138 thoughts on “EBR 018: I Hooked Up With My Ex… Now What?”

1. 

   Airen

   April 3, 2015 at 9:09 pm

   Hi Chris! I love your website I’m totally getting your e-book!
   Here’s the situation: I was in a LDR with this guy and at first he was the one chasing me (I guess he saw me as a UG but I didn’t know at the time) and then he left me because “he was falling out of love” (I think that once I was in love with him he felt the chase wasn’t there and he lost interest)
   So my family lives really near to where he doesn (that’s hours away from my city though!) so after NC we started talking, there was some flirting (he even admited he was jealous of some guys around me) and we finally met. It was soooo weird! he ended up kissing me then he’d become “cold” then kiss me again passionately (holding my hand and putting it on his chest while kissing me and stuff) and we didn’t really talk about feelings or anything so I’m super confused.
   Is he seeing this just as a hook up? I don’t want to ask and scare him away!
   Please help

1. 

   admin

   April 7, 2015 at 8:35 pm

   No a hookup would involve sex.

   What you did was a make out haha.

2. 

   Hopeless

   March 19, 2015 at 6:58 pm

   This has been going on for 3 years now. Me being FWB with my ex. I found out he has a girlfriend now (I think they together for a year or so) and I got my closure with him last week over the phone (we are long distant). Last night he text me and asked if I could meet him when I come to his state (I told him I was coming next weekend). I said I thought you have a gf now so why do you want to see me. Its obvious he wants to meet just to have sex. I said I would meet him. So should I pull the rug from under his feet now and say I can’t see him?

   Also, him still wanting to have sex with me, is he just greedy or not happy with his relationship? From the looks of it, they seem happy to me.

1. 

   admin

   March 22, 2015 at 3:45 pm

   Maybe a bit of both…

   Greedy and starting to become unhappy.

3. 

   Mimi

   March 16, 2015 at 7:48 pm

   Hi Chris, I really loved this post and all your work. I’m in this exact situation now and 2 weeks ago we got in a huge fight and horrible things were said. I’m going into no contact again but I did send the following text per your advice on another post:

   I know a lot was said between the two of us the last time we talked. I just wanted to tell you that I look back on our time very fondly and I hold nothing against you. I wish you the best in your life. Don’t be a stranger.

   His response was this:
   I hold many things against you. Also there is nothing of joy to look back on to, only selfish needs of a woman. Leave me alone.

   This reply was actually not as bad as I thought he’d react. I was not selfish at all in the relationship, in fact gave too much too soon. Would love your thoughts on his response.

   Appreciate your time and advice.

1. 

   admin

   March 18, 2015 at 8:28 pm

   Glad you enjoyed the podcast episode!

   He is clearly still upset about the relationship.

   Do you think there was any truth to his claim that you were selfish though?

2. 

   Mimi

   March 19, 2015 at 4:52 pm

   He’s in a place in his life where he is not ready to commit. I am. We broke up because of that, but he came back. In three months of the break-up after, we’ve remained friends and both have acted selfishly. We came to heads when we slept together, and after he told me he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, I found out that may not be the truth. It still hasn’t been confirmed, and he was always clear with me that he wasn’t ready to commit to me, but we got to a point where we were splitting hairs. Was I selfish? I can’t say yes and I can’t say no, but it was a situation where I allowed myself to give him emotional support and get the benefits of being in a relationship without being in one.

   I do love him tremendously, and was deeply hurt when we fought. He couldn’t see that but instead turned his rage on me for what I can only imagine is he felt bad that I was hurt.

   I don’t want to lose him. Any advice?

   I should mention I’m five years older then him and he is just starting out in his career, where I am more established. This was the problem that broke us up in the first place.

4. 

   marissa

   March 15, 2015 at 2:12 pm

   so my husband and I have been married for 7 years. she separated with me for about 2 months now i instituted the no contact rule about 2 weeks ago. he started coming around asking me if I had a boyfriend since I was putting so much effort into myself and looking so good. we have a daughter together so we have to exchange information regarding that and bills he came over to watch her and we started talking which led to sex. he later said that this is not what he wanted that he would not break off his other relationship with another woman and he would go to marriage counseling but he was unsure if it would change anything. what do I do now?

1. 

   admin

   March 15, 2015 at 5:40 pm

   Well, I think the gameplan in this article is ideal for you.

2. 

   marissa

   March 19, 2015 at 10:57 am

   We have a daughter.. had problems with NC the first time…any pointers?

3. 

   admin

   March 21, 2015 at 4:02 pm

   Yes, read this,

   https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-handle-every-situation-during-the-no-contact-rule/

5. 

   Rony

   March 14, 2015 at 2:19 pm

   I’m totally addicted to ur podcasts .. I love the way you dissect every little detail and explain ur point of veiw abt it .. I like ur honesty Chris .. Im longing for more of that and it wud be great if u published a blog or a podcast on how FEAR could affect men and make them run away from committing and how to deal with such a situation in case it happened!

1. 

   admin

   March 15, 2015 at 4:47 pm

   Thank you Rony!

   I am glad you are enjoying them.

   I would be happy to do something on fear/committing.

6. 

   Aurelie

   March 13, 2015 at 11:23 pm

   Dear Chris, Do you think you will upload updates on these women’s situations and how they used your plan and did it work for them? I think it would be really interesting and useful to hear. Thank you for your podcasts! Love them 🙂

1. 

   admin

   March 15, 2015 at 4:24 pm

   Thats a good idea!

   If they get back in touch with me then I certainly would!

7. 

   S

   March 13, 2015 at 8:32 pm

   This is just exactly my situation too, right now. Thank you so much for this episode!

   I’ve told him not to sleep with me until he can commit, and he’s obviously angry at me. We’re both doing NC on each other now. And he’s gone back to his girlfriend, posting pics with her and statuses showing how much he loves her.

   My question, how do I start the flirty texting after the 30 day NC when I’ve made it clear to him that I don’t want to indulge in anything sexual with him until he commits? Will he be open to me flirting with him while he has his guard up again?

1. 

   admin

   March 15, 2015 at 4:20 pm

   You are welcome S!

   You have to lead up to the flirty texting. You can’t just right off the bat do it and expect him to respond. You have to work to get his gurad down a bit.

8. 

   Namy

   March 13, 2015 at 3:36 pm

   I just want to say: You are awsome, Chris! You are smart, honest, and have a good heart! Your voice is very nice, too. You are a dimond and I am happy for your wife that she has a dimond like you. All the best!

1. 

   admin

   March 13, 2015 at 9:35 pm

   Thanks Namy!

   I hope you get a lot out of these podcasts.