136 thoughts on “EBR 033: Rapid Fire Ex Boyfriend Questions”

1. 

   Jannah

   April 29, 2015 at 6:18 am

   Hey Chris!
   First, for the pay-for-advice. I’ve seen other relationship coaches prioritize those who pay to get tailored advice. You mentioned that paying for a tailored advice would mean guiding you on your specific situation all the way. I think this is a good idea to have because there are some women out there who value your advice and can become desperate and sometimes time is tight in their situation (and who email or send you messages continuously). I also think that this is a good idea because you answer comments anyway and emails if you have free time. It’s more of PRIORITIZING those who paid rather than depriving people of advice. It only means that those who are asking for free advice will have to wait.

   In my opinion, there are a lot of things in your articles/podcasts and ebook that can be applied creatively in any situation- thing is, not everyone has such comprehension or creativity or even emotional stability to make a game plan from ALL these entries (and some people don’t read.) That is why some women would want a “tailor fit” advice for their specific situation.. it’s because they have a hard time taking tips and mixing them from your other articles (but really, there are A LOT to pick up from your other entries). Don’t get me wrong though (whoever reads this) because it’s difficult to creatively apply different plans when you’re an emotional mess (I’ve been there.) That is why NC is important too, so you can review Chris’s site and strategize your own game plan based on his lit. NC is not about winning your ex back, it is primarily about you being okay (and Chris, it is easy for some who come to you to pretend they did the NC.) I think tailor-fit advice is best for those with special cases or for those who actually applied your advice and still failed or is in a pinch. If anyone needs better understanding or explanation on Chris’s lit, comments section is always open. Podcasts can be for fresh content or special cases (paid or not). Paid advice could be for those who email or send voicemails with similar content already. The rest that are for free would be in the comments section and when there’s extra time to respond to (short) emails. Just my opinion.

   Second, quick question for a friend: We are having a hard time trying not to get into the friendzone. What should be done/said if your ex and you are hanging out nicely and he either

   1) Mentions/talks about a girl he is crushing on or he is dating
   2) He talks about his relationship problems (example, “I like this girl, she’s cute. But what do I do?”)
   3) He is fixated on a certain girl or girls he is dating (eyes and notice off you). Or he sees something that reminds him of some other girl.

   Should we ignore? Should we change the topic? Should we go along with it or agree with 1-2 sentences? Or should we show disgust or disappointment? If we show a negative response, he might not feel comfortable with us. If we show a positive response, we might get friendzoned. If we ignore, then that might be rude. We understand that since we are exes, we are “levelled” with the other girls he is dating (with a little disadvantage of the breakup and the advantage of a history) and therefore we have to be in competition too so we have to prove we’re the best option. We also don’t have to the right to act like a girlfriend per se because he would notice that and it would make him run away further.

   We have read your articles and podcasts on the friendzone topic and it’s a little difficult for us to grasp or put into action so we would like a good understanding for our situation.

   We read in one of your works something about “giving him the one thing or things he can’t get from other women” and one of the examples given was “emotional support.” This involves helping him with problems that make him go “Oh wow, this girl knows what she’s talking about. Wow she’s amazing!” And our exes are the type who doesn’t really get emotional support from anyone in general (keeps to himself). But again, it says that being such an emotional support can get you into the friendzone. It is pretty hard because it’s true that attraction can be built while there is an air of friendship or while we are stepping on the “friendship pod/step” to get to the romance part. However, it’s also difficult to estimate how much “friendship” should be performed to not reach the friendzone.

   We are taught to be “a good friend FIRST” to the person we are interested in, but there is the fear of friendzone. And if we play it hot and cold, the other will assume that we are just not up for socializing/not interested anymore. Other relationship coaches said that we have to play it cool or not bank on the romance part too much (especially if the guy has commitment issues) and banking on the romance part will always put pressure on them. We decided to approach your advice on this because you strike a great balance on game plans in getting an ex boyfriend back. It would really help if we understood it a bit more because when we start acting like a good friend (with the potential to melt his heart and go awww this girl is amazing and sweet/ideal gf type) we worry “oh maybe he is seeing us as a bestie/friendzoned. We were the jealous type of girlfriends before as well, and we have to prove that we’re not like that anymore. Ack! I’m sorry I have a hard time explaining our inquiry but I hope you got the gist of it.

2. 

   Jen

   April 29, 2015 at 3:15 am

   I think the coaching idea is a wonderful idea. I’d really like to get more easily in contact with you, Chris.