Does The No Contact Rule Work? Yes, Here's Why!

297 thoughts on “Does The No Contact Rule Even Work?”

Kat

January 14, 2017 at 1:30 pm

Me and my ex broke up a few days before christmas, we had been on a break for a week before he did so and during this period i told him about how i had met people who knew me as his girlfriend to which he replied that it was good. So I accepted it as he said his feelings had changed overtime and we agreed to be friends although I later told him that I didn’t want to do so.
We live together but he went home (abroad) for the holidays so I started nc and limited nc when he came back so its been nearly 3 weeks nc/lnc. He had sent me a couple snapchats asking if i was ok but ignored them. We haven’t spoken about the relationship since breaking up and he’s acting friendly towards me. It also seems like he hasn’t told anyone about us.
Has he really moved on and do i have a chance to get him back? What should i do from now?

Kat

April 5, 2017 at 6:27 pm

I was getting fed up and with everyone pushing me to I ended up talking to him about his mixed signalled behaviour towards me. He claims it was all just as a friend and the talk was fairly neutral but I don’t think I should’ve done it now. I have contacted him twice since and he hasn’t replied. Should I continue to try with a few days interval inbetween each time if he doesn’t reply?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 2:58 pm

I think you need to rest for two weeks. it looks like he’s not replying because he doesn’t want you to expect.. if he still doesn’t reply after that two weeks,.move on..
Kat

April 1, 2017 at 11:41 am

We didn’t message often as we would mostly snapchat so should I use this or use the text guide on here to initiate contact? The last time I tried texting while away he didn’t show much response, and so I’m not sure what to do if that is the case again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2017 at 5:45 pm

use snap chat 🙂
Kat

March 31, 2017 at 9:46 am

I will be out of town for about 3 weeks and was wondering what I should do during this period as I won’t be seeing him at all. Should i messsage/snapchat him? But I feel like we are not on terms to do that as we’ve only been connecting in person and although we connect well, we also keep our distance in that we don’t seem to go out of our way to talk to each other (as we have no reason to). I’m worried it might end up like another NC and from the articles I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.
Kat

March 25, 2017 at 3:11 pm

Sorry for asking this again, but it really baffles me that he really is still trying to hide his relationship although it’s been 3+ months now. He lies about where he has been and tries to avoid communication with friends when he’s with her. Why might he still be hiding?
Also because it has been going on for so long I’m beginning to get frustrated with his behaviour towards me – does he want me back or not even though he has a new girl. I don’t want to tell him I know about it and have it confirmed with him but I also thought that if say we do get back together, we would have to talk about it anyway. So should I talk to him about it or not?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 1:57 pm

more probably because he’s not serious with her..talk about it when you get back together
Kat

March 18, 2017 at 10:49 pm

Hi Amor! Last week he seemed to be ‘avoiding’ me for nearly a week so I wasn’t able to talk to him and then a few days ago he suddenly went back to his previous behaviour (talked and made me feel his abs). If he pulls away should I mimic his behaviour or still try to talk and build rapport?
I’ve talked to him about the changes and he seems to have reasons/excuses or rejected what I said. I believe the main cause of the change is because he is with her now but he never mentioned her at all (- still hiding their relationship?).
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 23, 2017 at 8:53 pm

yup you should mimic and do more than him, be more active in your life than him..
Kat

March 13, 2017 at 10:38 am

Hi Amor! Is it ok to confront him about his change in lifestyle? Frankly I’m quite concerned since it has changed and not in a good way. Would doing so even make him reflect on himself?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 11:25 am

confrontation will just probably make him attacked…if you’re concerned it would be better to talk about that in person in a more curious way..but not in a blaming or pointing it out way..
Kat

March 5, 2017 at 12:58 pm

Also, he seems to be flirting with me, should I be responsive and flirt back? I think I have been so far, but what if it just makes him think that he can have his way with me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2017 at 7:32 pm

Yeah, it’s ok to ask. Just be casual about it. It’s ok to flirt. That’s good. It’s how handle it, and how you keep him wanting more. He won’t have his way if he knows you’re not going to give it easily.
Kat

March 4, 2017 at 6:07 pm

Sorry it wasn’t clear. I meant that he has photos of me that I want him to send to me.
Kat

March 1, 2017 at 10:43 pm

Might it be ok to go as far as saying she thinks what he’s doing is wrong as his actions are very misleading if we’re not in a relationship anymore? Also, there are some photos of me that I him to send to me, when might be a good time to do so, is now appropriate?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2017 at 11:19 pm

it’s ok as long as he knows that friend knows what he’s doing all along and that that information didn’t come from you. Sorry I didn’t understand what you last said. Photos of you that he sent to you?
Kat

March 1, 2017 at 10:13 am

Hi Amor! I was wondering (my friend suggested this) if it might be a good idea for her to ‘go behind my back’ and tell him he made a mistake breaking up with me. His actions seem like he might still have feelings for me (my friend saw something and said if was like how we used to be except we weren’t in a relationship) but because I seem like I’m over the break up, he thinks I’m happy with the way things are so it’s preventing him from taking any steps.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Yeah, that’s ok..
Kat

February 23, 2017 at 7:01 pm

Hi again! I’ll try to put more effort in! My ex has been doing more shopping recently and everytime in comes in the post, he comes into my room (door is shut) and asks for my opinion on it! Is it ok to respond honestly or should I just keep it as positive as possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 9:54 pm

what do you mean by honestly? You mean you think his choices are not that good? Well, you can still be honest in a constructive way. Tell him what’s nice about it and then tell him what you think is a better option.
Kat

February 22, 2017 at 12:31 am

hmm, what should I be doing then? Again, I’m getting troubled about how I should be around him. I’m really finding my situation difficult as there isn’t an article that targets my case specifically and I really do want him back!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 9:59 pm

just have fun and build rapport.. YOu’re holding back because you know he’s seeing someone else. The good thing about your situation, is that he’s hiding it. Even if he’s seeing someone else, if he’s hiding it, that means he’s not serious about it.
Kat

February 21, 2017 at 6:23 pm

Hi Amor! I was wondering if I should aim to be friends with my ex as EBR pro suggests this under the he has a new girlfriend situation. Should I follow the advice under this situation even though he is keeping her hidden? I’ve also been finding it difficult to interact and build rapport with him now as he doesn’t approach me first often anymore which is what I had been relying on in the past but it could also be that it seems this way since he was away on the weekend.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 11:26 pm

hmm.. well, yes and no.. you can be more present, but the thing is, if he thinks you don’t know he is seeing somebody else, it would be weird that you’re being careful in some of your actions..
Kat

February 21, 2017 at 10:22 am

Thank so much for that! I panicked at the time of writing to you and lost focus but should be back on track now. My housemate asked who he went with the other day and he still seems to be lying and hiding it. I guess it makes me more confused since I’m sure I look like I’m over the break up from what people say so I don’t see why he still really has a reason to hide aswell as the girl.
Kat

February 18, 2017 at 2:48 pm

You had told me not to ask about their relationship, but then what do I do if she comes up in the conversation. For example if he were to tell me he went somewhere with her today, is it ok if I say something like they seem to be close lately or how come they went together because it would be odd to us that they did since he never shows that they’ve been hanging out? So far he only seems to be referring to her as a friend but me and my housemate never ask who because we know it’s her. If the conversation leads to something like this, what should I do? Or should I try to avoid it leading to this?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 6:17 pm

the question is, can you handle what he will say if he’s going to be honest? I mean, if he’s hiding it, it can still be a good sign.. but if you wanted to coax it out from him, ask more of what they did instead of asking who the person really is.. but also, if you really wanted to know, you can ask, and then right after that, ask what they are to each other because it would be hard to ask about that at a different time..
Kat

February 18, 2017 at 2:28 pm

Thank you for the reply! I go through my ups and downs with feeling ok about their relationship and sometimes feel like there’s no hope especially when he seems to be seems to be going to new places with her. Might it be because they don’t want to be seen by our friends in public places so they’ve been going to less obvious ones? I get jealous, confused, lost and panic and I don’t know how to deal with my feelings knowing that he’s doing these with her and then how to talk to him without my feelings getting in the way because I don’t want him to bring her up when we talk either. Is it normal to feel like there’s no hope? Does it seem like I still have a chance to win him back? It bothers me because I know they’re not compatible and will break up but i dont know when.
Kat

February 17, 2017 at 7:11 pm

Hi Amor, I’ve been wondering recently, since its been nearly 2 months since the break up and and maybe 1.5 months since they’ve got together but they’re still hiding the relationship, if I should confront him to let him know that I know about them or get him to tell me himself or should I just let them continue to keep it a secret and continue to build rapport? After all, it can’t be kept a secret forever. What would be the best option to play?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 9:45 pm

if it’s a secret to everybody, don’t ask. If he’s keeping it a secret just to you, let him tell it. Because he would have told you if he’s serious about her.. but if you get serious later on, of course you have to confront him about that.
Kat

