How To Get Out Of The "Friend Zone" With Your Ex Boyfriend

275 thoughts on “EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The "Friend Zone" With Your Ex Boyfriend”

lisa

September 15, 2015 at 8:28 am

Is really being friends with an ex bf bad? because i understand he will see me in that light.. but it’s to start fresh and by starting fresh he sees that as being friends.. so If i never message or ask to see him.. It’s clear he won’t but someone you dated for 6 months and talked everyday for 2 months before that.. and his attitude of being “fine, busy and not emotional” how can any strategy even apply?
Silvia

August 30, 2015 at 2:04 am

Hello chris,
your posts are really helping me out.
Having ideas how to get my ex back,
but also I to put my value more than him.

I have a slight question. My current situation is that
I’m doing long distance relationshi, and will be able
to see him next January. The thing is that now after break up we are texting like friends, which that I am friend zoned. But im my case, isn’t it different?
If I want to get him back, it will be possible after 5 months from now. What I am thinking is that, it I apply no contact rules with him, I think after 5 months we won’t even have some connection to meet him back.

For my case, which is long distance and friend zoned, does the same rule applies ??

Thank you

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:46 am

Have you tried the NC?

Casey

July 22, 2015 at 10:54 am

Hi Chris,

I’ll try keep it short in terms you will understand, detailed where necessary.
The situation is met a guy online, we were together very briefly. Poor timing equalled we hit it off, it was amazing. Within weeks I had to go away (for study), then I came back, he had to go away (family). Had a few intense dates then he backed off. We stayed friends and in contact while I was away until “it was feeling like too much of relationship for him” he broke it off over the phone. I did NC like a pro. He came back almost 30 to the day. He said he wanted to be friends and see where it went.
We didn’t get back together, however 5 months of (frustrating as hell) mixed signals e.g midnight texts, emotional reliance, flirting but no sex, I know he was texting other girls online but he never talked about it, and every time I got close to him he freaked out and lost it at me. We had some really great days together (a lot) and then, I got friend zoned.
I had followed your advice during this time and remained patient until he dropped that on me. I was upset and called him on it, I said it wasn’t fair to lead me on for so long when he knew how I felt. Which he did. When it ended it was like a couple breakup. Very intense conversation but didn’t end in yelling or tears. We got cut off the conversation, over a few days (I stepped back) he said he would call and then he ghosted me.
I then contacted him through FB a month later, he responded but half assed saying if I still wanted to be friends that was ok and if not it was my choice. I felt like I was wasting my time then and said I didn’t want to be friends because I wanted more. His response was he didn’t think I could give him that and that I scared him (ie the freak out when we got close). Convo ended.
It’s been 3 months and I’ve heard nothing. I know friend zoning is difficult to come back from. I don’t think we were honestly just friends. I just could never pin point the problem.
I’ve no idea as you wouldn’t if I’ll ever hear from him again by his own volition. I’m still thinking of him [a lot] but also don’t want to waste my time either.
I guess as you have been asked trillions of times before. Is it worth it?

FYI I think your work is the bomb…

C
Bointy

July 12, 2015 at 11:51 am

Hi Chirs. I made another comment since I can’t reply to your reply. On itunes, only the last 22 episodes are available, so therefore, no show notes. Your podcast player doesn’t have show-notes either. Is there something I’m missing? I would have really liked to see them.
Bointy

July 5, 2015 at 12:46 am

Your shownotes are no longer on Itunes for this episode. I need help with the mixed signals. What do you say to make it seem like you’re interested? If he tries something sexual what do you say? Say I’m not attracted to you anymore? Say I don’t care about you like that anymore? Won’t that discourage him? How do you indicate you’re into him without anything sexual?

Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:46 pm

Really?

Are the shownotes just not showing up at all?

