Your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend…
It’s a frightening idea isn’t it?
Well, today we hear from Rosemary a woman who this has actually happened to.
I apologize on the sound quality of Rosemary’s question. I take full responsibility for it because it was one of the first questions I had actually received and I hadn’t quite figured out how to use the technical aspects of the podcast yet.
To recap for those of you who had a tough time making out what she was saying,
- She was with her ex for 2 years.
- They broke up 4 months ago.
- He got a new girlfriend after they broke up.
- He is making excuses to see her.
- She wonders if she has a chance.
Here is what I talk about in this episode,
What I Talk About In This Episode
- What it means when a man gets a new girlfriend after a breakup.
- Rebound relationships.
- Being a “Common Enemy”
- The grass is greener syndrome.
- Why an ex contacts you when he has a new girlfriend.
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
Reviewing my Podcast on iTunes
EBR 007: Make Him Regret Cheating
The New Girlfriend Game Plan
Do The No Contact Rule
This one is pretty self explanatory. You should do the no contact rule so you don’t make him feel wanted and he can’t get the best of both worlds by making you friends with benefits. After all, if he gets any of these things he isn’t going to leave his new girlfriend and come back to you.
Go On A Date With Someone Else
He might respond well to jealousy if you go on a date with someone else and subtly let it slip to him that you were on a date. I like the movie text which is outlined on this page.
Send “Memory Texts” To Ex Boyfriend
The idea here is to send text messages that your ex boyfriend will respond positively to and it will also alienate him from his new girlfriend and potentially cause a fight between them. USE THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK because it can backfire and you can become a common enemy between him and his new girlfriend.
Time Is Your Best Asset
Time is really your best asset when it comes to getting him back in this case since a lot has to happen. He has to break up with his new girlfriend, you have to build attraction and he has to want you back. So, be patient!
The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast Needs Your Reviews!!!
I know it may seem like I am making a big deal about this but that’s just because it is a big deal.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI really need you guys to review the podcast on iTunes so it can continue to thrive.
So, please, please, please, please give me on honest review on iTunes,
Podcast Transcript
Welcome to Episode 10 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I’m really excited to have you here today. Today we’re going to be talking about what to do if your ex-boyfriend gets a new girlfriend. This is one of the more asked-about questions on my website, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. I’m really excited to feature this question today and dive into what goes on in a man’s mind during this process.
Before I do, I have a side note. If you haven’t already subscribed or reviewed the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast, please do it. If 30% of the people who listen to this podcast reviewed it on iTunes, we would be taking over iTunes. It would be crazy.
You don’t have to give a good review if you don’t like it. Just give an honest review. I’m trying to push more people to get out there and review this podcast. It would really help me personally. It would help the brand. It would even help you because it would extend the life of this podcast.
Let’s hear from Rosemary with today’s question:
“Me and my ex-boyfriend were together for two years. We broke up four months ago. He has a new partner. He still comes up, making excuses just to see me. Do you think we’ll ever get back together?”
Thanks, Rosemary, for your question. I know, for the listeners, it was a bit hard to hear her. That’s my fault. This was one of the very first questions that came through when I launched the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I hadn’t really learned how to use the SpeakPipe application that allows you to send a voicemail over the internet. I take full responsibility that you couldn’t hear Rosemary’s question very well.
If you didn’t hear it very well, I’m going to recap it. Rosemary is wondering what to do if her boyfriend has a new girlfriend. This has happened to Rosemary. She was together with her boyfriend for two years. They broke up four months ago. He has a new girlfriend. Her boyfriend keeps making excuses to come see her. We’ll talk about that part later. She’s wondering if she has a chance at getting him back, and if she does, what should she do?
This is going to be a general episode. I’m going to give you the knowledge that you need to know about men who get new girlfriends after a breakup. I’m going to give Rosemary a game plan for how to approach the situation going forward.
The first thing I want to talk about today is what it means when an ex-boyfriend gets a new girlfriend. The first thing that I want to point out here is that we are not going to live in La-La Land. We’re going to think very logically and do whatever it takes to improve Rosemary’s chances of potentially getting her ex back.
I feel the need to put forth a little disclaimer here. If your boyfriend has a new girlfriend, your chances of success are slightly lower. I am a very strong proponent of percentages. Whenever I look at a situation, in my head, I do this mental percentage. It might be, “This has a 60% chance of success.” That might be for a general breakup. Certain situations will not have as much of a chance for success.
For example, if the girl cheated on her ex-boyfriend and she wants her ex-boyfriend back. Maybe that 60% chance gets dropped down to 30%. I would say that your chances are slightly lower when your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend but I have seen multiple cases where women have gotten their exes back when their exes have moved on.
The disclaimer is not to get a big head and live in some sort of dream world. It is not going to be easy to get your ex back if he has a new girlfriend. Your chances will be slightly lower, but it’s possible. It’s not an impossible task that some people like to make it out to be. It’s possible. I’ve seen hundreds of women in these situations succeed.
What does it mean when he gets a new girlfriend after a breakup? He immediately moves on to someone else. This can mean a lot of different things. The first thing that comes to mind is that he’s using the new girl to get over you. Men don’t move on as fast as you think. Here is an example to illustrate that point.
Let’s say that you were dating this guy and he broke up with you. Then, a week later, he’s on to some new girl. I’ll add some backstory. You dated him for over three years. After three years, he broke up with you. A week later, he found a new girl. He most likely will not have the connection or deep internal closeness with this new girl that he had with you. She’s just new.
It allows him to forget about you for a little bit. It’s hard going through a breakup. Men don’t want to deal with the emotions or sadness that goes around a breakup. What they might do is use another human being. This may not be the nicest thing for the other human being. A man can use another woman to distract himself for a little bit.
