Decoding Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend - Based On Real Life Scenarios

599 thoughts on “Decoding The Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend”

Nicole

December 30, 2016 at 1:12 am

I have a somewhat unusual and difficult situation that I can’t even begin to comprehend. I have been in a LDR with a man for 7 1/2 years. We are Long Distance due to our careers, he is 15 years older than me (I am 46). Last year I broke it off for a period (did No Contact religiously for 30 days, re-established contact slowly, and we resumed our relationship)…we reconciled, but obviously didn’t fix our issues. Fast forward to this past October and we had a heated text argument…all of a sudden he just “ghosted” me completely. I was devastated, but never acted desperate. Our last contact was me “arguing” my point in this exchange ,to which I never received a response. I went through the whole emotional mess of just being “discarded/discounted” after 7 years, and it was very painful, but I did not contact him at all. After 6 weeks with nothing I packed all of his belongings up and sent them to him via UPS. I received an email from him afterwards that was a reply message to a string of previous love letters we had written to each other stating he had received his belongings and “it was depressing”. My response was “thanks for letting me know they arrived” and I went silent again.
Fast forward 3 weeks (and Christmas)…I received a bracelet from him. No note, but based on the jeweler, I know it is from him. How in the hell do I respond, or do I not? The dude ghosted me, and damn if that wasn’t a huge mind-fck!!! I am both angry, as I have tried to just move on and dismiss him. I have a huge piece of my mind that he needs to hear…do I do that now? Is that too much emotion to divulge now or do I get it out of my system? Or do I just ignore everything until he reaches out to me again? I don’t know what I want at this point…I was prepared and moving forward with the thought that I was dumped and just getting over the whole thing….Now a HUGE mixed signal, and viewing it as a grain of salt, but angry that it is a grain in a wound that was healing. (I obviously loved this man).

Too old for this sht!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 2:49 pm

Hi Nicole,

if it’s for moving on, just ask him for closure

T

December 29, 2016 at 4:23 am

OK so I talked over the summer with my ex. I was trying to just be friends with him but he made it clear he wanted more. Now before I get to far into the story we met in highschool freshman year. We were on and off until junior year and I guess you could say f buddies until I went away for college. Even then I still got texts here and there it wasn’t often but I still got them and they weren’t text you send to people you want to be friends with. Also note he had a gf at the time. Anyway back to the current story. We talked over the summer and he made it seem like he wanted to be with me. ( Make a note that he broke up with this girl and started talking to me. He also never had a good thing to say about her) then out of nowhere his other ex that he was dating while texting me comes back into the picture and then he disappears. I suddenly find that I’m blocked on both his Twitter and Snapchat which for me and given our past relationships is a dead give away that he’s clearly got another girl. So me being me I let him know I’m not dumb and I know what he’s up to and that if he wants to be with someone else that’s fine just don’t waste my time. He swore up and down that there wasn’t anyone (lies) only to turn around and start dating her 2 days after he was in my bed telling me he loved me. I admit I was stupid for even falling for it…..again. At this point I just truly want to move on. I’m in a new long term relationship and after a year of not seeing or hearing from him he texted me on Thanksgiving. Just simply saying I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I didn’t respond. I go about my life as if it never happened. 2 weeks later I receive another text saying I know you don’t like me but be safe please…..To which again I don’t reply. Then I get a text on Christmas saying merry Christmas to which once more no reply. Unlike some of the other people on this site I don’t want my ex back I want him to leave me alone. I have a hard enough time of dealing with the 6 years worth of heartbreak he gave me I just want him to disappear. I guess what I really want to know is why he keeps texting me especially when I’m not responding. I know I could ask him but I don’t want to speak to him he’s done enough in my life and I don’t want him to think that because I spoke to him that everything is ok. I also don’t want to assume that he still loves me or wants to be back with me while a boost to my ego I know there’s a huge chance that neither of those are the reason he’s texting. I’m just confused and I would like to know why he’s doing this. To my understanding he’s engaged to the ex he left and lives with her and happy so why bother me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 10:40 am

Hi T,

just don’t give attention to him.. If he really is engaged, better not be his girl on the side.

Lou Deane

December 26, 2016 at 2:37 pm

My ex-boyfriend and I had been together just under 3 years. We started arguing and we nearly broke up and then he said he couldn’t lose me, two weeks later he ended it saying he didn’t want a relationship with anyone. I didn’t talk to him nor did I beg the last thing he said when he walked away was that he loved me and I didn’t respond. After 3 weeks I had a missed call from him and just replies asking if he was okay and he never responded. I decided to go travelling and I really got myself happy and started enjoying life again, he then started liking all my photos on facebook and then one night sent me a love heart on messenger this was 2.5 months on from the breakup. We have messaged back and fourth a bit and he said he sent it because he was thinking about me and will always think the world of me. Yesterday he wished me a Merry Christmas with a love heart and then sent me loads of memes saying this is so you and talking about future things. He said he wanted me to see him and his family again and just continued with the love hearts. I messaged him today asking when he’s free to meet and he hasn’t got back to me even though he’s been active.

