Handling Your Pregnancy During A Breakup

106 thoughts on “EBR 038: Pregnancy & Ex Boyfriends”

Emily

May 23, 2016 at 8:43 am

I am pregnant and trying to get my ex back. We began dating shortly after he separated from his wife. He and I had an instant connection that helped us build our relationship very quickly. We met each other’s families and they loved us together. We both came from previous long-term toxic marriages which we absolutely did not want to repeat. His wife was emotionally abusive and My husband was an addict. So my ex boyfriend and I decided to have a very honest relationship with excellent communication. We were both going through the divorce process and everything seemed to be going amazingly well. Well, it turned out that he decided to go back and give his marriage one last try before giving up, supposedly for his kids. A week after he went back, I found out I was pregnant. His wife knew about us and our relationship so of course she would not let him have any communication with me in order for them to try to work things out. I decided to try emailing him about the pregnancy, on a Friday and didn’t hear back from him until Monday. He was calm about it and told me that his wife wants to see a blood test showing I’m pregnant, but if I am, he will be there for the baby from day 1. His mom and I went to get the blood test showing positive results. At that point, his wife began being emotionally abusive toward him and trying to make him talk me into terminating the pregnancy. I told him I could never do that so its not an option and he just gets to decide if he wants to be in or out of the baby’s life. So they have been fighting like crazy, and in turn he and I were arguing for the past week. I decided to go into no contact and he slowly began texting me apologies which I didn’t respond to. His texts have gotten nicer and he’s finally texting concerns about the baby. Which are the only texts I’ve responded to. I know it sounds like such a crazy circumstance to even want to get back into, but he and I really had an amazing relationship. I believe he was kind of sucked back into the toxic relationship. Not only would I love to have our great relationship back, but I don’t want to share custody with him if he’s in that toxic marriage. If it was bad before, it’s really going to get bad now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 1:24 pm

Hi Emily

at least you’re not willing to get back with him if he’s toxic.. it’s good that you remain in contact for the baby only.. keep that up and keep being the positive one.. if she doesn’t change,he’ll get fed up eventually with her..so for now, just focus on keeping yourself happy for the baby

Whittney

April 15, 2016 at 6:30 pm

Chris,

How do I implement the NC rule if we have a 3 month old daughter and also work together? He has lead me on, on numerous occasions. He said 50% wants to be together but the other half does not. We were together 2 years. Kind of rocky but clicked very well. He slept with numerous women throughout my pregnancy and literally put me through hell. He told me last Sunday that he wanted to go our separate ways Bc I will never change but I have been by his side through all of this. Why doesn’t he want to commit to me. I loved him dearly and he knew that. He puts me down a lot and him being hot then cold makes it hard to really know how to react to him. We’ve been broken up for 6 months all together. But let me add, he will still sleep with me. I’m so confused.

Whittney

April 17, 2016 at 4:42 pm

Thank you Amor! It’s so hard. Being pregnant, having the baby and wanting that family life really plays in on my emotions. I don’t know how to act or react to his up/down actions. One day he will talk to me a good but, the next he won’t! It’s so confusing. And for him to do all he has done to me, and I’m still by his side and him to tell me I’ll never change, that hurts. Sad part is, he will always find a woman to meet his needs..so I’m sure he’ll never be upset at the fact of me possibly moving on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 17, 2016 at 2:24 pm

Hi Whittney,

Move on from him.. You deserve a better guy.. and trust me, when you’re trying to move on, he will tell you he wants you back and then when you do , he’ll back to being like that again.. Move on. A decent guy will not do what he did.

Alicia

March 24, 2016 at 7:54 pm

I was in a relationship with my ex for 4 months and it was great. We made plans for the future, I met his family and he met mine. He even accepted my 3 yr old daughter as his own. When we were first intimate I had to keep telling him I needed a few minutes break because it was painful. The second time he got frustrated and said “how were you able to have sex with your exes?” And I said it was painful but I just took it. He said that hurt and it was like I was saying he wasn’t good enough, which isn’t what I meant at all. He said that he could never get what I said out of his mind and that we are too different. I’m quiet and reserved and he’s adventurous and very sweet. He treated me like a queen and neither one of us ever cheated or anything like that. I met up with him last night because I found out I’m 6 weeks pregnant. He was happy and said that he will always be my friend and he will always be there for your child but he said I hurt him so deeply that he’s put a wall up that will never come down. I’m so angry with myself for ruining something good. He said he’s not mad just hurt. I asked him how did he know things wouldn’t work out a second time if we didn’t try and he said because what I said in the bedroom will always be in his mind and that he would never give 100% of himself because he doesn’t feel good enough. I love him deeply and this is devastating to me that I hurt him so deeply and he doesn’t see a future with me anymore. It’s going to be hard because he plans on coming to all my prenatal appointments.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 11:42 am

HI Alicia,

Let him cool off, maybe those prenatal appointments will even let him have a change of heart.. Besides, it’s not as if it’s somebody’s fault that it hurt for you.

