I can show you the world.
Shining…
Shimmering…
Splendid…
Today we hear from an Egyptian Princess.
Jasmin from Aladdin!
Wow, Jasmine looks super mad.
Ok, all kidding aside today I am going to be answering a question from “The Egyptian Princess,” a woman who wonders if her mistakes after the breakup have ruined her chance for success with her ex.
- She recently broke up with her boyfriend
- She broke the no contact rule and spoke to him 3 days into the breakup
- Told him that she missed him
Hmm… I will answer this really quickly.
No, “The Egyptian Princess” your chances aren’t over completely. Just because you made a few mistakes here and there doesn’t mean that you can’t get him back in the future.
Here is a quick recap of what I talk about in this episode,
[chances’
What I Talk About In This Episode
- The seven most common mistakes women make after a breakup
- My new website redesign (comment below and tell me what you think)
- Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (Version 2.0)
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
- Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (Version 2.0)
- Common Mistakes Women Make After A Breakup
- Friends With Benefits Episode
- What To Do If You’ve Been Blocked
The Seven Deadly Sins
Alright, so there are seven deadly sins that I cover in this particular episode.
What I would like to do now is give a brief synopsis of each one.
Let’s get started.
Sin 1- GNAT
GNAT- Going Nuts At Texting
Basically women commit this when they text their ex boyfriend like crazy after a breakup. It is perceived as extremely needy if it happens too much.
Sin 2- Begging
This one isn’t so hard to understand.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIf you sit there and beg for your ex boyfriend back after the breakup he isn’t going to be drawn to you as much. Remember, begging is not what you have to do to seduce a man. In fact, seducing requires you to do the opposite of begging.
Sin 3- Telling Him You Miss Him, Love Him, Etc
This is almost a mistake because its like a weird form of begging.
By saying this to your ex you are basically saying that you need him. It’s not a great idea to do this because men won’t chase a woman who chases them. They chase the woman who doesn’t chase them.
Sin 4- Breaking The No Contact Rule
This is a common sin.
It’s a mistake because every time the no contact rule is broken it slowly but surely loses it’s effectiveness. Not to mention you can’t stay disciplined.
Sin 5- Anger & Fights
Don’t get into a fight with your ex.
Just don’t do it.
You will have to opposite effect of getting him back, trust me.
Sin 6- Grand Gestures
Listen to the episode and the story I tell…
The $500 guitar gift…
Don’t fall into that trap.
Sin 7- Sleeping With Him
I know you want him back.
I know you fantasize about him.
But don’t do it.
DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR EX BOYFRIEND.
Podcast Transcript
Welcome to Episode 31 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. It’s been a little while since I’ve done this. I’ve been extremely busy lately. We just went live with the new website design at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. So far, the feedback has been amazing. It’s been quite incredible, to be honest. I would like to hear more of your feedback.
We tried to make the website more female friendly. I’m a guy, so female friendly is not my biggest strong suit. I hired someone to redesign the website. We made sure to put a lot of pictures in there. We made sure to format things a certain way.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe only criticism that I’ve gotten is, on the sidebar, there used to be a step-by-step thing where you could see all the posts. That’s gone away. Now it just has the most recent posts and the most popular posts. Personally, I love the new design.
I would love to hear your feedback on it in the comments section of the show notes for this episode. All you have to do is go to www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode31. Feel free to tell me what you think about the new website design.
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve recorded one of these. I’ve been so busy lately. I apologize. I’m definitely going to be on my game this week. In fact, I spent $20 to download this new app. It’s a planner app, so that I can plan out and structure my days and get this done.
I think I made an error by not recording these podcast episodes for the last week. I’d like to rectify that error. Again, feel free to comment on the show notes of this episode and tell me what you think about the new website redesign.
Let’s get down to business. Today we’re going to hear from a woman named The Egyptian Princess. It’s an interesting name. I was tempted to call her Jasmine from Aladdin. Let’s hear from The Egyptian Princess:
“Hey, Chris. I recently broke up with my boyfriend about five days ago. Unfortunately, I gave in and spoke to him three days into the breakup. I called him and he didn’t answer. Then, a few hours later, I texted him that I’ve been thinking about him, and that I hope he’s doing well with everything. He has not responded to me.
With everything that I’m reading on your website, I’m curious if I screwed up my chances of getting him back, having him miss me or look at me in a different way. Thanks for your help.”
