131 thoughts on “EBR 021- How To Make Him Re-Commit To You”

1. 

   Jennifer

   March 25, 2015 at 1:56 am

   My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. We had been together for 2 years and he lived with me and my 2 kids. He had been depressed with job difficulties, issues with family, lack of money and mounting debt and trying to re-establish a relationship with his daughters. He began to emotionally distance himself and I reacted by being needy, clingy and jealous. I’m not proud of my behavior, and I’ve been working on myself and in therapy. When I met him I had gotten out of an 18 year marriage and was dealing with the unexpected death of my mom. He was my rock and had a deep connection. He always said he loved me and just wanted to make me happy.

   I’ve made a lot of progress dealing with fears of abandonment, insecurities, and being alone. I have a great career in design, I am very attractive and a genuine person. I guess if there is a silver lining to this break up, it is that rediscovering myself and my interests outside of being a mom, professional and partner. But I still think of him a lot and have hope we can work things out.

   After a month of no contact, we’ve been in limited contact for a few weeks and met up 3 times. During those times we’ve had some of the best conversations about our relationship – each owning up to how we contributed to the break up. He asks my advice on his life and says I’m his best friend.

   The last time we met (2 weeks ago), he was really depressed, wanting to give up on the progress he had made with his life issues and then asked me “how do you know if you just miss something or have made a big mistake”. I’ve gotten several mixed signals like this from him.

   Since then, I haven’t really heard from him. Just a short text responses. I’ve found out that he may be casually dating women. I think it may be as an ego boost since he is in a low place in his life. Do I continue to make contact and be there for him or let him have space to work out his life? I really hate being in limbo and I wonder if he is using me emotionally or just having a difficult time deciding to give the relationship another chance.

1. 

   admin

   March 31, 2015 at 7:09 pm

   Hi Jennifer,

   (That’s my wifes name)

   I vote let him have space.

2. 

   Jennifer

   March 25, 2015 at 2:02 am

   Hi Chris,

   Can you remove my last name from my post?!? I think my computer put it in there automatically. I’m so embarrassed and do not want it public.

   Thanks!

3. 

   admin

   March 31, 2015 at 7:09 pm

   I fixed it!!!!!!

2. 

   Laura

   March 20, 2015 at 7:20 pm

   Hi Chris,
   So I did two weeks of NC and me being a dumby I saw him at school and started talking to him. Then I messed up and hooked up with him.. Everything was great but then I asked what this meant and he said he still feels the same way as when we broke up, which was that he didn’t feel the same about me anymore and he wanted to be single. I almost feel like he isn’t going to change his mind. What do you think I should do? Should I do NC again? (I’ve been working out and going out with my friends a lot.)

1. 

   admin

   March 22, 2015 at 4:27 pm

   Yes, I think you should!

3. 

   Shannon

   March 20, 2015 at 7:15 pm

   I’ve been texting him everyday and today I texted him and he didn’t respond. What do I do now?

1. 

   admin

   March 22, 2015 at 4:27 pm

   Don’t freak out or get upset.

   Play it cool and go some time without texting him before you reach out again Shannon.

   Say skip a day and then text him.

4. 

   Shannon

   March 19, 2015 at 2:12 am

   Okay chris I just sent him a text saying how we both know how it ended before and it wasn’t good and that I really want it to last this time around. And he said what do you mean by that. And I said I think that if we’re both willing to work for it then we will last. And he said okay just take it slow. Nothing is official. (So apparently it’s not official). I said yeah taking it slow is best, but time is also precious. (He’s leaving in 2 months for deployment.) I asked to call him so we can talk about it and he never got back.

   I thought we were official. I guess we weren’t. How can I get us to be official? And now I’m scared I scared him off by saying that. Wonderful.

1. 

   admin

   March 21, 2015 at 3:40 pm

   Be patient with it.

   I think you are on that fine line between being official and not being official.

   I think the biggest thing to overcome here is the fact that he is being deployed in 2 months.

2. 

   Shannon

   March 22, 2015 at 3:08 am

   Man this takes so much self control. I was texting him everyday because I thought we were official and stuff. I texted him Friday and said that I saw his old car on the streets, I really did and I thought he would like to know. Never responded and hasn’t texted me and he’s home this weekend so he doesn’t even want to see me. Ugh. I thought I had him chris I really did. We have a favorite comedian and I’m seeing the comedian live on Tuesday night. Should I wait to text him until then and send him a picture of the comedian or something? Please tell me what I need to do. I need to him to chase me again I know it. It’s just hard because I think no matter what he knows that he can have me.

3. 

   admin

   March 22, 2015 at 5:36 pm

   Absolutely!

   I think the comedian thing is genius!

   I thought you had him too. Though maybe he is freaked out about deploying at the same time.

4. 

   Shannon

   March 22, 2015 at 11:22 pm

   Okay awesome. I actually texted him today cuz he said he would put a stereo system in my car and he said next weekend he’ll be home so he’ll do it. I started the convo and I ended it and I won’t text him again until I see the comedian. And I agree with you, I think that he’s leaving in 2 months is stopping him. When we were talking in the car that one night and we were talking about getting back together he did say “you do know I’m leaving in 2 months right?” And I said I don’t care. I think maybe he’s scared for me to wait for him or put my life on hold for him or something ya know? I’ve told him time and time again that I will support him and be 100% faithful to him. I don’t know how to get passed this though. I can’t just text what I wanna say because I’ll seem over emotional and that’s what I need to avoid. he told me basically everything that you mention on here lol. He said he went through the qualities he wants and I hit every single one. He said I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had. It was pretty funny actually. He basically told me I was the bigger and better deal. And while he was talking about all of this in my head I was like omg chris is right. So I need your wisdom again. What should I do moving forward?

5. 

   admin

   March 24, 2015 at 8:21 pm

   Sorry I am late getting back to you Shannon.

   Yes, it appears the main issue is him being deployed in 2 months.

   You know, usually when a guy pulls something like this I always think to myself,

   Hmm… I wonder if he just wants to sleep around a bit before he gets into a relationship but I think in this case he doesn’t want to get tied down before he goes overseas or wherever hes going to.

   My recommendation moving forward is for you to continue building attraction but cut him off physically.

   Don’t kiss him and don’t hold hugs on too tight.

   Lets give him something to chase 🙂

6. 

   Shannon

   March 24, 2015 at 3:51 pm

   Do you think that I should just straight out ask him if he wants a relationship before he leaves?

7. 

   admin

   March 31, 2015 at 6:42 pm

   Maybe if it comes to it but that’s not a high percentage chance of success.

   Use that as a last case scenario.

8. 

   Shannon

   March 24, 2015 at 4:35 pm

   I can’t seem to get him engaged in a convo either. Gah he’s so confusing. Oh Christopher… What should I do now? We have plans to meet next weekend so should I just stop trying to text him until then?

9. 

   admin

   March 31, 2015 at 6:46 pm

   What do you mean you can’t get him engaged in the convo.

   How are these convos going?

5. 

   Rony

   March 18, 2015 at 8:10 pm

   Phewwwwwwwwww .. FINALLY! 😀
   Beside the nightmare of ” He is telling you what u wanna hear to get u in bed” .. This was very insightful and enchanting!
   You r beating ur self Chris .. well done!

1. 

   admin

   March 21, 2015 at 3:06 pm

   Thanks Rony!

   I am also looking for more ideas for my massive in depth articles..

   Anything you want me to cover?