B

March 11, 2016 at 4:56 am

Hello, I stumbled upon this post because I am currently in this situation. My ex and I broke up on Feb 10. We were together about 5 months. He was the one who said when began our relationship that he is serious about me (e.g., marriage and everything). So here’s my story:
I was the one who broke it off during the fight over his female friend asking via text that “Did B slip the thing under my apartment door?” I was offended because I don’t know her well (we only meet 3 times) and she suggesting I drove across town to her apartment and slipped a envelope of a second hand car advertisement under her door. My ex said I was being a bitch that I got offended. His friend is gullible and naive. We fought over this group of his female friend a few times before. I was mad so I broke up with him over anger. The next day I apologized and asking him to get back together. However, the break up was official a week later.
A few days later, I found out that I am pregnant. I was on the pill and he never use other other form of protection. I told him about this and he blamed me for being irresponsible with the pill. At first, I want abortion because various reasons and he said he will support me for whatever I decide. A week later after thinking and stressing, I’ve changed my mind. I couldn’t do it. I am a 32 years old women (he is 29) who has 3 degrees and well-off, so I can do it. I told him that I changed my mind and will keep the baby. He flipped out saying that I was flipfloping. If I decided on something, I should stick to it. He went on that he doesn’t like me anymore, doesn’t want anything to do with me, and want to cut me out of his life, and many hurtful things. I was crushed I had done so many things for him, even supported him financially when he unemployed.
So, I told him that I don’t want anything from him, not even child support. However, he went on and cried that he couldn’t emotionally deal with the fact that he will have a child lives half-way around the world and not being involve his its life (I am from another country studying my doctoral in the US). It would hurts him so much. To spare the long term pain, abortion would be less painful.
After all that, I am still adamant about keeping the pregnancy. So he succumbed to it and told me to contact him for any update. I have been the one who initiated contact relating to my pregnancy (3 weeks currently) and any trip to doctor or ER (I was in the car accident). Never once that he contacted me.
And now I found out that he went on a date with another girl and planning on the second date. Telling her and his female friends that I am immature and irresponsible enough to get myself pregnant. I couldn’t understand and couldn’t be more crushed than this.
I am in a foreign country. I want emotional and some other supports while I am pregnant. What should I do? Why does he think this is the right time to dating someone new? Why is he so mean? Can and should I try to get him back?

Thank you very much.

B

March 21, 2016 at 5:56 am

I have been using the No contact rule since March 10. However, he is already drove into a new relationship with a girl 7 years younger than him. Everything went so quickly. They have intimately “sealed the deal” on the second date (small world, the new girl and I share a mutual friend). Still no contact from him whatsoever.
With the fact that I’m pregnant, it’s really difficult for me to move on. I am trying to take care of myself and the baby. But it’s just hurt. I am in the limbo here.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 11:26 am

it can be rebound.. so just let him be.. you know, you’ll always be the mom of his child, although that’s an unfair card to play but that’s the truth. You have a lifetime connection to him.
B

March 11, 2016 at 6:20 pm

Amor,
Thank you for your reply. It seems surreal to me. We broke up only a month and with the baby. And now he goes out finding someone new and happiness. I am willing to try. I have tried everything myself but it didn’t work. So, there’s no harm in trying NC. But is it too late? With the new girl in a picture also. In addition, I do have a feeling that if I don’t contact him, he won’t contact me. This is just my assumption from how I know him (the man after we broke up) and the fact that he is enjoy talking and dating with the new girl so much.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2016 at 12:41 pm

no, it’s not too late.. and even if he doesn’t contact now, he will eventually because of the baby
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 11:29 am

Hi B,

He’s being a jerk… But it can also be because he’s not ready yet.. nonetheless, he should be more caring for you.. But are you willing to do the no contact rule and the other steps above?

Katrina

February 29, 2016 at 2:11 pm

Hello,
I understand you all are very busy but I’m hoping to get a reply. I feel lost and hopeless. I’m in need of some answers. A week ago yesterday my boyfriend packed up his things and left. This came with no warning or even a prior conversation. We had no relationship problems and had a love other people envied. I’m currently 6 months pregnant with our daughter and this is a high risk pregnancy. I have health issues and the pregnancy has made them worse. He left us with no car, no job, and a house he knew I would struggle to pay. I’m barely making it by now with my present child support (I currently have 2 kids of my own that he loved and they loved him too). He told me at the beginning of my pregnancy to stop working and he would take care of mostly all the bills. He has and did a great job at it. When he moved out he signed a one year lease for a 1 bedroom apartment. Which makes me feel even more insecure that he wants to come back. I will say that everything in our relationship moved very quickly and then I got pregnant. A few days ago he told me that him leaving was mostly stress but he did not elaborate on itbandvi wasn’t going to try to get him to do so. I have not been a nagging or begging ex. He doesn’t even know how much im truly hurting. I did establish the NC but due to an emergency it only lasted 1.5 days. It’s been hard to restart it since but I will be restarting it today. He’s also called and text me and for the most part he doesn’t ignore me if I contact him. In the beginning of him leaving he was a monster to me. He’s done and said things in one week that I could never imagine him doing to me in a lifetime. I’m completely thrown by his actions because they are complete opposite of who he is and how he’s ever treated me. For instance he told me he was signing off his rights to our daughter but I did tell him prior to that that if he leaves then I don’t want him involved cause I can do this by ourselves. Since then his actions do not say he wants to not be involved but he hasn’t told me otherwise either. Prior to all this he seemed excited about her and was very active in this pregnancy. This entire situation has me completely confused and very lost. Did I make a mistake by starting NC to late? The first time was 5 days after breakup and broken 1.5 days later and now it’s 8 days after breakup. Do you think he really means what he said about her? Do you think I still have a chance at getting him back? is this just a case of stress and cold feet? Lastly, can I break NC if it has to do with baby info only or appointment info?