February 13, 2017 at 1:15 am

To elaborate on previous comment, for example she was at the badminton social we attend but left after I arrived, only to go watch the courts from above. Possibly to watch our interactions?
Also, he had questionable behaviour the other day. He came into my room several times, asked for my opinion on his body and weight and posed/showed it off in my room. On leaving, he pulled on his underwear so you could see his butt cheeks. On another day he then asked for my opinion on a top he recently bought and has been making constantly making comments on my make up saying I’m wearing a lot. He used to talk about my makeup but in a much nicer way. Why would he be doing things like this in front of his ex?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 11:31 pm

yes, be active in posting because that’s one way of showing you have a life and that you’re not always available and not initiating texts always
Kat

February 12, 2017 at 11:18 pm

Hi Amor!
I have definitely been busier the past weeks, but how do I become less available when he is only home at night when I definitely would be available? Also, should I be ‘showing off’ my activities on social media like snapchat to show him that I am able to have fun without him?
I’ve also noticed recently that the new girl is becoming more interested and attending some social events that me and my ex would normally attend as part of societies that we’re in that she isn’t. Could this mean that she’s becoming more aware/doubtful of what my ex’s relationship with me might be?
Kat

February 7, 2017 at 7:43 pm

So I’ve been building rapport and we’re getting along well but I was wondering if there’s a possibility I end up getting friendzoned and how would I prevent this? Also, this website talks about increasing the number of texts per day in building rapport but since I am doing it in person is there a similar way I can ‘gage my progress’?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 12:00 am

dont be too available and dont stop the activities you started during nc.. hmm check this:
Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back

guage as in how to increase? just keep talking and having fun conversations.. when you’re more comfortable with each other, hang out.
Kat

February 3, 2017 at 4:37 pm

I’ve been away for the past week, so I thought I’d try messaging him first for once. The first time I tried he didn’t reply but then the next time it took nearly a day. I then moved to snapchat bc that’s his main form of communication, he saw but took several hours to reply. I sent another one today, which he has seen and replayed but I know he’s with her. I don’t know if she has access to his phone so has seen the past messages too but I know they were together whenever he replies. I know I need to be building rapport but sometimes it seems like he’s trying to cut me out but other times he’s not. I’m going back tomorrow and am not sure how to approach him. He hasn’t told us about her but we all know, so it’s confusing my mindset.
Thank you so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 8:34 pm

dont worry it’s confusing him too! just kidding! 🙂 if you’re goung to be seeing each other, then that’s more chance of you to build rapport little by little
Kat

February 2, 2017 at 12:36 pm

Hi Amor,
I don’t know what I’m looking for by telling you this but my friend spoke to him about why we broke up while I am away. He said because I initially said that I wanted to break up and that I felt relieved to have sad so he broke up with me thinking that we were unhappy in it and it was for the best. Does this mean he probably still had feelings for me when we broke up and increase the chances of it being a rebound? She asked if there’s a possibility that we could get back together and he said he doesn’t know because he doesn’t know how he feels, yet he’s with someone else at the moment. Could he be saying these to not hurt my feelings?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 8:59 pm

hmm..if he’s confused that’s probably the safest answers he can give
Kat

January 31, 2017 at 9:50 pm

Thanks so much!
I am back after thinking that I needed a break from searching for answers for his behaviour due to exams.
I’m getting confused about what his recent actions. He’s ignores me when she’s around but talks to me after she leaves and he is always the one to initiate contact. However, he’s not hiding that he’s hanging around her when people see him but he also seems to be making excuses and lying about what he’s up to in order to see her, in fact lying in general even about things not related to their relationship. I’m not sure if she knows that he hasn’t told anyone about our break up or their relationship but if I’m almost ‘avoiding’ them and our mutual friend still acts the same towards her, could she think that he has told us? Is there a way that our mutual friend could play a part in helping me win him back? and what could be his reasons for excessively and unnecessarily lying?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 12:04 pm

yes, if your friends keeps talking good things about you if he asks..he probably lies because he’s still confused or he’s hiding something from you or her
Kat

January 20, 2017 at 6:28 pm

Hi amor,
I’m not certain whether the break up was so he could be closer to her though. While we were on the break he still told me where he’d been and what he had done, he wasn’t hiding it. I felt like he had mixed feelings for me during this period, because he’d show how much he cared when I was ill. Also, he may have ended up spending more time around her during our break because of social gatherings where they would end up having plans together as a group and he’d join. Maybe this doesn’t convince you but I’m devastated as this is SO unlike him everyone is shocked, and because the level of their relationship advanced so quickly almost to the level of our relationship, i feel as if it maybe because he misses the familiarity of out old relationship and since it’s exam period he doesn’t want deal with emotions and is just using her to fill the void. My close friend is close to both of them also thinks its extremely odd that they are together, they don’t really have many common interests etc.
Also, its slightly odd that he hasn’t even told people that we broke up yet is with someone new. There must be a reason for this as they would end up encountering problems in the future with being public about it. If it just suddenly comes out that he’s in a new relationship he would look like a jerk.
If all this is not the case, then what should I do moving forward if it gigs? I really want him back. Is there a chance that he’d see that their relationship is not as good as ours?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 9:08 am

ok, well what only matters is if it’s gigs is that you have to really change than the one he knew and be better than the new girl..but even if it’s just a rebound, you still have to improve yourself too.. The only difference is that, it can be easier for you to get him back if it’s just a rebound
Kat

January 18, 2017 at 5:51 pm

I’m not sure if he did cheat one me but it seemed as if they were getting closer as friends before the break, even my friend said. However, during the break the became more particularly closer and I feel as though our argument had maybe pushed off the fence into her arms leading to the break up. I see how GIGS may be relevant in this situation, however could it just be a rebound as i have read in this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-know-if-your-ex-boyfriend-is-in-a-rebound-relationship-how-long-will-it-last/ . I’m not sure when their relationship actually started but if not during the break then definitely very quickly after we broke up.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2017 at 5:55 pm

I think it’s really more of gigs because, rebounds are more for helping the person get over somebody else..but if he broke up with you to get closer to her, even if it’s unintentional, thats gigs
Kat

January 18, 2017 at 2:09 am

I have just remembered something, and believe he has been in this relationship for a while now. When he came back on the 7th I saw he had a new phone case and i picked it up to have a look, but he immediately snatched it out of my hand as if he was hiding something. I realise now it was to hide the notifications that he was getting from her.
I also know that they were getting close before we broke up and that their relationship started not long after we broke up or even worse he started getting feelings for her before we broke up hence his reason for breaking up was because his feelings had changed overtime. How possible do you think this scenario could be?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2017 at 5:19 pm

you mean he cheated on you? if he left you for her, then it’s a grass is greener case.. Check the link below about that..if you’re going to initiate contact..you have to act like you dont know it

The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Kat

January 18, 2017 at 12:32 am

Sorry to bother you again.
I know I maybe shouldn’t have done this but I secretly checked his phone and found out that he’s in a relationship with someone else. I don’t know how long it has been but I have previously noticed they they were starting to become close before the time of our break up. He seems to be keeping a secret and they are becoming intimate really quickly. He is doing things with her that we did in our relationship. I’m now really confused by his past actions and don’t know what to do.
He seems to be keeping it hidden ,is this because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings or because he may want to keep a chance at getting me back?
Since the time he was acting friendly, we haven’t seen each other or talked, as he has stayed at hers almost every other night. I’m confused, I don’t know if his previous behaviour suggests that he did still have feelings for me and he only just recently got into a “relationship” with her.
My 30 days no contact is coming to an end at the beginning of next week and I’m not sure how to approach it anymore.
Kat

January 17, 2017 at 6:06 pm

I have one more question, I’ve seen articles where people say that we should talk about the problems we had in the relationship to prevent them occurring if getting back together. Is this a good idea or would it just bring back the negative memories and decrease my chances of getting him back? If not, when should I implement it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2017 at 9:16 pm

that would be more appropriate if he wants you back.. if he agrees or says he wants you back, then that’s whwn you talk about those
Kat

January 15, 2017 at 7:27 pm

Thanks for the reply!
I have been trying to improve myself by working out more and focusing on my studies. Since we live together how should I first contact him after the 30 days?
Do you also think that he really meant what he said that his feelings have changed?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2017 at 4:14 pm

start by more friendly slowly in person..check this one too:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
Kat

January 15, 2017 at 4:26 pm

Hi Amor,
Yes we currently live together now that we are back at university but we haven’t seen each other much in or outside the house as it is exam period.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2017 at 6:59 pm

ah ok..well, have you been active in improving yourself? If yes, start slowly rebuilding the rapport and attraction after 30 days
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2017 at 4:44 pm

Hi Kat,

you mean you live together now?

