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Brandon
October 26, 2016 at 10:57 pm
My girlfriend of 1 year and I broke up (for one month now). Shes 31, and I am 29. Our relationship was beautiful for a while, and we considered each other soul mates and true loves and we believe fate brought us together due to the immensely unlikely circumstances in which we met. We became very seriously, we discussed marriage, family, kids often. We even went engagement ring shopping and I put a downpayment on the ring. However, 8 months or so into the relationship our communication began to deteriorate and a lot of needless arguments kept taking place and would be held onto for too long and turn into resentment, by both of us. The breakup itself dragged on for a few weeks, as we both felt like the stress and arguing was becoming too much, but we both loved each other so deeply and didn’t want to end it. Everything came to a head, when I forced her to decide between actively working on our relationship or ending it. She asked for time to think, I only gave her one day, and pressured her again into answering where we go from here, and she said “lets end it then.”
I took the breakup horribly. I went from anger, to bargaining, to severe depression. She is my best friend, and my only good friend in this area (just moved across the country), and I made a terrible decision to keep texting her over and over as I went through the stages of grief. She told me that we just are not working out, and our relationship is not healthy with all of the constant arguing. She told me that she needs to be in a relationship where she feels loved, needed, and supported. She said we can be friends, but at this time she cannot date me. Maybe one day we can date again, maybe not. What is meant to be will be. She cannot force anything, it has to be organic.
After pushing her with my emotional texts, she said that whether I like it or not, we will date other people. She is not going to force anything in her life anymore, and what happens happens. If someone from her past re-enters her life and things happen organically then thats that. If not, then not. I felt from that comment, that she started dating within two weeks after us splitting. And I had a break down in text with her, saying that I cannot believe she has moved on so fast, I thought we said we were taking a break to work on ourselves etc etc. I explained that I love her, I want no one else in this world, ever, and I was so hurt that she was giving up on us so easily and that I must not have meant anything to her.
I apologized to her later for all of the emotional drama. She said that she wants to be there for me, but I took it to a whole other level. I sent her an email apologizing for my mistakes in the relationship, and that I was terrible at expressing my love. And that this was all out of fear, and how I was scared about starting a family with a broken home like the one I grew up in. She said the letter made her cry, and it was beautifulyl written, and that she would respond tomorrow. But she never responded.
It has been a week since the email, and one month since our breakup. I still know this is my one true love. I am in so much pain because I believe that I have pushed my true love away. I never showed her how much she means to me, and that I value her in my life above all else. I regret that I have come to these realizations about how to act in a relationship too late and that I have to lose her forever in order to learn this lesson.
I do not want to lose her. I love her so so much. I truly believe that we are meant to be a family. I feel so lost now. I do not know what to do. I know I went too far during and after the breakup. Have I ruined it? Have I pushed her to the point of no-return? What do I do? I want to send her a text that simply says “I am sorry for the overly emotional texts. There has been a lot for me to handle all at once, and I clearly did not handle it well. Messaging you was extremely unfair to you, and I’m sure this must have been difficult to see and I know this must have made you feel very uncomfortable. I hope you have a great weekend. Take care.”
Is the apology too much? Have I completely scared her away?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 7:50 pm
Hello,
Ok, enough with the chasing now.. And given her choice of guy now, it would be easier for you to show that you’re the better one by improving yourself.. Start with the no contact rule of 45 days, (because of all the chasing done) it’s not a punishment, it’s just to help you reverse and change your image in her mind.
Mia
October 25, 2016 at 12:54 am
My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years until he broke up with me 4 weeks ago. He said he wanted to be single to do his own thing. Everyone was shocked about the break up, and he sort of dropped off the face of the Earth. He didn’t say explicitly, but I assumed he wanted space so I didn’t contact him at all. Two weeks after we broke up he sent me a message asking to meet up the following week for lunch. I agreed and we met up; however he just acted like nothing had happened, if anything he was being a bit arrogant which isn’t like him. Then the following week he messaged me out of the blue, just talking about random stuff so I went along with it and for a day we just spoke normally and joked around. He asked to meet up again but I was busy so declined. He then asked about a different day and I said I’d get back to him but then I got sick so had to cancel. He was nice about it when I cancelled, and it has been 2 days and I haven’t heard from him since. I am scared of meeting up with him because I don’t want him to act as if nothing happened when I feel like a great relationship was thrown away just because he “felt like being single.” Every time we have spoken he has initiated contact, and I think he is trying to be nice to me but I am unsure whether he wants to talk about our relationship, whether he wants to be friends or whether he is only talking to me to make himself feel better about the break up. I am too emotionally exhausted to know what to do from now, please help!
Mia
October 26, 2016 at 10:59 pm
Hi Amor,
I have done the no contact for 32 days now, the only time I’ve spoken to him is when he’s contacted me first. I am now out of ideas of how to cope with the situation!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 8:11 pm
It’s not really a no contact rule if you’re weren’t focused in improving yourself.. And also it was broken when you met up for lunch after two weeks of breaking up and also when you kept talking to him when he initiates..no contact means not replying, no social media stalking and no liking of posts too..so, do you want to try that now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 1:17 pm
Hi Mia,
I think he misses you but he doesn’t want to get back together yet, so instead of asking for you back, he just asks to hang out.. Do you want to try doing the no contact rule?