Thanks for leaving a voicemail for me. You asked an amazing question. Today I’m going to talk about the most common mistakes that women make after a breakup. I’m going to title this episode, the seven deadly sins that women make after a breakup. There are certain things that women can do after a breakup that will lower their chances.
For your situation, Egyptian Princess, it’s so early after a breakup, I don’t think you lowered your chances that much. Maybe a tiny, little bit by making mistakes here and there but nothing substantial. Don’t freak out. Just stick to the basics. Read my website, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery.
Pick up the book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I just released a new version. It’s version 2.0 of the book. The original version was only 93 pages. This thing is 270. I really beefed it up. I’m trying to appeal to all people who are trying to get their exes back in all sorts of situations, like long distance, if he has a girlfriend, if you cheated on him and general breakups. I’m trying to appeal to all of the demographics.
Let’s get down to business. Here is a recap of your situation. You recently broke up five days ago. You spoke to him three days into the breakup. You told him you missed him. You were a little needy. You were wondering if your chances are over. No, they’re not over at all. Maybe you lowered them a little bit by doing those things but it really has to be excessive for you to substantially lower your chances.
That’s what I’d like to talk about today. We’re going to do something really unique. There’s not going to be a specific game plan. Rather, I’m going to be covering the seven deadly sins that women make after a breakup to lower their chances. In rare cases, I have seen women who commit all seven of these deadly sins and were still able to get back with their ex-boyfriends.
It’s not necessarily a relationship death sentence. In my opinion, if you commit four or five of these sins, your chances of getting your ex back will be significantly lower. I’m going to explain why on a case-by-case basis.
We’ll start with sin number one, becoming a gnat. This is my own creation. It stands for “Going Nuts at Texting.” Imagine that your ex-boyfriend has just broken up with you and you blow his phone up with 50 text messages. That’s a little needy and desperate. It’s not attractive to a man. Women often do this when they’re in a highly emotional state, especially after a breakup. That’s when they are in that highly emotional state. Going nuts at texting is the equivalent of having a swarm of gnats flying around your head.
No matter how many times you swat at them, they continue to fly around. There’s nothing you can do to get rid of them. It’s extremely annoying. I have had the “pleasure” of meeting a few gnats in my life. They are extremely annoying. They are not attractive. Men will not find them attractive at all. Deadly sin number one is becoming a text, call or in-person gnat to your ex-boyfriend.
Number two is begging. Begging for your ex-boyfriend back is not the same as attracting or seducing him. When you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back, you want to get him back from a position of strength. Begging for him back is a position of weakness. It gives him all the power. Relationships aren’t supposed to be a power struggle, even though pretty much all of them are. It’s supposed to be equal.
If you’re begging for him back, he’s going to think, “Wow, she really wants me. I’m better than her.” Men aren’t going to chase after a woman if they think they’re better than her. They’re going to chase after a woman who they think is better than them. Begging is another mistake that I see a lot of women make after a breakup.
Number three is telling him you miss him. Egyptian Princess, you did this. This is anything along the lines of telling him you miss him or love him that makes him think that he’s winning the battle. Going through a breakup is almost like a chess match. The win for a man is if he can get you to beg for him back or tell him that you miss him or love him.
During a relationship, you want to hear these things. During and after a breakup, men crave them so much from women. They’re not going to chase after someone who is chasing after them. They’re going to chase after someone who is not chasing after them. A woman who tells him that she misses him is making a mistake. In his mind, he’s going to think, “I bet she misses me.”
I remember the very first breakup I went through. Right after the breakup, I was thinking, “I’m not going to be the one to text her first. I’m not going to do anything. I’m going to wait until she tells me that she misses me.” Sure enough, three days later, bam. “I miss you.” I felt like I won. I was not going to chase after her at all. That’s because she begged for me back. She told me that she missed me.
That’s a huge mistake that I see a lot of women make. Again, you want a man to chase after you. If you’re chasing after him, the dynamic is completely wrong. That is deadly sin number three.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNumber four is breaking the no contact rule. It seems that you have done this, Egyptian Princess. This is a mistake, probably the most frequent mistake that I see made. So many women break the no contact rule because it’s such a challenging thing to finish. It’s easy to understand on a logical level. You ignore this person for 30 days.
Thinking it and actually doing it are two completely separate things. Putting it into action is a lot harder than a lot of women realize. When they’re doing the no contact rule and their ex-boyfriend is texting them saying, “Hey, where are you? Are you okay? I miss you,” you’re supposed to ignore him. Social etiquette tells us that we have to check in with someone when we’re going somewhere.
