Welcome to episode 38 of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.
Wow, this turned out to be the longest episode in the history of the podcast at just a tad over 40 minutes.
Weird, right?
A pregnancy episode being the longest one.
Well, as it turns out I have a lot of experience in dealing with pregnancy.
What’s my experience?
Well, the first success story I ever had in helping a woman get back with their ex was with a woman who was pregnant. The other type of experience I have had with dealing with pregnancy is the fact that right now my wife is pregnant.
Yup…
We are expecting a baby girl and as a result of this I have had a lot of experience in seeing the pregnancy emotions firsthand.
Why is this important you ask?
Simple, it allows me to really inform you as to what is going on in an ex boyfriends mind if a breakup does occur while you are pregnant.
But enough of this stuff…
Lets get to the actual situation at hand.
Today we are going to hear from a woman who didn’t feel comfortable giving her name so we are going to call her “anonymous.”
Anonymous has found herself in a bit of a pickle.
- She has just found out that she is pregnant
- She is highly emotional due to her pregnancy
- She dated her ex for a total of 4 months
- They had amazing chemistry and went very fast
- SHE broke up with him over a silly argument
- He shut down after that
- She feels like she can’t lose him
Lets take a look at some of the things I am going to cover in this episode.
What I Talk About In This Episode
- Pregnancy emotions & how they are a real thing
- Considering an exes perspective
- What goes through his mind during pregnancy
- My first success story
- Pregnancy & The No Contact Rule
- Tide Theory
- Being level headed
- The importance of check ups
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
The Game Plan
If you are pregnant and are trying to get your ex back then there is a relatively simple game plan that I want you to follow.
The game plan is divided up into four parts.
- The No Contact Rule
- Tide Theory
- Level Headed-ness
- Check Ups
Lets go down the list one by one and talk about these four parts.
The No Contact Rule
It’s a bit harder to do during pregnancy but it can still be done.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe only big change you are going to have to make is that you are allowed to break NC if he reaches out and wants to know about the baby or things of that nature.
That’s it though.
Tide Theory
I’ll admit…
This one is a little too hard to explain in a short little write up.
My best recommendation is that you pick up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO as the process is explained there.
Level Headed-Ness
It is important to stay level headed if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back.
Now, I do realize that this is a pretty big ask of a pregnant woman but you are going to have to try.
The Check Ups
In this episode I talk about how check ups are the perfect excuse to get an instant date.
In other words, a check up is almost like a built in date if you use them the right way.
Besides, what person can resist seeing a baby on an ultrasound for the first time.
Podcast Transcript
Welcome to Episode 38 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today we’re going to be covering an interesting topic about pregnancy. Before we get into that, I want to talk to you about some of the things that I’ve been working on behind the scenes.
As you know, over the last few podcast episodes, I’ve been talking specifically about this coaching idea that I had. It seems that my wife and I are going to do some personal coaching for some of the men and women from both Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and Ex-Girlfriend Recovery. Right now, I’m going to be running a test trial in a month or two, depending on a number of factors, which I’ll explain to you a little bit later in this podcast.
I’m going to run this one-month trial to see how long it’s going to take. The coaching will not be too expensive. It will be a couple hundred bucks. You’re going to get way more value than anyone out there is giving you. There will be a time constraint on my part because I’m going to guarantee a response at least once every 24 hours. I want to give you a heads up and tell you that is still a go. I’m still working on that.
In addition to that, I’m working on a few other things. I’m going to tell you a story about the early days of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. When I had the idea for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I didn’t necessarily think it was going to be a success. I looked around. I couldn’t find any other blogs out there that specifically dealt with helping women get their exes back. There were one-page websites that had five or six articles total, but I couldn’t really find a website that I wanted to create.
Nevertheless, I went out there and created it. So far, it’s been doing pretty well. I have an ebook, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I have a podcast, which you’re listening to now. Every week, the site is updated with either 5,000 to 7,000 word in-depth articles on a particular situation. My goal with Ex-Boyfriend Recovery is to create this ultimate resource that women can come to in order to help them with their breakup.
Originally, when I was thinking about writing a book, I wondered why no one had ever put together something that was like a dictionary of texts that someone could use in a situation to get their ex back. I came across a few other programs that claimed to have that.
They said, “In any situation, you can pull out this book and there will be a number of text messages that you can use. It will help you get your ex back.” When I did research for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and I was looking into these things, I found that there was nothing out there really like that. There was no true dictionary of text messages. There was no texting bible on what texts to follow to get your ex back. The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize it is a monumental task to create something like that.
The more I began to think about it, I thought, “That would be an incredible resource for women to utilize. It could be a massive texting bible they can use to get their exes back.” Recently, I’ve been working on creating one. That’s the idea behind it. I can’t guarantee that it will be perfect.
I’m going to do my best to include text messages for how to deal with almost any situation that you can think of. The whole purpose of the text bible that I’m creating is that I want it to be a cheat sheet. If your ex texts you something and you don’t know what to respond, you can pull out this book and use it. I’ve been working really hard on that.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYesterday is when I started writing it. I’m getting some help from a few outside sources to complete it so that it’s high quality. There will be well over hundreds of text messages. There will be examples of what to do and when to use a text as well as the principle behind the texts. I’m excited to get that out there. I think it’s something a lot of you really want.
If you’re looking to buy a product, this would be the type of product that you want. I’m going to create it for you. This is a heads up. I’ll be giving you details through the podcast and the email list, if you signed up for the Kai versus Sarah case study. You’ll be getting periodic updates on the texting bible that I’m creating. If that sounds like something you’d be interested in, please leave a comment in the comments section for the show notes of this episode.
Let me know if this is something you would be interested in. I’m pretty sure that I already know the answer because I get so many women who contact me on a daily basis. They say, “My ex-boyfriend sent me this text. What should I respond?” I’m creating the ultimate resource for that. It will not be as expensive as Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. That is a total of $47.
