When Should You Use The No Contact Rule - The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast

351 thoughts on “EBR 042: When You Should Use The No Contact Rule”

I'm heartbroken

February 18, 2016 at 12:42 am

My ex asked me for space and I made the mistake of being upset about and pushy! He then broke up with me and I harassed him a lot. I showed up at his home when he wouldn’t talk to me. I message A LOT. He blocked me everywhere. I broke NC many times for 2 months and messaged a lot but he never really replies. He told me he never loved me. But I think otherwise. I think if I give him time he will realize he loves me. But, I was a text gnat. He even called me crazy. But the thing is, every time I went to his home. We fought but after a while we talked normally, he always looked so happy with me. Then I’d leave and he’d go back to ignoring or treating me badly! There are signs that tells me he’s done with me but other signs that tells me he does love me but he just needs time to realize his feelings. But our last meeting with each other didn’t end so well. This time he was really upset. He walked me home. I poked his face and he turned his head but I could see him smiling. On the way home I believe he was trying to hardest to be harsh and cold to me. He dropped me 3/4 and then told me “Goodbye.” and that’s the last I ever saw of him. Do you think that I ruined my chances completely? I know he thinks I’m desperate, needy and probably sees me badly now. Do you think that will ever change? Do you think he’ll stop seeing me that way with NC?

Tiffany

February 18, 2016 at 4:41 pm

I think I acted that way because it was my first ever break up and I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to lose him and I thought if I spent time with him he would realize that he didn’t want to lose me too. But he didn’t want to see me and I tried to force my way back in and that obviously didn’t work. I did admit to him that I was being clingy during our relationship and we were spending too much time together. I’ve been trying to work on my neediness. I asked his mom to try to explain to him why I was acting that way. Idk what she said or if she made it worse. But do you think he’ll come back? Is it too late? Did I do too much?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 7:53 am

Give him space and it’s also better if we keep other family members not involved because it might annoy him more.. Finish nc first, and then let’s see if he cools off after it
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 1:26 pm

Your image in his mind depends on your actions, so if you change, it will change too..

Sarah

February 17, 2016 at 5:55 pm

Hey guys
I have been hanging with a guy friend and in the beginning he was interested and he has now lost interest maybe vendors freind zoned me. I do belive I can get him back though…he only txts me everyday he won’t talk on the phone and our hangouts are random times at night. What can I do?

Sarah

February 27, 2016 at 2:42 am

I’m just worried because we never dated and we’re never officially together if I do NC will it change anything
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 11:24 am

we can’t assure that 100%.. but start nc, so you can establish to be a ungettable girl.. do this more for you so whatever his reaction would be, you’re fine..
Sarah

February 27, 2016 at 2:38 am

Lately I’ve been ignoring him. He has been initiating texting me goodmorning and asking how my day is. So he wants to keep contact, on the wknd he tells me what he’s doing but hasn’t initiated any plans with me… do I start NC and not respond to any texts
Sarah

February 23, 2016 at 2:32 am

We hang it place or we grab a coffee. I just don’t know if I do NC if he will miss me and actually want to pursue a relationship or just think we’re still friends. I know he’s lost interest so I’m afraid outta site maybe outta mind. I know I’ve been a text gnat too though lately….
We hang alone no friends
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 5:56 am

If you do nc, he might miss you but also aim to be someone he would miss..
Sarah

February 21, 2016 at 5:15 am

Well he was into me at first and I don’t know why but he lost interest. When he cares I didn’t really care. Then I started texting and asking him to hang maybe got a bit clingy so he lost interest. He said he loves spending time with me and enjoys our time together but is busy with work. What should I do he barely has time to hang as it is. Will NC work?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 11:42 am

You can try.. you said you’re the one reaching out now right? then he will miss you when you do.. but how do you hang out? do you have a go to place with other friends that everybody just goes there whenever they’re free or you have to ask him out?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:04 am

Hi Sarah,

You said you believe you can get him back, how? what’s in your mind?

Aayushi

February 17, 2016 at 11:31 am

My ex and I broke up officially like a month ago. We’d been having troubles since before that. I’m 18 and he’s 21. He felt saying that I wasn’t good enough for him. Like, behaviour wise, looks wise, etc. I begged and pleaded and made every mistake there is to make. Like, it got to a point where he blocked me temporarily. Then, I apologized and now we’re on speaking terms. I haven’t applied the NC rule yet. But I’ve been thinking about doing it. How many days should I implement it and how should keep myself from texting him through it? Also, I feel like if I do NC too long he might forget me or get over me completely. I’m confused and very emotional.

Tiffany

February 18, 2016 at 1:03 pm

If he forgets you then he didn’t love you enough. When you love someone, it takes a lot longer than a month to forget them. I know this is a site for people who want to get their ex back but in one article Chris did mention whether you should get back with your ex. This guy told you that you weren’t good enough for him. You beg him and you’re still talking to him after he said such a thing to you. How can you do this after he said such a thing to you? Even if you get back with him, it’s just gonna be a toxic relationship where he has all the power and you’re looking for validation from him. He doesn’t think you’re special. He thinks he deserves more. Why would you be with someone like that? You need to go NC. I wouldn’t even reach out to him unless he apologizes.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 8:59 am

Hi Aayushi,

First he’s not right ot say those to you.. it also look like you’re chasing him.. and lastly, to be honest, he won’t forget after nc but the truth is, right he has already chosen to move on when he broke up..

