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Liz
February 1, 2016 at 12:30 am
Hi ,
I was dating my ex for almost 3 years. We were on and off a few times. We never fought always had a great time together but whenever we got close he would pull back. Back in August he suddenly said we shouldn’t see each other anymore . I tried talking to him but he became cold . I went into no contact . 3 weeks later he thanked me for a shirt I had given him a month ago and he already thanked me for . I responded nice and short. In October we ended up seeing each other and I told him I missed him and he told me the same. He said he knows he has communication issues and goes through phases he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He said his parents had to come down to see him because they didn’t know what was wrong with him. He is 31.
He then said he saw something on Facebook that offended him and that is why he got cold . What he saw was me talking to a 70 yr old coworker and making jokes . I never go on Facebook and am very private but when I did , he took it wrong.
He then said when he reached out to me I seemed cold but he understood. I apologized for offending him and then we ended up kissing . We started talking again and spent the night together in November . A week after, he became stressed again. When I saw him he was cold again. It’s like he turns into a different person . This has happened several times . Then it started again .. He wouldnt respond to any text…any. He then said it wasn’t me he loves me but he gets cold and doesn’t know why . He feels cold inside . For me not to take it personal. From then on he was back to being cold . He didn’t wish me a happy bday, merry Christmas or anything . I tried not taking it personal like he said but it was hard. Here I thought NC worked but we are back to square one . We haven’t really talked since the beginning of December . Last week I asked to see him but he said we shouldn’t be seeing each other right now. An hour later he texted , he is 100 percent there for me if I need anything and to just know that . But he won’t even talk to me . Is it even worth going back into NC?
Liz
February 1, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Thank you for ur quick reply. I felt that way . I never had anyone ignore me like that for weeks .and tell me they are just cold inside. I did text him a few times for the past couple of weeks. He just answered that one ” I am 100 percent there for u though just know that” but after that , no answer. How can he say that but not even answer a simple text .So I am going back into NC or just not texting. Or calling anymore. I miss and love him but it’s almost like there is 2 of him. I felt crazy at first my emotions were out of control for 2 weeks…especially because he never told me what happened , when I asked he never answered and I still don’t know. . Thanks again for your help .
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 10:40 am
Well, talk is cheap and and another cliché is, actions speak louder than words. So, base your next step on his actions and how well you know him. Although, I need to remind you that the more you do nc, the less it’s effect. So think about whether you should do nc or try sending a compelling text for him to reply
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 12:37 pm
Hi Liz,
For me no. I think he needs professional help.
Liz
February 1, 2016 at 12:30 am
Hi ,
I was dating my ex for almost 3 years. We were on and off a few times. We never fought always had a great time together but whenever we got close he would pull back. Back in August he suddenly said we shouldn’t see each other anymore . I tried talking to him but he became cold . I went into no contact . 3 weeks later he thanked me for a shirt I had given him a month ago and he already thanked me for . I responded nice and short. In October we ended up seeing each other and I told him I missed him and he told me the same. He said he knows he has communication issues and goes through phases he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He said his parents had to come down to see him because they didn’t know what was wrong with him. He is 31.
He then said he saw something on Facebook that offended him and that is why he got cold . What he saw was me talking to a 70 yr old coworker and making jokes . I never go on Facebook and am very private but when I did , he took it wrong.
He then said when he reached out to me I seemed cold but he understood. I apologized for offending him and then we ended up kissing . We started talking again and spent the night together in November . A week after, he became stressed again. When I saw him he was cold again. It’s like he turns into a different person . This has happened several times . Then it started again .. He wouldnt respond to any text…any. He then said it wasn’t me he loves me but he gets cold and doesn’t know why . He feels cold inside . For me not to take it personal. From then on he was back to being cold . He didn’t wish me a happy bday, merry Christmas or anything . I tried not taking it personal like he said but it was hard. Here I thought NC worked but we are back to square one . We haven’t really talked since the beginning of December . Last week I asked to see him but he said we shouldn’t be seeing each other right now. An hour later he texted , he is 100 percent there for me if I need anything and to just know that . But he won’t even talk to me . Is it even worth going back into NC?
Liz
February 1, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Thank you for ur quick reply. I felt that way . I never had anyone ignore me like that for weeks .and tell me they are just cold inside. I did text him a few times for the past couple of weeks. He just answered that one ” I am 100 percent there for u though just know that” but after that , no answer. How can he say that but not even answer a simple text .So I am going back into NC or just not texting. Or calling anymore. I miss and love him but it’s almost like there is 2 of him. I felt crazy at first my emotions were out of control for 2 weeks…especially because he never told me what happened , when I asked he never answered and I still don’t know. . Thanks again for your help .
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 10:40 am
Well, talk is cheap and and another cliché is, actions speak louder than words. So, base your next step on his actions and how well you know him. Although, I need to remind you that the more you do nc, the less it’s effect. So think about whether you should do nc or try sending a compelling text for him to reply
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 12:37 pm
Hi Liz,
For me no. I think he needs professional help.
