Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
LUCY
April 18, 2015 at 10:16 am
Greetings! 🙂
So, it has been almost 2 years after my first-ever boyfriend ended our relationship.
He had 2 reasons, first was because we enrolled in different colleges, and second was because he didn’t want to go any further after kisses and touches (because he thinks i’m innocent and that he doesn’t want to hurt me).
Even so, I still have those feelings for him until now.
Unfortunately, he had told me, months after our relationship ended, that he had feelings for another girl. And that girl was a close friend of mine. He said that he didn’t love her because he wanted to forget his feelings for me, that I had nothing to do with the new love.
He seemed honest enough. But I kind of doubt it though.
So I’ve been thinking if i could have i second chance. 🙂
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:59 pm
Greetings!
Seems like a general situation to me which is good.
ranjitha
April 18, 2015 at 5:37 am
hi Chris
I and my bf were in so much love but suddenly he broke up with me saying that he is tired of bring in a relationship. .I tried to save my relationship bt he says he is done with it..now it has been a week tht I didn’t contact him..wht to do next?
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:55 pm
Well, this article is about gauging your chances.
Have you read any of the “task oriented” articles yet?
Catherine
April 17, 2015 at 10:15 pm
hi chris!
so me and my ex broke up two months ago. a week later he started dating someone. we texted a few times but one day he told me that I had to stop texting him because he was with her. later I told him to forget, that I didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore. I started NC that day and ten days later I receveid a text from him saying ‘Hi’. he is still with her. does this mean that I have a good chance?
thanks
Sadaf
April 17, 2015 at 9:24 pm
Hi Chris
I met my boyfriend about a year ago and since then we were really into each other. We started our relationship after one month after that and we were crazy about each other ..He really loved me for the first 5 months but then he got colder and colder each day…but I fell in love with him and I really don’t want him to leave me ..
The last month of our relationship was terrible ..we didn’t really talk that much and when we did we were just talking about problems and then he would start to convince me that he can’t be in a relationship due to his busy job schedule and financial problems..
He and I had a pretty nasty breakup about two weeks ago and most of it was my fault. I unintentionally did things things that made him angry yet I didn’t get it and I went on believing a rumor about him and we had a fight about it and after that he dumped me. I made another mistake and tried to contact him and apologize him but it just made him more angry since I did it 2 days after the breakup …He was ignoring my texts and my viber messages during the time and it was driving me crazy …Yet I talked to him and he said we have no future ( he mentioned it about 3 times when we were fighting, he had also told me to get a new boyfriend one week earlier but I thought he was just being funny ) ..He had also cut down on contacting me during the last moth so he I think he was preparing me for the breakup and he was just waiting for the right time to dump me ..
I don’t even know if I should have any hopes of him coming back to me … :(((
I’m on NC since the day we last met but he hasn’t reached me ..There’s also his birthday coming up on day 25th and I don’t really know what to do …I don’t know if I should sent him a happy B-day message or not .. On his last year’s B-day we were on a date and he seemed really happy and in love .. I think if I text him maybe he remembers about us and maybe he wants to get back ..but if I don’t I’ll be the out of sight , out of mind girl 😐
And most importantly I don’t even know if I can win him back after all this..He’s been really angry with me ..I don’t even know if there’s a chance he’ll come back ..
He used to tell me this was the best relationship he’s ever had ,but why would he end that??
OMG…I feel so desperate :'(((
Plz help me out Chris 🙁
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:48 pm
Don’t wish him a happy birthday. NC is that strict.
Hiley
April 17, 2015 at 6:07 pm
Hi Chris, I want to tell you my story to see if you can give me any special notes or advice on my case. I just found out my ex’s private twitter account that he doesn’t share it with anyone. After a week of our breakup, he tweeted that he’s missing me so much and feeling stupid. He also posted our photo there. But only he can see it. Today is day 15 of my NC, he didn’t text me also. So I am confused if he wants to come back or not. Should I follow the rules completely or there is anything exceptional that I should do??? Thank for helping me Chris. I love the new design !
