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Amber
June 6, 2016 at 6:24 pm
Chris please help me. I don’t know If I’m getting mixed signals from my ex bf or maybe I’m over analyzing. We were together since we were 17 for 9yrs. We were inseparable. We did everything together and then life started getting more serious. School got really serious for him about 3yrs ago and now he’s so focused on his career. Anyways he broke up with me 4months ago when I told him he doesn’t have time for me anymore and started crying. We were only seeing each other maybe once a week. He told me he felt different and that he felt like he couldn’t be himself around me like I was always judging him and this was totally left field for me. I didn’t expect it at all especially because he was always attentive and affectionate with me. Never noticed any distance from him. He would do anything for me. We were best friends. I of course begged and it didn’t work out. We were in limited contact for the first 2 months where I would always initiate. Even had sex twice but would tell me he wants me to move on and he fell out of love and knew for some time it wasn’t going to work out. If he felt that way he never should have continued to make me believe we had a future. He would talk about buying a house together and even telling his family our plans. after our second meeting he told me he doesn’t ever contact me first because he doesn’t want me to think he wants to get back with me. We ended up having sex. He was loving and affectionate when we didn’t talk about the past. He drove me home and reached for my hand to hold the whole way home. After he dropped my off I txted him something funny and he responded. 3 days later for the first time he initiated a txt regarding something that we are both fond of. A movie series. I kept it short and then 2 days later he txted me again over something trivial that he didn’t actually need to txt me for. Again I kept it short. I decided to go NC. I think 2 weeks in he txted me HBDAY and I ignored it. And on day 28 he txted me to let me know about something coming on tv and I ignored him until 2 days later. I txted him back and kept it short. It seemed like it was fine and I actually turned him down when he mentioned something about getting together to hang out. And ended the conversation. The next day he unfriend me on FB and I let it go. The next day I txted him and he ignores me and I confronted him and he told me he unfriend me because he was mad I ignored him when he txted me HBDAY and turned down hanging out with him. We cleared the air and I got to the point where enough was enough because I felt like I was being stringed along or used as a security blanket. So I told him give my things back. After we are done with the exchange. Never ever contact me ever again. Ever since that he started being nice to me. Being apologetic. Begging for me to respond to his txt. Sending paragraphs in txt explaining himself and apologizing when for 3 months I didn’t get much of nothing out of him. Not even a hi how are you. He even tells me he’s ready to be friends but knows I’m not ready yet. How can he be ready in 3 months even if he didn’t love me? I don’t even think he properly grieved yet. His family says he’s become a different person and his relationship with his siblings changed for the worse when they were once really close. He tells me he wants to be friends and be able to confide in me and be able to talk and share our life with each other but I can’t do that. So now that I want nothing to do with him he’s being nice and still hasn’t given me the last of my things. Which is just a bunch of things that can easily be mailed. The last time I txted him for it he ended up calling me when he has never called me since the breakup. And for the first time he was talking to me normally. Told me he could drop it off later that night and I said forget it because I will be asleep. Then later that night he decides to txt me at 1am to tell me he’s on his way home. I never responded. I know he wants to be friends but that’s not what friends do. He’s acting weird. It’s been 2 weeks since that last txt from him. I don’t plan to reply. I hate him but I can’t deny I still love him. If he wants to reconcile I’m up for it. But I don’t get his actions. Is he stringing me along? is he confused with what he wants? I am not waiting around because I have gone out with someone and have been talking to him for hours multiple times already. I just wish I knew what I ex wants from me and what to do about him. Should I keep trying with him or is it a lost cause??
Ash
May 27, 2016 at 6:41 am
My ex and I have been broken up for about 4mo and he has a new gf. I haven’t contacted him since, but recently I ran into him while hanging out with a mutual friend. Towards the end of the night he was very affectionate with me, and eventually ended up kissing me. I cut the night short, and he immediately texted me “Please be safe Ashley.” I responded the next night with an inside joke between us and the mutual friend. He responded to me afterwards saying “Hope you’ve been doing well. I’m sorry about what happened” (ignored the joke). I think he is concerned that I will tell the gf but I haven’t responded and am unsure of how to progress without addressing why hes sorry.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 5:12 am
Hi Ash,
it’s going to be awkward if you text again right after coz he might think you put meaning in the kiss.. actually you should address it to tell him it’s ok.. because right now for him to be open in being friends again, he has to see that you’re not a threat to his current relationship
Maddy
May 24, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Hey so recently my boyfriend of 5.5 years and I broke up. No apparent problems in our relationship other then we lived in a very touristy area so money was always tight. A month before he broke up with me to “find himself” we bought a car and were talking about moving out of that area. We looked at apartments and had a great time. Later that day we were walking past a jewelry store and he suggested going in and looking at rings. I thought he was joking around because so many other big things were going on so I passed and joked back. Then out of the blue he decided he “needed space”, “it’s not that I don’t love you”, “I miss you”, “I’m not saying there’s no future I just need time to figure things out”, “we should stay friends”…. I moved home (colorado back to wisconsin) and he moved in with buddies. I bought into all of this stuff and continued talking to him on the phone and texting but i was on an emotional roller coaster that was hard on me and probably him…7 days ago I got mad and told him never to contact me again. (my version of starting the NC rule, maybe too harsh lol) The last time I saw him he noticed i was crying and hugged me for a long time. And my dad came out to help me move and he sat in the living room and drank a beer and watched tv with us one night after packing all day. My question is; Was he just letting me down nicely and of course it being an emotional time I figured he was telling me to hold out hope? Or could he be serious? I think these fit under the mixed signals.