Nix

May 23, 2015 at 3:28 am

Hi Chris, I was able to complete the NC. We got to talking, he’s been responding positively for a couple of weeks or so. And then we had this one conversation where he wanted to rant about a fight he had with his brother and I realized it’s like he only wanted me to be there the way I was when we were together. Like basically getting the best of both worlds except were not together anymore. I ignored it for a while but a few days after I thought I’d try the same to him when I got into a huge fight with my mom. I asked him to call me and told him to tell me any story just to distract me so I can cool off very quickly. He insisted on asking what happened but I didnt wanna share coz I was too upset. He complied for a while and when I was ready to end the call he insisted again if I was okay, what happened, and since I was so upset that night and basically the fact that he might have just wanted to be there like a friend or stress reliever or whatever, I asked him (and this might be my big mistake) what are you doing, why, what do you want or what do you feel that you have to do these things. And we basically ended up having hours of talk about our situation, how he feels its complicated and that he’s undecided and unsure of everything. Like he wants me back but not really at the same time. I told him since were both undecided, I’m willing to walk away because we cant keep acting the way we did before exept were not together anymore, it’s selfish to want the best of both worlds while not having any responsibility of the relationship. I told him if he still loved me, he gotta do something about it and I will too but if he doesnt he should close the door and I’ll close mine too. Then a couple of days after he texted me saying “Sorry I couldnt sleep my exams will be in 2 days and I thought talking to you would help me relax” I did not respond and I got really upset how it’s like he’s using me. AFTER we just talked about how we shouldnt be doing that. I don’t understand. Please help?
Anu Dhiman

May 21, 2015 at 6:41 am

First of all thanks a lot for replying and Thanks a million times for this job you are doing. May God bless you with all the love and happiness in the world. You are the only friend who is helping to guide us for what we want.
And YES ! I started NCR. And completed it successfully till 22 days. 23 rd day he called up again and since my sim was in an old handset it didnt show up his name (though i recognized his no.) and the instinct was so strong that i just took his call behaving as if i dont know who is calling. Then, obviously later had to recognize, said hi Shantanu.. and tried to avoid talking, spoke very less, said give me some time and i would get back to u……he was eager to meet, wanted me back as a friend, said he still loves me but as a friend, wanted to know what is happening in my life, if there is another guy, how much more time do i need, has been thru my fb and complimented me for the pics…. and in the end it though it was very difficult for him to accept that i want him to disconnect… he said he wants to say one last thing….. and it was a very heartfelt, deep, intense…… i miss u, bye.
I hope iv not broken the NCR and as such the min time uv mentioned is 21 days. And after that I v succesfully completed the tenure to 30 days (I hope that situation can be considered a sudden hit on and I v not broken the NCR)
Then on the night of 30 th day ie yesterday he called again and had sent a forwarded msg on watsapp which i didt open to read and neither took his call.
Later in the morning on 31st day around 11 am i texted him as u have directed the first text shud be and then asked about his call last night. In some time he responded saying he wanted to know how am i idoing. Also I read the msg he sent… it was a fwded msg showing that the husband or the wife is the most important person in your life, which he firmly believes. I totally agree too but Why he has sent it to me. It seems he wants me just as a friend and is trying to tell that he would not leave the other girl who is probably going to be his wife. I am totally confused as to how shud i proceed and shud i or not be his friend.
Please do keep guiding.
Thanks
Anu

Anu Dhiman

May 26, 2015 at 6:00 pm

After NCR it seemed initially that he came back but then it seemed he is moving away. He said if he doesn’t get married to the other girl then he would definitely want to marry me. He said he wanted to meet me very strongly and very soon. He said he loves me but….there is a but now. Earlier he was madly deeply in love now still he loves ‘but’
Slowly his urge to meet changed into a fear that something wrong might happen if we meet and then he would not leave my hand.
And his behaviour also shows the thing which in turn also disturbed me and forced to think that will it b right if i want to marry him in such a scenario when he himself isnt sure about his love. May b he s just doing it out of stress. So i told him that we shall meet only wen he is comfortable and that he shud get his ifs n buts cleared in love before we proceed. He thanked for my response and in later conversation he says.. that if ever he will feel that he is nothing without me and i am the best for him he would come back to me. And at that time if i m married then also he ll b happy.
Im getting confused. On one day he is telling me about his plans with his wife and on next day he says he ll come back later if he feels so.

