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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Post categories
Kelsey
April 15, 2015 at 7:49 pm
Hey chris!
So I did NC for a month, and then reached out to my ex. It took him 8 hours(!!!) to respond to my first text, but after that I waited awhile and he responded right away! Since then we have texted a couple more time, and everything was great! But now, all of the sudden he isn’t responding again… I know I’ve read something on here about guys doing that, but I can’t for the life of me find the article on here. Is this a bad sign? I thought everything was going so well, now I’m not sure..
Thanks!
B
April 16, 2015 at 5:01 pm
I’m running into the same problem myself. Ive been using variations of the suggested texts. Responded beautifully and engaged for a few days, then nothing!
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:38 pm
How are your texts?
What exactly are you texting him?
Lisa
April 15, 2015 at 5:06 pm
P.S.
Yes, I’ve already bought your book months ago
Lisa
April 15, 2015 at 5:05 pm
He broke up with me 4 months ago. He is a wonderful man who was there for me during our whole relationship. It lasted 1 1/2 years and he showed me and told me that he loved me very much.
I was very sick last year but he was always by my side. Because of that we couldn’t move in together. And that’s when I changed, he said. I cried all the time, got depressive, needy and clingy and even jealous. He started his masters in another city with 90 percent girls in his classes and I constantly freaked out. I told him he wouldn’t love me anymore and that he would spend more time with them than me. I even broke up with him in front of his friends, but later sitting outside for hours crying.
I know I was a hysterical woman and I completely understand why he broke up. I wrote so many mails telling him how sorry I am but he says that we just don’t match. He said that in the past he truly loved me but that he is hurt and that we both have to accept that it doesn’t work anymore.
After all the begging etc. I strated no contact 5 weeks ago. Then I asked him if he would like to get a coffee in the next weeks. He answered and said it would be nice to do that. After one week I texted him if he was free next Friday, but he didn’t answer.
The next night I got attracted by a drunk guy and since last year a man tried to rape me, all the bad memories came up and my ex wasn’t there. So I freaked out again:
Texting, calling, telling him how much I miss him bla bla
All he wrote was: oh, that is horrible! I am glad you could escape. He hasn’t answered the phone
What should I do? All my friends tell me to give up. I am 26 and this is the first time that I feel so horrible because of a man. I just can’t let go.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:41 pm
He is probably brought back to the hysterical woman when you did the I miss you stuff and is scared to be associated with you at this point.
You need to tread very carefully going forward. Take things really slow.
jessica
April 15, 2015 at 3:52 pm
Chris would you mind helping out with what to do once NC has been completed, I would say that my ex is clueless to the whole NC being put on him. I was hoping that he would contact before the 30 days was up but no such luck.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:43 pm
Have you planned out any texts yet?
There are tons of articles on this site covering post NC steps.
Shannon Los
April 15, 2015 at 1:27 pm
Hey there!
My boyfriend and I recently broke up after almost four years together. I’ve been trying to do some major soul searching and came across your website, which may I add is absolutely AMAZING! Him and I were doing so well at the beginning and of course after the honeymoon was over, the stupid fights started. I don’t know exactly how much I want to write because I don’t know if I’m wasting my time and won’t get a reply back. I guess I just want to say it was a blessing to see the whole “NC” rule!! We broke up about two weeks ago, and the texts have been more nasty than nice, that’s for sure!! Upon finding your website, I have decided to give the good ‘ol NC a try because I completely agree with everything you said. I would absolutely LOVE to be back with him but some things really need to change and the ridiculous fights need to stop.. and I believe that having a month with NO CONTACT, just might do the trick! He’s told me how he wants to grow old with me and that I’m his soul mate and he couldn’t picture himself EVER being with another woman, but on the other hand, how can a person who supposedly loves you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you be SO CRUEL beyond words?? We’re both 36 so we’re not getting any younger. JUST two weeks ago, he told his mother how he wants to start a family with me because we’re not getting any younger. TWO WEEKS LATER WE’RE BROKEN UP??
My question to you is – how successful has the NC really been? I’m afraid that if I DO end up doing this (which I’m almost 100% sure I am), he’s going to just be done with me and move on? We’ve never went a month without communicating. We’ve never went more than a week without communicating. I just don’t want him to think that I’ve washed my hands clean of him.