maddy
June 7, 2016 at 10:19 pm
Hey thanks for getting back to me Amor! We have a lot of bills together so it’s been hard because then we start talking again. I went for 10 days. Then we talked every day for the last week and last night he made the comment that his friends think i’m the “crazy ex girlfriend” the next round of bills aren’t due for another 30 days so I’m starting again. He says he doesn’t think I am because we were together for so long. He also said now he only has a few more things to think about. I found out he was talking a lot (70 texts between them a day) to a coworker. I’m not sure if they still talk all the time i’m afraid to look at our phone bill and see. He says they hang out every once in a while but she’s doing her own thing. This started up after we looked at rings. He says if I would have found a ring things might be different. We bickered but we never really fought too much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 8:30 am
Hi Maddy,
How many days are you in no contact? Have you started to do new things? Do you have any clue why he wanted a break? Did you fight?
Sandy
May 24, 2016 at 5:55 pm
My ex and I broke up two months ago. I completed no contact and ignored his texts for a little over thirty days. I know I’m doing very well without him. I’ll be graduating this week and applying for MBA programs. He even mentioned that it seems like I’m doing good a week ago during a phone call. He also showed some jealousy by asking about some guy who followed me on Instagram.
He ended up being the gnat a few days after NC. He left bunch of texts and voicemails. We texted on and off but when I texted him first yesterday, it was one word answers from him. How did he go from a gnat to being distant?
Sandu
May 27, 2016 at 10:05 am
I asked him if he wanted to see something funny. He said “sure”. I sent him a funny meme that I knew he would laugh at. But I got no response to it. (Maybe it wasn’t as funny as I thought. Lol)
I was thinking that it’s because I ignored him a few times before and he’s doing it to me? However, even after the times I ignored him, he talked to me just fine. This time, it was a one word text from him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 5:47 am
it can be that reason.. give it a little rest, like one week before texting him.again bit if he texts durin it, repky
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 7:17 am
Hi Sandy,
what was the topic you started with? how are you now?
Mara
May 22, 2016 at 8:48 am
Hello Amor, it’s already been 7 months since me and my ex bf (6y together since highschool) broke up. We had a perfect relationship, without fighting and both believed in a future together.We both got a (rebound?) relationship soon after our break up. Although I love my new bf, I also still have strong feelings for my ex. We still keep in touch through text. He is being hot and cold towards me (saying he dreams about me, telling me how great I was as a gf, complimenting my looks, and referring to good times of us together). He also said he still wants to meet up with me. However, he almost never initiates the conversation and puts no action to his words. What should I do? I miss him and want to know what he wants… because this confuses me and gives me doubts
Mara
May 27, 2016 at 8:58 am
Yes he knows. He asked about him a couple of times (why he was not with me that night/if he went to a special group dinner with me ect.). So I guess he is fishing for information. However, I havent texted with him for two weeks now and although he does/said does things he barely initiates contact and doesnt put actions to his words…
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 5:16 am
I thinj that’s mainly because he knows you have a bf.. if you’re confused, he’s more confused because you’re already committed but you’re talking to him..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 10:23 am
Hi Mara,
DOes he know you have a new boyfriend?
Kayla
May 14, 2016 at 8:55 pm
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago after 2 years. We were talking marriage and he loved me so much then he seemed scared. He’s 22 and I’m 24. I did 30 day no contact. Then I contacted him and for about 2 months we’ve texted on and off. He texted me first frequently last week. Now he’s gone silent again. He keeps saying things like “do chicks like this and that”. Then he said he missed me. He said he hasn’t been happy. I’ve been acting nonchalant and very happy with no emotional outbursts. Why does he suddenly go silent ? Why does he send me one sentence texts and then when I reply he stops talking ? I’m confused because he acts interested then goes silent. I also think he made it to where we can only text because the two calls I made went straight to voicemail.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 6:14 am
Hi,
try to do jealousy moves now. Don’t be too forward.. just go out with friends more and post photos about it….
Nica
April 23, 2016 at 5:42 pm
Thank you muchly, Amor! I agree and have continued on to keeping the contact upbeat. My target was between 21-30, my first contact was on day 23.
