Do You Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

699 thoughts on “Do You Even Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Let’s Find Out!”

Taylor

October 29, 2015 at 7:58 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. We were dating for two years (From my Sophomore year of high school up until the summer after our senior year). We knew each other every since middle school. We were sort of friends at first then we started to talk more in high school. When we were dating, we would argue and it was mostly my fault. It would be over really silly things. He would always say don’t let the bad out weigh the good. I feel as though that’s what he let happen. When we broke up, he said he’d always be there for me. At first he was still going to write me (He’s in Navy boot camp). Later he started to change his mind, he would stop saying he loved and missed me. He says he doesn’t love me the same anymore and doesn’t know whether we’re worth a second chance yet. In the relationship I also had issues with my self confidence, he helped me with it but he still feels as though I put myself down. He also said that he feels like I didn’t show my appreciation. I did show it but I had different ways of showing it. I still feel like my heart is longing for him even though he’s far away and not writing me. I still have so much love for him, no matter how hard I try to stop thinking about him, it just gets hard some days. He also wants me to move on but it just doesn’t feel right. I feel like he’s worth fighting for. What do you think?
AK

October 27, 2015 at 10:26 pm

My boyfriend of a little bit over a year split up about a week ago. Deep down we both knew something was not right anymore and have been battling it for a few months. Here during the break up stage, I felt like it was because we moved in together 3 months into our relationship at the height of honeymoon, did everything together, and fizzled out. I moved in with his family and hung out with his friends out there, and was a little bit removed from all of mine. I felt I got clingy because he was my daily life, he started to feel like I needed him too much. I wanted to still be “dating,” but he stopped planning dates. Sexual chemistry went away. Life got too domesticated for my liking at such an early stage of our relationship. I knew I needed to move out, brought it up, but just stayed because I could not keep my boundaries. He then got a puppy, and she stressed me out because more attention was removed from me and added more to our domestic life. It was like having a baby! I felt like he was no longer giving me support and celebrating with me (the ultimate one being me chasing my dreams that begins out of state). Maybe my career aspirations added underlying tension and a finality to our relationship… but he never said so. Finally we had one last row, maybe about our 5th one, but about the same issues. Me: I want more. Him: I am doing everything I can, but I am stressed. So he says, “I don’t think this is working out… I have made up my mind.” So we ended it…. It turned out to be a sweet, almost romantic goodbye and we parted ways hand in hand, with a kiss that gave us feelings we thought we lost, and told each other we love each other. A week went on with more-than-friends texting, and even two invites from him to hangout. One of these invites was for us to “hang out” after I finished moving my stuff out of his family’s house. I caved even though I wanted our romantic goodbye to be the last memory I have for a little bit of time. It was a terrible idea to see him… I reopened the close and I could tell I pushed him and showed the one behavior that he did not like – neediness. So I stopped talking to him after admitting embarrassment but hopes to “be friends.” I allowed myself to go through the motions… three days of sheer sadness, confusion, and loss of motivation…. however, I also stacked up my schedule to see a lot of friends and began reconnecting with my mother. Last night, I was out reuniting with an old high school friend, and he texted me. I ignored it. In a few days, I will be going on a three week vacation, which will be during his birthday. Next.. the holidays will come around. It is going to be tough to not want to give well wishes. Through your advice, I am going to implement NC, which will be easier because I will be out of the country. Here, however, is where I am stuck……. we decided ultimately that we needed to split because we need time to ourselves. “Maybe one day we could fall in love again…” but I know the time is not right now. I want to move out of the state to pursue career goals, but deep down I want to do it freely without a relationship. But I cannot help but think that he and I have a future together……… I am starting to rethink everything we did to not nurture a long term relationship. We fell in love hard, fast, but with sincerity and respect. We just went with the flow without true long term commitment, even though we lived together. Breakup feelings are fresh, but now I am honestly excited to work on me. I have not been single for more than a month in… forever. I need to find myself and bring out the beauty that I know and have seen inside, before I got wrapped up in him and lost my identity. In reading this article (along with many others), I think you are going to tell me I have a good chance. But I don’t want that chance until maybe a year from now (also read the article about that). I would be heartbroken if by then he finds someone and marries her. Because the breakup is so fresh, I cannot tell if I am the one and he is my one, or perhaps we really are “not right for each other” in the end. He told me, “I just know how you are, and I know how I am. I guess we learned who we really are after the honeymoon phase.” But that is not who I want to be…….. I want to work on me and bring that vibrant, beautiful, sweet, and fun girl that he fell in love with….. That I know I am once I regain confidence again.

I am in step one: NC and I know it’s working. I know he has a lot of loving feelings for me and is missing me… As for me, getting that one text from him helped me pull out of my slump, probably because I know he is thinking about me!

We use to imagine we could marry one another, but after the honeymoon phase, doubts arose. But now that I can evaluate our relationship, a part of me is starting to believe that he can be the man I marry.