I do not want to make the text bible that high of a price range. I’m going to try to make it a little more affordable for people who are interested in getting the bible. I’ll give you a few updates here and there about it. Hopefully I’ll have another update for you in a week or two. I’m hoping, by the end of this month, I will have this entire thing done. It’s a lot of work. If I ignore any of you in the comments or your voicemails, just know that I’m working on a resource to try to help you out.
Today we’re going to be talking about a situation involving pregnancy. The person who left me a voicemail didn’t give her name. We’re going to call her Anonymous for now. I’m going to play her message for you. She’s talking really fast. It might be hard for some of you to hear her. Know that I will be going over her situation after you hear from her. I’ll give you a recap.
Let’s hear from Anonymous right now:
“Hi, Chris. Right now, I’m pregnant and highly emotional, which is unlike me. This guy and I had been dating for four months. Everything was great. We have major chemistry. Everything went quickly. We professed our love and made things official only a few weeks ago. We got in a couple minor disagreements but they were quickly resolved.
The last disagreement was my fault. I was rude. I lashed out and I broke up with him. Like I said, I’m highly emotional right now because of the pregnancy. Two days later, I apologized but he said it was too late. Things got rather mean. He asked for his things back and he shut down. I found out after the breakup that I’m pregnant.
I wasn’t going to tell him in hopes of not seeming desperate, but I did. He’s still ignoring me. It has been a full week since I saw or spoke to him. I did text him a few times at first before I found out, and then yesterday. I just don’t understand how he could totally change and treat me like that even after I apologized over something that now has a legitimate explanation.
Please let me know what I need to do. This is unlike me to be in this situation. I’m not really myself right now because of the pregnancy. I can’t lose him. I need his help. I know he probably thinks I’m crazy because I did tell him I was pregnant, but he knows me. He knows that I’m not like that. Thank you.”
Thanks for your question. I’m really happy to answer it. It seems like you asked this question a few days ago. I’m a little bit late to answer it. Just know that I’m going to do everything in my power to help you out.
First, I want to congratulate you on your pregnancy. This is a topic that’s very near and dear to my heart for a couple of reasons. We’re going to go back in time before Ex-Boyfriend Recovery was created. I’m going to give you some of the historical references that came about to create Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. Before I created Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I had a friend who got pregnant with her boyfriend. Her situation almost mirrored yours exactly.
The only difference is that she didn’t break up with her boyfriend, her boyfriend broke up with her. A day or two after the breakup with her boyfriend, she found out that she was pregnant from him. She found out that she was pregnant and she did what you’re trying to do. She wanted her ex back more than anything. I had a front-row seat to witness everything that happened during that time period.
She ended up getting back with her ex. It took seven or eight months. It was towards the end of the pregnancy that she ended up getting him back. With a lot of the principles that I talk about on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I always think back to that situation. That was something that I had front-row seat for.
I didn’t really advise her. I was more listening. I did feel bad for her situation a little bit. It can be difficult when you hear someone’s in trouble and not at least offer your opinion. I offered a few of my opinions. She followed the advice and was lucky enough to get her ex back.
I do have experience with your situation, Anonymous. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t know what I’m talking about. I doubly have experience with your situation because, as we speak, my wife is pregnant. She’s been pregnant for 30 weeks now. I can’t remember the exact number. I can definitely sympathize with you when you say that you’re highly emotional.
That’s a pregnancy symptom. It’s something that there is a legitimate explanation for, like you said in your message. I’ve witnessed firsthand the pregnancy emotions and some of the things that go along with it. I have to say, my wife is absolutely incredible. There were only one or two times total during the pregnancy when I thought to myself, “The pregnancy has a hold of her emotions.”
For the most part, she’s been very calm, cool and collected. She thinks about me a lot and tries not to start things over trivial matters that a lot of other women would probably succumb to. I want to take a moment to thank her for that. She’s made my life way easier. The one thing that I was not expecting was just how bad the morning sickness aspect of pregnancy can be.
Morning sickness is not a really good term to describe what women go through in the first trimester. It turns out, it’s more like an all-day sickness. In the movies, you watch a pregnant woman throw up in the morning. Then she’s good for the rest of the day. In real life, that’s not actually the case. What really happens is that you could feel nauseous the entire day.
You could throw up throughout the entire day. It doesn’t go away until probably the second trimester. They say that the second trimester is this period where you feel better than you’ve ever felt. I don’t think that’s entirely true. The reason why women say that the second trimester feels so much better than the first trimester is the fact that they felt so bad during the first trimester that, even getting back to normal feels like some sort of huge deal.
With all of this stuff going on in the first trimester for you, Anonymous, it’s very understandable that your emotions are all over the place. Unfortunately, your ex doesn’t really understand this. My wife and I are married. We planned to have a child. We knew it going in. It’s not like either one of us were unprepared for it.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI sympathize with you. I can understand your pregnancy emotions. From your message, I can tell that you’re a little rushed and frantic. You really want your ex back. We’re going to approach this from a “get your ex back” position. I’m going to try to tailor a game plan towards your situation.
I wrote down your situation. For those of you who are listening and you didn’t get a good grasp of her situation, here’s a quick recap. Right now, anonymous is pregnant. She’s highly emotional, which she says is not normal for her. She feels like she’s a grounded person normally but the emotions are out of whack.
Now she’s having trouble staying consistent emotionally, which is very understandable. I really do get it, Anonymous. I’m not here to criticize you. I’m here to sympathize with you and tell you my thoughts on how you can get your ex back.
You dated your ex for four months. There was incredible chemistry. You went super-fast. You got into an argument and you broke up with him. He shut down. You found out you were pregnant. You told him you were pregnant. The whole situation is a mess.
The first thing I’d like to do is talk a little bit about your ex. You broke up with your ex-boyfriend. When I look at breakups with women, there are two categories that you can go into. You either initiated the breakup or he initiated the breakup. I’m not a big believer in, “We both agree to break up amicably.”
I think, usually in those cases, there is one person who really dictates that. Even though you say, “We broke up together. It was a joint decision,” usually, one person wanted it more than the other. That’s been my experience. If you disagree, feel free to fry me in the comments. I don’t mind.
