Decoding Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend - Based On Real Life Scenarios

599 thoughts on “Decoding The Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend”

Orchidea

January 16, 2020 at 7:56 pm

Kakistos is the superlative of the adjective kakos (κακος) which means bad/mean in Greek.

My story is simple. 5 year relationship from highschool, 2 years apart with sporadic contact(Now we are both 24). He says he loves me, he wants to go out with me and be friends. But he never actually puts in the effort. He doesn’t act like someone who really cares, even in a friendly way. What I don’t understand is why he wants to keep me at arm’s length. It doesn’t make much sense. Just for the story I would love to have him as a friend, he was my best friend after all. I would like your opinion as an expert.
Thanks for the article, Chris

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 16, 2020 at 8:14 pm

Hey there, so the fact he is telling you one thing and his actions are showing another, I am a big believer of actions speak louder than words. right now you need to work on being Ungettable and showing that other men are interested in you and that you are possibly dating someone else, this will either who he does not mean what he is saying, or will force him to take action if he wants to be with you

Adejumo damilola

January 13, 2020 at 3:55 pm

my Ex broke up with me for no reason, he said he loves me I’m special but he doesn’t want to waste my time, i know he loves me but I really don’t understand why he broke up with me, w had no quarrels, he just pulled out suddenly saying his busy with life and all

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 10:44 pm

Hey there go into a No Contact and work on yourself, the fact he has told you he loves you but is too busy for you right now shows that he does not value what you had at this point. Read about being Ungettable and what factors you need to add into your life to get your exes attention again

Ani

January 12, 2020 at 8:41 pm

Me and my ex were on and off for long time and apparently early in the year January 2019 when he broke up with me i asked if he has feelings for me and he said “no, they’re fading” and after few months we did get back together then broke up and stayed as friends. He left me in August because I kept pushing him away with saying how i know one day he will leave me and he decided to go because he thought it was best but also I have done some stupid things that has hurt him and I think he was thinking about those and he just wanted to leave so he did then i kept chasing him and he ended up coming back again and now here we are friends now but we have this relationship thing like fwb and he sees us as that but I don’t. I really love him and I don’t want him to go. I want to somehow trigger his feelings for me again but How? 🙁 and also yes, recently and even few months back he has been giving mixed signals and it sucks. What can I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 18, 2020 at 3:41 am

Hi Ani I think you need to work on your self confidence as there is a reason you are insecure enough to feel that he is going to leave you. Starting with that and completing a No Contact

Serah

October 4, 2019 at 7:54 pm

My ex boyfriend broke up with me and made it clear we don’t have a future together. We were together for 3 years and talked about kids and marriage. I’m doing no contact but we live together and nether of us have the finances to move out. Also he takes me back and forth to work because I can’t drive. I don’t have anyone else who can take me to work ether. ( Uber, Lyft, taxis are not an option, I’m very concerned with my safety). He doesn’t seem to be bothered about to taking me to work or picking me up… but the mixed he’s giving off are one minutes he rude to me (because I didn’t come home one night and he didn’t know if I needed a ride to work), The next minute he’s offering to buy my food/me food that he’s eating ( I decline nicely), then he’s lusting after women on social media. Then he’s purposely trying to talk to me about things that don’t concern me, or make small talk in the car. Im polite but I don’t say much back because I’m trying to stay in no contact. I don’t know what to do, I just want him back.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 4, 2019 at 9:49 pm

Hey Serah, so the first thing you need to do is No Contact and learn about what you need to do during that time to make yourself the best you possible. Read through some articles and get yourself used to how the program works. You keeping to Limited NC for a full 30 days and working on yourself before you reach out will give you your best chance of getting him back. IF you can sort out a way for you to get to and from work yourself going forward. he wanted be broken up, let him feel like its broken up.