Here’s the issue. Sooner or later, he’s going to have to confront those feelings. When he does realize what he’s doing, using this girl, he’s not going to have the same intense feelings for her that he had for you. That could be one potential reason why a guy would get a new girlfriend.
Another reason that springs to mind is revenge. Sometimes a man will date a new woman to make his ex angry. You see this when men who move onto someone new rub it in their ex’s face. It’s like they’re saying, “Hey, look. I’m dating someone new. Look at me.” You see this a lot on Facebook with obnoxious pictures being consistently posted. Clearly, it’s meant for the other girl to see.
When women realize that he’s trying to make them angry, they get upset about this. They think, “Oh my God. He’s over me.” That’s not the case at all. Think about it. If a man is really over you, he’s not going to think twice about you. If he wants to get revenge on you, that means he’s thinking only about you. On some weird subconscious level, he still cares about you. He cares enough about what you think. You can use that to your advantage, which we’ll talk about later when we get to Rosemary’s situation.
Let’s move on to the next reason why men could potentially date a new girl. The next reason is kind of a downer. It is possible that he moves on to a new girl permanently. We cannot throw that out, unfortunately. I know that a lot of the women here are trying to get their exes back and their exes have moved onto someone else.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIt may also be possible that they like the new girl and they want to move on with her. That’s not to say that you can’t potentially win him back. If that is the case then it’s hard. Let’s not live in a dream world here. If he likes the new girl and really thinks there’s a future there, then it might be best to let him go. That’s the honest truth.
Let’s talk about rebounds now. Rebounds really play into this a lot. There are two ways that I look at rebounds. Here is the first way. A rebound is defined in that your ex-boyfriend moves on super-fast after a relationship. He’s finding a way not to confront his feelings. There’s no way that he’s going to feel strong about this new girl if he’s moving on super-fast. Rebounds rarely ever work out in the end.
The thing that no one ever talks about with rebounds is the fact that, yes the time between the breakup and how fast it takes him to move on matters, but the time that he actually dated you matters as well.
Let me give you an example. If your boyfriend dated you for a year, broke up with you and then he’s on to a new girl a week later, this would be classified as a rebound. There is no way that he has gotten over a year-long relationship in a week. There’s no way that he’s going to have the same amount of feelings for this new girl as he did for you over the course of an entire year.
The one exception to this is if he dated you for a week and moved on a week later. I would say that it’s not likely a rebound in that case. That’s the interesting thing about rebounds.
You get this idea of the grass is greener syndrome coming into play. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve written a few articles about the grass is greener syndrome. I’ll put an article in the show notes of this episode. The grass is greener syndrome works in one way.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “The grass is greener on the other side?” Let’s imagine that you live in a house with a yard. You like your yard. You like it a lot. You work hard on it. But you start seeing other yards. You say, “Their yards are a little bit greener than mine.” You decide, “I’m going to get a new house with a new yard. I think it’s going to be greener than the yard I have.”
Sometimes, people get a new house and a new yard, and the yard is greener. Sometimes, it puts things in perspective and makes them realize, “The yard I had before was actually better.” The same principle applies to relationships. Sometimes a man can leave a relationship because he thinks in his head, “I can do better than her.”
Then when he moves on, he determines if he can or cannot. Sometimes he’ll find someone and think, “I’m glad I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. She wasn’t right for me. The new person I found is great.” Then you also get the men who break up with their ex-girlfriends, move on to someone else and start thinking, “Man, I made a mistake. My ex-girlfriend was 10 times better than what I thought. I can’t believe I did that.” This is the grass is greener syndrome.
This also comes into play when you get the new girlfriend. I like to tell women that men are always doing these comparisons. He’s going to compare his new girlfriend to you. In the relationship, you set the bar to a certain height. On the scale of where this bar can go, the lowest is a 1 and the highest is a 10.
Let’s say you set the bar at an 8. Your boyfriend gets used to it and takes it for granted. He decides, “I think I can find someone better than her.” He moves onto a new girl. He’s going to grade her on the same scale that he graded you on where you scored an 8. The only problem is that this girl scores a 6.
All of sudden, he’s going to look at these two comparisons. On the one hand, he was dating someone who scored an 8 on the scale. On the other hand, he’s currently dating someone who scored a 6 on the scale. He’s going to think, “I made a mistake. I need to go back to my ex.” That is what you’re hoping for. In a way, your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back hinge on how your relationship worked with him and how much he enjoyed the relationship.
An interesting thing that can happen sometimes is, when he moves onto the new girl, he raises your score. Her score puts your score in perspective. Maybe you were a 7. Now he’s with the new girl and she’s a 4. He raises your score up to a 9. He thinks, “My God, I had it so good before.” Keep this in mind.
Let’s move on to Rosemary’s specific question. Let’s focus in on her game plan. When I look at Rosemary’s situation, there is one specific thing that really stuck out to me. That is the fact that her ex-boyfriend keeps finding ways or excuses to contact her while he has his new girlfriend. Rosemary, you and the listeners may be wondering why he’s doing that. There are a few reasons that come to mind.
The first is that he wants to feel wanted by you. This almost plays into the grass is greener syndrome and the bar theory that I explained. He is doing these comparisons between you and the new girl. Maybe the new girl isn’t making him feel wanted so he’s turning to you to pick up on her lack of success in that area. That could potentially be one reason that he’s contacting you.
Another reason is that he may want the best of both worlds. He may be trying to set up a friends with benefits situation, where you can make you into the friend with benefits and keep her clueless about the situation. He can kind of get both of you at once. That’s a mean thing to do, but that’s how guys are sometimes.
You may be wondering how you approach this situation. If you engage him, appease his need to feel wanted and give into the friends with benefits, he’s never going to break up with this new girlfriend. Why would he want to do that? He’s getting the emotional support he needs from you while getting physical benefits from you and also getting everything else that his new girlfriend is providing him. I’m assuming those are physical benefits. You do not want to feed his need to feel wanted in this particular case. He’s obviously not going to break up with his new girlfriend if that happens.