Chris, think we have a chance? Should I just let go to fully work on me? He told me that we can’t do a “break” because we need to fully let go without hopes in order to get better.. Or should I keep in mind that I am planning to win him back…?
Help!

October 26, 2015 at 1:12 pm

me and my boyfriend lives together for a few months (we’ve been together for almost 2 years and Ben broken up for 2months , first month I chased him and him I’m in NC.) we had a really bad fight that made him realize I will “never change” and I’m “always mad and arguing”. Not gonna lie it’s true. Anyways when we broke up I moved across the country back with my family. He blocked all of us on social media and he will not answer my texts (Been in NC for 9 days and it’s getting difficult) my question is does this now distance cause more of a problem? I love him more then anything in the world and he knows it but he doesn’t feel like it will work anymore because I never seem to change(I already have and people have been complimenting me on my new positive attitude) Thanks !
Ms. Joy

October 13, 2015 at 3:28 pm

Hi chris, so here it goes..

My boyfriend and i broke up 2 weeks ago because he cheated on me.. And then he starts posting pics of a new girl he’s interested in. But he keeps on messaging me and texting mo on how much he misses me. I tried applying the NC rule but he keeps on bugging me and calling me up to see me.. Yet i dont see and remorse from him. He still flirts online and keeps posting pictures of him with girls. There was this one day he showed up on my place and asked me to talk to him. I gave him a chance and he kept asking things like am i dating someone new? Are there guys courting me right now? And if i miss him too. Then suddenly he begs me to have sex with him. at first i was hesitant and i kept fighting back that i dont want to do anything wih him because we broke up. But then it happened. We had sex and he kept telling me he still loves me. But deep down i know he was just saying it to get what he wants. After what happened i thought to myself i hve no more hope in him valuing me. I havent initiated contact with him since then. Will i still have a chance? After what happened. Pls reply

Anne-Marie

November 8, 2015 at 1:23 pm

I’m sorry. I know you’re hurting and all, and that you don’t want to ear this but… You really want him back? From what I get, he’s a cheater, only looking after sex, manipulating and taking advantage of you. Why would you want a guy like that in your life? I feel you, you don’t want to see it but unfortunately… He didn’t and still don’t care about you or those other girls. He only cares about himself.
So cry, scream, feel mad for being taken advantage of, but please… Move on. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to and you most certainly don’t want to ear it but I couldn’t stand there and say nothing. Take care of yourself and be strong but you deserve soooooooo much better. He doesn’t deserve you or any other girl if you ask me.
Courage!
Ms. Joy

October 13, 2015 at 3:30 pm

P.S. He also hasn’t initiated contact with me after what happened. Pls i need a reply. I know ill be back on day 1 but i really beed to do this right

Jen

October 12, 2015 at 9:09 pm

Chris,

So i attempted to do the no contact. I meant to do the full 30 days but apparenlty i did 28 days. I texted him on the 28th day asking to meet in person because we needed to talk. He agreed and we met about 4 days later. We talked for about an hour. In that hour he told me he missed me and that getting back was a possibility, but he needed more time and i agreed. The next day i decided to inform him i was moving on. He responded right away asking why i felt this way and he told me how the meeting made him feel and he told me if that is what i wanted then he wanted me to be happy. He made me a promise that i would not need to wait too long and i decided to give him a chance. What is your take on this?

Emma

November 1, 2015 at 4:49 pm

PS, sorry for all the typos!

Jess

October 12, 2015 at 8:39 pm

So i implemented the no contact rule on my ex (i made it thru 28 days) and then I asked him to meet in person. He agreed and we talked for about an hour. He said he missed me but needed more time, he even mentioned it would be almost a year we have been together. The next day i informed him that I felt he did not feel the same. He responded instantly why i thought that and the sent 2 more texts one of which was very long and he said i could do what made me happy since that is what he wants for me. I asked what he wanted and he said time and he promised me it would not be long. Im torn , should I move on or wait
Katie

October 12, 2015 at 8:54 am

My boyfriend and I were incredibly in love but we broke up when he had to move. He told me that he just didn’t see how a long distance relationship could work, so I begged and pleaded with him and he said that he had considered it but he just couldn’t. He became wushu washy and one day he would want me back, the next day he wouldn’t. He said that he wanted us to be friends and that we could reconsider in time. I begged so much and he told me that all that begging was really pushing him away so I stopped talking to him. It has been two weeks since I last talked to him. The last nice thing he said to me was a few days before I stopped talking to him; he told me he cared about me in the deepest of ways and he wanted to be there for me but he hoped I could respect his situation.
Ms. Rushed Into Things

October 11, 2015 at 6:49 am

Chris I need your help!!!

Met my ex a month and a half ago. After 3 weeks we made it official. I met his family and everything was going great. 2 weeks into our relationship he tells me he thinks we rushed into things and that we should be friends but he still wants us to act the same way we’ve been acting. Well I’ve really grown to like this boy and I’m ok with just being “friends”. I want him back so I started NC immediately after the first time he reached out to me after our break up. It’s been only 3 days in. He hasn’t contacted me or anything. I just want to know if I can shorten NC to 2 weeks since we dated for a short time or should I not even be doing NC?