I was just hoping you could shine some light on this.

Thank you and Happy Christmas xo

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 3:56 am

Hi Lou deanne,

dont rush meeting him, build rapport abd attraction through text and calls first..

Anna

December 20, 2016 at 11:32 pm

Hi. I have been reading all these articles to get my ex boyfriend back, and it seemed to be working. We were already talking dayli and even planning to meet. However, at that point I realized is not about getting him back, is about getting him back the right way. I’ll explain. The reason we are not together is exactly described in this article, where its says “reason 1: he is not 100% sure about you”. He was making plans for a future, he was very devoted to me, we were happy and in a very healthy relationship, we were best friends. Until one day I asked again, just the normal talk about the subject of us and our plans, and his answer was “yeah I said that, but I never thought about it that seriously”. Ouch! After 2.5 years together I felt he was just leading me on, misleading me and using me as a placeholder until something better came. He was so shocked of my reaction because he thought it was ok to just see where things go. It was as if I was talking to a totally different person. It might be ok but I felt he should have told me and that was the main problem. We tried to talked about it, me trying to understand what was he thinking, and he was genuinely upset and really sad and miserable to loose me, but I thought I was doing the best for me cause I thought he was just a liar. However I do feel he was not doing this on purpose and he was just stupid and confused and ignorant, etc etc as I can see from this article and the comments every man is. As I said it was a great relationship and he did not want the break up at all and it hurt him a lot since it took him by surprise. We discussed the situation over months and he was being honest and saying he was confused and he was trying to be decisive but he was scared. He didn’t want me to stay with him waiting and then eventually him not being able to decide to marry me and making me waste my time. Bottomline is, did I do the right thing by breaking it off or should I have waited and give him time? I think the answer is that I did the right thing, but we were so happy and in a great relationship that I think eventually he would have ended up marrying me, but that’s a big risk for me to take. Now that I read this article I understand him better. I want to emphazise that the relationship was healthy, great sex, great communication, I’m very independet, very beautiful, with my own career, himself too, he was very proud of me, kindof the ungettabbke girl, although of course there is always room to get better. He doesn’t have any issues, his parents are still married and in a healthy marriage, his friends are almost all married, I can’t think of amything that can be making him have doubts, especially since marrying now is not even being discussed, is about where the relationship is headed, to which as we talked many times was marriage in the future. Having said all this, my last question is, is there any way to make him be 100% sure about me after he already knows me and after we already had the best relationship someone can want? Is it worth to keep trying to get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 24, 2016 at 6:04 am

Hi Anna

I’m not sure I understood what you said. You’re together exclusively but you broke up with him because he’s not sure if he’s going to marry you? Why? How old are you both?

Madonna

December 7, 2016 at 3:09 pm

Me and my ex-boyfriend were together almost 10 months ago. We were in love without any problem. There were no fights. He always told me that he wanted me to be his wife and he always talked in this seriously. Surprisingly in one night he became confused and he didn’t know what he want. So I chose to be friends. And I decided to still about month didn’t talk. And told him that in a message. But his reply didn’t appear if he accepted my decision or not. ” 🙁 I’m not puzzled or couldn’t take a decision. But I don’t have power to speak to you. I am sorry “. After one week of this message with no contact he came to me at the church but I ignored him and still with my friends he waited me for half an hour. When I was going out from the church he called me but I ignored him for the second time. He called my sister to complain me. And he told her that he wanted me to be his wife and he wanted to make a surprise party for me at my birthday and give me diamond ring he bought for me. After 3 days she called him and asked him if he would take an official step after this party. He told her that he has factors that he should achieve. She told him that she received his response ” no ” and she would help him to make us friends because he needs me in his day. But I demanded that I don’t want him to come to my birthday party. My sister told him that he shouldn’t come to the party so as not to break my heart. He annoyed and saw that she hurt him and he decided not to come. And told her that he thought of me more than any one. During the party he phoned me from a private number “because he knew that if he phoned me from his number I wouldn’t respond”And he told me what I dressed and where I was and who with me and he was caring for me. After that party he phoned me about 3 times a day. He became very jealous and if I said any name of boy he would anger and told me that I don’t care on him and I care on others. And he talked me in an emotional way. Last Thursday during our phone call, I had waiting call. He told me that I can answer and he would wait me. I accepted. He became very angry and said bye Madonna in an aggressive way . I phoned him for 2 times but he didn’t answer although he was having a call and I came to him on waiting and until now he didn’t call me. ” During our relationship I didn’t answer the waiting phone calls through our calls”. I don’t know if he loves me or not. I love him so much and I cannot get rid of thinking about him. What should I do? Please help me.
For knowledge: ( he still student but senior year four after prep ).