Like I said, light chat continued on the 18th to show his comment had no effect and then I stopped contact again. He texted on the April 21st and we continued on the April 22nd/yesterday.
I’ve come to realize this week that most difficulties we have stem from his passive aggressive tendencies. Your average conflict is very intimidating to him, the pity evoking comments, etc. He has been acting out of fear (not love) which in turn was stressful for both of us and, in turn, I acted out of fear. No contact gives time to think and pray and see the relationship much more objectively..thankfully. 🙂
Anyway, there is more work ahead and, of course, more if we choose to get back together.
Thanks again and onward!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 25, 2016 at 10:53 am
you’re welcome!
nica
April 20, 2016 at 5:28 pm
Thank you ALL very much for this website. Hopefully, I can make this as short as possible. How many times have you heard that? : )
Bf/fiance broke up with me after a year and 4 months on March 23 by long text message which did not give any specific reasons. We had been butting heads more recently, but nothing that would indicate a breakup. I began no contact immediately and went on vacation 2 weeks later.
He proceeded to write letters to two of my family members received on March 28 and March 30. If an objective person read these letters, they would think that either it was a mutual decision or that I broke up with him.
On April 3 he sent me a text that “I care and am thinking about you.”
On April 12, I received a package with some things. Some basic stuff and some of sentimental value. He also enclosed a letter stating that I miss the good times we had and shared, I still love you, care a lot and think about you all the time.” He signed the letter with “maybe someday.” I basically took this as his way of seeing if I was still interested, but I wanted to be sure.
On April 15/day 23, I made contact with a hello from my vacation and a comment to get a reply. There was some brief, light back and forth texting on the 15th and 16th.
There is a continuous theme in letters and texts of evoking pity. Such as “I know it doesn’t matter, you don’t have to reply, half of this music makes me happy, half makes me sad, glad I was able to bring one good thing to you.” The last comment I replied to matter of factly with with “more than one.”
On the 17th, I asked for clarification on what he meant by “maybe someday.” He replied “maybe someday possibilities will exist. Maybe yes, maybe no. I don’t know.”
So, I fell for a mixed signal. I purposely continued light chat the next day to show that my feelings were neutral on his reply. Although, never have they been neutral. :/
Yesterday, neither of us made contact.
My plan is to let him make contact and reply decently.
Does this sound reasonable? Also, do you have any feedback on the communication so far and the pity evoking comments?
Thanks in advance!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 11:05 am
Hi Nica,
if you’re target was 21 days, you were doing good but then I think it was too early to ask what the status of your relationship is.. he’s just starting to miss you but he’s not at the point of wanting you back.. I think you’re right that you should wait until he texts first..but everytime he does that, make it interesting and end the convo at high note
Zara
April 20, 2016 at 6:17 am
My ex boyfriend of a year broke up with me to “work on himself” & “get a fresh start in his life” & “something is missing between the two of us” I feel we are “just friends.” I did some begging while it happened & sadly I admit a few days later I called him to see if he was happy with his decision & to see if we could work things out. Anyways I went NC for 25 days. He never messaged me. I posted things on snapchat that he saw which showed me being busy & having fun etc. I sent friendly texts after 25 days to which he responded to right away neutrally. I got a little flirty & he seemed to respond well. All is starting well. Then my birthday came up today. He wished me happy birthday & asked if I had plans. I said no I already celebrated it over the weekend that past. Anyways, when he was his work shift at 9:30pm he texted me if I work tomorrow. I called him because I was driving. I told him yes I work. He said that’s too bad we could’ve stayed out late & get drinks for your birthday. I insisted I didn’t mind even though I worked. Then he kept making excuses to not go, such as he only will get home late so we’d be starting the night late. I was mad. Why invite me & then back out instantly? I messaged him when I got home & said if he’s up to it is love to go even if it’s late. He said he was pretty tired so forget about. It’s upsetting! Why invite me out & within a minute refuse? With lame excuses? I can see that he is still online now (past 1am). I know he isn’t tired!!!
Zara
May 15, 2016 at 11:29 pm
I need to cut him off. She’s over right now. & I spoke with on of his friends who is close to both him & her & well they seem to be hiding their hang outs from their friends. Where as he tells them when we hang out. Do I call him out on his shady behaviour & cut ties? Tell him “look I’m not comfortable sleeping with you anymore because I don’t do casual. I can only sleep with you if we were committed again or it was leading somewhere. Besides, I’m also not an idiot & I’m aware you are frequently hanging out with Amy & she also spends the night. Maybe it’s harmless but a woman has intuition and I refuse to be played or used by you anymore. We had a great time when we were together & I will always cherish what we had. I wish things were different but they’re not. So this is goodbye” or is this too dramatic? i hate to say it I still ideally like to work things out. I’m pathetic I know. So with that being said should I remain oblivious to the fact he’s seeing another girl & well when I see him take sex off the table (& tell him no more unless we were committed) & see what his true colours are after. See if he was using me only for sex or cares about my company & will still see me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 8:17 am
HI Zara,
it’s better if you just stop sleeping with him.. If you hang out, don’t sleep with him or avoid being alone together.. if he asks then tell him because you’re not comfortable sleeping casually..