Thanks in advance (:
Soul Wong

October 11, 2015 at 3:31 am

My boyfriend and I broke up on Sunday ad since then I guess I was very desperate to get him back. This is the 2nd time. The 1st time..I was in Taiwan for an internship for 2 months and I didn’t see him for those 2 months…his parents disapproved of me and didn’t like certain parts of me and forced him to break up/he felt like the relationship wasn’t right he said he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want the relationship. We still kept in contact and he apologized saying all the mean stuff wasn’t true and we made plans to get together and and then take a 1 month time off so he could think. When I met up with him, he realized he loved me and treated me really well, saying he will try with his parents. Last week, his parents and him argued again and he felt overcapacity and stressed and asked for space, but I was so scared that he would leave me so I cried…and he decided to stay, but the next 3 days I tried talking to him about the situation, hoping to alleviate his stress and it didn’t work. I cried a lot and he couldn’t take it anymore…until the point where he wanted to take a break and force it on me….and then he wanted a breakup because I couldn’t take it…now he doesn’t want to see me and says he doesn’t love me anymore, but he still cares for me and thinks I’m important to him…even to the point of saying “you’re a good person. Be strong. Everything will be fine”. The day after the breakup he asked “how are you”. It’s been a week since the breakup..and i’m pretty sure I acted really desperate, crying and stuff to get him back but he just got really annoyed and said his respect for me is lowering. We’ve been together for 2 years with no major arguments aside from this…so I’d really like to get him back…

What are my chances?

Soul Wong

October 19, 2015 at 6:20 pm

He also said he’s okay with being friends….he wants me to move on and find a better guy and not dwell on this..but I just want him back? Is being friends with him something I should consider as well?
Soul Wong

October 19, 2015 at 6:02 pm

I mean. I did break no contact and messaged him a bit, he ended up muting the conversation and getting annoyed each time saying “don’t confuse my kindness for something more than I intend it to be.” and just flat out saying he didn’t love me and taking me to seattle was his futile attempt at trying to love me (which I didn’t catch on at all apparently because we had a great time in Seattle…)

I just don’t know what to do and whether this is possible..I’m restarting NC of course Day 1 (oh gosh), but his words hurt me a lot too…What’s with him? I know family pressure is hard…but to flat out say he didn’t love me, wants me to move on, misses me but is still being true to himself in saying he doesn’t love me? Is it possible to get him back at all or will I just keep getting hurt?
Soul Wong

October 12, 2015 at 12:30 am

I initiated NC yesterday..and he messaged me at night saying “Good night. Are you at home? Nvm. Good night”…

What does it all mean T-T
Chris Seiter

October 13, 2015 at 12:09 am

He had a moment of weakness and then when he didn’t get a response he freaked out and didn’t know what to do.

That’s what that is to me.

ANON

October 5, 2015 at 6:11 am

I’m wondering what chance a new relationship that broke down has.
The situation very short but very intense, we both established their were extremely strong feelings.
In short we have very different lifestyles. He smokes and drinks i don’t. After a few amazing weeks, the drinking became a problem. i don’t think he doesn’t have control over this however going out with the boys is a big part of his life and has been for a long time. my problem is I’m worried all my time will be taken up with lying around hung over in bed all day instead of spending quality time between work. He has seen my reaction as trying to change him and it ended. he said he didn’t see a future in this no matter how he felt. His last reply to me was he didn’t know what he wanted right now, and needed time to think about what he was going to do. I don’t question his feelings… or mine. Although he says he loves me he isn’t willing to give this up. i have not asked him too. i would like to find a way. I think it ended too soon. We don’t know each other enough to work out a way to manage this yet. he was very upset as was I. I have now embarked on NC. I’m unsure of my chances here.
Trish

September 30, 2015 at 3:18 am

Hi Chris!

I’ve been reading your work online and I’d like to thank you for them as they have helped me to think more logically.

I do have a certain situation that I’d like to ask for help from you.

