Do You Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

699 thoughts on “Do You Even Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Let’s Find Out!”

LANA

August 22, 2015 at 1:50 am

Hi Chris,
Im read your EBook and its helping me A LOT!!,
We were in a LDR the last year (5 years together and wedding plans), he is still in another city. He broke up with me in a visit, i begged him one day after and thats it…….he left the city, NC rule since that day.
When i was in day 30 i was just so devastated that i wanted to be in peace with myself before anything.
He didnt contacted me until the 2ND month by text. I was recovering my life and he apologized for the way he broke up with me and good bye wishes. (YOUR NC RULE WORKED)
I answered him 1 day after, telling him that those were good times and i was glad to know about him after so many days, so his answer was that those were the best times of his life until now.
I didnt have the courage to contact him after that first message, so in the 3RD month while he was in an amazing trip, he remembered good times and texted me, i answered remembering good times too. (very short conversation, good bye wishes).
Now i have the courage to do so many things FOR ME that i didnt before, thanks to your webpage and my family.
So after that last contact, 2 weeks has passed and i texted him (it was MY FIRST TEXT), with one of your suggested texts in your EBook, i wanted to remembered good times, but the SHORT conversation was so weird that i finished it.
I’ve allready read all of your posts about LDR, and how to contact him after a year, and your UG book, (im totally agree 😉 ).
-Do i still have an oportunity? he texted me first after 2 months, its that so bad?
-What does it means when an ex texted you?
-Does it means he wants me back? is he playing?
I know you dont have a magic wand to know but you are a man with a wide vision ;). and his last text was nice but weird.
In one of your post you said that leaving an ex in NC more than 30days is not recommended, but since we were in LDR it was very difficult for me.
If you read all of my drama story thank you very much, and sorry my english, but YOU ARE AN INTERNATIONAL MAN 😉
Again thanks a lot!.

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 9:49 pm

You make me sound like James Bond with the International Man comment which is pretty cool haha. Thank you.

Yes you still have an opportunity.
No it’s not bad that he texted you after some time, its a good thing.
You have to see how it plays out if he is playing or not. These things take time.

Jane

August 21, 2015 at 8:31 pm

Hello, so i was with a guy for 2,5 years and one day he told me that he got bored and he broke up with me. Of course i want him back. We used to be friend before and i knew him for years. So after we broke up i texted him ( after 6 days) and i told him all those things i shouldnt tell him. ( that i’m still in love, that i want him back e.t.c) and he said it’s better this way. ( he also claimed that he still loves me) . After a few days i texted him again and i told him to stay friends and he agreed. He said that he cant take me out if his life and that we should go out after his exams ( in university ). A few minutes before his exams he asked me to wish him good luck and i did. What should i do from now on? Do you think i have any chance to get him back?

p.s you are doing great job.
jjlin

August 21, 2015 at 12:49 pm

Dear Chris,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me six days ago. Reason he gave: because I’m a strict vegetarian due to religion and he couldn’t imagine living the rest of his marriage life with me, due to my diet and religion (he’s an atheist). He said he wasn’t sure that he would be able to accept my diet for the next 50 years of living together, and that our religious differences would become a problem when we raise kids (like what??). We were together for 3 years and about 8 months, and because initially at our first dates he said he didn’t mind being vegetarian when we dated, so I kinda made him go vegetarian when we dated (my bad, I know!). The few times I raised this issue wondering if it would be an obstacle for us, he said that he accepted me for who I am, and we rarely have arguments at all, so I thought everything was really going well and was even prepared to marry him for loving me and accepting me so much.

But then all of a sudden last month he said that he was feeling helpless and thinks that we don’t have a future together, even though he still loves me. He thinks he loves me less now, and is thinking of a break up. I begged him not to give up, I know I’m not supposed to do that but I really couldnt help it. I really wanted him to reconsider so I took my male friend’s advice and gave him some time alone for 2 weeks, because he told me that guys needed space and time to miss their girlfriends. But after the two weeks, my ex and I met up again and he told me that he really wanted to break up.

He said that he only felt lonely during the two weeks of “break”, and it was probably just missing being in a relationship rather than missing me. He did look through all the pictures of us together and just felt very guilty and sorry for me, and just don’t feel much anymore. He said that because we are at the stage in life where it’s either to prepare to get married or break up, (I’m 24, he’s 26) and he really has no confidence in marrying me due to my diet/religion. And since the love isn’t strong enough to get married, we should let each other go and stop wasting our time. I kept saying that we could always compromise, but he said his heart was just too tired and he had no willpower to try dating the “compromised way” anymore. He didn’t want me to compromise and be unhappy like he did during the past 3 years (but he NEVER told me all along that he wasn’t happy about it, maybe all along he was just tolerating it and keeping it to himself and thus it exploded). He said he just didn’t love me that much anymore, and really don’t see a future together. 🙁

We got together when we met at our university, and went through so many happy times together. How could he throw all of that away?? We graduated together in May last year and started working separately (we don’t live together), and that day during the break up he admitted that ever since entering in worklife, us dating felt very routine for him. I have to admit, we only met for dinner and movies twice a week, which was really routine and resulted in the loss of spark. So I tried to convince him that therefore the solution is that we should work together to bring back the sparks, but he just wanted to give up. It’s really the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse and falling out of love that resulted in the break up. He just didn’t want it to work out anymore 🙁

The day after the break up I messaged him on facebook to give us another chance, but he totally ignored and didn’t even read the message. Till today it’s still marked as unread. Two days after the break up I texted him, scolding him for not trying again after all that we’ve been through together and for causing me so much pain. Then I read about NC here and decided to do it. So far it has been the 4th day of NC. I will persevere to the 30th day. It’s just that he seemed really stubborn about my diet being an obstacle for him to commit to me, and because he’s a very rational person, I’m worried that he would really resist getting back even though his heart might say so, because he just couldn’t “see a future with me”, and that he would continue to ignore me even after 30 days of NC, and would resist for a few months until he could move on. Do you think there would be a high chance of us getting back?