Bradley

September 26, 2019 at 8:58 pm

Me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 5 months now. His birthday was in September and I reached out to him, expressed how I didn’t like how we ended and he agreed and said we should talk once he gets back in town and I agreed. A week after that he hits me up and asked if I was going to be at the bar tonight, I said no and we kinda left it at that. I then hit him up and asked if he wanted to go somewhere to talk and meet up he sounded really interested and agreed to but I haven’t heard anything from him since then and this was 2 weeks ago. It’s for sure a mixed signal, but why?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 26, 2019 at 9:53 pm

Hi Bradley, mixed signals is a difficult one where he may be struggling with the decision if he wants to see you or not. Sometimes they dont know how to deal with that emotionally so avoid the situation. If you want your ex back I do suggest reading the program and completing a NC and focusing on reaching out the way Chris suggests in articles and videos. I wouldnt reach out and ask for a meet up again unless you’ve worked up the value chain first.

Ami

September 13, 2019 at 2:14 pm

My girlfriend of a year broke up with me yesterday. Says she needs to work on herself. Says she don’t want to lose me that this just ain’t it. We live together. I told her I’m fine with the break up seen it coming she I’m perfect and I’ve really shown her how to be treated. She said she loves me but this just ain’t it. Still stops by my work to drop off something to me and trys to be slick and get a kiss then continues to make out with me and such, then when I get off work comes over to my place and still sleeps in my bed cuddles with me. I asked if this is gonna be confusing to her since she don’t know what she wants and she laughs in a cute way and says your funny. When she texts me she still off and on calls me babe and when she called me she did. I know she told her family that she told me this just isn’t it as well. But idk what to think or where to begin I really care about her and she swears she cares about me and that it’s not you it’s me famous line but I know it’s only been one day day two today and we will see how you acts when she wakes up but I need some advice here. She said let’s be friends and possibly we can rebuild and just all these mixed signs I really just feel like she’s playing me but at the same time I feel like she’s be honest idk.
Cece

September 2, 2019 at 6:12 pm

One minute my ex says he loves me and that life will never be the same… the next says our relationship was shitty and so was the break up. Lol. He’s the one that did the breaking up. What gives?
Lynn caputi

August 6, 2019 at 9:56 am

My fiance and I lived together fir 12 years with my 2 kids, left ny and moved to nc , broke up didn’t talk for a while ,then my daughter had a baby and called him so we were sort of pushed into each other’s lives again, ended up being best friends for 13 years. I met someone new got engaged. The became friends, he invited to a party at his house recently and while there him and I were talking he brought up our past which he refused to talk about all those years before, then said some mean things about how my life hasn’t improved any since I was with him even though he knows I am disabled. What is the point of this?
Shireen

July 8, 2019 at 8:06 am

My ex boyfriend is giving a lot of mixed signals he will stalk me on social media everyday & den suddenly he tells my frnd dat he wanna move on..he wanna stop stalking my profile bt he kept stalking me den all of a sudden he asks my frnds abt me asks dem to let him meet me bt as he got to knw dat I have blocked him frm everywhere he got hurt badly n blocked me back bt as he got to knw abt my accident he immediately unblocked n msged me n told me to take care of myself bt again he became cold n distance after some time..first he was saying after the breakup to my frnd dat he still loves me now he said he used to love me now he doesn’t love me anymore & said I was misunderstood I thought dat I still love her..he said dat him & I can never be together again he doesn’t want to come back in my life & said I’m happy widout him & dats gudd & den suddenly he will start complimenting my looks in my absence & again he will fully try to meet & talk to me..at first he was jealous as he got to knw dat a new guy is in my life as best frnd..& since after the breakup he’s showing like he’s having a secret relationship by his Instagram stories n his comments on his posts & when I congratulated him for having a new girlfriend he said I don’t have any girlfriend & I’m not gonna make any girlfriend..he cared for me a bit after knowing abt my accident bt again became cold n distant even if knowing abt my accident..he isn’t ready to forget wat I said to him after the breakup as I was hurt by him badly..he apologised to me for his mistakes bt he isn’t ready to forget my mistakes..once he said after the breakup dat he loves me bt only as bestie n he came in relationship only for my happiness den after some days he said I really loved her as my gf bt I can’t forget wat she said to me after breakup..I don’t knw wat the hell is happening wid me..I was doing NC Rule since 3-4 weeks n was being happy n trying to improve myself bt still there isn’t a bit improvement
Jennifer