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 7:30 pm

Hi Madonna,

have you talked again?

Rachael

December 3, 2016 at 8:40 pm

So my ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago, we had a loving relationship for 2 years and he got scared of commitment and the idea of us being together forever. He also felt that I didn’t let him hangout with his friends enough and he always had to be with me, which is untrue, but we had communication issues. Unfortunately, we still live together until the end of the month. He will be moving out of my apartment. I’m scared about him leaving because I don’t want him to forget about me. He keeps telling me he is confused and doesn’t know what he wants. I love him and keep rejecting guys who want to hangout with me because I can’t stand to be with anyone else. We don’t really text anymore, but we do talk sometimes when we are both home. I can’t stand the thought of losing him and I know this is easily fixable if he worked with me.

Rachael

December 3, 2016 at 8:40 pm

He also wants to remain friends and I said I couldn’t do that because I still have feelings for him and that’s not fair for me
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Hi Rachael,

show him you’re not a responsibility by having your own life.. Be the ungettable girl.. The more you dont risk losing somebody, the more you will be clingy

Kay

November 26, 2016 at 11:43 am

In the shortest explanation possible, my ex has some issues from childhood that need to be addressed and he hasn’t. Being with me so to speak brought everything to the surface and he up and quit on us. We planned our entire future together.. lived together. The day it happened, I made sure to disappear from his life physically and we haven’t seen each other since. It happened about a month and a half ago. Since the breakup, it has been a roller coaster. I was the more level headed one (had a couple weak moments) but he messaged me almost everyday for a while. It drove him nuts i was “being so cold” and “already sleeping with other people.” After the anger subsided I agreed life is too short and i would rather keep him in my life until one convo turned into a big argument and i was fed up with how exhausting everything was. Keep in mind it was VERY obvious he couldn’t let go. After the argument I decided it was too hurtful to be in limbo so i told him he needed to choose me or let me go. Since then he has admitted to not wanting to or yet accepting not having me in his life as well as pointing out how amazing I was to him and the impact i’ve had on his life and new outlook on things.. Was giving him an all or nothing choice the wrong thing to do? And how to i go from here..? Last exchange involved me opening up a bunch (which i hadn’t been doing) and showing how my emotions want him in my life but my logic says no. He still seems unsure and not willing to let me out of his life but won’t choose me either.

Kay

November 28, 2016 at 7:22 am

honestly.. i have no idea.

now he’s saying how it’s messing him up how i went from wanting him in my life even if it meant no relationship to he only gets me in his life if we’re together.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 10:44 pm

That’s not trying to mess him up.. You’re just laying your standards..and he’s not used to you not chasing
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 8:41 pm

Hi Kay,

so, is he working on his issues?

Nardin

November 25, 2016 at 10:52 am

hello.
so my boyfriend and i dated for 10 months. we spent every night together. there was so much love in the air. i got into the relationship with an open mind. I did not expect it to last forever. but along the line, he started talking about a future with me. he picked out our baby names. it made me feel he was serious. we got closer by the day and everyday he had a new pet name for me. all was going well until he started being distant with me. when i asked what was wrong, he said he had problems and could not handle his problems and a relationship. when i asked what that meant he said we should break up. i did not want to but he insisted on the break up so i accepted… one month after the break up, pays me a visit. while at my place he tries to kiss me. when i asked what he was doing he says he misses me… after that day, he changed toward me. there are times he will behave like we were still in a relationship, and other times he acts like he regrets ever getting into a relationship with me.. i really do not know what he means…and lately he calls me pet names, turns to me when he is in need wants to spend time with me… i don’t know what he means.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 4:27 pm

Hi Nardin,

have you tried talking to him and asking him?

Gab

November 8, 2016 at 9:16 pm

Also, I replied and told him that he made it clear yesterday that he didn’t want anything to do with me he moved on so there for I had no reason to hold on to it and I tossed it in the trash with everything else that belonged or reminded me of him. IM moving on and healing from this, he said ok. I’m glad I found out now than having my hopes up for a whole month, did I do the right thing? I feel like he’s trying to test me or something, your thoughts?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 11, 2016 at 9:03 pm

Hi Gab,

I hate to contradict, but it looks like he just wanted it because it’s his mail.