Also, I would like to add that I did ask him if there was another girl in the picture but he said no. My heart trusts him but my friends are saying there is probably another girl that led to this drastic change. What do you think?

P.S Oh and when we had the “break” and after the break up, he seemed quite active on facebook, posting pictures of himself and his colleagues having team bonding or having fun, where he appears all smiley and all that like he doesn’t care. I’m guessing it’s just a facade and a way to distract himself.
Kitty

August 19, 2015 at 8:01 am

Hi Chris, me(25) and my ex(22) were together for about 6 months. We met at work over Christmas season and seemed to immediately hit it off. We only talked when we were at work as we hadn’t exchanged numbers yet. Finally after a couple weeks I was doing some shopping and he happened to be working that day. We talked while I shopped until it was time for me to leave. He walked me outside where we talked some more while he took a smoke break. Before I left he insisted that I get ahold of him sometime and gave me his number. I texted him that night as he was working third shift and said he liked the distraction. We did that for a few nights in a row until he decided that he wanted to hang out with me after he got off work. Even though he’d been at work all night he insited. I gave in and he picked me up after he got off. We went back to his place and just kinda hung out watching tv. He then kissed me and one thing led to another which wasn’t a problem as I wasn’t looking for anything too serious at the time. But as the day went on he kissed me more and more and said that he loved my kisses. I didn’t look too much into. But then for the next month we saw and talked to each other maybe once a week. Again wasn’t too upset. But then when finally did talk he told me he just had a lot going on right now so he’s been busy. I understood and told me so, that’s when he told me his ex gf had gotten a hold of him and wanted to work things out and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to because he was starting to really like me. He told me he was gonna take a few days to figure stuff out and that I would hear from him. Which is what happened. He contacted me about a week later telling me that he was going through alot because he was trying to find a new job. I immediately recommended a job which he then applied for and got. He’s in the national guard and the manager at the store is ex military as well so I figured he would enjoy it. He then said he hit another rough patch as he was talking about sleeping in his car cuz he felt he over stayed his welcome at his place of residence. He was staying with a friend cuz he came from out of town. They didn’t make him do anything except help around the house but he said he didn’t wanna be a burden. I then recommended another solution as I didn’t want him sleeping in his car in the middle of winter. He had made arrangements to stay in one of my grandma’s extra rooms for a weekly fee and had to supply anything he needed for himself, which was ultimately giving him the responsibility he wanted until he could get on his feet. By this time we had spent more time together and we’re growing closer. He’s a perfect gentleman. Opening doors for me and everything. Anytime he had off he wanted to spend with me. Well about the time hr was supposed to move in with my grandma something came up and the room was temporarily unavailable. So he stayed with me. Everything was going great. I couldn’t believe I’d met someone like him after be treated so wrongly by my previous boyfriend. He was the first one to say we were in a relationship and I didn’t agree cuz we felt so right together. As we grew closer I realized I was in love with him but didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to rush things. Well when the room became available I asked him if he was ever going to stay there as some of his stuff was already there. He told me he didn’t thinks so because he couldn’t handle the thought of not sleeping with me every night. Of course I wasn’t gonna argue because I felt the same way. As the months went on everything was fine. No arguments just minor disagreements which we got over. Our first real argument was right before he was leaving for drill and it wasn’t even anything major. But when he returned home that Sunday he was fully prepared to break up with me. Said he loved me dearly but that he needed time to get himself together. And considering how I felt about him that was the last thing I was expecting as I’d been waiting all weekend to apologize. We sat and talked for a lil bit and I explained to him how I felt and that I didn’t really want him to go. He decided to stay and everything was again fine. He constantly told me how he felt about me, always making me feel loved. I never had to doubt his feelings or wonder if he would ever cheat on me. Now during this time it was a little hard for one reason. I didn’t have a job and was having a hard time finding one. Previous job was only temporary. We talked about me finding one quite often as we were trying to get our own place for us and my daughter who has grown quite attached to him and vice versa. He’s even went as far as to say he thinks of her as his own. We never argued about me having a job or not but we both knew I needed it. But as I stated before he is a perfect gentleman. Always going above and beyond for me even when I insist he save his money. So basically he was taking care of both of us which I told him he didn’t have to do but he always insisted. I do believe we were perfect together. Any problems he was dealing with I would help the best I could and always backed him up on everything he did. He told me he was madly in love with me and that he couldn’t see himself with anybody else. For mothers day he took me to dinner and bought me roses. In the short amount of time together we’ve had way more good than bad times. I’ve never been happier and even the neighbors noticed. (They knew previous boyfriend). They told us all the time that we looked so happy together. We talked about the future together and what we wanted and it was all the same. He told me he wanted to give me and my daughter the life we deserved and we even talked about marriage and possibly having a baby in the future. Then my birthday comes around. He had to work but I wasn’t upset as he got off early. When he finally arrived home I was given strict instructions to stay inside until I was called for. A little while later my brother came to get me and told me to come outside. I was nervous as I didn’t know what to expect. I walk out my front door to find my daughter at the bottom of the steps with a dozen white roses. Inside the roses was a card him and my brother made that said “marry me”. My heart stopped. I turn around and he his walking around the side of the house and kneels before me with the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. Of course I said yes, I could see myself spending my life with him. I was excited but I did think he was joking at first since it’d only been 6 months of being together, but he assured me he was serious and that he wanted to be with me more than anything. Not only did that make me happy but my daughter was excited as well. She was trying to get us to get married the next day and telling us she was excited he was gonna be her step dad. My face hurt from smiling so much that day. But then 2 weeks later we got in an argument. He told me he didn’t feel appreciated and that he couldn’t do this anymore. He started talking about all the stuff he’s done for me and that it’s him who pays for everything. Which really hurt because he knows I always told him he didn’t have to buy me stuff and that I was trying to find a job. We were supposed to be getting our own place as he was getting a big check from his military training he was at before my birthday but he said they messed up his pay so we didnt. I never complained about that though as I didn’t want to move in and not be able to do my part. But during the argument he was saying he couldn’t be with me anymore and wouldn’t really give me a real response. He left that day and wouldn’t return any of my calls or text. Not surprising since I was acting really crazy. He ended up showing back up a week later with every intent on leaving me for good. But we sat down and talked and agreed to just take some time apart. He said he needed to take some time to himself. He said his feelings for me hadn’t changed and that he wanted to be with me again one day. He even told my grandma and daughter the same thing. He told me we could still talk but that he didn’t know when he’d actually be able to respond as he was really busy. We
were intimate that day and I could feel he still was in love with me. He then left that night and I didn’t hear from him. I had tried texting him to see how he was doing. Didn’t get a response. I proceeded to go with just one or two texts a day or a picture. I still never got a response. I then decided to write him a letter stating how I felt and why I felt that way and that I was respecting his decision and wasn’t gonna contact him further. I gave it to my mom to give to him at work as they worked together and I obviously couldn’t get it to him. Well he didn’t take the letter and that night came over to get the rest of his stuff saying that everything about us being together in the future were over. And when I asked why he responded by saying I couldn’t keep it friendly. However he never said his feelings about me changed or that he didn’t love me anymore. But that talking to me was hard because I know what to say to make him stay but that he can’t no matter how much he wants to. He then left and I haven’t talked to him in about 5 days. I’m not too worried about there being another woman but the thought still creeps up. And I feel deep down that our love was real and he stills feels the same. My question is do you think I still have a chance even though he said there wasn’t one. It was an emotional time when he said there wasn’t but he’s also very stubborn and has problems expressing himself at times. I’m going to try the NC rule but things are a little complicated as he told my daughter he’d be there for her birthday which is in a little over 2 months and still plans on talking to my brother. I just want to know if there’s a chance considering how close him and my daughter are or if it’s hopeless. I’ve been reading alot on here and to me it sounds like I have a chance but I wanted a second opinion before I got too far. I know how I feel about him and will do anything to get him back . I truly believe we can work through this. I know enough to know I don’t need him but want him. Please help.