May 8, 2019 at 7:25 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke things off a couple months ago and we dated for 2 years. We stopped contacting each other for two weeks but it got harder to ignore him and move on considering the fact that we go to the same college and always see each other around. He texted me weeks after our Break up just to “see how im doing” and i was being dry and he was really affectionate telling me he missed me or he’d text me after seeing him around campus telling me i looked beautiful and he sometimes texts me out of the blue and ends up telling me he wants to cuddle and that im still his and that he was secretly still committed to me,which left me extremely confused. Things were going well between us but just a couple of days ago he started texting me back hours after i would text him claiming hes been “busy” with work but yet everytime i see him around school he doesnt even bother to say hi or give me a hug and just looks the other way. He’s been really distant these past couple of days and it hurts me tremendously not knowing what he wants from me. I havent tried talking to him about it because i know its gonna be a waste of my time. Should i just give up and let him go or try and figure things out with him?
Anonymous

April 12, 2019 at 6:35 pm

Hi. My ex-boyfriend and I never actually broke up. Life circumstances drove us 1600 miles apart. Now, this was in the early 1990’s before today’s technology. We found each other again four years ago on facebook. We have been in contact ever since. He tells me that he never stopped loving me. And that for years, he would come home from the club, bar or wherever he was and would always hope that there was a message from me. He also tells me how much he misses me. Keep in mind, this is 29 years later. He has never married. He has no children. He has a fiance, which I had to pull this out of him with a pair of giant plyers, that he gave a ring to seven years ago, has not pulled the trigger. He says he loves me and wonders if I love him. He says he misses me and has never stopped loving me. When i mentioned during a recent phone conversation that i wanted to have one more child, he offered to knock me up. He told me he used to look at me a think about how beautiful our children would be because he thought I was so beautiful. He also has told me that if we had the technology then that we had today, we would still be togeather. He wants to meet up. After 29 years, I am not sure where the mixed signal is, but it must be here, somewhere. I continue to proceed with caution. Thank you for any insight you may have.
Amanda

August 31, 2018 at 2:34 am

Hi, thank you for writing this informative article!
I’m curious what you think of my situation:
I dated a guy for almost 5 months before we started a romantic relationship. He was in a non-monogamous relationship with his girlfriend with whom he has a 6-year old child. They seem to be staying together mostly for the child amd have been together 7 years. He seems unsatisfued with his relationship with her. They argue and he doesn’t seem to like having sex with her. They seem to be more like good friends that aren’t really in love anymore.
Anyway, while we were dating, we became good friends and he made me feel very comfortable during that time. Once we started a romantic relationship I fell pretty deeply in love with him quite quickly. He was still in a relationship with his other girlfriend and she became quite jealous after he expressed that he didn’t really want to keep being intimate with her but wanted to be more like friends that co-parented and lived together. They started to fight more and she got more and more jealous over the 3 months that we were in a romantic relationship. It fell apart after those 3 months because she kept threatening to leave him and take their child away if he didn’t continue a sexual relationship with her. This may sound kinda crazy, I know. But I fell so much in love and I am having trouble getting over him. He keeps contacting me and visiting me even though he broke up with me and returned to monogamy with his girlfriend to “save his family”. He doesn’t want to break up his family because he is worried it will hurt his child.
It has been about 3 months since we broke up. The last time I saw him (a couple weeks ago) he looked into my eyes for a long time, told me he loved me and started crying saying he doesn’t know what to do. Although I limit my communication and visits with him, he tries to be very affectionate with me when he sees me even though he is now supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend. He asks me if I’m seeing anyone every time he gets a chance. And he has asked me several times if we can get married one day (in a somewhat playful way). He doesn’t seem to want to be with his girlfriend forever but it seems he wants to wait until his daughter is a bit older. He seems confused about what to do.
I feel I have no choice but to let him go because I don’t know what he wants…

Chris Seiter

August 31, 2018 at 2:57 am

Thanks Amanda…glad you enjoyed it. So that was a pretty dramatic moment…looking into your eyes and confessing his feelings. But he has a girlfriend. Ummmmm. I would tell him the truth…you are confused by his actions and then move into no contact. I have lots of tools and resources that can help you thru it all.