A lot to say
October 18, 2016 at 3:33 pm
My situation is VERY strange, my boyfriend and i were best friends, he always said the reason he never said anything for aprox 7 years was due to the fact he believed he never had a chance with me. Eventually after his family began commenting, we got together, he was extremely dubious and wanted to keep it a secret until we were 100% sure we would work -he even tried to push for us to stay friends but couldn’t help himself. He had many barriers up and wasn’t a great boyfriend at the start, always worried about being seen as under my control or power to everyone and never wanting to succumb to what he liked to call ‘my influence’ in which by he had (as my best friend previously) seen other boys fall under and get hurt. I broke up with him because he hurt me a LOT but after he begged and pleaded, standing outside my front door in the pooring rain for hours on end I took him back because i did love him. After realizing i was in it for the long haul, and how much his protest behavior was hurting me (he would take everyones side but mine, refuse to compliment me etc), he began to change and became the most amazing boyfriend in the world, it was clear how besotted he was by me and i definitely wore the trousers -he ultimately became what he was scared of but said he was happy that way and would do anything -give up any person/job/thing in his life to make me happy/our relationship work. I had many trust issues with him because of how he acted at the beginning of our relationship and although he basically devoted his whole life to me and worshiped the ground i walked on, I loved him so much too, we were the most fiery couple, we loved too much and when we argued it was because we were both so sensitive and in love with the other that any small thing had the potential to hurt us. The whole way through our relationship his jealousy and insecurities were extremely prominent but he didnt want to ruin my life when i went to university 2 hours away, he came up every other week and had started a high pressure job but didnt commit to it and kept getting low gradings at work due to only being focused on me and leaving dead on time to get out to speak to me (unhealthy i know), he did not socialize with people from work for fear of upsetting me because of the remaining trust issues i had with him. Eventually i told him he needs to go out and make friends etc but he refused being too scared to hurt me or lose me even though i endlessly encouraged it and told him his lifestyle was unhealthy. He did not want to ruin my university experience and constantly pressured me to go out with friends. We both loved each other so dearly and fought so intensely, but when it came down to it, it was all because we did not want to be without one another. When i came home for summer break he began to tell me things had changed and that he did not believe i loved him anymore or that he could fulfill what i wanted in a partner. As a sufferer from depression, and a very long term illness, my moods were up and down regardless of him, but i guess that reflected in how i acted distant towards him sometimes. Eventually he began working until 11PM at night, he became slightly distant -only slightly and when i pulled him on it he broke up with me and said I needed a break to go out and be single and live my life for a couple of weeks and i would relaise i would be happier without him, but after if i still wanted him, he would be there. I desperately did not want this and tried phoning constantly and he started going out getting drunk with his friends and not wanting to speak to me, i ignored him for a couple of days and came back to our home town, he eventually contacted me the next day asking since i was home did i want to talk? I said yes and we went to speak and the more i tried to convince him how happy we were together, the more he protested we should not be together and he does not believe i truly love him even if i think i do, in the end i told him to drive me to his and i’ll pick up my stuff, he then started to cry and eventually said @to hell with it lets try again!’ as he realized the two week break he had in mind (although at first he did not tell me this was the duration he was thinking in his head) would not work, obviously from this point, our issues were not going to be swept under the carpet and over the next few days when we were good he said he couldnt believe he almost threw us away, when we were bad, and trying to combat our problems he stated thats why we should not be together. We left on a good note none the less and he took me back to my university. Whilst i was there that week, he began to hardly reply to my messages and worked extremely late, he also never wanted to talk to me. I went out with my friends and he got jealous and exclaimed that i am no longer his priority and he would no longer do anything to make me happy since he didnt think it was reciprocated. As the week went on he grew more and more distant. I dealt with it, until the night he did not say i love you, his explanations flipped from ‘it is probably just my mood swings and emotions i am so stressed i do not want to talk to anyone’ to he doesn’t know ‘to what extent he loves me’ to he does not know if loving me ‘is enough’ and how he doesnt want to live a lie to me or himself and if he isn’t fully in this he doesnt want to string me along. When i said i love you he said ‘hearing that i love you to but i dont know if its enough’ This guy was the guy who had planned our childrens names, where we should get married and all the other silly future ideals -he was the one who planned all that and was head over heels for two years -yet all this changed in a week? At this point i broke up with him as i simply could not stay with someone who said they do not know if they loved me -even though i loved him. The next day my crazily romantic best friend convinced me to go back to london and stand outside his work and fight for him as he had for me at the start of our relationship -i did this and it failed massively, he was very nice about it but put his foot down and said we were not to be together even though he’s not sure, he said i had interrupted his pub night with his friends and that i should have been with mine. We went for food and he could not look at me or drink alcohol saying if he did he would just succumb to his feelings and tell me how he loved me because he did. He held me while i cried and pleaded and told me i was going to be OK and im strong -he said i will eventually be happy whether that is with or without him. He held my hand and kissed my forehead but would not kiss me properly even though he said he wanted to. He told me to go with other guys as it might make him realise and push him back to me -but also not to do this since he might go the other way. He was not sure on his decision i know this but he was trying to do the best thing for me as i believe he still deeply cares and loves me. He promised to tell me if he got with another girl or fell for someone else. I asked him to promise he would text me the moment he was 100% sure he wanted to be with me -he said no because he knew he would wake up the next morning and want to be with me… he needed to be ‘sure he was sure’ as to not hurt me again and said something silly like he would text me the week he was sure, but not to expect a text within the next two weeks since thats way too soon. He told me he was going to tell his parents it was just a break if they asked, even though ‘on paper we are broken up.’ He told me this would not be the last time we saw each other but he did not know if we would be together in the future although he was sure this was going to be his biggest regret and he will not throw the scrapbook i made him away -he said he will put it in the loft and probably look back and be sad that he lost me, He told me he would try to remember the negatives of our relationship and there was a reason we broke up everytime he missed me to stop himself coming back. He did not reply when i said i loved him until we got to my front door and he told me he loved me and i was so important to him and so special and hopefully soon the promise ring he bought me would go back on my finger. He told me not to throw myself at guys for a rebound because thats not going to help and im worth more, he told me to carry on studying because in 5 years he joked he wont want me if i fail my degree and he told me my values are so amazing and not to change for anyone and that even if i do kiss a guy, doesnt mean he wont get back with me in the future and so to do what i want. He deleted me on snap chat because he didnt want to be hurt seeing me out clubbing. He also deleted my best friend who i club with. I did not text him and he has not text me -i have been in NC for 11 days but im not sure if he realises this because after all, the ball was in his court and he said he would text me when he was sure/if he was sure he wanted to be with me. Will the NC have the same effect?? . He left me in all his social media profile pictures even though he was not in any of mine, he liked two photos about messing up with the perfect girl and hoping to have someone in your life forever on instagram during these 11 days. On the weekend i went out and posted about it on facebook -that night he removed me from his profile pictures on instagram and whats app but left the facebook one as me and him -the one in which his family will all see – his family still interact with me on facebook like normal and his brother even added me on facebook during the 11 days of NC we have had so far leading me to believe he has not told them! So yea 11 days in and im finding it ridiculously hard and he has not contacted me -he is known for being stubborn but in this case he is not stubborn and adopting a ‘she needs to text first’ attitude since he knows the reason im not texting him and knows he has the ball in is court -although on social media i have appeared fine and like i am happy over these 11 days. Two days into no contact he text my best friend and told her not to tell me but to make sure i had gotten back to university safely. Will the NC still work in this situation since he knows the reason i am not texting him and i know the reason he has not text me? He has always said not talking to me and ignoring me is the hardest things he has had to endure during arguments in our past throughout our relationship and he said he will definitely not text in two weeks and it has not been two weeks yet so i should not be expecting a reply anyway. I am so proud of myself for doing 11 days no contact as it has been so hard -but is it going to work if he knows the reason im not messaging him?? Or will this be eradicated by the fact i seem fine on social media. Also he has always been insistent that if i need him as a friend to text him straight away. Everyone is shocked by this since it is all so out of character for him, my friends and family have all said they would have bet their house on it this would never have happened. Apologies for long message.
A lot to say
October 18, 2016 at 3:34 pm
just to add that our two year anniversary is next week during the 30 days NC
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 2:00 pm
Hi A lot to say,
You did have a lot to say! But that’s ok! You need to extend it to 45 days, it would be better that way so, that even if he knows you’re doing nc, there’s still an element of surprise because he probably doesn’t expect you to be in nc for 45 days.. Both of you need to mature and to just take things slow.. You’re taking the relationship thing too seriously.. Just enjoy each other’s company.. Nobody should be higher than the other.. When you’re in a relationship, you still need to have your individual lives and be able to do the things you love without worrying if it will upset the other person.. If you’re not doing anything bad, why would it upset your partner?
Adriana
October 17, 2016 at 4:16 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend of 8.5 months just broke up with me out of the blue. One day it was “promise you’ll never stop loving me ok” and the next day he said “I just can’t do this”. He had just recently gone through basic training for the US Navy and says that he feels differently about everything that he is lost in his own life and that I don’t deserve to be with someone like that. I deserve to be with someone better. Now, he reached out to talk to me as friends but he was so negative all the time “I don’t know why you are with me” and called himself some mean names. He started being really mean to me so I told him that I don’t deserve to be treated this way and talk to me in a few weeks. He said ok. But the two of us are so in love, we had plans on getting engaged next year and married the next. I just don’t know what to do to save everything we have. When I know that he’s the one, and he’s just so confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 5:42 pm
Hi Adriana,
that’s good that you’re giving him space.. I think it can help him think and sort things out.. Treat this as a no contact period and then start improving yourself too
Cyrus Swart
October 11, 2016 at 11:27 pm
Hello,
So me and my boyfriend were in a relationship for about a month, we had feelings for each other during that time, it was really great. We would text non-stop, joke around, and even met up to make cookies at his apartment.
3 Days ago though, he told me that we should just be friends, and that he felt that there was this spark missing.
I messaged him the same day saying that I understand why he wanted to break up.
The next day I messaged him if he wanted to meet up in a couple of weeks, which not only has he responded to, it says that he hasn’t read it yet either (Which he probably is avoiding it for emotional reasons). Since then I have started No Contact, but I’m concerned that he is completely over me.
Is there any chance for us? Since our relationship was only 1 month, how long of No Contact should I do? And if he messages me during those No Contact days, how should I respond to him?