Gab

November 8, 2016 at 8:01 pm

Hi Amor,

I broke NC, I was going on 15 days, I did a short one, I texted him how was he doing, he replied he’s good, I then told him I ran into our videos that made me laugh, he replied he had great times but those times are over, I then asked told him by the way he still had mail coming to the house, (which he never inquired about) he said he doesn’t have the same desire to see me, or want to to leave it on the porch or for me to keep it, I asked if I can see him soon, he asked, for what? I told him I had a bday present I wanted to give him, he said no, that’s not neccesary, to fall back we are done, I asked him if there was someone else, he said it didn’t matter, I just need to move on. So I asked just tell me, he confirmed yes. I didn’t reply after that. 2 days later today he asked if the mail was on the porch?! Why is he texting asking about the mail if he already told me to keep it he doesn’t care or ever asked for it? he told me to let go why is he texting?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 11, 2016 at 9:03 pm

Hi Gab,

I hate to contradict, but it looks like he just wanted it because it’s his mail.

Gab

November 8, 2016 at 2:21 pm

Hi Amor,

So I broke the Nc yesterday, I had a weak moment, I was going on 15 days I did the short NC. I asked how he was, He replied and said he was good, I mentioned i came across some old videos that made me laugh from us, and he said those times are done, we don’t need to be friends, we can cordial in public but that’s it. He doesn’t have the “same” desire to see me. I told him he had mail and he said leave it on the porch or to keep it. I still asked if he is willing to see me possibly after thanksgiving, I told him I had gotten him a bday gift I wanted him to have, He said return it but he appreciates my effort, he told me to let go, he confirmed he moved on to someone else. I didn’t reply after that. That really hurt. But 2 days later, today he messages me if the mail is on the porch!! I didn’t reply, but he didn’t care about his mail then why is he asking about it now? answers? thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 11, 2016 at 9:03 pm

Hi Gab,

I hate to contradict, but it looks like he just wanted it because it’s his mail.

Chloe

November 5, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Hello!
Me and my ex were together for 3 years and we had a pretty good relationship and did a lot of unforgettable things together. That being said, he was always a rollercoaster of emotions. One second he’s talking about our future and the next hes talking about how he isn’t happy with himself and how we didn’t meet at the right time and how we need to discover ourselves before we can give our whole selves to another person. He always spoke of getting back together at some point down the road. Our breakup was calm and it didn’t end in a ball of flames and was actually quite sad. There was absolutely no contact for 2 months. I didn’t attempt to talk to him and posted plenty of pictures on social media showing that I was happy and doing just fine. Then one night, I get a phone call from him and I answer. We talk for 5 hours and he tells me how he thinks about me every single day, how it felt like there was a death in his life and his family. I assumed that was the last I’d hear from him and leave it at that. But he texted me first the next day, and the day after that… and after that… he starts getting flirty. He mentions how he will be traveling close to where I live now. (I moved right after our breakup). We meet up, and have the most incredible and happy time. He says that he can’t believe I’m there with him and how he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. After I leave, he tells me that he’s never felt so strongly about someone and how our connection when I visited was undeniable and it makes him question the breakup. He talks to me for a couple weeks more, being super sweet and getting jealous when another guy shows attention. He starts making plans to come visit me and hinting at a reunion and starts talking about our future. Then…. the rollercoaster. One day he says how he doesn’t want to feel obligated to talk all the time if that’s not what he wants, and how he wants to remain close to me during our breakup but doesn’t want to give me mixed signals. After all of the sweet nothings and working hard to get my affection again and he turns around and says these things?!! So….. I got pretty angry and called him out for his not so mixed signals during our time of communication. I told him that he was incredibly emotionally selfish and called him out for saying he cant just have someone when he feels like it and say but nobody else can have it either. And then I told him to never talk to me again…. Im at the point where I don’t know what to think, but I can’t deal with the mixed signals….

Chloe

November 8, 2016 at 5:37 am

Thank you Amor! UPDATE: right after our breakup, I removed my ex off of all social media to prevent myself from looking at his things. Well, when we reconnected, we added each other back on snapchat. Fast forward to about a week ago when we were still on speaking terms, I mentioned how going on sushi dates were our thing and how i missed them. We had the argument about him being an emotional rollercoaster last weekend and that’s when I told him to not speak to me again. Well, I just saw his snap story of a random girl sitting across from him eating sushi today! (Monday) he travels for work and doesn’t stay in one place for much longer than a week. So I know this is just a girl he randomly met. Do you think is why he was acting so hot and cold? How could he be that cold?!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 11, 2016 at 3:57 pm

it can be but I forgot to ask, are you going to do the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 11:42 pm

Hi Chloe,

He’s moved too fast and then realized it.. Well, at least you know you weren’t the one who did it.. let him think about what you said..

