When Texting Goes Wrong With Your Ex... What Do You Do?

113 thoughts on “EBR 063: When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…”

koe

February 7, 2017 at 1:10 pm

Hi EBR
My ex boyfriend and I have been chatting for 31 days to be exact. However he has never initiated texts.
He always responds but he never initiates. Im close to giving up now.

I did a pretty long no contact as I had done it before and felt I went back into the relationship without fully healing myself. So when he broke up with me again I stopped contact for 3 months. He contacted me 3 times after 30 days of no contact. At that time I had still not healed hence the 90 day.

I initiated contact 5 days after and he responded. Did 1,2,4,5,6 but I stopped chatting but he never initiated for 2days. I again initiated he responded and continued the conversation. This continued for another 6 days and I stopped chatting for a day and he still did not initiate.
I concluded to do it again fot the rest of the 31 days.
I moved on without moving on and made new friends and old friends. Was social and looked good and got a high position

Its because of him not initiating that I have not transitioned to phone calls. Also because he sometimes takes long to answer my story type texts.

Now today again he did not initiate and Im starting to feel he doesn’t like me hes just being polite.

I neef advice on what to do now.

koe

February 24, 2017 at 4:50 am

Hi Amor

Bad news

I called him. We spoke and enjoyed our conversation. But then he kept on talking about breakups and bad relationships. He spoke about how his friends breakups were so bad. But all the stories sounded exactly like ours. One story even sounded exactly like ours word for word.
The thing is throughout texting, calling he was always talking about breakups. I tried to ignore it but that day I couldnt.

Needless to say I pointed it out and he blew up. We argued and with no hesitation we ended up speaking about our break up. He said that he did not want to talk about it but he’s the one who kept on bringing it up. I added that he didnt change. I really tried to avoid this but unfortunately I failed.

I said he was cute and miraculously he calmed down. I said that cause I needed to calm the situation down.

We spoke a bit and we agreed that the past 2months of chatting we both enjoyed. I told him I just wanted for us to talk and build a friendship. He became silent and vaguely said the same.
He apologised for adding the breakup and I apologised for pointing it out and causing this.

We chatted again and had fun. He promised to tell me how his day went. We agreed that we would just keep chatting.

But the next day I called him to talk and he ignored my calls.
I tried again and eventually answered and said he wants to talk later. I said il talk to him after my meeting.

After my meeting I texted him and he called back.
He asked me to say all I needed to say and why I kept calling him. I explained I was checking if hes day went well and if he got the whatsapp I was meant to send.

He said the reason why he kept adding bad and negative words was because he feels he never got the chance to say all he wanted.
He then said throughout the no contact period he missed me but he held on and didnt call. He said he always used to look at our pictures and cried. He then said what is it exactly that I was hoping to achieve from all this chatting. I told him id rather not say coz I didnt want to embarrass myself. He then told me what he wanted. He said he didnt want to chat.

I then told him I wanted him to give us a chance. He kept quiet the whole time I spoke. I told him to give us a month. He let me speak for 10 minutes without interruption.

My phone went off just before he could answer. When it went on again I called and hes phone was off both phones.

2hours later he called. He asked me what I called about. I had given up even talking so my answers were very one word. He then said he can see my attitude. He told me he doesn’t understand how it went from just chatting to just friends to last chance.

I explained that the reason I asked for another chance was because I could see he hadn’t healed and wanted to give him and our relationship a last chance.

Afterwards I blatantly told him to leave me alone. I got it, he didn’t want a relationship again. I accept it and he should leave me alone. I basically didn’t give him a chance to hurt me further. I told him I will walk this earth knowing I tried and you pushed me away and I just hang up on him.

He kept calling afterwards. I switched my phone off.
Later that night I switched my phone on and I got a voice message saying he didnt mean to keep adding bad and negative things and he did this because he never had that chance. He wished me all the best. And wished it didn’t have to end like this.

I sent him a reply telling him to leave me alone and I dont want a relationship with him and I regret the day I met him. I asked him to not call or text me after this and to just leave me alone.

I then needed to send him a picture proof of something that bothered him about our breakup and I was supposed to send it a day ago. I logged on whatsapp and sent him the proof pic.
I then blocked him on whatsapp.

He sent me an sms text later on. I didn’t reply to it I just deleted it coz I knew it would play with my mind

I feel like sending him a text saying again please dont text me. Do u think I should?