In this case, I recommend doing the no contact rule. It seems to me like you broke up with your boyfriend four months ago but you’re still in contact with him. You need to not contact him. You need to really work hard not to make him feel wanted right now. There is a time when that will become important in the future. Right now, you don’t want to make him feel wanted. The no contact rule is the best way to do that. Listen to my last episode, Episode 9 of the podcast, to gain more insight into the no contact rule. I’ll put some no contact links in the show notes of this episode so you can freshen up on it.
The no contact rule alone isn’t going to help you get him back. You want to work on yourself during the no contact rule. Go on a date with someone else. Make him aware of it in a very subtle way. Jealousy can work wonders in these situations. You may be thinking, “That’s kind of mean.” Think about it this way. What is he doing to you right now? You know he has a new girlfriend, yet he’s finding ways to contact you. It’s fair if you do the same thing to him a little bit. He’s setting the precedence here.
Use some jealousy tactics to your advantage. Go on a date with someone. Do not kiss them. Do not lead them on. Make it a friend date if you have to, but make it a date. Then, subtly let him be aware of it. The movie text is a great way to do this. The movie text is when you send your ex-boyfriend a text and say, “Hey, I saw a great movie with a friend.” Make sure there is emphasis on the friend so he will think, “Did she go with a guy or a girl?” His mind will go from there. He will think, “Oh my gosh. She went with a guy.” Hopefully, you’ll bring out some jealousy in him.
After this, the thing you don’t want to do is become a common enemy between him and his new girlfriend. You don’t want to become their common enemy. What happens when people have enemies? They unite together and work to destroy that enemy. The last thing you want to do is alienate him so much to where you become the common enemy. Let me backtrack. It’s not alienating him. It’s alienating his new girlfriend. She’s the one who can potentially unite them against you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou may be wondering why I’m telling you not to become the common enemy. That’s because I’m using it as a warning for what I’m about to tell you next. This next tactic is one of the most important tactics that you’ll have to do. At the same time, use it at your own risk. It could potentially unite them against you.
What is this tactic? Send specific text messages to your ex-boyfriend. It seems like a simple thing. It seems like a hands off type of deal. It’s not like you’re trying to break them up. You’re just texting your ex. What you’re hoping will happen is that they get into a fight over this. She’s insecure about him texting his ex-girlfriend.
Personally, I think it would work on any guy if his ex-girlfriend was texting him and his current girlfriend got a hold of it. I think it would cause a fight between the two of them. You want to have him feel so alienated by her that he breaks up with her. You’re trying to get him back. That’s what you want to have happen. This is a subtle way to do it without being pushy about it.
It can backfire on you. It can unite them against you to where he brings it up to her and says, “Hey, she’s contacting me.” Rather than causing a fight between the two of them, it’s going to unite them against you.
Here is a side note. I talked to my wife about this. She was advising me on what she thought about this situation, specifically the texting your ex thing. She seems to think that the new girlfriend would give him an ultimatum, “It’s either her or me.” I think men hardly ever respond well to ultimatums. There are certain cases where they will respond well to them. I think if you really want to have an aggressive approach to getting him back, this is the way to go.
You may be wondering what kind of text messages to send to your ex-boyfriend. I’m going to put a link in the show notes to this episode of text messages. If you really want great messages to send your ex-boyfriend, you need to pick up Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, my ebook. That has step-by-step text messages that you can send to your ex-boyfriend.
I know I was a little spotty on this explanation at the end. Let me go over it again so you can grasp the game plan. The first part of the game plan is to do the no contact rule. You can do it from 30 to 90 days. I highly recommend 30 days. I don’t like 60 to 90 at all. I like the 30 day no contact rule. Step one is to do the 30 day no contact rule.
Step two is to use jealousy by going on a date with someone and using the movie text to slip it into your ex. Step three is using specific text messages to bring up past memories with your ex-boyfriend and potentially cause a fight that could be the demise of his current relationship. That’s the best game plan that I can think of for you. I don’t recommend being super aggressive about it. Time is really going to be your best asset here.
Like anything, relationships typically end. I think this is more of a rebound relationship. It seems like he dated you for two years and he’s onto this new girl. I don’t know how recent they’ve been dating, but it certain seems like they’re in rebound territory. Rebound relationships do end. Maybe you wait it out. If you want to be proactive and do something about it, the game plan I just gave you is the best one that I can come up with for your situation.
That’s Episode 10 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Thank you for listening. Please subscribe. Please leave an honest review on iTunes. It’s vitally important that this podcast gets reviews because it keeps the podcast up and running. It keeps it successful. That is something we definitely want to do. Thank you so much if you decide to leave a review. Thank you for listening. I’ll come out with another episode tomorrow. Episode 11 is going to be really interesting. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Marina
June 28, 2024 at 8:05 am
I might be a rebound.
SL
June 18, 2020 at 5:53 pm
I am also long distance. He found another girlfriend and continued to connect with me emotionally, sexts, etc., and meeting up during his relationship. He then indicated that during the pandemic quarantine he wants someone local, but he kept talking to me at first. She moved in with him during quarantine. He kept saying things suggesting he wanted to have kids with me, or would take care of me, etc., during this time. We then transitioned to more of a friendship discussion (with me occasionally sending him more and him liking it but telling me to keep it limited). She discovered it, broke up with him briefly. I got too needy trying to get him to be with me during this break, and he cut off contact with me and got back together with her, apparently like promising her not to talk to me in exchange for getting back together. He blocked me. But he’s posting things on public social media that seem directed to me. He never posted relationship things before cutting off contact and now he posted pictures of them together.