Amy

August 30, 2018 at 9:04 pm

Thank you for writing this informative article!
I’m curious what you think of my situation:
I dated a guy for almost 5 months before we started a romantic relationship. He was in a non-monogamous relationship with his girlfriend with whom he has a 6-year old child. They seem to be staying together mostly for the child amd have been together 7 years. He seems unsatisfued with his relationship with her. They argue and he doesn’t seem to like having sex with her. They seem to be more like good friends that aren’t really in love anymore.
Anyway, while we were dating, we became good friends and he made me feel very comfortable during that time. Once we started a romantic relationship I fell pretty deeply in love with him quite quickly. He was still in a relationship with his other girlfriend and she became quite jealous after he expressed that he didn’t really want to keep being intimate with her but wanted to be more like friends that co-parented and lived together. They started to fight more and she got more and more jealous over the 3 months that we were in a romantic relationship. It fell apart after those 3 months because she kept threatening to leave him and take their child away if he didn’t continue a sexual relationship with her. This may sound kinda crazy, I know. But I fell so much in love and I am having trouble getting over him. He keeps contacting me and visiting me even though he broke up with me and returned to monogamy with his girlfriend to “save his family”. He doesn’t want to break up his family because he is worried it will hurt his child.
It has been about 3 months since we broke up. The last time I saw him (a couple weeks ago) he looked into my eyes for a long time, told me he loved me and started crying saying he doesn’t know what to do. Although I limit my communication and visits with him, he tries to be very affectionate with me when he sees me even though he is now supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend. He asks me if I’m seeing anyone every time he gets a chance. And he has asked me several times if we can get married one day (in a somewhat playful way). He doesn’t seem to want to be with his girlfriend forever but it seems he wants to wait until his daughter is a bit older. He seems confused about what to do.
I feel I have no choice but to let him go because I don’t know what he wants…
Nancy