Zara
May 12, 2016 at 5:18 am
I should also add it’s not like the girl is his girl friend or anything serious. Seems like he spends time texting her & seeing her maybe once a week, & Wel recently well hooked up….
Zara
May 11, 2016 at 5:37 pm
Alright. More news to my situation 🙁
So I found out that the girl (his best friend’s ex) spend the night at his place this weekend that passed (a friend who lives near him saw her car late at night & then there the next morning). I thought it could be harmless since maybe she had too much to drink & simply slept there. I haven’t texted my exe since I spent the night and he ended up inviting me out after work last night with himself & his coworkers I know. I went. He did ask me to go home with him. I did, but refused his advances. Issue is, at his place I saw evidence that he actually hooked up/slept with the girl. I don’t know how to proceed at all anymore. I’m at a lost! I don’t know if I should just move on & erase him from my life. Or if I even have a chance to get him back…what can I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 1:44 am
it depends on your standards.. because he’s clearly sleeping with the other girl..
Zara
May 9, 2016 at 4:17 am
Well I found out who the girl was through someone who say the car at his place. His best friend’s ex (whom I never met). Anyways I ended up meeting up with him a week after. I initiated it. He didn’t seem excited about it & started basically sounding like he was going to back out. Instead of begging/insisting I simply said we can do it another time. guess it worked cuz a half an hour later he wrote come on over for Sangria I’m wasting my night not doing anything. I went over and we seemed to have a good time. The alcohol helped loosen us but well I slept with him. He initiated it. I left next morning. He initiated the next meet up to where his best friend’s ex was over with one of his guy friends. Very awkward for me lol! Anyways they left and I spent the night again. But we were both sober & I felt he was using me. He was not sweet and affectionate at all and basically kicked me out the next morning even though we both had the day off. I didn’t feel good. Now he hasn’t initiated any texts and when I text every couple days he answers pretty short. I know I must not sleep with him again & I have no plans on it. But what should I do next to get him to text me more or respond better? Go into a mini nc and wait for him to text me? Also, should I initiate another meet up or wait until he does?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 11:30 am
nope don’t initiate another meet up.. check this post out.. coz it elaborates more what you should do after that..
EBR 030: What To Do If You Sleep With Your Ex Boyfriend
Zara
April 27, 2016 at 1:30 pm
Thank you sooooo much for your help & for listening 🙂 I shall keep you updated if anything happens in the future or I I need new advice 🙂
Zara
April 26, 2016 at 2:41 pm
Do I try having texting conversations with him like nothing happened?
Or should I go NC and wait for him to text me?
Don’t worry I have no plans on being the first person to invite him anywhere!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 7:54 am
try a mini nc, like a week and then go out have fun.. it’s okay if you initiate after that, and yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s better to just not to talk about it if it will just cause a fight.. talk about it when he’s in a really good mood.
Zara
April 24, 2016 at 4:16 am
There’s an update to my situation that I need help with. So since my birthday where he wanted to invite me out and then changed his mind, he initiated text conversations with me every day. I was happy it was like old times. But then last night happened….
There was a dinner/outing with people we have in common. He asked me via text if I was going, to which I said yes. As we chatted we both agreed we were starving now and couldn’t wait until later to eat, and that we were both in a lazy mood and didn’t feel like going all the way to the outing which was an hour away from us. We both decided to bail on the outing. He then asked me do you want to go get food? I said sure and suggested a mexican restaurant near by. He said I will leave in 10 minutes, meet you there. Then 2 minutes later he texts: I’m really lazy. Then another text: I’m really poor right now I went out crazy last night and I’m super hungover and spent a lot of money. Sorry I can’t get out of bed. I got mad and texted that it’s not cool to suggest doing something then bailing on it. I mentioned he did it to me on my birthday too. He claimed he didn’t remember doing that, and said it’s not like the plans were set up ahead of time. It was last minute suggestion. I said how about we eat at a cheap fast food restaurant. He said ok that works….then changed his mind! Said no I don’t want to get out of bed. Then said it’s getting late anyways and he made new plans at 8pm. A friend was coming over. He said he is going to stay home and make food. I told him ok well tonight is clearly a disaster, and said would you like to do something tomorrow. He said no he’s busy but we’d do something soon.
Then minutes later he texts: did you eat yet? I said no. Do you want to get A&W I’m in the mood. I said ok as long as in 10 seconds you don’t change your mind again….he said give me a second. Sorry Im going to make food at home. I am livid at this point and tell him again that it’s not ok to suggest doing things then backing out. He insisted he isn’t trying to be a dick. He is just not in the mood to leave his house.