Sohurt90

January 13, 2017 at 3:44 pm

How will the no contact rule work if my ex block meeverywhere( Facebook and phone)and everyone else knows connected to me?

sohurt90

January 26, 2017 at 1:59 pm

Nah… I’m at a point where I’m tired of trying and wants to move on for my well being. Only time will tell where his heart at. He didn’t give a real concrete reason why he broke up with me and I can’t spend my time wondering what went wrong. If he comes around then he does… if not my life going to go forward. I love him and I would be open to reconciliation with him, but what he did to for the last few is something I will resent because why would he do this to me; the person who at the end of the day had his back… not even his own family don’t. At this point I love him, but I can’t stand him. Like I said I know he going to come around, but I don’t think I won’t be open to even answering my phone. I’m just feel hurt… 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 8:49 am

ok.. at least you know your limits..that’s good
Sohurt90

January 25, 2017 at 4:31 pm

I know that a very hard thing to accept, but I’m going to. It just I have this gut feeling that he going to come around, but I can’t wait around for that to happen nor get my hopes up too high ( I’m being realistic) . My thing is why haven’t he made the necessary changes of moving on? Like change his relationship status and delete my pictures and it been almost a month. Plus, he calling me from block numbers. Is it too late to reach out and besides he is a very stubborn person lol so idk if he waiting for me to reach out. I mean he did give me straight out leave me alone message back when he send him that message. Does that mean he at least thinking about it? Like I said I barely made no contact with him during this pass few week( I admit I did). I just don’t want to give up on him because I know he going through a lot but also I don’t want to kiss his ass either. Should I go on another no contact rule and after that just move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 11:46 am

if you’re that conflicted, then just reach out so you’ll know the answer
Sohurt90

January 25, 2017 at 3:03 pm

You’re right, and I’m taking the necessary steps of moving on( like enjoying my own company) . I know him, I know that he wants to reach out and I know that he didn’t want to break up( it been a almost a month since our break up and he still haven’t change his relationship status and delete my pictures on his Instagram) . He feel so much pressure given that he feels like nothing is going right in his life( he have low self esteem) and a all I wanted to do is help him. I KNOW that he calling me from blocked numbers on my house phone. I’m not making up excuses, but I think the only reason why he ignoring me is that’s the one thing that irks my soul and he putting a test to clingyness . I want to move on and very hurt that things happen the way it did. I’m not as hurt as I was before, but I truly miss my friend.
Should I just give him a little more time before just completely moving on? If so how long? Amor, in you honest opinion do you just think I’m indenial? He seen my message and I told him I’m not looking to get back together( and I’m not pressing him, but I need to know soon) … at least not now . Also, given that we broke up according to him because of my clingyness how can I redeem myself and show I’m not needy?

A part of me can’t let it go because I understand more than anyone else in his life and he does stuff like this when he under pressure and he completely shutdown( ignoring me) . Because he done something like before, only difference he didn’t do it for as long. Also I feel what make this time difference is he may had people in his ears(which is why he block my number) . The last conversation we had we came to the agree that we were going to take a break and this is his way of doing that ( which why he yet to change his relationship status and delete my pictures off his social media) . All I’m saying is I have a feeling that he going to come around, but I’m worry because it been almost a month.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 4:09 pm

yeah, it looks like you’re indenial but that’s normal with clingy people.. That’s why it gets to the point of being clingy because they cant let go and start to have their own life apart from the other person.. start with having your own routine and living a life that is open to a possibility that he may not come back
Sohurt90

January 24, 2017 at 3:48 pm

So after three weeks of barely attempted to contact him yesterday I wrote him on Instagram. I told him he needs to call me to let me know where we stand once and for all because this mixed signals are killing me and I want to move on . I also told him if he truly wants to break up then I’ll accept it because given that he have yet to change his relationship status and delete my pictures off his IG ( according to my bff) , but I would hate for us to not be friends.I told him I’m not going to pressure him,( I’m working on the clingyness) but I need to know because I don’t want to my hopes up for something that may not happen. Not only he seen my message, but he didn’t block me off IG ( even though I’m still block on FB and number) is that a good thing that he at least seen my message and not flat out dismiss me or told me he doesn’t want me in the DM?

Amor, the future of our relationship is uncertain. I truly mean it when I say we can’t get back together IF he does come back around because we both need work on our individual issues before getting back together is a topic of conversation. Right now I’m focusing on learning to be alone and enjoying my own company. I have a feeling that eventually we going to get back together, but definitely not now. Again I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. I have this feeling in my bones that we are.

Now that he at least seen my message.. what should I do now? If he doesn’t contact me how long should I wait to reach back out to him? And at what should I just give up and move on(because it been almost a month since we spoke)?

SN: I think he calling my house phone from block numbers and he lurking on my FB too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 11:10 am

I think you need to take that as his way of saying you should really move on… and he’s not answering so that someday when he’s sure you have moved on, he can easily reach out.. Now, it will depend on you on when you would like to be friends again.. but maybe take time for yourself for at least a month
Sohurt90

January 20, 2017 at 4:51 pm

Did you get my last post?

I just really need your honest opinion. Should I just give him time to cool down? So far I didn’t have no contact with him nor attempted to contact him officially for 4 days now. My bff DM on instagram (again) and ask him is he just mad at me or do he really wants out? She added either way he needed to call me. She also made this girl his wcw . He reply back “ok” . Since he didn’t give her a clear answer should I take it as a sign that he just mad and wants his space? Or should I move on? Either way I’m still working on myself. I’m so confused because I don’t want to give in on the no contact rule and call him. I want to show him that I’m not needy( since that the reason why he broke up with me) So far, he still didn’t change his relationship status and my pictures are still on his instagram… I need help, Amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 12:55 pm

I dont know your other post didnt shoe up when I replied yesterday.. anyways, let’s say he’s just really annoyed at you,.then you should really do the no contact rule and start your own routine, have your own life so that he doesn’t think your clingy..
Sohurt90

January 19, 2017 at 7:51 pm

You saying I should just move on? As of right now… According to my BFF… he still have those pictures of me on his Instagram and his relationship status on FB still states he in a relationship. In the previous posts … All of this came out of nowhere. I know him he angry about something why text me , keep pictures of me (on social media)and when I call him he let me talk? if he doesn’t want nothing to do with me? Yes, he block me again and last time I check my number( two days ago) is still block. Do you think he just angry or he wants out because like I said the last time we spoke we agree that we should take a break;not breaking up ( SN: I ask why he change his mind from wanting out to still working on our relationship… he told despite how he feels he still wants this relationship and he’s not just doing this to make me happy) but when I call( I kept calling and texting like a maniac:( ) the next day he text me “it over”. The only reason why I keep saying he doesn’t mean it and doing all of this out of anger is because he done it before where he completely shuts down… its different this time because he has pressured coming from everywhere and to add to the insult my clingyness . What should I do going forward? Right now… I’m focusing on myself, but I feel like I shouldn’t give up on relationship because I feel like he doing this out of anger…. he truly just needed a break because all this mix signals are confusing. Should I just give him time?
Sohurt90

January 19, 2017 at 1:46 pm

He block me again on FB . A part of me still wanted this relationship with him, but I really need to work on myself before that can be up for discussion . According to him, I’m clingy and he couldn’t deal with it . How can I redeem myself so we can be on speaking terms again? … Because I really miss my friend. I knows he feels the same way. I really feel like he didn’t mean for us to break up ( even though he told my BFF I should move on). I know him, he tends to say things out of spite and anger. I just don’t know no more.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 20, 2017 at 7:13 pm

it’s really just changing and improving.. if you dont do that first, and if you don’t do it massively and genuinely, if he still sees the old you, there’s less chance of attracting him back..
Sohurt90

January 18, 2017 at 10:03 pm

I haven’t made no attempt to contact my ex since Monday. My best friend DM him Instagram and he wrote her he broke up with me because I’m too clingy and he couldn’t deal with it( they kinda had a back and forth exchange and she told me he kinda was angry) . He also told her we couldn’t be friends either. I have a feeling that he calling me from block numbers on my house phone. Amor, can you please give me your professional honest opinion? Can you tell me if I’m overthinking this because I still have a feeling that he doesn’t mean it. Do you feel like I’m indenial? The only reason why I coming to this conclusion because 1. The last time we spoke we end things off with us trying again by taking a break. 2: although my number is still block, he unblock me from FB and text me his favorite picture of me on Sunday 3: when I call him from a block number twice he actually let me talk. 4: he still have my pictures still up on HIS ( one would think he would delete them if wanted to be single) instagram and 5: my bff during her exchange with him she told wrote him “I’m not your girl(friend) and you need to call your girl ” and surprisely he didn’t snap back by saying… she’s not my girl or nothing along those lines

Do you think he just said he want to break up just to get his space because obviously he fed up with my clingness ( I feel like that was his only way of getting his space because he knows I’m kinda hardheaded lol ) or do you feel like I’m overthinking it and he wants out? Idk what to do… Now I’m just doing the no contact rule, but I need answers because it like he says it’s over, but his actions contradicts those words( except for he block my number) … The mix signals are killing me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2017 at 6:44 pm

he’s probably like that because he’s still used to you being in his life but that doesn’t mean he wants you back..he’s just making it easier fir himself to slowly move on
Sohurt90

January 16, 2017 at 5:36 pm

Hey Amor!