Jennifer

May 3, 2015 at 9:55 pm

My boyfriend of over two years dumped me roughly 3 months ago and I just realized he friendzoned me. He got a new girlfriend cause he said I rejected him and he had to move on, 2 weeks later they broke up. When he told me he told me he loved me and missed me and we should probably start over and while I wanted to say yes I told him give it time. So after a bit of time i mentioned it and he pretty much said no he never had the same feelings for me and its over, we’re just friends. Will I be able to just put him in the friendzone given that situation? how?
Sara

May 3, 2015 at 12:16 am

So what if a guy ends things with you, you leave things on good terms. He says he wants to stay in touch and have a friendship and maybe things can go back to how they were before. He plans to meet up over lunch and then….begins ignoring you? So basically, what happens when you are “Friend-zoned” and then, cut-off?
Kay

May 2, 2015 at 6:59 pm

How to get an ex boyfriend back if I’ve cheated and been friend zoned. I did the no contact for 30 days and he was very pleased I messaged… He is still friend zoning me. I’ve read everything you had to say on cheating , yet how do you I do the reverse psychology when I’ve sworn off of other men.. How can he be the gay best friend? Also, tell us more about hot and cold situations 🙂

Thank you so much
Lily

April 18, 2015 at 4:51 pm

Oops sorry I posted it twice!
Lily

April 17, 2015 at 8:27 pm

Hi Chris, unfortunately I am seeking your help again. If you don’t remember from previous, I successfully got my boyfriend back. I want your advice and opinion on some things that are happening with us right now. You’re honestly the only person I trust with this situation. If you only have time to answer one of my questions please answer #3! 🙂
My boyfriend and I have been together again for close to one month. We decided to keep our reconciliation quiet for a while and not tell anyone so we could have some time to figure things out. We both thought it was a smart move to do this. Everything was great and really wonderful with us until his parents got involved. His parents suspected something was going on with us so they read through my boyfriend and I’s texts to each other. They frequently read our texts when we first started dating 2 years ago, but I thought they had stopped. He didn’t tell me a lot about the conversation, but his parents confronted him about it and they had a talk with him about our relationship. Originally, all my boyfriend told me about it was that they told him we needed to slow our relationship down because we’re both young (I’m 18, a senior, and he is 17, a junior) and they had lost trust in him. I was fine with slowing down, and our relationship’s intensity was knocked down several pegs. He acts alright in person, not super intimate or anything since we’re still keeping it a secret, but in our texts we’re not flirtatious or anything at all, we were after we got back together. I’m guessing he’s afraid of his parents reading our texts. Just yesterday he told me that during this talk with his parents, they told him they did not want him dating a college girl because they want him to “get the fullest out of his high school experience.” I am going to a community college so I will still be living at home, but I am certainly not the partying type, I would never do anything like that. Also, he will be going to college the next year, and his parents don’t want him to have a girlfriend back home. I fail to understand how having a girlfriend in college will take away from his high school experience, or why his parents wouldn’t want him to have a girlfriend back home. This has never been an issue until we decided to get back together, not that my boyfriend told me anyhow. During our first relationship, both my boyfriend and I felt that his parents did not like the fact that he had a girlfriend. I’ve always thought that his parents keep him on a very tight leash. He would ask to come hang out at my house, and they would tell him no and not have a legitimate reason for why he couldn’t see me. Or he would ask to see me, they would say “we’ll see,” make us wait around for approval, then say it was too late for him to go out. I remember in one specific instance that he literally had to vacuum his ENTIRE house before he could come over. It just felt like they would dream up things for him to do to keep him from coming over. Another time, I was going to go to their house on the lake for a day and hang out with him. His parents said yes, but literally the night before I was to go, they changed their mind and said I couldn’t go, basically because they didn’t trust that we wouldn’t sneak off to be alone together. My parents have said that they think that my boyfriend’s parents are too strict and it’s disrespectful of them and nosy to read our texts. My boyfriend told me about the girlfriend in college thing through text, but he wants to talk about it face-to-face. He said he “just can’t not listen” to his parents because he desperately wants their trust back. But he also said “this isn’t goodbye” for us, he just doesn’t know what to do which is why we need to talk about it. We haven’t had our talk yet, but I’m pretty sure that my boyfriend wants both outcomes. His parents have just caused all sorts of problems for us in our new beginning.
1. I’ve always thought that his parents were really ridiculous. Could you provide the adult perspective for me, on why parents wouldn’t want their son to date a college girl, or have a girlfriend back home when in college? I simply cannot see why it would cause an issue.
2. I’ve always hated the fact that my boyfriend and I could never have any privacy, just knowing the fact that his parents might be reading our messages. Perhaps this is an immature or childish perspective. Do you agree that it’s wrong, or is there a legitimate reason why his parents would invade our privacy?
3. THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION…How can I be with my boyfriend if his parents are essentially saying they don’t want us to be together? He wants his parents to trust him again, and I do too, but we want to be together, which is what they don’t want. Where is the happy medium?
4. Any other comments or thoughts you have.
Thank you Chris!!!
-Lily