When I look at these two situation, either you broke up with your ex or he broke up with you. When I think of getting an ex back, I always think it’s easier for the person who broke up with her ex to get the ex back. Right now, this puts you in a very good position.
But let’s consider his perspective. You’re wondering why he’s acting the way he’s acting. Let me explain it to you. Three things happened. Number one, you broke up with him. That always creates resentment in men. Why? I know this is not a common thing for men to talk about, but I’m going to talk about it. Men are just as sappy as women when it comes to relationships.
Don’t believe that they’re not. Deep down, we want a woman who is going to be supremely dedicated to us, who will never falter, who will never threaten to break up even if we threaten to break up. We want someone who’s going to be there for us 100% of the time. The mere fact that you broke up with your ex-boyfriend, Anonymous, means that you’re not that for him.
In other words, you broke up with him. He worries that, if he ever gets back with you, you’ll do it to him again. He’ll feel hurt again. His worry is that you’ll get into this endless cycle where, you get back with him, but when something goes wrong, you threaten to break up. Then you break up with him. It just goes on and on. Believe it or not, men do not want that. There is going to be resentment from him.
He might think, “You broke up with me. I’m not good enough for you.” or “You broke up with me after some silly fight. We’re supposed to work through this kind of stuff together. What’s wrong with you?” These are common objections that he’s going to have if you end up talking to him. You’re going to have to overcome them. One of the ways that we can explain some of his behavior is that he’s resentful towards you.
Let’s move on to the bigger issue. You’re pregnant. This is the first child I’ve ever had. I’m not going to lie. It can be a little bit scary at times. Anytime you do something for the first time, you’re always scared.
I like to think back to the first time I entered college. All throughout grade school, you’re usually in the same school, in the same town. You know the same people. You move from sixth to seventh grade. Usually, you get a new class but you’re around the same schoolmates. These schoolmates follow you all the way up until you graduate from high school.
When you go to college, it’s different. The classes are different. It’s a completely different feel and experience. When you go into a classroom in college, there are two versions of a classroom, in my experience. You can either go to class two times a week or take a class one time a week but the class is extra-long. It’s a three-hour class. I would always do the one time a week three-hour class. It was a whole different experience for me. Before I went into it, I had a mental breakdown because I had never done it before. I was scared.
I look at men who are having children the first time in the same way. Men often say, “My life is over.” That’s not really true. When it comes down to having a child, your life is not over. It’s just beginning. My wife always tells me these funny stories about the men who have children that she talks to at work. They always have a similar story.
They say, “Before my wife or girlfriend got pregnant, I didn’t want kids. But now that I have one, I’m obsessed with them. I love my son or daughter more than anything in the world.” There is something beautiful about creating a human being who is a miniature version of you.
Right now, what I think is happening with your ex is compounded by the fact that you just broke up with him. He’s resentful about the breakup. He’s also very frightened. He probably has this mentality that his life is going to be over because you’re pregnant.
He’s thinking, “My free time is gone. I’m not going to be able to do what I used to do anymore. I have to worry about a child. Will I have to pay money?” That’s a hot topic with men who are financially motivated. Will they have to pay child support? There is probably a lot going on in his head that’s causing him to run away from the situation, Anonymous.
There is one more thing I’d like to talk to you about with regards to your ex and looking at things from his perspective. The first thing we talked about is the fact that you broke up with him. He’s resentful about that. The second thing is that you’re pregnant. The common association that men have with pregnancy is that their life is going to be over. I imagine that he’s experiencing some of that.
The third thing is the fact that everything happened so quickly. He only dated you for four months. It happened quickly. You were in love quickly. Then you burned out quickly. Now you’re pregnant. Everything is happening super-fast. When a human being goes through a lot of change in a very short amount of time, it can be very jarring.
I’ve experienced this myself. For the longest time, I lived at home. I had the same friends. I saw my parents every single day. Then when I met my wife, I had to move across the country for her. I was based in Texas. She was based in Pennsylvania. The only way that our relationship could work was the fact that I would have to move from Texas to Pennsylvania to get her.
In my mind, when I was in Texas, I thought that this move would be a super easy thing. It turns out that it wasn’t. It was difficult going from comfort to something that was a little uncomfortable at first. I’m comfortable now but I’ve been here for a year. I’m used to it here now.
In the year that I moved here, my wife and I got married. Now we’re having a child. That can be a little jarring for someone. I’m probably better equipped to deal with his kind of stuff. Some men are stronger than others, and I’m going to stroke my own ego here.
I imagine, for your ex, the fact that you broke up with him, you’re pregnant and everything is happening so quickly all compounds and causes him to run away from the situation. In my opinion, that’s what’s going on in his head. I don’t see any other thoughts that he could have. These are the main thoughts that are going to stick with him.
Let’s move on to figuring out a game plan for you. Let’s figure out how you can move from point A, where you’re pregnant and alone, to point B where you get your ex-boyfriend back and have a beautiful family together. I don’t want to get your hopes up because I cannot guarantee that everything I’m going to talk about here is going to work. But I will guarantee that, if you do follow this advice to a T, your chances will become better. You will have a better chance of getting your ex back. I’m not just basing this off knowledge that I’ve read about or heard. I’m basing this off real-life experience.
I’ve had experience dealing with pregnant women. I think I can get inside the mind of a man who has a girlfriend or wife who is pregnant better than most experts out there. I’ve also dealt with a situation where a friend of mine was pregnant and ended up getting her ex back. I’m going to use all of my knowledge to help you get from point A to point B.
We’re going to do four things. The first thing is that you’re going to want to utilize the no contact rule. I know that it’s harder to do if you’re pregnant because you will be having lots of checkups throughout the pregnancy. There are a lot of pregnancy checkups for a reason. You’ll be giving blood the very first time. Your first real checkup will require you to give blood. You’ll have to pee in a cup a lot.