August 18, 2018 at 3:32 am

Hi,
I was together with my exboyfriend for a year, we also lived together and it was amazing! I’m not American (he is) so I had to go home for a while to finish my studies. He loved me so much that he even got to learn my native language and wanted to move to Europe with me. A few weeks before my deprature he became depressed and mean.. I knew he was suffering from depression before but honestly I had no idea that it can be this bad. He literally got upset with anything.. and by the time I was about to leave, I just couldn’t wait to take off and leave him behind for a while. I loved him with full of my heart but couldn’t handle him more and he didn’t even let me to help him. After two weeks of being home he started to call me less often and we got to the point when a whole day passed without talking. I called and told him that this will not work in a long term and asked him if he wanted to break up. He said no and asked me to try to figure things out. Everything was fine for a day and then 2 days later he shot me a super long message about how much he loves me but he has to let me go blablablababla. I only replied: I’m really sorry to hear this. Take care!
And that’s it.. we went into no contact for 8 months!!!! None of us messaged the other. I was told by my friends that he was seen crying a lot at work after the breakup and he was even asking about me months after we seperated but never contaceted until my birthday when out of the blue he messaged me. I was pissed so I was kinda short with him and we didnt even have a conversation. I was coming back to the US and probably he already knew that. When I got back I bought a car that didnt want to start the next day and I had no idea what to do so I contacted him. I only dared bc he messaged me for my birthday. So all in all, he came over within 30 min and was working on my car the entire day. We had lunch together, he took me home and also wanted me to greet his parents.. He told me that I’m so special and that he still have serious feelings for me.. He even called me babe (as he used to) by accident. It felt like I haven’t even left and we didn’t even break up…. He was super kind and helpful, found a good mechanic for me and we kept in touch and met up a couple of times after that.. He took some stuff from my hood „by accident” so we had to meet up again, when „by accident” he left his car and home keys in my car.. he also tried to find a reason to message me with random stuff and when we hung out he told me that he was going to a class I’d love and I should join him. Also told me that the next time I go to the movies I should invite him blablablaba stuff like that but never asked me out for a real date. I wanted him to fight for me since it was him who messed it up. I got pissed and became distant so he became. Whenever he texted me, he made me talk a lot, asked me to teach him more Hungarian, more about our history, etc. One time he messaged me a 200 year old poem 😀 and asked me to translate it (wtf??) and whenever we got deep into the conversation he just disappeared.. Even if it was him who initiated contact.. I didn’t understand what was going on so I went in no contact for a month and then I messaged him and asked if he wanted to grab a coffe with me. He sounded super excited and told me that he’s looking forward to set a time. I replied him 4 minutes later and he never read my message since then… It’s been a month. He literally hasn’t read my message and it’s been a month………
I don’t know what to think or do. Should I just let him go?
He is the love of my life and we had a great relationship besides the last few weeks of it.
I stayed in touch with his mom during the breakup, sometimes she messaged me and when I moved back to the US she got super excited and she even invited me over to her birthday party (of course I didnt attend since I didnt get back together with her son) but I had the feeling that she knew how his son felt and wanted us to get back together.
Also when I moved back I got multiple friends telling me that my ex was telling them how much he still loved and missed me and that I was the most perfect woman for him. I was shocked but full of hope and now I have no idea what”s going on..
I started dating and instead of moving on I just kept comparing the guys to my ex . It got so bad that I came home crying after the last date I had.

I just have no idea what to do. Should I just wait until he reaches out?
Thanks for your answer in advance!

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2018 at 12:46 am

Hi Nancy….that is quite story. Wow….a 200 year poem. Looks to me he was trying to get a gauge of your feelings. I think your focus should be on you and your healing and recovery. You can move on without leaving him behind if in the event he surfaces again. Of course then, you may have a different perspective. And you can do things to reinforce your value from afar as ex boyfriends will often keep tabs on their ex girlfriends. But keep your focus on being the best “you”. He may be blowing it with you, but you can’t control his every decision and you shouldnt have to wait for him and his fickle ways.

Anonymous

May 12, 2018 at 9:25 pm

My ex bf broke up with me 4 months ago after being together for only a few months. We did the no contact rule. A couple weeks ago he said he missed me and asked to hangout to talk and maybe get a fresh start on things, he even text me for a whole week calling me beautiful and hun. After we hung out I didn’t hear from, so I let a few days go by and I still didn’t hear from him . I texted my best friend who is dating his brother and I found out through her that he was just leading me on because he knows I still have feelings for him and he doesn’t see us getting back together. He said he wants to hangout once in awhile and just be friends, but I want to get back together with him in the future. How do I stop him from leading me on again? How do I get him to want me back for good?

Chris Seiter

May 12, 2018 at 10:53 pm

Hi there…thanks for stopping by! I am sorry your ex is not playing it straight with you. It could be he is still in the undecided mode as to how he wishes to proceed and is just keeping his options open. It may be in your best interest to employ NC again, but utilize some of the methods I teach to increase your value in his eyes. You might want to take a deeper dive into a Blueprint I devised that can help you with your needs. To learn more about some of the products I created, go to my website’s Menu Section and click on the link for “Products”. I think you will find some useful resources there that will help you with your situation!

