Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

114 thoughts on “EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?”

Laura

November 21, 2017 at 2:56 am

Hi Chris,

So I have a similar situation as this but my ex is dating someone new. He broke up with his ex of 6 years we got together 6months after that. We dated for about about 5-6months before out of what seemed like no where he broke it off. Shocking not only me but all of our mutual friends. He insisted that it wasn’t me it was him and that he really likes me but he needs time and is confused about what he wants. It has not been about 2-3months since we’ve officially been over and about 3-4weeks since the last time we hooked up. He is now dating someone new. Was I just someone to pass time with? Or is this new girl a rebound relationship as well?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 23, 2017 at 1:13 am

Hi Laura,

Looks like you are both his rebound

Help ...

November 8, 2017 at 2:55 pm

My and ex known each other for 2 1/2 years the first year and a half we just hung out , hooked up .. I guess you can say FWB but we were both fine with it . He has just gotten out of a four year relationship with a girl he planned on marrying and I wasn’t looking for anything serious but after a year and a half of spending time together we got serious and fell in love and got toghter for a year . It was drama and a headache on both of our ends . Finally this last month he started acting weird .. I begin to be a text gnat he said he needed space I wouldn’t give it to him .. he become hit and cold one day calling me and the me t not answering.. one day I blew up his phone he told me he had gotten back with his ex .. I left him alone 7 days later I called him and his number was changed I called his work phone and he told me he was serious about being back with his ex and asked me not to call him …
Looking back on it I think he was stuck between us , and by me constantly calling him cussing at him and insulting .. ruined my chances ..
At times I do miss him and our realtionship but I know it’s for the best & I can find someone better.

But I often think of him and think was I just a rebound ? Did he really just use me for a whole year ? Or was the love real ? I guess I want closure .
Not really sure what to do next and move on without thinking of him ..
he was my first love/relationship

it’s been two weeks since we last spoke.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 10:18 pm

He probably did love you at some point but moving on means doing the right thing, the activities that help you grow no matter what you feel. That’s normal to think that way, your mind is trying to make sense of the hurt, so it’s generalizing all men.. but the more you do what you love, the more you will meet the people who have the same advocacy and hopefully, you’ll meet the right guy there too with the same interest as you..

Help ...

November 8, 2017 at 2:54 pm

My and ex known each other for 2 1/2 years the first year and a half we just hung out , hooked up .. I guess you can say FWB but we were both fine with it . He has just gotten out of a four year relationship with a girl he planned on marrying and I wasn’t looking for anything serious but after a year and a half of spending time together we got serious and fell in love and got toghter for a year . It was drama and a headache on both of our ends . Finally this last month he started acting weird .. I begin to be a text gnat he said he needed space I wouldn’t give it to him ..he would be hot and cold one day calling and the next not answering . one day I blew up his phone he told me he had gotten back with his ex .. I left him alone 7 days later I called him and his number was changed I called his work phone and he told me he was serious about being back with his ex and asked me not to call him …
Looking back on it I think he was stuck between us , and by me constantly calling him cussing at him and insulting .. ruined my chances ..
At times I do miss him and our realtionship but I know it’s for the best & I can find someone better.

But I often think of him and think was I just a rebound ? Did he really just use me for a whole year ? Or was the love real ? I guess I want closure .
Not really sure what to do next and move on without thinking of him .. I don’t want to turn into a bitter girl who thinks all guys are bad .. but that’s kind of were my head is right now .
Because he was my first love/relationship.
it’s been two weeks since we last spoke.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 10:18 pm

He probably did love you at some point but moving on means doing the right thing, the activities that help you grow no matter what you feel. That’s normal to think that way, your mind is trying to make sense of the hurt, so it’s generalizing all men.. but the more you do what you love, the more you will meet the people who have the same advocacy and hopefully, you’ll meet the right guy there too with the same interest as you..