You usually go once a month until you reach a certain point. Then you go once every other week. Then you go once a week. When you’re getting very close to your due date and the baby is still not here, you usually go every day. It’s like a sliding scale. You start off going just once a month. Then you go every other week. Then you go every week. Then you go every day.
These are going to serve as opportunities down the road for you to see your ex. I’m assuming you are very early in your pregnancy. Right now, the 30 day no contact rule is an ideal thing to do. You will only have to go to the checkups one time a month at this point. I imagine that it’s early on in the pregnancy and you’ve haven’t seen the doctor yet. Usually you have to wait about six to eight weeks before you see the doctor for the first time in case there are any complications. We’re seeing the doctor every other week at this point.
I want you to do the no contact rule with one little twist in there. If your ex does contact you during the no contact rule and brings up the baby at any point, you are allowed to break the no contact rule and respond to him. Just be very cordial and short. Don’t engage in any other topics. If he talks about your relationship or anything other than the actual pregnancy, do not engage him. Just don’t respond. If you can, please refrain from talking on the phone with him. Keep it to text messages at this point.
I want him to feel the fact that there’s something wrong. Eventually, his man wiring is going to kick in. He’s going to think, “I need to provide for my family.” Trust me, this is very strong wiring. It’s very scary and jarring wiring. This is coming from a man whose wife is pregnant right now. It’s there. The wiring will happen after he gets out of this state of shock.
For 30 days, try to do the no contact rule with the limitations I gave you as best as you can. After the no contact rule, I want you to implement something I like to call tide theory. Tide theory is a bit complicated to explain.
I’m not quite sure I can explain it in this episode without talking for an hour and a half. It’s that complicated. The best piece of advice I can give you here in regards to tide theory is to pick up my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. That will explain the way you need to structure your text messages when you’re trying to get your ex back.
For those of you listening who may be pregnant or are interested in getting your ex back and you want to learn more about tide theory, pick up the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro ebook. I’ll link to it in the show notes. I’ll give you a quick crash course on tide theory. When you walk on the beach, there’s a low tide and a high tide.
It usually starts out low and becomes high. If you walk on the beach, you see that there’s a low tide. By the end of the day, there’s a high tide. You watched the water move from low tide to high tide. It’s not like there’s any one moment when it goes from zero to sixty. When you’re texting your ex, you don’t go from zero to sixty right away.
You don’t go from doing the no contact rule to calling him up and asking for a date or begging for him back. You have to do it in increments. You go from zero to five, from five to ten, from ten to fifteen, from fifteen to twenty-five, and so on. It’s an incremental process. You need to implement this type of thinking in your text messages. You’re not going to text him 64 times, right off the bat.
You’re going to text him one time, then two times and then three times, as the days go on. You’ll progressively get into deeper, more meaningful conversations with him. This is the premise of tide theory. This is something that I really think you should implement, Anonymous. Go pick up my ebook if you haven’t already.
Next I’d like to talk to you about being more level headed. This is probably going to be the hardest thing for you. I don’t think you’ve hit the morning sickness part yet, but when that happens, trust me, you will not be level headed. You will be even more emotional and upset than you already are.
For the most part, when you’re engaging with your ex, do your best to try and stay level headed and not take anything he says or does personally. A lot of the emotions that you’re experiencing right now are going to be magnified. Right now, you’re experiencing a lot of hurtful emotions. We want you to be as level headed as possible throughout this process. The more emotional you get, the more risk you run of getting into an argument or having a setback. We don’t want any setbacks.
Try your very best to remain as level headed as possible. I realize that’s a difficult ask for a pregnant woman. I get it if you’re not able to. I’m going to warn you, I’m looking at this purely from the perspective that you’re trying to get your ex back. If you’re trying to get your ex back, level headedness is an asset. Emotional is not. Being level headed is an asset. Being emotional is not.
Step one was to do the no contact rule with the limitations that I gave you. Step two was to implement tide theory after the no contact rule. Step three was to remember to be level headed.
Step four is something that is unique only to you. You have the ultimate excuse to see your ex-boyfriend in person. It’s almost like you don’t have to work for a date because of these checkups. I explained how the checkups work. It usually starts with once a month and then goes to every other week. Then it goes to four times a month and progresses to every single day.
This is the premise of tide theory, in a nutshell. It starts off slow. This is done by your doctors to monitor the child. It’s also the perfect excuse to see your ex and have an instant date after the checkup. You’re going to do your best to influence him enough during these checkups to get an instant date afterwards.
There is nothing like seeing your baby on an ultrasound for the first time to bond two people closer together. Some men might be scared at first. Just bear with it. I recommend to get one of the 4D ultrasounds when you’re 28 to 32 weeks pregnant. It is the coolest thing ever. It will really bond you and your ex together. There’s nothing like seeing your child in the womb. There’s nothing like it. As a man, you’re proud. You think, “I made that. That’s a version of me.” We’ll play on to this.
Use these checkups to not only see your boyfriend but to rebuild chemistry with him. I know that’s general and I didn’t go into specifics of what you need to do during the checkups, other than the fact that you need to build up chemistry and attraction. You can ask me more questions in the comments.
I hope I helped. I hope I gave you some insight into your pregnancy, your ex and what he’s thinking about during your pregnancy. I feel really proud that my wife is pregnant. I can honestly say that I know a thing or two about getting an ex back if you’re pregnant.
I’m probably better equipped than anyone currently online right now because my wife is going through pregnancy. I really hope I helped. If you have any questions or comments, please comment in the show notes of this episode. I really enjoyed talking today.
If you’re interested in the texting bible idea that I’m writing about, please let me know in the comments. Anytime I see a comment from you, encouraging me to do something, for example if someone says, “I’m interested in the coaching idea,” I get really fired up and want to write more of the sales page or the process that I’m going to implement when I’m coaching people.
If you tell me that you’re excited or you want a book that is a dictionary of the text messages you can use to get your ex back, I’m going to be so fired up to write that thing that it will get done faster. If you’re interested in that, please let me know. It really does help.