So after making no attempt to call nor text him. He actually text me yesterday one of his favorite pictures of me and unblock me from FB( he like two of my posts) . Although he still have my number block… I had a friend( from a block number) call him( I know lol) he (actually answer.. he knew it was me. I didn’t say nothing so he hung. I’m not going to lie, it angry feeling came over me… What should I do going forward?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2017 at 9:11 pm

dont worry, you can ask anytime! If you’re doing the no contact rule, stick to it..
Sohurt90

January 15, 2017 at 10:56 pm

He just text me.
Sohurt90

January 15, 2017 at 7:04 pm

You’re right, yesterday I manage to call using a different number (I know lol), he actually answer and didn’t right away hang up on when he heard my voice. Although he didn’t say anything, but he let me talk for 3 minutes before hanging up. See the last time we had any contact with each was on Tuesday( where he block my number). The only reason he block me on Facebook is because I text him ( I must admit was like a maniac calling and texting him, which I’m not proud of 🙁 ) if you really wanted this relationship to be over with you would delete me ( I know lol… my judgement was definitely clouded) . I know a lot of this is my fault, but my goal is to at least get on speaking terms with him. Surprisingly, although he told me it was over, he never changed his relationship status on FB nor did he return my stuff. One would think he would’ve given my stuff back already… ESPECIALLY, if he was the one that asked me when I wanted it back.

Maybe I’m overthinking this, but something tell me that he didn’t really mean it when he said ” it’s over” . I admit that maybe at one point he wanted to end things because he needed to figure things out for himself( he suffers from low self esteem) . But going as far as blocking me … I feel like he only did that because I drove him to go to extreme measures so he can get his space. After we broke up… I come to realize that maybe we just needed a break from each other. I still want back, but I feel we need to fix some of our issues in order for that to be up for discussion. I believe that we were meant for each other, but now was definitely not the right time.

My goal now is to get him to speak to me because I miss my friend…. SO PLEASE HELP!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2017 at 3:56 pm

start the no contact period..do at least 30 days.. aim to be the ungettable girl. check this link:
The Ungettable Girl
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 4:53 pm

yes the no contact rule.. there’s no guarantee that it will work but you also have no better choice than toove on if you’re blocked.. And you can’t just stop talking to him..you have to improve yourself

Confused and don't know what to call it...

January 12, 2017 at 2:48 pm

Ok, so here is my situation…It seems like there are way too many stories like mine out there on the internet… Does the NC rule work for the almost relationships? I have been seeing (I guess you can call it that) this guy for about a year and a half. We started out as a casual relationship. I didn’t want anything serious and neither did he. He was getting a divorce and away from a horrible marriage that his wife cheated multiple times and I just wanted to stay single. Months later I fell for him. I eventually told him I did last February and he accepted it. We continued to see each other. There have been about two times were I have tried to end it because of my feelings, but he never wanted to let me go. His feelings never matched mine though. Anyways, last April I tried to walk away again. I agreed to being friends after I heeled. But ever since then it has always seem to be more than that. He likes me more than a friend but not a girlfriend because he does not want a relationship. I always get mixed signals it feels. Sometimes I think he likes me and other times I don’t. He always gave me excuses as to why we can’t be together. Mainly because he wants to move back home to another state in a few years. We talked everyday through texts. Sometimes intimate conversations on his terms just to tease me. Our phone conversations were hours long. When we hung out he was always flirty. I’d catch him looking at me a smiling. He was always very affectionate too. All the little things that us women look into that gets us in trouble. He was my best friend and I was his. We talked about everything and anything. Until recently he seems sneaky. He went out with my girlfriends and me for her birthday. Was very gentleman like. But then he seemed out of his character. Kept running outside of the bar to talk on his phone, wouldn’t take a picture with me, and left abruptly with a side hug. I never got side hugs! I realized then that I was friendzoned. A week before that he kept pulling the friends card as well. I don’t like it. I got the feeling that he is talking to another woman, but he wont admit that because he does not want to loose me as his friend. Well enough became enough for me. I lost my shit on him later that night. I have never done that before. I told him that I cannot be his friend. He blocked me on instagram, I gave him is house key back, and the following day I ended it. I told him that I cannot be just his friend. I told him I am not ok with him dating other woman when he gives me ABC excuses on why he can’t be with me. I refuse to be on the fence any more. I finally respect myself way too much. I told him to contact me when he wants to give me a fair chance. His response was “so we can’t speak to each other if we are not significant others?” and then I went on about how it is unhealthy for me and toxic. Anyways, Days later he messages me through text, How you holding up champ? Please talk to me? Ok, I get it I wont bug you. Keep your pretty head up.” I never responded. Last Friday he reached out to my girlfriend asking how I was doing because I won’t talk to him. She told him why I wasn’t talking to him, because it was torturous and that he won’t give me a commitment and that him seeking me out was only creating false hope. He then said that this whole thing sucks because I am his best friend. He then said to her “I get it, I will leave her alone”, and “make sure she don’t end up with a douchebag “and then proceeded to ask her if “I will ever be his friend again?” She then told him that she didn’t know and ended the conversation. Then he unblocked me off of instagram. It is a slap in my face that he is trying to push me on to someone else. He is the most confusing man and needs to grow up. This i am aware of. I am on 10 days of no contact. I have not heard from him since he spoke to my friend lats. I do think he likes me more than a friend, if not than why would he be so concerned, or why would he hide other people he is possibly seeing from me? Why not be honest if I am just a friend? Anyways, because all of the questions and confusion that I have…does NC even work for this kind of situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 1:40 pm

Hi,

There’s no guarantee that it will work but do you sleep with him?

VAX

January 11, 2017 at 7:12 pm

I just started the NC after being in an 8 year relationship. My ex was my soulmate and it took losing him to realize this. I had not spoken to him in 6 months but he now works with my twin sister as her assistant. I hear about him all the time so I reached out to him and we have hung out recently. We had so much fun and I know he’s still insanely attracted to me. But the following day he sends this text…
“I want to hangout with you and I like talking to you and all of that stuff. I just don’t want you gearing our talking and hanging out towards getting back together right now”..
It stung but I was very positive and said I completely understand. After all of that I purchased the Ex BF Recovery. The exact day I purchased it, he randomly texted me about his day…I followed the rules. I didn’t respond. But what if he decides to never text again. What if he responds by saying “why are you ignoring me?”

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 11:04 am

Hi Vax,

I think it would be better to just say you thought about what he said and you understand and agree that being friends is not workable for you as of the moment.. and then start nc but dont mention for how long

Cat

January 10, 2017 at 8:47 pm

I can see you have already replied! further down 🙂 that chat disappeared on me for a while as I had some issues with my purchase. Thank you!!! Will reply to the thread down on page- 26th Dec.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 11:54 am

ok! You’re welcome!

Momo

January 10, 2017 at 1:07 pm

Will the No contact rule still work if I continue to break it but end up using it properly?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 10:26 am

HI Momo,

There’s a chance but, it will depend on how many times you’ve broken it, what you did during those times. Because the more you nc, the less it can help you.