Lily

April 27, 2015 at 5:50 pm

I don’t mean to be a nuisance (or a gnat!) but I really would appreciate a response. Thank you.
Lily

April 21, 2015 at 11:34 pm

Yes, he lives with his parents, he is 17 and in high school. Yes, he has always been very obedient to them even when he doesn’t like what they want/are telling him to do. That is why I’m scared about what could happen. We have not talked yet, but I am scared that he will break up with me again simply because his parents don’t want him to date a college girl. When he said “this isn’t goodbye” for us, that made me think that he would want to work out some kind of compromise so that he could be with me but not be disobeying his parents. Our conversations haven’t been the same since his parents talked with him. Even in person, our conversations are very generic, he is nice to me and cares about what I have to say, but he doesn’t flirt with me or do anything romantic. He’s gotten even more distant in the past couple days.
On the other hand, about two weeks ago (after he talked with his parents but before he told me his parents didn’t want him dating a college girl), we both went on a school trip for a few days. He sat behind me on the bus, and sometimes reached between the seat and window to rub my shoulder and hold my hand. When everyone else was sleeping he even kissed me a few times. I would like to think that since he has been nice to, and even a little romantic with, me since the conversation he had with his parents, that means he wants to still be with me. But, I’m afraid that his loyalty to his parents and his desperate wanting to earn their trust back will ultimately be more important to him than being with me. I want to satisfy both conditions but I simply don’t know how, which is why I’m seeking your help yet again. Thank you for sticking with me Chris 🙂
Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:46 pm

3. Does he live with his parents? Does he always follow what his parents say?

M.

April 17, 2015 at 6:20 pm

hi Chris! Do you think there’s a way of being hot and cold and seem like a catch for your ex using fb?? I know that Einstein quote so I tried using different tacticts but I don’t see anything working…

M.

April 26, 2015 at 5:21 pm

Well of course he didn’t wish me in my birthday yesterday and today he posted a photo with his gf… I don’t think I can tolerate this anymore..I don’t see anything happening between us after so long and I think I have played all my cards..Should I just delete him ??what do you advice me?
M.

April 24, 2015 at 6:29 pm

hmm.. you know what, I thought so too cause he hasn’t deleted me from fb.and I beleive if you have no feelings for someone you would delete them (right?),BUT he still has a gf and he seems in love with her…so I don’t know..Tomorrow is my birthday and 4 days after it’s his.. I plan not to wish him as I did in his name day..What do you beleive? Is there a way to take a step further??
M.