If you’re going to completely disappear from this person’s life, shouldn’t they get a warning? No, they don’t. That’s not how the no contact rule works. Everything you ever learned about social etiquette and relationships, especially when your ex-boyfriend continues to chase after you and exhibits behavior that you want him to exhibit, it’s hard not to break the no contact rule.
But you have to stay strong. The no contact rule loses its effectiveness if it is broken. The more times that it’s broken, the less effective it becomes. That’s deadly sin number four that I see women make.
Number five is anger. It’s sort of like Star Wars. Anger leads to the Dark Side. It’s the same thing here. After a breakup, you do not want to get angry or get into a fight with your ex-boyfriend. The whole reason that Ex-Boyfriend Recovery exists is to help women recover from breakups and recover their relationships.
You cannot recover your relationship if you’re in the middle of a massive argument with your ex-boyfriend. It’s just not going to work. That’s one of the reasons why the no contact rule is so effective. It removes you from the situation. It allows you to think logically instead of emotionally. We all know that when emotions run high, logic runs low. Number five is anger. You do not want to get into a fight with your ex-boyfriend at all.
Number six is grand gestures. A good friend of mine went through a breakup with her ex-boyfriend a long time ago. She thought it would be a great idea to win his love back by buying him a $500 guitar. Okay, I can understand her logic behind that.
She figured that he’d see the guitar. It’s his favorite guitar. She’s the one that got it for him. He’ll come running back into her arms. He’ll thank her. He’ll probably make love to her all night. Well, it did not work that way at all. He took the guitar from her. He was happy about it. He said a few nice things to her and he never talked to her again.
Grand gestures after a breakup do not work. Grand gestures during a relationship work amazing. But grand gestures when you’re not dating the person do not work, so do not do them. This is not Hollywood. Besides, grand gestures are supposed to be from men to women, not from women to men. Hollywood lies to you. Disney has lied to you.
Grand gestures are not going to work. In the cases when they do work, it’s very rare. In my opinion, you should not try them at all. Don’t get caught in this trap where you think, “I need to do some grand gesture to win him back. I’ll buy him this $500 guitar and he’ll come back to me.” No. You do not want to buy his love. A man who can be bought is a man not worth having at all. Do not buy his love with a grand gesture. Win him back on your own hard work.
Let’s say it’s the off chance that your grand gesture works. You bought him this guitar and he came back to you. In the back of your mind, you’re always going to wonder if he really just came back to you because you bought that for him or if he came back because he really loved you.
I would rather be in a relationship with someone where I knew for a fact that they cared for me as much as I cared for them, not because I bought them a bunch of stuff. The same principle applies here. That was number six.
I saved the best for last. Number seven is a common one that I see. It’s probably the single biggest mistake a woman can make after a breakup. It is sleeping with your ex. You do not want to sleep with your ex-boyfriend. That will lead him to think he can get into a friends with benefits situation. I have created a podcast episode on friends with benefits and how to get out of that situation. In that episode, I talk a lot about the pitfalls and mistakes and why becoming friends with benefits and sleeping with your ex-boyfriend is such a big mistake. I’ll link to that episode in the show notes of this episode. You can go to www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode31.
In addition to this, I’ll link to version 2.0 of the ebook if you’re interested. A long time ago, I wrote a fairly long article that talks a lot about these cardinal sins. In all, I highlight 11 or 12 mistakes that women make after a breakup and how to fix them. It has the quick fixes that you can do to get back on track and overcome them. I’m going to link to that in the show notes of this episode. I think that’s a very helpful article for you.
That’s going to do it for this episode. The Egyptian Princess didn’t give me a whole lot of material to go off of. I tried to do the best with what I had. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please check out the new website design. Give me your feedback in the comments of this episode. Thanks for listening.
I really appreciate all of you who take the time to listen to this podcast. It really means a lot. I’m going to actively work to make sure I do a better job of recording these and making this more of a daily podcast. I can’t guarantee that I’ll do it all the time. Sometimes things happen in my life that require me to cut something out of my schedule. Sometimes the podcast has to go. This week, I should have one out every single day. If I don’t, feel free to yell at me in the comments of this episode.
You can find all those incredible links and a summary of the seven deadly sins that women can make after a breakup in the show notes of this episode at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode31. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I’ll see you tomorrow.
D
February 16, 2021 at 2:31 am
Hello!