Thanks so much!! I wish I could get more into it right now (but I’m at work, LOL), but if I hear back from you, I’ll let you in on some more of him and I!
I hope to hear from you!! š
Shannon
April 27, 2015 at 4:25 pm
Ahhhh!! You raise a good point! Very true! Ummm. I didn’t get a CONGRATS from you! haha! I’m on day FOURTEEN! I think I should celebrate tonight! lol!!! My mindset is so different than it was when I first started the official NCR! I’m so proud of myself!! I’ve been doing lots of thinking!! It’s been an interesting 14 days to say the least!! š
SHANNON
April 23, 2015 at 1:08 pm
Again, thank you for getting back and thank you so much for the compliment! Yes! Definitely keeping my spirits up, I have to or I’ll go batty! I’ve read TONS of your posts and it’s insane what girls go through and deal with in their relationships!! OMG and the questions you get asked!! I don’t want to hurt feelings, especially on a website like yours, but why in the hell would ANYONE want to go back to someone after they were cheated on?? Like I said, my ex factor and I were almost together for 4 years and I don’t give a hoot how much I love him… if I EVER found out he cheated on me, even right now while we’re on this “break”, I am STILL faithful.. but OMG if I ever found out he cheated or is hooking up with some chick after I gave him nothing but faithfulness and loyalty, see ya!! F THAT noise! That is ONE THING I will never tolerate because that’s the worst thing that someone you love can do to you! Some of your fans on here are nuts for wanting to be with someone after that!! OMG and some of the questions you get?? How do you deal?? LOL!! I love reading your posts/stories! You have a great sense of humor!! You crack me up! Well! Back to worky!! Oh, and I’m on day 11 of NC! Can I get a CONGRATS?!? Wooop, woooop!!!
Chris Seiter
April 24, 2015 at 10:31 pm
I don’t know…
I think maybe if the person was married or had kids involved they would want to try everything…
Me personally, cheating is a line that I can’t forgive so I am just like you.
SHANNON
April 22, 2015 at 6:35 pm
Hi Chris!! Thank you! Actually, inside, my heart is broken and I’m hurting like whoa, BUT, I have an amazing support system and without my friends, I wouldn’t be able to get through this!! I have to be honest with you, each day of the NC, it’s actually getting easier and things are starting to make more sense and I know that either way, I will be fine. I was fine BEFORE him, I’ll be fine AFTER him if that’s what he decides!! I also loved BEFORE HIM and although I currently can’t ever imagine my life without him in it, I will love AFTER him if he doesn’t want to work on us and appreciate and respect what he has in front of him!! This is the greatest plan ever (NC)!! It really gives you time to focus on “YOU” and in the case of us getting back together, I’ve had time to really reflect on going about different ways to work on us, instead of saying “let’s talk”, then we get together and we DON’T talk! It’s like everything gets swept under the friggin’ carpet! We DO need to sit down and have a LONG talk about EVERYTHING! ..and this time apart has given me that “time” to really think about all of the things I need to say or ask him!! I LOVE this website! It’s so positive!! I’ve also been doing daily affirmations (OMG I’ve never done anything like that either), and I have to say how much these tools have been helping me! I’ve done some self-improving with my attitude and I’ve been working out like a mad woman! Believe me, the next time he sees me whether it’s because we are going to work things out or if it’s anywhere from the grocery store to the mall, to the bar, he is going to WISH that he wanted to work things out!! If he wants to throw 4 years down the drain? Wow, be my guest! I just hope he knows that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side! ..and if that’s the case, I’ll just laugh to myself at what he ends up with because I know “my” worth! I’m an awesome person inside and out! I have a great job, I’m smart, funny, I have a heart of gold, I’m nowhere near busted (LOL), everyone I meet loves me, etc., so yeah, bye-bye then!!
Is there any other advice you have for someone in my situation or do you think I’m going about this all in the right way?
THANK YOU so much for replying! I can only imagine how busy you are!! I appreciate it 10000%!
I hope you’re having a great week!
Chris Seiter
April 23, 2015 at 12:37 am
Hi Shannon,
I love hearing stuff like this.