Shai
January 31, 2016 at 6:45 pm
I hate to say it, but… I’m not a terribly interesting person. And I don’t know how to make up interesting stories. How can I make myself more interesting over text?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 10:00 am
Don’t say that. Everybody has their own special qualities.. In regards to interesting stories, it has to be ibyeresting to him. Think about the topics he loves talking about or always talks about with you
Shai
January 31, 2016 at 6:45 pm
I hate to say it, but… I’m not a terribly interesting person. And I don’t know how to make up interesting stories. How can I make myself more interesting over text?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 10:00 am
Don’t say that. Everybody has their own special qualities.. In regards to interesting stories, it has to be ibyeresting to him. Think about the topics he loves talking about or always talks about with you
Hana
January 31, 2016 at 10:01 am
Hi Amor, I was wondering what you think is the best way to contact my ex after an NC for 3-4 months. We’ve been broken up for 6 months now. Do you think I’ve left it too late and was in NC for too long? He sent me an “I miss you and I’m sorry.” text over a month ago that I never responded to. He’s very stubborn and an introvert.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2016 at 1:56 pm
HI Hana,
Hmm.. if he’s an introvert, it may not be too late. Go with texting. Send a compelling first contact text to him.
Hana
January 31, 2016 at 10:01 am
Hi Amor, I was wondering what you think is the best way to contact my ex after an NC for 3-4 months. We’ve been broken up for 6 months now. Do you think I’ve left it too late and was in NC for too long? He sent me an “I miss you and I’m sorry.” text over a month ago that I never responded to. He’s very stubborn and an introvert.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2016 at 1:56 pm
HI Hana,
Hmm.. if he’s an introvert, it may not be too late. Go with texting. Send a compelling first contact text to him.
Noodles
January 31, 2016 at 3:40 am
So… if it takes 66 days to break a habit…
Does it mean it takes 66 days to form a new one or…? 😉
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2016 at 5:11 am
Yes 🙂
Noodles
January 31, 2016 at 3:40 am
So… if it takes 66 days to break a habit…
Does it mean it takes 66 days to form a new one or…? 😉
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2016 at 5:11 am
Yes 🙂
NDH
January 30, 2016 at 9:25 am
Hello, so quick question.
A couple of days ago I contacted my ex after no communication for 3 months.
When I contacted him I apologized about some of the stuff I said to him when we last spoke.
He seemed happy to hear from me. Said there was no need to apologize and asked me how life was going and what I had been up to.
I told him that I had been doing school, work etc. and then I asked him how he was doing. It’s been about 3 days and he hasn’t replied to that. Do you think maybe I should just leave him alone now? Maybe 3 months was too long of a time span?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 3:53 pm
HI NDH,
I think it’s not the 3 months. Because you said he was happy to hear from you after the first text. It’s the topic of the last convo, it’s not that interesting for him to talk about his life.
NDH
January 30, 2016 at 9:25 am
Hello, so quick question.
A couple of days ago I contacted my ex after no communication for 3 months.
When I contacted him I apologized about some of the stuff I said to him when we last spoke.
He seemed happy to hear from me. Said there was no need to apologize and asked me how life was going and what I had been up to.
I told him that I had been doing school, work etc. and then I asked him how he was doing. It’s been about 3 days and he hasn’t replied to that. Do you think maybe I should just leave him alone now? Maybe 3 months was too long of a time span?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 3:53 pm
HI NDH,
I think it’s not the 3 months. Because you said he was happy to hear from you after the first text. It’s the topic of the last convo, it’s not that interesting for him to talk about his life.
Relentless
January 29, 2016 at 2:16 am
With this whole subject, I haven’t sent a text or anything cos I deleted his number, he deleted his fb and all I have is email. The email I sent to vent feelings of breakup after nc, I made it so he couldn’t reply to email. Because he was the one who hurt me and dumped me I feel he should be the one to reach out. 8 weeks on and nothing. I remained hopeful, I made it so if he wants to Contact me he has to text My number. Have I only made things impossible for myself?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2016 at 1:35 pm
Well, the only thing about that is, what if he doesn’t initiate at all? What are you going to do?
Relentless
January 29, 2016 at 2:16 am
With this whole subject, I haven’t sent a text or anything cos I deleted his number, he deleted his fb and all I have is email. The email I sent to vent feelings of breakup after nc, I made it so he couldn’t reply to email. Because he was the one who hurt me and dumped me I feel he should be the one to reach out. 8 weeks on and nothing. I remained hopeful, I made it so if he wants to Contact me he has to text My number. Have I only made things impossible for myself?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2016 at 1:35 pm
Well, the only thing about that is, what if he doesn’t initiate at all? What are you going to do?