Katrina

February 29, 2016 at 3:03 pm

I made a few typos lol.
Firstly, I meant him signing a one year lease makes me feel more insecure that he will ever come back. Secondly, I meant that when he admitted stress was the main cause of him leaving he did not elaborate on it and I wasn’t going to get him to do so. Thirdly, I meant since the remark of him signing off his rights to our daughter his actions show differently than his words but he has not told me any differently yet either. Sorry for the typos.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 11:36 am

Hi Katrina,

if it’s an emergency and only about the baby and you didn’t talk about the relationship..that’s ok. You didn’t break nc..You can continue the count.. It may have been just stress and cold feet and as you said his actions now don’t show that he doesn’t want your daughter… give him space for now.. continue with nc and it’s just been a week, so it’s too early to say what the problem really is

Erin Hart

February 27, 2016 at 3:43 am

Hi Chris, I have a situation that’s a little (or maybe a lot) different from what you’ve described above. I have sent two e-mails to you earlier today to describe and sum up my situation, I hope that you or someone on your team will get back with me as soon as possible. I’m very desperate at this point, I have still not broke the NC, and I feel like the past three months have just been wasted time. I couldn’t find anything else on your website to relate with my situation, but everything that you’ve advised in your article above are things that I have already tried. I’ve been keeping up and following this page since my break up and have watched every YouTube video that you’ve posted that pertains to my situation. Please please get back with me soon!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 11:30 am

Hi Erin,

We have Leia, handling our emails..She’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you for sharing your story with us

Ash

December 17, 2015 at 9:08 am

Hi Chris. I’m so glad I came across your website.

I have been with my ex for four years and he bought a house which my dad built and we moved into back in September.

With the stress of buying a first house etc we ended up just arguing constantly and I said I was moving out. I saved for 5 week and moved into my own place at the end of October.

Even the we were over we still slept together and went for dinner dates. I realised I had made a massive mistake and missed him terribly. I begged for him to let me back but he wouldnt.

He has been meeting other girls and speaking to other girls and now I have found out I’m 7 weeks pregnant to him. He knows how much I want him back. He is my life and now I’m pregnant its even worse. He is telling his female cousin who I’m very close with that he doesn’t want to be with me and he doesn’t want a family with me. He hasn’t told anyone on his side I’m pregnant.
I’m almost certain he was on a date at the cinema last night and it is ripping me apart. He is a professional footballer in the UK and it makes it so hard as girls throw themselves at him. Apart from this, all his family, bar his cousin, all hate me. His mother never thought I was good enough for him and we would always row. I sent his mum and sister to a hotel for the night with breakfast when we split to apologise for everything that had happened. I am so stuck as to what to do now.

I’m so excited to have my baby but I want him in my life. It was hard enough coping with our break up but now I’m pregnant its absolutely awful. I feel like I’m going insane. He lets me go see him when he wants sex and even though I’m being used it’s so nice because I fall asleep in his arms and he holds me so tight and it just reminds me of what we once had.

I want to do the 30 days no contact but this means not speaking to him from now till 16th January. That means I cant speak to him for Christmas, New Years or his birthday on the 10th January. I know all over Christmas his family and 8 of his friends are down from Scotland to stay with him so I know I wont even cross his mind as he’ll be busy with them. I know his friends will be telling him not to get back with me and to go out and meet other girls. I’m 24 and he is 22 but a mature 22. When we first got together he was so nice, so polite. But now because of his career the money and success has gone to his head. I have stayed with him through a gambling addiction, he cheated on me once and we came through it.

We have been through a lot as a young couple but he is living the dream. £200,000+ salary, nice car, his own home etc.

And now he’s become single I think he wants to be a playboy. I know I can’t use being pregnant as a reason for him to get back with me but is the 30 day no contact the best thing for this. I feel like now he’s meeting other girls and telling me he’s moving on and that he hardly loves me anymore, that he’s slipping through my fingers. Please help me Chris. Your my last chance

Thank you xxx
i lost the baby

November 13, 2015 at 10:20 pm

chris i was pregnant of my ex but i lost the baby i was 10 weeks pregnant, he said he will be there for me like we can go out or talk but just as friends i feel awful , like i lost my baby and him

lost the baby

December 19, 2015 at 4:50 pm

well now he is saying i ruined his life , cause all the baby drama, i really want him back but he hates me, i did nc for a week cause he talks to me every week saying if i`m sure the baby is gone but when i try to talk about other things he just give me yes and no answers, he told me that he is never gonna let me go inside of his life again, cause thanks to you i got him back 2 months ago but he dump me again, can i get him back again ? he was a great guy dont know why he is so mad, after all i`ts me who is suffering all that , i dont want to move on i want him back
Chris Seiter

December 3, 2015 at 7:02 am

I’m so sorry to hear that!! I know that nothing I say can change anything just know that miscarriages are extremely common and you are not alone. I believe the statistics are 1 in 4 pregnancies result in a miscarriage. From what I understand the egg and sperm just don’t match up that particular time so it’s nothing you did wrong or anything like that.