Nervous

January 8, 2017 at 3:42 pm

Sorry this is long. I’ve purchased Ex Boyfriend Recovery Premium and have begun to read through it, but I wanted to approach you with my situation personally because I fear that these methods may not work for me.
I do believe that in time this relationship can work, with some effort on both sides, I just need to know how I can get him to see that. I truly have never felt a connection with another human being like I did with my boyfriend and I feel with my whole heart that our relationship was not at a point of being over, but rather at a point of mending.
My boyfriend and I had been dating for over eight months when he broke up with me on Tuesday, January 3, 2017. We are both in our third year of school. At home, we live about 35 minutes away from each other, however, during school, where we spend most of our time, we’re about six hours from each other. It was hard. But we made it work. We met on our spring break and were immediately attached to each other, starting our relationship just a month later. He was my best friend, and truly the love of my life.
On Tuesday, he came to my house, and we both just began to cry. He explained how the long distance is too hard and even going two weeks without seeing me was too hard for him and making him really depressed during those gaps where we don’t see each other. We both cried and cried, and I told him that I love him and that this is something we could fix, to no avail.
We had a texting conversation after he left, where we went back and forth with me saying that we could fix it and I would come to him more and that we could see each other more. It eventually ended with us agreeing to take time apart to think about the situation, and then later come back to it. That evening he asked me to FaceTime; however, I was with my friends, trying to distract myself.
The next morning he FaceTimed me and said again that he couldn’t be with me because of the distance while crying hysterically. I’d never seen him cry like this before. I’d seen him cry, but not like this. I hung up after two minutes of saying why are you doing this you aren’t sorry. I gathered my composure and called back.
We had a conversation about the distance, where I finally said: “what is it that is drawing you to this conclusion.” To which he said, everything. I asked him what everything meant. Finally, he revealed what had happened. He stated that he couldn’t take it when I get into passive aggressive or angry moods, where I just stop answering him or one word answer him or lash out at him for no reason. He said that that I am “so hard to read” and it drives him crazy when that happens because he doesn’t know if I am truly mad at him or if I am just in a mood and that it makes him really depressed and he cannot handle it. I apologized profusely hysterically crying, and he continued to cry as well. He said that it really hurts him and he takes it really hard and couldn’t deal with it anymore. To which, I tried to explain that this has happened to me in the past with other people, and it is a fixable problem and how confident I am that I can fix it but he said he couldn’t deal with if any more and doesn’t know how to give it a second chance because it may happen again in the future and he won’t be able to handle it. I told him that I wished he would’ve told me earlier so that I could fix it rather than it coming to the point of us not being together anymore, and he said he didn’t know how to approach it with me. I told him that I’m in contact with my doctors and am seeing my therapist regularly again, he stopped crying for a second and asked me when I was seeing my therapist, to which I said Friday (This is now on Wednesday), and he said how am I supposed to be in this state of depression and known until Friday, that he did not have it in him to wait for me to fix this and then run the risk of it not being fixed. He said to me, what if you do badly on a test and are in a bad mood one day and take it one on me, that he couldn’t deal with that again because it makes him so depressed. He did then coin the distance as being part of it, saying that if we were at school together or had months at home now (like in the summer) to deal with this issue then he would be able to come to me when this was happening and we could talk about it face to face, however we’re not, and it just doesn’t work. He said that if it continues to happen, and we have to break up again, but from six hours away over the phone it’ll make him so depressed, and he won’t be able to deal with the heartbreak.
We basically ended that conversation there. We were both hysterically crying. I was trying, pleading with him, that this is something that I have under control and that I can’t guarantee anything but I’m confident in the solution. He responded that even I just said that I couldn’t guarantee anything. I kept telling him that I love him, and he would say it back, but it didn’t change. He kept saying he understood if I hate him and I kept saying no, I couldn’t. He said he would always have a special place for me in his heart. We ended with a few text messages, on that day (Wednesday), and then again on Friday. On Wednesday I sent a long-ish message explaining how sorry I was for hurting him, that I could never hate him and that I would always have love for him, if our paths crossed in the future it would be a blessing, that I was working on my anxiety/mood issues not just for him but for myself, and that I wished him the best. He responded that that meant a lot, nothing could take away from what we had, and he was sorry for how it ended. On Friday I sent a very long message, apologizing for hurting him again, taking responsibility, explaning all of my anxiety issues completely, explaining specific situations he was addressing in the break up, and telling him how I was fixing them and moving forward. I said all of this so that he would understand what went wrong, and see the solution to the problem. He responded thanking me, saying he was happy I was fixing these issues, but that he needed time to figure out what he wants/what is best for him, that he wanted to be honest and hoped we could remain friends. I said thank you for being honest, that I respect him taking his time, that I wanted to be honest, that I am always here for him, and that I truly hopes he figures all of that out for himself, regardless of whether or not that includes me.
My concern is that he won’t follow the typical trajectory of a boyfriend during the No Contact period. We really were not a superficial couple, the love between us was deep and real, between two adults. I do not see him going through those phases of texting me in a week, then thinking “what a bitch I can’t believe she’s not answering,” to text me again, and so on and so forth.
I just want to know what your thoughts are if this is a fixable situation if I should follow this regular pattern displayed for us in your teachings. Your lessons are wonderfully insightful; I just am nervous that my own situation will not benefit from them. I understand that you receive a lot of emails daily, but if there is any way that you could look at this situation, I cannot tell you how much I will appreciate it. Thank you so much in advance, you are truly saving my life.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 10:10 pm

Hi Nervous,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it doesn’t matter if he texts you or not during nc, what matters most is how much you improve yourself during and after it

Aubrey

January 5, 2017 at 4:58 pm

Should I restart no contact rule if he just saw snapchats (one was a picture of my sister going out and one was of a cat meme that said I like you)!sent a couple days before we broke up (it’s been a week since we broke up). We were in a LDR relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2017 at 5:17 am

HI Aubrey,

nope no need.

Laura

December 30, 2016 at 10:29 pm

I dated this guy for about 3-4 months. I let him lead because he was more into me, so I sat back & took my time, eventually coming around. He was somewhat overwhelming, expressing his feelings, eager to hang out a lot, wanting to introduce me to friends, using pet names now & again. All things that usually have me running, but we had an amazing connection, so I went with it & really came around. Then he had some legit stress/stuff going on & took a step back – I didn’t say anything or push, but eventually brought it up. While discussing it, after he apologized, he basically had a breakdown about not understanding what his issue was because he really wanted to be with me, but wasn’t ready to answer to someone/need to check in or whatever – nothing I had asked for or mentioned! so he didn’t know what to do. And said he thought I wanted more serious – again nothing I even hinted at. He also admitted he had just started talking to someone else. I should have written him off for several reasons, but I had just been on a date myself. And since I wasn’t ready for anything very serious yet either (& his freak out freaked me out), I thought we were on the same page, but it did hurt that he started talking to someone as I was leaning toward wanting something slightly more exclusive minus the title, etc. Fast forward, I had some health problems that really impacted me emotionally. While this was happening, I saw him & acted crazy. I didn’t tell him what was going on because I thought it was too much & at that time I didn’t really get the health stuffs effect on me anyway. Needless to say, I didn’t hear from him after. I sent an apology text a few days later & nothing. I called just short of a month later with a casual apology, explaining my embarrassment & vaguely tried to explain the situation. That was two weeks ago, & nothing. I’m guessing this was his ticket out, & I should quit while I’m ahead?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 31, 2016 at 10:35 am

Hi Laura,

try the no contact rule first, if you decide to move on after it, then go ahead.

Nellie

December 28, 2016 at 1:48 pm

Hey, my 30 day of no contact ended the 23 of December. I wanted to reach out to my ex, but I was afraid he would just think I’m lonely during the holidays. I’ve decided to wait until after I get back from New Years (Jan 3). Is that okay? Or should I wait until a little while after the holidays?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 5:24 am

Hi Nellie

january 3 is ok 🙂

Anon

December 27, 2016 at 4:47 pm

I’m on Day 27 of NC. My ex and I have not texted or talked at all, but I did notice that he still watches ALL of my stories on snapchat. I don’t send him any directly, but he always watches when I post publicly. He also has sent me 3 snapchats since the breakup. I opened them but didn’t respond in any way. One of the photos was to show the view from his new apartment, which is now walking distance from my apartment. Why would he send me that? How does social media come into play with NC? Should I not be posting stories? I know this is stupid but I tried to keep how I posted the same as before so it would appear like I was unaffected, and also so he could see that I’m still going to concerts, hiking with friends, and doing fun things without him. I also have run into some of his family members since the breakup. We hug, say hi, catch up a little, but I make sure never to discuss my ex in any way. Is that bad?

Anon

January 6, 2017 at 10:11 pm

I’m not on Day 37 of NC. I didn’t want to reach out too close to New Years, plus I know he was out of town on a trip. My ex has not reached out at all other than those snapchats a few weeks ago. When we broke up, he said he needed space. Should I break NC now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 4:45 pm

if the goal was just 30 days, yes you can initiate contact now
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 1:20 pm

Hi Anon,

that’s exactly the reason for being active in social media. You need to show you’re holding up and improving and you handled the interaction with his family well..:) that’s very good..