I got my ex to unblock me last time we spoke but he shows no sign of wanting to get back together. I text him and he takes ages to reply, his answers are very cold and he also told me he’s seeing someone. When I asked if it was from Germany (his country) he said yes but I saw him on Kik today (texting app) and I got suspicious once it’s mostly for dirty fun. I asked my friend to text him to see if he was gonna reply to her and he did and even wants to keep talking to her. I am deeply upset because it hasn’t been 3 months of the break and he is already talking to random women on the internet. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 18, 2021 at 5:56 pm
Hi D, keep in mind that this program is not an overnight fix, these things take time and patience where you work on yourself and show your ex that you are the best version of yourself and they made a mistake by letting you go. The texting phase is about building rapport with your ex.
D
January 4, 2021 at 1:52 am
Hi, I told a friend to ask him (I’m still blocked) if he could upload our pictures to the Dropbox and he said that there were many opportunities to ask for the pictures he just want to draw a line and move on with his life. He didn’t show any signs that he was missing me and my friend even said he felt my ex didn’t like me or was still mad. We haven’t spoken for 24 days now and I don’t know if I should wait till 45 to hit him up and try to have a conversation through my brother phone or should I start NC since the beginning even not direct talking to him? As Chris said 45 days should be the maximum if I still want to have him back but I am afraid cause he shows no interest of being with me 1 month after the break up. My friend also told me that he (my ex) told him it became impossible for him to be in a relationship with me and also that he’s not seeing anybody or looking for anybody right now but my ex said he still has the pictures of the relationship. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 15, 2021 at 10:25 pm
Hi D, so you need to re start from the day you asked your friend to get in touch with your ex. This is breaking the rules of NC. Re start and work in yourself in that time, especially if your ex is still showing anger towards you. Yes you can follow the 45 day rule as you are blocked, but asking family or friends to speak to him about non important things such as photos is breaking NC rules.
D
December 26, 2020 at 2:01 am
We were in a LDR so it’s not like we have mutual friends 🙁 I only knew his best friend – I even suspect that he encouraged my ex bf to break up with me. Is there another way to get unblocked or is it still ok to send the gifts with a letter explaining that I didn’t want to throw the away? I just have the feeling he won’t unblock me any time soon…..
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 28, 2020 at 7:54 pm
Hi D, do not send a gift and letter to your ex, you need to just focus on working on yourself during your No Contact. I understand it is difficult but make sure that you work on yourself through this period. Getting unblocked is about you making sure that if/when he does check in on your social media, or reaches out that you are doing great and he realises that you don’t feel that you need him
D
December 25, 2020 at 2:13 am
It was a LDR so we don’t have any mutual friends 🙁 the only friend I know is his best friends but I only have his number. In fact I suspect this friend encouraged him to break up with me. Is there another way to make him unblock or is it ok to send him the gifts and explain that I didn’t want to throw them away?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 30, 2020 at 7:37 pm
Hi D, the only way to get unblocked is to go about your life and live it with the goal of becoming the best version of yourself, he will unblock you when he gets curious why you are not trying to reach out to him after a certain amount of time. I would suggest that you do not send the gifts, I would suggest you give them to someone else, return them or just keep for yourself if they are not personalised. I understand they were meant for him but sending them is not going to get your ex to come back or talk to you, if anything he will think that you are not respecting his decision to end the relationship.
D
December 22, 2020 at 10:58 pm
Hello!
I thought that maybe sending him the gifts could bring him good memories about the relationship (it’s nothing related to the relationship but I know it’s things he would like to get) and also a chance to get unblocked because I don’t know how I’ll reach out to him after the 45 days are over. Any suggestion? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 23, 2020 at 11:21 pm
Hey again D, so the chances of getting unblocked in that time isn’t something I can tell you. But if you work on yourself (read the ungettable articles) and apply this to yourself, as well as using your social media so mutual friends can see you’re doing well it will get back to him that you are happy and living life without him. When exes realise you’re doing good without them that is when they are likely to unblock you.
D
December 21, 2020 at 2:05 pm
Hello!
Thank you for the answer. I am literally blocked everywhere. The only way I can reach out to him is through my brothers whatsapp. That’s how I spoke with him last time. I’m thinking about sending him the gifts I would have given him if we would have seen in person but Idk if it’s a good idea. I thought about writing a letter saying I couldnt do anything with the gifts and that he could still use them… maybe he could unblock me to say something? Is that a good or bad idea?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 22, 2020 at 6:55 pm
Hi D, do not send any gifts and do not reach out through your brothers phone either. I would not suggest sending the gifts, you need to appear to be moving on not holding on to the hope he will come back. Continue with the program and keep reading articles.