Makes me proud that women out there read my advice, put it into action and either way they are having a postive impact on their life.
SHANNON
April 16, 2015 at 8:20 pm
Hi again!
Thanks so much for replying back, I can see how busy you are! š
I also did send you an email to go a bit more in depth with it!
Truth is, we got into a stupid drunk fight (ONLY time we fight is when we’re drunk) and he said some pretty harsh things that I KNOW aren’t true, but he knows exactly what to say to hurt me when he wants to, which is not only immature, but it’s just wrong. I’m not an angel either, we’re 2 peas in 1 disturbing pod, him and I! HA!
I just love him with everything I’ve got and I wish we didn’t get so stupid with each other at times. Our good was AMAZING, but the bad was HORRIBLE, which can easily be fixed.
I just don’t get men sometimes? It’s not like we cheated on each other, got physical with each other, it was just another stupid, silly fight! That lead to a break up??
I’m on day 2 of the NC and I’m definitely standing my ground with it. I’m the sucker that always gives in when I get the “I miss you” and other sweet texts or emails. It’s about time I show him that I’m dead serious about this and I am going to go the full 30 days!! I want him to realize what he’s missing and let HIM feel the hurt that I feel inside when I don’t feed to his ego and reply back. Also, I shut my text notifications off so I’m not tempted to look at my phone every 5 on the 5 minutes like an insane lunatic!!!
I definitely know that there IS hope for us, especially seeing that he did say he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, on top of all of the wonderful memories we’ve created in almost 4 years.
I’m trying to look at this little break up as a good thing! I really BELIEVE that it can be a good thing. Sometimes the time apart WILL make you realize how much you love someone and truly do miss them. However, I’m a realist and I need to be prepared in case he doesn’t want to be with me and has been full of shit for 4 years! HA!! Either way, what’s going to happen after these 30 days is going to happen either way. Also, if we don’t get back together, at least I’ve had a 30 day head start to start the “getting over him” process.
I just want to thank you again for having a website like this! You don’t know how much it helps someone who is going through such a shitty situation!
Hopefully after my 30 days, I’ll have another success story for you to throw under your belt! Woohooo!!
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:18 pm
Hi Shannon,
So sorry for the late response.
It’s starting to get crazy.
I think you have the perfect attitude. I wish everyone came to this site with your attitude.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:45 pm
It’s rare that you won’t get a response from an ex after NC.
sarah
April 15, 2015 at 10:43 am
Me and boyfriend have split up gradually over the past week part in arguments part in calm discussion but the arguments that caused it have been becoming more regular over the past 6 weeks. Before last night he wanted me to help him with teaching him something on a computer (he’s a bit of a tech virgin) he asked if I could do it today, he already knew I had plans to go to a friends this evening. So not wanting to be childish and also wanting to help because I want us to stay together I said I would do it but that I was meeting my friend at 4. Now earlier on in the day he came into my work to see how I was based in the past weeks ups and downs, I was not there and he spoke to a mutual friend and complained that I wouldn’t leave him alone. So I thought that agreeing to help him but keeping the time limited was the best solution. He took it as no one has ever fully put him first and by me putting a time limit on it bothered him, he told ne he didn’t want ny help and that someone else is going to do it. That clearly upset me but then resulted in him asking me over to his and a calm discussion about the split and him asking me to now help him still on Sunday. But after reading your pages and knowing him I think the no contact rule would work wonders, but if I don’t help him on Sunday will he take that the wrong way again and push him further away. I know I got to be strong but sometimes he behaviour is confusing. He’ll tell me he wants a brew but then texts or cone to see if I’m ok! Which then makes me think if I out my fighting gloves on and I show him that what we was arguing about was products of our own fears then it will change but it seems to be going round in circles. Sorry for long comment any help will do!!
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:46 pm
You could always start the NC rule after sunday.