So basically, I was in a long distance relationship with my ex boyfriend since Feb of this year. Last June, I went to the states for a holiday plus my cousin’s wedding. During my stay there, he sent me an e-mail of his plane ticket to come and see me in August. But when I got back from the US, he confessed to me that he was seeing someone while I was on holiday but he booked the ticket after he met her. Twisted. He said it was just friendly dinner dates cause he was lonely but loves me. Eventually, he told me that it may not be a good idea for us to meet anymore as he was still seeing her. I handled it calmly but he eventually started chasing after me shortly after saying that. We agreed on meeting still but I barely replied to his messages before he got here. When he arrived, I spent every single day with him until he left. During his stay, I accidentally saw a message notification on his phone and it was from the girl. Apparently, he was still seeing her and kept messaging her during his stay here. Another twisted part was that he was trying to get back with me while he was still here. I was totally confused as to what he really wanted cause he would still message her. He even cried a good number of times cause he said he screwed up and really wants me back. When he left, i told him I’d give him another shot but he obviously has to end things with the other girl. He said he will when the time is right. He didn’t so I left. A day after, he comes chasing and begging again and said that he had ended things with her and wants to do right by me this time. I, of course, being crazy stupid in love with him took him back. His mom even talked to me asking me to give him another chance. Eventually, i became a paranoid girlfriend and would give him drama everyday and he eventually broke up with me. But! He said he hasn’t fully given up on us cause he knows that we are soulmates and it’s just that the whole distance thing isn’t making it any easier for us to make things work. He said he’ll be back here next year and if we are still single, he wants to give it another shot. We broke up Sept. 10 and by Sept. 13, we stopped talking. We are not facebook friends but some of my posts are visible to the public so he liked a photo of mine last Sept. 24. I went to a rave last Saturday and I’m pretty sure he saw my pictures so he messaged me last Sunday. Of course, I didn’t reply as you said NC should last for 30-66days.

The thing is, I have a feeling that he’s back seeing the same girl. I don’t know if what I’m assuming is right or wrong. I would just like to ask for advice on how I can make him realize how much pain he has caused me and that the sacrifices I made to save our relationship which he ended up screwing over every single time (of course I had my faults too for being overly dramatic but it was with reason why I was being paranoid). I want him back but not as the cheating guy. I want him to chase after me. Do you think this is attainable with my situation?

I do hope to hear from you.
Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Trish

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 5:57 pm

What’s that famous quote from Frank Sinatra?

The best revenge in life is massive success…
Trish

September 30, 2015 at 3:19 pm

Basically asking how do i get my ex boyfriend back after he has left me for the girl he cheated on me for?

Shreya

September 28, 2015 at 7:12 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. It’s been nine months to the breakup. I tried the NC initially. He texted me a few times but I kept my distance. He says he considers me family and wants me to be around anyway but not in a relationship way.
When we meet, he talks normally. He says he’s off relationships as of now. The reasons of the breakup are still unclear to me. All he says is he didn’t want a relationship anymore. He treats me like a friend and claims he’s over me. Do you think there is a chance or has it been too long?
Cale

September 28, 2015 at 11:50 am

Chris,

My question is about what your think my chances are with getting my ex back. So far as I can tell, based on what he told me and my observation of his behavior, the reason he broke up with me is that although he loves me, his religious views and mine are not compatible (in his eyes at least). So although we are very compatible on most other levels the religious aspect is of primary importance to him.

One of the other major things I am concerned with is the fact that he stated that he thought it best to end the relationship cold turkey. While I do believe that he misses me as much as I do him, I am not sure that he will give in enough to actually reply, when I do eventually send him that first reattraction text.

Is my attempt likely to succeed? Is there anything different or extra I might try to increase my success?

I greatly appreciate all the work you have done, and I really hope your advice can also help me.

Cale

Cale

September 28, 2015 at 1:38 pm

Different or extra in this type of situation, since it didn’t really fall under any of your listed situations, except perhaps general break ups, but it was not due to fighting.

Thanks again.

Tenzin DJ

September 27, 2015 at 3:05 pm

Hey,
I have read most of ur post ..
I don’t know what to do, will it work, is it right to do.?
I know u talked about 30days No Contact rule.
Me and my ex boyfriend had a general broken up and after broke up we decided to be friend. He is the one that want to broke up with me and he don’t want to get back with me. After a while I went on a dinner with one of my college guy friend. My ex got very up sad and he said that he was hurt and he still not over me. I told him that I still love him but I don’t want to beg him to come back. We been in and off relationship for like 2years and everytime I would be the one who beg him. I used to sit in front of his house for 5hours begging him to come back to me. Im always the one who beg so this time I don’t want to beg anymore. This time tho, after he found out that I went on a dinner with my guy friend. He said that he is hurt and he don’t want to talk to me anymore, he don’t want to have any contact with me. He block my number and everything including Facebook, and snapchat. After that day I never contact him too. I try to do the 30days No contact rule. Will that work for me? Now it been a week of no contact I am dying to get him back …TT^TT….
will he ever going to contact me after 30days because he block me everywhere.
Elizabeth