I jokingly said ok well if you bail on your friend at 8pm let me know, we can do something lazy. He said no he won’t bail because he hasn’t seen his friend in over a year. I asked if it was his overseas teacher friend. He said “no you don’t know her.” I didn’t want to or mean to freak out but of course I did. I was already in an upset mood for his suggesting/bailing all night. I started interrogating him because well, I was jealous. Big mistake obviously. I asked is it a date? he replied not at all. Ex flame? no. How do you know her? He said is it were a guy friend would I be asking all those questions. I said no, but I’m just curious how you know them because you made last minute plans with her that you aren’t bailing on like you bailed on me tonight. He replied: Whatever I’m done. I said ok well have fun. Keep in mind I’m free Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night.
I know I messed up. I don’t know if I can fix it. Everything seemed to be going so well. I know I should’ve stopped the conversation the moment he was being wishy-washy. But I just really wanted to do something with him! Things were going soooooo well.
I did text an apology today. I said: I’m sorry my hanger (anger due to hunger) got the best of me last night. It just bothered me that you suggested doing something with me and then backed out. You know how personal I take it when it happens with anybody bailing on me. It was my bad for not respecting the mood you were in. I definitely owe you a drink for that. Sangria? On a patio? Let me know, you know when I’m free.
I added the drink part in hopes he’d make plans with me. But I know it might have come off too strong….Anyways he hasn’t responded. I don’t know if I expect him too.
What do you think I should do? Even when he was acting this way I love him and want him back….
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 11:02 am
stop right there..and from now on don’t be available.. next time he asks out.. make sure he goes there first.. don’t text until he says he’s there and already.. don’t invite him..and he should be the one apologizing for doing that to you.. go out with other friends, don’t invite him and have fun
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 6:03 am
Hi Zara,
maybe he just doesn’t want to go out that late but he’s fine when he’s at home.. But next time, if it happens again, don’t insist.. Just be cool about it and let it go..
Madeline
April 11, 2016 at 1:57 pm
This site is REALLY amazing! So much change from when I first visited three years ago. Thank you, EBR, for empowering women and mending relationships!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 2:38 pm
you’re welcome!
Amy
April 7, 2016 at 1:16 am
Hi Chris,
It has been a month and a half since we broke up from long distance relationship. I am in Australia and my ex is in Argentina and I kept myself away from contacting him until yesterday. I initiated chat casually and then told him that I will be visiting Argentina. I was very happy when I first received a reply from him but it got me confused later…he was very cheerful with exclamation mark when calling my name and saying like “How are you??”. He then explained to me that he had to deal with grandmother dying of lung cancer and that these are tough times for him. He said he’s not sure what will happen around the period of my stay and asked me what I’m going to do in Argentina around that date. It was considerably long reply that I never expected. I replied back with a bit of long text saying that hope everything is okay with his grandmother and told him my period of stay. Then I asked for quick coffee and his reply was very short (he was at work) and it was just too friendly to me… “Sure! We’ll work something :)” and I am trying very hard not to overthink but it only gets me more confused every time I try not to think about it because… he came out too casually or friendly after such a dramatic breakup which all happened in one day when he used to say it’s over, you scare me, etc (but we broke up in good terms where he said “Thanks for the kind words. I wish you all the best and maybe we can talk some time in the future. X”)
I know he’s not lying about his situation because I knew something was going on with him at the time we broke up. I plan to put a smile on my face and be a happy person when I see him but I just can’t help my mixed feelings I’m getting from this message…
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 2:17 am
Hi Amy,
let’s say, just take as it is that he’s just bejng friendly because a lot has happened with him after month that seems short for you..
MK
April 6, 2016 at 2:16 am
Hi Chris, may be you can help me figure out whats happening. He broke it off about 2 months ago. I did a month of NC, he called right at 30 days asking if I had time to think and whether I realize my faults (whaaat?) anyways, we started off nice and flirty, rebuilding attraction but then he just couldnt stop bringing up stuff from the past, asking if I had slept with anyone while broken up and not trusting me. After that argument, we went a week without talking, then I called him to talk. He was glad I called but kept saying he wished it didnt take me so long to call him.. I told him I still cared about us.. He said he wanted to sleep on it and talk tomorrow. When tomorrow came, he sent me a text saying he thinks too much damage has been done and that we ran our course and that it really hurts him to say that but I should heal.. Boy did I feel dumb for calling and spilling my feelings. I just replied Ok, take care. A week went by and out of the blue he called (I missed it) then text me that he was in the area and wanted to grab a drink but not to worry and “until the next random broadcast” whatever the hell that means.. I replied something neutral, like thanks of thinking of me, may be catch up next time… Now im very confused. Last week he told me it was over, and now text me about getting drinks as if nothing happend? Im mad at myself for even replying, I shouldnt have said anything.. but its done 🙁 my question is, whats going on? is he fishing? is he unsure of his decision? is he messing with me? what do i do? NC again? We already did that after the 1st month and started to talk again but its been rocky..and lots of fighting on his end. Please help!
