Today we are going to be talking about signals from your ex that proves he misses you after the breakup.
Sounds like a pretty basic article, right?
Actually it isn’t.
Because I did something I’ve never done before for this article and used myself as a Guiana pig.
Well, perhaps that’s not entirely accurate.
I basically thought back to my very first breakup and considered all of the emotions and actions I took when I actually missed that person.
In other words, I’m getting personal and I think you’ll find some of the signals unique and fascinating.
Let’s begin.
5 Signs That Your Ex Misses You After The Breakup
After my very first breakup I did five things that were indications that I missed my ex.
In short, they were,
- Texting, Calling Or Showing Up In Person (Particularly Late At Night)
- Not Giving All Of Your Items Back
- Getting Angry During Conversations When Things Don’t Go Your Way
- Calling Your Best Friend To Talk About You
- Suddenly Blocking You And Then Unblocking You A Few Weeks Later
I personally believe that I’m in the unique position to talk to you in this article for a few reasons.
Firstly, I am a man.
Secondly, I was actually the one who broke up with my ex after nine months.
Thirdly, there was a period of time where I missed her and I engaged in each of those five signs above.
Allow me to explain.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSign #1: Texting, Calling Or Showing Up In Person
So, this sign is kind of a combination of everything I’ve seen over the years as well as something I did after the breakup.
Care to guess what it was that I did?
I’ll wait.
…..
I’m waiting…
Ok fine, I actually showed up to my ex girlfriends school one morning.
Here’s the background of what was going through my head.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizMy very first breakup happened when I was 18 years old.
I was a senior in high school and she was a junior.
We broke up during the summer that I went off to college and she became a senior. Now, I know what you’re thinking.
Oh, you just broke up with her to be free for college…
That’s actually not true.
Our relationship was plagued with so many problems that every week felt like an apocalypse was about to begin.
Anyways, throughout our relationship we had established a certain pattern.
Every morning I would meet her at school before classes would begin so we would get some extra time together.
One day I decided that I was going to do this again and surprise her.
I must have been broken up with her for something like 2 months at that point.
But What Went Through My Mind To Cause Me Show Up At Her School Like That?
So, here’s the timeline of events that caused me to show up at her school.
Ultimately the big tipping point is I ended up going out on a date with a new girl.
In hindsight, I don’t regret going on the date with that girl but it made me realize that I still wasn’t fully over my ex.
I mean, it’s a problem when you go on a date with someone and all you can think about is how things were better with your ex.
Anyways, after this date with this girl I get the brilliant idea to surprise my ex out of the blue at her school (my former school.)
I remember going to bed that night nervous and excited at what the next day would bring.
It makes me cringe to think about because until that point I had maybe spoken to my ex once or twice total.
Anyways, I didn’t sleep very well because I was so nervous which meant that I woke up very early and I went on my way.
The school hadn’t changed much.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI arrived around 6 in the morning and had about an hour before my ex would typically arrive.
I thought about what I was going to say.
I thought about how she would react.
In my mind I thought she would come over and hug me, hold me.
We would have this grand reconnection and talk about how the time apart had done us good.
In the midst, of this daydream a voice I recognized called my name.
My old teacher was shocked to see me.
A student, who had graduated come back.
I chatted with her for a bit and that’s when it suddenly dawned on me how ridiculous my plan was.
I looked like a creep stalking someone in high school
It caused me to get in my car and leave.
I never did reconnect with my ex and to the best of my knowledge she never knew I was there waiting for her that day.
I told you this story to show you what missing an ex can cause someone to do.
Look at all the actions I took.
- I woke up early in the morning.
- I showed up to my old high school.
- I waited for a good 45 minutes to see my ex.
If she had come in 20 minutes earlier than normal I definitely would have run into her and the story might have a different ending.
I’d probably experience the most embarrassing moment of my life because I later learned that she had already moved on to someone else.
Sign #2: Not Giving All Of Your Items Back
I know this article is supposed to be about my experience but I’m going to cheat for this one because I’ve never done this personally but I have seen plenty of exes pull it.
Here’s how it works,
Basically your ex has a singular thought after the breakup.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWait, if I hold onto a few of her things it’ll guarantee an instant date.
Everyone knows that one of the customary breakup protocols occurs when you exchange items.
You left things at his place.
He left things at your place.
You need to exchange these items.
However, it’s possible to hold onto those things so you’ll have another excuse to see your ex. I mean, look how easy it is to just say something like,
Hey, I forgot to give you your favorite shirt. Want to come get it?
I see exes pulling this all the time.
Especially if they miss you.
