Desperation 101- How To Get Your Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

481 thoughts on “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”

Emily

January 25, 2018 at 8:32 pm

I sent this message a couple weeks ago:

We broke up over 3 months ago and have stayed broken up. I chased him right after and then we went through a period of no contact. We were together for a year and broke up because we started long distance and he broke up with me because it was difficult. Things seemed to be going well as we were talking again so I told him my feelings and he hasn’t responded the last couple of weeks. So I became a text gnat one week and that hasn’t helped..is there any way to fix it?

***so jump forward to now, I broke NC we spoke and he said he was tired of all the conversations we had turning into trying to get back together since it wasn’t something he was ready to do and I agreed I didn’t want push it and I meant it, I wanted things to be healthier, but then the next day he stopped answering me and I sent ESSAYS of texting saying I still wanted him in my life and I knew we weren’t together I just wanted to know if we could try at least being friends and obviously he hasn’t answered them. What should I do? I regret sending all of those texts and know I can’t take them back

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2018 at 11:24 am

Hi Emily,

how many times have you restarted nc?

S

January 21, 2018 at 11:14 pm

hi,
My boyfriend and I just recently broke it off, about 5 days now. We were in a long distance relationship but had plans for me to move to where he lived after i was finished working for a year. The reason we broke it off wasnt to do with problmes concerning him and I, it had to do with my family treating him not nicely and he got so uncomfortable to the point he broke it off cause he said he couldnt see a future with me because of my family hating him. Is there any hope for me at all that we will get back together, we have not blocked eachother on any social media and i just started the no contact. Also hes a little bit younger than me so i dont know if that also has to do with anything as well. I hope to hear from you

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2018 at 4:56 am

Hi S,

Dont block him.. Well, he’s in a relationship with you, with your family. Just remind him of that when he cools down.. If he still insists on breaking up, start the ncrule

Self-forgiveness

January 17, 2018 at 8:03 am

My boyfriend and I were dating for 7 months (only exclusive for 2 of them) we lived a couple hour from each other. things moved fast bc of the distance. I was staying at his place several nights in a row. He hasn’t had someone live with him in 20 years. Only a handful of serious relationships within that time only lasting a year or less but no one stayed with him. He opened up his home to me, wanting me to stay even more then I was. He was almost 50 with no children and said he had never met anyone he wanted to marry, have kids with or live with until he met me. He friends all couldn’t believe how smitten he was either. We never fought BUT I would bring up how non-existent our relationship was when we weren’t together. He was not a texter or phone person. It would be hours before a response. We discussed it and came to a resolution. Then disaster happened. We discussed if it made sense to continue (because of the investment and time) *if I would never move to him. I was unsure at the time if I would but he thought I said I never would. Either way he was upset and he closed up and stopped talking so I took that as he wanted me out I was unsure so the next morning I packed up my few belongings just in case since I don’t live right around the corner. (I didnt even think he would realize the stuff was gone) I didn’t hear from him all day so later that night I text him I acted normal (bc that day after removing my things it finally clicked that I would move to his city after the pain I felt from taking my stuff and feeling like it was over) apparently he noticed the stuff missing and you can tell he was extremely upset. I wanted to discuss it that night but he was too busy and i got upset that I wasn’t important enough. We finally spoke and our communication sucked, I was upset he had ignored me for 2 days and I broke up with him. The next morning I apologized saying it was our first fight and we can figure it out. That evening he said I got your text. I asked a few times if he had anything to say and didn’t get a response until 1am saying he agreed we need to talk. Since he sleeps much later I figured he call when he woke. I finally text him at 5pm saying I was excited he agreed then at 10pm I sent an immature message thst he was pushing me away because this was another 2 days I felt like he was ignoring me. He asked if that was necessary and said he think my need for attention is greater then he can provide. I sent a not so nice reply saying to look in the mirror at his failed relationships bc of his lack of responding to ppl and I’ve never been called needy before. (But he had at last 3 I knew went bad for this same reason ppl feeling ignored) then next morning I apologized again. But never heard from him nor did I respond again. Then 3 days later I apologized again and he said he agreed we need to talk. He blew me off for 2 days again. We finally spoke the day before x-mas eve when my family gets together. The conversation went ok until the end when I brought up him coming he declined saying he couldn’t just fake it. (At this point we hadn’t seen each other in a week) I said I would come up now and we could be all better before tmr and he refused. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to see each other. I ask what he wanted and he said he wasn’t excited about the relationship anymore (only since the fight) and he was afraid I would end up resenting him and he needed time to think. Our last conversation was on the 22nd I text him happy new year (heard nothing) and still have not heard from since nor have I reached out. During this time I realized I WAS being needy and I also feel like I pointing out everything he was doing wrong. I drafted a letter to make a more since apology. Here is my question(s) It will soon be 5 weeks since the breakup, 4 weeks since we spoke (3 since my quick text) is it too soon to send a letter or do I wait to see if he will contact me at all. I really want to send the letter bc I owe him the deeper apology regardless of any expectations of a response. But I would also like to include in the letter the importance of rebuilding trust. I want to say only he can decide if he is willing to trust me again but I would like to earn it. And ask him to let my action be the ultimate proof and he would see the sincerity in the way I handle myself. Is that too much?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2018 at 8:15 am