Maddy
July 22, 2016 at 7:38 am
Hi Amor, so I ended up being invited to the party he was going to and we spent all night talking to each other pretty much, he said that he misses me and his friends miss me and he’s get back with me, and that he was sad I unfriendly him on fb (so I added him back) and I texted him afterwards asking if he meant it all and he said yes, but I don’t really know what to do now? He isn’t really doing anything about it I guess
Elle
May 31, 2016 at 3:59 pm
He had various small (things we definitely could have talked about and improved) reasons for ending things, all he could say in the end was “our relationship isn’t working” and that I wouldn’t be able to handle him being gone if/when he would be deployed in the future. We were long distance at the time (about an hour) and it was a stressful time for both of us with finals and me trying to finish my first semester of grad school. I have tried multiple times since the one time he did responded. It was about once a week or less.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 5:24 am
for me it’s better to move on because if he really wants to reply he will.
Ella
April 10, 2016 at 11:46 am
So to give up completely or to give it some time and do the NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 8:01 am
compile topics that are interesting for him and then work around how to start a topic around thay
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 3:02 pm
You’re welcome.. hmm better not, since you’re also going to do nc..
Jamie
March 12, 2016 at 6:07 am
Amore, I forgot to ask you, I had bought him a birthday gift last year for his birthday but never gave it to him because we parted ways. Do I not give it to him anymore, or give it to our mutual friend to pass it on? I feel like its wasted but dont wanna look needy either.
Jamie
March 12, 2016 at 5:35 am
Thanks Amore. you’re awesome. I’ll let you know how it goes:)
Jamie
March 11, 2016 at 5:30 am
Thank you so much Amore. I just wasn’t sure if No contact works a few months after we parted ways? Bec the website does mention it loses its effect after a little while and I have not contacted about a month and half back in December and he was more receptive after that but went back to being distant when I got back in contact in Jan and then this recent blow up.
Jamie
March 10, 2016 at 6:13 am
Thank You Amor. I have stopped contacting him. 2 questions.
How long should I not contact him for?
Should I delete him off Facebook as well? I don’t want to come across as petty but I really need him to get the message as well that his behaviour is not okay. Or would not contacting him at all accomplish that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 11:46 am
It does lose it’s effect if it’s consecutive and repetitive because he may see it as a pattern..But since it’s only you’re second, it’ll still work..
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2016 at 11:40 pm
I think you need to do it for a month and be really active with other things and posting it, so he can you’re moving on.. don’t put a caption that related anything to the breakup or the relationship… so that means don’t delete him in fb
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 8:20 pm
I reread your post… either you stop because he clearly just wants sex or you try to do no contact again.. are you both active in social media?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 7:25 pm
how is it? is it progressing to being flirty? is the attractikn building up? because if it is, you don’t have to ask.. he will want to go back.. take it slow..transition to calls..and then after calls, transition to meet ups
Selena
March 9, 2016 at 1:21 pm
Okay so I find it hard to show him and myself my newfound boundaries when he only sends me one text a day. Or sometimes he will reply to my texts the next day, I know he is a busy doctor but isn’t that ridiculous? I’m not exactly sure what’s the next step. Since that time when he came to my house (please see my first post above) , he has been texting less, he hasn’t flirted. What do I do? I mean one text a day is alarming.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 10:20 am
I think he really needs space.. He apologized because of whay he said but he still sees your actions as getting him back.. so, he doesn’t want to talk…
Erika
March 9, 2016 at 3:45 am
Hi Amor, I am balancing the texting, I wait for him to text me and sometimes I just say hello. We seem to text everyday now. I guess what I really need to know is, am I am to just go with the flow and not mention what our status is? and let him make that move when or if it happens? how long do I keep this up? its killing me on the inside.
Kendall
February 27, 2016 at 1:45 am
You have to be strong for your beautiful incoming baby. U must require him to step up by being enough for the baby. U are important, so is your baby. U have to be strong. Because even if u offended him, his support for u as a pregnant woman should prompt him to be empathetic toward u. This is where u have to be strong if he is not empathetic. I need you to subtly take offense. Tell him to do whatever he wants to do. My dear, u won’t die. It’s so he sees you as a strong woman that he can’t manipulate cos he feels u need him so much. Yeah u want him, but u don’t need him. U need God to be on your side and u will be fine. So, be strong, everything is going to be alright.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 1:45 pm
that’s actually a good idea
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:12 am
Hahaha, keep it going but end in high note..don’t end rudely ok?
Hazel
February 7, 2016 at 2:12 pm
Thank you, that is great advice. We haven’t spoken in a few days and my last text was unanswered (at the end of our convo 2 days ago) do you think I should wait to contact him for a little? Not full NC for 30 days, but I’m not sure if I should wait for him to or if I should.
PLS HELP
February 7, 2016 at 9:59 am
Thank you for your help
I forget to mentioned that 1 month plus ago…. on december before we broke up we had a huge fight when we go overseas and we scolded each other horribly. With alot of nasty things.
we broke up on 1st jan. I did all the deadly sins too..gnat. Everything .. and going his house to beg… and we fight again ( this is information for 1 month plus ago).
My previous comments is the recent news.