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63 thoughts on “EBR 039: Dealing With An Ex Boyfriend Who Cheats”

  1. Jessica Sch

    August 3, 2015 at 3:37 am

    How do i get the sound to play on these episodes?
    I just found out this weekend the guy I was seeing was also seeing his ex girlfriend in LA at the same time as me. Me and him both live in Dallas. & I knew he went to LA at least once a month for business but he’s also been screwing his ex girlfriend every time he goes. I had asked him before if he was having sex with anyone else he said no I asked him a few times and he assured me he wasn’t. He didn’t officially ask me to be his girlfriend which is really starting to bother me. We’ve dated for about 5 months now. I confronted him Friday night when I got a text from my girlfriend saying that she knew from a reliable source that he has a girl in LA. So I asked him to call me and it was important, so he did call me and I asked him if he had a girlfriend in LA he went silent and hung up the phone. He called me back and said he was sorry that he had bad service. he later admitted in the conversation that he was having sex with her when he went back to LA I said ok have fun and hung up the phone on him. He’s he was in LA for her birthday this weekend and business, I guess both. The sad thing is I kind of still want him but I know I can never trust him now. Do you have any advice? I had a bad feeling about him the whole time but I didn’t want to believe it was true. He was everything I wanted in a man physically and on paper. I’m pissed and I’m also kind of heart broken and depressed. But I have not made contact with him since and I plan not to.Let me know how I can listen to these episodes. Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 6, 2015 at 10:54 pm

      UGH I will talk to my desinger about that.

      You have an android phone right?

      A galaxy?

    2. Jessica Sch

      August 3, 2015 at 5:24 am

      Oh jk. I figured out how to get it to play. I plan on doing the 30 day no contact. I’m just scared he won’t contact me when he gets back a and what to explain himself at all. I want him to beg for me. I guess I can go on other dates, I don’t really won’t to but I have no problem getting them. I do feel like I’ll never find a man I’m that attracted to. I still think he is the sexiest man alive. And to be honest I’m confused by his ex girlfriend is not even cute and kind of trashy. That’s even more confusing. She’s Russian so maybe she’s crazy in bed I don’t know. He also just turned 40 and boughta new really nice car. I’m 31.

  2. Courtney

    July 30, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I recently broke up with my ex of about a year. He is 20 years my senior. I think my situation is unique because I moved 4 months ago to take a job 10 hours away. We have a sort of roller coaster relationship because both of us want to be in control. We decided to continue a long distance relationship and all was going fine until we got into a fight over me not calling him when I got home from a flight out of town. He broke up with me and I did not contact him until he came begging me back. So fast forward to a month later and everything seems ok, we made plans to see each other and then unexpectedly he canceled one of our trips because he was dealing with a leak in house. He gets depressed a lot and doesn’t seem to be able to handle his emotions well (the leak is an old issue). I got pissed but let it go and did not call him for about a week. Then we go back into the same routine where everything is fine. Well another fight happen and I got fed up and broke it off. One of the main reasons is that I don’t trust him, I have never caught him cheating but I feel like he tries to make me jealous at times and then always asks me questions about why I am with such an “old man”. I care about him but I am tired of his immaturity. Just the other day he sends me a random text that appeared to be meant for someone else. When I replied “you texted the wrong person”, he did not respond. I am so hurt and angry because we started as friends and I never thought he would turn out to be so weird!!

  3. Ashley

    July 24, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He suffers from depression and anxiety. The last two months of our relationship were up and down due to his moods. His job is his life, and he had gotten a promotion at work halfway through the relationship that was stressing him out.

    When we started dating, I knew what my value was, and he knew it, too.

    I had been out of town the previous week leading up to the break. Before I left town, he offered me the key to his apartment. The day I got back, he broke up with me. He told me he felt like he was struggling and was so worried he would soon crack and lose his job. 6 years ago he had a complete mental breakdown.

    I cried, but never begged him to not break up with me. We met to exchange our stuff 3 days later. Again, I cried when we met, but I told him he was right to break up with me since he wasn’t treating me right. I also told him I loved him and wanted him to get help. We discussed staying friends.

