The Seven Deadly Sins Women Commit After A Breakup

157 thoughts on “EBR 031: The Seven Deadly Sins Women Commit After A Breakup”

Angela

November 1, 2015 at 10:42 am

As for me, I’ve been in a relationship fo 4 months with a guy. It was my first relationship. I wanted not to have sex before marriage but with him I made a lot of stuff I shoudn’t have done. I felt bad after doing it and made feel him bad for trying to do so. We were always breaking up. I was. And I was coming back to him each time. Now after 2 years I still am in love and want the guy but he is with another girl. Everytime we try to see each other and fix things, I feel like all he wants is sex. Once we’re appart, he plays the busy guy not contacting me. I know I might seem needy cause I ask him to reassure me. Today I contacted him. Asked him he all we had meant something to him. He told me he couldn’t speak right now and he’d text me tonight. I feel really bad for loving and obsessing over a guy who is with another girl. She’s putting pitures of them happy travelling… And I feel like a fool for falling each time in his trap. He went at a place he told me he’d go with me with her!!!
I need your advice.
Jess

September 24, 2015 at 1:39 pm

Also when i left on Labour Day, I said goodbye then, take care, and he got mad and said why do you always have to say things like that and leave things negative…. I flat out asked him if it was over and he say’s -I’m not talking about this right now” and when i told him why I was upset with him during the relationship, it was like he was trying to tell me that he wanted the same things i did it was just bad timing…he also is using how much he is working as an excuse (54 hour weeks/ 6 days a week) and when i went to leave he also said, i won’t be working these hours forever – soooooooo confused 🙁
Jess

September 24, 2015 at 1:34 pm

Hey Chris,

I have committed many many sins since my ex and I broke up. Huge text ngat, showed up at his house to try and talk several times, begged, told him I loved him, etc, etc. I do love him. I want to get him back, He has resisted my attempts however he has almost come around a few times. He get’s really angry when i show up at his house and says things like it’s over, there is no chance, at first… but he will calm down and he always says one or two things that make me think there is…. like I do like you but i hate when you do this, and i already regret this (when i was leaving and said you are going to regret this), and he will sometimes kiss me, always hugs me….sometimes i feel like when i leave he wants to give it another change but he is the ultimate stubborn guy (which he admitted). This has been going on for 5 1/2 months….the last time i saw him was Labor Day weekend (when i showed up) … he hasn’t spoken to me since… I have been a text gnat since… he always does this, silence for a few weeks when he’s mad – i know this sounds ridiculous and childish, on both parts…but I know for me it’s because i love him and i feel like he deep down he has feelings for me and is conflicted (he is going through a really hard time)… I really want this man back, I just don’t know if no contact after this long will work ? I did try it once throughout this, got to day 27 and texted that i missed him. He texted be back the next day but then, I immediately went into let’s work this out, and then he went silent again…. do you think i still have a shot at all or should i just give up? I don’t know how to get through to him….we broke up over a few silly not important arguments… I don’t know if he is making excuses at this point or if there is still a chance….. HELP
Mel

August 29, 2015 at 9:01 pm

my ex blocked me on facebook after i commented on his picture of his new girlfriend. When do you think hes going to unblock me? its been a month and a half since he broke up with me. And immidiately started dating

Chris Seiter

August 30, 2015 at 4:24 pm

He might not unblock you because he’s trying to protect his current relationship. What was the comment you left and what were you trying to accomplish by that?

I ruined it

August 23, 2015 at 3:09 pm

What if you have already done all these things? for the last 2 months of the relationship & about a week after he dumped you?…

Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 6:01 pm

No problem, You can still get him back. Do the no contact for 30 days and reflect on how you can change these behaviors when you get back with him. Don’t tell him you’ve changed, show him through action.