Mikaela
April 8, 2016 at 11:55 pm
Lol. I’m not sure I understand what you meant.. Should I leave him alone?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 1:37 pm
hahaha sorry! I mean, if really doesn’t want to go back, his actions mean he just wants to keep in touch as friends with you.. decide if you want to stay as friends or move on
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 11:38 am
Hi Mk,
if he really meana that it’s done, that means he’s just being friendly
Sam
March 31, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Hi Amor,
We broke up around 3.5 month ago. I did no contact, then texted him and it was going well, until he stopped texting me first and replying and such. As a result I gradually pulled back. Around a week and a half ago he has been snap chatting me, and telling me i should text him, and that we should hang out. He has been teasing me and flirting with me. And I am not really sure what I should do here. I am a tad bit hestitant to text him first because he has snubbed me a few times…
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 9:34 am
Hi Sam,
sorry for the late reply.. You can reply casually to him, you can start with asking how is he is or replying in humour what you can’t say directly to him
Ellie
March 30, 2016 at 3:08 pm
Hello! My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. He jumped into a rebound relationship 3 weeks after the breakup and is currently still in it. However, he has began reaching out to me. He has been texting and calling and we have even hung out a few times. He tells me he still has feelings for me and wants to get back together and work out our relationship problems. But he seems to be “hot and cold”. Last week he text and called every day and we hung out twice. This week I have barely heard from him. I don’t want to be pushy because I am afraid of pushing him away but I also want to keep stepping in the right direction for reconciliation. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 8:33 am
Hi Ellie,
did he leave the other girl?
Andrea
March 29, 2016 at 11:45 pm
Hi Chris,
My bf of 1 year and 3 months out of the blue dumped me. We rarely fought and when we did it was over stupid things that could have been avoided if we had talked about them sooner. I’m his first real serious long term relationship. His past relationships only lasted if anything 3-5 months. We were happy though. He even made sure that I had an amazing first Christmas and that I wasn’t alone for the holidays. when he broke up with me all he could say was that he couldn’t do it anymore and that he didn’t think he could give me what I wanted. About 3 weeks after the break up was Valentines Day and we did wind up spending it together. He cooked dinner and we had a good time. We have been hanging out since then for 2 months going on 3 now and he said he wanted to stop doing the friends with benefits thing with me and just be friends. After an argument we had he had found out how I felt and that we both had done some things wrong in the relationship. I also had mentioned to him that I had gone a few dates since the break up but didn’t go anywhere with them. He has also seen a bunch of guys trying to flirt with me at a bar we frequent. That when push came to shove I weighed the pro’s and cons of things he did that bothered the hell out of me and decided that he was worth it because I cared and liked him that much. We never said I love you to each other but it was definitely there. In our 1 year anniversary card he had said to someone who found a very special place in my heart. His actions were of those of someone who loved the other I was somewhat blind to those. Lately, we have been hanging out and he has been sending mixed signals. Such as, calling me sweetie or babe, making sure he texts me good morning and asking how my day has been. He also texts me still saying sleep well and sweet dreams and sometimes he will add sweetie or babe to that. He has been touchy like making sure when we are close in his kitchen he lets his hand linger on my lower waist and back or when he gives me a hug he lingers and it is a very tight long hug and he massages my back and gives me a kiss on the cheek when he does that. It is so confusing. Because I don’t know if these are subtle signs that he wants me back. I have been playing hot cold right back with him as well and letting him contact me for the most part for the last few weeks. What should I do and is it possible that he could want to get me back? And if so, what should I do to make sure he does?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 6:59 am
Hi Andrea,
you have to maintain what you have right now but don’t go back to being friends with benefits.. Try to go out and spend more time and then after that day, be busy the next and be active in it..
Kelly
March 14, 2016 at 10:38 am
Hi Chris,
Hoping you can help me with something.
Okay so after two and a half years of a relationship, he broke up with me because he wasn’t happy as we’d have arguments every so often and he didn’t feel like he had time to do his own thing – his hobby. This happened a week ago.
This is also after some really traumatic stuff went down in his family over the past year, which is still continuing.
At first I texted and called him constantly, making him block me. Now a few days past that I found a way to contact him. He actually replied surprisingly and vaguely agreed to meet with me for coffee. See when I say vaguely he didn’t reply to my last message and we never set a date or decided who would set that it was a simple: ‘Yeah, soon I just got some stuff to finish’. I replied saying that was fine and asked if we could do it in the next week, he replied with yeah. I then I said something small and said whenever you’re free?. He never responded after that.