Essentially my ex boyfriend is not over our bad break up and clearly 3months was not enough to find him healed. He holds a lot of resentment and he wants to hurt me in the process. He wants me to be the girl who lost out.
Our breakup was both our fault and it hurts me that in his eyes il always be the one who caused it. No contact taught me to not hold grudges and to look at the situation on both ends and realise my mistakes.

I dont know what to do. Ive decided to go on a year long no contact. But really I love him with all my heart and wish he would come back to me. We were each others first love.

But I also know that I need to move on.
Do I even have a chance at this point.?
Should I send him his stuff back like his TV and stuff.

Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017 at 3:36 pm

One year is long, there’s a high possibility that by that time he has forgiven and moved on. The question is, how much you changed by that time because if he still you’re still the same as before, he might have forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean he trusts that you’re not going to be the same as before when you broke up. So, use that time to genuinely change and improve yourself. Yes, you should send his stuff back. You don’t have to tell him that you’re going to stop talking. Just stop.
koe

February 18, 2017 at 12:50 pm

.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 3:37 pm

you can call him..it’s going forward but you nees to initiate more conversations..
koe

February 18, 2017 at 6:49 am

Hi Amor thanks again for all your help.

Since transitioning to calls a few days ago things have been a little weird for me.

The day after the call I basically did not talk to him at all. The next day Basically on Vday I posted wishing everyone a happy day. Also I posted my sisters proposal. He was online the whole time and I never spoke to him as Its Valentines and I didnt want to come across as desperate. Odd thing though he was online the whole day and hes hardly ever online unless hes chatting to me.
Hes a phone call type of guy even when we dated he hardly texted but always called.
Later that night he sends me a Vday pic which says why guys shouldn’t get girls gifts.
I text him a very defending the women type of text but jokingliy.
The next day he says he was only joking and I say the same.
he then says he hopes I enjoyed my day.

He also asks me about a concert thats happening. I say yes i know the concert and explain what I know about it.

He goes offline and comes back the next day changing the topic and sending a funny pic. I didn’t ask him why he was asking.

I go along and cut off the conversation with enjoy ur day.

He comes back the next day saying he had a good day and I should too.
We spoke a little and he went offline.

Im extremely confused. I don’t know if im going forward or backwards.

Should I start a conversation again

Also when initiating calls should I always use a story to get him to answer or can I just call him
koe

February 14, 2017 at 4:54 am

My comment is not appearing that I sent on the 12 Feb
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 3:34 pm

is that the comment above? I just haven’t reached it yet.. you’re doung4 great! It’s ok that he’s not initiating.What’s more important is that you’re having good conversations and that youre5 always the one ending at high note. Continue on incorporating more calls before moving on to hanging out
koe

February 13, 2017 at 10:17 am

Hi Amor

I did transition to phone calls. But before calling this is what I did.
I didn’t text him for 3 days and he never initiated texting.
When I finally did text him, I sent a funny meme of which we laughed and spoke about it. Somewhere in there he asked me what I considered a good looking guy. I dodged the question by responding about other things and being vague. He still continued to send more texts than me but never initiating.

So in the last 2 days I took extremely long to respond to his texts as I was out with friends most of the time.

On Sunday I responded to his Saturday night text and I complimented him a bit.
I started a story type text and he wanted to hear more
I told him that I would finish the story after church.
He responded to the text at the time he knows my church ends.

I instead went out with friends afterwards and got home around 10.

I said hi and asked if he still wanted to hear the story. He said yes and logged off even though he saw that I was typing (typing notification)

So thats how I called. He answered and we spoke and I incorporated his 5 likes into the conversation. The conversation was lighthearted, fun and almost like we’ve been talking for days.
He ended up telling me more stories although at the beginning he thought I was speaking fast.

We spoke for 30minutes and I cut the conversation half way by telling him I dont have airtime and texted him to call me back.
He called back and I said I enjoyed our conversation and he should enjoy the rest of his week. He was very quiet and less enthusiastic than when spoke for 30minutes then we said goodnight.

Now im stuck. Am I supposed to call him again or initiate texting again.
Did I do something wrong in the call that wont persuade him to call or text me first?

Also most of my pictures from this weekend had a lot of guy friends in them. Ive never posted pics of my male friends since our break up or even when we dated. Mostly its me with female friends, is it risky to post one now?
I have not posted anything from this weekend at all.