Thank You!
Cyrus Swart
October 12, 2016 at 12:45 am
We are both 18 right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 9:50 am
ok, be very active in improving yourself in this three weeks.. Even if you only have three weeks, make the most of it and continue the activities you started in it, even after no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 11:52 pm
Hi Cyrus,
do at least 21 days, and don’t answer if he messages you.. how old are you both?
Rachel Braithwate
October 11, 2016 at 4:27 pm
Hi my boyfriend of 2 years just got back from basic training in the army we have been close since age 6, I was his first crush ,he recently broke up with me,After being back for a month from bootcamp.We are an hour long distance now and only saw each other like 12 times. He was so emotional when he broke up with me,he originaly had to do it over the phone. I think he is just confused and needs time(he dropped out of school,pushing away friends and family, and me!) ,then we can rebuild our relationship. After a week he texted me something random is that him trying to reach out? I responded once and didn’t respond after that .Do you think Im going the right thing by waiting even though he claimed there is no hope and is “no contact” going to help this?
Rachel Braithwate
October 11, 2016 at 4:29 pm
Also he has left up me as his profile picture and our realtionship on facebook to this day ,this isnt a big deal to most but I think it means he cant move on
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 5:44 pm
Hi Rachel,
there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but yes, it can help increase your chances.. if he’s undecided, then do no contact.. let him have his space and miss you
J
October 6, 2016 at 6:37 pm
My ex broke up with me 7 days ago, We were together almost 2 years, and we had a pretty good relationship, but I struggle with past drinking issues. Ive toned them down but im sure I have more work to do. He was never pleased with this and would ask me numerously to control or stop drinking. When I would have a drinking fail moment hed be done with me. We were on and off 4 times in the 2 years, focusing on not following what hes asked, which was to control the drinking or stop. Rather than focus on the good moments they were always over shinned by my negative, and to his advantage hed use them as a source of reminding me how crazy I was, not to forget my insecurities that would appear. Only to make me feel down. When were not dealing with this issue we are great together, and its obvious how much we enjoyed each others company. But he felt enough was enough so we ended things. On the first day we had a conversation which mainly involved how good he was to me and how much ive took him for granted. Followed by he only asked one thing from me and I never did that. Not to mention I seen his online dating profile the day of the breakup, so I asked him and he said it was old and it was being deleted. Today being the 7th day he text asking for keys back, we agreed to swap them out with no contact. Before returning he continued to text about how Good he was to me and this is all my fault, and he had any part in the ending. I understand his anger, and ive genuinely apologized the for wrong I have caused and I am still in the process of focusing on changing my habits for the better. I havent contacted him after the texts from today. Does it seem like theres any hope left for this relationship? Does it seem to toxic? Do you think he has intentions of moving on? Im holding it together…but its pretty hard.
J
October 6, 2016 at 6:48 pm
I wanted to add, During an outing with some of our friends we had some drinks and were walking around talking, thinking nothing of it, I happend to grab the arm of our male friend as I was talking, he completely took it as a disrespectful gesture and claimed it to be intimate. He stated hes lost lots of respect for me based on this…and according to him its not jealousy hes showing. Plus with the online profile I explained how hard it was for me to see him attempting with other woman..which his reply was “now you know how i feel” Overall im just really confused with everything going on with this situation…and any advice would be appreciated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 2:28 pm
Hi J,
even if it was only one negative, if it’s a non-negotiable standard for him, then you have to either change or move on
Jamie j
September 24, 2016 at 4:38 am
My ex and i were together for 6 yrs. Recently 1 month ago i found out he cheated on me for 2 months with one of my friends and his best friends soon to be ex wife.
Now he and the current wife are official. I know for a fact both famikys and friend dont support the relationship and both live at home with there parents. So they meet in empty parking lots.
She… the new gf.. also has cheated in her past relationships.
Im in week 2 of NC
Im currently went to therapy this week and some how he remembered and texted asking how therapy went…. i did not answer.
Now 4 days later he texted asking about the warranty for the couch we bought together. Also saying that i can contact his mom with the information about the warranty if i dont want to contact him. I did not answer then 1 day later he texted again about it and called me.
Last time i saw him. He told me i need to let him go. I need to try to move on. An we cant talk anymore. He want to give this other girl a shot…. so why his he texting me asking stupied stuff.
I have not responded. I dont know if i shoukd contact his mom about the warranty or not?…
But i also have a fb business page.and its obviously public and cant block anyone. An he looks at is 5 to 10+ times daily.
Im wondering whats going on in his head….
Do u think i have a chance of getting him back?
He also has his new gf blocked on all social medias to and has not made it public.
What shoukd i do…. continue no contact?
Jamie j
September 26, 2016 at 4:49 am
No i think he said that about the naked pictures to get me to respond.
Cause ive never taken naked pictures. And when i responded the pictures magically disappeared.
The warranty…. its a 5 yr warranty. So he has 3 years left. So pleanty of time to do whatever repairs he needs. But dont understand why he waited 3 weeks to ask.
I just seems to me he makes stuff up to text me.
I have been super active. Working out, learning new hobbys like wake surfing, i got 2 new jobs and saving to move to my own place in a few months.