Hi,
You already apologized.. That’s enough.. sending a letter looks like you’re chasing.

Emily

January 14, 2018 at 10:53 pm

Hi, me again

We broke up over 3 months ago and have stayed broken up. I chased him right after and then we went through a period of no contact. We were together for a year and broke up because we started long distance and he broke up with me because it was difficult. Things seemed to be going well as we were talking again so I told him my feelings and he hasn’t responded the last couple of weeks. So I became a text gnat one week and that hasn’t helped..is there any way to fix it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2018 at 2:41 pm

You can try nc one last time.. Do at least 45 days..move on without totally moving in and continue doing so after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport

Emily

January 11, 2018 at 10:48 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I broke up a couple of months ago and have gone through periods of contact, no contact, and even seeing each other once. I thought everything was going well until I was more blunt about my feelings and I haven’t heard from him since. I even became a text gnat and sent and dozens and dozens of (unanswered) texts before giving up. I regret doing it but the damage is done. How can I come back from my ignored mess?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2018 at 8:22 pm

Hi Emily,

Did you mean you broke up two months ago and you chased him? How many times have you broken up before, how long was the relationship? Why did you break up?

elizabeth

January 1, 2018 at 9:33 pm

Hi I was with my boyfriend for about 11 months, he’s broken up with me four times block me and unblock me through this whole entire process. And he had a couple friends that used to like me that were involved in the situation with telling him that I was all right for him. He would unblock me and tell me that he missed me, And and owned a piece of us so heart or he wanted to hang out with me that he didn’t want to lose me etc. I would never not be there for every text or phone call throughout this process even when we weren’t together. Yet if I went through anything remotely negative he would break up with me within seconds. And then we would start the process all over again. He would tell me he was devastated without me and he knew that he was in love with me, now if I called him from a blocked number since he was always block me unblock me and I wanted him back he would post on Facebook that I was insane. He would immediately take it down if friend said anything but I’m totally confused, because when we got back together he would ask me to move in with him but now he’s been on a 23 day block situation which we been there before and then he went on block me again so now I’m trying the no contact rule. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 4, 2018 at 7:53 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

that’s good that you’re in nc.. Do 45 days, start the count from today, be active in improving yourself and in posting, just make your posts public

elizabeth

January 1, 2018 at 9:31 pm

Hi I was with my boyfriend for about 11 months, he’s broken up with me four times block me and unblock me through this whole entire process. And he had a couple friends that used to like me that were involved in the situation with telling him that I was all right for him. He would unblock me and tell me that he missed me, Aro and a piece of us so hard or he wanted to hang out with me that he didn’t want to leave me etc. I would never not be there for every text or phone call throughout this process even when we weren’t together. Yet if I went through anything remotely negative he would break up with me within seconds. And then we would start the process all over again. He would tell me he was devastated without me and he knew that he was in love with me, now if I called him from a blocked number since he was always block me unblock me and Tom that I wanted him back he would post on Facebook that I was insane. He would immediately take it down if friend said anything but I’m totally confused, because when we got back together he would ask me to move in with him but now he’s been on a 23 day block situation which we been there before and then he went on block me again so now I’m trying the no contact rule. What should I do?
Emily