September 24, 2015 at 7:40 pm

On our vacation, my boyfriend and I got into an argument over the phone and via texts. He was out for the night and I was left home with his parents (thus the argument). When he got home, he started ruminating over the evening, and punched me in the face, giving me a black eye. He never apologized for it and even denied having hit me at all. Eleven days later, we got into another argument. He lunged at me and pushed me with so much force, that he accidentally caused me to fall down a flight of stairs. I called the police and he was arrested and sent to jail for 3 days. I got a TRO and he had to stay away from our house. When we finally went to court, I dropped the TRO but he wound up having to take a lease on an apartment of his own. We lived together for 3 years and have been together for almost 7. Previously, there had been some pushing incidents, but nothing that I thought constituted Domestic Violence or required police intervention. Now that he has relocated, he feels that I am too dangerous to be with because I may get him into more trouble, and he feels that I went “way too far” by calling the police on him. He does not want me to know his new address, or contacting him. He just recently unblocked me from social media so that I could see him out having a good time with other people, including another girl. He made it a point to let everyone know he was now single, but recently replaced that picture with his old one. He also makes comments on his page about how he’s going to have a good time for his birthday this weekend, something I won’t be going to. I would still like to resume our relationship albeit with professional counseling for both of us, especially while we are not living together. Before he cut me off, I told him this and how much I love him and still believe that this can work out, that we can use this tragic experience to build a better future together. We did a lot of arguing prior to the punch incident and I asked that we go get help from a therapist, but he said he didn’t need it, it is all me. Is there any chance that this CAN work out? I am the first person he has ever lived with, and the first woman he ever thought about having children with. Originally, he rearranged his whole life and career to move in and be with me. He told a mutual friend that he really loved me and cared for me and that we were building a future together. Is there any hope for this relationship?
Abby

September 22, 2015 at 11:07 am

Hi Chris,

First off, I’m really glad I found your site. I’ve read almost every article and at this point I know I need to do the NC rule, I just want to know if you think my ex and I have a chance at getting back together.

Here’s a background of our story: I’m 24 he’s 25, we’ve known each other for 1 year now, and had been dating for 10 months. We broke up a month ago. When we met I had just freshly moved to a new state and knew no one else except for my parents living here as well. It was kind of a love at first sight for me (can’t believe I’m saying that because I always thought that was ridiculous) but if I had to put it into words looking back on it, that’s what it felt like. We instantly clicked. We were both instantly attracted, but more importantly we had a lot in common right off the bat, and our first time together went so smoothly. We started talking a lot, got to know each other pretty well, fast. Hence, why we got in a relationship after only knowing each other 2 months. We both never thought that we moved too fast so that’s not a concern of mine. Our relationship overall was awesome. We loved being around eachother, were almost inseperable, and spent a lot of time together. Since I’m relatively new to the area I haven’t even gotten to know many people on my own since we we’re always together. I met friends through him and had a few other friends, but that’s it. We did do things separately though. I would occasionally hang out with my friends, and vice versa. We didn’t NEED to see each other everyday but it just kind of happened that way. I’m not saying our relationship was perfect though. We did fight, but ultimately that’s probably because we spent too much time together so fights were bound to happen here and there.

Some areas that led to the breakup: On my part, there were definitely things I needed to work on. I had moved to a new state to be closer to family, and it was the perfect time since I was switching my major so I thought what better time to transfer. At this point I was a little hesitant and confused on what I ultimately wanted to major in and do for a living anymore. Right from the start I had made that known to him, and he accepted it. He’s already graduated and has been working in his career for over a year. This combination of moving to a place I know no one, and confusion in school actually got to me in a way I did not expect. Towards the end of our relationship I kind of was in a depressed state. My ex even stated when he broke up with me one of the reasons is I started to lack ambition (which I can agree with). No one else besides him and my family would recognize that I was in that lost state of mind. I am the type of person to be able to put on a complete front, so it’s not like I was moping around all depressed. He just got to see the best and in this case worst side of me, and it’s something I was going through. Definitely temporary, given my character and who I am as a person (I’ve always been sure of what I wanted in life, always have been a go getter, multitasker, driven, had goals, etc.) I let this road block in my life ultimately affect other aspects of my life. I had 2 jobs that slowed down and I wasn’t getting the hours I needed. I know I needed to look elsewhere, but instead remained content with the little hours I worked. Looking back this put a stress on my ex, because it looked like I just was lazy, when in fact I was in a complete rut/depressive state that I didn’t know how to get out of (I felt like things just spiraled out of my control and that I was stuck and confused). He had voiced a couple times that he was not happy with me not working as much as I should and “not being driven”… The thing is despite during all of this mess in my life, our relationship was still very strong. Just to clarify it’s not like a was a huge negative blob to be around, I still was urging us to do stuff like workout, play sports, get outside, go out, do fun things we both enjoy. Well anyways to top that all off, a huge dilemma came our way unexpectedly. About 1 & 1/2 months before we broke up, I had found out I got pregnant. (We had talked to each other about one day getting married, having kids and a life together but we were not yet at the point in our lives). After a long and hard debate we came to the agreement of getting an abortion which was exactly 1 month before we broke up. We knew it wasn’t the right point in our lives, but also knew we would forever have to live with the decision we made. So the last month we were together mainly is what I believe to be what did us in. We were dealing with the healing process in 2 different ways. While I wanted to be close and comforted, he seemed to be aloof and a little bit distant. It wasn’t so drastic though, and didn’t even really notice until after we broke up looking back on things. A month after the abortion I had my last check up at the dr’s and that day was really hard on me emotionally. I didn’t voice it to him but instead was on edge and we ended up getting in a little fight over something not important.