Julianna

December 27, 2016 at 3:21 pm

I am in the middle of NC, today is day 19. I was going for the 30 day rule but I’m not sure if its enough. My ex has not reached out to me once. I am not blocked on any social media but everything is private and he blocked my friends from being able to see anything. Christmas passed and I did not attempt to reach out. I’m doing alright with my personal recovery, posted a nice picture on my facebook yesterday that received a lot of attention but nothing from him. His birthday is coming up, on day 21. Not sure if I should let his birthday pass without a word as well.. I have read how it said not to but this month has alot going on. Last week was his 3 years sobriety- I didnt reach out either. I just dont know if I should let his birthday and new years pass without reaching out as well.

Julianna

December 29, 2016 at 3:59 pm

I read that it won’t mean much because there are probably many more people who are also wishing him so. So not saying anything may make him think of me more, but I’m just afraid he’ll be convinced I’m just a cold bitch who doesn’t care about him anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 11:36 am

Well, it also said that you’re not really meant to greet him because you’re not together anymore. You’re not supposed to care.. it may make him annoyed, but that’s a good sign because why would he expect you to greet?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 12:05 pm

Hi Julianna,

What’s your understanding of why you shouldn’t greet him in his birthday?

Jill

December 27, 2016 at 2:10 am

Hello, I have been in Nc with my ex for three months now. We dated for 3 years on and off. He always broke it off. And always came back begging after me being silent. I tried to reach out after two months and I realized my number is blocked. I did notice he has been posting pictures with two other girls and going out to bars and keeping very busy. But a few days before xmas I sent our dog a toy and his mom a gift, bc our families are close and xmas is hard for his mom bc they lost his sister around xmas time and he also has our dog. His mom just texted me and said merry xmas to you and your family thank you for the gift… and then he texted my mom (which they were very close) he always seems to contact my mom during break ups with me. He texted her the day before xmas and said merry Christmas to you and your family…. after we ended on such bad terms I’m confused if it is really over and the on off cycle is done is he just being nice to my mom? Or is he testing the waters with her.. he also posted an old video I took of him when we were on vacation almost a year ago. And he posted a puppy picture that I took of him and the dog I bought him. Is he missing me or reminiscing? Or am I getting false hope. I’m worried about this been pretty girl that came to visit him from her state..

Jill

December 27, 2016 at 2:12 am

Might I add that he broke up with me bc we had a blow out fight bc I thought I caught him lying. And broke up with me in a text and said I will never change. Which he has said that before.. bc I flipped out during the fight.. also my mom texted him On xmas of a pic of him and his dog when he first got him.. and he just messaged her back and said aw thank you merry Christmas.. it sounds like he is indifferent and just moved on. Or am I overthinking
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 9:35 am

Hi Jill,

it would be better to think that he has moved on rather than have hopes that might be false

Cat

December 26, 2016 at 10:26 pm

Hello!

I just joined here and bought the ex-bf-pro, wondering if the whole thing is too late for me or how I should go about it. Me and my ex were together for a year and suddenly after our summer holidays together, after meeting my father and telling me he loved me, he suddenly dumped me without much of an explanation. The problem is we stayed in contact and decided to try give it another chance, but I caught him sleeping with someone else (not in action but I had to confront him after finding ‘stuff’). This was six weeks ago, haven’t seen him since, we didn’t speak for two weeks, after which our communication resumed (by my initiative), he excused himself over text but I have not ‘forgiven him’ (not a thing to do over text!) We keep sending each other erratic, semi- personal and semi-positive messages, roughly once a day, but it’s all quite draining, and I can’t find a tone I like. I want to try NC for at least 45 days and see how I feel after that. He has said that he tried and misses me, but he could not make things work, and that he wants us to be friends. I don’t know if he is only sleeping with this new girl or what is going on there. I blocked him on FB and Instagram on the day I caught him. I feel quite confused. Do I announce to him that I will go NC and whatdo I say in the text? We always texted a lot in our relationship and have done so since it ended so it would feel strange to just drop off the radar. In reality I guess I am hoping for him to start missing me and decide to pursue me again. Any useful comments? Thank you

Cat

March 16, 2017 at 7:14 pm

Hello Amor,

So, during NC I kind of stopped thinking I wanted my ex back..I kept a diary with a tick for every day I managed, but I thought I would just keep moving on and never reach out to my ex again after the way it ended, so I moved off this plan. But, after two months he reached out to wish me happy women’s day and ask how I was doing, with smileys. I replied three days later with a thank you, saying I was fine and asked ‘and you’? Short and void of emotion or smileys. He must have felt rejected as after five days (!) he wrote back saying ‘Hi, yes I am doing good.’ This was today. Now I don’t know how to proceed…don’t know if you can help me as I did not stick t the deal…but at first I thought I really didn’t even want him back..but I found some feelings deep inside me and would love to not miss this chance. Thank you for any advice!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2017 at 4:36 pm

What do you mean that you didn’t stixk to the deal? How long do you intwnd4 to do nc?
Cat

January 29, 2017 at 11:56 am

Hello Amor!

I am so proud of myself, on day 27 of NC now and have done tremendous work on myself. Will do at least 45 days. Our last exchange was wishing each other happy new year (he initiated and I took 24h to reply, a friendly but distant mirroring message) after which I have heard nothing. My question is..how do I address or manage the other-woman-episode? He excused himself over text before Christmas a couple of times saying he was a bad person and should not have done it. I never said any rude things to him but neither did I forgive him over text. I don’t know what the status is with the new one, rebound I presume. Cat
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2017 at 1:55 pm

dont bring it up in texts and calls because you’re still building rapport.. if he brings it up,.that’s ok. it would be better to talk about that in person
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 4:53 am

Hi Cat,

nope, dont tell him.Just start nc..

Angie

December 26, 2016 at 7:52 am

Hi so this is my second time doing the no contact rule. The first time I only lasted 1 week and 5 days. Oops. Anyways I’m doing it again. & I started the 23 of dec. Here’s a little back ground info, we were together for about a 1 & 2 months. But known each other for about 3 years. We honestly broke up and got back together within 2 weeks, more then 8 times. Before I decided to do the 30 no contact rule again, we were already broken up, but still talking and acting like we were still together & did that for about a month. But I hated that because I felt so stupid and lost. He didn’t want the title of my boyfriend but still wanted me to act and treat him like he was that. & I really wasn’t happy with this situation so I told him I would be leaving, and that I needed time. That I thought we both needed time. So now it’s the 25th, Christmas and he texted me saying “Can we talk about what would need to happen for us to be together? Like, a serious conversation?” And I was just wondering if I could get advice on whether to text him back saying I need more time, or just ignore the text.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 5:26 pm

Hi Angie,

did you reply?

Siera

December 25, 2016 at 10:03 am

Hey, sorry this is long. So my ex broke up with me on October, 24th. We were together 4 and a half years. He also broke up with me through text message, which is very unlike him. He broke up with me twice before. The first time lasted only a day, because he said it hurt him too much. The second time lasted about a month, I stopped talking to him and he actually saw me on a date with another guy and he got really jealous and upset. And texted me immediately after. So we got back together and have been together sense, which would be about 3 years. We moved in together with his brothers and sisters into a town home, 3 hours away from our parents for college. We lived together for a little over a year. We had small fights, but nothing major. I also deal with depression and anxiety and understand now that most of the fights were my fault. I have worked on those problems. Living together we didn’t fight a lot compared to the other couples in the house. The reason behind him breaking up with me is the same for every break up. He doesn’t know about forever. Last year he had given me my promise ring back, which he took back the first time we broke up. Turns out when we broke up this time he had said he was never honest with me, that he only gave me the promise ring back because he thought it’d make me happy. And he only wanted to move in together because he thought it’d make him want me forever, and figure things out. While we we’re together we would talk about marriage and how we want our house to be. He’d even bring up the conversation sometimes not just me. So when we broke up I didn’t know about the no contact rule, I was just worried about fixing things, so I did drive the three hours to try and work things out, because I moved back in with my parents. That didn’t work out, and while we were talking he couldn’t even look at me because he’d start crying. After I learned about the no contact rule, I had heard that it was ok to text him back if he texts you, only if it’s short but make him think your fine. He would text me once every week to “check on me”. Well I bought the ex boyfriend recovery guide and so I started to do that. I was doing good, until I heard that he was talking to a girl that he always goes back to. And i had posted something I shouldn’t of on my instagram story. Well he saw it and he started messaging me like crazy, not being mean but like I had hurt him. I didn’t message him back though until the next night. He had even tried calling me, which isn’t like him. So then I finally broke through and texted him back, and he was so worried that I had changed my view of him, and told me that the only reason he hung out with this girl, and texted her was because he was lonely. And that he wanted talk to me but knew he couldn’t. But said he would stop talking Talking to her. This was the first night for us to talk over the phone. So after that we started talking, even FaceTime each other and we’ve never done that. I should also say we did things on FaceTime, that we shouldn’t of done. I didn’t listen to what the book had said, i messed up and I realize that now. The first couple days or so I did, but then I quit and started talking to him more and more. We would FaceTime, call, and snapchat each other, and text throughout the day. The weird thing is if I would mention me not talking to him as much he would tell me that that scared him, because he doesn’t want me to meet someone else. And said that he was afraid that I would and that he would realize then that he messed up. He also told me that he knows he could be happy with me forever, but he hates having thoughts of wanting to date other girls. He said he would get those feelings sometimes while we were dating. He said he’s so conflicted that he doesn’t know now what to do. While we were talking, if I said we should stop talking so much he would always say that that scared him so much. So I think I’ve told you about everything. That leads me to this. About a week and a half later he said that he has to be honest with me. And told me that he realized what he wants, and that is that he needs to be single, and grow. And maybe in the future if we both want to start over we can, but for right now I think it’s better that we stay single, and work on ourselves. He then unfollowed me on facebook, instagram, and everything else. Because he said it’s too difficult seeing me on social media. I want to know if I messed things up, and if there’s a way to fix things. Thanks!