As for him, don’t let him see you like this. You don’t need him. You have your own friends and family to lean on. Talk to him when you are in a better state of mind. He will only make you feel worse by calling you his friend when you almost had a baby together. It is possible you can get back with him in the future but I have a feeling you will find a better guy. 🙂

first_time_mom25

October 12, 2015 at 6:13 am

Hi Chris
greetings all the way from Africa, Yes. thats how far your influence has reached. anyway, ive been following your website for over 2 years . You even helped me get my now Ex back in 2013(same guy im writing about again) and i need your help again,please. cannot seem to find a situation exactly like mine on your website.
I’ve been dating my Ex for over 3 n a half years and we just found out we’re expecting,I’m 10 weeks along now. The thing is , he’s always been a bit of a ladies’ man and because we started out in a long distance relationship (different countries at first, different cities now) i’ve never really been too clued up on his dealings with other women until 4months ago when he moved to my country and we saw each other more often.
in july he broke my heart when a girl made it known he’s been denying me and our relationship during his last month abroad and she basically made me feel/realise he’s been embarrassing me to other women throughout while he was away. despite the fact that i’ve been getting the official gf treatment throughout . i dumped him then and he convinced me to give him another chance which i did with reservations. making it clear im gone once there’s another situation with any girl ever again. we decided together to try for a baby seeing as we planned on being together forever,which i believed. but each time i visited him we’d argue about the inappropriate contact he’s had with women while im gone. so a week ago, when i visited him, to finalise decisions regarding the baby’s prenatal care etc, i found out he’s been getting girls’ numbers on FB and also his Ex-gf(who he left to be with me). i was seething and hurt and his only defense was that he wasnt texting anyone and his ex just reached out to ask about his wellbeing.
i dumped him, and he’s tried to reconcile with me till about two days ago. i told him only way i would consider being with him again is if he made his relationship status clear to his ex to prevent future contact (she’s tried to get him bk for over a year till august 2014) coz to me she has no respect for his being in a relationship with me and he allows her that gap for the disrespect. even if he doesnt tell her off, i would expect him to make a grand gesture that proves his commitment ,PUBLICLY, seeing as he’s left women with the impression that he;’s single ,despite what his family ,my family n friends know. i need validation that im not being made a fool of , but he refuses to tell his ex gf off and expects me to believe his same old apology and exaggerated declarations of love. i really want to have a happy pregnancy and love him with all of me. please help Chris? i am doing the no-contact rule now, but i feel like im robbing my child by excluding him and im afraid i will fold and fall back into the same hurtful cycle with him. what can i do or say to him for him to do more to prove and show his commitment and also have him make his relationship status clear…i am at my wits end . please help? im 25 and he’s 31 now, if that helps.
Vikki

September 3, 2015 at 7:17 pm

My partner left 6 weeks ago the day we found out about our unplanned pregnancy. We’d been a bit complacent with contraception as he’d been suffering from depression for some time, affecting his libido. Any way, he demanded I go immediately to arrange an abortion, I refused as I wanted time to think. He said I’d never see him again if I kept the baby, he’d resent me and the baby forever. He even threatened suicide. I left our shared home to let him calm down, when I got back he’d gone. I’ve not heard from him since. Over the last 6 weeks I’ve tried reaching out to him but he’s ignored all my messages. He’s not blocked me but ignored me. I gave up trying a week ago so haven’t attempted contact in a week. I’ve had a new phone so a new number that he doesn’t have, if he does change his mind and try to reach out.

I have an ultrasound in 4 days and another in a month. Do I contact him about these? Do I leave him until he contacts me – if he ever does?

We were living together for over 2 years, he was my 9 year old boys step dad and he’s devastated. Kim will tried that my ex will live with huge regrets and I don’t want that for him. Please help.

Vikki

September 3, 2015 at 7:18 pm

Should’ve said “I’m worried that my ex will live with huge regrets….”

Amanda

August 29, 2015 at 10:24 pm

Hey Chris,
I need a little more advice on this topic. My situation is only slightly similar to this one.

Basically, my boyfriend and I were together for 5 months. We got together very fast, fell in love just as fast, and soon after, I discovered I was pregnant. Now, he did stay for the first 5 months of my pregnancy, despite the constant raging emotions. Things were very back and forth, on and off for us as we are both young, (him being 19 and myself being 22) but we managed to make things work as I progressed into the pregnancy. I could tell that he was scared, so was I, but he stuck it out. Until one day, he had been having family issues and I got overly emotional and worried and told him basically to choose me and our baby or his abusive step dad as his number one priority. He took that as me trying to “ruin his family” and clearly made his choice. A few days later, I tried to apologize, but he had already decided that the breakup was best. We were scheduled to move in together that week and out of respect, he allowed me to move in still, even after being broken up for a week. The first night, things became normal and we were seemingly on the fast track to already getting back together until his “best friend” (15 years old and clueless might I add) confessed her “love” to him and it quickly confused him. I tried to be okay with it, (even though that type of relationship is illegal) but I clearly wasn’t, as I felt this had ruined my chances. We got into a huge fight where terrible things were said and things may have been thrown and I may have tried to hit him in my emotional rage of passion.

Here I am, one month later, and I have not been in contact with him since. He has not even tried to contact me to ask about the baby, yet last week, he messages my mom and asks about his e-cigarette. I have been spending this time working on myself and I feel I admittedly still have some work to do, but I am getting there more and more everyday. I am just so torn between things. I have so many mixed feelings toward him. One day, I will hate him for what he is doing to me, and the next day, I will be crying and unable to keep my composure because I love him so much.