Also tons of girls night. An a few dates with guys
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 12:12 pm
Yeah, looks like he just used it to check up on you.
Jamie j
September 24, 2016 at 4:57 am
I also forgot to mention that before i started the NC that we did have sexual relations. Then i started NC lasted 2 weeks. Then he texted me about this truck. I didnt answer. Then he texted me again 5 days later saying he had naked pix of me…. an obviously i respond then and broke the NC. Then we chatted. 1 month after then break up . That when i found out they were official.
Then he wanted his mail. So i met up with him and then he cheated on his current gf with me twice.
I feel like he misses me. But not sure if he wants me back.
He is remorseful about what he did cause he keeps apologize for it.
But he says he doesn’t want to be single.
I think he just chose the easy route out.
Im just so confused on what to do.
I really want to finish the 30 day no contact
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 6:36 pm
Hi Jamie J,
is he black mailing you with the pics? If he’s continuing to do that, you need to confront him that he has to stop it because it’s illegal. Yes, he is missing you but that doesn’t mean he wants to get back with you so, don’t break nc and be active in improving yourself. Don’t sleep with him again until you’re not really back together. And about warranty, do you really need to talk about that? If yes, then it’s ok to talk to his mom about it.
Megan
September 23, 2016 at 1:33 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend, last week and I haven’t contacted him once since then, I was going to write a letter cause he was never too great at texting but the site says that was desperate and creepy but I don’t know what to do.. I should probably start from the beginning..
I met him at work last summer, Mid June and we were flirting till the start of October and that’s when we made things official. After this we were both let go after Christmas and he was struggling so over the course of our 11 month thing I have lent him just over €3,000.. Obviously I did this gradually and because I loved him and wanted to help him wherever I could. Things didn’t start to seem wrong until the end of July this summer, when he started missing my texts and calls (which his friends said he actually does to them aswell and to not take it personally, but how could I not) and getting mad at me for calling on certain days when he had already told me to ring back on a different day previously. I began to think back to the times he said he was emotionally unavailable because he was adopted as a child and that he doesn’t like commitment. He invited me to his house one day in August and we just sat and talked and laughed as normal so I thought we were fine but it was after that he got angry about calls on days etc. So I tried to meet with him several times to find out what was going on and he wouldn’t meet me, eventually he relented and I asked him what was wrong and he said he didn’t know and his heart wasn’t in it anymore I said that nothing had changed so maybe we should end it and he said he thought something in him had changed and maybe that yes, we should end it.. I asked him if it was something about me or something I’d done and he said no and he doesn’t know what was wrong.. After that he said he’d be in touch and I thought it would be to check if I was OK or something but no he said he’d contact me about the money. I was obviously hurt by this and told him so but he didn’t like that people could hear us arguing so he proceeded to ask if I cared that they could hear us and I said that I didn’t and then he said the most hurtful thing of all, that he used to care but in that moment he’d forgotten about it.. We then just walked angrily away from eachother, both crying, and now all I want is him back because neither of us had a proper reason to break up. I don’t know if he’s scared so he pushed me away or something, I honestly don’t know, so now I’m here asking for your opinion of what just happened and how to fix it
Megan
September 24, 2016 at 11:15 pm
Yes he’s going to pay back slowly and he had no stress that I could see or that he told me about but he was very closed off and I wasn’t any different to how I usually am except maybe I called him more to check on him cause I was worried. I would like to complete no contact if you think it would help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 11:10 am
It’s not a guarantee that no contact would work but I don’t think it would help to keep checking in on him right? It was natural that you did that before because of course you are worried. So, yes, right now I think it’s better to do no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 11:08 am
Hi Megan,
he meant he would stay in touch to pay you slowly right? So things started to go down this July.. what was happening in his life since then? work stress? Were you too demanding? But rght now.. do you want to do a proper no contact? That means focusing in improving yourself.
CK
September 21, 2016 at 5:12 am
Hi Amor..
My ex boyfriend who is an introvert and i have been dating for 2months and we just broke up few days ago.. He said he has no feeling anymore to continue this relationship and that love does not matter to him.. He said i have nothing to do with him having no feeling anymore and that it is his own problem.. But i still feel like because of me getting so needy that i push him away indirectly..
Will i have a chance to get him back with NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 22, 2016 at 10:10 pm
HI Ck,
It was just days ago, so, yes, you still have a chance.. I think you should do either 21 or 30 days and be proactive in improving yourself.. how old are you both and are you in long distance relationship?
Claire
September 20, 2016 at 6:48 am
Hi, I have been seeing someone for over a year. I went away for three months during that time and when I came back we both expecting things to escalate quickly. But things didn’t go as planned. I guess the first reunion nerves got in the way and confusion came, with both sides feeling it didn’t go well and miscommunication of feelings. Since then, we still continued to text everyday as we had always done. We would see each other maybe once or twice a month.. Rarely would be more than that due to living an hour apart and busy lives. When we’d see each other things would be great. But when i would leave, I guess I would put pressure on things to move forward by asking where a stood etc.. I began to leave saying the things that I had wanted to say to him in person, about how i found things hard. I didn’t say them when I would see him as I wanted to make sure we enjoyed the time we had together.. More recently we have had little bickers.. Nothing major, nothing nasty said, but dissagreements. But this has become too much for him now. He has said that he feels like we are going backwards not forwards. He just can’t see things getting back to how amazing things once were. He said he knows he might be making a big mistake, I’m the nicest anyone has ever been to him, but he feels ending things is the right thing to do. So I know this comes under a general reason for things ending…but when things haven’t gotten nasty, there has been no arguement about it, we have just both heard each other out…..when he hasn’t said it under a heat of the moment and things have ended so civil, does this mean this is really what he wants and there is no coming back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 6:21 pm
Hi Claire,
it does sound like it is what he really but that doesnt really mean there’s no turning back..