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:43 pm
I would see things through how they are.
Shine
April 17, 2015 at 3:36 pm
Hi Chris I read what you posted its really inspiring. But I can’t figure out what is my situation. I have been dating a guy 5 months, everything goes well, I can tell from his act he definitely have feelings for me, but since he doesn’t like his job now, he want to move to another country, recently I offer him to go together and he told me he doesn’t want a relationship now , and we will be separate so things won’t work. I told him I can take care of myself I want to go that country too( the country he wants to go is my primal country) and he said it will be great with me but don’t go for him and relationship. He also said he was very happy with me together but he just know when he need to go he won’t think about us . I ask him do you see future with me he answers yes , I don’t want to change anything now. I was angry said not only love him which I never said before and break up. He don’t want us becomes enamy but said if I feel happy not see anymore he will not showing anymore. Later I texted of course we are friend it was a big drama. He called me we meet up as before I help him plan his journey, we had sex, but he no longer stay in my place , and we both feel the love feeling is gone. I act nothing happened and happy and confident, when we joking I said my mind changes every 5 min. He said yes, you do. I can feel when we start have any electrical he imedeately avoid it and block his feeling. Maybe he is afraid I’m not over him. Now I don’t contact him only return, but I don’t really know how he feels? Or is there a chance to get him back? Or make I should say get him be with me? Or I’m just a miserable temparory comfort for him I should let all this go. Please help!!
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:39 pm
Seems more general..
I should have created a section called hybrid haha where it combines a bunch of different situations.
Shannon
April 17, 2015 at 3:33 pm
So Chris, my ex texted me and said that he’s “lost and confused” and can’t have a relationship right now. He said that he’s sorry and he wishes I would forgive him. I just didn’t text back. His loss!
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:39 pm
Hmm….
Agreed.
He will regret it down the road I am 100% sure.
Kate
April 17, 2015 at 3:07 pm
Last week my boyfriend broke up with me. It was so out of the blue. He got back from Brazil last month (first time in 9 years he’s been there) and has been very homesick since he’s got back. everything with us had been more than fine, amazing. The last time I saw him was Sunday morning, the night before we had an amazing night. then brunch the next day. Monday everything was normal. Get a text Tuesday afternoon saying we need to talk, arrange for 630, he says he cant face the situation yet. so we postpone. I am so confused because I at this point have no idea whats going on. Basically he tells me that he is thinking of going back to Brazil next year some time and doesnt want to break my heart when it happens and that he needs to be alone, and not in a relationship and that he is just depressed overall. He has created this dark place of what ifs that are all hypothetical and shutting everything and me out. I am just so frustrated because you shouldn’t throw something away thats not broken and in fact so good. I told him that its not his heart to break and its mine and I would risk it all if it meant the possibility of happiness with him and that in a year if he needed to go back I wouldnt hesitate to get on the plane with him. Its just so odd because he has always been so future oriented as a “we” together in the future, moving in, marriage, even talks about kids, so for him all of a sudden to just change this has blown my mind. I dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me or doesnt see me in their future, but I just dont know where this has come from and how he could have made such a snap judgement. It was as good as a breakup can go, not angry, just sad. He texted me after saying how sorry he was and said “everything is going to be ok for the both of us” which doesnt make sense to me. After he sent that text, I just sent him something basically saying I just wish you could see things through my eyes etc etc because it was as if he had shut off and could not see or hear anything I was saying. Uninitiated on my part the next day he texted me basically saying he couldnt go to work because he was so upset, then again 4 days later asking how I was, random conversational things, again uninitiated by me. I am trying to hold out no contact becasue if he pushed me away to begin with nagging him or trying to be in touch I dont think will help. I dont want to hold out hope that something that may or happen, But I just want him to come out of whatever funk has come over him and realize. We have been together for a year and by the time he “may or may not go to Brazil” we would have dated for almost 2 so I told him that we would cross that bridge when it comes and that I would go too, nothing is keeping me from that. Im 27 he is 32 for reference. Anyway I was just wondering if my no contact was smart as it seems he is in a bit of a damaged mindset? He keeps getting in touch so I assume, but just dont really know what to do and feel like I could use a male point of view.