Sarah

October 22, 2016 at 2:52 pm

I was in a 5 Year relationship with a guy and we were living together, engaged, & invested. Both of our families were close and everything was great! We were engaged for 7 months. 2 weeks before the wedding after his bachelor party he freaked out and we agreed to cancel the wedding. We were not financially ready. He moved out and said he needed time to figure out who he is. He works with me at my family’s company. I have to see him every day… it is so uncomfortable. A lot of my family works there too so I know he is uncomfortable too! I don’t understand why he won’t leave and find a new job. He tries to talk to me and I mostly ignore him. I have had moments where I get emotional and talk to him. That’s when he gives me the mixed signals. He says he loves me and misses me but he just needs some time. He wants to be 100% sure. I of course think it’s because he wants to see other people but when I ask him he always says no. That’s the last thing on his mind. He says that I’ve known him for 5 years and that he wouldn’t throw away 5 years just for a stupid fling. He says he is so miserable. He wants to hug and kiss me. But his actions are different. He either gives me the cold shoulder or asks me little questions and gives me little smiles.
We were best friends. I don’t see how he can act as if we weren’t in a relationship for 5 years and like we haven’t seen each other naked! We were really close. We called each other best friends. He already referred to me as his wife… the last conversation I had before the break up was right before his bachelor party. He held me close and covered my face in kisses saying he loves me and for me not to stress about the wedding. That we were going to make it.
I don’t know what to do…
I found out that he has been telling A close co-worker that I am so beautiful and he doesn’t know why he is doing this.
He has said he doesn’t deserve me. I really believe that he thinks that… he feels he can’t give me the life I deserve. I don’t think that is fair to me… I chose him knowing that we’re weren’t going to be super rich…
I chose love over money…
my heart is broken and I have told him that if he wants me out of his life he needs to leave work and let me move on. Yet he is still there…
It’s torture.
I’m trying to do the no-contact but with us working together and having bills we need to pay it is difficult.
He has said multiple times that he doesn’t want to be my friend… so why is he acting like a friend?

What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2016 at 5:31 pm

hi Sarah,

I know it will be hard but try doing the no contact rule..I’m going to link an article for doing it while working with him..

make it seem like you’re moving on.. Improve yourself and focus in that.. do new things and make new friends.. I think you need to do at least 30 days..

EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Gab

October 21, 2016 at 7:51 pm

Hi again, I intitated the no contact rule, however his birthday is on Tuesday, Should i continue with NC and not wish him a happy bday? also he has his spare key to my apt. should i also ask for that back and then restart the NC? Please advise me I’m not sure if I should just do the 30days and him thinking he has power because he has my key. Will that cause for NC to not be that effective? Im not concerned for him to break in or invade me at all. He’s not like that at all.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2016 at 10:59 am

Nope dont greet him and it would be better to get the key after nc instead..

Ashley

October 21, 2016 at 4:35 am

Okay so me and my bf dated for almost 8 months, he allowed me to stay with him every night since we started dating, I was practically living with him,I was his wife without the ring,cooked ,cleaned, ect. He said we argued a lot and we did but it was little stupid stuff that didn’t matter at all. I just nit picked. Well he winded up breaking up with me in the afternoon when I nit picked at something and he said he wasn’t happy we argued all the time, we ended on good terms ,it’s been 3 weeks since we broke up and he still tells people that he loves me just can’t do the arguing . But he only talks to me when I contact him first. We have the same friends and we live 5mons apart in this small town. I’ve tried talking to him but he keeps telling me he needs time he don’t know what he wants he just wants to be by himself right now. Do I have a chance to get him back. He’s 26 I am 21 now. He broke up with me the week of my birthday but we went to a wedding rehearsal together and our friends said that looking from the outside of the relationship to the inside y’all compliment each other very well. Just give him time he will realize and will come back… What do I do I’m going to see him Saturday for a baby reveal and I just want to make him want me back and be stronger than ever. Do I have a chance …? HELP

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2016 at 7:26 pm

hi Ashley,

Looks like he feels you’re nagging him..after the baby reveal, do you want to try doing the no contact rule?