Sign #3: Getting Angry When Conversations Don’t Go Your Way
Probably the best analogy I can give you when it comes to my experience of going through my breakup is that my emotions were like a pendulum swinging back and forth,
One moment I would be wanting to talk to my ex more than anything.
The next I would feel like a weight was lifted of my chest.
One of the constant sources of stress in our relationship was her parents.
I think at heart they were nice people but her dad was a little odd.
He was very over protective and did things that really freaked me out.
For example, when I took my ex to prom back when we were dating he answered the door with an AK-47,
I was already nervous enough but seeing that made me nerves multiply tenfold.
Anyways, after my ex and I broke up and after the “showing up at the school” incident we hardly talked.
I was stubborn and she was stubborn right back.
I don’t remember how we eventually got back in touch but we did and I remember for around 45 minutes we had a conversation that went pretty well.
I told her what I had been up to and she told me what she had been up to.
I had already heard through the grape vine that she was dating someone new.
I found it interesting that she left that piece of information out.
We agreed that we would talk again around the same time the next day.
In the lead up to that conversation an idea entered my head.
She’s dating someone new, right?
I bet you she still has feelings for me even though she is dating that new guy.
I bet if I get her to agree to see me in person it will make her realize that she prefers me over the new guy.
So, our second conversation begins and I wait until we are about 30 minutes into it and I drop the hint that we should get a cup of coffee some time.
Silence…
Literally all I hear is silence.
Then she proceeds to tell me that her father, the crazy AK-47 man, has told her that he doesn’t think she should be dating anyone.
It’s a lie.
I know it’s a lie.
She knows it’s a lie and I just erupt in anger.
We have a fight and don’t talk again for months.
Ultimately, looking back I got angry because the conversation didn’t go my way.
I was young and didn’t keep calm.
I wanted so badly to prove I was better than the guy she was with that when it didn’t happen I just flew off the handle.
Sometimes anger can be a sign that your ex misses you, remember that.
Sign #4: Calling Your Best Friend To Talk About You
Did I ever tell you how I broke up with my ex?
Looking back if I were to chart our relationship it would look something like this,
My satisfaction with it peaked around month two.
The turning point occurred when she told me that she was sleeping over at her friends house and during that night they went to a guys house and spent a good portion there.
It freaked me out because why would you do that?
It always made me a little skeptical.
Anyways, from that point on our relationship was full of fights.
I was extremely insecure and that pretty much took root.
By the end we were fighting every other day.
And I’m not kidding about that.
Anyways, I broke up with her when I went on a road trip with my best friend.
He was driving and I was texting her.
We were having a fight through text and I ended up saying something like,
Now, I was talking about the conversation.
I just sent that text message and turned off my phone.
I couldn’t take fighting anymore.
My phone stayed off for the next six hours but the fight just gnawed at me and I ended up turning my phone back on expecting to have hundreds of text messages from her.
I didn’t have one.
This angered me.
So, I reached out to her with a simple one word message like,
The response comes within seconds,
At this point I’m presented with an opportunity.
I can clear up the fact that I meant that I was finished with the conversation and not the relationship or say nothing and just let it be.
I said nothing.
This was my first relationship so I didn’t know what to feel after the breakup.
I had always read these stories about how horrible it was but I can honestly say the first 24 hours I just felt numb.
It wasn’t until a few months go by that I realized just how torn up I was.
At one point throughout the “torn up” part I started texting her best friend.
I’m not an idiot and I knew that if I texted her best friend it’ll be a great way to kind of relay information to her.
I always got along great with her best friend so one night I just called her up and ended up having a three hour conversation.
We talked about all kinds of things.
But mostly she would ask me questions about my ex and how I felt.
I knew that my answers would get back around to my ex and I was ok with it for some reason.
Here’s my point.
If you notice your ex calling your best friend.
It’s probably a sign they are thinking a lot about you.
Sign #5: Suddenly Blocking You And Then Unblocking You
After my breakup with my ex I hated going to Facebook.
I hated seeing her post pictures happy.
I wanted her to cry.
I’m not ashamed to admit that.
I wanted her to be as upset and angry as I was.
She didn’t ever appear that way in public on Facebook though.
She was always taking pictures with her friends and they looked like they were having the time of their lives.
One day I realized that I was like a drug addict.
Every time I would log onto my computer I would literally go to Facebook and go to her profile.
I recognized how unhealthy it was and in an effort to create a better behavior within myself I decided to block her on Facebook. I just couldn’t look at her profile anymore.
It became unhealthy.
It was a great decision because it really helped me get my mind onto healthier things.
But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t think about her.