I cannot decide if I finally want to end the no contact and try things out or let him try to contact me first. Because I was posting depressing things on Facebook, clearly directed toward him, I decided to completely deactivate my account, slightly in hopes that maybe restarting my no contact and going off the map for a bit would help trigger something inside of him. I have about 10 weeks left of my pregnancy and I would very much like him to be there, but so far, he is already proving that his life and friends are more important than me and our daughter.

I really need your help here and any advice on what to do would be very much appreciated.
Marie

August 20, 2015 at 7:28 pm

Hello,
I am extremely intrigued with your site! I find myself on here EVERYDAY… I know obsessive but I want to make sure i soak up all the information because I have a crazy situation. My ex left me during my pregnancy and moved away to a different state to be with the mother of his other children. Right after I had my baby he moved back, we got back on the same page because that whole situation was hurtful and a mess! We got past it and start our relationship with one another. We couldn’t EVER make our relationship public to social media because he doesn’t want his BM (Baby Mama lol) to be mad at him and put him on child support and what not even though they are not together living in different states. I dont really understand it. Anyway, we recently broke up about a month and a half ago. We broke up because I did not trust him he kept having this same girl calling his phone. Even though I know he wasn’t seeing her because he was with me everyday all day it still bothered me because of how he left me when i was pregnant and just trust issues with him anyway because he lies sometimes. Anyway I did the NC before I even knew about your whole process. I messed up because we probably had 2 arguments during that period like REALLY bad arguments like I am suprised he wants to still talk to me after all the hurtful things i said to him. We both apologised and decided to be cordial for the sake of the baby. So I would allow him slowly into seeing us again. Our relationship has never really been inbetween it’s either we love eachother or we hate eachother. So of course it is natural for me to want my family back if we are spending all of this time together. I tried to move on but I always feel like I am holding on to our relationship like I just cannot let go because I am in love with him. So we had our discussion and said we will take things slow and then in the mist of it he was saying we are allowed to date other people. See, I am not okay with that. It is not like we dont have history and dont know one another. I feel like if we are gonna work on us it needs to be no confusion no distractions. I feel like I had been put in the friendzone. I was then panicing because I KNOW he has interest in someone else, but who? I break into his Facebook… I know bad… But he doesn’t know I play it cool. So I find out who this chick is and I am impressed usually he does not date quality but she actually is a smart girl. I dont mention it of course I play oblivious to the whole thing. So once I found this out I freak out in the inside and I have sex with him… Like EVERY time I see him we have amazing sex he says it’s the best sex in his life… We have been spending EVERYDAY together he ignores calls and txt VERY little during our hours together daily. So in this time I take pictures videos documenting all this time we have been spending together. At this point I know I still hold my value, he calls ME, he’s now affectionate when before he wasn’t, he kisses me goodnight, he initates us spending time together I always let him make the first move… Just not with sex I pretty much start that because he told me he doesn’t want a sexual relationship so he won’t ignitate that. Now, I know he still has feelings for me and there is still some love there… I then added the girl he’s been talking to on FB and play stupid because he blocked me from FB so i have an alibi that I don’t know who this chick is because I am not even allowed to see his FB activity. So she was already on the fence with him because I read her statuses. I knew her seeing all the time we were spending together will cause her to not trust him. So basically it worked, she deleted all her lovey dovey stats and seems to be over his BS which she should because in reality he was being romantic w me and not honest with her because she thought she was the ONLY one considering they have been talking for 2 weeks… So she’ll move on fast she’s a pretty and smart girl… SO AT THIS POINT I AM AWARE OF YOUR WAY OF DOING THINGS… I know I totally messed up the whole process trying to do it on my own… Now that his little fling is over with he STILL doesn’t want a relationship. Saying he wants us to be good friends, but I don’t want that I want my family. He is seriously trying to friend zone me wanting to be affectionate be his friend and no sex. Like that is not appealing to me. So I have proved to myself that
1)He still has some type of feelings for me I am not sure if he is IN LOVE with me but he wants me around
2)He still looks at me as being valuable
3)He wants to date other people while we are “FRIENDS”, making me think that one day we will be together but we know that doing this eventually one of us will move on for good.

I understand him wanting to be free and do what he wants he has been in a back and forth relationship with myself and his BM for the past 3 years so I can see why he would want to be single right now I just don’t want us to loose this forever… I really need help 🙁

So my plan was to go into MC for 3 weeks

I am seriously buying your whole book set tomorrow when I get paid. I also emailed you saying I would pay for you to help me. And I did an audio message.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 🙁 I need u (dang there i go begging lol)

Marie

August 24, 2015 at 7:19 pm

I am literally on here all day rereading and listening to your podcast I am sooo excited you responded. No, when I did the no contact wo knowing your way of doing things I did reply just about EVERY time. It did work though he wrote me begging for me to talk to him, but you see where that has went 🙁

I started no contact today and I have a KAI gameplan I am eager to do this the right way.
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 5:48 pm