Thanks!
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:36 pm
I think it was.
I really do.
Jo
April 17, 2015 at 2:16 pm
Hey Chris,
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago. I think the main reason we broke up was because we fought too much. He might have felt the way you described your ex … how you dreaded fighting everyday. I already did one month NC and initiated contact. He responded quite positively, but instead of following your steps on exboyfriend recovery, my emotions got the best of me and we started talking about the break up. I bumped into him recently and he tried to say hi. I felt weird seeing him and wasnt able to say hi back. He then texted me “you can say hi to me you know” and basically asked if we can not be weird around each other and say hi. He told me I was a big part of his life and he wants to be friends eventually so the first step was to say hi. I guess im wondering, what should I do from here and what do you think my chances are?
Jo
April 21, 2015 at 2:47 pm
I fall under the “good chance” category, but I was wondering what I should do from here? Should I try continue to build attraction through text? or should I reverse friend zone him?
Chris Seiter
April 21, 2015 at 6:03 pm
Yes, seduce him a little bit. Play hard to get a bit…
Confuse him with mixed signals every once in a while.
Flirt strategically.
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:36 pm
Which category did you fall under in this article?
That should tell you.
Lisa
April 17, 2015 at 8:21 am
Der Chris,
Thank you sooooo much for your answer! It’s crazy that you take the time to answer all these questions! I am German and I’m thousands of miles away and I was so happy when I saw your message- Internet makes it possible, I know, but sometimes I still think it’s amazing how we can communicate around the world.
My short question: I messed up (obviously)- should I go back to NC when you say I should take it slow? If yes for how long?
Vielen Dank!!! : )
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:31 pm
Yes, you have to start over the entire 30 days unfortuantely 🙁
Catherine
April 17, 2015 at 12:12 am
Hey Chris!
So I wanted to know if I do have a chance. My ex and I were together for almost two years and we broke up in February. We tried to be friends (his idea) but he already started seeing someone else (like a week after the break up). I tried to talk to him a few times trying to work things out but he only answered twice and the last time he told me that he would block me if I continued to text him. Two days later I told him that I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore and I blocked him on Facebook. This was when I started NC. I’m on the 15th day now and I got a text from him 4 days ago just saying ‘hey’. Does this text even mean something?
Thanks 😀
Catherine
April 20, 2015 at 10:30 pm
they started dating a week after we broke up so I guess almost two months
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:21 pm
How long has he been with her?
Catherine
April 17, 2015 at 12:13 am
P.S.: he is still with her
Olga
April 16, 2015 at 10:44 pm
Hi Chris, it’s me again…. I’ve figured out from this post that my chances for getting my ex back are rather good (general breakup), though I’m not so sure about that… Since i texted him two weeks ago and he never replied. I sent him a pic of my cousin’s dog (long story short, it used to be the smallest dog in the world and we both found it adorable and i thought i’d show him how big and weird looking it had got) but he flat out ignored me. I haven’t contacted him since and I’m thinking if I should ever again… What do you think?
Olga
April 23, 2015 at 6:51 pm
Anyways… What do you think about the text I want to send him? Also, I’m kinda doing the NC again since it’ll have been 30 days since i last contacted him on the day of the concert
Olga
April 23, 2015 at 6:14 am
Let’s say I have a problem because I don’t seem to get along with my brother. I go to family constellations therapy. The therapist tells me to choose people who will represent me and my family and they stand in thr middle. Everything plays out on its own since then because they start feeling and behaving as if the really were the people they are representing. It shows the true feelings and relations in the family which can be very different than what we think – my mum used to think me and my brother hate each ither when in fact it was the opposite and it showed in the constellation. Don’t ask me why and how it works cause I don’t know 🙁
OLGA
April 21, 2015 at 6:21 pm
It’s a group therapy that is supposed to break the patterns of suffering and unhappines of generations in our families. For example, one could be carrying an unreciprocated love of their grandmother with them and therefore not be able to have a happy relationship of their own.