AMY
April 15, 2015 at 9:23 am
my guy left me coz he wanted to focus on his career and supposedly i was distracting him..
we were in a relation fr only 2 months but we were friends before that. Although in those two months he talked about marriage and even kids..
he asked me to maintain some distance but i got scared and became clingy…due to which he completely cut off all ties and said he will see what happens in future but he wants to focus on his career now.
i went into No contact..today is day 28.
on day 25 my results were declared..he unblocked me on watsapp and asked abt the result and before i could reply..he blocked me again.
can u pls tell me what is going on in his head and what should i do?
also..i think in these days he shifted the city so may be he has changed his phone no. but his whatsapp works with the previous old no.only (but i am blocked on whatsapp and fb) and dont know his new no.
can u pls help me? i have really high hopes frm u
AMY
April 29, 2015 at 6:11 pm
hey.. yes i read your article and i completed NO Contact..
and while i was figuring how to contact him again .. i thought i should text him on his old number..(still not sure whether it works or not ) so on day 36 of NC i texted him “asking the name of the place text”..
he didnt reply maybe deliberately or may be bcoz he changed the number.
next day by a chance encounter i meet his sister and we have fun.. though we didn’t talk about him much.. that same night he unblocked me on whatsapp..(i dnt knw what worked… text or his sister)
i didnt know what to do.. i didnt initiate talking and neither did he..
SO finally i am unblocked on whatsapp for more than 24 hours and we have not talked..
What do u suggest is best? should i be an UG girl and wait for him to initiate? or should i initiate with something funny like.. haha .. so finally i see u š
i think i am close and i dont want to make any mistakes.. thanks in advance š its all because of you š
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:46 pm
Have you read my article on being blocked by an ex?
I think that would be helpful for you.
Sona
April 15, 2015 at 7:45 am
Hi,
I have been reading your website when I sensed my ex wanted to break up with me and usually I don’t give second chances but I feel that our break up really wasn’t what either of us wanted in our relationship. My ex and I dated for 3 months and even though its a short time, I fell deeply in love with him. The reason he broke up with me is because he already works 2 jobs and his parents are currently visiting him and will be living with him for a while. During the last week of our relationship, I became a bit desperate and needy and was begging to spend time with him due to his other commitments. Then after we spoke on the phone he just ignored my last message, I assumed he needed space so I left it for a few days. After so much silence, I didn’t want to be left hanging so I ended the relationship with him and he replied saying that “he was sorry things were ending this way and he didn’t want me to wait for him and he wished me best of luck for the future.”
I know that we didn’t date for long and towards the end things weren’t that great between us but I really think that if given the chance we would’ve had something special. My question is should I try and get him back? I’m currently in the 2nd week of NC and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him and do you think that we have a chance at a good relationship?
Thanks in advance for your help.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:47 pm
Only if you feel that a relationship with him is worth it in the end.
Do you?
Hope
April 15, 2015 at 7:43 am
Hi there. My husband left a month ago. We have kids. I am really trying to figure out what to do. He says my depression is the reeason, which I understand. I have been exhausted trying to look after the baby and not sleeping. Im ashamed to say i was almost suicidal. I know this is terrible behaviour – I have never been like this infront of the kids. But I was truly so exhausted and was craving love and care from my husband. But I also think he thinks I almost cheated on him a few years ago. I didnt, and would never. But I did chat to a mutual male friend on facebook in a completely non sexual way. It was a friendly chat about where him and his girlfriend were going on holiday. It was a bit dumb on my part. But my husband miss read the situation. He was so angry, he kicked in a door. I wanted to explain myself but was scared to upset him or be taken the wrong way. I have trouble standing up for myself and a pattern from my upbringing is to take the blame for everything – which means i feel bad and responsible for his pain – even when it may not be entirely my fault. Anyway I do really need to work on my self esteem, But I also want my husband back. he says my low moods have affected his feelings for me. he says he used to have unconditional love for me but its dried up. He says has said in anger the relationship is dead, and its over and that i need to proect myself. But he has also said, he does still love me, ( not in love i think), that he needs to heal and that there is a chance but i need to learn to love myself. He cant be my rock anymore. i tried to be a little distant around my baby daughters bday, said it was just me and 2 mom friends of mine ( which was true) and that it might be best if he doesnt come, i havent been in the mood for a big celebration and honestly i thought it might be a little awkward for him as it wasnt really a bday party – just a playdate. I thought he could see her at the end and do something with her. But it backfired and he was furious with me. Up until that point i have been really easy going with the kids. obviously i want him to see them whenever he wants – hes their dad and they love him. I was just trying to create a little space. – bad timing i guess. anyway now hes mad and cold. ( i did end up telling him to come, i apologised for saying the wrong thing – he came but was really cold) Is their any hope? please help me. I love him and want to keep our family together I just want him to trust me and see I can be the fun sweet girl he fell in love with. I want him to love me again. we used to be so in love. we do have alot of laughs together too. What would you reccomend? should i do no contact _ do i need to write him a letter explaining i never cheated and that im looking after myself now? ( obviously worded better than that) but I dont know I just want him to see my positives i guess. Thankyou for your time.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:48 pm
No, you can do the no cheating explanation after you get him back.