D
December 20, 2020 at 5:01 pm
Hi,
My bf broke up with me 2 weeks before my trip to him. The day of the break up I was begging him to let me see him, didn’t work and the trip didn’t happen. Is it possible to get an ex bf back when he’s sure he wants nothing to do with you ever again? Because that was the feeling I had when we spoke for the last time. I broke NC rule after 1 week and asked him why we couldn’t see and all he said was “you need to respect my decision please don’t text me”. I am pretty sure I became a gnat for him. I’m thinking about doing NC for 45 days (it’s day 10 today). I am also blocked everywhere. Is it possible or should I move on?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 20, 2020 at 6:51 pm
Hi D, it can be possible as long as you work on yourself during this time and show your ex that you are respecting his decision to break up and not reach out for 45 days, and when you do reach out you need to be sure that you are reaching out with the methods that Chris explains in his articles.
Lisa
December 26, 2017 at 4:58 pm
I committed almost all of the sins. Do we still have a chance of getting back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 1:23 am
Have you taken our quiz? You can still try nc..
Sara
October 10, 2016 at 2:27 am
Hi,
So my situation is that we broke up 3 weeks ago…. The day he broke up with me, and the day after, I was blowing up his phone with texts/calls. Basically begging for him to change his mind. Obviously that it didn’t work. After those two days, I started No Contact, but then he reached out to me five days later to pick up his things. We talked in person for a bit, and I wanted to get back together. I wasn’t emotional or anything but I did say that I missed him and wanted to try again. He said that he’ll think about it. The next day, I didn’t text/call him but I didn’t hear from him either. The day after, I texted him asking if we could talk. We talked on the phone later that night for an hour and a half, and I was pretty emotional. I told him that I loved him, missed him, what we had was special etc etc and he said he missed me too but didn’t know if he still loved me. He also said he wanted to get back together but he really doesn’t see us working out. So after that conversation, the next day I texted him, apologizing for how dramatic and long our convo went the night before. He replied with a short message and that was the last time I spoke to him. It has been two weeks since our last interaction, and I haven’t reached out to him since. I’m trying to focus on improving myself, but I can’t help to think about him. I was just wondering if NC would still work in my situation? Since I did make some mistakes of begging, GNAT, breaking NC the first time….
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 10:02 am
Hi Sara,
there’s no guarantee that it will but the best you can do is to really just focus in improving yourself that you will have your own routine and own life, so that even if you don’t get him back, you still have yourself.
olivia B.
September 10, 2016 at 10:00 pm
Hello there, ok so i broke the no contact rule. I didn’t tell him i miss him or love him exactly i just sent him a link to a song. Its a very powerful song and it pretty much said everything i was thinking. I did not say anything about this song not even a word. I was not planning on replying either if he did respond. I just wanted him to hear it. He has not responded to it at all. Im pretty heartbroken over everything and i do know i need the be away from everything. i left him and at first he was calling and messaging me, but since that he’s gone silent. I love him and idk what will happen in the future but i just want him so badly too see how he has hurt me emotionally and how i really just can not take it anymore. He’s extremely jealous, and insecure. Will he ever realize? 🙁
olivia B.
September 12, 2016 at 6:28 pm
thanks so much, i know your right its the hardest thing i have ever had to do. I don’t want us to never talk again. A part of me feels like he doesn’t even care. We were so in love but it just got way to toxic because he always thought i was lying and cheating. I feel like he thinks everything is my fault and thinks that because i am distancing myself and not talking to him that i have to be with another guy. I know he’s stubborn, and I’m really scared 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 10:51 am
Hi Olivia,
Be strong.. If you really want to increase your chances, improve yourself. Focus on that. Make him regret by not chasing him and being the best you
Krista
August 25, 2016 at 9:44 pm
I was dating someone for 2 months. We’ve broken up twice due to massive arguments-each time, he has disappeared for about 2 weeks with no word and I’ve been the “gnat”.
This last break up he told me I texted and called too much and he couldn’t handle it.
I attempted the no contact rule the first time we broke up and gave in at about two weeks, which was when we got back together.
If I attempt the no contact rule again, should I shoot for longer than a month since I broke it in the past?