Janine

May 4, 2018 at 4:32 pm

Hi Chris, my ex and I broke up in October. We recently had our first meeting, it went well. He has mentioned that he would want to see me again but we havent chose a date yet because we are in 2 different cities during the summer, he let me he would come visit in May and would like if he could see me. Anyways, sometimes he is pretty flirty, talked about our past tris together.. how much fun he used to have with me.. missed me all very recent via text, texted me a lot after the meeting, wanted to see me soon after… which makes me think the chances of getting back are really god but yesterday we were talking about a old teacher who liked us as a couple and I just ended up saying something like : Ill go visit that “x” teacher when am engaged, he’d be happy to know who got me. (I wasn’t trying to make him think of marriage at all). My ex said ” who got you huh, the lucky guy who got you” and rushed saying goodnight. I told him “is that a question ” ? ( I didn’t understand)… he then said “I don’t think it’s a question”. I told him I dont understand, how’s that a fact. He simply said ” lol Are you trying to get into my head?”
I said : ” I’m just trying to understand your texting” he replied : Maybe we shouldn’t be texting about these things like that.” ” So we can make sure we both understand each other” I said : “hum ok” (curious, confused, and worried) He then added: “I mean you know how bad it is to text about feelings and stuff, so id rather not” I said : ok goodnight. He said okay Janine good night & that was the end of our conversation. I feel bothered somehow and confused, I think it is best indeed to talk about those things in person but somehow I feel like his reasons are not the same as mines to do so, maybe he doesn’t want to talk about feelings at all i have no idea… Do you have an idea of what”s going on in his head..and if he is not sure about me or doesn’t know what he wants.. What should I do after this to improve my chances of getting him back. Thank you

Chris Seiter

May 4, 2018 at 9:33 pm

Hi Janine..i think he is right about how texting does not always reflect one’s feelings accurately. It seems he is testing your feelings and views of where the relationship is. You have my ebook (“Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”), right? IF not, go check it out because it well help you now and down the road. Just go slow and continue to build attraction thru some of the tactics I talk about. You should also consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. The women who are part of that Group do a lot of sharing and offering of support and ideas. I also do weekly live Facebook webcast for this Group. You can learn more at my website Menu/Products link!
Janine

May 4, 2018 at 10:12 pm

Hi Chris, thank you for your reply. So if he is testing my feelings and views on where the relationship is, that’s a good thing right? It’s another way for him to show interest…I just have to be careful at not scaring him off if I understand correctly and do you have a part in particular that I should focus more in the recovery PRO ?
Thank you!
Chris Seiter

May 5, 2018 at 4:25 am

I think it is a positive development. Pro is a huge book and sometimes it takes a couple of reads to process it all. Just think of it as your Companion Guide
and apply the section that coincides with your needs in the stage you are in.

Angela

April 30, 2018 at 2:26 pm

Hi, my ex and I have been broken up for about a month now and 2 of those weeks I actually did no contact. He asked to meet at the airport during his layover last Saturday to touch base as things have been really chaotic between us (I made all the mistakes of crying and begging and blowing up his phone to a point where he blocked me). We had limited time to talk (about 35 minutes) and it was rather calm. I decided to see if I could do physical contact and ended up holding his him and linking his arm, which he didn’t push off. At one point he even gave me a kiss on the forehead, said that there were days where he woke up and thought what the heck did he do. But he said he needed time for awhile to himself and sort out his finances and get his life back on track and that the past couple months, the relationship felt suffocating. He turned down my offer to see him for the summer but said he would maybe come visit me further down the road or plan a vacation together. He asked then if I would like to see him again during his layover flying back home to which I said we will see. Gave me a really tight goodbye hug as he goes through security and today he has started unblocking me and following me back on social media. I am so confused. Do I have any hope?

Chris Seiter

April 30, 2018 at 3:09 pm

I Angela…I talk to a lot of Angelas here, so forgive if I mentioned this,but you would benefit if you picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” (available at my website Menu/click Products link). Its is chalked full of tactics and steps on what you can do to better your chances. Confusion and hopelessness is normal when people go through breakups. It is important to experience some self recovery, before you can expect to get your ex back. You can learn so much about this and other thing, so go take a look at some of the resources and services I discuss on my Products Page. You may find one or two things that fits your needs. Feel free to check back here anytime!