For now I think some distance (through limited contact) since you have kids is a smart way to approach the situation.
Lynn
April 15, 2015 at 5:31 am
Hi Chris,
First I want to thank you so much for what you’re doing and all the help you’re giving us women. It’s greatly appreciated!
I’ll give you a short version- I was dating my ex for about four months and towards the end of the fourth month we had an argument that ended up causing him to believe that he’s incapable of being in a relationship, I’ll explain more.
We both had a past of being with people who have hurt us and with dating one another we were able to be open and honest and didn’t have to fear about expressing how we feel. His ex girlfriend (of 6 years) left a really bad mark on him. She wasn’t very supportive, didn’t care about his feelings and was a big flirt. They broke up over two years ago (she eventually moved on and now has a child with another man). When me and him began dating we shared our pain from past relationships and that’s what grew us closer and were able to show one another so much care and support for one another. He was very sweet, attentive and never had a problem showing how much he cared about me, where I showed the same for him. It was a great four months but then we had an argument where he felt that I wasn’t being supportive enough and brought back negative feelings that reminded him of his ex. With that, he completely changed and pulled away and refused to open up (which reminded me of an ex). Where now both of us are closed up and he tells me how he can’t be in a relationship, he isn’t ready. Now I’m heartbroken and I become needy and tell him I don’t want to break up. I text him, call him and he agrees to meet with me but all he tells me repeatedly is that he isn’t ready for a relationship and we should be friends. I do care for him so I agree, let’s be friends I don’t want to lose him. However, I would text him and see how he’s doing and he would react defensive, saying how he needs space and that’s why he can’t be in a relationship with me. I apologize and I tell him I understand he wants to be alone so I’ll leave him alone. And I don’t contact him, three days later he texts me asking me how I am and how work and etc are going. I respond and keep it simple. Then a week later we happen to drive past one another (we live near one another) and he quickly texts me how he saw me and he sounds so exited through text. Again, I respond with keeping it simple. Then another week goes by and he texts me while he’s at work to say hello. I keep the response simple. It’s been a month since he told me he didn’t want a relationship and when I wanted a friendship he was defensive and cold. He has texted me at least once a week and I have responded but now, It’s been about four days since our last text conversation and I am starting NC. And this morning he saw me at the gym and came to wave hello, I did a quick wave and continued working out. He seemed very happy to see me.
The question I am getting at would be, what’s he thinking and what should I do? I care about him but I was hurt when he left and compared me to his ex. He became so angry and pushed me away and even when I said I wanted to keep this relationship he kept saying how he didn’t want one so I tried a friendship and he became so cold. So why does he text me once a week asking how I am? Why does he get excited when he sees me and has to come and say hello or text me? It’s very confusing and I’m doing the “Move On Without Moving On” but I don’t know if he’s right that he can’t be in a relationship, so am I crazy for thinking he will come back or maybe I should stick around because he will realize that I’m nothing like his ex and will regret breaking up with me? And I won’t say I’m a perfect girlfriend but I would consider myself a good 8 out of 10. I was always supportive, showed him how much he meant to me and took his past hurts into consideration and wouldn’t ever purposely hurt him. I’m also pretty smart, attractive and have a great sense of humor. I know any guy would be lucky to have me as a girlfriend, so I’m kind of stuck here. I’m definitely taking your articles and advice into consideration and seeing where the NC takes me. I also worry though that he will begin dating someone else for some reason, I don’t really know why. It’s always a fear I’ve had with men. Although, I might add, all the men I’ve dated do always come back but that’s when I’ve moved on.