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 7:15 pm

Yes I think you have a good shot at getting him back with limited/no contact.

Sam

August 18, 2015 at 9:29 pm

Hello Chris,I met my ex when i got into school and i instantly took a liking to him. My friends didn’t want me to date him and i thought it’s because Im African and he is American.I started hearing things like he is a player and likes sleeping with black girls and other obnoxious stuff (my brother was also against it). Initially i got scared and i questioned his motive but as time went on, i saw a different side to him.I literally made him beg to go on a date with me.I took him for granted because i didn’t want to fall for his “tricks”. I realized he was a really fun and emotional guy. He always made sure i was happy and evey night,it would be the last question he would as (are you happy?). We started dating months ago and we were so happy. It was so rosy, he swept me off my feet.Im a a really traditional girl,we didn’t have sex until after months. Before he did he always told me he wasn’t going to pressure me, one day he got frustrated because i refused his sexual advances, i told him someone asked me to be his girlfriend. He got scared and upset and asked me to be his girlfriend and that what makes me think we can’t get married. I laughed it off and told him to take it easy,it was a joke (that was the first and last time he would mention the word ‘girlfriend”) The first time we did, he told me he thinks I’m different because every other girl just wanted to sleep with him. WE went on dates, studied together (we are both in medical school), he always wanted to see me (not just to have sex) and i always obliged him, we were inseparable and i knew he wasn’t seeing someone else at that time. I asked him about taking it to the next level and thats when things got funny. He said he just wants to see where it leads and wasn’t sure he needed a girlfriend at the moment but he likes me a lot. I was devastated but i let things slide because we were so busy prepping for exams.Before our final exams, i told him we needed space to study, he wasn’t happy about it but he we did anyway. After exams i noticed he seemed withdrawn,wouldn’t reply my texts or calls.Then one day he told me he needed space and he thinks we should be friends. I gave him space for a week and then my friends advised me to talk to him. I went to his apartment and told him i cared about him and i know he has been hurt before (he says he is scared to commit) and he should let me fix whatever went wrong. He said i was too needy,i always wanted to see him, i wouldn’t give him space and was too controlling. I was hurt because he was the one that always wanted to see me and i obliged him every single time. Before we went home for summer break, we went on a date and we told each other we felt lucky to be together. I noticed all summer i was the one always starting conversations,he would take a while to answer but when he did he acted normal. I told him if he didn’t want to commit i will move on,he said he knows i can’t do that. Its a new term, the first day i got back he acted like he was so happy to see me. After that he wouldn’t respond to my request to see him, he told me he thinks we should be friends through a text and i told him it was okay and that i also need space and time. He told my friends at a party that he isn’t with me because i am too demanding and dramatic . In my defense i was scared because of the things i heard and felt i should ask him (maybe too often). His friend said he was surprised i was able to keep him in check for so long, maybe everything i heard about him was right. I met him at a party and told him how i felt,i know i made mistakes and told him i know he has strong feelings for me but he keeps fighting it. I asked if he will stop running but he said he will never stop running,but i didn’t beg him to take me bad this time.He told me he knows he wasn’t treating me right,Im an amazing girl any guy would be lucky to have and i deserve better.I don’t know why he would say this to me.He is a very emotional person and his eyes betrays him when he says things he doesn’t mean. He walked me home, made excuses to come in and then we talked some more and he said we should have sex one last time but that it wouldn’t change anything between us. I told him i didn’t want to and he should leave.
I met one girl he denies he has been with before he met me through a mutual friend and she told her that the night i met him at the party, he was texting her some crazy things (she didn’t say what). I think this other girl was only trying to make me jealous or maybe he really did. Deep down i feel he just wants to have fun with other girls. I am really sad and i want him back.I don’t know what to do.Will no contact also work on a non committal guy or is this a lost cause? I need help,please.
Dawn

August 18, 2015 at 9:22 am

My ex husband and I split up after 23 years, 3 kids and 2 grandchildren. I was the one who left him and it was because we just couldn’t communicate any longer and we both had gotten lazy in the relationship. After 5 months apart I started wanting to try to work it out and try to work on us. He started seeing another woman who was married and it was supposed to be a one time fling and done. When I found out he was talking to her I went crazy and did just about everything you say not to do. I ended up only pushing them closer together and now he says he loves her and she is getting a divorce. She is 29 and He is 41. She was his good friends wife. She’s gone back and forth trying to decide if she wants him or her husband and at the moment has chosen him. She has two young girls that he says he doesn’t want to raise but he wants to stay in this relationship. I want my marriage of over two decades back but he insists he loves this girl after 3 months if dating her. I still haven’t implemented the no contact rule. Is it too late for me to do that and do I have any chance of getting himself back when I’m 43 and have this 29 year old girl to compete with? He says he wants us to stay best friends because we know each other better than anyone else does but it kills me to see him with this girl. Should I even try or is it a lost cause and if I’m not to late how long should my no contact period be. All of our children are adults and I live with my daughter who has our 2 grandkids so he comes over to get them for visits. I don’t actually have to be there for the passing off of the kiddies either.