Dena

October 22, 2017 at 12:46 pm

I was the rebound. We had a wonderful time together for the month we dated but he went back to his ex. I broke the nc rule after 2 wks. He responded to me positively and expressed that he still likes me but is talking to her but that could change for the right woman. I didnt argue with him but expressed to him that I still think hes fine and will see him again sometime. Then he said he’s still open and that I need to just steal him. I didnt respond to that then he texted back saying “please.” I didnt respond after that. What does he mean? That he’s available but he is still hanging out with her. I looked on her profile of fb and she had pics of them last night where she tags him. But he doesnt show any of that on his fb page, in fact it still shows his status as single. What should I do? Just lean back and let things work itself out? Im not really comfortable trying to intervene into their relationship start any drama. Im not sure if he really wants to be with her or he wants me, hes giving me mixed signals. I think I should just move on without moving on and maybe he will eventually reach out to me when that relationship with her ends.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 24, 2017 at 4:34 pm

Hi Dena,

Check this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

danny

September 27, 2017 at 7:29 am

I’m doing fine I guess, I have very suportive friends which invite me to do lot of stuff, I’m planning doing some trips abroad in the next months..the only way I can show him my improvements is telling him directly, he doesn’t have any social media account..last time we texted (4 days ago), I gave him a hint about is frequent contact with his ex, which he replied “believe me, time will bring the answers, better than anything I can say right now.” I then changed the subject and when he had to embark to the airplane (he returned home) he said we would continue the conversation later. What is he doing? he’s still not texting/calling first or wanting to meet, am I being put on hold, what should I do now? Is she winning me over?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2017 at 11:13 pm

he doesn’t have to have a social media account, if he gets curious, he can ask or use a friends’ to check yours..it looks like they’re still seeing each other

danny

September 20, 2017 at 10:01 pm

I’m in a similar situation as Anonymous girl, me the rebound (6 month relationship) against his ex girlfriend (6 years), with slight diferences: we were good friends before and had feelings for each other, although never acted upon them of course; she is younger than both of us. As soon his ex broke up to be with someone else, he looked for me and we eventually started dating. His ex found out and started calling and gnatting him, threathening, insulting us and became needy and desperate to get him back. Even so, he supported her in her difficult times, she is an anxiety-driven person. As we were being affected with all of this and his confusion was growing, he broke up with me to clear his head and to “save” our relationship (his words). After doing No Contact for a month, sadly one night I ran into them going out for coffee together. I tried to stay cool, anyway she was kind of arguing with him later when they left. I texted him positively 3 times so far (within another month period) which he was always responsive, even said that still cared about me. Currently he is working abroad for a short time and I know they talk/text everyday in the chat app (don’t know who starts), like we used to do when we were together and he was abroad…he just responds when I take the initiative. I want him back and to be his priority, but I don’t want to act foolish. He isn’t on social media so it’s hard to show him my improvements (he his like Chris, logical and introverted kind of person). Also, I need to know if they are dating again, should I just simply ask? If so, should I keep contacting him occasionally or disappear for good?
Thanks in advance for analyzing my situation..

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2017 at 7:15 pm

Hi Danny,

Ask, if they are, move on.. If not, how much did you improve during your nc and are you still improving yourself now? You still need to be active in posting so that when he gets curious, he will see it..

Sarah

August 22, 2017 at 7:54 pm

Hi Chris and gang.

I started seeing my ex after met him online. He is going through a divorce from his ex that he was with for 13 years. She cheated on him when he’d had a motorbike accident. They split up 17 months ago and they are currently divorcing where she is buying him out of the house. He left his job and moved city 7 months ago, leaving all their friends behind and started a new life ( he says he doesn’t speak to his ex only through solicitor for dealing with divorce as believes that he could never trust anyone that cheated on anyone). He said he felt he was ready to move on but after 2 months, he admitted to me he was still suffering from his ongoing divorce and was depressed which he hid from me and has been to a Dr and been put on medication as he was suffering not long after leaving me that weekend. He came off his motorbike again after leaving me and felt it was Karma and that . From the moment we started talking to meeting up, we had everything in common, same values and ethics, we connected instantly and both said that it felt natural and he often said he couldn’t believe how much we have in common and how easy it was, he said he didn’t feel like he was having to compromise like he’d previously done and that they even argued over what to eat and that he’d never met anyone like me. He joined me on holiday and we spent every weekend together. When he broke it off he said that he really really cared for me but he wasn’t over his ongoing divorce (we had discussed it and he said that he had hoped it would be over with so he can put it behind him but every time his solicitor got in touch with more things to do his heart sunk that it wasn’t over with). He did say he knew I would be upset but knowing how much he was hurting me is just as bad and that he knows I would get over him but his suffering is ongoing and it’s made him irrational and stupid. I tried immediately to try to fix it but he said it was over. I sent him one last message stating that I understood that he didn’t intentionally mean to hurt me and thought that if we had met after he had properly divorced and was fully over that relationship then it would have worked out but I also understood he was not ready for this at this time. I ended it with that I hope he manages to sort everything out and get to a point where he is fully ready for a committed relationship before he goes looking again and to take care. It has been 11 days NC and he has blocked me from Whatsapp and Facebook. Was I just a rebound? do I do the NC and try to make contact? Any comments will be helpful at this stage.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 10:08 pm

Yup, it looks like you’re a rebound.. For me you should move on for now..