Do nc, for yourself.. you’re more than enough he just doesn’t see it

Christine

February 17, 2016 at 8:56 am

Hello,

I’m on day 28 of NC and my ex hasn’t contacted me yet, although we did see each other 3 times during that period because we attend the same spiritual center. Yet we didnt talk, just politely said hi to each other.
My question is: I should start sending him the text messages Chris recommends after day 30.. But since he hasnt shown any interest in pursuing me, wouldnt that seem as if im the one “chasing” him? I’m worried it will have that effect and will ruin all chances of getting my ex back.

Thanks in advance for your reply! 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 9:18 am

Hi Christine,

it depends on how you deliver the first message.. just as long as you don’t tell him you still want him back and you don’t talk about feelings

layla

February 17, 2016 at 2:58 am

Could Chris write something about moving on forever and forgetting ex boyfriend? When you are just tired and you know he is wasting your time and that on-off relationship is making you feel pathetic and exhausted and you just want to move on. And how to know when is enough, some post about that…

Chris Seiter

February 18, 2016 at 3:43 am

We actually wrote an article about getting over an ex. Is that what you are wanting?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 2:43 pm

I’ll suggest that layla! Thanks!

risa

February 17, 2016 at 12:43 am

Hey guys, I have a somewhat odd situation going on. I didn’t exactly break up with him, we were in an LDR and it was too much for the both of us so we decided to go on a break until i move out there this summer. We last saw each other yesterday and i havent talked to him since (already started on NC, which is probably the best thing to do right?) Since i have about 3 months until we will possibly try again what should i be doing besides nc, taking care of my life and self, for him to miss me and want me back? I’m sure his feelings are real, but they may have died off a bit due to some drama and my neediness.

risa

February 17, 2016 at 9:32 pm

Yes, he wants to stay in contact until im there, but that wont be til im done with NC. He wants to try again once im there
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:59 am

wow that is weird..if that’s really an agreement, take this 3 months to figure out how you would live there if ever it doesn’t work or how you can contribute to the relationship to make it better if it works out
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 2:24 pm

Hi Risa,

did you mean yiu agreed to talk to each other after you move out?

Sophie

February 16, 2016 at 11:04 pm

Hello,

So me (21) and my boyfriend (27 – he’s older but it works) have been together for almost two years. The past year I have noticed we weren’t as intimate and our relationship was a bit strained. I tried to talk about it several times to him, but it just came out as me attacking him because he struggles to voice his issues with me or feelings on the relationship.
I became more controlling and demanding and snappy because of it and I didn’t realize until a few days ago when I prodded another conversation about our issues, and he finally let loose his bottled up emotions. He wanted a time out in the relationship and possible break-up. I didn’t know what to think. All this time I’d tell him if something he did upset me and I’d ask him to be honest with me, now he is honest, but he left it so long that he’s now considering it a potential lost cause, rather than let me fix my attitude.
I spoke to him last night and gave him a letter that apologized and explained for the way I’ve been acting. He still said he needed to think about it. I felt so sick, I haven’t eaten anything except a peach in 48 hours. I guess I pushed him after he said that to give me a chance because after catching him lying one time that was about something really painful, I gave him a chance too. He said he’d give it a month, but he may still need to think about it when he has some sleep and gets a clear head.
I was just hoping to kind of get an experienced outside perspective of what’s going on.
Aside from maybe not showing his love in the same ways he did in the honeymoon period, he always treats me well and I love the person he is. He did mention that because of the past year, his feelings for me have decreased so he’s not on the same level as me.
Reading the articles about how to prevent a break up and why your boyfriend has lost interest has helped me understand it a bit more, but I’d like some specific feedback on my situation if possible. I feel since we haven’t broken up that the NC rule doesn’t apply as much. I mean we live together, so I don’t know whether to give him space, or to show I’m there and support him. I just don’t know what he’s thinking and I really want to salvage what we have.

Thanks

Sophie
Kay

February 16, 2016 at 1:03 pm

Hi, I broke up with my ex of 8 months, and we’re studying in the same university and having classes together now. We were together for 3 months physically, as he was doing an internship overseas in July, and an university exchange overseas from September to December. During the time when he was on exchange, I was very needy and wanted him to spend hours everyday FaceTime-ing with me (I’m quite controlling that time…). Eventually, we had a big argument during mid-Dec as he lost a present I gave him. He spent 2 weeks thinking and finally saying breaking up with me on Dec 26, 2015.

He was back in the city where I was since January and I kept texting him almost everyday, even though his replies were very cold and it takes him hours to reply once. I managed to get him out in mid-Jan and I did all the begging, saying sorry and even hugging him. He told me he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and we can’t get back together as he’s gonna think about my neediness and being controlling. After the day I met him, I still kept contacting him through text messages while he isn’t willing to pick up my phone calls.

But when its February 2, when holiday is over and its the first day of classes, I appeared unannounced as I knew what time he finishes class. I ended up unable to control my emotions and asked why didn’t he pick up my calls, and he told me that if I continue to act like this he doesn’t even want to be friends with me. I was very hurt by his words and went into no contact on the day, even acting like I didn’t see him when we’re in the same class in the following days. On day 8 (Feb 10), he sent me a text saying he was sorry, he didn’t know how to handle this situation (the breakup) and that’s why he didn’t pick up my calls. I left the message unread and didn’t reply him. I continued the ignoring and had no eye contact with him, even when he said hi to my friend next to me when we’re in the same class, but I thought that he has no intention to say hi to me as well.