That’s going to do it for today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Even if you’re not pregnant and you’re listening to this, there are a lot of valuable nuggets in this episode. Please go back and re-listen to it. That’s going to do it for today.
Joy
April 18, 2022 at 1:59 pm
This is article made me feel better about my current choices. Im 13 weeks pregnant and in the middle of no contact. I had my tubes tied three years ago so pregnancy wasn’t on the radar. The father and I dated for 4 months. We were long distance, because he just got stationed a few hours away, when he asked me to be exclusive (which he suddenly doesn’t remember). We got into a few arguments about were we stood so I broke up with him in an emotional meltdown over text. I told him I was going to get an abortion but I couldn’t go through with it. At that point he said he wanted distance. We haven’t talked in a few weeks now. I almost broke no contact but I know that I need to focus on my peace and emotional well being. I have an older son with an ex that he hasn’t met (Another piece of the puzzle). Making the baby announcement to my family this week. I’m so nervous and still kind of scared.
Sammi
January 20, 2022 at 9:23 pm
This is really helpful as I’m pregnant at 11 weeks and we were physically trying for over a year then he left at 9 weeks. I’m currently blocked on everything but have my first scan next Thursday. How do I do this?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 24, 2022 at 7:34 pm
Hey Sammi, if you are fully blocked then there is not much you can do but wait for him to unblock you somewhere. When you have your scan I would suggest that you send him a message to let him all is okay with baby and let him go from there. It is difficult and upsetting enough to process a break up with pregnancy hormones you are likely going to find it difficult to compose yourself and keep emotional control but be sure to try to compose yourself before you see or speak with him at any time. You are going to also have to follow a limited no contact and see if he reaches out to you to ask about baby.
Brittany
April 14, 2019 at 12:40 pm
I’m so lost. My bf and I were on and off for about 2 years. A couple of months ago we got back together after I had caught him cheating on me. I chose to forgive and forget and move on. Things were great for a while and then he started getting distant again. I later found out he was cheating once again. The day after we broke up I found out I was pregnant. Ever since I told him he has treated me like I don’t exist. I haven’t spoken to him but I had run into one time and he didn’t even acknowledge me. I now am only 7 weeks and have learned that he is seeing someone else now. What should I do ? I still love him and want him in the baby’s life. Do you think there maybe a chance for us? My main concern is the baby but I do still want to be with him. I just hope it’s not too late for us too.
Roshelle
December 2, 2017 at 4:35 am
Hi
I am current doing NC whilst being 38 weeks pregnant. Been doing it for about 5 weeks as the whole pregnancy I’ve felt unsupported and the last straw was when he didn’t turn up to a 3D scan and left me to experience it on my own when I could have taken someone else. Prior to this I was always keeping him in the loop and updated with everything, even arranged for our families to meet etc (we have known each other a long time however we were not officially together just dating), I got pregnant unexpectedly and it was a shock for him however he said he’d be there for baby. Since then I’ve had to constantly chase and been let down by him which led to this after the scan incident. the first couple of weeks worked fine and he was instigating conversation and being proactive about appointments and bought baby clothes for the first time. I continued to follow no contact but since last appointment I’ve heard nothing. He is also dating someone else now which looks serious. I’ve sent a text saying “hi midwife app on wed at…” so he knows but not heard back. since coming up to due date I’m also thinking I’d rather have a close friend in the delivery room with my Mum instead of him but don’t know how I can tell him this in NC. I’m a bit lost as to if I’m doing the right thing.. I want him to step up for his child (2nd one as he already has another to an ex).
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2017 at 1:19 am
Hi Roshelle,
don’t tell him you’re doing the no contact rule.. read this one too:
Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back
Jules
November 13, 2017 at 2:29 am
Ex and I were together for 4 months. He was supportive at first when I told him I was pregnant and even talked about moving in together. I found out he was sleeping with other women currently and he lied to me about it three times even though I had proof. It didn’t mean the end of the relationship for me because I love him and believe things can be worked out or compromises can be made. Especially wanted to work things out because of our child. He kept lying and when I showed him the condoms in his garbage he admitted he had been lying. I was hurt that he was lying and freaked out and cut off all contact for an entire month except to tell me he wanted an abortion. I was beside myself for the whole month. No contact no phone calls no face to face and no reasons as to WHY. I’ve made plans to move back to Michigan to be near family though have been desperate and begging for him to come back. He’s been divorced twice. He recently started talking to me but is still sleeping with other women. He asked me to stay in state but continues to cancel plans these last two weeks and choosing not to spend time with me. Will no contact work if I’m moving out of state to be near family? I’ve invited him to come with me and be a part of his child’s life, I just don’t feel safe staying out in a different state with no support or affection. I want to feel safe yet I want to still be with him. Please any advice would be immensely helpful. I still love him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 17, 2017 at 7:25 pm
It’s not a guarantee that it would work..It just helps increase your chances and it’s better than to chase.
Crystal
August 27, 2017 at 6:42 pm
Hi Chris,
In need of some help…I’m not sure that I’m pregnant but I’m in no contact and was wondering if it’s okay to reach out to my ex to let him know that I’m a LITTLE worried…?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2017 at 2:19 pm
Make it sure first.. Because if it’s false,.you will look like you’re using it to talk to him
Amy
May 15, 2017 at 12:55 pm
So, I’m 20 weeks pregnant and the father left me about 5 weeks ago after I told him. He was keeping in contact, calling once a week mostly to try to convince me to put the baby up for adoption. Last week he’d called, he didn’t argue about adoption because he said he realized it was pointless. He had said he’d call next week but I haven’t heard a word. I have my 20 week appointment tomorrow and I really wanted him to see the baby on the ultrasound. I don’t know if there will be an ultrasound after this? I’m worried about him missing it and I’m really angry/depressed he didn’t call (especially as I just graduated college and received no congrats from him), but I don’t know if reaching out to him is the best thing. Advice?
Amy
May 20, 2017 at 6:28 pm
Thank you for the advice. Would I be able to delete this thread?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 22, 2017 at 6:27 pm
nope.. but if you want, I could erase all your comments.