Sarah

August 21, 2017 at 11:39 pm

Hi guys. I met my ex online and we hit it off straight away, we had the same values, liked/disliked the same things, got on so well to the point we both commented how easy and natural we felt around each other like we’d known each other for ages not weeks. We spent most weekends together and he came on holiday with me spending a fantastic 5 days with each other where he said he was besotted with me and I was so calming and we started making plans for the future. I fell head over heels for him. We dated for 7 weeks before he broke it off stating he wasn’t over his ongoing divorce and had realised he was depressed and had to see a Dr and get put on medication as he was so low after leaving me the weekend before. He said it wasn’t fair on me and I would move on and he was deeply sorry for hurting me but he really really cared deeply for me. He had told me that he had been married for 13 years and that she had cheated on him when he was in hospital after a motorbike accident and so they agreed it wasn’t going to work. He split from her 17 months ago and moved to a different city leaving the house and all their friends to start again and had been on his own for 7 months before meeting me. He was still dealing with his solicitor re the divorce and said that they only communicated through solicitors as she was buying him out of the house and that each time he got an email from his solicitor that it was taking even longer he felt like his stomach dropped. I do believe he isn’t wanting to get back with her and I told him that I really believe that had we met after his divorce and when he was completely over his ex relationship it would have worked and that he needs to make sure he’s fully ready for a committed relationship before he goes looking for someone again. It’s been 10 days since we broke up and had no contact, he blocked me on WhatsApp and Facebook (which is better for me to help me deal with it). I know think was I just a rebound and should I reach out to him and if so how long do I leave him for? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 10:08 pm

Yup, it looks like you’re a rebound.. For me you should move on for now..

TOTGA1113

August 2, 2017 at 2:59 am

Hi Chris and the members of the team!

Your website saved me from insanity during my post-break up period with my boyfriend (now ex). Here’s what happened. We met when I was single and he just got out of a long term relationship. He said he doesn’t love her anymore. When we were together, his ex wanted him back when she found out about me. I discovered that they were still in contact and they’re always together. I broke up with him when i found out. He tried to win her back after our break-up. I followed everything you said in your articles. I followed the no contact rule and moved on without moving on. Few months after the no contact period he started contacting me and said he missed me. He wanted to meet but i always turn him down. He said he wanted closure and he wants to meet me for the last time. I agreed. When we met, we kissed and one thing led to another. He said he’s unsure but he wants me back but he keeps seeing his ex and me. I got angry and told his ex what he’s been telling me. He got angry and blocked me on social media. Please enlighten me on what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 4, 2017 at 5:08 pm

Hi totga,

Check this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

Carol

June 16, 2017 at 7:42 am

I had been dating someone I met through my cousin for about 6 months or so. We had met a few times before over the years and I had always been interested and let him know in person and aon social media but nothing came out of it. When we started dating, it was a bit casual at first and then got really intense really quickly, like I met his family and he took me to his brother’s wedding after a few months! He broke up with me about two months or so after the wedding out of the blue, and I later found out that he had had a very very serious girlfriend right before me for a year and a half, that he used to call her the ‘love of his life’ and they broke up a few weeks before our first date. We’ve been broken up for a few months but I heard recently that he and his ex have been talking pretty consistently since then. Does this mean I was the rebound?!?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2017 at 7:45 pm

yes, you were..

