey Chris,
My Ex and I dated for four years. Throughout the last 6 months of our relationship he was talking to the girl he’s dating now. He basically chose her over me. I went over the other night and asked him if he cheated on me with her, he said they had never had sex. He told me he loved her more than he loved me and that he was always happy to see her coming and hated seeing her leave, he never hated to see me leave. He also said she makes him laugh and I only did that sometimes. After all of the telling me how he loved her he had sex with me. I feel like this girl is a phase. Do I have a chance?
Anjaynith

January 23, 2015 at 2:43 am

Hi Chris,

Me & my boyfriend have been together for a year.He’s 8 years younger than me,Im his 1st gf. Everything was really great, I know he loves me so much, there was nothing he won’t do for me, and everyday we always hang out.His family & friends will say that his whole world seems to revolve around me. Honestly I think I was a little bit of a high maintenance girl as you’ve mentioned (I’m hoping I can work it out). Controlling a little bit, but I don’t stop him on having fun or going out, only if I think it wold do no good on him. We broke last month because we had a fight, it was me who broke up with him. Within that whole month I tried everything to reach out, text him, call him, I even planned an apology surprise for him, send him foods & letters. No response. NOw I wanted to do the no contact, Im just curious if it Will work even or younger guy,I mean though I was a bit controlling & high maintenance before?HE unfriend me on facebook, and his cousins told me that he has a new girl as his phone wallpaper, and his friends told me that before we broke up he gave a girl a gift,,, Please help me. I got a feeling that his mom got something to do with these also.

admin

January 23, 2015 at 4:26 pm

8 year age difference usually shouldnt matter if the two people are older.

However, how old was he?
Shara

January 26, 2015 at 3:03 am

he’s still 15

marcie ciancio

January 13, 2015 at 1:21 am

The guy I’ve been dating for three years just told me he doesn’t see us as long term. He states that we need to make an end date. It is January, he decided June was good. After his medical procedure and after I help him move. ?? To late for us??

admin

January 19, 2015 at 3:36 pm

Did he give you any reason why he didn’t see you two long term?

Amanda

December 30, 2014 at 12:26 am

My boyfriend and I just split, he left me and kicked me to the curb. Reasoning being inappropriate conversations with my best friend guy friend. Publicity putting our life on Facebook. We just moved in together in a home 3 months ago but he asked me to get my bed and clothes and go back to my parents that it would be for the best right now. He keeps saying he needs space, what is a good amount of space to give?

admin

January 5, 2015 at 2:36 pm

Question, what kind of inappropriate conversations with your best guy friend?

Claire

October 28, 2014 at 9:04 pm

Hi Chris,

I would like you to give me your opinion in my story,

My boyfriend and me broke up a few months ago. We had been together for almost 4 years. He suddenly changed his attitude from a nice boyfriend to showing no faith in the relationship. He never explain the reasons for changing, just once he mentioned we should have moved forward in the relationship. After we broke up I implemented the NC rule twice and he always came back to me during the NC. We have been meeting regularly as friends and lately things were better between us, even last time we saw each other something happened between us. Before anything happened he said he was not thinking in coming back and he did not want to make a mistake but he said he likes to spend time with me and he loves me. I agreed to that and we are now meeting again as friends. Sometimes it seems that he does not want to get involved in something. Should I move on or try to get him back?

admin

October 29, 2014 at 2:38 pm

Let me get this straight… He is coming back but not committing?
Claire

October 29, 2014 at 6:17 pm

Basically he never left, he has always been there. If he does not know anything about me for a while or I am in the NC, he finds an excuse to text me back or he appears with my friends etc but he told me the other day he was not thinking in getting back together

Cara

September 7, 2014 at 1:02 am

Our situation is a little weird–my guy of 8 months left me about a month ago. In that short time, we became quite emotionally serious, and were both engaged in making plans for the future. We had been apart for three months for summer programs in different countries. This was a strain given that his last girlfriend cheated on him for several months and went radio silent on him when they were long-distance, leaving him very insecure. However, what ended the relationship was the terrible news that his ex’s cancer was terminal. He felt a lot of grief, since he still loves her very much as someone who’s been very important in his life. He also started to feel a lot of anxiety about being close to me because he was afraid that I could die, and he felt guilt over his ex (not sure what this means–guilt at not being able to help with illness? over being a not-ideal bf? not sure). He started to feel that being in love was stupid; it made him feel angry, afraid, even disgusted, and he felt worse the closer we were to each other. He also said that he could no longer think about the future, that there was no orientation for him anymore, only movement. He said that we had incompatible needs, and he needed to be alone.