It feels very awkward right now and I still want him back… He’s also the introverted guy, and I read that I shouldn’t be making him jealous on this site during no contact for introverted guys. I’m also a bit worried about being in a LDR for several months that have made his feelings for me cool down a lot already, while not making much memories. Should I be continuing no contact in this way until I reach day 30, or do I have anything to alter?

Kay

May 20, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Too bad I don’t have someone that I want to go out with now 🙁
Before you replied me, I sent a text saying that “I saw a celebrity while I was studying”, but he did not reply and it’s been 3 days… I’m trying to make myself think that he’s busy with revision, but I kept thinking about him and the possibility of him having a girlfriend. He’s done with exams on the same day as me I think… but it’s the first time that he didn’t reply after no contact.

I just saw that he tagged that girl tht i mentioned abt on facebook again on a cat video… He denied that he has a girlfriend a few weeks ago when I got our mutual frd to ask him, but I just kept thinking about it, as he’s been on facebook every few minutes. I know I shouldn’t be checking it, but it’s the first time that he did not reply to my first message after NC in February.

Would I ruin everything and make the situation worse by asking him directly: if he’s dating the girl or if he doesn’t want to talk to me and needs space? Of course asking in a polite way… cuz somehow I want to know if he wants space and if thts why he suddenly stopped replying. I never talked anything about feelings after NC… and I still shouldn’t be talking about that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2016 at 1:01 pm

Hi Kay,

it’s better not to talk about it because he would more likely just confirm that he doesn’t want to get back with you and it will put you in a position that you’re chasing him.. feelings talk is better done when there’s enough attraction and rapport
Kay

May 16, 2016 at 2:18 pm

So I began the daily texting 10 days ago, but I can’t really engage him into a conversation. When I text him, he replies after hours, and its always him who ends the convo… and I can only get pass 3 messages maximum.

There was one thing that kept me thinking is that he made a video call through Facetime last tuesday afternoon, an hour after the last class we had together (it’s study break now). But it’s weird that he called through facetime instead of a phone call, so I didn’t ask him about it, as I thought he might have accidentally pressed it, but it still made me think of the possibility that he was missing me.

But even after that still it takes him hours to reply once. I’m feeling tired sometimes cuz it’s been months and he still never initiated or asked about me, and the convos are still one-sided. Now I think he’s been busy studying for final exams, but I don’t know if his slow responses are becuz he’s busy or simply he’s finding me annoying… Would it be bad or boring to ask him about hows studying? For now I have been hoping to keep things more upbeat but his reaction isn’t quite good… Do you think there’s still hope? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 9:38 am

HI Kay,

Try to rest from texting now and do a mini contact of 2 weeks.. continue on what you started during hte first no contact to improve yourself and focus on that more.. do a little jealousy move too by going out with your group of friends, if there’s someone who wants to go out with, go out with him.. Just don’t post anything that’s too forward like kissing or hugging.
Kay

May 1, 2016 at 4:08 pm

I tried to get our mutual friends to ask him if he got a new girlfriend, but he denied it. But when my friends ask then what’s about the public display of affection on facebook, he just replied my guy friend with a few kissing emojis”. I can’t help but think that he might be lying about not being in a relationship, but the girl is actually not in the same country and culture as us, so I have doubts about him jumping into another LDR after a LDR (due to a semester exchange in another country) with me. Should I just do NC until he initiates, if not then I’ll never talk to him again? Thinking about him with another girl and especially the girl that I often told him I dislike during our relationship makes me so angry and disappointed… Somehow I feel that keep talking to him when he has a girlfriend or someone he’s flirting seems to be desperate.
Also I actually found that I was unable to add him back on snapchat, I guess he blocked me. I’m now fluctuating between wanting him back or moving on … He’s still always on my mind, but I felt very hurt cuz I kept thinking that girl might have been chasing/flirting with him when he’s on exchange and might be one of the reasons tht we broke up… though i have no way to find out and even if I get someone to ask, I guess he’s gonna deny it. What should I do now? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 5:12 pm

it’s been three weeks that he didn’t answer you back right? that’s not good.. that means it’s better to move on or take a very long nc before trying again
Kay

April 19, 2016 at 6:19 pm

It’s been a week and he hasn’t contacted me :/
Well… I was wondering if it is ok to send messages in our mutual chat group? Does it make him miss me less?
About his sudden move to delete me as a friend on snapchat and re-add me (all this happened in like 1 or 2 days after that mystory update last week), I see that as a reaction of being jealous but am I thinking too much?

Also, his birthday is coming up next wednesday. I have a feeling that he’s not going to contact me for the remaining week… So I should initiate contact on his birthday? I’m thinking about first saying happy bday and after he replies, I’ll ask if he’s spending the day watching the Captain America movie, which is gonna be in cinemas starting on the day of his bday (he’s a fan of marvel movies haha and we watched some of them together too). What do you think of this?
Thanks Amor 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 1:00 pm

yup that’s a good time to start convo because it won’t be too awkward
Kay

April 11, 2016 at 4:37 pm

Thanks Amor 🙂 I got a bit emotional today cuz it should be our first anniversary if we did not broke up haha
So you suggest me to go in another NC for 2 weeks? Or do you mean to stop initiating for 2 weeks, but still act friendly if he initiates (somehow this is unlikely though 🙁 )? Also, is it appropriate for me to add him back on snapchat like a week later?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 8:22 am

yes, just stop initiating..and let’s hope he does.. do it after the two weeks rest
Kay