December 18, 2017 at 9:02 am

My ex boyfriend were together for about several months but we ended things mutually and on good terms because he was leaving the country.
It has been over two years without contact and the two of us have had other partners since but I have come to realize that I want him back.
What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 7:21 pm

Hi Emily,

check this one:
Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart

Nicole

November 9, 2017 at 11:08 pm

My ex boyfriend and I broke up a year ago and he went on to date another girl for 6 months (until June 2017). Previous to the break up, we had been dating almost 3 years. This past summer we were talking again on and off and he had made it seem like he wanted to win me back, but I didn’t let him do so easily. At the end of summer I found out he was talking to and seeing other girls, but he insisted that he would stop and that I was the only girl that was important in his life. As the school year started, he visited me twice and I visited him once. During my visit (2 weeks ago) I told him that I think we should stop talking because he kept saying he doesn’t know what he wants with me anymore, that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to date me or not even though he still likes me. He said he’s not ready and that he might be in the future but he doesn’t think that we should stop talking but he would if I insisted on it. When I left, he had made it seem like we would still talk but I haven’t heard from him since and I did not try to contact him myself either. It has almost been 2 weeks. I really want to call him and ask him if he still wants to try to work/figure things out or not, but at the same time I want him to contact me first. Should I just keep following through with no contact? What other steps should I take? Thanks for your help, I’m desperate because I love him and it’s been very hard for me to let go of him, even after I did no contact on him for 4 months after our initial break up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2017 at 11:55 pm

Hi Nicole,

check this one:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

Kim

October 17, 2017 at 6:55 am

Hi! My ex boyfriend and i broke up for about 2 months already. He’s now courting another girl. That hurts me a lot. knowing that he’s already moved on while I’m still miserable. We’re on the no contact period. My friends keeps on seeing him near my workplace. What do you think would that mean?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2017 at 8:55 pm

Hi Kim,
It would be safer not to assume anything because it’s too vague to conclude anything..

Grace

September 20, 2017 at 6:34 pm

Hello Chris! I was getting my ex back and almost succeeded we went on a trip together but we were not really back together. We fought during the trip because he was talking to the girls at the bar and I got a little jealous so we argued it was a big fight but then we were good for the rest of the trip. He told me he wants me to move on cause we’ve been through a lot I apologize during the trip for the fight. Back at home I try to talk to him as usual and he replied and then I kept try to talk to him about random things and it’s been 10 texts messages unanswered. 1 daily! He won’t talk to me at all at it’s been 2 weeks already!! I need help I feel hopeless cause is the first time he ignores me like this! Also I forgot to mention I told him that I love him during our argument. He didn’t say anything he only hug me and said I can’t force it. Need help

Grace

September 27, 2017 at 7:59 pm

I did it 30 days last time we broke up last may and we were kind of starting again after 1 and a half month of our break up, by mid July we were starting from the beginning. We were not really together we were not exclusive we were trying! I’m september we went to our trip together and we fought because I felt jealous because he was talking to other girls which I shouldn’t do that cause we were not together I was in the process of getting him back which I ruined it I guess cause I show my intentions to him of getting him back and also during our argument he asked me why I’m being so jealous he said “do you love me?” And I didn’t say anything but then I said yes I love you and it hurts I love you. The next 2 days of the trip he seemed to be ok but distant. So I guess he pulled back because of my jealousy or because I showed my intentions and feelings. It’s been 3 weeks now since the last time I saw him or heard of him. 12 unanswered texts and I’m in 4 day of no contact now. But it feels hopeless now cause it seems that he thinks he can’t be with me because of how I acted. Need help! Thank you Amor
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 29, 2017 at 12:20 am

That means it would be better to make it 45 days and the last try of nc and slowly building rapport.. if it doesn’t work, move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2017 at 9:44 pm

Hi Grace,

Do nc.. Have you done it before? If yes, how long?