Cece

March 24, 2018 at 9:52 pm

HI,
I had posted in another post about a month ago. My ex and I officially broke up feb 15. Twice (4 days and 21 days post breakup) my ex boyfriend reached out telling me that he regrets breaking up with me and throwing away something so good. Yet both times, he changed his mind the next day because he has doubts and is confused about us. He says he loves me now but he’s unsure about the future (if we stay together, we may have to do long distance in the near future). He says he’s struggling internally with this decision but he’s also extremely stressed out in being in a professional college. The reason why he broke up with me is because he said that near the end of our relationship, it felt like work on top of an already hectic school schedule. I was completely blindsided by the breakup because he never expressed this to me. I did and will continue NC, have focused on working on myself, posting on social media and becoming the UG. I plan on going on NC for around 45 days because I will see him at a research conference around that time and plan to open communication there. My question is, how should I act around him when I see him since this will be our first time meeting each other since 21 day post breakup? Also, how do I convince him that our relationship is worth fighting for? Thanks!

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:11 am

Generally I like to tell people to act like nothing is wrong or nothing is bothering them.

As for convincing him. My guess is that it’ll take more than a conversation to do but that’s why we have a whole process.
Cece

April 6, 2018 at 3:03 pm

Do you think it would be better if I reached out to him before this conference? After 30 days NC of course. Just to open up the lines of communication. Or will I have a higher chance if I wait another month until I see him in person? My biggest fear is that he will start to lose feelings/forget about me. Which I know it’s unlikely but I know he’s on tinder now…
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 4:58 am

I hate putting a time constraint on things. It often ruins perfectly good game plans. I think you build everything up towards seeing him in person.
Cece

April 26, 2018 at 3:17 pm

Hi Chris,
So I’ve decided that to wait to see him in person to open up my lines of communication with him. My next questions is how do I implement tide theory into texting him after I see him? Should my first text to him after our “bump in” be what you define as the typical “first contact text” or should it be more casual like “hey it was nice bumping into you the other day?”. Also, do I wait the full day like you said in your book before I text him or should I just text him on day 2?
PS. your ERB pro has been more than helpful! I just want more insight into my specific situation 🙂
Chris Seiter

April 26, 2018 at 9:39 pm

As you would expect, my views on the steps you take are very adaptable to each person’s unique situation. I like your text suggestion. It works to build a little connection….is friendly, but not pushy are demanding. Wait some time…doesn’t have to be a full day..before reaching out. The idea is not come off as too dependent. You want to be viewed as independent…fun…happy…positive…beautiful….just someone everybody wants to be around
Cece

April 29, 2018 at 1:08 am

Thank you so much for the advice! So there has been a slight change of plans. My ex posted something on his snapchat story Thursday night that was specifically for me (inside joke between us) and I instantly replied to it because I had the confidence to, my gut instinct told me to, I had a very funny and witty reply to it and guess what, it worked! He immediately replied positively, we chatted for a bit and I ended the conversation on a high note by not replying! He posted another snapchat story last night and the exact same situation happened. Both times, I’ve initiated conversation and received a positively response! I just checked snapchat and he just posted another snapchat story but I haven’t opened it yet. This is also out of the blue for him because he VERY RARELY posts on his snapchat story. However, I am someone who posts relatively frequently (so he can see me as the UG ;P), and I posted something on my story today in reference to something we did together in the past, but he looked at it and didn’t initiate conversation… My question to you is, the next time he posts on his story, should I initiation conversation or should I wait a bit? I’m not sure if I interpreted this correctly but in your ERBpro (pg 204) you said that after three chances, if he doesn’t reach out, its time to move on?
Chris Seiter