Gab

October 18, 2016 at 8:38 pm

Hello,

I recently went through a break up with someone that I would have 4 years with in December. problems began when I was unemployed more 4 months, finances began to be a litlle tight, I start being more aggressive in my job search. I finally landed a great job but since I took the job, I had to cancel our vacation that he already paid for, as a birthday gift. we got into an argument because of it. At that point I didn’t feel that much support from him and he ended going by himself with his family. While he was away i had a new sense of independence and focusing on my new career, hitting the gym (part of our lifestyle) and spending me time. I hardly contacted him, he noticed the distance and was questioning why I wasn’t messaging him, he also admitted to me he wish I was there. He came back in 2 weeks and completely turned into a different person and treated me like a queen. however I was still hesitant. I told him we needed a break. He was devastated. He left moved in with his brother. we still saw each other, but he was hurt we weren’t “together” he began feeling that we should just end it. he didn’t want to casually date me. I told him I needed time to figure it out. the following week he talks about a ring and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Then when I finally begin to make up my mind I really do want to be with him, he backs away and says I think we should just take that break. You should focus on you and I will do me. He tells me he’s talking to other people and just wants to do his own thing. I was shocked. I immediately feel hurt and I try to give him space, after a few days of not hearing from him, I message him and his texts are all cold and short. Then I try reaching out ask him to see me, he agrees and ask him exactly are we on a break or are we done. He tells me I should move on, but we held a good conversation prior to this, laughing a bit and then he tells me this. I tell him I won’t give up and he just stays quiet. After that he doesn’t really reply to my texts. a week goes by and I ask to see him I had his mail still coming to my house so I went to give it to him. I also ask if we can talk before I get there. He agrees, so every time I ask to see him he agrees to see me and talk but he hardly reply to texts. So I tell him I will let him go just needed closure and maybe we can be friends in the future, that was last week. Then this past weekend I was out with friends, and all I can do is think about the realtionship and believe we can make it work because I still believe he loves me. so i message him, he tells me he will always find me attractive, and will sleep with me but other than that there is nothing there. That hurt a lot but I still ask to see him, he agrees it was late so we just slept but he allowed me to cuddle and kiss him. he wakes and thanks me for allowing him to sleep. The next day he comes over again. I had to get up in the am for work so he stayed asleep. I get home and see he made my bed and took his old spare key to lock my apt. I thanked him for closing up and making the bed. he just messaged me with “YW”=your welcome. I haven’t heard from him since. I obviously didn’t do the no contact rule. How should I proceed moving forward? I still love him and want to be with him, but he’s so all over the place I don’t know what to do

Gab

October 19, 2016 at 3:42 pm

and also October 25, is his birthday, should I send him a gift? I blocked him on FB when he broke up with me, because it was hard to see his posts and what not. I then later read on this site not to do that. Should I start the NC rule to see if he reaches out to me, the longest I lasted was 1 week without contact but had to break it because I had to let him know I had his mail.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 20, 2016 at 6:53 pm

Hi Gab,

The no contact is to help increase your chances but more so, it’s for you to heal and improve and to help you and him have a restart.. So, it’s not really for him to reach out to you.. He will probably miss you but the most important thing is that you improve yourself.. If you’re going to do it..I think you should do 30 days…

HM

October 8, 2016 at 10:08 pm

Hello,
I came across your website and its really helpful. I have a situation and need advice.
My boyfriend and i broke up 3 days ago (wednesday). he ended it. Naturally, I was/am completely devastated. However, I already knew about No Contact and implemented it immediately. About 10 hours later, he posted some stupid youtube video on my FB wall, which I thought was a very strange thing to do the same day he ended our relationship. Annoyed, and not wanting him post anything else, I deactivated me account. Friday (yesterday) was his birthday and I did not contact him in any way. Then, this morning while I was at work, I received a text from him saying, and I quote: “Hola Preciosa, I see you disconnected from me on facebook. I sent you an email, please read it. I care for you”. And at the end of the message, he included a kissy-face emoticon. I am very confused because he is speaking to me as if I am still his girlfriend. “Preciosa” was one of his pet names for me (it’s similar to ‘beautiful/gorgeous’). And why the emoticon kiss? that’s how we used to end our texts as a couple. As for the email, I cant bring myself to read it. I’m not ready. But I did notice that he sent it at 3:06am this morning. I’m juts so confused by his behavior. Also, should I read the email? I’m having an anxiety attack just thinking about it. Of course, I did not respond to his text.
Thank you in advance
Btw, the video he posted was a cat video, which he often posts on my wall because I love cats….don’t know that means anything….

Also, the reason he ended things was because he believed I was not happy in the relationship (there were some complicated issues). We had been arguing a lot the past two weeks. On Wednesday, he started texting me like normal but then we had another argument via phone call and that’s when it happened. I don’t think he was necessarily planning on breaking up with me.
Sorry for being long-winded but I wanted to give you as much information as possible

HM

October 11, 2016 at 6:12 pm

Oh, and he’s still calling me ‘Preciosa’……
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 6:30 pm

it’s ok hm.. you can comment as many as you like.. just let him be.. I think he’s slowly realizing that you’re really serious on ignoring him
HM

October 11, 2016 at 6:09 pm

Hi Amor,
Thank you for your response. This will be my last comment, I just need to vent for a minute:
He emailed me again very early this morning talking about how even though we’re no longer together he still loves me, will always love me, is still my friend, will always be there for me and how I shouldn’t alienate myself from true love, blah blah blah. So if he loves me so much, why did he end our relationship?! This is insanity….what is he hoping to accomplish here? He is making this worse for me, if that’s possible. What really hurts is that I think it’s lies – he doesn’t truly love me, rather it’s his ridiculous ego that can’t handle that I cut him off….so selfish…
HM

October 10, 2016 at 9:10 pm

I ended up reading the email he sent. He insisted that he loves and cares for me. I am a professional dancer, and he was also my mentor. He insisted in his correspondence that he wanted to continue the mentor/protegee relationship and also be friends. That’s not going to work for me. I didn’t respond.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 3:41 pm