Siera

January 6, 2017 at 1:36 am

Hi Amor! Thanks for replying! So that night that I wrote this he texted me and I was really desperate and we started texting. I acted like I didn’t care for a couple of days and he got worried. He also got really jealous about this other guy. He was so upset he was calling me and texting me like crazy saying ” Well I guess your just giving up on us? You don’t want to work things out” and so on. So a couple of days passed and I fell in. We even met up the day before New Years, and then spend New Years Eve together. He had told me he wasn’t in a rush to get back together. And just not yesterday but the day before he had told me he didn’t mind being single. And the. Last night I had asked him if he still sees us going in a good direction, and he had paused for a second and said yes it still could. And he said maybe we just don’t need to text as much. I feel like we’re going in a circle. I started the NC rule today, he hasn’t tried messaging me but I know he will. I just feel like I ruined it because he was at first going crazy about me not texting him back and was so scared he had lost me. And now I think he knows that I’ll always come running back, and so he’s okay with being single. And just yesterday he had said it would be hard not to text me. So I guess my questions are if I ruined it? Is it too late for me? Can I still do the NC rule and it possibly work?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2017 at 3:21 pm

I don’t understand. Did you have a talk about your status? Did he know you want him back and then he replied he just wanted to be single? If yes, then you’re right to be distant for now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 2:57 pm

Hi Siera,

you didn’t actually do the no contact rule. You’re only allowed to reply if you had important stuff needed to get, sort out or talk about, kids, emergency or school stuff and work stuff if you work together.. but only about those things.. answering him checking in on you, is not included.. It’s like you’re reassuring him that you’re still there, waiting if he changes his mind about the break up…

E

December 23, 2016 at 6:44 am

Hello – I was in a relationship for four months, and he broke up with me a couple weeks ago. He said although there was nothing wrong with our relationship (never fought, I wasn’t crazy, etc. ), he longer has feelings for me. He said he wanted to keep in contact, and we have been texting since then, nothing needy or begging him back, just both of us sharing little updates on life. In his last text, he even asked how my parents are doing. Is it too late to start NC, and will it seem rude and abrupt if I do?

E

January 2, 2017 at 7:55 am

Thanks for the feedback, Amor. I told him that I realized I’m holding onto hope because I keep feeling like if we tried and put the effort into a relationship, it would work out, which is why I know I need to move on, but in order to do that, I need space and being friends with him is not going to work right now. He responded back a few days later, “I understand what you’re saying. I also agree that with some effort, we probably could make it work but part of (my) problem is that I don’t want to put in the effort which I know sucks to hear and is inconsistent with what I’ve said before and how I acted but I can’t explain why my feelings changed. The only logical conclusion that I can think of is that I was incredibly lonely and so badly wanted to fall in love and believe that all of my feelings were true, until I realized that it was just loneliness making me feel that sense of longing and not genuine feelings of love…” The way he acted before was that he was much more invested and interested in me than I was in him because I initially had my guard up. He even said a couple months in that I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

We met through a dating app, and it looks like he’s back on it. I think I already know the answer to this, and it’s hard to admit and accept, but based on his latest text, it sounds like there is no future chance for us and I should move on – would you agree?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 4, 2017 at 5:25 pm

try doing the no contact rule first and in rebuilding rapport and attraction after. If it still doesn’t work, then at least you know you did what you can before moving on
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 5:48 am

Hi E,

I don’t think it’s too late..but since you’re friends, it would be better to say, it’s not working for you now.. so, you need space to move on.. but dont say for how long you will do nc

Marylouise

December 22, 2016 at 11:27 pm

Can you help me? Im so desperate Im even on google looking for answers. I really dont understand whats going on.

My ex and I dated for 4years. It was really great at first. He was a real gentleman and was always showing me how much he loved me. We were the most confident cute couple.. I thought. I felt really proud being his girl.
It was amazing untill he got a busy job and started school at night last year. He had no time at all for me and our love began to fall apart. It was a lot of stress for us both. In august I broke up with him because he had stood me up on dates for way too many times. I was fed up with it all. He begged me to come back, was super sweet and showed me how much he really loved me. I fell for it. STUPID MISTAKE. It got worse. I found out he was texting a lot with this girl from class. Texting??? My ex hated texting. We only called and almost never text. I was really jealous inside but wasnt showing it at first.
After I caught him talking to her at 2 in the morning while I was at his place sleeping in his bed!!! I broke up with him again. I was so mad and we had a huge fight. This was our first big fight ever. This time he let me go, no begging no nothing.
That broke my heart so bad because I needed answers. I wanted to talk it out. I tried talking to him but the look in his eyes was just cold, he was very distant. I was strong back than and left him alone. After a month he shows up at my house with a rose and sweet words saying how much he misses me. So we talked the whole night and decided to go slow this time. For a few weeks everything went great. He would call me for hours each day and we were laughing again.

But than all of a sudden he starts ignoring my calls. For no reason at all. I got worried and tried to text him. He wasnt even reading my text for days so I went to his house. He opened the door and hugged me like nothing was wrong??? He said he was so busy with school he hadnt even got time to check his phone. Which was weird because his phone was always glued to him. I was so confused but was happy to be in his arms again. He told me he didnt want to lose me but it stresses him out that I dont understand him, that everything he says I take the wrong way. He said I am always mad at him and he missed my sweet personality. So I thought I was the one who needed to change and I felt guilty. (Now I realize how stupid that was)
That night while I was driving home he sends me a lovesong which discribed our love perfectly and he called me his girl again. It felt like I was falling in love with him again like crazy. My heart was beating so fast. I was smiling big time and thought we were good.

But no.. the next day I hear nothing from him. The day after that.. nothing. I was trying to not act so needy so I didnt text or called him either. I saw him online on whatsapp alot, which made me wonder. A few days went by and I was so frustrated and confused. Why wasnt he calling me. So I broke one day and I called him. His phone was busy. An hour later I call again, his phone was still busy. I got furious and just knew he was talking to that girl so I call again. This time it rang but he didnt answer. I mean this is whatsapp call so he saw my missed calls too.
I couldnt sleep at all that night hoping he might call. I was so tired and really didnt know what was happening. I was trying not to send an angry text because I wanted to act like his sweet girlfriend again pfff.
The next night I was scared to call so I text him why is he ignoring my calls.

He called me right away but I didnt hear my phone ring. He than sends me a text ‘so im ignoring??’ I call him back and he says he was just joking. That he is in class and will call me back in 10 min. That was 3,5 weeks ago. He neverrrr called me back. I tried texting calling him like a crazy stalker. I dont know why I did that. I tried stopping myself but I couldnt. I tried sending him a song. I tried being nice. I tried being mad. I tried leaving him alone for a few days. I tried everything to get his attention, but he just reads my texts and doesnt react at all :s.
Why is he doing this?? He never played any games like this before with me. Why cant he just give me one answer?? Its so weird, we didnt have any fight. Why wouldnt you text the woman you LOVED and tell her whats wrong. If he doesnt want me anynore he could tell me right??? Than I could get the closure I need.

Ive been feeling so lost, so broken these days. Nothing hurts more than to be ignored by the one you love. And to not know why.
Just a few minutes ago I send a last text ‘never mind’ , and I deleted my whatsapp and deactivated fb. This is soooo hard.
I dont know if this is childish but I need rest. I want to cry myself to sleep now :(. I will never ever love again.
I know he doesnt love me anymore. Why would you ignore someone you love right??? It would be impossible.This ignoring game has been going on for more than a month now.

Is this hopeless??

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 2:30 am

Hi Marylouise,

it looks like he’s ghosting you. Check this:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

P

December 22, 2016 at 10:14 pm

Hello Chris! I just finished your ebook!