Chris Seiter
April 23, 2015 at 12:03 am
How does it work exactly.
Can you give me more details?
Olga
April 20, 2015 at 9:03 pm
Thanks 🙂 yeah I didn’t pay much thought to that text, I just wanted to contact him around Easter time when we both would have a lot of free time to talk… Anyways, I’m now waiting until the long may weekend when I’m going to a concert. A band he kinda introduced me to is playing and I’m thinking of texting him about how many good memories it brings up etc 🙂 what do you think? I think I’m in a better frame of mind already now cause I’ve recently tried the family constellations therapy (have you ever heard of it?) and it helped me find peace and stop being so sad and angry 🙂
Chris Seiter
April 21, 2015 at 5:37 pm
Never heard of that family constellations therapy.
Mind educating me?
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:20 pm
Eventually you should I think. However, I would wait until you are in the right frame of mind.
You might have to think of a better text to send next time around.
Ginger
April 16, 2015 at 8:52 pm
Hi Chris! That’s your post Its so helpful! I don’t even know what is my situation. I have been dating a man for 3 months everything went well like fairytale. This guy is from German, we both live in England now, since I met him I know he Doesn’t plan stay here forever, recently he had a trip with friends, been text me less, I can’t help to send him a massage of love him, we never said this kind of stuff before. He didn’t reply , after he called said its so beautiful but currently he don’t want to be in any relationship. We still being “friends “now, since he came back from trip he decided to go to Japan. I offered I can go as well he said it’s nice with me aside but don’t go for him. He doesn’t want relation. Even with me is so happy, but don’t see any future with us, and if we will be in different place don’t know how things work out. I understand. But I can feel he has feelings for me. I Feel angry said lets break up even you don’t admit this is a relationship.he doesn’t understand why I want to make us like enemy .. But I missed him, so told him sure we can be friend . So we still hang out, basically we are FWB but I feel more than that. Things changed alittle between us, but I read your post, I didn’t chasing him down, want to give him space to think. I feel I scared him so much . And I was in a good position to have a shot, now I feel everything is too out there, before he always stay my home, now he still nice but I can sense something changed . He backed and protect him from being in connection with me even more. I follow what you said, sometimes make him feel he has me, but sometimes I’m being cold and tricky but I don’t know if I use it in a right way. Like today he said you do change your mind every 5 seconds. . I feel so confuse he is not ex, technicy he doesn’t even say he is boyfriend. How should I do? I don’t even mind you email me and I will personally pay you for coach. Thank you!!!
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:18 pm
Hmm… you should listen to the FWB podcast.
Also, you seem to have a general situation.