April 11, 2016 at 10:20 am

Just a while ago I saw that he’s no longer in my friend’s list of snapchat, but his name appeared in the “added me” list. I never deleted him, so I’m thinking if he blocked then unblocked me, and added me back? I also don’t know when I should add him back on snapchat, as it’s mostly the only channel for me to update pictures, as I only post on snapchat mystory and not on other social media.
He mostly views my snapchat mystories, but he never deleted me off snapchat and it’s been a while since I last sent him a snap, so I don’t think I’m bothering him in any way. My last snapchat mystory update was on Saturday which includes a few selfies by one of my guy friends, and a picture of me of a girl friend. My guy friend just randomly took my phone and uploaded a few selfies of himself on mystory and I didn’t deleted them cuz I didn’t want to appear overreacting. Did my ex made the move to block/delete me from his snapchat becuz he’s jealous?
The guy is actually a mutual friend of ours. I feel so confused cuz it’s always me who’s initiating and he only replies quickly if it’s about school stuff 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 1:52 pm

I think you should give it a rest, coz the texting seemed to get boring…but contnue with what you’re doing to improver yoursekf when you were in no contact..give it a rest..maybe a two weeks..it would be chasing if you add him back right away
Kay

April 11, 2016 at 6:44 am

We haven’t seen each other for 20 days as there was Easter holiday and some class cancellations. Classes end early-May and I’m not going to see him for months for summer holiday… even if we see each other, we don’t talk or greet each other.
So I sent him a text yesterday night and he was back to taking hours and hours to reply once with only 1 to 2 word responses. When I send things that aren’t important like exams, he takes hours to reply and its been a month already…
Tomorrow is actually the day we got together… I find it so hopeless already. Should I still text him tomorrow and act like it’s just a normal day?
Kay

April 10, 2016 at 8:32 am

It’s been a little over a month since contacting after NC. For the past week, we only talked about our course materials, as we had a test last thurs. He replied quickly and was able to even go to 15 texts for one day. He kinda initiated once… but what he said was asking me the solution to a question tht he didn’t understand. After the exam, I talked to him for a while saying I didn’t do really well, while his response was neutral asking why I think so, and saying “never mind focus on other exams”. The last few messages was me asking if he’s revising for another test (he had another test on Friday morning), he said yes, and I said good luck tomorrow. However, he did not respond to my last message 🙁

It’s been almost 3 days since tht message and I did not contact him again… I was wondering if I should wait for a few more days and see if he’s gonna initiate a convo, or should I continue with initiating messages. What do you think? 🙂 He almost never initiated other than asking me questions about the course.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 10:56 am

If you still see each other in person, try a different topic that’s interesting for him, not just exams and continue what you were doing to improve yourself when you were doing nc..
Kay

March 21, 2016 at 5:22 pm

Sigh I actually find it difficult to be in control for the convos. It’s been 2 weeks since I started texting after NC. Right now I don’t know how many texts should I be aiming for each day, the most I got was 4 texts last Thursday. But after that when I try to talk about other stuff he’s only responding with 2 words and I couldn’t keep the convo going. Yesterday I sent my text asking if he watched the music show and he responded me with “xxx (a singer’s name)? ” and I responded “Yes, the song he sang was nice but some parts were a bit weird haha”. Then he hasn’t been responding after 3 hours… hope he’s gonna respond the next morning.

Amor I want to ask if he’s just responding to my first text and not the second text, should I send another text the day after or wait a few days? How long is it supposed to be for the texting phase and is it normal for me to be stuck in the 2 – 3 texts stage for 2 weeks? I also want to ask, under wt circumstances should I go into NC again?

Haha thanks a lot for so many questions again! I was a text gnat and call gnat before, I think I improved myself a lot in terms of texting. Hope he’s going to notice that 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2016 at 1:44 am

You can go for more casual type of texts if he’s responding.. I think it’s becoming boring for him and the more natural ones will work.. because if you keep sending first contact messages it would be harf to keep thinking topics and it would be awkward for him too..
Just using what’s current is okay..

like hey, it’s a good day, how is it in your place?

if you can transition to calls that’s better
Kay

March 18, 2016 at 4:39 pm

I texted him on Wednesday and it took him 6 hours to respond to my first message, but within 10 mins for other 3 messages. He did not reply to my 5th message of saying I’ll talk to him later though. As I thought the responses were positive/neutral, I tried to say hi when I saw him and his friend walking towards my way, but he looked away so I kinda said hi to his friend instead…
I sent another text today, but got a 2 word response after 7 hours and my next text not yet responded (its been 4 hours but I guess he’s gonna respond the next day)… I guess this time my message wasn’t interesting enough and I always fail to end convos first 🙁

I’m thinking about sending my next text on Sunday. He enjoys talking about songs that he likes and we used to spend time during our LDR to watch some music competition shows together… so I’m thinking about saying “I was watching MTV and xxxx was playing and it reminded me how much u like this song!!” or “Did u watch the new episode of xxxx” which is a music show that airs every Friday but I’m not even sure if he watches this show anymore. Which text should I go for? 🙂

Also, Easter break is coming up and I’m not gonna see him for a week 🙁 I want to ask if he wants to spend a day to work on a course assignment together, but I think its likely for him to say no… Should I still try to ask him? I’m thinking that I could say “never mind then maybe we can check our answers after we’re done” even if he’s not willing to work on it together.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm

Go for the second type of text..don’t ask him yet.. there’s not enough rapport. You’re right, most likely he would decline
Kay