April 29, 2018 at 5:04 am

Hi Cece….yes….wait a little spell. Remember, you want to build value and attraction slowly over time…like laying down little breadcrumbs for him to pick up and follow after you. If you get flat out rejected in a harsh way 3 times, then one should probably pull up their roots and move on. But that’s not whats happening her. You are getting bites. He is responding to your breadcrumbs. It wont necessarily happen every time, but you can build in some curiosities and other psychological tactics into your Snapchat Stories (use of brief little video vignettes can be very effective). Good job Cece. Forgive me, as I can remember if I told you, but if you need additional support, check out my Private Facebook Support Group…the ladies there are awesome in sharing ideas.
Cece

May 4, 2018 at 4:03 am

Hi Chris, here’s my update! My ex has since started to initiate snapchatting me – some personal snaps sent only to me, some of them sent to me and posted to his story. According to my texting chart, I initiate 2/3 times. One day I even ended the convo on a high note by not replying and he snapped an hour later to keep the convo going! He replies to all my snaps relatively positively and I’ve been building rapport, not quite at the attraction text yet. However, today was the research day and our interaction was very short and awkward. I looked really good, was polite, happy, confident, and a little awkward because I naturally am haha. However, he was quite uncomfortable and didn’t seem all that happy to see me. Throughout the day, he kept avoiding me! A bunch of his classmates kept coming by to say hi to me but he never made the effort to come talk to me. I would have approached him if I wasn’t stuck at my poster the entire day. I feel like I’m in the movie 500 days of summer in that expectation vs. reality scene where I expected so much more from this research day but in reality, nothing came of it. Now that the day is over, he hasn’t snapped me yet and he usually snaps me sometime in the evening. I’m a little confused as to what to do now? Should I acknowledge the fact that we saw each other or just continue with the texting like nothing happened? Also, when should I reach out? Thanks again 🙂

PS. I deactivated facebook until I finish writing my thesis.. I was getting too distracted 🙁 Or else I totally would have joined the group!
Chris Seiter

May 4, 2018 at 4:00 pm

Hi Cece…I love that movie….It is so insightful. I want you to watch it again. It will help underscore that even if this relationship doesn’t workout in the way your desire, there is always upside opportunities. Because remember, your are a pretty special and determined woman and he should be so lucky to have you in his life. Sometimes a guy will come to realize they are blowing it and turn the corner. But sometimes there are other things going on in their mind, for which you can’t change or influence in any quick way. So stay the course with your plan and maybe be a bit more like the “ungettable girl”. Let him come to you and keep being your amazing and beautiful self.
Chris Seiter

May 4, 2018 at 4:00 pm

Hi Cece…I love that movie….It is so insightful. I want you to watch it again. It will help underscore that even if this relationship doesn’t workout in the way your desire, there is always upside opportunities. Because remember, your are a pretty special and determined woman and he should be so lucky to have you in his life. Sometimes a guy will come to realize they are blowing it and turn the corner. But sometimes there are other things going on in their mind, for which you can’t change or influence in any quick way. So stay the course with your plan and maybe be a bit more like the “ungettable girl”. Let him come to you and keep being your amazing and beautiful self.

Feliz

March 15, 2018 at 8:52 pm

Im doing it , i didn’t message him anymore , the last time i thought it would be ok , but he didnt message , and i didnt message too, he talks like he wants and doesnt want at the same time , u think nc rule will help?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2018 at 3:17 pm

Yes, because continuing to talk to him will make you look like you’re chasing.

Feliz

March 15, 2018 at 12:42 pm

Hi, i and my bf broke up for a not serious problem , and he started to say that its good for us to break up , i tried a bit not to do it but it happened , after that he messaged on a post of mine and we started to chat for an hour , he said that he wants us but he knows it wouldn’t work , and i tried to make him say that he can be together again but he said that yet we are broken up till he knows what to do , and after me telling him to be good with me , he said that he hopes it happen but he thinks it wont work, and again he didn’t message me after that. It was a 3 yrs relationship and the breaking up happened 1 week ago . I dont know what to do and what he means

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 5:41 pm

Hi Feliz
Do you want to try the nc rule?

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