Dawn

October 5, 2015 at 11:17 am

I don’t want to be one of those women that everyone is rolling their eyes at now Lol! Just need help with this. I want to really do nc this time and following your advice on thinking about why i left in the first place. Thanks Chris for doing this for women. Seems like you throw out a lifeline of hope to broken hearts.
Dawn

October 5, 2015 at 10:47 am

I’m sorry I didn’t answer your question awhile ago. Since I posted this I was diagnosed with stomach cancer too which I ended up breaking nc and started making all the mistakes over again. He used to freak when I wouldn’t text to tell him how chemo went so i would break it again. I wanted him back before I was diagnosed again so its not just that I want him to help me get through. Before i was diagnosed I was going to buy your pro recovery system but medical bills have prevented it. So I have been sticking to your free pages. Her husband is 33 and she’s gone back and forth. Her husband does know and filed for divorce and has temporary custody of their 2daughters and she gets weekends. So Chris after all that and more time am I too late now? When the new gf left him for a week he said we could move slow and try again. Then she came back and he started saying I was pushing him too much. I know I should be concentrating on getting better for now and not worry about him but in 23 years I’ve always had him beside me through things and I need my partner now. I wanted to get back together before i was diagnosed so it’s not just because I’m scared to do this alone. Is it hopeless now? I know him and this other girl won’t work out because of the age diff but i believe he is addicted to their new romance because she boosts his ego. He is a very fit and muscular guy and her husband is skinny little guy. I thought about the reasons i broke up with him like you said and he has changed a little since we broke up and I have since realized that I wasn’t exactly innocent in the downfall of our marriage myself. Since I can’t get your pro system any advice on this I would appreciate So much. I made a mistake leaving him.
Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 4:39 pm

No you can still do the no contact rule for 30 days. During the 30 days you should take a look at why you broke up with him and figure out if you really want him back or if it’s because of the competition of this other woman driving your emotions.

Why did you break up with him in the first place? You would think a 29 year old would be a threat but don’t think of her that way. Think of her more as a placeholder for you. The age gap between them is to big and it’s unlikely they would work out anyway. How old is her current husband? Does her husband know she’s been cheating with his friend?
Dawn

August 18, 2015 at 6:18 pm

I should also say that during my cancer fight he was very supportive. He did tell his new girl friend that he needed to be there for me and she was agreeable about it. Like I said their relationship is only 3 months old and they are still in the “newness” honeymoon stage. She did get jealous when I came to his apartment to talk about the situation. But he did do the texting her thing when he was with me and had to rush out when she got off work. When I complained about it he was willing to stop doing those things so I wouldn’t be upset. But I have as of today started the no contact.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 1:28 am

You shouldn’t let the girl know your in the picture. She will fight harder to keep him knowing she has competition.
Dawn

August 18, 2015 at 9:38 am

Also I have just been through my battle with uterine cancer and during that he would come to the hospital with me but would spend the time on the phone texting her and try to rush out at the times she would get off work. He is a big ego boost seeker and they are still in the “honeymoon” phase of their relationship and she does everything she can to stroke his ego and he eats it up. I just want toget back together and try to do the things we always used to talk about doing together once we had all the kids raised and it was just us. I don’t want our old relationship back, I want to have the relationship we’ve always wanted but could never seem to have because of one thing or another. Is there any hope for me?
Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 4:40 pm

Yes I think there is hope for you for sure.

Jacee

August 17, 2015 at 12:24 am

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I are in LDR(4hrs drive) for 6 months, we got to know each other through mutual friends. Last month, his parents was trying to get a divorce and that just broke his heart. Normally he would hide himself and not contacting me for few days when he’s in a bad mood. But because I asked him to call me everyday before, so he tried to contract me through text or call everyday for a week, and then he just couldn’t do it anymore. He texted me and said he wants to breakup because he is just not in the mood for keeping a relationship right now. I told him i understand his feeling, but i dont want to him to regret for his decision since he is not in his best mood. And I said i will give him time and space to solve his problem and i will still be there for him when everything is worked out. After two weeks, he started to hang out with his friend, become active on social media (he doesn’t really use them even when he is in his best condition).So i tried to reach out to him, he didnt mention breakup anymore and everything’s fine between his parents. He said he just got this new business opportunity (he runs his own company) and he has been stressed out because of the heavy workflows, so he has no time to come to visit me,but once he’s finished with everything he will come to me. After that, we’ve been reaching out slowing and eventually he would even call or text me everyday for almost a week. On August 1, it was our half year’s day, and he called me before i go to work. Everything was good, until the second day, i know he has a business trip so I want to see if he has arrived safely, so I called him. But he didn’t pick it up, then he disappeared for almost two weeks. I thought his stress over work and wants to be alone so I didn’t contact him during those days.Then I start to worry because he is not picking up any of his friends phones elsewhere, then I called him on Friday. He didn’t pick up and I texted him. After 30min, he texted back,and he said lots have been happened recently and that make him think a lot that’s why he didn’t call me these days. He felt that we are not compatible for each other so he wants to breakup. I asked him to talk about this on the phone but he rejected. he said he is not as good as i think he is, he is selfish and he doesn’t think about the consequences before taking an action. I asked him to tell me why he thinks we are not compatible and i will let him go completely. Then he replied that he wants a break, he needs time to think and to be clear-headed.I asked him if he has feelings for another girl, he said he didn’t. He just felt his feelings to me become less.I asked if that is due to the LD problem and everything that had happened with his family and work. we haven’t get chance to see each other since June,so i planed to see him tomorrow and talk to him face to face. I want to communicate with him and I want him to see me and learn how he really feels about me. I wont push him to get back, but I need to know if said he wants a break so that doesn’t hurt me or he really just want to have time and space to think more. Please give me some advice on our relationship, and what are the chances that you think I can get him back.Thank you.
Katie