March 14, 2016 at 6:13 am

I’m thinking wt got wrong… so I sent another message on yesterday saying “Are u applying for the internship program? Today’s the deadline”. I sent this because he actually missed this deadline last year and was trying to remind him about it. This message took him a day to reply with “I think I applied already before”. I’m thinking whether should I respond to him with “haha just wanted to remind u cuz didn’t want u to miss it again 🙂 ” or simply end the convo without responding…

Do you think his longer and longer response times is a sign of him not wanting to talk to me? Were my messages not interesting enough or am I going from NC to texting too fast? I’m thinking of sending my next message on Wednesday or Thurs to space out a bit more, and maybe next week to ask him for my locker key saying “my friend wants to borrow my locker to put some books, can u give it back to me during class?” and maybe ask if he wants to sit together tht day to not make me appear to be chasing. What do u think of this plan? 🙂

We actually got close becuz of spending a lot of time having class and revising together. Thinking back one year ago, March was the period when we got close and when he first asked me out 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 11:50 am

Hi Kay,

Longer responses can be a bad sign but I like your idea of giving space. Try that and try your text about the locker too.. But think more topics that both of you or him can enjoy talking about. What does he always talk about?
Kay

March 12, 2016 at 4:06 pm

He did reply me after 7 hours… it was a two word response with an emoticon. After i replied him 1 hour later, he replied me 1 hour later too, which i replied around 10 mins later and he replied 5 mins later… But all of his responses are 2 – 3 word responses with emoticons.

I’m worried that doing NC again will make him move on, as its approaching 3 months for our breakup and we’re in a LDR before this happened. Is it bad to ask him thru text to sit together for class? Is it going to make things worse to keep in contact? Also, I have yet to say any memory texts… is it a bad move for me to do at this moment?

Sorry for so many questions haha and really thanks a lor Amor!! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2016 at 4:27 am

it’s okay kay :)but the ldr is before all this right and you’re classmates now, so it’s going to be harder for him to move on because he sees you everyday.. If you decide to keep the convo going in texts, don’t let it drag.. 4 texts at first is oka, then increase in the next and in the next..

If you think he’s comfortable enough with you to ask to sit with you, that’s okay but if you will appear to be chasing better not
Kay

March 12, 2016 at 9:25 am

For consecutive two days he’s been replying only my first message and not replying my second one… so I couldn’t even end the convo. I wanted to greet him on Friday after class, but he looked away so i didn’t dare to do it cuz he avoided eye contact (i was sure that he saw me). I did not contact him on friday, but then i sent a message today about a celebrity he likes, which he hasn’t reply and its been 5 hours already 🙁

It’s depressing that he’s reacting this way, first it seems fine and he’s responding but now he’s getting more cold and ignoring me. I don’t know if I should continue initiating text messages. I actually thought of asking him to sit together for a class maybe next week… but right now I don’t know what should my next step be…
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2016 at 3:16 pm

Oh, it’s better if you stop and then you start to do no contact again.. Since you’re classmates, you have an advantage of showing him that you are moving on being better. It’s a way to make him miss you and see you being the ungettable girl…
Kay

March 9, 2016 at 11:32 am

I’m trying to keep the messages light and not mention about relationships. For 3 days its been fine, with him replying within 30mins yesterday for my 3 messages. But I just saw him tagging a girl, who he met during exchange, on a Facebook video of a cat holding tight to his owner’s hand with the caption “When you never want to let go of bae”. He always knew that i disliked this girl, cuz i once saw them take a photo last October (it was nothing close, just a normal friend photo) but I got jealous and angry at him.

I don’t know if he’s interested in her, or if they’re together, but the girl is not in the same country as us. On one hand, I’m thinking he might be tagging her as they’re both cat lovers, or he might be tagging her to make me jealous (as he knows I got jealous of her before). On the other hand, I can’t help but think whether they’re together already, cuz he normally doesn’t tag people on Facebook. This is the second time he tagged her, the first time he tagged her was 1 week ago (on some cat-related post), which was 4 days before my NC period ended.

I know that I shouldn’t confront him about the girl, while I don’t want to ask his friend about the girl (as it would appear that i still cares for him deeply) I don’t know what to do… Is it possible that he’s trying to make me jealous? For the first few days of contacting, I’m the one who’s initiating all the texts. Should I still act like nothing happened and keep contacting him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 8:05 pm

Hi Kay,
Yes, it’s possible that he’s maling you jealoue and want to see how yiu would react and if you’re still the same as before..it’s ok that you’re the one initiating as ling as you end the convo
Kay

March 7, 2016 at 4:09 pm

He end up replying almost 5 hours after my message. As it was already 7pm and I asked “Wt r u doing tonight? hanging out with xxx and others? hope u hav a good time :)” . I said this to make myself sound less controlling haha :p He replied 30 mins later saying “not xxx though haha thanks”, which I did not reply as I wanted to end the conversation first. Then I stayed silent for a day and he did not contact me too.

Tbh though we’re in the same class, there isn’t a need for us to talk much since we’re not in the same group nor do we sit near each other. I don’t quite understand why it takes him hours to reply me… he’s like that since our breakup. I guess he’s still gonna reply me but just not quickly and enthusiastically (not sure if its because he’s finding it weird as its been a month of ignoring due to NC). Can I still do tide theory through text?