meh
April 16, 2015 at 6:51 pm
Hi Chris,
I have been using your site for awhile and wanted to run something by you. My ex and I dated for 3 1/2 years, and we were good friends for 2 years before that. Due to long distance, him going to medical school, and me having depression due to family/school issues, he dumped me out of the blue During the breakup he cried profusely and said he didn’t know if he could ever find someone better than me. This was in March 2014. He was very broken over the breakup, and yes, due to stupidity we remained in contact after the breakup as i was out of the country at the time. When I came home we slept together and went on “dates” and hung out a lot. When we returned to our prospective schools I decided to use your sight very seriously. I did NC over October 2014, but when I completed NC he was happy to hear from me but he said he was talking to a girl he liked at his uni in November. I was crushed but he said it wasn’t serious. I used your text tactics (ending the convo first) and for a month things were going SO well. I had one bad emotional phone call though (I said I missed him and brought up my depression), and things went downhill from there. I also buckled and actually had phone sex after he sexted me a few times in November. The next two weeks though in December, he told me we could not see each other or talk frequently anymore because was dating that girl he liked officially. But he still reached out to me and was very sweet and we used our old inside jokes. But then I faced some obstacles in school and relapsed into depression. In February of 2015 I called him in an emotional state. He was helpful but I could tell he wanted to drift away from me. In March, he banned me from texting or calling him anymore, and will only contact me through FB now. However, I have been in NC since early March. Realistically, this new girl he is dating is probably the girl of his dreams–the same ethnicity, same course of study, same friend group. I also know my odds of winning him back are incredibly low. I have to mention though that our relationship had few major complications–we were super compatible, his family loved me, and our chemistry was always on fire. For me, the honeymoon period never ended since we were always super sweet during the 3 years we were together. I cannot be in la la land anymore–I suspect that he has probably moved on. Should I contact him at the end of April? Should I elongate this recent NC until May? I might be moving into the same city he goes to school at. I can’t help but feel there might be hope. I can’t but feel this girl is a rebound because in the past he said during undergrad this specific girl was basic and uninteresting. What should I do? Throw in the towel? Wait longer? Try to move on? Or reach out to him in May? Your response is greatly appreciated.
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:14 pm
I would elongate it till may!
meh
April 16, 2015 at 6:54 pm
Also in regards to being the ungettable girl–I have lost 10 pounds, gotten in shape, and received treatment for my depression. The treatment has been going extremely well and I am optimistic about my mental health since it has been great for the first time in a long time. A friend of mine said at this point I should throw in a little jealousy. I am using FB to my advantage (we are still FB friends) and have been posting fun pictures and positive posts. Just wanted to add.
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:15 pm
AWESOME you seem to be doing amazing.
I am impressed.
aynn
April 16, 2015 at 5:37 pm
I had been dating my ex for over a year and discovered I was pregnant , we disagreed about what to do about the situation but before we could come to a conclusion we broke up due to a fight one night because he feel asleep at a bar . (Not the first time this has happened.) But I went to drive him home and he started saying how I don’t take pride in my looks anymore , that I was not mature enough to have a baby , how its sad I work two part time jobs , so when we got to his house I dropped him off and the left , he called and begged me to turn around but I was so hurt I told him that I I was done because he hurt me so much , he told me to go trick the next boyfriend into having a kid the way I tricked him . I gave it a few days before I texted him , he didn’t answer me for weeks and then I finally called him again after trying every few days or so and he answered saying I lost him, that we are done he has moved on . After the horrible conversation I texted him I was keeping the baby and he texted back that I was out of my mind …I didn’t respond and then he called so I answered …all he could say was this is not going to win him back , he is done , how sorry I am , that I’m not that great and all I said many times was OK …he also stated that he couldn’t trust me BC he thought I couldn’t get pregnant so what are we gonna do about that …so that really confused me . Why would he ask that ? I’m am going to strictly stick to the NC rule but I have decided proceed with Adoption but don’t plan on telling him since wants me to leave him alone which he has made very clear. Do you think he will come around or should I give up all hope?
Caroline
April 16, 2015 at 12:45 pm
Well my ex told me he made a mistake choosing the girl he left me for, they argue constantly. He tells me life is terrible right now.
Looks like he had a case of the GIGS.
Now this hurts, it appears he’d rather be with her and miserable than with me and happy (because when together he said life couldn’t be any better). We never argued, not once in two years.
No idea what move to make. 10 months of NC, a week of happy flirty contact, I’ve gone back to NC.
So my question is am I wrong to assume he knows he can have me back?
For all I know he could be waiting for a sign from me while I’m waiting for one from him.
Caroline
April 20, 2015 at 9:14 am
Indeed, ungettable girl and all of that.