    I stuck with nc for the next week. He then texted me to ask how I was. I cracked and texted back with him. He said he wanted to check on me. When looking back at this texting convo, I was too enthusiastic with him. I also mentioned that I wanted to stay friends in this convo.

    It was his birthday 2 days after this contact. I broke and texted him Happy Birthday. He had a big party planned. I ask him if he was ok with me not coming since it was so soon after the breakup. He told me that he understood.

    Three days later, I texted him again and asked how the party went. He responded that is was fun.

    Two days later, he posted an article on fb about one of my favorite things. I texted him a quick text about it, and he responded.

    Obviously, I know I’m texting him too much! In my head, I thought I was playing it cool and showing how I can be his friend.

    What should I do now? Can I do nc now? Am I too far along? Is it possible to salvage this situation? (Again, I’ve never begged or explicitly asked him to take me back or give the relationship another shot.)

  4. Anna

    July 19, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Hey Chris, my boyfriend of 5 years, cheated and left me for the other woman. It’s been almost 2 months no contact, will he ever return and could I still get him back?

    1. Elizabeth

      August 26, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      Hi Anna : ( Sorry to hear about your situation. Did he ever try to contact you?

  5. Liezl

    July 15, 2015 at 4:12 am

    hi,
    Is there any other way to listen to your podcast? I cant listen to it. tried playing but it goes back to its page.
    Thanks

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 15, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      You can go through iTunes!

  6. your Avid Follower

    July 13, 2015 at 8:20 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve left you a bunch of messages on EBR 036: THE THREE STAGES OF LOVE WITH YOUR EX but haven’t received any reply from you, would really like your opinion and advice I think you’ll find some of my ex’s antics interesting and really relatable thing you can use for future article advices.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 15, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      I am so sorry for not replying.

      Ugh… It drives me nuts when someone falls between the cracks. I am just so overwhelmed.

      Lets hear about your exes antics!

  7. Imogen

    July 12, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    Hi Chris!

    My ex boyfriend of 1 1/2 years left me on monday because he said he started to love me but doesn’t know what happened, he’s always struggled with vocalising his feelings and I was his first true healthy relationship where he agreed we were both happy and any disagreements were always resolved with no shouting or cursing. He ended up having to move to the city last year because of his job and he said that when I would stay with him for a week he’d feel like it could work, but then he would have doubts when we didn’t see eachother for a while.

    The problem is he is terrified at me moving in, using sentences such as feeling backed against a wall and stuck between a rock and a hard place, and that he just can’t…After putting two together I asked if it was his fear that it would end bad like his previous ones (also broken family relationship) and he said yes. He said I deserved better, and not make me wait around for something that might not happen, that I got the closest and I did nothing wrong…I asked him why give up on that then and he just kept saying ‘I can’t’

    He is not very emotional normally but his legs were shaking the whole time (mine were too), he was hiding behind his sunglasses and he kept squeezing my hands against his face and saying that I will make someone happy one day and how he wished he felt the same, I noticed he went to hold my hand like normal but quickly pulled away, and when he was hugging me I found his hands going a bit below the waist which is confusing me so much…he even shed a couple of tears which is something I’ve never seen. He wants to be friends but I said I didn’t know if I could talk to him again and he said he’d have to live with that. I immediately went into NC since then but I can’t make sense of this and if I even have a chance to get him back. All his friends contacted me saying how he missed out etc and how I was good for him…

    1. Imogen

      July 16, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      Thank you for replying,

      I’m already feeling more positive and I’ve been keeping myself busy with the hobbies I enjoy, making plans, plus spending time going on trips with friends. Alot of pictures were taken and I was tagged on facebook by my friends, although my ex liked the one where I was in an innocent selfie with my guy friend and no others, I wasn’t expecting it as I’ve been having so much fun and it was a friend who pointed it out and I thought nothing of it. However a couple of hours later when I went on twitter I noticed he had tweeted some comments after he liked the pic, which I knew were to do with me however ambiguous he wrote it, it seemed to express anger, for example ‘I’m out of sight now, out of their damn reach’. I’m concerned that this has pushed him away, I still haven’t broken NC.