Glad to hear it!! Keep me posted.
Marie

August 24, 2015 at 4:53 pm

UPDATE:
Okay, so I guess my plan was flawed or maybe this chick is just desperate. She and my babydaddy are still conversing! He talked to me and said to stop posting stuff about us on Facebook basically because it’s messing up him wanting to talk to other people. I am officially going on NO CONTACT (unless about baby). He asked to use my food stamps to make her something to eat! Of course he didn’t tell me that was what it was for but pretty much because I was in his Facebook. Man, this is going to be really hard but obviously what I have been doing is not helping or working because although he wants to spend time with me and be affectionate he still wants to talk to other people. Huh I am so frustrated I am in BIG HOPES you respond soon. For now I will just continue no contact.
Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 5:12 pm

Don’t let him use you! Do strict no contact for 30 days. Were you able to do no contact without responding to him or did you respond to him each time?
Marie

August 21, 2015 at 8:45 pm

UPDATE
In addition, I told him that what we are doing wont last long and one of us is bound to move on and he gave me a look like “We’re Not Moving On” that’s when he said if he were to get married we’d still be doing what we’re doing… Do you see where I am going with this? I have not seen anyone in my situation so I can’t compare please help me.
Marie

August 21, 2015 at 8:42 pm

UPDATE:
Okay, so last night really made me even more confused if that is even possible! So we were spending time together he didn’t act mad about the girl finding out about me on FB. He actually told her that we are cool and we spend time together and he said that anyone he talks to pretty much has to be ok with it. He said if he were to have a girlfriend we would still be doing the same thing, later on in the conversation he said if he were to get married he would still do it. He said he enjoys what we are doing and that we have an unbreakable bond. Right now I just feel like he’s wants a relationship with no title what woman wants that with the father of her child. I am only in my VERY early 20’s both of us are. I know I am young but I am ready to settle down get married and extend my family the right way. I just constantly feel friend-zoned or like we are in a relationship w no title. We text eachother all day, we are together almost everyday, we talk on the phone and we make plans together… IDK I am just soooo confused…. Please HELP ME!!! 🙁
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 8:07 pm

Sounds like he has some growing up to do. Personally I think he’s not going to be the best person to settle down with. He may change as he matures but what do you really want from him?
MARIE

September 9, 2015 at 5:53 pm

I agree with you 100% I am actually in a no contact for life right now. He and I will probably most likely never be together. He told the girl he was dating that I am a hoe and he is ashamed to have gotten me pregnant. When I am ashamed. I let this man control and use me. I deserve better he doesn’t even help take care of our child let alone his other kids. I have to beg for money. I am done completely just ready to move on to better things.

Ashley

August 19, 2015 at 1:30 am

don’t know what to do, I’m so lost and concerned.
My ex and I were only together for 2 months before I got pregnant.
We had a lot of issues throughout this pregnancy, a LOT of different things added stress and I of course was hormonal.
Well, he couldn’t handle any of that and broke up with me a week ago. I’m 7 and a half months pregnant.
I’m doing the no contact rule, but we have to go to an ultrasound tomorrow.

I just, I don’t do anything wrong but he always feels the need to be so mean to me, to hurt me.
He just says all of the most horrible things to me and never put an effort into the relationship.
The thing is though, he IS a good guy and I believe he will be a wonderful father, and I want us to be able to work everything out and be a family for our daughter.

I’m just so scared that we wont get back together before he baby comes, furthermore…. I HATE the idea of him just running away when things get tough because what if he comes back on his own just because things now appear to be easier? How am I supposed to trust that. I need to get back with him before the baby comes so I can make sure he can handle the responsibility of a family.

I’m scared, confused and extremely depressed.
I managed to get through 6 days of No contact, but he sent me a message that just got under my skin and I broke NC. So I started it up again.

He just acts as though I’m going to come inbetween him and his child, which I would never dream of doing but it is something I threatened in an attempt to hurt him as much as he was hurting me. These threats happened a long time ago.

But now he says I wont be a good mom and that of all people, he wishes he never got pregnant with me.

I have serious anxiety issues and a panic disorder that has been putting the baby in distress throughout the relationship, the doctors told me to let family and loved ones know so they can keep me calm; otherwise I could go into early labour.
Well, whenever I start having a panic attack… he begins verbally assaulting me and my attack ends up getting worse.

I have been keeping myself calm and have been acting very differently than how I used to when he was threatening to break up with me before. Before I would beg for him back, and cry, and end up rushed to the hospital because I was not only suicidal but have an attack that could hurt the baby.

This time, I haven’t done any of that… but it just doesn’t seem to have had any impact.

I’m sorry if this massage is too long or all over the place. I’m just a complete nervous wreck right now.
Our relationship was amazing 90% of the time, but that other 10% was miserable and mostly caused by stresses involved with the pregnancy and his lack of effort.

I just need help and I can’t afford your book.

Amanda

September 6, 2015 at 5:25 pm

This is 100% my situation.

I was with my boyfriend maybe a month before I discovered I was pregnant, and come to find out, I was about a month into it, so I was literally pregnant the entire relationship. Everything seemed perfect and blissful at first, but as you progressed through the pregnancy, I imagine so did your hormones. What I realized is that he didn’t have enough time to really get to know me before I started getting mean and raging with emotions. Things were rushed and happening very fast. No matter how hard things got or how any times we threatened to break up, he stuck it out until about the 5th month.

I guess he had enough stress himself and we ended up having a huge fight and he decided to leave me for vague reasons like “it wasn’t the same” and “it was just going to turn sour again” and he even went so far as to say he didn’t love me. Looking at it now, I am almost sure he left because he’s scared and wants to hold on to his party life. I mean, he’s 19, so what did I expect, right? Being 22 myself, I am just as scared, but he doesn’t see it that way. He just thinks it will be so much easier for him to leave now, not talk to me the rest of my pregnancy, then probably just come back expecting me to welcome him in so easily.