Bobbie

July 20, 2015 at 8:48 pm

Chris, I need your help! The only advice I see is, “Don’t sleep with your ex.” But what if you already have? I have been with my guy for three years. We never fight, but dating him is like dating a rubber band. One week he will be really into me, calling me all the time and visiting; the next he doesn’t have time to see me and barely calls. Sometimes he will call daily…..other times he will let days go in-between calls. On June 30 he told me… “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you or anyone else.” Then he said he had to go and would call me back. Two hours later when he called, I told him. “Look, we can talk, but right now I’m feeling really angry and hurt and frustrated. So we can talk but you need to give me some time.” He hesitated so I asked if he had heard me. He said yes so I said. Good, we’ll talk soon ok. He said ok and I said bye and hung up. Then I went no contact; as of July 1. He tried to call me the next day and again three days later. Then nothing. Last Friday I went to a club, he doesn’t go out on the weekends, but after about a half hour, I turned around and he was standing right in front of me. I said hi, he said hi. I turned around and walked away. So ended our 17 days of NC. A little later I approached him and said…so what, are we supposed to talk or ignore each other or what. He said, I thought you were ignoring me. I said, no…you said you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me and I’m respecting your space. Long story short, we ended up dancing for the next two hours. Both of us were drinking. When it was time to leave, he walked me to my car ….. we talked a bit. He asked if he could follow me home. I hesitated, and he said…no no it’s ok. So I said….no, I want to but….. Finally I said, Ok…but this is not over, we still need to talk about this. He said ok. We ended up having sex. He did not stay the night, but called me on his way home. Said his phone was dying so I told him he better go in case of an emergency and he needed a phone. He texted me “Home safe” when he got there. I have not heard from him since, it’s been three days. Please tell me…..what do I do now?
Irene

July 15, 2015 at 10:09 pm

Hi Chris and Family, thx much for sharing your stories and insights.

I am almost in 3rd week of NC; I also pulled my FB profile and Messenger, deleted his contact from skype and deleted his phone number. Pain much lol!

I discovered he lied about something which seems inconsequential to him, however to me it changed the dynamics of our relationship; he took away my right to informed choice when he deliberately omitted information to a) not hurt me (his justification) and b) not lose me (selfishness over respect).

We have been LDR for 6 months (contact every 3-5 days), previous to that in contact daily to every 3 days.
He returns from overseas day 30 of NC, so I am going to leave it another week (family and friends to catch up with, no job coming back to, finding his own place to live etc).

Although he hasn’t tried to make contact (txt/phonecall/re-invite for skype or FB etc), I’m confident that he either wants to speak face to face or is hurt and angry.

I’m not ready to speak to him face to face. I have prepped my first text to see if he responds: my goal is to not lose a person I love dearly from my life. If he is open to it, we can process this boundary issue and at least not lose each other from lives, at best we Will be communicating more honestly.

I have my plan; I took out the pre-built jealous (I know you talk of sprinkles), the z effect I do already because it keeps the conversations fresh with things to talk about, and sets my boundaries whilst leaving a conversation on a high note.

Am reading both your blogs, especially comments on ex-girlfriend site. It is reassuring to read so many mens’ experiences, feelings, needs and expectations which are so similar to women’s.
Hope for humanity.

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:08 pm

Do you mind sending the text you have prepared over to me so I can scan it and see it?

Neeli

June 24, 2015 at 1:38 pm

Hello chris, I’m in an on again off again relationship for 1 year, everything was awsome and great till a week ago that we had an arguement about him spending much more time with his best guy friend than spending time with me and he said that’s the way he is and I can’t change him, we had no contact for 3 days then I Called him and asked if we are still together or if this is a break up and he said we are still together and started being so nice again but then a few hours later we got into that same arguement again(spending not enough time) and this time he broke up because he is so busy and can’t spend alot of time with girlfriend and I can not get along with his lifestyle. We broke up and I told him i won’t waste another day for him and asap will find another guy to have fun with, next morning he sent a long long message about how much he cares for me and enjoyd being in a relationship with me and how he always shows he doesn’t care where it’s the opposite and deep down he really cares and he is sorry for everytime he hurt me and He was so blessed to meet me the first time and blah blah blah, but he shoud leave and said goodbye. I replyed “I thought your text is gonna be a make up text but It’s a goodbye and i am so sorry for failing at keeping the best thing i ever had and I’m gonna miss him but I will learn how to deal with it. ”
What should I do now?
JN

June 3, 2015 at 1:50 pm

This only happened after we had sex which he initiated & the conversations were fueled by our daughter having major fits which lasted 2 months about wanting her old life back which was completely heartbreaking.
JN

June 3, 2015 at 12:43 pm

If u have committed these 7 deadly sins,( texting, conversations, sex) is there a chance to still getting your ex back…?