Also-as far as FB goes, should I not post a lot so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying too hard?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 29, 2016 at 3:25 pm
HI Krista,
the posts have to be natural, like you’re just living life… and I think you should do a full 30 days.
Jules
July 20, 2016 at 1:26 am
Hi, does the no contact rule could still work to get my ex boyfriend back if he broke up with me 3 months ago? Sadly, we never stopped texting and slept together ocasionally. I just found out 2 days ago he’s going out with a girl, it makes me feel so awful.
Considering my situation, could I still get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Hi Jules
you said you never stopped talking, so there’s a chance that it can still work
Longing for Love
July 5, 2016 at 4:08 pm
Hello,
I just want to start off by saying that I am not sure if this is the correct place to ask a question. My boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago, and I have a question regarding the no contact rule. I would like to explain a brief summary of our relationship. I have read through this website everyday and it’s what’s keeping me sane.
My ex-boyfriend and I met on an online dating site about 4 months ago. We dated for about a month and a half and then he asked me to be his girlfriend one evening while we took a walk around a lake. Things were going great. I was his plus one for his best friend’s wedding. I was introduced to everyone as his girlfriend, and our relationship has progressed. We spent 2-3 nights a week together. We’ve met each other’s friends and had double dates, etc. We’ve talked a few times about how we both are looking for someone to marry. I am 27 years old and he turned 30 about a month ago.
We recently had a little bit of an argument. He wants a room mate so he can save money. He wanted to move in another woman. I expressed my concern with not feeling comfortable with that idea. I just do not feel comfortable with my new boyfriend moving a woman into his 2 bedroom apartment. I know some people may disagree, but I know myself. He told me that I reminded him of his friends controlling and manipulative wife. I told him that he could do whatever wants, and I can’t control him, but I do not feel comfortable with it. The argument was very civil. There was no yelling or anything like that. We both just explained our reasoning. He told me he would think about it, and let me know what he decides.
The next time I saw him (he came over on a Friday night). He dumped me. He said, “He doesn’t have substantial feelings for me, and he’s looking for someone he can marry.” I replied, “That’s fine.” He responded, “That’s fine?” I said, “Yes. that’s fine” He said, “You didn’t notice me getting distant?” I said, “No.” (In reality he wasn’t distant. I didn’t think he was. He called me. He texted me in the morning with inside jokes, etc). I wished him well. Gave him his birthday gift (that just arrived in the mail). And sent him on his way. I did not cry in front of him, yell, scream, or argue. I wanted to remain dignified. I saved my crying until he left. In reality, I was not fine with his decision, but I felt how can you reason with someone who is dumping you. So, I accepted it.
This came as a shock to be dumped when the relationship seemed to be progressing well. We talked about marriage and kids. We had tickets to an expensive musical that is coming up in a week or so. We had a hotel booked for a romantic weekend getaway at a vineyard for 2 weeks away. He even rsvp’d me for his sister’s wedding that is out of state this October. So for him to tell me that he has no substantial feelings for me really hurt me considering we made so many wonderful plans together.
I immediately went into no contact mode after finding this website. I changed my Facebook profile pic (to a pretty pic of me wearing an evening gown). I un-followed him and his friends on Facebook, so I wouldn’t be able to see something that would hurt me. I even took an impromptu road trip with family and posted pics on Facebook showing all the fun I’ve been having. During the road trip my family and I were hit by another car.
My ex boyfriend saw that I was in a car accident from Facebook, and reached out to me at 7 am this morning (about 4 hours ago). He just asked if I was doing OK from the car accident, since he saw my facebook post. It’s been 11 days since we broke up and 11 days of no contact. The day he dumped me he told me he wanted to be my friend. But, I want more than friendship from him. It is too painful to be just friends with him.
1. Do I respond to the question, because it’s about my well being?
2. Do you think he is just being “friendly” since he told me he wanted to be his friend?
3. Do you think that ex boyfriend recovery can work for me, even though we only dated for about 4 months?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
Longing for Love
September 9, 2016 at 3:47 pm
You’re right. He won’t be sorry, because we’re not together anymore. Should I go no contact or text him. He texted me last week after our phone call and I didn’t respond, because it didn’t require one.
Should I initiate another text? Or should I wait for him to text me, so he has to chase?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 12:18 pm
You don’t have to do another no contact. It’s ok to be less available but whenever you talk,make it fun. And when you’re not available be active in social media.. Well, even if you are available so that you’ll be consistent.