April 22, 2015 at 6:33 pm

At First I did what you said, posted photos of me looking the best I could, having nice,interesting posts, showing some quality,places i went…nothing.Then I tried to post a song my ex once told me,nothing.I tried to disapper from fb a while again nothing..I tried to do the obvious and get a bit emotional by posting some songs but no results again..I noticed though that some times lately when I posted sth he would post sth the other day.But I guess it must be accidental.. I don’t know what else to do.Again I started posting very neutral status and showing some skills,hobbies etc..but again I don’t see the light..What do you think??
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:36 am

Well, just because you didn’t get the response a lot of other women get doesn’t mean that it hasn’t worked. It could still be working but your ex could be watching in the shadows.

FYI I am a shadows watcher so take it from me.
Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:42 pm

What tactics did you try?

lilyanne

April 14, 2015 at 9:59 pm

I think my ex broke up with me and friend=zoned me. When he broke up with me he said he wanted me around. He told me how happy other guys would make me, how they’d do the things with me he didn’t. We could still hang out and stuff. We even made plans. I ended up using the no contact rule on him for a couple weeks. It was super hurtful to hear him talk about me happily running off to meet other guys. He also used the movie benji as a metaphor, where he was letting me go because it was better for me. I’m so confused. We were so great together. I think he’s started seeing someone now, what do I do?

Chris Seiter

April 16, 2015 at 4:01 pm

I never saw benji.

Have you tried NC on him yet?

LISA

April 9, 2015 at 8:52 pm

Chris..
I need your advice.. I wrote to back in Dec 2014 but i figured you were extremely busy because you never replied. I had a lDR for a year. I found out in June and Dec that He was texting or receiving text from other women. He continued to tell me all year that he love me. I am moving to where he lives in 2 months. I recently visited and he had reestablished communication with this girl that he has know for a very long time. Long story short she messaged on FB. I am confused now because after i arrived to visit recently he said that he wanted to be ” Friends” and didn’t want to be romantic anymore. He still continued to say I love you. He wanted to build friendship and said he wasn’t ready for a relationship or was husband material. You see, he asked me many times to marry for 2015 or 2016. I started NC and am sticking to it, it has only been 3 days. i was his emotional support long distance all year and a great GF. The only thing that i did was complain of his lack of communication during the year. He can be distant so I don’t think he will reach out during NC.
Please tell me how to proceed now. Thanks..

LISA

April 10, 2015 at 11:34 pm

Chris.. I purchased you Ex boyfriend recovery pro.. last night. it was good… I originally left a comment on another thread. The Ungettable girl applies to me…lol! He already called today, left a message. I maintained no contact. I only listened to it. It was about work for him, he needs emotional support.. Oh, well.. He had that all year.. long distance. Maintaining, No Contact.. day 5. Please advise..

Vicjy

April 3, 2015 at 9:21 am

Hi Chris!

I love your podcast! This one was in particular helpful.
My ex and I were in a LDR (over a year), we broke up. We did however keep in touch since he was going through the most important career stage in his life and exactly how you said – he was looking for emotional support from me. He came to see me after (I thought we’re getting back together) we had an amazing time (his action completely caring, loving, treating me like a girlfriend and we did have sex) and when we got to “the talk” he said he isn’t willing to commit to an LDR anymore. I asked him, why was he so wonderful lately and leading me on, and he basically said he needed the support and knew he could count on me. His actions and what he said, is in complete contradiction to his final decision about the relationship…

I’m ready to implement the NC rule now. But I’m afraid, since he successfully moved past this tough career step and is going for a 3 week holiday, that the month of NC rule will not really affect him in the proper “strong” way. I mean on holidays and feeling the relief in his career life now because everything is going great, he probably won’t be in a situation of needing emotional support and then feeling the lack of it from me.

Firstly:
Would NC be still effective if he’s on a positive emotional high now?