Please help me with this
koe

February 8, 2017 at 12:26 am

Hi Amor

I mostly ended conversations using TTYL or letting him know im going somewhere or he should sleep well.

I ended 70% of the conversations.

Il admit my social updates were a daily occurrence prior to first contact. Afterwards I posted but more on weekends as I was mostly active on weekends more than during the week.

My text messages are however more funny and casual rather than flirty.
I early stopped using memory or compliment texts because I feared coming across as wanting him back.
My story texts are definitely not a success so I stopped after 3 attempts although he insisted I tell him later if I still want to
Recently I told him a story about a friend and he was more interested in who it was and where we were.

Our conversations are longer now and he texts more like his is 30 to my 21 texts per day.

But still I feel like he doesn’t think of me if I don’t text him first.
I just feel like giving up.

Am I on the road to nothing rather than reconciliation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 12:43 am

30 texts per day? that’s a lot.. you should move on to calls.. we’re you ending the texts in cliffhanger style?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 10:25 pm

Hi Koe,

how are you ending the conversations and what topics were you using? Did you continue to be active in your life and in posting while building rapport?

Pippa

January 4, 2017 at 4:26 pm

I completed NC and the texting seemed to be going ok: I sent was one asking how his Christmas went, he replied and asked how mine was. The next text was a few days later wishing him a happy new year and he responded the same. The one after that I was asking after a mutual friend who is ill in hospital and again he replied. And then a few more days had passed so this morning I sent him a funny one – no response. I admit that it could be because I sent it in the morning instead of early evening like usual but I’m sure he will have read it as he never ignores his phone, it’s practically glued to him. I’ve been tempted all day to send another one saying that I’m sorry my text made him uncomfortable, etc, or jokingly saying that I realise it was a rubbish joke, but so far I’ve managed to stop myself from sending anything – feel disappointed and wish I’d not texted him today. Have I blown it by sending too many texts even though they were spaced days apart? How do I come back from this, leave it until a couple of weeks have passed and them say what?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 6:24 am

HI Pippa,

Why were the previous texts spaced days apart? And then suddenly you went all in a day. I think you need to rest for a week, and then after that, try the tide theory.

S.

December 15, 2016 at 12:34 pm

I’ve started texting my ex, but most of the times it takes him all day to answer, so I don’t feel we can have a proper conversation. How do I get him to response me faster? Does this mean that he’s not interesting in being in contact with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 11:37 am

How many texts have you exchanged? If there’s no rapport and you’re just starting out then it’s normal that he wont initiate.. End the conversations yourself and end it in cliffhanger style

Jillian

December 8, 2016 at 6:41 pm

I need someones help. I have no idea what to do, and none of my comments have been answered and its been 5 days. He is being confusing and my situation is odd.
My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We were the best of friends, did everything together, told each other everything, we were each others first love. We had our arguments because we are bull headed but he treated me like a princess, and the arguments never lasted. But everything changed when he left for a university and Im staying at a community college for a year. He would go out and party which I didn’t mind, but would ignore my texts a lot, not be as lovey or complimenting, ditched me once when I came to visit, and just overall didn’t put in the effort.
I was extremely unhappy in the place I was at, not wanting to stay home for a year, so bored and unhappy with myself, and he knew it, and I would be too needy and bitch at him for all the shit he was doing, pushing him away more. I didn’t let him experience college like I shludve and if we got back together so much would change for the good.
About two months in after i text him bitching about not answering me, I get a drunk text saying “I think we should take a break”
The next day he call and texts me begging for me back and I ignore him and kiss another guy. The next day I get back with him but when he I tell him I kissed another guy he freaks out and says were over. And then the next day texts me and we text for a week and then I beg for him back and we got back together. After this nothing changed. He still treated me the same way.
Things weren’t going well and we went to a concert and I ended up going to the hospital because I drank too much beforehand. I got more needy because I was freaking out about what happened and he pushed me away more.
A week after that he sends me a text that he needs to be on his own/needs time on his own and he’s been unhappy for a long time. I don’t respond to this text at all for 23 days, implementing the no contact and doing things to make myself happy.
He texts me “hi” on week 2, and I see on spotify that he is listening to sad songs about breakups and missing someone.
I don’t answer, and on day 23, I call him at 4 am and text saying I saw something that reminded me of one of our good memories. He answers back “I miss that”
I continue with the rules for contacting and he answers, in short but not negative phrases, and not right away.
And then I break down. I say “I think I need some closure” he says “I thought we already had closure” and I say “I miss the person I thought was my best friend. I didn’t think it would end this way.” he says “I have always been your best friend.” I call and text back “Can you call?” he says “I can’t Im studying with friends” and I say “How did everything go so wrong? I miss snuggling in bed watching our show eating tortilini” and he says “I don’t know”
He has not changed his social media from in a relationship, his photo is still of me on every social media site and he hasn’t asked for his things back. Why am I the one who is doing all the work when he’s the one who did something wrong? What should I do? I need your help. He comes home for a month in two weeks, do I wait to contact him until then? Or should I just text him a friendly text like nothing happens a week from the day we had our most recent conversation where I say I miss him? Or do I text wishing him luck on his exams on Monday?