Meren

May 17, 2017 at 11:31 pm

Hi Chris. PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME. I broke up with my ex 2 days ago and he just simply agreed. I would like to point out that this is only the second time I broke up with him. He, on the other hand, broke up with me so many times and I had actually had to beg for him to come back. He usually won’t come back and sometimes only comes back due to the emotional threat that I might do somethjng to myself. We even got to the point where he actually got mad at me for being so stubborn and desperate.
I broke up with him 2 days ago because it felt like he wasn’t fighting for us anymore.

I know him Chris. When he decides on something, he is firm with it even if he quite regret it. And one of my friends who also happened to be his bestfrjend told me that he didn’t want to get back together. And that his decision is final. Even the bestfriend is asking me to just simply move on. But I really really lovw the guy, Chris. I WANT HIM BACK SO BAD. :'(

In your honest opinion, do you think I can still get him back? :'( :'( please please do reply. I am so helpless and desperate right now

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Hi Meren,

dont break up with your bf to try to control him.. as of now, if he keeps breaking up with and you always begged, that means it’s a small chance that he would be asking you back because you’re always chasing him..are you going to do the advice above?

Gly

January 10, 2017 at 11:39 am

Hi Chris!

me and my boyfriend recently I really don’t know if it’s really a break up because I didn’t agree to it yet and he said that giving him space isn’t helping the relationship and he decides to give up and doesn’t want to be in our relationship right now it hurts and pains me so much and it’s so stupid of me to beg and asked for a chance even if he didn’t want to things changed because of our job training for this semester but it feels like it’s because of all the stresses at work he doesn’t want to deal with me anymore and because i’m not helping or alleviating with the stress im just sad if our relationship would come to an end 2yrs.+ easily gone to waste :'( i’m trying to engage the NC rule hoping that it would work out because he was fed up everytime he recalls my past mistake yes I had hurt him physically by slapping because I was too drunk and we both argued at that time because of it he changed do you think we can still fix this? :'(

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 10:16 am

Hi Gly,

don’t just wait. Be active in improving yourself and do at least 30 days..

Bambi

December 24, 2016 at 10:04 am

My boyfriend recently (two days) broke up with me because he had his priorities on himself (professional gaming), doesn’t have time for me/doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t love me as much as he did before in addition, he is good at lying (apparently i was clingy and he liked it at first), this was my first real relationship and I’ve suggested to be friends with benefits on impulse (we haven’t talked to since then and don’t intend to until April about his) and I don’t know what to do to influence him to regain feelings/straighten his priorities

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 12:08 pm

Hi Bambi,

aside from the advice above, check this:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz

Sharleen

December 20, 2016 at 5:50 pm

Hi Chris
My boyfriend recently broke up with me & im heartbroken! We had an amazing relationship & even he said it all the time. He ended things because he was goin through a stressful time with wrk (now he has no Job) & money problems & also missing his children! He said he couldn’t be in a relationship because he needed time space! Since then his children have been so sad & asking to come home! He has moved his ex & children home again but told me it’s for his children & he knows it’s for the wrong reasons! I know he missed them so much! He tells me he misses me & cares for me…how can I get him back??

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Hi Sharleen,

Please correct me if I’m wrong. I didn’t understand the part that he moved his children back home for the wrong reason? Why? Are you going to try the advice above?