The breakup: That led me to say I think we need a break. He finally agreed, and this was the day before I was going out of town for 5 days. I left thinking the 5 days apart would be a good start, but after I left I soon regretted the decision we made, and realized I made it out of my emotions running high. During that 5 day break while I was gone, we still texted here and there (definitely not as much as usual) but I didn’t think this break would last that long. When I got back normally I would expect him to get ahold of me since he knew what day I was returning, but he didn’t. I was the one who said can we meet up and talk, and he asked if we could the next day because he was swamped at work. We talked the next day and I asked him what he was thinking so far and he replied it’s only been 5 days. I get that is not a long time, but I had already come to realize that I think we made a mistake, and I told him that. I sugguested the break in the first place, just to get some time to clear our heads so we could come back refreshed and better than ever. My intention was never to have it last for a long period, and I was under the impression we would still be considered “together” but just taking some time on our own. Well instead of him just saying maybe we should take a little bit longer of some time on this break he said he wants his space. All I asked for was a general timeframe, and some guidelines which I would consider very reasonable to give. He couldn’t give me any answers, so originally I didn’t think it was a great idea going on a break if neither of us knew what rules we were going by (just texting & no seeing each other, or no contact at all, how long, what he wanted to get from this break, etc) I ended up not being able to bring myself to agree to something that I felt was a bad idea and I ended up leaving on that note. A couple days later I asked to talk again. This time I said I will agree to a break, just please to give me a bit of an idea of what that entails. Now he said that he doesn’t want to try a break, and kept continuing to say “he wants his space right now”. This was heartbreaking to me because I feel like this came out of no where, because he originally agreed with me suggesting to go on a break, to him saying he wants a break, to him saying he needs his space and he doesn’t want to be together. I also felt blind sighted because he was actually sounding angry and nasty the way he broke up with me, which came out of no where and is not like him, I haven’t seen him act that way really. I left and at this point we were broken up.

After the breakup: I couldn’t believe this was happening, I feel like things took a complete 180. I honestly could barely wrap my mind around us really being done. I felt like there were so many things unanswered and I was so confused what really went down. He could barely give me any information as to why he wanted his space right now. At this point I went through all the emotions. Shock, anger, hurt, sadness. Everything. I was being irrational with what I was saying via text the next few days. He said he doesn’t want to completely shut me out of his life, and that it’s not that he doesn’t love me. The last question I texted was “You’re okay with giving up on us?” And he said “I just want my space right now”. Well I gave him some space, but I did write him a letter, just so he knew I was willing to give him space, and wanted to tell him what I was feeling without him feeling obligated to get back to me. A little over a week went by and I broke the silence by calling him asking if I could come over. He said it was funny I called because he was just about to call me that day. Well we talked about things for a little bit, and he asked me if I wanted to hangout the next day. I said ok because I thought this was things getting better between us. The next day I came over, and things were strangely normal. He was acting like we were basically together, even though we both knew we weren’t. He made dinner for us, we watched tv and hung out. He was kind of playfully being touchy feely (which is how he normally was, but I wasn’t expecting that after we just broke up). He said something about the dishes and I said that he lost that benefit since I’m not his gf anymore. (referring to me doing them, since I regularly did them) He asked for a back massage and I said friends don’t give friends massages. He spoon fed me the spaghetti sauce to try twice (I didn’t really have an option to avoid that since the spoon was already in my face). He even imitated something I said stressing it in an innocent voice (which was his normal way of indirectly telling me what I said was cute) and went and leaned in to kiss me, but caught himself right before. I was making it clear that we were broken up and he wasn’t going to basically “have his cake and eat it too” sort of thing. (but I was doing it in a way that came across as not mean and in a relaxed way, not stern). Well before things ended on a good note, I asked more about where we stand and that made him become frustrated. He just couldn’t talk about anything between us. A couple days later I asked him if he wanted to go this baseball game, he ignored me a bit and eventually he told me again “he wants his space right now”. Another week went by, no contact, until I ran into him downtown while I was with my family. We said hi and my family came over to hug him and talk real quick. We talked a bit longer, he said he “wasn’t ignoring me” (even though he did) and he asked me what I was doing the next day and if I wanted to hang out. I said I was going to a football game. We hugged each other and said bye. The next day he texted me about the game I was at, and later when I got home I asked if he wanted to hangout and he said yes. We hung out and this time was a little less bf/gf -esque, but things we’re good. I ended up asking why was it that he ignored me, and he said that every time we hangout I always want to talk about us instead of just hanging out and he said that wasn’t his idea of fun, just talking about us. I agreed because I don’t like to keep bringing where we stand up, but told him the reason I am asking so many questions is because everything was left unanswered. I told him I can’t help but keep questioning because I feel like any time I see him could be the last time, and it would eat away at my mind if I had all these questions but never got any answers. The next day(today) he texted me just asking about work and what not, and we had a short conversation.