Secondly:
How can a man act in a “I want to be with you” way and then when it comes to committing he says he isn’t ready and does not feel it? Through the year of dating, he never said he was in love, but he did claim to have feelings for me and his actions would completely show the man in love kind.

admin

April 7, 2015 at 8:27 pm

Yes NC would still be effective.

Usually a man will act that way when there is something in the way of making him commit to you full time. For example, maybe he wants to party more before he gets tied down.

Rose

March 31, 2015 at 1:12 am

Hi Chris! I followed your game plan and was finally able to get my boyfriend back! We have been together again since March 22. We have seen each other twice since then (not counting seeing each other at school.) The first time was when we talked and decided to get back together, and the second time (three days ago) we just hung out. Both times were extremely enjoyable for both of us, we had a good time. He’s been nothing but a sweetheart to me and I know that he really wants and will put his all in this second chance. I have two big questions.
Part 1: Like I said, I feel really good about our relationship when we are together in person, but I feel concerned about our texting. He never texts me first. I, for the most part, know his schedule, so I know when he’s available to talk and when he’s not. I’ve been wanting to just wait it out sometime just to see if he will text me first but every time I’ve ended up caving in and texting him first. So every time we’ve talked since we’ve gotten back together, I’ve texted him first, then usually end up waiting 1-2 hours for his first response. He always has a good, believable reason why he couldn’t message me earlier, and our conversation then goes really well, he seems interested and acts like he’s into it, etc. I guess my thinking is if he wanted to talk to me, he’d text me first. For example, today he said he wouldn’t be able to talk to me until the evening, but it’s 9 pm and I’ve got nothing from him (I haven’t messaged him today.)
1. Am I flipping out over nothing, is it dumb to be concerned about it? Like I said, our new relationship has gone extremely well so far, he’s loving to me in person and we always have great texting conversations once he actually texts me.
2. If this is in fact something I should be concerned about, what are the reasons as to why he is he not texting me first?
3. Is it a good idea to sometime just “wait it out” to see if he texts me first, or should I simply text him whenever I feel like it? I don’t want to look clingy right?
Part 2: He broke up with me on January 8, and like I mentioned we got back together March 22, so the breakup hadn’t even reached its three month mark. We agreed that we wanted to take things slowly, and I know that’s a good idea. We also said that for another month or so, we would keep it quiet and not tell our parents, other family or friends that we were back together. When we announce it to everyone we will become an “official” dating couple again. Our reasoning for such was so we would have some time to figure out where our new relationship was going, have time to figure everything out. The problem with this is that since we haven’t told our parents, we can’t get together to see each other as often as we’d like because we don’t want to tip our parents off since we’re keeping it quiet (we’re in high school so we’d have to ask for permission to go to each other’s houses.)
1. Is keeping our new relationship quiet for a month before telling everyone a good idea or pointless?
2. If the answer to the above is something along the lines of “it depends on what you two want/your situation/etc.” what would you personally, from your expert opinion, recommend?
Thanks so much! 🙂

admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:29 pm

Ok, you asked a ton of questions so I am just going to answer one per comment.

I will answer the texting thing first.

Maybe take a whole day and not text him. Still act the same in person and everything but let him feel the sting of not having you all over him 24/7
Rose

April 1, 2015 at 12:04 am

He did end up texting me first last night and again today. I will do that, that sounds like a good idea. Now for my other questions please? Sorry I put so many in one comment.
Rose

April 3, 2015 at 11:40 pm

Yesterday, I didn’t text him at all. I was out all day and left my phone at home. When I got home and checked my phone, I only had one text from him that he has sent minutes earlier which just said he had been busy all day which was why he hadn’t texted me. We talked the rest of the evening. This morning he sent me a good morning text, but I ignored it. I haven’t talked to him all day, and he hasn’t sent any more messages. Does that sound good to you? I was kind of disappointed that he didn’t text me more, asking where I was or anything like that.
Rose

April 4, 2015 at 9:33 pm

He actually sent me a text at 1:30 in the morning saying “Did you even think about me today? Is something wrong?” so I guess he did miss me