Paula

December 6, 2016 at 7:30 pm

My bf broke up with me a little over a month ago, we lived together but when we broke up I moved out. I made the biggest mistake of begging for basically a month. Mind you this is my first real heart break. The break up to me was out of nowhere. He basically said he felt like I wasn’t treating him right and I agree SOMETIMES, I do think we both made mistakes. He tells me he doesn’t know right now if he wants me out of his life and that he needs space and what not. He ignores my text messages and I can imagine he’s gotten annoyed due to my excessive contacting. I guess I never realized he was feeling this bad about everything. Anyway I’m pretty sure he’s seeking other girls, yet still tells me he does miss me but being with me right now is not an option. It’s been over a month and I’m still crying all the time and I literally can’t get him out of my head. I have no idea what to do I need help or advice I’m feeling super depressed and desperate. Do you think he’ll ever talk to me again or has my excessive behavior already ruined it? 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 6:46 pm

Hi Paula

I think there’s still a chance if you start to improve yourself and only focus in yourself. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Jeanne

November 6, 2016 at 10:26 am

Hi..i needed help..my exboyfriend and i broke up on november last year. He dumped me because he was stressed about being pushed by his senior to not get involved and be in a relationship with me..if he does, his senior will give him more task to do that he will not have time for me. He do the no contact rules by blocking me through his instagram. I’ve tried to moved on and starting to forget about him..By this may, 2016..he told my friend which is also his best friends that he liked to meet me and send his regards to me. I reply it to my friends that he’s the one that dumped me, why he does want to meet me in the first place..i just replied to his regard as i also say hi to him. But we didn’t end up meet each other due to our location is publicly not appropriated for officers and other rank to hangout..since he is an army officer and i’m just the other rank..he is already not active with the instagram and active on facebook. Months goes by, he told my friends that he plans to meet me ..my friends and his just acted as our mailman..i don’t know why he didn’t just want to text me through WA. Why using our friends as a mailman. Ok, everytime there are plans from his was always a failure..i’ve always agreed to meet him..by following the meeting, the plans was cancelled by him..he’s always telling our mailman to tell me that he is busy on his work. Our friends ask him that if he really is serious about me and don’t even play with my heart. He replied that he is serious and he didn’t want me to find another guy. For 7 months i’ve been very patient about not finding the other guy..it’s only through our mailman if my ex has anything to make a plan for the two of us. He sent his pic to our mailman to sent it to me. The two of us just exchanging picture, if he get mine, i get his..There’s also one of his guy friends that plans to have a double date include my ex and me..my ex said he’s ON with that plan..but it always come to a failure since he told that he was busy for his big project and thus, i’m trying to be patient with his reasons..i want to be a women who understand since i also know that his work is really that busy. On October, he was at my unit because he work on a big project which he was assigned, he told our mailman that he want a lunch date with me, asking if i have aa boyfriend..our mailman sent me a screenshot showing that thay told him that i am loyal waiting for him and i didn’t have a boyfriend..he then replied ‘NICEEE’. He want me to go over to where he is, he sent to our mailman his location..i agreed and went there borrowing my friends car and waiting for him for a long time..but he was not there..The lunch date was cancelled due to a reason he met with his big officers that afternoon..but in the evening just after work, he take a stroll with his car goes around to my office building and asked our mailman where am i..he even take a pic of what he thought was my car (friends car). As months goes by, i kept thinking..every officer is busy but they will make time for their lovers..even if it just for a weekend. Also, everytime his friends kept to planning a double date for us, then my ex just said “is she still waiting for me for the lunch date hahaha, tell her that i’m busy”..i replied to his friend to tell him if he didn’t want me just let me go, don’t keep me waiting like this..he then replied “i don’t know, i’m really busy”..On the weekend, his friend took a pic of him that he registered for an obstacle challenge conducted by his friends units..Then there he was..NOT busy on the weekend, registered for that run..i’m also registered for it..and for the real day i’ll try to look for him, but the it was too crowded by many participants..until the end of the day i did’nt see him..now i left unsure and confused about him..he told our mailman (bestfriend) that he is serious about me..other than that he told his friends that he don’t know..he always giving a reason he is busy. Please help me what should i do and i want to know why he did it?..is it just a game to him or is he really serious about me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Hi Jeanne,

based on what he last said, it looks like he’s just stringing you along.. Move on from him..