Ari

May 3, 2017 at 5:47 am

Hi Chris,
I dated a man for 5 months. While dating, I found out that he left her to be with me. I thought they were broken up when he initially started pursuit. We had an intense 5 months full of many beautiful highs. However, we also had some arguments revolving around questionable contact with other women and him comparing me to his ex-gf. (And the usual new conflict and developing a mutual communication style) I found out he ran into her at the store when he called to tell me he wanted to take a break, and that he felt guilty for how things ended with her. He assured me that he didn’t want to pursue her and that their relationship was irreparable. They dated off and on for 4.5 years. He cheated on her and opted to online date instead of be with her. Though, he said the only reason they didn’t work was because he wanted to move to the west coast and work in tech. (Yet, he dated other people for the year he still lived near her.) When he broke up with me, he assured me that it was just so he could work out his career goals and some family dysfunction, that he was overwhelmed. He also said he still saw a future with me and loved me. We texted and chatted for a few weeks, but he started getting distant. He’d contact me and then wouldn’t respond when I texted back. When I asked him about it, he said that he was pursuing a relationship with his ex-gf. He said he never loved me, that we couldn’t be friends (even though I told him that before), and acted as if I was clingy even though I was following his request to text him. He completely gaslit in order to garner favor with her. The ex-gf contacted me on social media and called me an “ugly psycho,” which makes me believe he’s been telling her lies about the future he’s been selling me. I’m now on day 25 of no contact and have been working out daily, improving myself, etc. You recommend “moving on without moving on” but what’s the timeline for that? Does the normal 30-45 days and then text apply or do I have to wait 3 months or wait until he contacts me? Do I even have a chance given how they’ve broken up 3+ times, and I may have been in rebound territory? She said the only way she’d be with him again is if he married her; so, them getting back together could be serious. She also seems really insecure (since he broke up with her for other women so often) and unstable — given that she’s contacted me multiple times on social media insulting me. Even when we were dating, she feigned pregnancy in order to get his attention, banged on his door late night threatening self harm, broke into his place and found my information to then contact me, etc. The thing is, I think she followed your advice to attract him back because her social media has a very staged display of photos and she played the friend card when he was overwhelmed and pushed me away. What do you suggest I do? Thanks.

Ari

May 4, 2017 at 5:36 pm

Should I even be the first to make contact (text) since he said he can’t talk to me while he’s pursuing her? Also, given that he was so dishonest, shouldn’t he be the one to pursue remorse with me? He hasn’t contacted me during NC. If I contact him, would it send the wrong message that his dishonest behavior was acceptable?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017 at 4:12 pm

it’s ok to not initiate..just set a limit on until when you would wait for him initiate..
Ari

May 4, 2017 at 12:58 am

By posting, do you mean social media? We aren’t friends on social media. I blocked him after he started the gaslighting nonsense with her. Do you mean better than who I was or than the ex-gf to whom he returned? Chris mentions waiting a few months because it’s likely they’ll break up. Does that mean the usual 30-45 days doesn’t apply? Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017 at 3:19 pm

Yes, in social media. Unblock him but don’t send a friend request. if you can’t, just make your posts public.. Better than yourself..He means it’ll take a few months of building rapport,after your set no contact period
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2017 at 7:40 pm

well, if you did nc were you also active in posting? would he see you better than the person he knew?

Kitty

February 7, 2017 at 6:08 pm

Since me and my ex broke up three months ago I have come to realise I was definitely the rebound girl. He dated his ex for three years on and off, got with me two months after and we dated seriously for five months. Looking back the red flags were there, but until I read about rebounds after we broke up I didn’t even know there were obvious signs! I can probably now pinpoint the day his ex got back in touch with him. He told me she’d contacted him and actively assured me he loved me etc etc. He had a couple of major things happening in his life that were very stressful, but at the time I didn’t realise his confused feelings for me and her were adding to that. Under normal circumstances the way he was in the final couple of weeks of our relationship I would have ended it myself, but I didn’t want to be seen abandoning him at such a terrible time.
He broke up with me via text message (cowardly if you ask me) and since then (11 weeks) I’ve had two texts, the first one breaking it off and saying he doesn’t love me and a second telling me he is back with his ex and that I could never have replaced her. The truth is I couldn’t replace her because we are two complete opposites. They had a very toxic, physical and verbally abusive relationship and she has a very different lifestyle to me. I have worked hard, have a good career etc. I’m not blaming her, he chose to go back, i’m just struggling to understand why he would return to a toxic relationship. I’m told this has to do with his self esteem and self worth. After they got back together she sent me abusive Facebook messages and I had to block her. We are two very different people in a lot of ways, and the sensible part of me says why would you want him back, but I’m really struggling to get over him. I’m moving on in terms of hobbies, work, socialising and holidays, bettering myself etc, But if I was to hear they had broken up I don’t know if I would want to peruse getting back with him. He is not on any social media and he had blocked me on his phone, I presume I still am. I still occasionally speak to his sister but other than that we have no mutual friends. I’ve been NC for about three weeks (I emailed him to ask about his kids and he did reply briefly). Any advice would be appreciated.