I know I should do no contact but when should I reach back out to him if he’s made clear that he needs me not to contact him while he’s in this and promised her he wouldn’t talk to me. If this is about having some local during the pandemic, do I just do no contact until the pandemic is over–might be a year but I am deeply in love and willing to do it. I just don’t want this to be a situation where out of sight is out of mind and he moves on forever, developing a deeper bond with her. I would hate if I texted him because she would see it, but he hasn’t blocked me on text or LinkedIn. Just everywhere else. Maybe I send him a LinkedIn “thought of you when I read this article” thing in a few months? Or no contact until he contacts me after the pandemic?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 12, 2020 at 10:27 am
Hey SL, no you do not need to tell him anything just go into a 45 day No Contact, work on yourself and understand that he is taking advantage of you and the other woman by keeping you both around. As for her moving in and him telling you he wants children etc. Take this as a sign of WHO HE IS as a person especially when he has only just moved in with someone else. 45 days of NC and then start following the being there method if you still want him back
Jenna
February 17, 2018 at 10:16 pm
My boyfriend left me for another girl. He said their relationship is not serious. Does this make it easier for me to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2018 at 12:17 pm
Hi Jenna,
If they’re not serious, yeah, it does..
Brandy
September 13, 2017 at 3:30 pm
We were together for 13 years. I started to feel resentful in the last year because he wouldn’t move in with me or propose to me. I was very distant that last year, looking back he was trying and I was the one being resistant. Well this past May we things started to go badly. There was this guy at work who started to make me feel good about myself again. This really made pull away from my boyfriend. So the whole month of May I really didn’t do much with my boyfriend or even acted interested in him anymore. Me and my boyfriend went to a wedding on June 4th, looking back he was really trying and I had put up so many walls. I just wanted the night to end. We fought on the way home. Not even sure about what but I know that it was all my doing. We didn’t really talk after that. On June 9th this girl posted pictures of herself and dinner and drinks and tagged my boyfriend in it saying “Thanks for the birthday dinner!” At this point I went ahead started dating the guy from work. On 2 different occasions after this my ex saw me and the new guy out on 2 different occasions. I could tell he was hurt. The next thing I know my ex and the girl from the birthday dinner have been inseparable. Since about mid June he has taken her on 2 vacations, moved her in to his place, began apartment shopping with her etc. (Me and the new guy only lasted a few weeks- I realized that I was not over my ex and needed to heal or try and get him back). Now this is where is gets good- he took me out for my birthday (mid august) and during that dinner told me he missed me and still loved me. It was just like old times. He told me that the new girlfriend has a lot of problems and he thinks he rushed into things with her. Told me that he wanted to work things out with me again and would be willing to go to therapy and work on us etc. Held my hand, kissed me goodnight. The next day he called to tell me she was moving out and he wanted to hang out with me. We hung out. No sex or kissing or anything like that. We watched tv and talked a bit about our future. The next day we spoke a little bit too but that evening he started to pull back from me and stated that he thought things were moving too fast and he wanted to do things right by us and he needed to separate from her completely before he could move forward with me. Told me he was trying to do things right. The next day I didn’t hear from him. So I contacted and him and asked him if he thought I was stupid and I knew that he was back with her. He did not deny this. Instead he said “you know we never would have worked out, you always told me I wasted 13 years of your life” I was crying, I was a mess, I called him and text him over the next 5 hours asking him for a face to face conversation. Told him he needed to say that to my face. He ignored all of my requests. I initiated no contact that night. Since then she has “moved out” twice. And each time he has reached out to me. Coming to my house, texts, voicemails etc. We also have a dog together that he has been trying to see. I did not break the no contact rule with him during this time. Now this last time she moved out was on 9/9. This time she actually moved out all of her stuff. That had not happened before. But then I found out that she moved it into an apartment that the 2 of them had gotten together. She moved he did not. The last 2 times she had moved out (8/27 and 9/9) it was because she “cheated” and “slept over a guys house” So he had been reaching out to me like crazy again. I did not respond. I was on day 19 of no contact (9/10) he saw me walking the dog and asked if he could say hi to her. I let him. He told me that the girlfriend was moved out, he’s not looking to get back together with me but is hoping to reconnect so he can see the dog and be friends with me. I told that I didn’t trust that she was out of the picture. He stated that she is and he’s not going back with her. I told him his words didn’t mean anything and he would have to prove it and he stated that he would. I told him to contact me in 30 days if she was still out of the picture. He was crying and very upset but stated that he would prove it to me. The very next day I saw him driving and she was in the car with him. I called him immediately and left him a voicemail saying that from now on I would appreciate it if he didn’t contact me anymore and that he would not be seeing me or the dog anytime soon. I was calm, cool and collected in the voicemail and even wished them the best of luck. He responded with a text that stated he should be able to see the dog along occasionally regardless of his decision to go back with this girl. He then made a low blow at me saying that I started seeing someone and having sex with someone and it didn’t work out and that’s not his problem. The next day was his birthday (yesterday) I called him to tell him he could see the dog and say goodbye. Told him it is not fair that he keeps coming back into our lives every time the 2 of them break up. We were on the phone long enough for him to tell me that he’ll always love me but we won’t be getting back together, I always told him he wasted 13 of my life, I had a boyfriend first, I should meet someone new so I can get over him, getting back together with me would be a waste of his time, everything with her was a misunderstanding and what he thought happened actually didn’t, they barely fight and they definitely don’t fight as much as we did, she doesn’t treat him badly (reports around town and from him have stated otherwise), he’s choosing 3/4 months of loving her over 13 years of loving me and the dog and that he will respect my wishes and not contact me anymore. I have started the no contact rule again. Today will be day 1. I don’t think 30 days is going to be enough. I also don’t think he’s ever going to leave this new girl. What should I do? Is she a rebound or does he really love her and that’s why he keeps taking her back? His own words about her to me have been “she has too many problems, I think she’s an alcoholic, she cheated on me, she slept over another guys house (2 separate occasions), I think I rushed into things, I don’t know how I feel, I’m confused, I’m not confused anymore- I’m done with her, I’m choosing her over you” etc. So many mixed messages and he keeps going back and forth. They are going on 4 months at this point. Please help lol
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 15, 2017 at 4:08 pm
Hi Brandy,
If he started seeing and talking to her before the break up, she’s more likely a grass is greener case.. Do at least 45 days..