Maggie

March 24, 2015 at 12:46 am

Hi chris,
I am such a big fan of the podcasts and the site. I’ve been reading the site for months now. Here’s my situation. I feel like I’m currently in the friend zone with a guy i’ve dated for over a year. I did no contact for 30 days (month of Novem 2014) and he contacted me about a month after. We have been in contact since (for about four months). I have only seen him twice during this time… the first time, he asked me to hang out and the second time I did. I feel like at first he was chasing me and wanted to date me again, but now I feel like he doesn’t care and he isn’t trying at all to get me back. I have been too scared to emotionally mention anything between us because I’m afraid it will push him away. But since I haven’t mentioned anything I feel like its pushing him away already. I never text him first because I want him to talk to me when he wants to. He texts me i’d say 2-3 times a week currently, whereas before it was almost everyday right after no contact. I don’t know how to bring up that I want to be with him because I have a feeling he’s happy the way things are now. I haven’t had sex with him because he hasn’t committed to me. Last time I saw him, he wanted to and I said no because we are friends. I think that probably made him more angry, but I did it so that way my value could be raised. I just don’t know which direction to go. I read your article on mixed signals, and I feel that’s what he is doing to me. But lately, I feel like he isn’t trying to be anything more than friends with me. I feel like giving up and trying No contact again but I’m not sure what to do. What do you think?

Maggie

April 25, 2015 at 1:19 am

Hi Chris. So I tried no contact for a week and he was going crazy because I was ignoring him…. I recently went to a music festival and he even drove out there to see me (so he says) because he said he wanted to see me and he even wanted to take me out on a date after. He was acting like he really wanted to take me back the entire day we spent at the concert. His actions don’t match his words because now he is telling me he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend (one week later). He makes efforts to see me when he wants to. It’s been a week since then and he recently asked me if he thinks we would make a good couple? I said yes. He proceeded to tell me that he doesn’t feel 100% about it but he told me that when he sees me I am like a magnet to him. I don’t know if that meant something good or bad. He hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. My heart feels completely broken. I don’t know which direction to go anymore. I tried the 30 days of no contact Nov-Dec. I’ve done tons of mini no contacts with him since … and he keeps changing his mind about me. When I do the no contacts he wants me more. When we get too close he pushes me away and says he doesn’t want a relationship or doesn’t feel 100% about us. I am honestly stuck. I don’t want to give up on him. I feel like the only thing I could do is another 30 days of NC but I don’t want to keep going back and forth. I’ve even gone on dates (not that he knows about) but I’ve tried to move on without moving on and I feel like it’s been too long . It’s been 6 months. This website is the only thing that’s helping me get through this because you always give such positive help that will keep my positive about my relationship. Thanks for the advice in advance.
admin

March 25, 2015 at 8:02 pm

I am super pumped that you are a big fan of the podcasts.

Sometimes I wonder if people are listening to them. Maybe a mini bout of NC for like a week might do well for you.

I am glad you didn’t give in and sleep with him because that would make things worse.

Lily

March 17, 2015 at 11:12 pm

After listening to this podcast I’m unsure as to whether Im actually in the friend zone with him or not. When he broke up with me he said he wanted to be “close friends” and I agreed. Since our breakup, though, he’s been on and off. He will completely ignore me, not text me or talk to me in person, then one day out of the blue he will message me and talk to me a little bit and be super nice, and when he sees me at school he’ll talk to me. Then he’ll disappear again and ignore me for a period. We’ve been through this cycle 4 times (what I mean by that is ignoring me, talking to me, ignoring me, and right now he’s talking to me again) since he broke up with me in early January. I already completed NC but honestly I should have started it over on multiple occasions.
1. Any ideas as to why he’s acting on and off with me?
2. Does it sound like I’m in the friend zone?
P.S. (I sent an email to [email protected] several days ago and I never got a response.)