That’s right. Don’t agree.. We both know that’s just his way to keep you at arm’s length..Stay strong in no contact.. Actually I think you can do it, you don’t sound like you can be easily influenced or fooled with words..
HM

October 10, 2016 at 9:03 pm

Hi Amor,
We were together for 19 months. I am 34 and he just turned 57
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 7:00 pm

Hi HM,

how long were you together and how old are you both? It’s good that you didn’t respond to those messages and email.. let him be for now..Well, unless he says he really wants to get back with you

Lane

October 5, 2016 at 5:50 pm

I was hoping someone could give me some advice. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me completely out of the blue. While he was breaking up with me he was crying a lot and kept contradicting himself. Saying things like, “it’s not that I 100% don’t want to be with you I just want to do my own thing” or “I never thought this would happen to us”, and “I’m probably going to regret this”. It was very confusing for me because it was like he was genuinely confused as to if he wanted to do it or not. But he ended up doing it. He’s graduating college this year and he has a lot of decisions for himself that he has to make. I did ask him if there was someone else in the picture and he said “absolutely not, I just want to be alone. I don’t want to focus on a relationship or anyone right now.” Being in his life for two years I did grow very close with his family they called me after very upset because they were worried about him because he said he doesn’t know who he is or what he wants for himself. & told them he didn’t want to talk because he was so upset and that he just needs time to focus on him. I did reach out to him on three occasions. The first occasion I said good luck this weekend I hope it goes well. He plays soccer for his university and I just wanted to be nice. One of my friends texted him and asked for a recipe he used to make for our parties and she said I’m sad it didn’t work out with you two and he said, “we will see what happens”. To me that was like a mini slap in the face. To me it meant that he was keeping me on the back burner if doing his own thing doesn’t lead to anything better. I reached out to him the next week and sent him a very nice text, saying that I don’t understand why this is happening but that I have to understand that this is what he wants and needs. And that if he needed anything I’m here for him and for him to not be a stranger. I tried to clarify that the reason he ended this was because he didn’t want to be with me and I asked if there was no chance for us? He replied and said “I wouldn’t say there is no chance! I just want to do my own thing.” I left it at that because what else is there to say. He went in for a very serious doctors appt and I did reach out and say i hope it goes well. He responded within 5 mins and said “Thank you! I am sure everything will be fine.”
I’ve decided to move forward for myself and for my own sanity. I’ve decided to also not ever contact him first again. I’ve put myself out there only to be left still confused and heartbroken by his actions.

Mary

November 28, 2016 at 12:42 am

Hey Lane, I literally went through the same exact breakup situation almost 3 months ago. It’s scarily similar my ex even said the exact same things your ex said! We were together for almost 3 years and lived together for the last 2 years. We always had a great relationship and we never fought at all and we got along so well and were inseparable since the day we met! In August We decided to each move home for a while because money was tight, but we never were going to break up. If anything we both said living apart would be good for our relationship because we would have less stress with bills and we could save up to buy a house together eventually. A week after moving out he broke up with me out of the blue with no warning signs! The day after the breakup he asked me to get a drink with him and I assumed he wanted to talk further about the breakup because I was clearly devestated. He did not talk at all about the breakup which was odd but asked to see me again the next day. I was of course confused but happy that he wanted to see me! I thought maybe he was having second thoughts about impulsivly breaking up with me. We made plans to hang out the next day but when the day came he said he was “sorry but he didnt feel well” and asked to reschedule. I was of course bummed and felt like he was just blowing me off but I agreed. Problem was after that day he didn’t try to reschedule at all which left me more confused 🙁 After that he started acting more distant and didn’t initiate much contact. For about a month I would send him a text maybe once or twice a week because it’s been really hard for me to not talk to him at all because I still love him and he was my best friend 🙁 I would say about 99% of the time he responds and he is very nice and pleasant but he still doesn’t usually initiate talking first which is very frustrating 🙁 when we broke up he said “he still loved me and that he’s just not happy with where he is in his life right now and he has never been able to work on himself while he’s in a relationship” he also said “he doesn’t love himself ” I told him I of course love him the way he is but I am all for working on yourself. I asked if there’s a chance of us getting back together and he said he “doesn’t know what the future holds or when he’ll be mentally ready but he’s not saying no” So of course I feel like that gives me some hope but I also dont want false hope! I know I probably shouldnt have asked but i asked but after about a month I asked him to hang out and just get a drink and enjoy each others company and he agreed to hang out! So last week we met up and hung out for about 5 hours and we literally had a blast together and it was like old times! He even asked to see me the following week and he said he had so much fun hanging out which made me feel good! The following week which was just this past week we ended up not being able to hang out like we planned because it was the week of thanksgiving and we were both very busy. He says we can definitely hang out again but he doesnt really give me a set day or initiate the plans at all which makes me think he might just be hanging out to not hurt my feelings? I have no idea! I would hope if he didnt want to see me he would just say so! We didnt talk about our relationship when we hung out but i did ask if he missed me and he said “of course he misses me” Iam trying my best not to be pushy but I really just want to see him because when i do i am truly happy and it feels right! I feel like he definitley still loves me by the way he acted when we hung out. But afterwards he got distant again! I am still completely confused and hurt and I love him so much I just want to be given a chance to make it work! Sorry for the long story but I hope someone can give me some insight/advice? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 9:45 pm