Amy
May 18, 2017 at 1:06 am
I did call to remind him after a lot of my friends advised me, but he didn’t come. I also invited his mother, who just found out, but she was very nasty about everything. He did indicate he’d be involved with the baby but doesn’t want to talk to me. The phone call wasn’t good at first but eventually he got into a better mood and was joking and making me laugh. He still said he didn’t want to talk as much and said “let’s just play things by ear”. He told me to keep him updated but hasn’t asked about the appointment. I decided not to reach out and begin no contact. I’m not sure it will do anything. He’s convinced having a baby is the worst thing that’s ever happened to him and he thinks all these negative things that aren’t true about our relationship. I feel like no contact could allow him to continue thinking that way.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2017 at 8:56 pm
you can tell him the schedule of check ups, but leave the decision on him if he wants to come or not..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2017 at 4:49 pm
If he really doesn’t want the baby, don’t force him.. let him be.. whatever happens, you have a blessing right now.. are you going to try the advice above?
Jana
May 8, 2017 at 7:21 pm
Hi chris! I tried doing it but didnt purchased yet, only by listening and searching for free lessons. So I started w no contact rule..on the 21st day he started messaging me again bec im pregnant w his child i decided to reply but he only asked me the same thing if i already removed the baby. He said to pls leave him cause he can never be w me if im going to keep the baby for now and that he would love to be w me if its in proper way (like in a relationship, marriage, children) his starting to make his name known in a positive way (in his group/country) thats his reason why he cannot take that something like this happened and people family friends might start to look down at him (having a child unmarried). I told him that i dont want to give stress..im due in few weeks and as much as im trying to understand him i cannot remove my child. Fame is good but can blind someone’s heart and mind..and so is love❣️
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 11, 2017 at 4:21 pm
If you’re keeping the baby and he doesn’t want to, move on from him for now..and also, a man like that will not stay even if you decide to abort the pregnancy.. but since you’re almost due, i’m assuming you’re keeping your baby
Leigh
April 23, 2017 at 12:16 am
I’m in the pregnant not with my ex situation, 5 months along. He has a girlfriend last we spoke. I am doing the no contact rule. I am 13 days in and he is messaging or calling at least once a day. Today is the first day he called and left a message. “He wants a sign of life” meaning if I’m alive. Not once has he asked about the baby… and I don’t believe “how are you” constitutes him asking about the baby. He also knew of an appointment and that is the day he didn’t message at all. So, today, because I still hadn’t responded I think he got his sister-in-law to say hi to me. I’m sure she was spying on me for him… even though she is “on my side”… but I didn’t mention him or my ignoring and neither did she. I can’t confirm 100% that’s the case, but I’m not big on coincidence. He also could have verified life with his mom cause I just wished her happy birthday. All this being said… am I doing No Contact right? I feel like I am… but the whole potential spying on me thing unnerves me a little. Thank you in advance for your time!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 28, 2017 at 6:10 pm
Yes, you are doing it right..
Dalia
January 20, 2017 at 8:15 am
Hi Chris,
So I’m in a bit of a situation. My ex boyfriend and I were together for a little over 2 years, we even got to the point where we told each other “I love you”. During the relationship we would argue quite a few times, mostly over things we could have resolved if he would have just talked to me but he never did. He would just ignore me until he felt better. Toward the end of our relationship he became very distant and he way less affectionate, that made me feel horrible so I made the decision to break up with him. After the break up we were still seeing each other to have sex but I’m too emotional so everytime we had sex I would go home and cry. I couldn’t handle so I initiated a no contact. It lasted aboutess than a month until one night in July he texted me saying he’s sorry that the break up lasted as long as the did. That he missed me and loved me and that he knew I was the one he was supposed to marry and grow old with. He was essentially begging to get back together. So I did get back together with him. Around this time is when I was expecting to begin my menstrual cycle but it never came. A week after we had gotten back together I took a pregnancy test and sure enough it was positive. I took several test just to make sure. I went over to his immediately to give him the news but instead of him trying to console me, I had to try and comfort him because he was really freaking out. I started to tell him that everything would be okay, and that we would figure it out somehow. The only thing he did was look at me dead in the eye and said “We can’t have a kid right now”. I knew he was implying I get an abortion, but I didn’t reply to him, I just made an excuse to leave and he didn’t stop me. I again initiated no contact but he broke it yet again. This time he created a fake profile on Instagram to be able to talk to me. Posed as someone I knew from middle school but it was completely obvious from the beginning that it was my ex. I played along for a while but I then confronted him and he confessed that he did it to be able to talk to me. He promised me from then on to try to talk to me about the baby. I would send him pictures I got from appointments and I would ask him to go to appointments with me(I sent him the appointment dates everytime I got new ones) but he always had an excuse not to go. It’s been 7 months and everytime I talk to him seriously about the baby he can only say “I’ll try” or “I don’t know” at this point I’m just very tired of trying to convince him to be in his daughter’s life and try to fix our relationship. I have an appointment February 1 and that is the deadline I gave him to decide. Either he goes with me and becomes serious about kings and finally tells his parents that I’m pregnant or he doesn’t go and chooses not to be a part of the baby’s life and gives up on a relationship with me. I was also thinking about sending his parents a letter telling them I am pregnant if he does not go to the appointment with me. Is that a good move? I’m really not sure what else to do to convince him to stay.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2017 at 5:03 pm
Hi Dalia,
im not saying you shouldn’t tell his parent, but prepared that he will be angry after you do that.. his parents should know but if he doesn’t want to be responsible for his baby, expect him to be angry
Jesse dee
January 4, 2017 at 11:29 am
My ex and I were together 18 months. And out of nowhere he dumped me over the phone saying he doesnt know what he wants and that’l he’s depressed and had a cloud over his head for the last few months.
He kepts using different excuses for our break up because i believe he has no idea why we broke up but he is certain he cant do a relationship.