August 14, 2015 at 8:02 pm

I dont even know if I have a chance, on August 25th its going to be 2 months since the breakup, I begged at the beginning, then did my NC for about 39 days, then yesterday broke the NC, it was short and polite. almost too polite, like he ended in “hope you are good too =)“ and I finished with “Thank you!“ . i dont feel like he is going to be talking to me anytime soon 😐 what should I do?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:27 am

Don’t over think it, as long as you get a positive response keep trying.

Ashley

August 14, 2015 at 1:12 pm

So here is the deal:

After acting (and being) really insecure about him having his ex girlfriend, who is still in love with him, liking his every picture on Instagram, I asked him to delete and block the girl. He did it gladly but said it was because I didn’t trust him. in my panic I told him that I thought he didn’t like me, that he was just using me as a prize, which he denied, and we leaved it at that.

I’m the one who does most contacting in the relationship (he has a general difficulty communicating with people), so I got to one point where I kind of did it again (not mentioning his ex) and he decided he wanted to break things up, and told me that he couldn’t stop thinking about the girl after I said those things. As he said he was confused, I told him no, that he should think a little bit more about it before breaking up, and then implemented the NC. But now, during week 2, he added her back on Instagram.

He has known this girl for 5 years, they tried to have a relationship once and it didn’t work out, but they kept having sex. Everyone of his friends tells me the girl is not cool and all… and even he says that besides the sex, she is not interesting at all and I’m a lot better than her (just not the sex, and I’m aware of my limitations)

Do I still have a chance? What do I do now?

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 4:01 pm

If it didn’t work for them twice it’s likely to fail again. You have to regain your confidence. If you are broken up, do 30 days no contact and start dating other people. Don’t tell him or rub it in his face but if he asks you can tell him you went on a few dates.

Sarah

August 14, 2015 at 12:56 pm

Hey Chris. My boyfriend just broke up with me 6 days ago after 2 years. I’ve been on your site like crazy looking for answers. But I have yet to find any situation that was similar. He just broke up with me out of the blue. The night before we got in a small tiff because he was going to some bonfire and wanted to see me before and I told him not to kill himself with seeing me because he had to get up so early the next morning and he got mad and left. And then the next day he said he was done and didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. Didn’t give me a why, just said we would talk more later. I begged him not to, begged him to think about it. We always said if either of us wanted out we would take time apart to think it over and I told him that and he just said he made his decision. He said he loved me and he’d always love me and he’d never love anyone else. He said he had been growing distant and I said how two days ago he told me I was his whole world and he could never bare to loose me. And I brought up other moments we had recently. I’ve been through breakups before I know what growing distant looks like. He just got quiet. I asked if he was going to tell his family we broke up and he said I don’t know and then I said he’d just have to tell them we got back together and he didn’t say anything. And then I told him he’d regret it and he said then just let me go. So I did. I finally moved away from his car and he drove off. He went to a party that night and was miserable, I found out from a friend. Someone asked about me and he just said I was exhausted after working. I don’t think he’s even told anyone we broke up yet. I’m okay now. I really am. I’ve realized there were a lot of things in the relationship I was too controlling about and I was also really insecure. But I’ve changed so much in these past 6 days. I haven’t contacted him. But I don’t know what my chance is of getting him back. We were in a long distance relationship during the school year. No one really knows what to say because he was so in love with me. And I was with him. But he had a crush on me for the past 7 years and only for 2 of them we were dating. He always said I was his dream girl that he never thought would look at him twice. Almost like Ross with Rachel. Should I do the 30 day no contact? Or since he said we’d talk at some point should I talk when he contacts me? There’s only three issues with the no contact for me: 1. My birthday is in a week, if he texts me happy birthday shouldn’t I at least say thank you? And 2. At the end of No contact I’ll be at school… so if I want to see him I’d have to visit him at college. 3. I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him. I feel like that would feed into him thinking I’m controlling or overemotional. Part of me wants to do the no contact period so that I can show him how much I’ve changed. I hope all that makes sense. I just wanted some advice. Everyone I’m closed to is just in shock. I think the other important thing to note is that when he gets stressed and overtired, he becomes a totally different person. Which is what had been happening. And so I think he was overstressed and looked at me as a stresser. And since he can’t control anything else in his life he ended the relationship. So I guess my main questions (to summarize) is : Is the no contact rule going to help or harm me? And what are my chances of getting him back?
Elenora

August 11, 2015 at 7:07 pm

Well, I texted him after 30 days and got a positive, engaged response within 2 minutes. The confession text really piqued his curiosity. He also said he’d missed me. I’ve established romantic rapport with him, and we are working toward meeting for the first time in over 6 weeks. We’re getting there slowly but surely…

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 2:51 pm

Awesome!! Sounds like you’ve done everything right. Glad you were able to stick to the 30 days NC! Looking forward to your next message. 🙂