Cree
September 13, 2016 at 2:57 pm
So about a month ago me and my boyfriend had a chat and he told me that he felt like things had got really boring, we lost the spark, he didn’t have the urge to see me and never missed me. We have been together for 3 years and he’s my best friend and he says I am his, in our relationship we have never had a single problem, not a single argument (we do bicker) no cheating, everything has been perfect for so long. He said that he had been feeling that way for about 2 months but during that time we had gone away on 2 holidays and he said that he never felt that way on either of the holidays. We decided to go on a break for 2 weeks after the chat and he said he only missed talking to me everyday during that time not missing me, we then decided to cut down on seeing eachother as much and go on amazing dates once a week and although he said that he was having the best time he still felt weird about everything. So last week we decided to just break up and see how that goes as he said he feels like he isn’t in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship at the moment, his parents are going through a split and he is losing a job that he loves. Do you think I have any chance of getting back together with him because we are both still so in love with eachother I just feel like because he is so laid back he might not care enough. Please help me x
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 5:38 pm
Hi Cree,
Hmm.. for me, if it got boring, then you need a breather from each other. I think you need to read this one: EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
The Ungettable Girl
Steph
September 4, 2016 at 1:28 pm
My boyfriend and I had been dating for a while. He told me that he was happy when he was around me, that the relationship was great, and that I was the first person that he ever told he loved and meant it. We never had fights, just small disagreements sometimes. Friends would tell us that they’ve never seen either of us so happy before.
We broke up Sunday, and we both were bawls our eyes out. He said his heart wasn’t in it anymore, and he didn’t know why he felt like that. He didn’t have answers for anything and would get upset if I thought it was something I did. He told me he never wanted me to feel like it was my fault. He said it wasn’t me, or is, that it was him and he didn’t know why. I told him that I wished it would have worked, and that I really thought that this relationship was the one. He said he thought it was too and that he wished it would have worked.
I’ve been in relationships before where my heart wasn’t in it, and the break up was the easiest thing I did. Not a tear shed.
He told me two days later that he cares about me, and that maybe he needed some time. We had been texting 3 and 4 days after the break up.
I feel like he was scared of the future and began to panick. We both graduate college this year, and he will be commissioning as an AirForce officer, along with training for a year. I think he was scared of what would happen down the road and didn’t communicate those feelings to me or know how to process it. I just feel like it’d be a waste if we didn’t try again because of how happy we were together. Everyone thinks we could make it work. It’s up to him though.
We talked a few days ago, and he told me that he’s happy around me, and that he still cares about me. He said he’d was just going to need some time to think about things, when the day before he told his roommate that he had made up his mind. I asked why he kept texting me, and he told me that he wanted to see how I was doing and that he was used to talking to me. I asked him before I left if he thought things could work, and he said yes, but he needs time. I told him that if we were going to make it work again, that he was going to have to communicate the things that he was afraid of and nervous about in the future.
I’m not going to talk to him until he’s ready to, and work on myself. Right now he hasn’t had a reason to miss me because he’s been texting me.
His friends have said that they have never seen him as happy as he was when he was with me, and that he changed as a person. No one thinks that we should have broken up, and that he was going through normal emotions and phases in a relationship. I would’t be this hopeful if I didn’t think things could work.
Steph
September 5, 2016 at 4:24 pm
Amor,
The only thing I can do right now is give him his time, and for me to work on myself. I’m not really sure what to do though. I’m scared of what’s going to happen too. I know we could make this work, but I’m worried he won’t change his mind or even consider it. I know relationships go through these phases. I just think he didn’t know what else to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 2:39 pm
Have faith and let time do it’s thing. If you keep improving yourself, he’ll probably miss you more and he will get to thinking.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Hi Steph,
I think you’re right and it looks like you know what to do Steph.. What’s your plan in mind?
somita
September 4, 2016 at 1:23 pm
hello.i have a bf,after this summer we are in 5 years that we know eachother-we like togather and never fight.i help him alot to reach his dreams.he behaviour me very good and never insult me and respect me in any way.he alwayes say me he doesnot want to get marry,he says u r best girl and u donot have any problem as a woman but i dont want to marry.u know we dont have any differnt idea in evry thing in family in education or in wealth..nothing.we work togather and we could collect money.he even fived me his creadit card bcz i could collect his sallary.he used to talk me about his problem and his familly and how his familly hurt him.but i dont know why he doesnot care me enough and doesnot want to marry me.i really love him because i tested other men but he is best he has rather everything not alot of money not phd graduated but evrything he has it is enough for me..we are good partner in work behaviour entertament…pleas help me how should i do
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 3:00 pm
Hi Somita,
so, you’re not actually broken up right? You just want him to propose to you or want to marry you someday?