JN

June 3, 2015 at 6:57 pm

He’s routine is to try with my physically– wether it’s just to hold me, kiss me, or try to take it further, saying ‘why do we always end up this way?’

I get it now that I should take a step back, but what should I say when he puts me in this situation to bring him closer?
Chris Seiter

June 3, 2015 at 5:07 pm

You do but it is lowered.

jodie

June 1, 2015 at 4:12 am

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me after 3 years a week ago and since then I have bombarded him with messages and begged for him back for a whole week. He has agreed to meet me a few times during this week and we have left it on good terms but he said that he will ignore me from now on because he doesn’t want me to message him anymore.
so if i implement the no contact rule will this work? since it is him the doesn’t want me to speak to him anymore.
Do i have a chance of NC working if i have been a “Gnat” for a week and turned him away even more?
Nico

May 29, 2015 at 8:29 pm

Hi Chris, just wanted to say that I love the format of your website (though I don’t know what the old one was like!) Anyway – after my ex broke up with me I did almost everything you’re explaining here. I begged, called and texted incessantly for two days straight, and told him that I loved him/missed him (and always would), contacted his friends over and over – I pretty much offered my life up to him. Though we ended things pretty peacefully (no big fight, he just said the relationship had become negative) I just wonder if I’ve ruined my chances of ever being together again because of the dependency I showed not only in our relationship but directly after it. After a few days of trying to contact him I gave up, and initiated NC a week ago. He has tried to contact me once so far about something I mentioned during the text gnat period, but that’s it. I would love to hear what you think. Thank you!

Nico

June 3, 2015 at 12:21 am

Yeah I think so too. Thank you for your response! On Tuesday he just texted me giving me a tip about certain concert tickets I was planning on buying, and then he texted me Sunday saying “Hey.” I responded the next morning saying “I need more time” (so that he didn’t think i was playing mind games with him or flat out ignoring him.) Then, today I caved and sent a “what’s up” text. We made small-talk and it sort of faded out. It was very positive, not focused on anything relationship-wise but the ratio was 1:1 and we were both very calm. I’m thinking of doing NC for another 3 weeks or at least until he reaches out to me again. I don’t know. I just trusted my instincts today and I think through our small conversation he was able to see that I am becoming independent. What do you think?
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:51 am

Trust me this was a massive step up from the old version.

What did he say when he contacted you?

Alice

May 27, 2015 at 12:50 pm

Hey Chris,

First of all, I want to thank you so much for all of the information you have taken the time to put out for us. The site is wonderful. I just have a question pertaining contacting my ex. Basically he broke up with me and I did several of the deadly sins like begging and starting fights. However I eventually decided to go NC for my own sake and I didn’t talk to him for 3 months. He didn’t try to talk to me in that time though. During that time I got fit, improved my appearance, and became a much happier, confident person. I even briefly dated another person (my ex doesn’t know this). I recently reached out to my ex with the “I have a confession to make” text and be responded very positively. We have been talking every couple days for the past week and a half, and he has responded positively every time. We have even spoken on the phone once. However he hasn’t contacted me first yet. Should I stop contacting him for a while to see if he reaches out to me? Or should I continue to build try to build a rapport? I don’t want to come across as clingy to him.
jazz

May 16, 2015 at 2:12 pm

Hi Chris, I’m actually in love with this as your site, i get motivated when i feel low..
okay, my ex broke up with me and went to another girl in a week after breakup who is prettier than me, we were in 2.5 years of relationship and after i got to know that he’s with someone i fought badly with him, i did all the sins except ‘Grand gestures’ and ‘Sleeping with him”
i have been very desperate begging and fought with his current girlfriend, SITUATION IS WORST.. we have abused each other (me and my ex) in anger. He has given me a deadly statement that ” I’ll Die but Will never Be back with you” and in relationship of 2.5 years we were good, physically attached..
now after i did a lot mistakes after breakup — “fighting, becoming common enemy and getting desperate “..
WILL I BE GETTING HIM BACK IN MY LIFE ??
Right now I’m in NC rule period.. but of course he’s with new girl, why will he think about me 🙁

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:57 pm

In love with my site haha.