Even though I have already done over 30 days of my own no contact, I am keeping it going, despite the fact that he does not seem to care about contacting me first. I am going to stick it out and if he doesn’t talk to me first, then I’ll know where I stand. I’ll let him know that I am having the baby, but the way I see it is, if he ignores me this entire time then expects me to open my arms and let him in as soon as she’s born, then he has already proven that other people matter more than me and his daughter ever will, and that is enough for to me to finally realize that he does not deserve to be on our life. I don’t know if I could trust him to be there for her after she’s born if he doesn’t even seem to care now.

I will admit that part of me does still love him and I want nothing more than to have this family with him, so I would be willing to do whatever it takes to get him back. But so far, he has proved that us two girls don’t matter and that other things and people are more important than the risk of me being homeless with our daughter, so until I really figure out what he wants to do, I’m not going to be the first one to contact, no matter what.

Maybe you should consider doing the same and just wait for him to contact first (but maintain your NC until you are ready) and seeing where you stand with him before you decide to let someone be halfway in your life just because he thinks he’s “doing the manly thing” and only being in your daughter’s life to maintain some sort of control over you.
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 4:05 am

You will have to seek professional help with the suicidal thoughts. It’s very important that you get help.

monea

August 11, 2015 at 4:35 pm

Hi. I had a question. Me and my ex were together for 7 years. Off and on. We have 3 children and 1 on the way. During our relationship he cheated and was going back and forth with Thu us one girl. Once I left him alone on our daughters birthday July 20, he got into a relationship with my cousin. He doesn’t have a job, house, money, or anything except a 2014 dodge charger that all the girls flock behind. I know he is very immature because he is young and in his twenties. Yet to me its not an excuse for any behavior of this kind. He is very cold with me. Told me he hated me and all of this behavior was because I told him I was not going to pay for him to go to school and get his GED/Diploma. With that being said, the new girl(my cousin) loves to spend money on a man. Always has. She buys him clothes, gas money, food, paid for him to go to school to get his CDL license which he is currently doing now. I feel as if he went her way to get what he wants out of her. My 3 year old son often talks about family and tells me every night that e wants his family and wants his dad to come home. How do I address this with my children? Should I just throw in the towel? I try to reach out to him for the children but he wont respond. And if he does he replies with like, “ok bye”. He is the type to keep his feelings inside. Lately he has been all over social media with this girl. One week everyday he was posting a new picture with her. And then the next it was nothing. What does all of this mean? What would you advise me to do at this point? How can I tell exactly what he feels?

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:02 pm

I’m sorry but he sounds like a total jerk. He sounds like a spoiled immature little boy and since he’s not getting his way he’s giving you and the kids the cold shoulder. Why is your cousin stepping on your toes like that too?

Do no contact for 30-45 days. Even if he contacts you do not respond. In the meantime, bond with your children. Do things to improve yourself so that when he does see you, you look and feel your best. Also include your cousin in the NC.

Valerie

August 10, 2015 at 3:58 pm

Hi Chris,
So I’m stuck and don’t know what to do. My ex boyfriend and I have been together 2 almost 3 years. I just recently found out that I’m 4 weeks pregnant. As soon as I found out I told him and the first thing he said was that he didn’t want the baby. He said he was too young. Im 21 and he’s 22. 2 days he broke up with me over the baby. He first told me to get rid of the baby but I said no, I wouldn’t do it and then he eventually said to do whatever I want. He saidif I kept it he would be there for me and for the baby because it was his. But 2 days ago all of that changed. After we argued he said good luck on being a mom and being by yourself. It just sucks because I want the father of the baby to be there. I have an appointment coming up soon that he was supposed to come to with me but after the argument he said he wouldn’t go. The last thing he said was that he didn’t want the baby. We went our own ways and that night I messaged him that I was going to keep the baby. I haven’t contacted him since. I really don’t know what to do. I’m just lost because he said he would be here but now he doesn’t want anything to do with our baby. Please help.

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 7:14 pm

I completely understand how you feel. That is a very immature thing for him to do! He sounds wish-washy and he is probably scared. He might also be trying to scare you into not having the baby. Do NOT do what he wants, do what you want! I have a feeling he will want to be a part of the babies life when the baby arrives or even before that but he sounds like a scared little boy right now. He will eventually be a man. Try no contact and ask him if he wants to come to the ultrasound when that comes up. If he doesn’t don’t be to upset, I have a feeling he will be in the picture at some point.

Laurel

July 31, 2015 at 8:21 pm

Hi Chris. I love your blogs and can’t stop reading! My ex and I recently broke up (around 7 weeks ago). I have seen him since, as he wouldnt stop messaging me when I started to ignore him.. We were talking about getting back together. However, I have recently found out that i am 9 weeks pregnant, to which he said he didnt want a baby. I have decided to keep the baby, only for my ex to say that he doesn’t want to be with me, but will be there for the baby. He has said he is happy now, and has met someone else. Do you think he will ever want to try again? We were together for 4 years.