I’m feeling a lot better these days and I hope I can keep it up, thank u so much Amor!! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 2:56 pm

yes you can still do that, as long as he replies daily. Maybe start on being more open in person too.. Smile, lent him something if he needs it, but don’t overdo.. as always keep balance
Kay

March 6, 2016 at 9:25 am

So I’m done with my NC yesterday and sent him a message about cats (because he loves cats lol). He replied me 3 hours later with a neutral/positive response, and I ended the conversation 1 hour later with ttyl cuz i’m having dinner right now, while he did not reply to it. Today I reached out again and sent another message but he haven’t replied me and its been 3 hours already. Should I keep contacting him according to the tide theory, and should I say hi or even initiate conversations when I see him at classes, since I have completed 30 days NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2016 at 12:33 pm

Hmm.. if he’s not replying then it means the tide theory can’t be implemented.. You can try to initiate during class but go slowly… maybe a casual good morning at first will do, and then rely on right circumstance to make it more natural, like if you’re group mates, it’s okay to talk during that.
Kay

February 22, 2016 at 3:02 pm

Hi Amor 🙂
I’m on day 19 of NC and he hasn’t contact me again since two weeks ago. I have questions on whether 21 days is enough, as his message last time wasn’t really telling much and can’t be considered as positive (he just said sorry for not picking up my calls and making me feel bad). I think he’s quite stubborn and introverted, so somehow he might enjoy this silence and feeling of being alone. But at the same time, I feel that ignoring each other in university is kinda awkward, and with him ignoring me too makes me worry that this NC period might be working for making myself to miss him, rather than him missing me 🙁
Also we were in a LDR prior the breakup, and he told me that he doesn’t believe we suit each other.

I thought that I have become more emotionally stable these days, but still afraid that he’s gonna act cold and distant, or even not reply, when I reach out for my first contact text. I’m constantly having this dilemma on whether to go 21 or 30 days… Do you think its still better to go for 21 days, given his message previously doesn’t show that he actually misses me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:08 pm

I think you should go for 30..
Kay

February 17, 2016 at 12:33 pm

Hi Amor! Thanks for your reply 🙂
I’m gonna see him around 3 days a week for the upcoming days, does it still work for making him miss me through no contact?
He hasn’t texted me since last week and did not look at my way when we’re in the same classroom in university. Also, he has my locker key and I was thinking if I should ask my friend help me to get it back, or should I simply forget about getting it back until he talks about it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 9:01 am

if you need it, it’s okay to get it..but for me if you don’t need it, don’t get it for now.. It still works just don’t talk to him if it’s not important..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 1:36 pm

Hi Kay,

Yea don’t make him jealous.. I think 21 days is enough because you’re classmates… improve yourself, do other activities so that you will learn nit to be dependent on him anymore

Mary

February 16, 2016 at 4:10 am

Hi,

Since my ex is a very stubborn and self centred person.. And during our last meet up, it was full of anger and tears.. Do you suggest 21 days NC or 30 days?

Please advise..

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 11:51 am

Hi Mary,

30 🙂

Pip

February 15, 2016 at 4:14 pm

Hi,
My ex-boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me just over two weeks ago, and I have been in NC ever since (I’m on day 17). However, before we broke up we tried two weeks on a break where we didn’t talk at all – we were semi LDR so running into each other was never going to be a problem. Should I still be doing the full 30 day NC? I’m worried that it will be too long, as by the time my NC is done we will only have talked once, when we properly broke up, in over 6 weeks.
Thanks for all the effort you put in, this website has kept me sane throughout the past month!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:52 am

Hi Pip,

so technically you’re donw with no contact..you can go to the next step of texting phase 🙂

Serena

February 15, 2016 at 12:02 pm

I am a bit confused about using social media – i havent unfriended him on instagram – I want to show him what he is missing and keep myself relevant in his mind. However don’t want to seem desperate… how do i seem cool but not desperate?? and get to UG status?

Also – I am going NC and have actually blocked him on whatsapp – is that too harsh? He could still call me. Its just easier for me to go NC if he doesn’t pop up as a reminder.

Finally – last we spoke we left it on good terms saying we would always be there for each other- Will NC still work or will I just seem like a bitter and awful person?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:17 am

Hi Serena,

It means just posting what you’ve been doing lately.. it needs to be casual..Don’t add in captions that say you’re doing it to get him back or something like that.. It’s for him to see your physical, social improvements when he checks your profile or see your posts, so he would think you’re trying to move on and not wallowing in self pity…

Also it’s not harsh because he can still call you…
It’s good that you have left in good terms…that will be easier to reconnect

May

February 15, 2016 at 12:49 am

Hello Ms Amor, I am a freshman in highschool and I’ve been broken up with the guy since november.
He was the one who broke up with me, because the relationship was too “stressful”.
Anyhow, I’ve done no contact, and also I got a new boyfriend after him who I broke up with just recently because I didn’t like him as much as I did my ex.
I started texting my November ex last sunday, and it was positive, we texted til late at night, and it was all the positive responses.
After the sunday, I texted on monday night, then thursday night, and then I texted friday night but didnt respond to him til late on saturday night. All the conversations went on til mid night, and it was positive.
BUT I got no response to the text on Saturday night (I texted a funny story).
He didn’t open the message although his facebook stats say he has definitely been online, so it’s evident he has seen my message.
I feel like I am in a very dire situation right now, and I don’t know what exactly to do next.
Can you please interpret what this means, because he didn’t respond although we’d had positive conversations that lasted long.
And also, can you give me some pointers as to what I should do next?
I feel like double texting would be pushing things a bit too far, since he already chose to ignore me.

Thankyou!