Key
July 30, 2017 at 4:38 pm
Amor, my ex boyfriend has a new girlfried, it’s been 4 months now.
We had a long distance relationship so the only thing I can do is write emails. We have exchanged a couple emails since the breakup (I always initiate contact). However, he’s been telling me the new woman gets mad if he talks to me so he said that I could communicate to him but only every couple of months… the line of communication is “open” but conditioned. Somehow doesn’t feel right, especially because he said to me initially he wanted to remain friends.
I told him that given the circumstances it would be better for him to write me when he wants to catch up and I’ll respond. He responded saying “thank you, I appreciate it, I’ll do it when the time is right”.
Did I messed up by saying “you write me when you want (because I won’t do it since it causes you problems)?
I don’t think he’ll do it anytime soon… and if there is no communication, am I doomed?
Thanks for your help Amor 🙁
Key
August 4, 2017 at 4:03 pm
I understand. Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 6, 2017 at 9:35 am
You’re welcome!
Key
August 1, 2017 at 11:52 pm
I am sorry Amor, I don’t quite understand :/
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 3, 2017 at 6:52 pm
Sorry, it was incomplete.
I meant, set a limit on until when you would wait for him to initiate..if he doesn’t initiate after that time frame, you have to move on.
Key
July 31, 2017 at 11:49 pm
:'( … damn…
Yes I did NC twice: for 15 days / for 40 days. And since I told him “write me when you can” it’s been 22 days now 🙁
I’ve been postíng not much on facebook frankly. That’s the only social media he could “spy” of me. He still has me on skype so I changed my photo there.
I’ve worked on myself, I’ve learned a lot from the break up and I told him about it… but nada.
Amor I feel very sad… I don’t now what to do. Help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 1, 2017 at 4:50 pm
That means you have ti set a limit on until you would wait for him to initiate before moving on
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 31, 2017 at 3:36 pm
Yup..that was a wrong move.have you done nc? How long did you do nc and when did you end it? How much did you improve and were you active in posting?
Key
July 16, 2017 at 4:19 pm
I have a question… do men dumpers get into rebound relationships?
My ex bf broke up with me 3 months ago and he started a new relationship 1 week after the break up. I send him an email and he wrote back saying his new relationship “is doing well (for the most part)” and told me it wAs nice to know about me but that I should write every few months or his new gf would get pissed. It seems like he is committed to his new relationship, right?
Help me Amor 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 18, 2017 at 9:00 pm
yes, a dumpee can get a rebound but you can approach it like the advice above.. But it looks like your email you already showed you’re still interested in him.. So, do no the no contat rule first and then do the advice above.
Amelia
July 14, 2017 at 6:21 pm
Hello!
My ex bf and i were together for 1 year then this girl showed up and he started dating her after 6 months after our breakup. He is with her for 5 months already. I did the nc rule and now i’m building rapport. Somedays
Cassia
June 17, 2017 at 6:32 pm
My ex and I dated for almost 2 years (would have been 2 in July), he broke up about a month and a half ago, I went into NC right after then texted him when it ended. When he responded he asked if we could talk in person (I sent a “guess what?” Text), so we set a date, met up, and he apologized for what happened. After this we texted for about a week then met up again. We were both having a good time, but then he told me that he was currently seeing someone. When I asked him why he told me he said it was because he didn’t want to keep anything from me, then I asked if she knew that he was spending time with me and he said no. He made a few comments about our relationship saying that it was perfect, pure and that he knows he screwed it up. I don’t think he thought that he had the option to get back together with me, so I made a slight suggestion that I wasn’t opposed to the idea, which made him smile.I believe he started seeing the person sometime during the NC period. I told him that I was glad he found someone that fit him better, and he said that she wasn’t necessarily better, and told me the break up wasn’t my fault. He also seemed very unsure when she came up from time to time. I’m unsure if what to make of this situation, some of my friends think that he’s using me, while others believe that he still loves me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 19, 2017 at 7:01 pm
you’ll only know as time passes.. so continue building rapport and attraction
Emma
May 29, 2017 at 9:46 am
Hi,
so me and my ex were together for three years he split up with me completely broke my heart..
he got a new girlfriend 6 months later I did NC sussesfuly might I add.. who comes crawling back a few weeks later my ex telling me he’s unhappy with his relationship.
Anyways they split up me and my ex got closer and spent more time with each other.
A few months later I get completely dropped again for this new girl that he’s now with.
I’m obviously angry and upset I was there for him through a lot including the death of his dad.
I immediately go into no contact and complete 45 days later he texts me via a Friends phone through Snapchat he says that he had to block me because his girlfriend hates that he had me on there.
We casually talk for a while then I cut the conversation and don’t text back.
I’ve just gotten off the phone with him we’ve been talking for an hour.
He told me he’s not not happy in his relationship and lately he’s been thinking about how our relationship was better and stronger than the one that he’s in now and how much he Wants to sleep with me and how he would do anything to relive some of out intimate nights again.
He’s admitted to using my pictures to help him along the way during the nigh TMI I know but still..
I don’t want to get my hopes up thinking we will get back together and live happily ever after he’s still with his girlfriend and I’m not the type of person to do anything to harm their relationship. It’s just coincidental how he talks to me yet again when he’s not happy.
Do you have any advice?