Chris Seiter

August 8, 2015 at 8:20 pm

Hi Laurel, Thanks for your support. I’m so sorry to hear of your situation. That is really terrible of him but yes I do think you have a solid shot at getting him back. How old are both of you? It’s likely you will have to do no contact to get him back. The new girl is likely a rebound. Does she know your pregnant? (I’d recommend not talking to her at all BTW)

Maria

July 19, 2015 at 6:39 am

Hey Chris,
Very nice podcasts & very informative. I have recently been kind of stumped because I don’t know what to do with my ex boyfriend. A month ago I thought I was pregnant, and my ex boyfriend (Let’s call him Dominic) said he wasn’t going to live long enough to help me out. I am 15, so I didn’t really know what to do, so I went to my friend for help. Her mom suggested I get tested and see what happens once I confirm I am pregnant. My tests say no but my doctor says that I am only it’s difficult to determine now because of hormones. During this time I was also stressing about Dominic’s new girlfriend who threatened me to stay away from Dominic because he was going to take care of her kid (which she has no evidence what so ever). I texted him telling him the doctor told me I was pregnant & he seemed interested in the topic. He started to mention his girlfriend though and how he didn’t want to be with me because he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. But the thing is he lied about our whole relationship and manipulated me to forget about an ex of his (who he still cares for deeply). Days ago Dominic’s best friend told me to keep trying and that Dominic misses me. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him, I only want closure. But I fear that I might be pushing away my baby’s rights of having his/her father. Dominic messaged me shortly after his best friend texted me saying he wanted to call me or see me face to face before he leaves California. My family forbid me to see him and it’s difficult to talk on the phone because of the lack of privacy in my house. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 🙂
Kate

July 16, 2015 at 1:45 pm

Hello, Chris
When I broke up with him I begged him to come back. He left the apartment as we have a different nationality he went back in his home. He was very angry by misunderstanding. He left me alone. And we contacted for cancel contract of apartment.
I was out of mind it hurts me so much and he came back few days later for packing his stuff.
We decided move out both of us. Anyway I begged him as much before he left so I was kind of crazy.
However during 3,4days when I was alone I found out I was pregnant it was too shock.
I said to my parents they already we are separate but I knew I need to tell him So I did when he came home for packing.
That moment he was saying sorry and he tried to be responsible and we seemed like getting back together.
But in the afternoon I went to hospital by my self he asked me to go together but I refused because my mind was not ok be with him because of pregnancy. He started to doubt and he left home again. next day he sent me text in an hour he would leave here to go back his country and said it would be last time we would see each other.
Anyway I went to there and he pushed me drink cocktail Because he didn’t believe me anything he already had a lot of misunderstanding. I saw his face was completely different he looked at me as a lier and such a bad. And he was saying I have to change completely and he left.
He didn’t believe anything I was already too stressed and I have an early miscarriage.
My parents couldn’t stand how he did. They sent last an email to him and he even didn’t read after they sent an email to his parents with attachment it was just tell the naked truth nothing else.
During that I didn’t know anything about what was my parents doing. I had to contact him because of the apartment but when I texted him he seemed very mean and we called. of course we were fighting and he was saying he is not idiot blabla.. I got much hurt again he strongly believe that It was everything lie even email he imagine I did that. I realized it was going too much wrong and misunderstanding. So I made up mind finish all of thing.
we called face time an hour later. And I was speaking really normal and calm. we talked nicely each other him as well. We talked about our memories and so on.. and he looked like cried and I said we can cry because it would be last time we talk each other we both were saying we wouldn’t contact each other anymore we can’t contact it would’t help. we talked for 3hours. Last minute I decided to tell him by my self. “I don’t push you believe that but it was nothing lie and don’t think that way for decency. And I cried because I lost baby.. I felt really sad and depressed… but for the last he said to me he is sorry for mistakes he made for me and he loves me and we finished call. I love him as well. I believe that he still loves me but somehow from very little thing brought huge misunderstanding and I want to have one more chance with him but I am not sure for my case as we already know we looked like promise that we don’t contact each other so NC would work for me? and any recommendation you can help with it ? We can’t see each other at the moment because we stay different country he believes we can not see anymore because I left there..
I can go back but I didn’t say…. and I am really wondering if I can do any of this things I read PRO but I am not quite sure if I can do NC and normal way it so complicate I am doing NC from the last call but even my case is it working like other case ?
Could you please help me out? and any section and case I should follow PRO or website?
Thank you.
I will lookforward to your comment.

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 5:52 pm

Are you aware of the idea of the holy trinity?

I would start there if I was you.

Deby

July 8, 2015 at 10:38 pm

Hi Chris, I broke up with my ex in April begged him tocome back he didnt but was very nice. Never said any mean words to each other. We were together for four years, I am on day 19 of nc he hasnt called or texted but he likes all my fb posts and pictures. Why doesn’t he call? Btw im not pregnant

Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:19 pm

I wrote an article and recorded a podcast on the social media stuff. You might want to take a look at that.

Jen-Jen

July 8, 2015 at 8:08 pm

OMG! Would totally love the texting bible. I’ll buy anything that you’ve created so I can’t wait. I know you’ve done your research on your competitors and I feel your site is by far exceeds the competitors. So I have not purchased but was curious the comparison from your proposed text bible vs. Michael Fiore’s Text Your Ex back?

Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:21 pm

I have actually purchased the Text Your Ex Back Program and the advice there is a little general.

With the texting bible it is going to be the ultimate how to guide women are hoping for.

To be honest it may even be a little better than PRO.

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