Do you think he would meet me? After all why would he say he will considering he could’ve just said no. I’m not sure how I feel about this, but do you think it’s a step forward?
Thanks,
Kelly
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 12:16 pm
HI Kelly,
It can be a step forward.. Let’s wait if he will reply in the coming days.
Ann
February 23, 2016 at 5:54 pm
Hi Chris. I really hope you may be able to shed some light on this ‘mixed signal.’
My boyfriend of about three years just broke it off. We have had many ups and downs and he has done his fair share of lying to me over the years. I believe that he does (or at least did) love me as he would tell me how I was his best friend and no matter what he couldn’t NOT have me in his life at some level – and said this multiple times. We have broken up a few times over his him being dishonest and each time he has come back trying to right the wrong but it just wore on me to the point where I could not trust him with anything and – into this ‘final’ relationship attempt – I completely turned into a crazy psycho girlfriend because I just was having an incredibly hard time believing him (and not to mention he didn’t feel like he had to try very hard to earn back my trust) and I said very mean things that I definitely regret.
Anyway – this just happened. The weekend before he was telling me how much he loved me. Over the weekend I went crazy over something that I thought he was lying about and he ended it. We work together (which is awful) and at work he appears to be SO FREAKING HAPPY. Like he is suddenly everyone’s best bud and telling 100 jokes a day and all I can do is try not to cry. Is it really that he is relieved he doesn’t have to deal with my drama and freak outs or is it just an act?
Thank you for ANY insight as am simply just trying to not break into tears every day while he seems to be happier than I have seen him in a long time. I just am having a hard time with it because he has always said I was his best friend and now (after three days on No Contact) – he seems perfectly fine.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 10:06 am
Hi Ann,
For me the cycle has to stop… you said it yourself. He didn’t have to try very hard for you.. Make him work for it.. Because if he worked for you, he’ll value you more
T
February 20, 2016 at 9:11 am
So I was working abroad and met this guy while he was on holiday. He was there for a period of four days and it just felt so easy. We talked constantly throughout my time there and him in the U.K. I was in Spain. I was due to come home in the 6 weeks but he flew out to surprise me two weeks before I came home and it was so nice. No one had ever done that. I was sceptical at first and although always replying and admitting I liked him I held off on the ‘official boyfriend and girlfriend’ as I had been hurt previously and I hadn’t planned on meeting anyone as soon as him. He was happy to wait and told me so, he just wanted to be with me and me be his. I flew home and we were inseparable and it felt so EASY which I hadn’t had in a long time. He made me laugh constantly and I honestly felt so happy. He constantly communicates with me, is romantic, buys me flowers every week, flew me to Venice as a surprise and I really felt his efforts of attention and love made me fall for the person he is. Made me realise there are other people out there that can treat you properly. Moving on 6 months I have been feeling a bit down, triggered by an argument with a family member and we’ve been arguing. I’m not sure if I’ve took it out on him but things that never bothered me now do. He feels unhappy and like he can’t do anything right. That’s not how I want him to feel. We had a massive argument 6 days ago and I stormed out of his place. We didn’t speak for a few days and when I got in contact he said he’d felt fine all week without me and just wanted to be on his own and concentrate on his business. I got so upset that he had ended it. I hounded him for a day or so (unlike me, but I had to let him know I cared and it wasn’t him). Eventually he said he was confused and he didn’t know what he wanted. He’s been having doubts about us but couldn’t tell me. He said he didn’t want to be with me, now he’s confused and now he’s agreed to meet up to talk on Monday or Tuesday after this weekend. He just wants some space. I don’t know what to expect or how to approach. I can be very cold and he’s told me that when I’m angry so although no contact sounds great ( I will do this until Monday/Tuesday) I don’t want to come across the wrong way …please help me.