Should I move on for good Chris? Could he really not be capable of being in a relationship or could that be a lie or something he said out of anger? What should I do?
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:50 pm
Well, I think if you move on in this case he probably would come back too.
Usually though its too late b/c when youve moved on you don’t want them back.
Umm… I really think moving on without moving on is a good idea for you.
Though I will say if you don’t think that the two of you can have a future together (really think about it) then its not worth it.
kitty
April 15, 2015 at 4:48 am
Hi Chris,
what about the age gap and a new situation of long distance combined?
what about if the relationship was great, but he said he isn’t ready to have kids for a few years, but by that time he would want someone younger?
thank you.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:51 pm
Age gap is average
Long distance is average
(I think its average.)
Jessica
April 15, 2015 at 4:11 am
Chris,
I am currently on 32 days no contact. I went on a trip and wanted to wait about a week until I got back to send my first text. So, I was planning on sending the text this weekend. (Plus, I was going to read through your book one more time) I was at the health food store picking up some groceries and all of a sudden my ex is looking at me from across the apple bin. I just got done working out, so I was definitely not looking my best. He came around and I shook my head at him and kinda laughed under my breath about life being funny. We asked each other how life was and it was super awkward. Then, I gained a little more control and asked him about his work and an injury I knew he had. He seemed pretty quick to want to get away, but were both very pleasant. It was a general break up. he called me 10 days into the no contact and I ignored it and he didn’t contact me again ( I’m sure he didn’t contact more because of his ego). Anyways, first do you think him not talking a lot and him trying to leave quickly is a bad sign? And most importantly should I go into no contact again? For how long?
Thanks,
Jessica
Jessica
April 18, 2015 at 7:18 pm
So should I do some more no contact or does it not matter?
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:52 pm
No I think his pride was wounded.
Anonymous
April 15, 2015 at 3:14 am
Hi Chris! My ex & I were together for 8 months and LD for half. Fought A LOT — just couldn’t seem to communicate productively.
Finally didn’t talk for 1 month (he reached out day 20), fought again shortly, didn’t talk for another 21 days (he reached out)…
To tell me he moved back to NYC few days ago b/c a good job fell in his lap! It has only been 7 months & he’s back! He thought I would be mad for not telling me but I wasn’t. He told me that he remembered my b-day was this week & is going to send something. I invited him to my celebration but he understandably declined.
He said we can’t ever talk w/o fighting, we haven’t seen each other in a long time, & that it would be awkward. Plus, he wasn’t really looking to reconnect — just wanted to let me know he was back. I said I wasn’t either š .
Directly after, he asked if I’m dating. (He did this after the 1st NC too) My reply was “I’m not thinking about that”. He then tried to start a fight by saying “I’m not stupid enough to think you haven’t hooked up with anyone in this time… assumptions are all I have b/c I don’t think you’d tell me the truth”. I replied “Of course I would. You meant a lot to me. Anyway, it was nice hearing from you”
Then he suggested getting lunch to catch up if I’m up for it. He kept thanking me for being nice & pleasant. Next day he texted again to share about his day, how he’s a COO now, asked for my opinion on something, asked me about work, etc. Ratio is 2/3: 1 (me) for most part. Didn’t hear from him today, not expecting to tomorrow, but definitely Thursday (b-day).
WTF? Is he trying to reconnect or not? I think it threw him off that I’m not reactive & actually fun to talk to again. I’m going to say Good Chance as long as I keep staying grounded & not get thrown off by his mixed signals — thoughts?
Anonymous
April 16, 2015 at 4:30 pm
Yes.
Confident we can communicate this time around though. Especially since long distance isn’t a factor anymore. I’ve been doing Active-NC Part 2 w/ help of therapist, meditation, and programs (your ebook included). For myself really. He did end up contacting me again yesterday for help on something. So far it’s been 3 positive interactions. Light playful exchange in one of them.
Does he still love me but feeling things out? Or friend-zoning me? Regardless, I am taking things s l o w… Average chance then?
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 4:42 pm
My money is on feeling things out.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:56 pm
Is it true that you guys can’t talk without fighting?