Elizabeth

August 11, 2015 at 2:19 pm

Hey Chris,
My ex and I of 7 months just recently broke up. About two weeks to be exact. Five of the months we were together we were only separated by about an hour and a half, so I don’t even consider that long distance obviously. In October, before we started dating, he accepted a job in Texas. We have been friends for a couple of years so in that time I knew he would be moving and I was excited for him. Around Christmas feelings started to come for one another and we actually started dating almost immediately after we had come clean about our feelings. We fell in love so quick that it almost seemed like a fairytale. We were inceperable from one another. We made an effort to see each other every single weekend when he would be finished with class for the week and I was done with work for the week. His family told me there was a change of heart in him and they have never seen him act like this for a girl. Well after vacationing together and spending at much time as possible together it was time for him to move. I actually took off work because he wanted me to and helped him move and settle in in Texas. We had have multiple conversations about how we could make it work because we loved each other so much and being with anyone else was out of the question. It was even discussed a few times about me moving down for an internship I wanted to take the next summer and seeing where it goes from there. After my first trip back and I was back at home, our relationship was growing stronger than ever and we made an effort to talk everyday and FaceTime at night. We planned another trip for me to come down the following month and I did. Everything was fine again this trip. We had a argument while I was there but he made sure he did everything he could to fix it and make the week there perfect since we never see each other. After I got home everything was still fine, but I had decided going back to school at this time wasn’t for me. I considered multiple times moving there but didn’t know how he felt about it. Finally when I someone mentioned the idea he didn’t say much, so I took that as he didn’t want to be with me and I tried to bring up the idea of taking a break and he was very against that and said it had only been two months of him being there that we should try and work things out apart for now and things will eventually play out. Two days after the conversation, and about two weeks after I had left Texas, I asked him why he hasn’t taken the effort to pick the next time for me to come down and he used the excuse I just left and he hasn’t had time to think with work, so again I mentioned the short break to figure things out. We had been getting along perfectly all day, I had been out with a friend that night and he was continuously calling me to make sure I was able to get home. By the time I called him when I got home, which is about 30 minutes, he wanted to end things and proceeded to tell me he couldn’t give me what I wanted, that I wanted marriage and children and to settle down and his job doesn’t entail that right now. I never asked for a ring right now, I just wanted him to make an effort to see me. After just 1 time of calling and begging for 30 minutes and a text the next day saying he had broken my heart, I decided that I needed to begin the no contact rule which has been going on for 8 days now and I have not heard from him. In doing this I wanted to show that I could make it without him and live a happy life. We are still friends on social media and he is always checking my snapchat stories I post but I have never reached out to him I want to give him his space because I feel he may be confused on what he wants or maybe even scared of a commitment in me moving if he doesn’t know how he feels about his new home. I just don’t know what to do and don’t know if this can be fixed. It’s hard to imagine it not working out when we never really had issues in the first place and we were completely happy. Do you think he will eventually reach out to me?
Lotta

August 11, 2015 at 2:53 am

My boyfriend and I were together for two and a half years. He broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and I am crushed. I truly thought that he was the love of my life and we would grow old together. During our relationship I would always focus on the negative, complain about things and annoy him about things that didn’t mater. Since we’ve broken up, I’ve realized all the things that we both did wrong and I know that we can make it work if I am given a second chance. Before he broke up with me, he said that he didn’t have the energy for a relationship anymore. In my mind we are meant to be. I’m going through NC right now and it has been really hard not to talk to him about every little thing. After my no contact period I was going to see what he thought about going to the movies or hanging out some place, but I feel like he will only ever want to be friends (if we even become friends). A lot of the time I am just stressing because I don’t know for sure if we will get back together but being apart just feels so wrong to me. I really wish I could know if it feels this wrong for him as well. 🙁 What do you think my chances of getting him back are? I am willing to change things that contributed to the end of the relationship and I am a lot more self aware now, I’ve already grown as a person. I’m just not sure if he will be willing to change because he won’t have the energy or won’t be willing to try. I didn’t mean to make the relationship so hard and exhausting for him by focusing on negatives and complaining about things that I now realize don’t even matter (like which way round he had his bed in his room), but I feel like he won’t realize how I’ve changed and will be too scared and not willing enough to give me another go. What should I do? 🙁

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 2:46 pm

If you do NC properly he shouldn’t be to reluctant to give you a second chance. Just make sure you don’t bring up that you’ve changed, you have to show him with actions not words.

Jenna

August 10, 2015 at 1:09 pm

Hi Chris, I have to say that this is a great website! I think my situation may be a little different. I was with my bf for 5 years he was depressed and in a bad place for about 2-3 of the past years and this caused him to withdraw and go through very tough times. He finally left because he said that he had put me through too much and that he needed to go learn how to be independent and how to change himself. I have reached out even though I was committed to NC which I know wasn’t good. I got sucked in because we lived together and we still dealing with that separation. He tolde after the 1st week that he was afraid he had made a mistake and that I am the only person he would ever consider getting back with. He also told me that I will always be a part of him and that no one else has. He just had to find himself and take a leap of faith. Two days later, he told me he met someone. It only confirms that he had known her from before our breakup and had her lined up. After that, I told him about how badly I was coping and he just kept saying how he wishes he could take it away. He still cares about me but I can’t figure out if there is any chance to get him back. He told me he is happier now and that he is not as depressed. I don’t know if he can ever get over the bad feelings of these past few years. I have started the NC again ?. My question is, if he takes responsibility for all the bad years and acknowledges all of the hurt and still cares deeply, can I overcome the memories of the sad years? Or should I give up because he has that new, exciting relationship?

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 7:08 pm

It is up to you what you’d like to do. It sounds like he has the grass is greener syndrome. The nice thing about that is most times the new relationship doesn’t live up to the old one. Check out this post. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-grass-is-greener-syndrome-for-ex-boyfriends/