admin

March 18, 2015 at 9:13 pm

Hi Lily, I had an issue with that email so I no longer am utilizing it.
Lily

March 18, 2015 at 10:33 pm

Can you answer my questions? For an update, he and I were emailing each other a couple days ago, just having a nice conversation. He said he would text me later if he could, but he never did. We didn’t talk yesterday at all. Today he emailed me again just saying “hey” with a smiley emoji. I replied, and he replied “Text me tonight? We haven’t talked for a really really long time :(” I want to look at this is a good thing but his on and off mood swings confuse me.
1. What’s with these mood swings??
2. Even though I’m done with NC should I reply to his emails/texts, or is that a bad idea?
3. It’s a good thing that he wants to talk to me right?
admin

March 21, 2015 at 3:25 pm

1. Mood swings can be caused by him not getting things his way exactly all the time. I look at it like a child throwing a tantrum.
2. Yes you should.
3. Yes its a very good thing.
Lily

March 21, 2015 at 6:48 pm

What I meant by replying to his emails/texts was should I reply to every single one or ignore some? I don’t want to be too available to him, right?
I honestly don’t think that he is friend zoning me. He still treats me exactly how he did when we were dating, flirting and all. Multiple people have actually told me that we act like we’re still dating. When we last saw each other, he talked to me more than anyone else that was there. He teased me a lot, flirted with me a little bit, rubbed my back, he even gave me a hug when we were alone together. When he wasn’t talking to me I caught him staring at me quite often. He doesn’t treat any other girls this way. I’m definitely looking at all of the things above as good signs!
admin

March 22, 2015 at 5:23 pm

I think they are good signs!
Lily

March 23, 2015 at 3:14 pm

They were good signs Chris because I got him back!!!!!!! He asked me if I could come over to his house to help him with math (which was his usual excuse for talking to me) and when we were done with math we could just hang out and have fun. I helped him with math, he kept staring at me, and touching my arm, and teasing me. He finally held my hand, and he said he wanted to be with me again, he was stupid for letting me go, he wanted a second chance, which I of course gave to him!! We’re just going to take things slow for now and not rush into anything. Thank you a million billion times over for your website and your help, I couldn’t have gotten him back without you!!!!
-Lily
admin

March 24, 2015 at 8:59 pm

SO AWESOME!!!!!
Lily

March 25, 2015 at 2:23 am

I KNOW!!! He has been absolutely wonderful, we’re both so happy!!! I’m going to listen to this podcast and read the “what to expect when you get your ex boyfriend back” article. I will never be able to thank you enough, without this website I wouldn’t have gotten him back!!!!!
admin

March 31, 2015 at 7:09 pm

Super pumped to hear this Lilly.

You made my day!!!

Katrina A

March 12, 2015 at 11:38 am

Hi Chris. I just realized that my exboyfriend has been doing this (your gameplan) to me. I concluded with myself that I was through with him when we broke up and we did not contact each other for 1-2 months (NC). He also starts treating me like (just) a friend or “bro.” And started giving me mixed signals and being hot and cold is a part of it. As for the “willing to walk away” – he has been doing well in his life too and only talked to me again after a few months. Thing is, while I am interested in getting back; I do not want to “fall prey” to him because I am not very sure if he really wants me back legitimately or if he is just doing this to see if I still have feelings for him or if he can tap to it. The reason why I am so worried is because what he is doing is actually working on me! I am seriously becoming confused if he is just wanting me as a friend or if he really wants us back. I was thinking of following what you said about reverse psychology, but I am worrying it might be something like a stalemate or waiting game, as if we are in a deadlock waiting for each others’ moves. Any advice?

admin

March 13, 2015 at 8:13 pm

Hahah hey aren’t you supposed to be doing to him what he is doing to you?
Katrina A

March 16, 2015 at 12:16 pm

exactly! so i should just reflect everything he is doing to me… back to him? (he would try to talk to me too about tips on how to deal with this girl he likes. i would not entertain any topic about his lovelife)
admin

March 18, 2015 at 7:16 pm

EXACTLY!

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