Thanks
Emma xx
Emma
June 2, 2017 at 10:56 am
Hey I have asked him he said that it’s a tough situation she has kids from a previous relationship and he feels like he can’t leave her because of her kids and stuff if that makes sense
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 2, 2017 at 7:42 pm
so that means he will not leave her.. its up to you, if you still want to continue talking to him and be friends..
Emma
May 31, 2017 at 8:17 pm
Hey,
Nothing really I agree with him that I wish we could have those times back and we flirt with the idea and nothing more..
the past few days he’s phoned me every night and told me he wants us to try again and would do anything to have me back in his life..
he’s told me that things about his relationship that he’s not happy about and I’ve always diverted the conversation somewhere else…
I love this guy so much I don’t know what else to do anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2017 at 5:13 pm
then ask him if he’s telling the truth, why is he still with her?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2017 at 4:32 pm
what did you say to him when he told you that?
K.
April 24, 2017 at 3:55 pm
Hi Amor! so… tbh my ex broke up with his ex to date me, I think it was the “Grass is greener” thingy. I knew it eventually, but I forgave him bc I really, really, really loved this guy. But we dated for 6 months, then he broke up with me due to a lot of fights occured. Duirng our time, he always made me worried bc some days, he disappeared for almost 24 hours and didn’t text me a message telling me he’s fine. That was why we fought so often. I’m currently 3 weeks of NC. I have been thinking a lot. Was I the rebound girl? Please tell me what you think. When we were together, he kept going on about building a serious future with me, that I was different than all his ex’s and female friends.
Just hours ago, I found out he’s been tagging this other girl (not his ex) on FB posts. But this girl, I saw her in my ex’s messenger few months ago during our honeymoon period. I don’t know how long he has been texting her, I bluntly asked but he didn’t answer. He liked everything on her timeline. He even LOVED her shared post about matte lipsticks, only him. I have a strong feeling he’s dating her just like he what he did with me. He could have had a rapport with this girl and eventually broke up with me to come to her or date her a few days after we broke up. Is he in a rebound rls again? What is my chance of getting him back? There is still a solid reason behind the fact that I still want him back. I still see the good in him that nobody gets it. But please do, be honest with me about this whole situation, I can take it both ways. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 29, 2017 at 8:24 pm
Yep, it looks like you’re the rebound.
Sarah
April 8, 2017 at 5:23 am
My ex and I were together for 5 years and he started dating that new gf almost a week after I think because they went on vacation already after 2 months together. Which reminded me of the texts I found 6 months earlier – I think he was at least cheating by flirting with her. We are texting and meeting again next week. I am wondering if he just wants to be friends after I told him I wanna be friends and I am seeing someone else. He posted a photo of them and tagged me in another one just to make me see it (so childish!) – But when we broke up, he cried a lot. I know there is love still for me but he seems very happy with her. What do I do? I am very unhappy and not sure if I should just move on or try? And what do I do when I meet him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 5:32 pm
just be calm when you meet.. do you want to do a no contact rule?
Sarah
April 8, 2017 at 5:22 am
My ex and I were together for 5 years and he started dating that new gf almost a week after I think because they went on vacation already after 2 months together. Which reminded me of the texts I found 6 months earlier – I think he was at least cheating by flirting with her. We are texting and meeting again next week. I am wondering if he just wants to be friends after I told him I wanna be friends and I am seeing someone else. He posted a photo of them and tagged me in another one just to make me see it (so childish!) – But when we broke up, he cried a lot. I know there is love still for me but he seems very happy with her. What do I do? I am very unhappy and not sure if I should just move on or try? And what do I do when I meet him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 3:33 pm
just be calm and dont be emotional
Tiffany
March 8, 2017 at 4:07 am
We were childhood friends before he became my boyfriend for 2yrs. We were so happy until early this year he had problems with me, problems that he only misinterpreted, like he thinks that I didn’t care for him because I don’t check his message (I trust him A LOT and I respect his privacy), he thinks I’m no longer as sweet to him as before (he’s not very sweet to me either, I just wanted him to make the first move because I always do that. I just want a give and take situation), and he thinks I’m already dating someone else (No, I’m very faithful to him. It just so happen that I prefer guy friends than girls because guys are more goofy and more straightforward). There are a lot more but everything are all misinterpretations. I didn’t know he thinks that way because he never told me anything. I had the impression that everything’s fine because we still continue to be “childish” everyday, like pinching cheeks and the like. Then all of a sudden, after my birthday in February, I caught him chatting with another girl so when he slept, I checked his messages but it was deleted then the girl texted “Boo :)”. I freaked out but controlled my self and asked the girl. She said theyre just friends so I told her that I believe her and if I found out that she’s lying, I won’t hesitate to post her name on Facebook. My bf told me the same thing, that they were just friends and he’s only making her a diversion to his problems to me, but he still needs to break up with me because he needs time and space. I guess it was my mistake to give it to him because a week later, I found out that they were now a couple 2 days after we broke up. I found this out when he forget to logout his Facebook in my laptop. In my rage I did the screenshot thing and cursed both of them and all negative words you can imagine. The 3 of us are all in the same company so when he found out about what I did, he immediately resigned. Btw, I removed the post 30mins after when I got hold of myself. Idk why i did that maybe because i was a very understanding and patient person (he’s well aware of that) but that situation made me reach beyond my boiling point. During my depression he would tell me that he made a mistake and he compared me to the new girl saying i was like a 9 and the girl was 6. But he has doubts of getting us back together because of the Facebook incident. He confessed that the girl is still his girlfriend saying “I can’t let her go now that my life is ruined. Everyone thinks I’m a cheater and everyone thinks she’s a whore. She’s all i have right now”. Then today he went to his hometown to think things through. He told me that the last thing on his list is to get back to me, but he’s not angry and i know he still cares for me. I’m just not really sure how to deal with this but I started the NC thing. His family likes me as i was their family friend since we were kids. What else do you think i should do to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2017 at 1:22 pm
Hi Tiffany,
You have to let him be for now and to keep improving yourself.. He’s embarrassed.. But maybe once he sees you’re just moving on from all of these, he would too and then later on he would be willing to be friendly again..