That I didn’t wonder what she was up to.
A few months later after blocking her I unblocked her just to take a peek and see what she was up to.
I want you to remember this story if you find yourself blocked by your ex.
It doesn’t mean that he’s not thinking about you.
More likely, he’s thinking about you too much.
Kayla
October 8, 2020 at 9:26 pm
Hi Chris
My boyfriend and I dated for 2 1/2 years and lived with each other for a year. We’ve been off and on again but we got into two minor arguments before he left, first one he started, punched a hole in our wall and he begged for me and apologized for it. Told me he couldn’t see himself with someone else and that he wanted to start a family so I forgave him. Next morning we got into an argument over breakfast.. he then left packed his stuff and told me we need to focus on ourselves and the love isn’t there anymore despite everything he said the night before. He left me with all the bills Two weeks before rent was due and moved to his grandmas. I attempted no contact then our phone bill got taken out of my account and I asked for the money, he told me he would get it to me in a couple of days and the same night I saw him driving out of town hanging out with people he hadn’t seen in 2 years, people he despised!! The friends ( not good influences, they are scammers) are all staying at 5 star hotels and eating at fancy restaurants. He comes home two weeks later and drops the phone off to my friend, gets a complete new number and MOVES 6 hours away with all these people he supposedly hated and we’ve only been broken up for 3 weeks . I’m so confused!
Nana
February 20, 2020 at 6:44 pm
Hi, my ex cheated on me and I caught him, we have been broken up for about 3 weeks now, I wanted to look past the cheating and still try to make it work, he apologized and cried and said that he really fucked up and that he just knows there is no coming back from that. Do u think after the NC is up that he would want to look past his mistake and possibly want to make it work ? We dated for 7 months, we were together 24/7 I met his kids and they loved me and I loved them, I would cook dinner every night for us, help with school work and they basically saw me as there step mom and my ex would always tell me how much he loved me and we talked about marriage and children
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 20, 2020 at 10:32 pm
Hi Nana, so as you are now in No Contact, make sure that you spend some time working on yourself. Read about being Ungettable, and when your no contact is over you can reach out to your ex and see how he responds to a text that Chris suggests. If he is telling you that he does not want to go back after cheating then there could be more to his affair than when he is letting on so be mindful of what his actions show you, rather than his words
Moriah
February 6, 2020 at 5:51 pm
Hi Chris.. Umm well, I dated this guy for 5 months basically 4 because on the 5th he cheated on me with someone 3 years younger than me. we had a mutual break up because I just wanted him happy, we tried being friends but he would yell at me, call me names, and seriously cyberbully me. Whenever I try to talk to him about something like a class or homework or student council, he gives me a face that makes me feel extremely disrespected, and won’t look me in the eyes at all and lashes back at me when i ask a simple question. I honestly don’t know what I did. It feels like he completely hates me and he talks behind my back. I cried for a full year after the breakup and it was a living hell. after a year and half since we broke up (present time as in now) I am focusing on school and yet get serious backlash and hate being thrown at me…. what am I not seeing? what did I do? what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 8, 2020 at 5:06 pm
Hey Moriah! This is not your fault he cheated and now he is giving you abuse. I suggest that you stop speaking with this person and move on with your life. This type of person is not good for you. Block him on social media if the behavior continues
Tercia
May 3, 2019 at 7:50 am
Hi…. My ex and I have broken up for the 2nd time around it’s been a more than a year we were engaged. We dated for 10 years. She dumped me on both occasions. I did NC and she dated someone new. Thing is she’s always the one reaching out to me first and I keep allowing her back in. We both single at present and enjoy each other’s company. We went out a couple of times and we will chat on a daily basis. Things are good yet I don’t know if I should continue with the way things are. I would really appreciate your input. Thank you.
Chris Seiter
May 3, 2019 at 5:41 pm
Hi Tercia….So think in terms of little steps- not rushing back into anything if the trust isn’t there. At some time in the future if things are not clearer and agreed on as to what you both wish to achieve together, then it may be appropriate to take a lengthy break from her.
Buffy
December 11, 2018 at 4:25 am
I have been friends with my ex for six years. We started dating during the summer this year. We mutually broke up. It was not right timing. I want to focus on my career. He does not have enough time for relationship. I did NC for two months and contacted him. We texted for a little bit. I haven’t talked to him a month ago and his birthday is coming up in two weeks. Is it too soon to hang out as friends?
Chris Seiter
December 12, 2018 at 3:39 am
Probably not too soon…..but think in terms of little steps!