Hi Mary,
looks like you’re friendzoned..do you want to try the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 3:23 pm

Hi Lane,

so, you mean you’re moving on right?

Sarie

October 4, 2016 at 7:40 pm

Hi There,

I have been dating my bf for 2 years. For 9 months he cheated on me with a girl from his work. The other woman claimed that my bf is the one that was chasing her. However, during this 9 months, my bf keeps on telling that he still loves me. I’ve decided to end our relationship last August. Then, after a week, he brought his new gf to his friends house and introduced her. They did not like her as per his friends. I still love my BF and I just broke it off cause the pain was too much. I talked to him and he said that he still loves me and he will win me back. BUT after two days, he went out to see the other girl again. I talked to him again and he did not choose between me and the other girl. He cut his phone and deactivated his FB. Now, he hasn’t contacted any of us. He said he needs time. All of his friends are telling me to hold on because they know that he loves me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 9:25 pm

Hi Sarie,

If I were you, I would do the no contact rule.. Please check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You

Confused

October 4, 2016 at 7:13 pm

I really could use some advice. My ex and I were together for a little over two years. We are both in our mid forties and neither of us had been a relationship for a long time before we met. We fell deeply in in love, and we were really committed to each other. We live in a really small town, he moved here from out of state about a year before we started dating. Anyway. His parents, whom he is exceptionally close to, announced they were coming at the end of summer, and I got cold feet. I broke it off, and really hurt him. He fought really hard for me for about a month, and then I started NC. Four days of NC, hours after he sent me a text, that I ignored, pleading to reunite, I saw him with another woman! I was crushed, but resolved to maintain NC and not go crazy. I’ve been doing tons of self improvement on the outside and in, and I understand why I did what I did. I feel so bad for hurting him, he is a great guy. Anyway, NC for almost a month, and we ran into each other. He asked me to refriend him on Facebook, and we started texting. Then we met, at his suggestion. He was sweet, and I got drunk. Big mistake. Anyway, we saw each other again the next day and we ended up kissing and professing our love and how much we missed each other. Then I heard nothing. I ran into him last Friday, and he was with this rebound woman. We all said hello and I proceeded to chat with my girlfriend and have fun, all while looking better than I have in a while! Anyway, I was so shaken, but I pulled it off. I woke up Saturday and still in UG mode, I took a roadtrip by myself and had a good day. Although I kept flashing on them together, but it’s okay, I’m not really threatened by her. So I get home from my roadtrip and there is a text from him saying he can’t stop thinking about, loving, and missing me. He wants to meet again, and I don’t know what to do. He is still with her. Get this: She facebook friended his dad when he was here, and she only has about 50 friends and hasn’t posted, at least that I can see, for about a year. Anyway, she posted a pic and tagged his father,calling him ‘dad’. They were going out for two weeks when she met his parents!! Isn’t that weird? Do his parents see this? The funny part is, he was texting me while she was posting this, maybe she knows he is using her? She is about a 7/7, and I was feeling/faking 9/9 level Friday. I know I’ve been a 10/10 in his eyes, like no other. what do I do? When we met alone the two times, I really held back, and just tried to enjoy him, but I later texted him an apology and told him I still want him. So when we see each other should I just go for it? Tell him how I feel, that we belong together? I’m prepared to go back to NC, or really limited, since its just unavoidable in our little town. Two months later and I can talk to him without getting too emotional, but will I just seem pitiful? Should I wait for this rebound to end? What if it doesn’t? I was the one who caused it, shouldn’t I try to offer him a new start and see what happens? He told me He wanted to be with somebody who wanted to really be with him, and I do. now. I’m so confused! Playing it cool seems like too big a risk, and maybe I need to tell him for my own closure if we part, even if it’s just for a while. Help?

Confused

October 5, 2016 at 5:16 pm

So, I did it! I maintained my cool and told him I was ready to take it to the next level. We are back on!! There is no way I could have done it without maintaining NC and getting myself to better place. If you are out there reading this, hang in there. It can and does happen! This site got me through some tough moments, and if you follow the advice here you will either get him back or at least become a little bit better person. Thanks Chris! I really like this site but I hope I never have to go through this again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 9:11 pm

That’s good to know.. congratulations!

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