May

February 16, 2016 at 1:35 pm

Thankyou for your reply.
Is it necessarily a bad thing if he never texts first? And is it okay for me to be one who keeps texting first?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 6:46 am

It’s okay if he doean’t initiate contact at first..but later on he should be initiating too
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 5:33 am

Hi May,

let’s wait for a week at max before you send another text..
May

February 15, 2016 at 4:01 am

I have an update:

He did reply, he just took a whole heck of alot of time to do so.
After his reply, we exchanged about 4 texts all together(all positive), and he ended with a “bye”.

It would help if you could still give me a loose interpretation of what his behaviour could mean, and also some pointers on how long I should wait before I start a new conversation with him again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 5:37 am

Oh that’s good he did.. you don’t have to wait a week then.. of you feel it’s getting boring take a rest at 2 days…think of a topic that is interestig for him.. your texts doean’t have to last all night, it’s better if it could to calls later on..

Hana

February 14, 2016 at 5:41 pm

Hi Chris/Amor, would it be possible to do an article on getting an ex back after many months apart or little to no contact? How could you tackle that situation?

I know there’s an article on getting an ex back after a year or more apart, but I don’t know if that’s applicable to my situation as of yet.

Hana

February 15, 2016 at 2:50 pm

Hi Amor!
That would be great if you could. I’m in a situation where my ex and I broke up 7 months ago, where there’s been very little contact and extended periods of no contact, we were together for over 6 years. Not sure if it’s too late to make it work and get him back.
Thanks in advance.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:38 am

Well th good thing about that is you get to go ahead in the texting phase.. Yiu need to think of a topic that he really loves to talk about, use that as a remembrance text
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 12:41 pm

Hi Hana,

why not?

Mary

February 14, 2016 at 5:09 pm

Hi,

Thank you for the previous reply.

So things went pretty bad last week.. I stayed with him after he came home with the hooker.. He was drunk.. Crying and telling me he didn’t want to break up with me.and he is still in love with me.. So he suggested we could talk the next day. I agreed, but unluckily it didn’t go well. I was hours late for the talk and he was furious. He didn’t want me to stay at his place and I was crying. He called cops on me, and I was extremely upset. I was crying on the street and the heartache was just too strong.. and I slapped him really hard. He blocked me on whatsapp.. And today on V’day, I post up a pic with a flower and a pic of myself, I found out that he blocked me also right after I post it up. Should I still do the NC for 30 days!? And do you think it’s gonna work? I don’t know why he is angry with me, he was the one did something wrong… I need help

Please advise 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 12:36 pm

Actually that’s even more why you need to do it… do it for yourself.. Ot’s been toxic, you really need to heal and learn to love yourself and not be dependent on others for it

lily

February 14, 2016 at 12:11 pm

hi carol!
i met this guy through facebook. we talked a lot. i exactly know we started talking on 21st feb and things were great!
i can’t describe the kind of person he was he was all good. he would talk all good with me. he was deeply in love with me. even when it was my fault, he apologized. warmth was there and that innocence was there. he was loyal and what not!
but he was doing all good. only he was doing everything. i did nothing. i just kept on dragging that so called relationship. i wasn’t serious for him and he was deeply committed to me. all i did was to hurt him. i just wanted him to leave me at that time Now i miss how good he made me feel! how special he made me feel! i regret each and everything i did wrong to him. i really miss those moments. now i’m changed and he told me once you murder someone, it doesn’t really matter if you’re changed. i just regret about each and everything i did wrong. he says he gave all his collected love to a wrong person and i just used it as a pillow.
now he seems changed! no matter ho hard i try. i’m trying since so many months but nothing affected him.
i guess he’s frustrated now and my current condition is beyond pathetic. it’s been about six months i’m not stable. i’ve cried every single day and every single moment. i can’t help myself! i don’t know. all i want from life is to get him back. i really apologize about everything. i just want him back

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 10:48 am

Hi Lily,

Truth is, it’s up to him if he forgives you and so, for the mean time send a sincere apology.. and then if he doesn’t accept it.. give it time before you try to reconnect again

Sarah

February 14, 2016 at 5:42 am

Hi, since I broke up with ex bf for ayear and half, I reached out this amazing web site.
Here is my rough situation.
We broke up because I had been so frustrated and selfish recently (the one of the reason was my situation changed)and he coudnt see the future of us.
He suggested ‘just be friends’, like all his ex being his friends.
But I cant be just friends and told him that.
So we talked if staying together or breaking up 3times. But ended up he finished.
He told me ‘you might be ok to be friends in the future’
Right next day of breaking up, he texted me, ‘how’s thing going?’. I ignored it. But 3days later, he texted me again’ are you having ok week?’. I tried doing NC but answered it a week later. ‘I’m ok, I didnt know how to reply…’ Something like that. Then, he response like ‘I was about to message last night but you need time not talking to me…’ Then, we texted a lot at the night. Since then, we texted each other every day.
I want to be his girlfriend again, not just a friend.
Do you think he is really trying to be friends? Do I have any chance to get back?
How can I change the situation in romantic way?

I look forward to hearing from you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 9:08 am

Hi Sarah,

so, it looks like he really wants to be friends.. Good thing is he’s easy to reach but what you need to avoid is being friend zoned.. so, it’s like you’re in the texting phase already but haven’t done the activities needed during nc so, do that.. improve yourself, and post it in social media, don’t be too available for him..end your texts in high note and keep him interested

Lisa

February 14, 2016 at 3:33 am

Hi Chris,

I tried everything you said. Even purchased your materials and followed everything yet nothing worked. He still won’t even talk to me. Wont tell me what’s wrong, why he left, if he is mad, if it was someone else, if i did something to him, why is so angry, why he hates me NOTHING!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 7:58 am

Hi Lisa

what do you mean by everything? I would love to hear story..