I’m currently more confused. If I see him in person he’s flirty, reminiscent and complimentary on my looks. He’s been checking up on what I do via mutual friends and the internet.
So I tried a text, a fun lighthearted one, I had spotted something he’s wanted to buy for ages so let him know.
He’s ignored me.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:27 pm
Hmm its strange because 10 months of NC may have given him the impression he can’t have you back (which is good in a way.)
mimy
April 16, 2015 at 11:35 am
hi! I need help from you so bad. My boyfriend and I was in relashionship for 3 years and then he broke up with me, and after few days he found a new girlfriend. They are still together, like 6 months or something. The thing is he allways call me, texting me, we even meet once. We had a long distance relashinship and he sad that he still love me, but he have a new girlfriend and new life. I decided to win him back. I am doing the NC rule for almost 3 weeks and during that 3 weeks he called me few times and texted me. I need to know what I am supposed to do after NC rule? I need to contact him and what after that? Please help me!
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:28 pm
You can grab PRO for info on that but also this site has a ton of articles about what to do after NC.
Liva
April 16, 2015 at 8:23 am
Hi Chris! First off, thanks for writing all these great articles!
I have a situation that isn’t exactly covered here – something I would actually love to see a future article about as it isn’t really mentioned anywhere on the site yet. What are the chances of getting back together if your ex broke up a second time? Me and my ex were together 1½ year before he broke up because he wanted to be on his own. We then got back together about a year after and that relationship lasted one amazing and completely problem-free year. He then broke up again because he fell out of love with me.
So, I would love to hear more about the chances of getting back together a third time!
Sarah
April 19, 2015 at 9:40 pm
Chris,
He’s attracted to me, but I feel like he is trying hard to get over me. He’s sleeping with a not ungettable girl, she’s chubby :/ he said she’s fun.
I’m super sad. I feel like giving up. And he said a month was not long enough to have him forgot how he labeled me… Hot but too emotional.
Now what???
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:32 pm
Thanks for commenting on them.
I do have a drafted article about that situation (can’t guarantee when it will come out though.)
Jess
April 16, 2015 at 2:47 am
Hi Chris,
What if our breakup is a combination of both? My ex broke up with me because he fell out of love with me but we live an hour away from each other(I live on one side of the state, he’s on the other). So what are the chances of this? Good or average?
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:33 pm
Average is what I would say.
sherry
April 15, 2015 at 10:55 pm
my ex and i had dated for 3 years, broke up , had sex for 6 months, i finally did the NC, and now he is dating someone else. he said that they have only gone on 3 dates. he specifically said “if i didn’t like someone, do you think i would even be going out with them?” i feel like he is just rubbing it all in my face. and the grass aint greener! she is a bit on the heavy side, but she kind of looks the same as me! Like a less attractive me. she also has the exact same job, in her 30’s like me (he’s 27). i found that weird. i now weight 125 lbs, and after a month i look great and made major improvement in all the things he was complaining about. he told me tho that a month is not long enough for him to forget the reasons we broke up and that he would need months. like 6 he said. he broke up with me because he said i was too emotional, clingy and needy. Tho i had reasons, this is how he views me. He said he doesn’t think I will never change, but i have been working all this! he has been reaching out to me everyday for a week, and we had sex twice (i know your all against this, and i shouldn’t have done it, but i wanted to remind him what he was missing after i found out he has been dating). im jumping back into NC. But, I’m scared he’s going to go futher with this girl if im ignoring him, tho he obviously isnt that into her if he is contacting and sleeping with me? plus he told me he still gets extremely jealous of me dating.
I don’t know my chances anymore. he just feels like a vindictive person, like its a game to make sure im hurting. he knows i still want him, i don’t even have to say it, he just says he knows.
what do i do now?
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:36 pm
I think you are definitely right that you shouldn’t have slept with him (even if it was to remind him of the old times.)
Definitely go back into NC at this point.