    2. Chris Seiter

      July 15, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      Well luckily its still very early and you did the right thing by going NC.

      Stay in NC and lets work on YOU for now before we start approaching him with any kind of text message or get your ex back tactic.

  8. Sarah

    July 12, 2015 at 5:40 am

    I left a message on here yesterday but now it’s gone? Why? Should I write it down again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 15, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      No you are good Sarah, I have to moderate all the messages before they go live. I just do it when I have time and I have time right now!

  9. Sarah

    July 11, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was in a FWB relationship but I wanted him to commit to me so I did the “No Contact” rule, I almost went crazy but, I made it because of him texting me while I gave him the silent treatment (I never replied to him).

    Anyway, I took the initiative by texting him first as you’ve instructed but he didn’t answer until next day and yes, it was positive/neutral. He texted me on two different social media accounts to be sure that I got his text. I ended the conversation just like you said I should do, but he sent another text! A question.

    I didn’t answer him. How long will I wait until I respond to his question? Should I ignore him a whole day or a whole week? I’m still upset for the ways he used to ignore me when I used to text him, I want him to taste some of his own medicine.

    Thank you in advance,
    Sarah

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 15, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      You wait around 1-2 days generally.

      I am actually covering all of this in the texting bible coming up.

  10. Jess

    July 10, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    Hey Chris, it has been a while since i have been on the pod casts/site. I had sent a message back in the beginning of the pod casts regarding my ex of 13 years and i splitting up. At the same time that that was alll going on I was diagnosed with depression that i had been battling for quite some time. Problem was that he was with someone and did not want anything to do with me. Well there is some good news and light at the end of the tunnel.
    We have begun communication with each other. Texting and phone calls. In the beginning it was just me initiating the communication and I would get simple responses. But more recently he has started to initiate the texting and calls. He will always ask if he can call me first. Which is good, he is respecting my boudaries. My problem is, and I think I am stuck on, he is still w/ this girl. And he goes hot and then cold. He will go 2 weeks w/ a lot of talking w/ me, at all hours of the day (mornings, afternoons, nights) and then he goes silent for a week or so.
    What should I do? i know that this is a LONG process if we were to get back together. And we are hitting the 10 month mark of the split up. We went from not wanting to talk to talking. There is some progress but is it good progress? And how do I overcome this hot and cold factor that seems to be going on?
    thanks as always — Jess

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 15, 2015 at 6:24 pm

      I think that is good progress.

      It’s not what you would want obviously but talking is a good sign.

      May I ask how in-depth your conversations are?

      Are you communicating through text, phone call or in person?

  11. Anonymous

    July 10, 2015 at 1:53 am

    Should clarify Week 3 NC starts tomorrow. And I’m still blocked on both FB/phone.

  12. Anonymous

    July 10, 2015 at 1:42 am

    Hi Chris – thank you so much for this audio! I am on Week 3 of NC. We broke up 3 weeks ago due to emotional cheating. Over the course of a year, he has flirted with 2 of his ex-gfs and confided in another about our relationship, essentially bad-mouthing me. We had a big fight that got out of control and I broke up w/ him.

    He said they’re his friends and needed an outlet. He blamed me for “pushing” him there and blocked me on his phone/FB. A week later, he sent an apology for the way we ended but not on his emotional cheating. I replied that w/o couple’s therapy, I am not confident we can make it a 3rd time. Very level headed which he did not expect so he became aloof “Whatever. We broke up and it’s over. Move on.”

    I sense he will reach out soon and I’m not sure if I should follow your eBook on rebuilding attraction or just ask him to send me back my stuff. How do you feel about emotional cheating? I’m shooting for 45 days of NC.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 15, 2015 at 6:21 pm

      Ugh, those emotional cheaters such don’t they?

      I think emotional cheating while technically is not cheating it is a precursor to cheating.

      Though I will tell you this. If it was done to me I would be VERY unhappy.

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