Mia

February 14, 2016 at 2:17 am

What if my ex also doing some sort of NC? He doesn’t check his Facebook anymore, he haven’t been online for days and he doesn’t contact me so I begin to wonder if my NC will be succesful at all if wants his space, obviously because he would be at least curious about my posts on FB.
I know he’s trying to move on, this time for good and maybe I should do the same but I miss him so much and the thought that he doesn’t want to know what is happening in my life ( a lot is happening) is killing me. Does he protect himself like that or he doesn’t care?

Mia

February 15, 2016 at 2:19 am

Thank you Amor.
I would also like to ask you or Chris why isn’t friendzoning ex boyfriend effective as NC? If he still has some feelings, wouldn’t that be more effective? Because he thinks his ex gf has feelings for him and that gives him some sort of power and security. But if he thinks that he is just her friend, wouldn’t that bother him and made him even jealous?
I mean, do I really have to do NC? I got him back once like that but now I told him in one fight that I will cut him off if he leave me again and he would never see me again and than we were on friendly terms later and he mentioned that my threat in joking tone and if I really do that, I am afraid he will be too hurt to ever talk to me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:04 am

You’re welcome!

Actuallu nc starts as friends first with the goal of leveling it back up to being couples.. What we pertain that’s not good is if you’re the one that’s friendzoned… if he thinks of you as a friend only
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 7:51 am

Hi Mia,

we’re not sure if he’s protecting himself or he’s just bc but he will eventually be online and if he checks your account, at least you already have a lot posted.. But in regards to him being silent, that can be good for the both of you to get kind of a restart too.

May

February 13, 2016 at 9:06 pm

I really don’t know what to do. On about day 12-13 of no contact, my ex texted me three times, one being a very long heartfelt message… the last message was him wanting to know if I was okay. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep but I just couldn’t. I caved and answered (I at least tried not to text back immediately, I waited like 7hours) and probably made a huge mistake when I added the part that I still think about him a lot too. Since then, he hasn’t texted me or anything, it’s been about 4 days and I think I was just wondering if I should just restart no contact or if I should reach out and talk to him.

TIffany

February 15, 2016 at 3:01 pm

Don’t talk to him anymore. Those messages were most likely just breadcrumbs seeings as there was no follow-up. Breadcrumbs are basically when your ex messages you with no indication that he wants to get back with you. He’s probably “checking up on you” or trying to relieve some guilt. If he wanted to be back with you he would say so or at least put in some effort. Don’t message him “one last time”. I have done it A LOT. And each time I would get hurt because he didn’t answer and when did I would find out that his feelings haven’t changed and still wants this break up. Whenever I’m dying to message him, I think to myself, how would I feel if he didn’t reply or told me that he just wants to be friends? Because surely, if he decides that he wants you in his life he will reach out.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 5:59 am

Hi May,

ok… one last, try to reach out to talk..if it doesn’t work restart nc but stick to it

kea

February 13, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Amor,

Im currently on day 16 into NC, my ex bf of almost 5 years has yet to contact me. I broke up with him because he said he’s not ready for commitment, and to be honest i think he’s checked out of the relationship since a year ago. Today i learned from a mutual friend (didn’t ask for this info, friend was super insensitive imo) he’s been very active on social media (which I’ve unfollowed), and he was never the type who would use social media a lot. Also, I learned from one of his friends today that he actually didn’t tell ANYONE about the breakup. his friend was quite surprised when he learned from me. And apparently just today someone asked him about me but he just acted confused, but he didn’t tell that person that we’re broken up. But then that person didn’t push the question further. I don’t know what’s happening? He’s VERY introverted, so I don’t really know what’s going on his mind. This is the first time I’m dealing with someone with this type of personality, could you perhaps give an insight as to what you think is going on in his head? Realistically speaking, do you think he’s totally over me and I should just give up completely? Any advice is appreciated, thank you

KEA

February 15, 2016 at 7:16 am

hi amor thank you so much for replying

i should probably add that we’ve broken up twice before, and both times he initiated the break up and i asked for another chance (even though the first time was because he liked another girl, and second time because he wanted to be alone). so i guess we’re kinda on and off. I promise myself this time I won’t beg for another chance, so I don’t know if i should reach out first? Also, if what you said is true, 16 days may not be as long for him, should i increase NC to 45 days? I’m on day 19, and he has yet to reach out and seems to be having the time of his life (i don’t think he misses me at all…)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:14 am

He’s human..of course he misses you at some point.. It’s ok of you want to go 45 days.. and it depends kn how what you send as a first contact text to not appear as though you were begging for another chance
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 5:53 pm

Hi Kea,

I think being introverted may be one of the reasons why he hasn’t mentioned it to anybody else and maybe he looked confused because he was wondering why that person was asking about his relationship..

The thing with introverts is you have to reach out to them more, that can also be one of the reasons why he hasn’t texted you after 16 days.. because they’re very comfortable with themselves or being alone, no contact can be beneficial for them in some way..It gives them time alone which they love… not that he doesn’t miss you but 16 days may not as long for him compared to you..
We actually have a blog post in dealing with introverts.. here it is:
Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Approach Them)

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