Kitty

February 8, 2017 at 9:08 am

I think if I’m honest with myself I’m using it to move on without moving on at the moment, there’s still that little part of me that hopes he gets back in touch.
But the sensible part of my brain is saying just move on, he has, he’s not bothered about you. I think ultimately I need to move on for my own wellbeing and sanity! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 4:15 pm

ok.. that’s good.. take your time..dont rush moving on..it’s a process
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 11:37 pm

Hi Kitty,

are you doing nc to move on?

Kristine

January 11, 2017 at 11:20 pm

Very insightful article and blog. Wouldn’t find or read content like this elsewhere. I’m a big fan of your talent and cause. “Move on without moving on”.. I’m all for that. Just a question though, how much time should I go NC? My situation is a bit different, and dare I say, less complicated as my ex didn’t run back to HIS ex after he broke up with me (he’s blocked her on social media when we started dating). He just has a lot of hang ups from his ex. So.. obviously, it’s a different scenario than a regular break up. Should I go NC much longer? I’m more than a month in after the break up and started to actively reach out to him with positive results/reactions. But I’m just wondering and a bit worried if I should have gone NC a bit longer and waited til he’s actually ready and willing to make the first move himself. Can I go NC again after initiating contact and pull away a bit? Will really appreciate your input.

Kristine

January 13, 2017 at 10:23 pm

Thanks, yes, I’ve become quite independent and emotionally stable after my NC, I’m so glad I stumbled upon this blog, it can really change lives.. While I’m ok, I’m just wondering if he still needs time to sort things out in his head, if I should have just waited for him to actually decide to want to work it out and get back together rather than me making moves to reestablish contact. Thoughts? And do you think pulling away a bit is a good idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2017 at 3:11 pm

sometimes, it can work if the nc is longer because the relationship can have a restart and if you’re continuosly improving yourself then it raises your chances..if you feel in your gut to do another nc, do so.
Kristine

January 13, 2017 at 2:51 pm

Thanks for your reply! Well, throughout our relationship, he would often complain about how bad his ex treated him, how negative, childish and clingy she was, and how he actually developed anxious feelings when they were together. They would fight a lot, and she would either verbally abuse him or give him the silent treatment. It didn’t sound like a pleasant relationship and he would describe them as “two very different people”. But, as we now all know, he doesn’t have to be still in love with his ex for me to assume that I was a rebound, because mere lingering feelings of frustration towards her and their failed relationship also counts. So, there.. Would really love to know the answers to my previous “no contact rule” questions..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 4:57 pm

ah.. hmm..it depends more on how much you changed and improved.. If you did, just continue that now while rebuilding rapport.. if you are going to restart, it has to be a full nc..that means nit replying to him at all again in your set timeline..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 12:04 pm

Hi Kristine,

what do you mean by hang ups? What were the hang ups?