And now I’m here: Writing this because ultimately everything at this point is so confusing. I had come to the conclusion that I can’t keep bringing us and where we stand up when we hang out. But I also still don’t know where we stand. He keeps saying he “wants his space right now” (Keyword: Right Now, which he keeps repeating) and we’ve gone a little over a week 3 times, no contact. Not a consistent 30 days with no contact though. I am about to start that because I need to know if our relationship really stands a chance, and I feel like that would be the only way since I can’t get any answers out of him.

My personal thoughts: I think this is his confusing way dealing with the abortion honestly. I think he brought up other reasons why he broke up with me, to convince himself, and I think those reasons were all scapegoats. I also do think I was pressuring him into giving me answers, when he honestly doesn’t have any, and I think that also could’ve been a factor in driving him to break up with me.

Please let me know your thoughts on this whole situation, and if I have a chance at getting my ex back.

Abby

September 22, 2015 at 11:42 am

I also forgot to mention another thing. Over the course of a month of us being broken up, I have started the new semester of classes up, and got a new job. So I am going to school and working full time. I also have joined a volleyball league which was one of my old passions, and have attempted in meeting new people. I would hate it if that was the ultimate reason for him breaking up with me would be because of those concerns he had of me “not working enough hours, lacking ambition, or being lazy” because that is so unlike me and I knew it was temporary. Honestly, it took this breakup to make me realize what I’m doing and it helped me snap out of my rut. Sometimes losing someone puts your life into perspective better than anything else can, and I believe having our relationship and him on the line made me look at the big picture.
Abby

September 22, 2015 at 11:30 am

I almost forgot to mention a very important side note: I had gone on a date with someone else during our last week of no contact. Somehow it got brought up because we were talking about area codes and I was going to say “I met someone from your hometown” because it made me think of the distinctive area code that my ex has and the guy I went on a date had.. but stopped myself because that would 100 percent look like I was just trying to bring up the fact that I went on a date. He kept on asking me over and over what I was going to say and it got to the point where he was getting mad. So I ended up telling him I went on a date because I wouldn’t ever lie to him about that. I honestly didn’t want to go on this date, but felt like I should because I shouldn’t just sit at home and wallow. After I told him he would not stop asking me questions… “What’s his last name, where’d he go to school, where’d we go, what’d we do, how many times have we gone out, what’s his job, am I planning on seeing him again, did he enthuse me?” So it just showed that he got jealous knowing that. But I made sure to establish that I wasn’t out looking for someone to go out on a date, and told him I felt like I should get out and that I wasn’t going to shut myself off from the world because I’m so upset with what happened between us. He still knows that I very much want to work things out between us, so I don’t think this will confuse him making him think I am over him completely.

Emily

September 20, 2015 at 5:59 pm

Hey, so I have an issue with an ex FWB and I don’t want to get back together with him per se. We used to be really close friends, and I told him I had feelings for him and he did not reciprocate. Whatever, we both said we would stay friends, and he decided we shouldn’t sleep together anymore. But ever since he’s been very distant and we don’t feel like friends. I feel like hes trying to get me out of his life but I care for him as a friend. We have the same friend group but he seems to not come out if he knows I’ll be there. Is there anything I can do to get things back to normal as friends. Sorry this is a little different, I dont know if the same rules would still apply. I didnt talk to him much at all for about two months hoping that would help but it didnt.
T. Glitz

September 19, 2015 at 4:28 am

Hi Chris. I was dating this man for 4 months and we are progressing very well.

2 weeks ago I saw some weird postings on his social media (he doesn’t log on at all). Next day I confronted him calmly and he said he crazy ex was stalking him and was begging him to take her back, she used his phone secretly to make those postings.

He didn’t act surprise but he said his feeling for her is just sympathy. The crazy ex has been doing this since they broke up a year ago, before we got together. So I asked him if he wants to be with her or me, he can’t answer but he doesn’t want to lose me. Then I asked him what will he do if he was in my situation
He kept silence for a moment and said he wouldn’t know what to do. So I told him let’s take a breather and he can decide. I asked him how long does he need to think and he said to give him 1 week to sort things out.

I didn’t blame him nor was I mad at him as everyone has a past and I knew his last breakup was a mess. I was happy that he was open with his feelings, his stubborn character makes it difficult for him to express his feelings. So I was happy he was honest about it when I confronted him.

One week later, he came bck to me and said he decided to choose me and have ended the emotional baggage with his ex. The weird postings on his social media were deleted by him and I went back with him again. Another one week later, I saw the weird posting again and he wasn’t replying my text messages as quickly as before on that day.

So he finally text me 2 days later (he went silent during the 2 days) and said he was busy with work + that he got back with his ex. He knew it would be hurtful to me but he insist that he wants to be with me while he is together with his ex as he can’t get aroused by me recently (like wtf). He said he really wants to see me the next day still.

I felt very disrespected and told him “no” and he kept insisting. I just stand my ground and said I am happy that he gone back to his ex so he can at least hv closure with her now but I don’t want to be with a man who can’t give me his 100% and I’m sure he feels the same.