Anyways. A month after i discovered I was 10 weeks pregnant and contacted him straight away. He was super disappointed and wanted me to give the baby up. I couldnt bare the thought of abortion and the moment i saw the ultrasound I knew i loved the baby already.
I still very much miss and love my ex boyfriend but he still has given no indication whether he’ll be involved in the babies life. And says he still considering moving away and needs to go on his holiday soon.
Has not put a thought in for the baby… which breaks my heart everyday.
I have dont NC for so far 22 days and i havent heard a single thing from him. No calls or texts.
Is there still a chance for us?
I really want him back… not just for me but our baby.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 6, 2017 at 6:17 am
Hi Jessy dee,
Are you prepared to take things slow like the situation above? do you want to try the steps after the no contact period? And that it may take months but there’s no guarantee. You have to accept the fact that you can’t make somebody want something they don’t. So, the best you can do is to stop forcing or trying to convince him. Bring up the baby needs, if he’s willing to support then good. If not, you should either give him space and try again maybe a month later or when you’ve given birth or move on.
Rose
January 1, 2017 at 8:33 pm
How will I know when you reply to my comment?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 4, 2017 at 3:08 pm
Hi Rose,
the only way is to check it here.. there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work..how old are you both?
Rose
January 1, 2017 at 8:26 pm
My ex broke up with me 4 months ago via text for the simple fact that I got pregnant. We were in a relationship for 2 years. He seemed to be ok with this pregnancy , but then talked to his family and changed his mind while I was away on a pre-planned vacation. His family is not supportive of the baby at all and 2 months ago he started dating a girl after 2 flings , this one seems to be serious. He took her to his place. I just started the no contact for the 2nd time after I sent a closure e-mail. Screwed up the 1st time , as when he was around trying to help me , I was making the same mistakes going crazy over the things he did for the other girl and the priorities he had. Will 2nd time work? Will going away to another country for a year make him forget about us completely or staying in the country and getting stable is a better idea? He said he would come and visit, but he does not want the baby, visit me ???? as a friend when he is dating somebody else? I know the baby should be my primary focus but I can’t exclude him quite yet, as he is clearly lost & influenced by people who have personal interest in this situation and he admitted that.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 4, 2017 at 3:08 pm
Hi Rose,
the only way is to check it here.. there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work..how old are you both?
nicci
November 21, 2016 at 7:09 am
Hi Chris and team. I found myself in a horrible situation. I’m 2 weeks away from delivery and have been separated from my exfiance for a month now. I broke off the relationship out of sheer frustration and emotional turmoil. I felt my man slipping away and making more and more excuses not to see me and spend time with me. I was hospitalised with stress and I was worried about the baby. He didn’t bother to make a trip to see me in hospital and that’s when I snapped. I wasn’t nasty in my messages, just told him I was walking away because I have to not because I want to. I love him and want a family but I felt him disappearing for quite some time. I just wanted him to fight for us. I knew there was a chance he wouldn’t. It’s a month down the line and he is hot and cold about reconciling. He makes a date and then cancels with some excuse. I am so frustrated. I’ve tried to tell him not to contact me, he then starts talking about reconciling. The moment I agree to talk he changes his tune. I don’t know if he is just not ready for a family. Please help. Yours most sincerely. Nicci
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 11:33 pm
Hi Nicci,
Why not try the limited contact? Stop expecting and asking. Just let him be and focus in making yourself healthy for the delivery..if he asks to come for the delivery,let him but dont expect. Just agree and dont ask if he doesnt appear.. Act as if you’re tired of him and you’re just agreeing for the sake of being positive but you don’t care anymore if he shows up or not..
Contemplating
September 7, 2016 at 1:07 pm
Dear Chris,
Hello. My ex and I were together till June 20ish I believe so 7 or 8 months. As soon as we broke up he started seeing his 19yr old neighbor. My ex is 28 and he does have a daughter already by someone else. I am having our first son together. He moved in with his gf a month later. They are still together currently but don’t show it on fbook or anything. I did get a new number and was debating about texting him my new number and just telling him that the baby appointment went well or etc. When he is around his gf he is extremely rude but when he isn’t with her he is nice and is interested in the pregnancy and about being a father and having a son for the first time. He talks so much crap about his gf to his baby mama and I that its ridiculous. I feel like their relationship is temporary. He has talked about getting back together and etc once the baby comes and etc and all his family says he will try to come back and is using this girl as a distraction from me. Which probably is true. I was wondering what all should I be trying to do with trying to get him back? I stepped back a lot and started minding my own business a lot. What suggestions or books should I purchase to get him back or focused again on us?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 10:43 am
Hi Contemplating,
why did you separate?
Now what?