Sydney

October 13, 2016 at 10:25 am

Hi… We’re both turning 22yo. We’re 3yrs in the relationship, and got caught in a fight. It cooled down for two weeks, but we werent that okay. After that, he broke up with me, so I’ve done NC for 21 days, and it worked…
BUT, after a few months of Romantic stage (we’re still exes), he admitted he cheated on that two weeks before the break up.. There was no sex and anything physical, just emotional cheating.. thats why he broke up with me in the first place, he had the guts to end our relationship because there was a girl…
Since after he admitted, my feelings were off and I couldn’t continue with the Romantic stage. I told him I need space. We’re still texting, and sometimes I get a little bit insecure, and I became needy and desperate again.. And he became annoyed again.. I told him today, that we should focus more on our careers (as if im saying goodbye), then he replied with a happy text (as if he knew it wouldnt be long til I’ll be begging again). And he didnt text me anymore…
It feels like it’s a dead end. I dont know what to do next. HELP!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:04 pm

Hi Sydney,

I think both of you just needs space.. You’re overthinking now.. Try doing 30 days no contact this time.

stella

October 11, 2016 at 8:04 am

Hey… I need help..trying inboxing on face book but no reply…i need help soonest

stella

October 11, 2016 at 8:09 am

I broke up with my boyfriend 6days ago.. I really love him and he claims to love me too…we live together and he still wipes my shoes and boils me water to shower cause the shower head isn’t working. He wrote me a letter saying that he loves me so much but feels that he failed in trying to match me because am wild and he isn’t. He also said he needs time and closure but says he misses me only Tha he feels we can never work out .
How can I get him back???
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 4:50 pm

Hi Stella,

Do you want to try doing the no contact rule? Since you live together, you should check this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Stephanie

July 23, 2016 at 10:37 pm

I am loving this article because I think my boyfriend may have put into the crazy ex girlfriend area even though we hadn’t broken it off officially then. Before we broke up I popped over his house twice, after sending him text messages about going by to drop off food. I was trying to show my support because he was telling me he was stressed out over his job and his parents being sick. He would not respond to my text or call before so I would leave the food on the porch. The first time he called me and told me he got it and that he did not get back to me because he was sleep. The second time, we had spoke, I texted him, he did not respond, I went over his house, left the food on his porch, texted him about it. The next day he sent me text stating that he had gone out of town and that he wanted me to not pop by again without confirmation from him. I was already emotionally drained and stressed because before all of that happened I felt he was pulling away from me. He stopped returning my phone calls when we would talk once a week and he stopped texting me as frequently as he use to on a daily basis. He also stopped wanting to spend time with me and we would only spend 1 to 2 days out of the week together.

Anyways, I told him that I had to let the relationship go for now. I did NC for 2 weeks before I contacted him again. During my NC time and after we got in contact I continued to work on me. We would text each other thorough out the week superficial stuff although he did text me about his stress and we had a good conversation. I tried calling him 3 times over a course of 2 weeks to catch up with him but he never answered the phone and I left him a message each time. He never tried calling me back and would only text me.
Monday is his birthday and I got him a small gift to help with the stress on the job. I texted him and asked him to meet me for smoothies so I could give him the gift. He told me that he felt uncomfortable accepting the gift, stating that I don’t have to feel like I have to get him anything because he got me a gift for my B-day and that things then were different. I texted him back and told him I understand why he would feel uncomfortable considering the way I acted over the past few months. I admitted to him that I was acting out of my fear of loosing him. I asked him to forgive me and to let go of the past to start new, slow, and fresh getting to know one another again. I also told him that I did not get him the gift b/c I felt like i owed him, that I got it for a person I cared about to show them appreciation, love, and support. I still have not heard from him and I believe he placed me back into his crazy ex girlfriend category. How can I get out of this category now? Do I have to go back into NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 26, 2016 at 8:43 am

Hi Stephanie

yes you should do 45 days.. and you invested too much too soon… aim.to be the ungettable girl

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