Kelsey
April 15, 2015 at 12:36 am
I’m in a situation right now where I’ve basically been ignored for a week by a guy I used to date, and recently started seeing again. We weren’t necessarily fighting or anything to cause him to ignore me, but I DEFINITELY was being a pretty needy emotional wreck (I have a lot on my plate right now, grandma dying, about to move, dad got a back disease taking away his ability to walk, facing some major life changes and decisions, etc etc). I’m honestly not taking it incredibly personally (or trying not to), he’s a bodybuilder, has a competition coming up, is on an incredibly strict diet making him tired and sick, again etc etc. It’s been six months since we decided to end things, and he told me that despite the fact that he had a brief girlfriend, he hasn’t slept with anyone since me (we were together for about 3 months over the summer last year). I slept with two people in those six months, both awful mistakes, and I think that might bother him as the fact that he had a brief girlfriend bothers me. We ended things because I was moving away for college and we both have trust issues from past experiences and did not want to try the long distance thing at that time, unfortunately I made the mistake of drinking a little too much and blowing him up with awful texts, which he finally forgave me for. I’m moving back home in about a month. We discussed it, and he said that he’s not sure if he has time for a relationship again with everything he has and will have going on. I have my own reservations, being that we are just very different. He’s a bodybuilder with intense self discipline and focus, and doesn’t have a lot of time or a huge amount of depth in his thinking. I’m an incredibly intelligent and slightly crazy (mostly in a good way when I’m not stressing) pothead who’s likely to drop everything and take a spontaneous roadtrip or buy a pet snake just for the hell of it. Despite both of our reservations and the unlikely aspect of us being together with our personality differences in the first place, I know that we could bring incredible balance to each others lives and be very healthy for one another. Neither of us are cheaters or liars, and we have spent a lot of time just talking and talking about anything and everything in the past, which is another concern for him, because I’ve definitely robbed him of much needed sleep and kept him from his workouts and whatnot in the past just by being around and being part of the dynamic that we had. The ignoring thing came out of the blue, and I freaked out on the first day a little, and then calmed down and told him I was going to give him his space, hoped he was feeling okay and not pushing himself too hard, and I was sorry for being such a wreck and was working on improving things and the way I respond to stress. I’ve accidentally texted a few times since then, no response of course, and I’m trying super hard to not do that again and look desperate or needy. How much of a shot do you think I have, and any advice on anything I should say or do differently? I wasn’t sure how much of a good idea it was to be with him anyway because I’m used to a different type, but OF COURSE now that he’s gone I realize what a good thing it could be, and how much I miss him, and I’m worried that he’s realized that I can be a hot damn mess that isn’t worth the effort and energy in the first place. Thanks for reading/responding if you do!
Kelsey
April 16, 2015 at 4:34 pm
For the most part, I’m so bad about slipping tho haha. He’s a weird one too, I’m not even totally sure he’d want the nc rule. Last thing that was said was just that I was gonna give him space, hoped he wasn’t starving and did well in his show, but expect I might be a little mad about this if he comes back.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:57 pm
Have you slipped into the NC rule?
Funny
April 15, 2015 at 12:09 am
Hi Chris..
I broke up with my 4 months boyfriend a week ago. I know it just 4 months, but it was a really great relationship with him. He introduced me to his parents and sister (via skype) because they lived in France. I also introduced him to my parents. He was an āalmost perfectā boyfriend for me and we never had a bad fought/argument at all.
Since the beginning I knew that his job is really demanding (since heās the ānumber oneā at his work) and itās his priority. Lately, there are some problems happened to his job and also this time is nearly closed to his one year contract, heās stressed a lot.
A week before we broke up I felt like something different on him, he didnāt text me as much as he used to, didnāt called me ābabeā or āloveā, seemed a bit cold for me. Finally I decided to called and chat him at night but no answer at all (he didnāt read my chat), I thought he already sleep and I was ok with that. In the morning I found out that he updated his social media at midnight (his photo with his friend at club/lounge) but he didnāt even responded to my called & chat last night. I was really upset and emotional, so I just deleted his bbm, unfriend his facebook and other socmed.