Longing for Love
September 8, 2016 at 3:36 pm
Thank you. So when we talk on the phone again, I shouldn’t even mention it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 3:36 pm
yup.. I know it’s hard but based on how you know him..would he be sorry or he would get defensive?
Longing for Love
September 8, 2016 at 5:21 am
I thought there was progress, but I found his profile active on 2 different dating sites. Do I send him a message on there? Do I act like I don’t know?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 3:15 pm
nope, that’s confronting him. If you do that, he would either get annoyed or avoid you.
Longing for Love
September 1, 2016 at 8:58 pm
Hello,
This is a follow-up to the previous posts on This thread. I’ve completed the no contact period successfully. We texted here and there. Not everyday, but once in awhile. I’ve been active on facebook. Looking good. Going out with friends, etc.
A couple of nights ago we finally talked on the phone. I texted that I had a dream about him and he called to hear about what my dream was. After 15 mins on the phone I suddenly ended the phone call like I had to go.
He texted like 2 mins after we hung up and said I should call again to talk. What should I do?
I told him to call me sometime, because I said I don’t want to bother him. Am I making progress? What do you suggest? Are these good signs?
Thank you for your advice!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Yep! It’s a good sign! Try to transition a text to a call before it reaches it’s high point.
Longing for Love
July 8, 2016 at 4:07 pm
Ok. Thank you for the advice. He texted me again this morning, so I will just continue nc and keep improving myself. I hope this nc time is giving him time to think about our relationship and miss me.
Longing for Love
July 8, 2016 at 3:35 am
Hello again,
It’s been 13 days of nc now. It’s been only 2 days since he texted me (I took your advice and didn’t respond). I noticed today that he untagged himself out of our pictures on facebook. What do you think of that? Do you think he got mad that I didn’t respond to his text message?
Thank you,
LFL
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 8, 2016 at 1:26 pm
it can be, or can be his way to get your attention but either eay just continue being productive and actively imoroving yourself and in social media.. if you break nc just to message him after that he will continue to do stuff that will get you to do what he wants..
Longing for Love
July 6, 2016 at 2:40 pm
Thank you for your quick response. So do you think I should continue nc until I reach 30 days, and then initiate a short convo using the 1-2-1-2 method?
Thank you,
LFL
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 7, 2016 at 2:20 pm
yes on both 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 6, 2016 at 8:09 am
Hi Longing for love,
I hope you’re getting better.. Actually you had the right reason not to approve of his room mate and you acted right during the break up.. it’s better if you won’t reply.. that’s good that he’s concern but it might be his way of befriendin you back.. it’s better if you are the one to initiate a convo after nc so you have control
SIobhan
June 11, 2016 at 4:43 pm
Hey there!
I would like to say that I have only committed the begging to a small extent (I never said I want him back or that I love him, it was more I asked if he misses me like twice). What I’m most worried about is that I went to a couple of mutual friends that are around him and I asked them to ask him about our break up and how he’s feeling. Well I’m pretty sure two of those friends told him that I was asking them to get a read on him, I wasn’t begging I just asked them to casually ask him like “How are you doing?””Do you miss her?” “What happened?” How do I recover from him knowing that I’ve been kinda fishing around to see how he is?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 9:39 am
Hi Slobhan,
in his eyes, it’s still a form of chasing.. how are you now?
Messed UP
April 25, 2016 at 3:09 pm
I’ve committed sin 5 and I don’t know how to fix it….
When My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago I went into NC right away for 30 days. It was successfully because after I initiated contact, he responded and even began texting me almost every day. This went on for about 2-3 weeks. He invited me out this weekend, but then ditched the plan saying he is seeing a friend. I was upset because I was really excited to see him. He then told me the friend was a girl he hasn’t seen in awhile. I freaked out because I know all his friends (we were together over a year). He doesn’t really have friends who are girls. So I questioned him who she was (big mistake) which lead him to get angry and exit the conversation. I sent and apology (but did not mention the girl/jealousy just that I was hurt that he ditched our plans) and told him to let me know if we can do something this week. He hasn’t responded (it’s been 3 days). I don’t know if I should text him like nothing happened or go in a mini NC period and wait for him to initiate our conversation. What do you think? How can I recover?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 5:34 am
HI Messed up,
go in a mini nc, continue what you were doing nc.. and if he initiates a talk, don’t bring it up.. If he doesn’t initiate a talk, text him after two weeks.