He invited me to contact him as I was healing from the breakup and I made a lot of mistakes–sent him a lot of emails etc. Most are reflecting on my process and our relationship, but some are as bad as it can get, I-love-you-I-hope-you-come-back….ughhhhh.

We Skyped two weeks ago, and it was really warm and loving. Then we went to dinner when we were both in town (he has now left the country again for most of the fall), and he was so cold–huge emotional turnaround. I was really upset by this, and called him the next day begging him to stay. He says he misses me; however, he was contemptuous and dismissive, which I understand is not because he doesn’t care about me. But I still found it hurtful and disrespectful. He said we could talk in October when he’s back in the country for a few days, but it would be best for my healing if we didn’t speak for a time. I decided not to reach out for a month.

Have I ruined everything? I so want to find a way to be with him during this hard time for him, and I really think we can do it, maybe with some counseling for both of us…definitely for me. I love him so much. I guess that if it’s really not good for him to be with me, I can accept that…I don’t know. What do you think?

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:06 pm

No not everything. Don’t reach out for a month like you said in your comment.

I think he is still stuck on his ex a bit and the pain that went along with that relationship.

Kay

September 6, 2014 at 3:10 am

My ex and I just broke up two weeks ago. He said he was in a funk as wanted to be alone and had to focus on himself. We have been friends for 6 years, off and on saw each other for 3 and had been together and commited for the past year. Everything was wonderful, he said he was so in love with me, no one has ever treated him the way I do, we literally never argued, it was honestly the most ideal, loving and healthy relationship I’ve ever had. I do not know what to do because he has all of these excuses now. “I need to be alone”, “I don’t want the responsibility of a relationship” “I’m scared of the future” “You aren’t the one” etc. It’s like every time he says one excuse and I explain that I know he’s not being honest, he changes it. He’s a very honest and kind person so I’m not getting this at all. 6 months ago, he did this and we broke up for a month and it ended up being that he was just afraid to get hurt and afraid to be vulnerable. He tells me all the time how great I am and how thankful he is for me and how much he loves me. There is NO reason for us to be broken up because we hVe no problems other than him communicating his feelings, which he had been doing so great with! Any insight or advice as to what I am supposed to do would be great. I miss him and miss “us”

admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:43 pm

Did you sense that you were in a funk as well?

amy

September 4, 2014 at 4:28 pm

please help…

after dating for just under three yrs, living together for just over a yr of that. My bf left, at first he wanted time and space to be left alone I didn’t understand and made a lot of mistakes calling, texting and emailing..cried for weeks. this went on the first 4 weeks he was gone. then we started talking ok until we got into a fight over something started by someone else, he said we were over and he was done. I have 2 children or my own and he has three. He only took a few items when he left and all of his kids stuff, his stuff and his dog are still here. ive called and told him to take them and do something with the dog but then he starts visiting and talking more.. I stated again to do something with his dog and he said he would. my kids miss their step siblings. on the 26th of aug he text me saying I needed to let go in order for us to be able to be friends and in each others life. then that Friday night he came over late we sat and watched tv and ended up sleeping together. he left the next day to go to work and called asking if I could have his kids at my place if he didn’t get back in time.. I let this happen as I miss them like crazy, had them here for dinner they all said they miss it here and they all including him stayed overnight.. the kids know we were in the same bed, which scares me if hes not wanting to come back. so they left the next day and hes been coming over every day to visit for an hr or two but hasn’t stayed over night. part of me wants to ask him where things stand but a part of me is afraid im going to hear something I don’t want to. I love this man with all of my heart and would do anything for him or our 5 children. what should I do?

admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm

You may have to try some form of limited contact.

Pearl

September 4, 2014 at 1:52 pm

I got involved with a colleague at work, we have passion and chemistry but all of a sudden he’s pulling out saying he is not ready for any attachments. I have come to have feelings for him, how do i get him to commit. i work in the same place with him.

admin

September 5, 2014 at 11:59 am

Did he have signs of a commitmentphobe before you two become official? Or were you two ever official?

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542 thoughts on “Common Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back”