July 10, 2016 at 2:22 am
So I am currently 21 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. My ex that I am pregnant by were together 7 almost 8 months. We both have children of our own. I did do the 30 day no contact rule on day 33 he actually contacted me saying he is sorry for saying he didn’t care about the pregnancy and etc and even facetimed me for 2 hrs about plus texts. He said he would call me the next day on Friday and he never did. That was on Thirsday. He did say he wants to see me in a month due to the fact he is on house arrest and gets off in August. The day we broke up he said he is seeing someone else and living with her. He even took her to the 4th of July family reunion which he denies and he denies having a girlfriend. He said he did it to make me jealous. He did block me on fbook during the no contact rule was in effect. Which I still did not contact him. I am wondering what is the next step and what to do to get him back since I did the nc rule and I am not chasing him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 10, 2016 at 8:24 pm
Hi Now what,
is he or is he not with the other girl? if he’s cheating with you, then just contnue on the new routine you started during nc and live your own life.. you have a child, so you will see each other no matter what.. no need to rush..but what needs to happen first before you try to rebuild rapport is to make sure he’s not cheating with you
acim
July 9, 2016 at 6:55 am
When I just browsing the net I accidentally click your website and I got interested on it. Btw, I am now in a difficult situation, early this year, me and my ex just celebrated our 11th year anniversary as bf/gf however I found out that he was cheating on me. When we were still patching up things I gave all to him. I felt that he was taking me for granted and he doesn’t make any move to make our relationship better. So we broke up. After a month I found out that I am pregnant. When I contacted him he wants to support the us. I was happy knowing that he wanted to support us but I was still in skeptic about my trust to him. He she broke up with the girl but when a browsed his phone I saw that they still have communication. I feel devastated and I confronted him. after that my we talked and he wanted to support only the child and he doesn’t want to take responsibility on me. I feel for the 2nd time neglected and hurt. Our family decided to talk but his family did not want him to get married to me (because my ex is not yet ready). I want to take him back to me. He is now in a relationship with the same girl and I dont know want to do. We have been together for so long and yet he did this to me. Please help me how can I get him back to me. Badly in need of your advise.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 9, 2016 at 5:38 pm
Hi Acim,
I know you’re not that happy right now but still, congratulations! For now, do nc.. follow what Chris advised above and read this one too:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant
ChrisR
June 30, 2016 at 10:20 am
Hi. I am 14 weeks pregnant. I recently went through a 2nd breakup after getting Ex back 7 months ago. We lived together for close to 3 years. 8 mths ago took a new job in another state. He is an entertainer/comedian and works every night at a casino. Meets girls at the show, at the casino. Major cheating started happening. We had a major breakup 10 months ago. I did NC and he contacted me. After working on our friendship, he asked that I move to his state. We took it kinda slow. He started saying he loved me. Stopped cheating. I have been here 3mths and found out I was pregnant. Once I found out, I went into nesting mode. He used to say that he loved me but that he was marrying someone else. For his birthday, his Mother came to town. [2nd trip – and she refuses to meet me.] {I am 20 years older than he is] She brought women for him to meet. And would walk around the city looking for women for him – introducing him to strangers. Two weeks later, he went to Texas, where she lives and agreed to meet women she set up for him there. He told me that he felt bad about it – but made a comment that one of the women was worthy of having 15 kids with. I felt horrible hearing this. After hearing I was pregnant, he brought up marriage and I went off on him. A lot of the old issues came up. I told him that I didn’t have good things to say about him at the moment. He asked if I were breaking up with him. I said how can we break up when apparently we were not together if he is agreeing to meet women and making comments like the 15 babies – encouraging his mom to keep doing this. He said it would stop that “i won” – because I am having his baby. The whole thing just got me angry and hormones kicked in. I couldn’t stop being angry. He initially said he wanted the baby. He said that he would fight to be in our lives. I didn’t mean to have the argument as a breakup but as a solid argument. He took it as a breakup and has not spoken with me since. He refuses my calls, and texts. When my son tried to call him for father’s day – he said he was no longer available – sorry – to a kid. Where he said that we would talk – he is more distant. He is dating continuously again. I am in the new state and do not know anyone. A mutual friend contacted him to get an understanding of the problem. He said that he was avoiding me because he stressed about having a baby. Then he called me out of the blue and said pretty much the same thing. He told me “Um, Okay – the reason I have not contacted you is because I am stressed about having a baby. Also, is there a baby, is it one or two? I will contact you in 3 months.” I said 3 months? He said “yes, that is when all of the babies are coming out – I will be there. If you are having my child I will be there and do the right thing. I don’t care what my mother and employer says.” I asked if he could contact me once a week and check in to see if we are eating. He said OK. Then the next day I sent a photo of baby bump. No response. I felt bad and started texting, pushing him away and talking like we have broken up. It has been 30 days since I saw him/broken up. ..Also he has what I would call a drug/alcohol problem. This was one of the issues I brought up once I realized I was pregnant. I said I didn’t want to be around anyone who did that. {I don’t do anything, don’t drink either] I asked that he come back after getting treatment. I think we would have a different relationship if he kicked … but he is close to junkie status 🙁 Since moving to Las Vegas he has developed a very bad problem. So I am not sure to be happy with the space/breakup or sad. I miss him. But I want the relationship to work. We can’t demand treatment or kicking habits … but … what to do? I’d like to at least have good communications with him. Right now we are very distant and he is avoiding me completely. He is being encouraged by his family and friends because he tells them when we argue – but don’t tell them things when times are great. They believe him. All he does is create a zone for him to hide in while he does bad things. Help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 12:45 pm
HI Chris R,
I think you should assess if he really is worth getting back with.. but right now, take this time to focus more on your baby… avoid stress as much as possible.. don’t beg for him back… see friends and family or go home to your state..
kezi
May 29, 2016 at 2:49 pm
Hi Chris
My ex and i have been dating for 3 years, we broke up a month before i found out i was pregnant, yes i did the whole begging crazy thing cause i was afraid to raise my baby alone, when i went to tell his parents they told me to have an abortion and ousted me from their house, one day he wants to keep the baby the next he doesnt, i tried No contact that lasted 15 days due to my birthday he took me out and we actually bonded he wanted to get back together then 2 days later he changed his mind after seeing that guys at work were attracted to me, since then i havent spoken to him again in that time he messaged to ask if im ok and if baby is ok but i never responded, he the found someone else and the girl rejected him upon finding out that im pregnant and now hes heartbroken about that, hes posting sad pictures and statuses for her and simply ignoring me at all costs, what can i do to get him back? its been 5 months sonce we broke up.. we work together and hes always around other girls
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 7:39 am
Hi Kezi,
I think you need to consider if he really deserves you. The other girl the right thing and it’s not your fault. She knows that at this time he should be focused on you or the baby if he’s not ready to go back with you. Stop chasing him. I’m not saying there’s no chance but right now, focus on being calm and happy and healthy for the baby. He’ll always be in your lives. Focus on you for now.
Jusy
May 26, 2016 at 1:53 pm
My boy friend is abroad, am 10weeks pregnant. At first i told him and he was scared but finally he accepted because we could, but now 3 weeks he no-longer picks up my calls and he does reply my messages. What can i do?. Can i start my single life?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 29, 2016 at 2:27 pm
Hi Jusy
what do you mean by single life?