I think he is back with his ex for sex only, it seems like it. We live 1 hour apart and everytime he takes the effort to drive all the way to see me, no matter how tired he is. Sometimes I reciprocate too. Sometimes after returning from biz trip and still having jetlag, he will always drop by to see me first before he goes home. He was still doing this until 2 days ago when I discovered the weird postings the 2nd time.

I admit I still have a soft spot for him. He is not perfect but I like the way he makes to effort to change at will for me, so that it will make me happy. E.g. He has eczema on his hands so he can’t do dishes and wearing rubber gloves makes his hands itch. But after I cooked for him, he would wash the dishes for me knowing how much effort I put in to cook for him. He always eat out so he really appreciates home cooked meals.

So the bottomline is… I initiated the break up yesterday and told him to go on with his ex and I will move on with my life. I’m going to do the NC for 30 days and see how it’s goes.

But in the back of my mind, I’m still thinking, was there a time where he truly felt something for me or just using me to overcome the bad breakup that happened 1 year ago. I miss him dearly now but I hv to be strong.

T. Glitz

October 11, 2015 at 11:32 pm

Update : I have gone NC for 3 weeks now and he contacted me last weekend. Saying how much he miss me, how stupid he was etc (in my heart I was cheering!). I wasn’t emotional and was being the cheerful person that I usually am. He was begging to see me as he wanted to talk abt things between us and reconcile. He sounded sincere so I said ok. But the night came and he didn’t turn up. Yeah he stood me up. When I called or text him, no reply. Almost 18 hrs later, at abt 6.30pm he text me and said sorry he fell asleep and was really exhausted. That’s it! I was like… Ok… what just happened there??! I was playing my cards well but suddenly he is like this. Maybe he had cold feet.

Jason

September 15, 2015 at 10:58 pm

Dear Chris,
My boyfriend and I broke up days ago. We have been together for 10 months. We went through a lot. We grew in the past 10 months together. You see, when we started out, he was a senior in highschool. i was there through his transition from highschool to college. We were so close. For 10 months we constantly kept seeimg eachother. Our spark never died. I always felt this hug passion and attraction and love for him. And i know deep down he feels the same way too.

We werent the perfect couple though. We had our fights and misunderstandings. There was i time he hated me for hurting him. I made him insecure. I made him feel like he wasnt enough. I didnt mean it. I always figured that those were my insecurities, manifesting and it rubbed off on him. It scarred him. All i could remember is that after that i did my very best to make it up to him . I made sure he knew that he was enough.

Few days ago he broke up with me. we broke up for 2 reasons. First He said we weren’t working out anymore. He confided that he got affected by my friends opinion about him. I always talked to my friends when we had problems. My friend has a bad impresion on him. But he wasn’t bad at all. Just misunderstood. He felt threatened by my friends so just decided to separate . he felt that he wasnt enough. The second reason is that a day before we broke up, he was already talking to this other guy. He told me this guy was special to him. The guy made him feel secure. He wanted to know if maybe this guy was the one.

Im hurt by everything. Considering he considered the other guy makes me feel like im not enough. It sunk deep inside of me that i wasnt the one for him but in the past 10 months i always felt that he was the one for me. Its not fair and it hurts and we miss eachother. We talked about missing eachother but we cant get back together because he already has his guy. He cant let go of this guy and he wants me to stay as a friend. Im hurt by this because I’ll get to see them fall in love and i cant hamdle that. I decided to walk away from him even if it hurts. It hurts more seeinh them share what we used to have. So i left for myself.

I do want him back. Hes the greatest love of my life. That is why im here. Im asking you if i still have a chance to get him back. Not now but maybe in the future. Do i have a chance? Should i still try the program? What are your thoughts on this? I am courteously awaiting for your response. Thank you.
Sunny

September 15, 2015 at 6:00 pm

Dear Chris,
I have become a fan of this website and learned that you like short and to-the-point comments so I will leave one like that.
My ex and I have dated for 3 months. We had similar interests/lifestyle/outlook on life that we even discussed marriage (we are both 24 years old). But he is passive-aggressive/sensitive/VERY stubborn/spoiled at home, whereas I am aggressive/hard-headed/stubborn/not spoiled at home. Because of those 4 main differences we’ve had our share of fights in 3 months we dated. Below is the timeline of what caused our “break up”
we fought about something insignificant (about driving issues since we are 35min apart)
next day he left for Alaska (family trip) for 2 weeks
he told me he may not have wifi in the cruise so I decided to wait till he returned to talk in person
he came back and still no contact for several days
so I called him only to find out he deactivated Facebook/blocked my number and may have even filtered my email to trash
I emailed him apologizing/explaining why I didn’t contact him/asking him to clarify our relationship status but no reply
So my sister texted him asking him to clarify our relationship and still no reply
It’s been 3 days since I’ve attempted to contact him and 3 weeks since he’s been back

Why is he avoiding the answer? Should I move on or wait?
Thank you.

Sunny

September 15, 2015 at 6:29 pm

it’s been 1 week since he’s been back not 3 **

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