Lea

October 16, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Ok, so my situation is a little different because I was with my ex 10 years ago. We dated on and off for 3 years back then. I left him & we both moved onto other people & had long term relationships (8 years) with other people. I got married to my rebound but my husband (rebound) & I separated, over a year and a half ago & I learned my ex was also broken up from his girl (her doing not his as she fell out of love with him). In my case, I fell out of love with my husband. My ex and I basically would talk on and off over the last year and a half. Both he and I did this on and off thing with our exes where we tried to make it work with them then would split from them (but would reach out, talk, hook up occasionally between those times with each other when we were both broken up from them). The last time he & his ex were seeing each other was 6 month ago, and the last time my ex and I were seeing each other was about a year ago. So technically, his most recent breakup was a lot more recent than mine. He and his ex were never married though. About 4 months ago, I filed for divorce & my divorce was was finalized a month ago. Ever since, my ex found out I was in fact officially getting divorced, I saw a big change in him. He seems to really be trying with me and making a lot of effort. He makes time for me all the time. Fixes things around my house, cuts the grass, fixes things on my car. Has met and spent time with my kids. He spends the night on his own free will several nights a week. Checks in and tells me what he is doing, & calls & or texts everyday. So i have no complaints about him whatsoever. He is trying very hard to make me happy. My problem is my own head. Has it been enough time for him to completely get over her? He has told me he is over it and does not want her back. They are civil and friends for the kids. (They don’t have biological kids together but he treats her kids as his own). I know he says he is over her but since she was the one who ended it, I feel like if she wanted him back, he would choose her over me. Then I remind myself that he and I were together way before he ever met her and the only reason he ended up with her is because I left him back then. Another very important thing to mention is 5 out of the 8 years he was with her, he was incarcerated. He has changed his whole life around for the better so his past is not an issue. The only reason I mention it is to explain that they were not living together in the same household during most of their relationship which played a big part in her moving on and falling out of love with him. Should I give him more time to get over her even though he acts like he is over her & says it as well? Or would I be ruining a good things since he is visibly trying so hard to make it work with me? Or am I being naive?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2016 at 9:01 pm

Hi Lea,
give him a chance..it’s normal to be afraid but dont let that be the reason that he will change on you.. Appreciate and enjoy

SLee

September 13, 2016 at 10:10 pm

..are you sure?? Just let him go?

I dated him for a month and a half. Nothing went beyond a kiss.

He’s been with his gf for 2 or 3 years. They were separated for 5 months. He left me saying “i really do like you but i feel like i cant like 2 people at the same time, i dont know how long these feelings for her are going to last and it isnt fair to keep you waiting” ..they are back together.

This sucks. Our connection was so good.

We never were facebook friends cause we both rarely use it but we were both on instagram and snapchat and he blocked me from both. So while he can still see my stuff, I cant see his. He said it would be easier that way for me to get over him. He told me that his phone was always open to me. (Sheesh)

Any chance in the future? Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 16, 2016 at 6:55 pm

Hi Slee,

hmmm, if he really loves her, let him go.. It’s not love anymore if you keep pushing for somebody who loves domebody else..

Renee

June 30, 2016 at 2:19 am

Me & my ex started dating for 4 months after he had ended a 6 yr relationship, she cheated on him. We started dating 5 months after they ended their relationship. They dated for 6 yrs, we dated for 4 months. It’s been about 9-10 months since we’ve broken up & he hasn’t gotten into anything serious with anyone. Me and him still talk, he’s rude to me, I know he’s always stayed in contact with his ex. He says she reaches out to him. During our 4 month relationship we were inseparable, literally everyday. He called me his best friend, would get jealous and worked up if I didn’t see him or ignored him or even conversed with my guy friends. I’m a totally different girl than her, more distant, less needy, less emotional. Anyway after about 4 months he told me “I love you”, I never said it back. What do u think with all this info? Was I a rebound?

Renee

July 2, 2016 at 12:57 pm

Well I don’t know if that’s the reason. I don’t know the reason really. All I know is one day we were texting & he got mad saying I’m taking forever to respond which I was not. He said he’s going to sleep bc I’m taking forever, I said sure go to “sleep”. Then 5 mins later I texted “how about we just don’t talk, it’s what u want but r too afraid to say”. He responded “ok that’s fine”, I said “ok”? Then I didn’t hear anything from him. 5 days later I sent 2 texts, one that morning apologizing & the 2nd that evening telling him I’m in his area. He never responded. 2 weeks after that I sent a good luck, it’ll never work out but you’re a great person type of text message. I went into no contact, while I was in NC he texted me a total of like 10 times in 2 weeks, none were positive, he would be sexually vulgar. I stayed strong & didn’t respond to them, then one day during the 3rd week of NC he used another phone number pretending he is some “Alex” guy who got my number from a friend to try to get to know me. He asked me if I have a boyfriend, I told this “Alex” guy that I do and to leave me alone. Anyways he finally said this isn’t Alex and told me these horrible things he thought of me & he always had a girlfriend while he was screwing me, which I already know is false. But yah. That’s about it. U asked what we talk about, mostly he’ll gear the convo towards sex, sometimes hell ask how I’m doing or what’s new with me. I usually ignore him when he pursues in a normal way like that. I won’t anymore if he does it but usually we argue & say mean things, I mostly try to stay above his stupid comments and ignore or deflect but that’s we’re at now. Idk how he talks to her. Hope I clarified your questions. What do u think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 2:06 pm

looks like a toxic relationship.. it’s like he just wants you to do whatever he feels like.. if you still want him back, you need to extend nc
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 11:41 am

HI Renee,

He said I love you and you didn’t say it back, was that the reason of the breakup? If he really loves you, then you’re not a rebound. What do they talk about? Is he rude to her also?