How long have you been together? Are you too available for him?
And you need to read this article:
HOW TO MAKE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND COMMIT
Andrea
August 31, 2016 at 8:19 pm
Hi,
My ex boyfriend and I were in a relationship for 4 years. He even proposed last year! Well, it seems in the last 4 or 5 months, we have been having a lot of arguing issues. This is personal, but my ex is in debt horribly. His family and I thought this could be the problem. So, two weeks ago… We got into an argument over the smallest thing. We exchanged words that we probably shouldn’t have, so I left. I went home and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the night. Later that night, I ended up texting him and asked him what was going on. His reply was similar to “you’re tired of it, and so am I. I can’t handle the extra stress anymore.” And it went from there… Sadly, he did end up breaking up with me. About the third day in, I texted him and asked if this was really the end, he asked me to “please quit” I explained to him how I was feeling and he said “just forget about it, it’s not easy for me either trust me but stop.” So I did not reply. I have not talked to him since then and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I am constantly on EBR looking up advice… But am also starting to wonder, is he moving on and should I just give up? This has happened a couple of times before… Once we were broke up for three months before he contacted me. I am afraid that since its been done before, is this going to be the stop? His mother randomly texted me last night and said that she talked to him and all he said was that he didn’t want us to be going through this either but he “doesn’t know”. What is going on? What advice do you have for our future together? I still have hope, many other people believe we will be back together but I’m so terrified that he’s done. I will continue no contact. I’m just so confused by the situation, and praying that something will reunite us back together. I am already realizing my faults, and things I would change if we got back together. But, if that time comes…. There was no cheating or anything like that. Just small arguements frequently. Is there any hope that he will try to contact me… I will not try to contact him even after no contact because I don’t want to be turned down. Broken heart.
Andrea
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 12:30 pm
Hi Andrea,
if he has a big problem, the least he would want to think about right now is handling small problems, like arguments.. If he’s looking at you like a responsibility that he needs to tend to while tending to another responsibility, then he would really get tired. Let him be for now.. Let him sort out his problems while you rebuild having your own life..
JB
August 30, 2016 at 10:26 am
Hi,
I’m wondering if do I still have any chance and if No Contact Rule make sense here. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, a week before our third anniversary. We’re both 21 years old. We were fighting a lot. Recently almost every our bigger fight ended up like this: he had enough and he want to end this but everytime on the next day he gave us another chance. But because of these fights he was seriously thinking and talking about breaking up with me. He cared less everyday.
3 weeks ago we were spending a weekend together I tried to be nice but he was mad at me because of the fight we had a couple days earlier. Finally we argued pretty bad on saturday evening he said a lot of bad things and on the next day in the morning I went back to my home without talking. We didn’t speak for the rest of the day (usually we were texting all the time). I wanted him to cool down. Rest of the week we were texting I tried to apologize and act nicley but he was cold and distant.
When we meet next weekend he broke up with me he said this is well thought decision, that he gave me so many chances that I wasted ( I complained too much, I was needy, caused a lot of fights) and he doesn’t want to be with me any more. I was begging for another chance, I promised to change but he said he doesn’t want to be with me even if I would really change, no matter what, that it is too late and there was so many bad things in me he couldn’t be happy with me because he will always remember them.
I asked if he still has any feelings for me and he said ”I think I don’t”. He said he doesn’t feel neither happy nor sad about breaking up with me, that he already accepted the fact it is going to end. I asked if I could still be in contact with him, meet each other some time and he agreed saying ” yeah meybe, if I’ll have time”. We were texting during the 2 weeks after break up. He didn’t ask any questions only I keept the conversation going. I did ask him to get back several times everytime he said he doesn’t want to continue this anymore. He even said that would be the best if I found myself someone new.
We met after 2 weeks to exchange items he didn’t want to spend too much time with me he said he has other plans but we spent almost 2 hours he was emotionless, takling about neutral topics. I asked if he misses me or anything about our relationship and he said that he has better things to do than thinking about it.
I did a lot of mistakes after break up I contacted him I asked for a chance and do everything I shouldn’t. I didn’t know about NC rule I started it 3 days ago but I don’t know if it will work if we were talking for 2 weeks and he seems like he just want to move on and this break up wasn’t a rash decision. I’m afraid he’s glad he doesn’t have to respond me anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 12:53 pm
HI Jb,
that means if you kept contacting him, he would be annoyed right? So, it means even if you don’t do nc, it won’t help either.. Improve yourself during nc and just focus in that.. if he lost attraction with you, the last thing you want to do is chase.
Benedict Ang
August 24, 2016 at 3:50 am
Hey , ive been looking at your website and i have to ask a question if that’s fine.
I have just broke up with my partner like 3 days ago , although we have just been dating for one month , she decided it was best that we should break up because she was going to overseas for internship and relationship isnt really her priority now. She also did mentioned that because she was leaving it was too fast for her to be together because we only dated for a month and she said i dont know her well enough and she dont know me well enough yet. She also did mentioned that she liked me and she still does like me now. Just that its not the right timing. In my heart i really believed that she was really the one i really want and i dont want to lose her now. Do you still think i have a chance with her ? Even if it means starting out as friends again. Do you think theres a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 9:27 am
Hi Benedict,
try to start out as friends when she’s alrady there
Ana
July 20, 2016 at 10:45 am
Hi Amor, what are the chances like to get back with an ex after he broke up with me for a second time? We’ve been together for about 4 years in total and he broke up with me once last year and he initiated contact after about a month and we started talking and eventually got back together but unfortunately he broke up with me again just recently this year. Is there still a chance as he did say that he knows this will happen again even if we got back together again.