He realized that and text me that heās sorry for taken distance for me for few days and he decided to called me. Later, he said sorry again and he said that hr thought or relationship had to stop because he wanted to focused a lot on his problems at work for the moment and he said that our relationship made him unfocused. Then, we broke up š
I was feel really bad because I deleted his bbm and unfriend his SocMed, so the next day I texted him to said sorry about that and said that I did that because I didnāt think I could handled when I saw his updates and makes me feel sad. He answered that by said that no need for me yo excuse, he understand that and itās him who is sorry. 3 days later I requested friend again to his SocMed but he hasnāt approved it yet until now.
Now I still feel sad and really wish that we could get back together, I acknowledged my mistake because I was to emotional at that time. What should I do? Should I give him time and space right now? I really want to talk to him but I donāt want to nagging him and disturbed him. How much do you think of a shot that I had?
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:58 pm
Time and space can work wonders!
Just sayin…
Sally
April 14, 2015 at 11:33 pm
What are the chances to get back together if my boyfriend has admitted to minor remaining feelings (but not love anymore he said), but doesn’t want to try again because I was emotionally abusive and we broke up many times before we split up definitely? I am not his favorite person at the moment, but we still talk almost daily.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:59 pm
Average I would say.
Tina
April 14, 2015 at 10:45 pm
Hey Chris!
My name is Tina and I live in Jordan. I met a guy more than a year ago who was on a study exchange. When he left to go back home he demanded to stay in contact with me and we spoke consistently for eight months. He was completely into me. We met up in London for two weeks and I thought things were brilliant. I fell head over heels for him. I have to mention here that he is saving himself for marriage and so we were not very intimate. When I came back home he grew distant and started to treat me as a friend. If even that. When I asked him what the reason was he said that he lost physical attraction to me even though I had not changed my appearance in the slightest. He said that everything else was there. I feel at an absolute loss because I was extremely attracted to him and still am. I was wondering if I have any chance at all at getting him back. And what it would involve since we are living apart. Thank you truly.
Tina
April 18, 2015 at 9:13 am
Physically together for two weeks but we spoke consistently for a year prior.
Tina
April 17, 2015 at 5:07 pm
we were physically together for two weeks but we talked consistently for a year
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 4:00 pm
How long did you date total?
Carol
April 14, 2015 at 7:37 pm
Hi I was with my ex for almost three years. He said we fought too much and we had a fight and he left. I think he thinks we’re always supposed to be in the honeymoon phase. He said he wasn’t happy anymore and immediately went on dates. He said he just wants to be friends but two days before the breakup he said he loves me/wants to marry me and we had plans the week after the breakup so it wasn’t planned. I love him so much and would do anything to get him back. Is there a chance I can get him back?
Carol
April 16, 2015 at 7:52 pm
I have but I’m just worried cause he’s going on dates already and talking to other girls and it’s painful. I don’t know if I should unfriend him on facebook
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 4:01 pm
Of course there is!
Have you read this page to figure out how good your chance is though?
Hopeless
April 14, 2015 at 7:02 pm
If you were in a LDR relationship (4 months) , and your ex has a gf now of a yr or soā¦AND, that ex bf has kept his ex gf as a “fwb” (even after being in a relationship with his current gf) for 2 yrsā¦what are the chances? I would believe horrible? lol
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 4:02 pm
Horrible would be correct…
Though I would say why would you want a guy who treats women this way?
Jess
April 14, 2015 at 6:42 pm
Hi Chris,
You covered the chances of a long distance relationship being able to work out again, but I’m more curious about the different kinds of long distance relationships. For me personally, the relationship I had with my ex turned long distance for his choice of university, but it wasn’t bound to stay that way as he would move back home once he got his degree in a little over a year. However, the distance put a lot of stress on the relationship and he broke it off because we couldn’t agree on how to treat it in the time when we were apart. What chance would you give that kind of long distance relationship? I think I also left you a voicemail for your podcast explaining my situation, but since I figure you get a lot of those I’d at least like to gauge my chances here first.
Also, it might have been good to include other LDSR types such as couples who start long distance (like you and your wife, who are picture perfect by the way!), relationships that stem from a vacation fling, things like that. Keep doing what you do!
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 4:04 pm
Haha I have been working the kinks out on a lot of stuff lately so I have fallen behind.
I would still say this has an average chance.