Stephani

May 29, 2016 at 3:06 pm

So are you doing private coaching?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 6:55 am

Hi Stephani,

as of the moment, not yet.

Natalie

May 26, 2016 at 3:00 am

Hello,

I’ve recently been broken up with. We dated for 8 months before he called it quits. He claimed that he was too busy with his new business he started and he wasn’t focused on a relationship with anyone right now. I agreed to the break up and sent a final message basically explaining all my feelings from good to bad, needless to say he never wrote me back. 2 weeks went by and I get a message from a girl and she forwarded me texts about him downplaying our relationship. We got into it and said the girl lied, after that day his bestfriend liked one of my fb pics. The same week my ex ended up showing up at one of my local bars I always go to but we didn’t speak. It’s been 16 days and no contact. From his ex’s page they are back together but there is no sign of her (not even social media friendship) on his page. Now however they are no longer together. Should I just give up or keep doing nc? I’ve been 2 weeks strong and his best friend just liked another fb pic.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 29, 2016 at 12:08 pm

Hi Natalie,

I’m sorry,I’m confused. Does his best friend like you? And who’s back together?

Elysee

May 23, 2016 at 4:01 am

Hi! I have commented on here before and really appreciated the advice I received so Im writing again for your take on this situation. My ex dated the girl before me for less then a year, I believe it was around 9 months, and we started talking and dating a month after they broke up. However, he and I continued the relationship for a year and a half and talked about marriage and the future which doesn’t fit the typical idea of a rebound. Also, he never talked about their relationship in a positive light (apparently they fought a lot) so I never thought his feelings for her were there during our relationship.
He and I had been broken up for several months with basically no contact when something tragic occurred in his life that bought both me and his other ex back into his life to be supportive for him. From what I know they started rekindling things at the same time I reached out to check on him and have escalated their relationship pretty quickly (they jumped right back into how the relationship was before), but he continued to reach out to me for a month into their relationship. He hasn’t reached out in the last two months since she had a jealous fit when he talked to me in front of her one night when we ran into each other. Its hard to think I was a rebound with how serious our relationship was and the length of time we dated and part of me believes he just wanted something familiar with everything he was going through since he he was texting me consistently as well at first, but its also hard not to wonder if I was just a rebound when he jumped back into dating her as soon as she made herself available to him again. Can rebound relationships last that long and appear that serious?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 12:35 pm

Hi Elysee,

I think the other girl just managed to attract hi back when they met again, it’s not about being rebound or not..

Brit

February 14, 2016 at 9:49 pm

Has there been any success with getting an ex back after they have gone back to ex girlfriend? And how does moving on without moving on work?

Brit

February 18, 2016 at 1:40 am

Thank you Amor!!! Honestly your insight has been so helpful, and obviously big thanks to Chris as well!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 1:34 pm

Aww thank you too Brit!
Brit

February 17, 2016 at 5:48 am

Is there any possibility that his ex girlfriend may become jealous and overly protected of him if I become a threat in a small way and does that by any chance help me get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 3:03 pm

If he sees that you are nicer and you didn’t intent to make her jealous, he would side with you when she gets angry
Brit

February 16, 2016 at 5:57 am

So just continuing self improvement, working towards personal goals, and just all around becoming better increases the chances of getting an ex back even if they have gone back to their previous ex girlfriend ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 12:02 pm

Yes.. because it may seem shallow, but think about it, aside from the physical improvement, when you see a successful or a genuinely happy person, you get attracted to them. It’s like you want to get to know them..
What more if that was the person you loved? Good memories flash back with that person…

And if he’s unhappy with his current relationship, more likely he’ll compare her to you..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 5:30 am

From what I remember yes. It means you have to act towards the path of moving on but still getting him back as an agenda… Actually thr process of moving on is the same process as getting an ex back because when you move on, you focus more on yourself and then the ex sees your improvement, then most of the time that’s when they want you back

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