Joan
February 19, 2016 at 4:21 pm
My boyfriend of 5 years (who, by the way is 63 – I am 53) broke up with me a few days ago. This is the probably the fifth break up in the 5 years. He has given me mixed signals, one time pulling me in, giving me a Valentine’s card which said our relationship was worth fighting for, etc., etc. He could, though, never tell me he loved me (he would say he would, in time, but that never came) I started to question why he can’t love me and that he would never be affectionate with me (for the past 4 months) I have asked him if there was someone else and he would be adamant about the fact that there was not. (his first marriage ended about 6 years ago and he went through an emotionally horrible time with it) When he broke up with me, he said I needed to go find someone who can love me and that he could not turn the corner in our relationship. I’m not sure why it took him years to come to this conclusion and I would have ended it myself and should have but he kept pulling me back in then pushing me away. It was so confusing but I am a person who is hopeful so I kept, wrongly, going back. When he told me this, I basically said okay and that I hoped he would find a woman he could love and I thanked him for bringing good things into my life during our relationship. He abruptly hung up. I know it is time for me to move on to a healthy relationship and hopefully that will happen but I am so confused by this man, that it will be a difficult move…
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 7:24 am
Hi Joan,
He is confusing.. give him time, so he can also gatherhis thoughts
ANON
February 19, 2016 at 3:37 pm
Hi,
I’ve been avoiding my ex-boyfriend for the past two weeks. We’ve been in no contact for exactly that long, and we’ve been in low contact for about a month. It’s been maybe 3 and a half months since the break up. I started no contact because he seemed like he didn’t want to be around me, and be was very cold towards me when I tried to approach him. Anyways, two weeks later (at midnight, for some reason) he emailed me asking me whether I was okay, because he hadn’t seen me at school. I emailed him back and told him I was fine, and he proceeded to ask how I was doing. I told him great, and thanked him for checking on me, but then I received a call from an unknown number. I answered it, and lo and behold it was him. He proceeded to tell me about a “crazy party” he had, told me he had broken up with his rebound girl, who he started dating about 2 months after the break up. But then he told me he is “sort of seeing” another girl who goes to our school. I was pleasant, didn’t show much interest, and told him I was happy for him. He asked me whether I was dating anyone or whether I was sleeping with anyone, which I am not. After this he wanted to know if my spare class was still at the same time as his.
Finally, he apologized to me for reaching out for sex in the past. Then he “apologized in advance” for any future times that he tries to do so since he’s “not really with anyone”. I told him it was okay, and that I promised to say no if that ever happened. I told him that it wasn’t all his fault since I agreed to it before, but that it didn’t interest me anymore. I told him I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, that I’m happy not dating anyone and that I will probably look for someone in university when I move away. (At this point he didn’t know I was planning on moving away). The entire time that I was telling him how I’m doing great he kept repeating over and over, “good, that’s good, it’s food to bear that from you”. A few times he kept bringing up things from the past, like “can you believe we used to talk every night like this?” He also kept discussing the reasons we broke up and why it was supposedly the right decision (he broke up with me, and for a long time I did not take it well. Became a call and text gnat among other mistakes). I was vague, did not engage him in those conversations, but overall gave the impression that I didn’t care much whether he dated other people and that I was doing just fine on my own. Which I truly am. Up until recently I was depressed and obsessive over getting him back but now I feel as if I could take it or leave it.
Anyways, the same night, he also requested to add me as a friend on Facebook. 2 months ago he refused to accept my own friend request, telling me he wanted his privacy and didn’t want to be concerned about what he could and couldn’t post. He sent me the friend request BEFORE our email and phone conversation, so I don’t think be added me just because be sees I can be cool and calm now. And if that ISN’T the reason, then I have to wonder whether he just wants to be friends or whether he’s trying to check up on me and see if he can get me back. Either way I’m going to continue my practice of not reaching out to him, but I wanted to see if anyone had any insight about this whole thing? Especially the bit about him seeing another girl. Why would he mention this to me? To make me jealous, or to let me know that him calling was just a platonic way to “make amends” and nothing more? Or was he just lonely and missing me, and will he most likely disappear again?
We are both still in high school and we were together for 3 and 1/2 years. I suspect he broke up with me because of GIGS. Immediately after he started partying more, drinking more. His relationship with his mom is very strained now, he said he might move out. For a long time he string me along, telling me he loved me but wasn’t in love with me, that we might get back together someday, but that I should still move on, etc. The actual reasons he gave for breaking up were that he wanted to find himself, be single, etc. even though he’s clearly pursuing other relationships. He started pursuing his first rebound relationship about two weeks after the breakup, and now that she’s out of the picture he is after someone else already! I don’t believe this would have allowed him to effectively move on yet. Am I correct?
ANON
February 20, 2016 at 10:36 pm
It seems odd that he only ever reaches out to me when he starts dating someone else. It’s really emotionally tough for me to be with other people that way, since it really hasn’t been that long. We were each other’s first everything and your wouldn’t believe the level of devotion he gave me. So its hard for me to accept that it can just change for him so quickly. I wish he could realize how much this is hurting me and stop the mind games.
ANON
February 20, 2016 at 10:32 pm
Update: I saw him with the new girl (it actually almost seemed like he timed it so I would) and they seem to be more than “just seeing each other”. They left together, alone, for a Friday night and were touching a lot. Why would he tell me that he “isn’t really with anyone”? In the past he didn’t contact me until he got with his rebound girlfriend (who be also lied about) and he seemed much more willing to see me when they were dating. Then when they broke up he was cold again. And now that he has this new girl he wants to talk to me again. What is going on in his head? Does he just like having two women after him (which I won’t give him) or is he trying to make sure I don’t move on just because he’s dating someone?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2016 at 11:34 am
so if he’s doing the same moves as before.. expect the same reason.. It’s like his pattern right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 7:17 am
Hi Anon,
I think he misses you but just continue what you’re doing because you’re right.. we don’t know what he really wants.. observe first