Ive been very depressed these past 4 days because my boyfriend of 5 years and 5 months just broke up with me. He wasnt perfect but he was a good boyfriend to me. He was a very nice man. He broke up with me because he thinks his feelings are not the same as before and said that he has been reassessing it for weeks. He told me he doesnt want to continue our relationship if he feels for me that way because it’s very unfair on my part. He told me that he liked someone in his workplace but theyre not in a relationship, he doesn’t see his future yet with that girl, he doesnt love her, but right now he likes her more than he likes me. He told me he found in her the spark we have lost when we were courting, and this idiot just wont believe me when i told him that long term relationships really experiences this.

He told me that he wanted to fix himself so bad, alone. He has been having financial problems lately with his family, his job is not yet stable, he has no savings yet and he’s already 28, and he feels like his ego has been challenged every time he goes out with my family and my family treats him. He feels like he’s a failure.

He told me that he stopped pursuing her(the other girl) the other week. Because he felt so bad for cheating on me. He was never the kind of person to cheat. And he can not forgive himself and he can no longer continue to fix his relationship with me because he feels like he no longer deserves me after all that he has done. That he can no longer look at me the same way because he will always feel ashamed and that I will use it against him someday. That he will be branded as that kind of man who cheats even if thats not really his personality. Thats why he wanted to fix himself.

I still love him and every single minute, im breaking into pieces. I love him so much that i have forgiven him immediately the moment he told me everything. I wasnt even able to get mad at him that day he told me everything. I even told him to learn to forgive himself because i have already forgiven him even if i know i shouldn’t and should be mad at him but i can’t.

I’ve been extremely devastated these past few days. I feel so rejected. I feel like he has forgotten my value. But i also know he doesn’t because he told me he feels like he wouldn’t deserve me forever for what he has done. So the other day, i went to their house because… he wanted to tell me everything. The only reasons he gave me on our first day of breakup was that he wanted to focus on himself and his family and second, his feelings are not the same. But being a good investigator that i was, i found out that he has been.. uhh im not so sure with the term.. but i know hes not yet courting her but maybe theres mutual understanding. So thats when i told him that i knew because a contact from a company where he works confirmed to me that he sees him with this girl. So he demanded that we meet so he can tell me everything because thats what i deserve. Soo he told me everything and he asked me to think about it. If i still want to continue the relationship and try, knowing that he’s feelings are no longer as strong as before plus the fact that he made a terrible mistake towards me. He even told me he only sees him a friend. Fuck that! I asked him if he will try his best, he told me there’s no assurance that his feelings will be brought back. I was extremely hurt. And i told him that i will miss him. And when i asked him if he will miss me, he said that he doesnt know. He will only know if im already gone and that in a few days of our breakup he wasnt feeling that yet.

I am so puzzled because on our first day of breakup, he asked me that if ever he will already be fixed, if there will be any chance of us getting back together again next year? I answered, ‘maybe’ ‘idk’ and ‘we’ll see’ . Then i asked him, but what if he’s already in love with someone next year. He told me i got a point and asked me what if im the one who’ll be in love with someone by the time he realizes that the lost feelings for me are back. And he also said sorry because he told me that breaking up with me is the only way he can do to fix himself and that he can not do it if he’s committed.

I asked him if he will pursue this girl that he wants but he told me hes not yet sure and he’ll see whatever happens.

He has assured me that he really wanted to fix himself. I believe him but at the back of my mind, i’ve been thinking if he only said all these to get rid of me so that he can start a relationship with this girl. Although im kinda convinced that he was also very guilty of what he has done and has hated himself bevause of that and stopped pursuing rhe girl last week because he wanted to stop being the man he really wasnt(which is being a cheater). But also broke up with me because feelings arent the same anymore and cant fix things with me for now because he can no longer look at me knowing that he made that mistake.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling so shattered. I wanted to talk with my friends but they were asleep so what i did was i messaged him and told him i was very much in pain etc. i told him i was sorry for messaging him and he told me it was okay. Then told me that maybe i should stop communicating with him because itll be harder to move on if i dont. He also said that i deserve someone better etc etc (and it hurts me because why cant he make things right and be the better man he thinks i deserve). I told him that ive beem planning to stop my communication but i messaged him because i got no one to talk to and my friends were asleep and he said he understood. But i no longer replied to his message just so he’ll be the one who has sent the last text.

I have finished reading your ebook and i wanted to seek more advice. Your ebook was great and i am feeling better. I am thinking that if i may not be successful in getting him back, i might be successful in putting myself together. Besides, i have been meditating and deep inside i have always know that there are so many reasons why we shouldn’t be together and that maybe God is just answering my prayers to save me from future pain. But theres a big part of me that really wants him back and then i’ll decide if i want him back too only when he shows signs of wanting me back. Its just that my ego has been hurt because he has decided to end this relationship on his own. We could have prevented this if he told me that things between us have been starting to dry instead of pursuing this girl. I told him that couples in long term relationships really experience this loss of feelings but that doesn’t mean it isnt there. We just needed to spark it up. He doesn’t seem to get it! He also told me that i am the only woman he loved the most in his entire life.

Please give me some advise… your thoughts on what i told you.. and also answer my questions please

Questions:
1. We dont text that much. We have different working times. He works at night and i work on normal hours. So everyday, our exchange of messages are just.. hey im home. Or im already at the office. Okay, i love you. Etc. we only see each other on sundays. But we really had an intimate and close relationship. We loved each other so much and we have already planned of marrying eavh other. We are close to each others family. His mom, dad, and siblings and I were crying like crazy when i said my goodbye to them the other day. They can not believe it! So my question is, if i stay religious with the 30 day no contact, do you think he will miss me?

2. We never unfriended each other on facebook and instagram. We still have each other’s pictures. He asked me on our first day of break up if we can remain friends. I said yes. Is that right to answer him that way?

3. So since i was extremely sad, my best friend gave me a chocolate and a balloon with my first name’s letter. Then my mom gave me a stuffed toy and my bro gave me a book. I was thinking if it’s okay to post all these with the caption ‘thank you’? Maybe he’ll think i have admirers? And how many days after breakup should i post that?

4. I have always been a confident woman. So when you advised that i should be to become na UNgettable one, what more shall i do? He’s the one between us who is not so confident. I did talks on public etc etc and i have always been confident.
Except lately when we were taking pics together and i kept on saying i looked like a trash and he told me why i kept on saying that.

5. After 30 days of no contact, and i start sending him a text, will he think that i havent moved on with him yet and i still kept on thinking about him if out of the blue i text him i have a confession to make.. then say stuff that are not really very controversial like ( i saw this and reminded me of you etc) will it not make him cringe knowing that ive been thinking of him still?

6. What if he greets me merry chirstmas or send me a message on facebook?
Shall i make sure he knows i have read it nut no plans of replying, or leave the message at unopened at all)

7. I have always taken care of myself physically in our whole 5 year relationship so i do not know what else to do. Like take care of myself more and be more attractive that how i used to be?
I have always known im a good catch. I do not want to be arrogant but i have always been a good girlfriend to him and people have been telling me that i really am an ideal girl. (Oh gosh so sorry but i have to tell you this because you advised we have to think this way too). The people around us and I believes that he wouldnt find someone else like me.

8. What if he doesnt miss me after 30 days of no contact. I wll extremely be devastated again. What if he’ll be busy with this girl and this 30 day NC is ineffective? What do you think?

9. I have been currently investigating the name of this girl he was so into in their office and do you think i should pursue my investigation? Should i check the girl’s fb profile?

10. He loved ramen! We never had ramen when were together because i wasnt a fan. Maybe only a couple of times but hes the only one who ordered. If i go out with a guy friend and i post that we are eating ramen because he convinced me do you think it will have an impact on him?

11. He loves shoes and this adidas nmd. I can defo afford it but never bought one bevause i am thrifty. If i buy one for myself do you think he’ll be interested with the photo?

12. Is it okay to post photos of his siblings and me if we hang out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2016 at 9:55 am

Hi P,

long term relationships does lose the spark sometimes but you cant convince the other person by just telling them that’s it’s a phase. If he saw the other girl as a grass is greener case, the means the relationship probably got boring and lacked variety. Dont over think doing the no contact rule..Just do it. Dont answer if hr greets or messages, unless it’s about an important matter or emergency, and just live your life.. have your own life by having your own routine apart from him and do new things

Rachel

December 21, 2016 at 8:53 pm

My ex and I broke up about a month ago. She said she no longer felt the same and told me that she was completely done. She now has a new girlfriend. is there any chance at all to get her back? The situation is a bit complicated and very lengthy but moral of the story is i still have hope even though I don’t think I should anymore.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2016 at 11:18 am

Hi Rachel,

she fell out of love with you?? how long were you together? do you want to try the no contact rule?

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