Annie
April 14, 2016 at 8:26 am
He does wish me on holidays, and talk about how he wants to start a family someday etc. So i think he’s confused but placed me in the friendzone until he makes up his mind. Yes, I have been going to the gym and taking up some new hobbies. This is the longest I’ve gone not speaking to him in over a year. I just worry that if I don’t say anything, he may also not respond at all.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 12:53 pm
it’s possible but it’s ok to initiate contact when you’re done in nc?
Annie
April 13, 2016 at 4:31 am
Dear Chris/Amor. Thanks for all the advice on your site! Its super interesting to read 🙂 In my situation, this guy dumped me out of the blue after 2 months (we were friends for 7 months before) and he said it was because he was afraid it wouldnt work out. He insisted we stay friends and said he wouldn’t be okay not having me in his life. I agreed and we’ve stayed in touch since last october till now (we text once every 2 weeks or so). He’s sent me some mixed signals here and there along the way and as far as I know he’s not seeing anybody and he hasnt told me otherwise. However I’ve definitely commited sins 1-4 mentioned above. I’ve tried to talk about the relationship only to have him shut down, ask him if he has a problem with me when he’s just busy. He still talks but our conversations are short, he seems disinterested and sometimes its just me talking. I know I’ve come across as super clingy and I want to change that. I’ve started no contact and Im on Day 7. I have 2 questions 1) Should I continue with no contact 2) Do you think he’ll try to contact me? He hasnt so far.
Annie
April 14, 2016 at 3:36 am
I should also indicate he hasn’t kept in touch with any of his previous exes either.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 5:17 am
Hi Annie,
are you productive? Have you been improving yourself and started to do nee hobbies? Going to the gym? because if not you have to start over.. Yes, you should continue no contact because you have to build self esteem and raise your self worth.. I think he friendzoned you..you have to get past that and be more attractive by striving to be the ungettable girl
Phoebe
April 10, 2016 at 7:07 pm
Hi,
Your site has helped me out a lot. I’m in a situation where we’re both scared of commitment but we both are attracted to each other. He dumped me twice, first because he was being stupid and I got mad at him and then the second because I was the jerk and messed up by getting worked up and mad over his perfectly reasonable feelings about not being able to commit. I’m certain we’re still attracted to each other but I’ve already done all the mistakes the first time around, so I’m squaring up and doing the no contact rule after my last text, saying that I agree with him that we’re not a good fit and I can’t do things his way (FWB although it’s obvious we both caught feelings). I ignored him for about 25 days and he texted me first the first time, so I’m certain it will work again if I ignore him for longer and show him I’m really sorry how things ended last time. Thanks for all your advice. It’s great that you have a free site so anyone can read it and know what to do in situations like this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 11:42 am
you’re welcome Phoebe!
shin
March 28, 2016 at 7:20 am
Hi, I am shin. My boyfriend broke up with me for almost 2 months. And I have done all the deadly sins post break up. At first he still respond at me when I am texting or calling him. But a week a go, I guess his patience with me has ended. After I ask him again for second chance and that I wanted to die. And this time he didn’t respond anymore. So I rest for a week and yesterday I texted him a quotation and said goodluck to his upcoming interview. Still he didn’t respond. Do I still have a chance if I do NC… He is still with the girl that he cheated on me. Thank you. I hope you’ll respond.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:24 am
Hi Shin,
if he’s still with the girl, it’s better to keep your distance because you might end up being his side girl if you chase him
Dee
November 7, 2015 at 9:09 am
Hi Chris,
I also posted on another page, I’m the so-called 42 year old who dated a 33 year old, and we broke up after a 5 year living together relationship. Then I clicked thru to thus page! And ooops! I committed some of these sins, arguing few times, sex twice after the initial break up, mostly because we live together and he’s handsome lol, and about 4 gnat texts! Now I called my support group of family who live just an hour away, and great girlfriends who 8 go to the beach, gym, parties with! I’m on week 3 of NC, blocked his number & facebook. You’re so right, why would he chase me if I still had sex right after the break up, then we argued the next morning about using me for sex & I said this isn’t working. He got angry too, said he’s moving out Nov. 21. Then I sent my 4 gnat texts. Ugh! But I at least feel great about my 3 weeks NC. My parents and friends say wait until Nov. 21. Should I text, call or see him in person, wait even longer than Nov. 21? Thanks so much & congrats on your new baby!