Madelina S
November 1, 2018 at 2:42 pm
Hi?? we have mutual friends in common but we started talking when he accidentally text me and then we saw each other a week after that first contact/text message. we start as dating but not calling it that… we broke like 3? or 4 days later over some weird fight. then he block me and i had to text his best friend to talk to him. we both apologizes and got back together…. we dated for another week but then all the sudden;, we started talking about marriage and children and it seem we were planning a future together… i got uncomfortable since i’m Turning 16 and he turns 18 in 2 months, so i pulled back and tried to tell him we should calm down since it’s going wayyy to fast for me. he started to assume that i was trying to breakup, when i wasn’t, and then he started yelling at me and how i used him and how i’m a liar and a player etc.. he block me when he was done yelling at me and he and his best friend decide to get back at me by pranking me. his best friend, luca, texted me and talk about how my ex doesn’t know but he’s in love with me. i’m quite gullible and i believe him.. i told luca that he can’t and that i’m not going thorough with this since he’s one of my friends but also best friend/ next door neighbor and because i didn’t want my ex to think i dump him for his best friend…turns out they were pranking me and they both block me afterwards… we got back together like a week after the second breakup and we stayed together for 2 weeks and at that 2 week time period, we fought but nothing major and his brother forgave me for hurting his brother. then my boyfriend / now ex texted me how he can’t talk to me anymore and he send this long letter of how much he loves me and stuff and when i told him that i need to think about all this new info i just got from him and how i need him to let me process it on my own.. he block me. so i had to have my friends text him for me to be able to talk to him.. when he unblock me, all he did was call me names and insult me but he is very insecure so i understand how it might have been in his shoes.. my friends got really mad at him and told him to never treat me or anyone that way and other stuff that friends do and he blocks me again so i’m not sure exactly i stand and should i do the NC or what exactly do i do??? PLEASE HELP!!!! He’s my first boyfriend and i have no clue what i should do???? all i know is that i love him and hopefully he still loves me and maybe we could get back together
p.s sorry for this really long dramatic story
Chris Seiter
November 2, 2018 at 2:35 am
Hi Madelina!
Just take things slow and easy. Its your own recovery and healing that is most important right now. NC allows for that. It is wrong for anyone to insult and be rude and abusive to another person. So he is wrong in behaving that way. No matter what happens, its going to be OK. You have an amazing future ahead of you.
sam
October 30, 2018 at 7:54 pm
Planning on breaking NC next week, which will be about 45 days of it. He hasn’t reached out to me once and he hasn’t really shown any indication that he misses me. He doesn’t check my social media anymore and he had all of his friends unfollow me, which did truly upset me. Do you think this means anything? Should I employ a longer NC?
Chris Seiter
October 31, 2018 at 12:04 am
Hi Sam!
I would not go pass 60 days. Sometimes guy don’t reach out. Sometimes they hold on to anger too long. Be sure to follow my program in that when you reach the end of the NC period, utilize the initial contact strategy I discuss in my program!
Nastya
October 29, 2018 at 3:29 pm
Hello! I met a guy at the resort. We are from different countries . Also age difference, he is 18 , I’m 30. At first we didn’t plan to continue our holiday romance. But started to text and call each other every day. We agreed that he visit me soon, then I do the same and this time we don’t date other people. He is working. And seemed to look like honest person. He texted me many times per day . I already know his schedule. All our communication lasts for about a month . A couple of days ago I started to notice that he replied me not so often while he was online on other social network account . And it was only me who initiated video calls. Yesterday I decided to ask him what’s going on. We arranged the call time, but he didn’t reply. Today he explained that he fell asleep. I wrote him that there is probably other girl that he was texting to. And that if he doesn’t want all this anymore, then no need to lie, that everybody is free. He wrote me literally that he doesn’t want any other girl except me, that he “messed up” and sorry about that and that he would understand if I wouldn’t like to talk to him anymore, the same time that I mean a lot to him. But he didn’t deny existence of other girl . After this he just hid his activity status. Does it mean that he wants our relationships to continue, or that it’s just his ego, or politeness?. How to reply him? Should I try no contact? I was thinking to offer him to upload our picture together and put status that we are in relationships. But it seems to be too early. I feel bad physically and emotionally. And I don’t want any humiliation for me. How to preserve my dignity ?
Hope for your help. Thank you .
Chris Seiter
October 30, 2018 at 2:06 am
Hi Nastya!
There does seem to be some evasion here by your ex. I do think NC is a good choice. It will give you time to think thru things and find a better emotional balance. Take a look at some of the resources I have that help people in breakup situations…”Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”….”The No Contact Rule Book”….the countless number of articles and videos and podcasts!