Sam
January 5, 2017 at 12:12 am
Hello. My question is what do I do after they break up?
I dated my ex for two years. He broke up with me saying he had feelings for someone else but he would get better. He said he didn’t really want to break up just take some time apart. A week later, he is in a relationship with this new girl. I want him to be happy so I leave him completely alone. He contacts me after three months saying he misses me, can’t stop thinking about me, etc. He says he will leave her but after almost three more months, he never does. I get angry and stop talking to him. After a couple weeks, he contacts me again. After talking for a while, we meet up and have sex one time. Soon after, she found out and forbid him to talk to me. I had just started dating a new guy and told my ex. We say goodbye in a permanent sort of way. Then five days later, he starts talking to me again. We’ve been talking for about a month and a half just friendly chats, nothing sexual. I found out through social media that they’ve broken up. From what I can tell, she broke up with him. He hasn’t told me yet. He’s still talking to me and it’s only been a few days. Their relationship lasted eight months. The guy I was dating broke it off with me recently because he was having feelings for his ex. (Go figure.) Neither of us was that enthusiastic about each other. We parted as friends. However, my ex still thinks I’m dating someone else. It’s too soon to do anything but I’d feel better if I had a game plan moving forward. Is it possible to get my ex back? I don’t want to be his rebound for her.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 7, 2017 at 4:06 am
Hi Sam,
yeah since both of you are single now.. Just keep talking and now that you have more free time, go out with your other friends, more likely he’ll notice that you don’t post pics with your recent bf.
A
January 4, 2017 at 9:58 pm
My ex and I were together for 8 years. We were never married but lived like a married couple. We bought a house and have a daughter together. We broke up 6 months ago after he found out I was cheating. He later also admitted he was cheating too. We tried to make it work, but he said he couldn’t get over what I’ve done.
I tried no contact but it didn’t work.
I still hope we could get back together but I can’t see it happening. He immediately started talking to his now girlfriend the night we broke up. They’ve recently made it officially between the two of them. He even met her family over the hoildays.
He recently texted me telling me to move on because we’re never getting back together and he never thinks about us.
I know all the signs are pointing to move on. But I love him and I feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Not only for myself but for my daughter.
Is there any chance of us getting back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 6, 2017 at 7:57 pm
Hi A,
honestly, if he already said that, then you should really move on because it sounded like he said it after you begged, right?
Nuchi
December 18, 2016 at 7:18 pm
My ex and I went on a first date yesterday after no contact and friendly texting. We caught up, I found out he’s in a rebound relationship which he portrayed so negatively to me, nagging, she being jealous of me, lots of red flags, talked about breaking up with her twice, in month 1 and month2. On the other hand, we had a great date, text book. Sharing memories to which he responded positively, both of us agreeing how great our relationship was, how well we got along, rarely fighting unlike he does now. We spent the entire day together, also ended up on getting a bit physical. He held me in his arms, we had long passionate hugs, pecks on the cheeks, no real kissing, I didn’t let him. He told me he misses me and wants to me again soon. Afterwards he texted too and said what a great time he had and that he was very thankful. I want him back, it’s been my plan all along. I plan to give him space so that the rebound plays itself out, but is it better that he knows I have feelings for him still? That I want him back or miss him? How much should he know if anything? Would it be ok to meet up again? I feel I have a chance, but I don’t want to blow it!! Thank you!
Lily
December 24, 2016 at 12:26 am
For me, it was like I was the “grass is greener” girl. My ex broke up with his girlfriend to do what he called to “get the chance to know me.” After we dated 4 months, about the same time they had dated before, he broke up with me is now with her. He will watch all of my social media, but not like my pictures. He recently deleted our picture on his page and put up them as his profile picture. He also will sort of act interested when I make changes or talk to him, but then show disinterest. I did a 45 day NC, and have slowly tried to build up rapport and attraction. It all seems to convince him more to be with her. What should I do?? Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 9:36 am
Hi Lily,
you need to back off if it’s not working, because you would really look like chasing when you’re still pushing after it’s obvious that he’s not interested anymore. The least days you can rest is two weeks, but if this has been going on for a long time, you have to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 22, 2016 at 7:51 am
Hi Nuchi,
I think it would be better to let them break up first because it’s hard to break a relationship, if he can see he can have you both, he might not break up with the other girl, if the other girl doesn’t want to let him go too
Emma-Louise Wills
December 15, 2016 at 9:22 pm
Okay so we were together for 2.5 years we split early this year and I was heart broken I did the stupid crying and begging for him to come back and I quickly realised that it wasn’t going to work. We remained friends and spoke to each other every and every now and then we would arrange to go ont to the pictures or for drinks we tried our best to stay friends, a few months in we decided to try seeing each other exclusively for a few weeks it was great we were flirting meeting up more and we’d even slept together. Few weeks later he told me he kissed someone else and we ageeed to just stay friends. In September he started dating some girl. Not to sound big headed but she was a downgrade and the complete opposite of me she had a rough past of drugs and alcohol etc 2 kids and is also bisexual.
Anyways long story short we stopped talking I successfully might I add done the No contact rule and of course he tried talking to me but I didn’t give in.
When it came to talking again he told me he missed me and still had feelings for me and then came the long conversation of how unhappy he was in his relationship with this new girl and I acted like the caring friend and offered advice and was someone for him to talk too. She didn’t know we was still talking he didn’t tell her because she would go absolutely crazy and argue with him so he thought best not to tell her.