Teekay

August 8, 2015 at 10:27 pm

About a month and half ago the guy I was seeing broke it off with me. We met on a dating website right before I relocated out of state (about 6 hours driving distance) and subsequently dated for about 7 or 8 months after the fact. He was aware from the time we met that I was moving out of state for work, but also that all of my family and friends are where I was living previously so I would be back to visit quite frequently. After our first two dates is when I moved out of state, and over the duration of us dating I was coming back to visit him, family, and friends. It worked pretty well for a few months and then one weekend he said that he didn’t see anything happening because of his job at the hospital (which obviously and understandably) takes a lot of time, energy, and focus. The main reason is because he didn’t have a lot of extra time on his hands to be dating, but he would be okay to see me if I was in town. For a couple weeks, there was no contact at all, but I still would text him to see if he could still hang out when I came back into town. They were simple texts like “Hey I’ll be in town this weekend. Just wondering if you want to go on a hike or something?” If he couldn’t then I would let it go. I guess it was like that for a month and half. Finally on another weekend I was back in town and we agreed to see other and catch up. It went pretty well and we were in contact with each other again, though the previous events made me apprehensive about showing affection or planning events together, etc. For a few more months it was fine and there wasn’t really anything to complain about besides it being long distance. Then a few more weeks passed since I last saw him and it seemed to me he was ignoring the texts I was sending him. At first, I thought it was because he was busy with his work, which I understand and I would wait a few days to a week before trying to contact again. Finally, after the 3rd unanswered text I decided to confront him about ignoring me. All he said to me was that he needed to work on finishing up his residency and is very busy and it’s best if we stop talking to one another. He ended up blocking me on several social media platforms. I don’t blame him because his job is important to him and in general, but I know we had a good connection, that I care very much for him, and always had fun together. I know that what he said is the truth, but I honestly wonder if there was something else that I had done or if he met someone else. In addition, I should mention that he was only in the area for work and was potentially moving back east (where he originally is from) once it was over, and though I never mentioned it (for fear of being too forward), I would have been open to the idea of relocating to be with him if we were both at certain point of our relationship. I sent him a text about 2-3 weeks after his last message, telling him that I missed him and that I hope he was well since the time at his job ended. He never responded, but I am almost certain he’s blocked my text messages as well. Lately I’ve just trying to move on, but I feel like I should do something and not be so quick to let this go.
Olivia

August 8, 2015 at 6:34 am

Hi Chris,
I stumbled on this site because my ex threw me for a loop. We were on again off again for the past 7 years. He has a fragile ego, and I hurt his feelings during a fight, leading to the on and off again. He has since built a wall and reveals very little of himself. HOWEVER, he contacts me sometimes, I never contact him. The last time he wanted to get together I said no. I was tired of the pushing and pulling he was constantly doing. He said he understood that. Then last week, out of the blue he sends me a meaningless message to initiate conversation, I guess. I responded, he ignored me. I sent him an email apologizing for refusing to see him last time and told him I would always be there for him. I asked how he was. No reply for a week. Then he tells me things are good and he has a girl he has been seeing for awhile and it’s “going good.” That upset me and confused me. Why even contact me then? To show I was a good sport, I told him that was great. What else could I say? Why would he even bother with me now? He probably won’t email again, but my question is, why initiate communication with me in the first place? It always hurts even though I think I am healed when he contacts me. Why bother when he has moved on? That is all I would like to know. Thank you for the great advise on you website!

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 12:44 pm

It sounds like he didn’t fully move on. Have you done no contact? What was the fight about that pushed him into the on again off again.

Karena

August 3, 2015 at 12:53 am

I hope you can help :-(.

1. I initiated the breakup (for General Reasons, he cheated on me – found out on FB from his EX while I was 7 months pregnant that they were STILL sleeping together…, he always talked badly about her and how he would never be with her long term and they share a son).

2. I gave him another chance (be begged, and begged, and followed me and apologized, told me he couldn’t live without me in his life, etc, etc. His “excuse” for cheating was that he felt bad for her and the position he put her in by not being a family with her anymore and her having to do things on her own. And that he knew after it happened the first time “she had him” and I guess his absurd logic was to keep sleeping with her?!)

3. He initially said he wouldn’t go into her house and that when he went to get his son for “co-parenting” that they would only talk about that.

4. He lied to me again, he went to Great America with her and said that she had an extra ticket and his son wanted him to go and that it would just go and be right back. My thing was if you’re saying you want to spend the rest of your life with me then why aren’t I invited.

5. Since then, my trust for him went out the door. I became someone I didn’t know, worrying about if he was still sleeping with the woman and he would use excuses like “my son has a doctor’s appointment and it will take from 9am until 7pm” but I know it was just an excuse to hang out with her. His reason for why they didn’t work was because he never loved her. She was just a woman he met in between his divorced and she ended up pregnant.

6. The straw for me (reason why I ended it) was that I found out he started flirting and asking a woman he works with if she would go out with him. He had been in pursuit for her for well over a month or so. I had been complaining that he doesn’t date me anymore, and that I didn’t like that. But he would take trips all the time and tell me a few days before he would leave that these trips were occurring.

7. I felt like we weren’t in a relationship. I like sex, really like sex and he was hardly interested anymore. He used to complain how my sex drive was too much but in reality he was sleeping with someone else and couldn’t keep up. He would come over and eat and fall asleep. So now that we aren’t dating the only difference is that we don’t talk everyday. I feel like we were broken up long before I ended it.

8. I can’t do the NC because we have a child together (remember I found out about his baby’s mama while I was pregnant) and for the sake of that I have to communicate with him. But what I find interesting is that he verbally disrespected me, swore at me, and outside of my saying I needed some space he cursed and kept asking “Why” but never gave me a change to explain until 2 weeks later.

9. Everyone is shocked that we are no longer together. I’m shocked that he hasn’t apologized, and more so that he hasn’t been trying to get me back. I’ve tried to do some dating to get my mind off of him every now and then but it hasn’t been working.

10. He still hangs out with his son’s mother, the woman he had been sleeping with almost our entire relationship. I felt that he has too many secrets but I feel in love with him.

11. Please help me to find a way to move on because I don’t feel he will ever truly leave her alone regardless of what he says and what his family says about he never loved her he just feels their great friends. But I feel you don’t sleep with your friends.

I’m open to whatever advise you have for me.

Chris Seiter

August 12, 2015 at 9:23 pm

You are in a very tough spot. I am sorry to hear of your heartbreak. The only option here is limited contact. You can have him come to the ultrasounds etc. It sounds like he is a serial cheater and it’s probably the real reason him and his ex broke up. Does she know about you? Do you and him live together? Honestly, I wouldn’t want to see you end up with him because he sounds like he will never change but anything is possible. I will try to help you the best that I can. Your going to have to pretend like you don’t care about him. Be nonchalant and give him mixed signals. Don’t sleep with him even if he tries.