My site is a tough one to pin down. He’s very needy.

I think you are right to go NC though.

AprilMae

May 14, 2015 at 2:19 am

Hey Chris,

So its been over a month since me and my LDR ex broke up. Yes, we have been seeing each other in person, weekends here and there… We even tried to come up with a plan to stay with each other permanently, but its so hard because our careers and all the uncertainties and insecurities. After we broke up, i will admit, I DID ALMOST ALL OF THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS but sleep with him. I am just barely doing the NC rule since I just found your site a few days ago, but it might be too late now. I gnat him so much he changed his phone number. We’ve been communicating through email sometimes. But he is very short. He wont talk to me. I cant go see him… I’m at the west coast and he is at the mid-west. I’m thinking its too late… IS IT TOO LATE? Especially since we were Long Distance and its been over a month, barely implementing the NC rule? It just seen all the odd are against me. Please help…
Camille

May 12, 2015 at 2:23 am

Hello,

I have committed the being a gnat, arguing and a little begging. He told me I appear desperate to him. It’s been about a month of me doing this. Do I have any chance at all to get him back if I do NC? I’m just afraid that there’s been too much damage now bc I’m unattractive to him in my desperate attempts to get him back.

Chris Seiter

May 12, 2015 at 1:12 pm

You do.

In fact, NC usually raises your chances of success overall.

Raquel

May 10, 2015 at 8:40 pm

Hi Chris
I really like your tips and advice on your site. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks go and he never really gave me a proper reason for the break up. Ive started the no contact rule (started 2 days ago).. must admit its very hard.. but ill get there. But what I want to know is that a few days later ofter the break up he just out of character blocked me off whatsapp and facebook.. why do u think he did that? We both had a close friend but that friend is more friends with him than me, I manged to casually speak to my ex in person last week (surprisingly didnt go too bad) but when i asked him y he blocked me his response was because my friend said that Im going to stalk him.. (which isnt true anyway). With that said it brings me to my next question.. why is he doing everything his friend says..? We were in a serious relationship and even talking about engagement.. is it possible that they friend convinced to try and be single and not commit (maybe gave my ex ‘cold feet’?)

Thanks I need all the help I can get.
Megan

May 1, 2015 at 9:29 pm

Hi Chris!
I’ve already committed a few of these deadly sins including begging for him to come back, breaking the no contact rule, and arguing with him on multiple occasions.

I have finally came to the realization however of what I really need to do. One thing being cutting off all contact again but following through for good this time. Do you think it’s already too late? Is there anything I should do to fix the damage I’ve already caused?

Ps he has a new girlfriend too. Any thoughts on that?

Thanks!
Jae

April 25, 2015 at 1:03 pm

Hi chris, i figure out that i would use the voicemail to tell you my problem, but its really long >< how can i ask for your help?

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:07 pm

Asking here is probably ideal.

Lena

April 25, 2015 at 6:52 am

Hey Chris
Layout: I prefer the old one much much more. To be honest it feels like the new one is a little too much and a lot less personal. It’s a lot more pro looking though, if that’s what you are going for.
Situation: It’s a long story but basically we’ve been broken up for over a year, we talk every now and then and are on pretty good terms.
He apologized to me a while ago despite me being very friendly to him and not making him feel guilty at all. Anyway he was relieved when I accepted his apology. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me.
Any ideas?

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:04 pm

I was going for the pro look haha.

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157 thoughts on “EBR 031: The Seven Deadly Sins Women Commit After A Breakup”