So the past few days they have been going through a rough time and last night it all kicked off she doesn’t particularly like me and she hates the sound of my name being brought up and kicks off, last night my ex went on a night out with a few of his mates in my hometown and she kicked off on him thinking he was with me, and he snapped and defended me telling her she was out of line bringing me into it and calling me fit to burn. So today basically they’ve argued all day he’s spoke to me and told me what’s gone on and everything and they’ve basically split up..
I still have feelings for my ex and I do want to be with him I just don’t know what to do now what do you do when an ex gets out of a relationship with their rebound? What am I supposed to do?
Can you help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 17, 2016 at 1:27 am
Hi Emma,
if you want him back, then you’re so close now.. Just continue being friendly.. Dont say anything negative about the other girl
Christy
September 18, 2016 at 4:19 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and I dated for 6 years. After having talks with my friends, I realised many things about him. He is the controlling type, the check-ups on me, the paranoia of me going out with friends and such. He always seemed to always needed me to want him and to need him (now I’ve realised). I have compromised a lot for our relationship, loved selflessly. He was very good at guilt tripping me, so much so that I often took faults for things that I know now were clearly not my fault to begin with. In our fights, it was always me who went crying and begging for him. As for, I would say I clearly am self-abusive – thinking everything was my fault.
Early this year, this got cold between us because I was out of state and couldn’t see him nor spend as much time talking to him. He was mad at me, but I knew he was hurt too. My trials to talk to him often turned into cold shoulder treatments from him and one word replies. He began saying that I wouldn’t put effort into meeting him and stuff. Truth is, as I have realised now, was that he couldn’t understand that this isn’t a fairytale and there are times when he can’t always be my number 1 priority.
Over time of cold shoulder treatments by him and having the blame on me, I actually took the blame to myself once again and felt that it was me who wasn’t good enough, it was me who was hurting him. Eventually, I decided I needed to take a step back and I needed some time to figure myself out and to fix things. I distant myself from him thinking that it was me who was hurting him. However, he kept on harping on me, bringing up about the past bitterly. (Today, my eyes have been opened to see that he didn’t try to talk things with him, asking me what was wrong or reassured me that he loves me above all and such.) I was blaming myself even more for the way he was hurting and being unable to figure things out. It came to a point where I told him to move on, in hope he finds someone better and such. I even told him that I could not have him hurt and broken, not in my hands especially. This period went on about 4 months. During that period, we did speak to each other here and there, however casually. Whenever he brought up about the past, I didn’t want to speak about the past that I was still blaming myself for. To him, I was enjoying my life, when really, I was hiding all the pain and tears away from him. I figured it was pointless for me to go to him when the problem was me and I didn’t know how to be that ‘good enough’.
Came June-July, I was ready to make amends. To have our lives together again. However, he again ignoring me and blocking my calls and text. I was begging and pleading. Made my mistake of those spam text and drunk call. Completely drew a pathetic portrait of myself to him. Came August, he changed his profile pictures to a picture of him and a new girl. I never would have ever thought or believed that this would have happened to us but there it was. I tried talking to him into coming back, he told me it was too late and all. I even asked him if I wasn’t good enough. He said to me “Nope. You left. So not good enough.” He said things to me like we had a good run, telling me to move on and that it was too bad we can’t have each other for that.
I have tried talking to him a couple of times, but he kept his replies cool and often one word replies. Because I took a step back he felt like I have moved on and no longer wanted him, while I was on the other end suffering the blame i had on me, hiding them from him. Mutual friends have agreed that what happened between us is a complete big misunderstanding.
What are my chances today?
Is it all too late and gone now?
What can do to undo all of these, to have another chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2016 at 1:09 pm
hi Christy,
if he’s relaly controlling, then he’s abusive.. you have to move on from him, instead of trying or waiting for him to change
María
July 17, 2016 at 9:03 pm
After and amazing three year relationship a break up, seven months of “I want you I love you but I don’t want to be with youright now” and finally a succesful no contact rule, my ex and I started talking. Today just playfully I told him he seemed really serious/mysterious without his whatsapp picture (he used to have one with his friends). Just after he got the message he updated his profile and put one with this new girl and replied. I have no idea if she is a rebound or not. During my no contact, he contacted me a few times and always, when he realised I wasn’t going to answer he would put a picture with her and then the next day or so would change it again. Then he went on a trip with his friends (she was also there since they now share friends) he would change constantly his picture with her and then like write to me (so I would be sort of forced to see it). When we started talking again he had a picture with her, but changed it a couple of days later right after we ran into each other.
I remember, befor the nc, he used to tell me she was annoying, that physically it would fell better with me, that he didn’t feel the same connection… but regarding this last thing he said that perhaps with time it would be as it was with me.
Is she a rebound?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 19, 2016 at 3:59 pm
Hi Maria,
yeah.. it looks like he’s using her to make you jealous
Amy
May 31, 2016 at 6:35 pm
My ex and I were together for only 2 months but we’re best (flirty) friends for about a month before that. I’m going to try and make this short, basically he has a drug and drink issue (at the age of 17) and we’ve been split up for nearly 3 months. We’ve tried to stay friends but had many arguments so I did the nc rule (without a single message from him) and when we started talking again everything was great. He has always went back and forth with me about wanting to be friends then wanting nothing to do with me (just a side note, he has Aspersgers and ADHD). So a few weeks ago he told me he was having suicidal thoughts again and I managed to calm him down, through text, and told him to talk to someone. The next day, I heard from my best friend that my ex had phoned her bf (who is his friend) when on ecstasy and said he wanted nothing to do with me. So I confronted him about it and he didn’t deny it nor confirm it. I was extremely confused because nothing had happened. And just a week before that he phone me at 2 in the morning telling me how badly he needed me in his life as a friend, however he was drunk. And now today I found out he has a new gf of a week, which I never expected from him because I assumed he didn’t want a relationship. I’m very confused at this point in time.