Natalie

August 1, 2015 at 11:13 am

Hi Chris,

I was in a LDR. He officially broke it off about a few years ago, but wanted to remain friends. I went though periods of NC with him, but then we would start communicating, and everything would be fine. Last summer, we were supposed to meet, but he contacted me at the last minute to say that it wasn’t a good idea, he was dating, and that I should move on. I wasn’t going to contact him anymore, but after 3-4 weeks, he called, and we remained in touch. Everything had been cool in my opinion for the past year. He finally came to see me a few months ago, and we had a good time. I suggested that we hook up toward the end of the summer. He was cool at first, but then started to avoid my calls and texts. He finally contacted me to say that he didn’t want to meet and that’s he’s feeling a new girl he has been dating for a month. He claimed that I just wanted a relationship and that it wasn’t going to happen between us. He also claimed that he needed to find himself. He wants me to still keep in touch. I’m still in love with him. Is there still a chance that we can be together or should I just let this go finally? Thanks.

Natalie

September 5, 2015 at 4:34 am

Hi, thanks, Chris. I have posted pics on my social media site to make him think, but I don’t know if he has checked. We’re not friends on social media. He hasn’t called yet. I haven’t talked to him in 5 weeks. Should I initiate contact him or do other tactics to try to make him jealous? I hope that he hasn’t forgotten about me.
Natalie

August 14, 2015 at 6:01 am

Thanks a lot, Chris! It’s been 2 weeks since I have talked to him. I’m using NC; however, he is very stubborn. By jealousy, do you mean I should date other men and let him know? What other strategies can I use? Thanks.
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 3:51 pm

Date other men but don’t tell him about it. If he is on your facebook put up a picture that he will question if you with someone else now. You want to use jealously to make him try harder or miss you not give up. So don’t put up any kissing pics etc.
Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 10:11 pm

There is still a chance. How long has it been since you’ve talked to him. Have you tried no contact? You will have to use several different strategies to get him back. Jealously being one of them.
Natalie

August 1, 2015 at 11:28 am

Also, even though I didn’t do it last summer when he called it off, I sent a barrage of angry texts. I was very emotional. I revealed everything that had been bottled up inside me for the past few years. I did not expect that type of response from him because everything was going good. I should’ve because it’s been a pattern. I’m not sure how to change the pattern.

Nj

July 28, 2015 at 4:45 pm

Hi Chris:
I had been keep contact for the past two years with my ex, except there were about 5 months he didn’t response at all during the times, we are LDR, he is at Vietnam, after 5 month, he I initiated the contact again, so we recatched, finally I requested to visit him at Vietnam , he said yes but I can only visit as a firend, i know he said that is beacuse if he didn’t want To be settled, I know He hang out with others girls at Vietnam, guys can’t do dry spell, huh! But I was still very happy to meet him at Vietnam at early of this June,he treated me very well at Vietnam, we had really good time together, but we didn’t have sex, he said the reason he didn’t doing so is to protect me ,cause he can’t promise us any relationship now, because he will moving to Malaysia soon, while i am in china, I asked him does has a girlfriend now, he said no, and he told me he had sex with one girl in Vietnam before, I asked him did he love her, he said he didnt even know here it,s the girl who offered herself to him only On the second time they met,But since he’s leaving ,the short time fun will be over, I Guess that’s explained for the 5 months non contact for him. He is honest with me, and I still love him, and I asked him why he still keeping contact with me, he said I am sweet and very nice person, he still like me but it’s complicated, he didn’t know what will happen in the future, at that time I didn’t brought up the question that I hope to get back with him when I was in Vietnam, when I asked hi. Can I visit him at Malaysia? He said I am always welcomed. after I came back, I missed him so much, i finally said it to him through text, I asked does he think we still got the chance to get back together if we still at the same place? And I said I am ready to fight for him ,I can change my job , and the same time I don’t want push him ,give him too much pressure cause I know he will be busy with the new start at Malaysia , one week after I got back from Vietnam , he left Vietnam too, now he is at Malaysia, after I sent those text to him he replied me that he is at the airport and ready too fly.i know he is not ready to answer my words yet, do you think I still got the chance to get back my ex? And what can I do to put me in more advantage? Thank you so much for your help ,Chris! And knowing your wife and you are also LDS, which encouraged me a lot , really appreciated!
Bsrgs!
Nj
Megan

July 24, 2015 at 12:48 am

The reason I’m worried I can’t get my ex back is because we only dated for a short period of time. Very short, a month plus maybe. I’m 33, I’ve only had a couple of serious relationships because I’m usually pretty good at them. This time though, we got into a bit of a fight and I acted like a fool. When I should have given space, I didn’t, I pushed more. When I should have apologized, I argued my side over and over. Granted, he was being a jerk over stupid things, but now it’s 10 days later and I can’t stop thinking how I made all these mistakes when I had finally met a guy I really liked and was falling for. I really want to try again. I sent the breakup text, I promptly tried to take it back, but it was too late. I haven’t had any contact from him in these 10 days and I haven’t contacted him. I even went on a date last weekend. We were both back on the dating site where we met (of course I checked, I feel crazy right now, luckily I was able to do it without him knowing), but now he has disabled his account which makes me think he has met someone new (he did that when we met before we even went on a date). Aahhh!!! Suddenly this no contact thing is killing me and I just want to call him and talk to him. How important is the 30 day no contact considering that’s only slightly less than the actual time we dated? I don’t want to ruin this, but I don’t want him to totally forget that we were so into each other prior to the fight. I don’t have a lot of emotion to play on in this situation as it is… Do I really have a shot at getting him back at all anyway? I really hope to hear your thoughts.

Megan

July 24, 2015 at 12:57 am

I should add that both of us were very much into the other one. He said several times how happy he was, how refreshing it was to meet a girl like me, how we have all the same goals,etc. He told me several times he thinks I’m the girl he’s been looking for his whole life. And I honestly feel that way about him. So it was very brief, but you can see it was really awesome too. And I can’t believe we both got so ridiculously emotional with each other and let one really bad fight ruin it all. 🙁

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