Ana
July 22, 2016 at 1:39 am
Both was kinda similar and general reasons like it’s not you it’s me, you deserve better and I don’t feel the same way anymore etc.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 6:14 pm
so, it looks like he lost desire.. og that is it.. yes, there’s still a chance
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 4:09 pm
Hi Ana,
it depends..why did you break up?
ADS
July 14, 2016 at 2:08 am
Hi,
So my boyfriend and I were together for 4 and a half years. The last year we started I guess falling out of love? We never really went anywhere, we never really had sex, I didn’t really have friends so he was pretty much my only and best friend, and I have some social anxiety so it was really hard for me to see his friends/family for the last 2 years and I know it hurt him a lot. He said he wants to work on himself because he feels like he doesn’t know where he’s going or what he wants in life and just wants to be able to focus on himself. He’s lived with me the past 2 years because his dads house was really dirty and feels like he doesn’t really have a space of his own either. He also said he wants me to focus on myself and my friendships, and for me to be happier but we both can’t do that if we’re in a relationship. I really wanted to work it out but he said it wouldn’t be worth it. That night we went to the beach, came home and cuddled and cried and stayed up until around 3am and agreed we’d be friends because we still really want each other in our lives and made plans to see each other this weekend. The last two nights we’re really hard for me and I cried whenever I talked to him, and then we decided this week we should probably not talk until the weekend. So I didn’t talk to him for one night and he called me today and told me he was proud of me and we talked a little. He asked how I was and I said alright, he said he was fine (he’s been staying at his friends house since we broke up so he’s been getting through it a little easier) and said we’d see each other this weekend. The night we broke up we also planned to see a band at the end of July once he gets back from hawaii (I got the tickets for his bday) he said it was a special band for us and we should see them together. I love him so much and just miss him because our relationship wasn’t horrible. We didn’t have horrible frequent fights, and we we’re always laughing when we were together. My hope is that once we are both in a better place we’ll find each other again but he told me he probably wouldn’t want to be in a relationship for a long time (I didn’t tell him I hope that we end up together in the future, he just told me this when breaking up).
Is there any hope for us in the future? I love him and miss him so much and just want us to work in the end.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2016 at 7:11 pm
hi ads,
why can’t you culture your other friendships when yiu’re still with him? don’t close off your world to just one person.. because you will become needy..
you’ll want all of his time and attention because he’s the only person you can connect with and it becomes less of a healthy relationship but just something you need to stay into because you’ve got nothing left..
it’s not real love when it’s like that..
time to go out and expand your world and have a new routine.. have your own life..you would feel much better once you do.. do that first before trying to rebuild rapport with him.. you must reconnect with old friends and meet new people
Mich
July 10, 2016 at 8:25 pm
My boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 months and he had introduced me to close friends etc. He wanted to see me nearly every day and whenever he couldn’t see me, he’d give me a call to chat. Suddenly, he breaks up with me, saying he doesn’t feel like he’s ready for a relationship and that he doesn’t feel he would be able to balance his work and me well enough to be a good enough boyfriend to me. I was gutted to say the least, as everything was going great and he made me super happy.
The breakup happened 5 days ago and he asked me if we could remain friends, to which I told him politely that I don’t know if I would be comfortable with that. 3 days ago, I called him and encouraged him to reconsider, without begging, as I believed he is making a hasty decision he will regret. I told him that I could sense he was really into me, and this seemed out of character for him as he usually likes to work on things and see things through to the end – but instead he gave up so easily without trying to make it work with me.
He told me he would take time him to think this over and asked me to give him a week as he needed space. I agreed to this and have not spoke to him since. I’m managing to resist the urge to contact him pretty well, and a friend of his contacted me and told me that he regrets the decision but isn’t sure if starting over would be wise considering he’s trying to get a day job while also maintain his freelance work wherever he can get it. He hasn’t unfriended me on Facebook and he still has my number.
Do you think that if I continue to give him this week to reconsider, will I have a chance at getting him back, or is his mind made up? And should I contact him after the week is up or leave the ball in his court for him to make first contact?
I know he was super into me, he was referring to me as his girlfriend, telling me how lucky he was to have me, and it was all so genuine. I know for a fact it was no act.
Kevyn
July 19, 2016 at 12:40 am
I don’t mean to intrude on your thread, but I just wanted to say that our situations are practically identical in every aspect. I wish you the best of luck.
Mich
July 11, 2016 at 4:54 pm
Hi Amor,
He contacted me today, telling me that he doesn’t wanna leave me hanging. Told me I’m a great girl and he had so much fun during the relationship but still doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I asked him if he feels that whenever he gets a job again, will he wanna try again, and he said no.
Should I just give up and move on? I really liked this guy..
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 1:20 pm
do active nc first and then decide after that what you want
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 10, 2016 at 9:17 pm
Hi Mich,
if that’s for a fact, he’ll say abd show it..or at least break up with you personally and not ask his friend about it..