Jillian

December 9, 2016 at 1:21 am

UPDATE: I texted him after 3/4 days saying “I just thought of a happy memory” and he said “What is it?” and I said the memory about when we stayed up all night talking in Florida and asked him if he remembered it and he responded “I do remember” Do I wait a day or two and try again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 6:27 pm

Hi Jillian,

It’s good that you did the no contact rule but it looks like it was not enough for a restart. You’re the only one making effort because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. So, right now, there’s still might be a little thought in him that thinks you’re trying to get him back. He doesn’t really think you’re moving on but you did mention to him that you just missed your best friend. Are you still continually improving yourself? Are you active in posting in social media? Will he think you’re moving on and improving? Will he regret leaving you?

Jamie

December 7, 2016 at 12:31 am

Hi Chris or Amor,
Trying to keep this simple, my situation is in a way related with the podcast here. Also, I have purchased and am currently involved in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery pro steps. I broke up with my ex because I admitted that I didn’t love myself enough to love him and that he wasn’t changing either, since he wasn’t motivated and I just wanted him to get a job. From that day, around October 2016, a month went by without any contact and when I texted him, he said “I was about to text you. I was thinking of you and I actually passed your house a few times the previous weeks.” At the time I had not been looking into any methods of getting him back cause I was thinking that he still had feelings for me. We decided to meet up and talk, and he said that he thought I was trying to bait him back, but I said I wasn’t. I told him that I did have feelings for him still, but I knew that we broke up for a reason. I told him I needed more time with no contact, because he said he had moved on and that we were over. But I still had feelings and he wanted to be friends. The next day I bombarded him with texts, like an idiot, and he got really upset saying he didn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore, but he still cared. Like an idiot, I asked “Did you love me these four years?”. He said “of course!”, and then he said, if we can’t do six months apart, let’s do three. I disagreed, and said we should try to not do no contact (because that’s what I heard from another dating adviser). And he just never responded (not blocking me though). I don’t want to lose the love of my life, I don’t deal with communication well and I was scared. Now, it’s been a week since that day I texted him and I haven’t said anything trying to grasp to being independent and loving myself, while also holding dearly onto this program. It feels like the days are slower and I’m emotionally turbulent, but it’s getting better. I just need to know that because he wanted to do a three month rule, should I abide by that or still try to contact him in 30-45 days?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 7:34 pm

Hi Jamie,

I think you need to accept first that he’s not inlove with you anymore. He has moved on. So now, all he wants before being friends with you is to be sure that you have moved on too. For me you should do at least 45 days but you have to really improve yourself during and after nc. Aim to be the ungettable girl.

Barbara

November 22, 2016 at 10:37 am

Hey, I don’t know if it is the right place to write down my question… I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 months and we went through a major argument last sunday (because of a huge misunderstanding). We both were wrong, I apologised saying I’m willing to talk this through, but at the same time I was sick. He said we should wait until I get better and talk about “us”. The thing is, for the past months, a day hasn’t gone without him sending the first “good morning” text. And since that argument, no more texts or news (knowing that I was sick and I find it kind of rude not hearing from him and asking how I am doing). Anyways, my last text was thursday night and he said we will talk once I’m not sick anymore. Now, I’m completely fine and I don’t know what to do? This is the first time we don’t talk for that long and I don’t know what to do anymore. Go like “Hey, I’m fine, can we talk” or just wait for him to come back? I know he is very mad at me but does it mean it’s over? I’m confused. God, men are so confusing.

Barbara

November 28, 2016 at 9:44 am

He is a radio host, a lot is going on with his work right now and I’m afraid to catch him at the wrong time … And I don’t know how to bring the subject. “Hey can we talk about us” seems a little bit harsh.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 3:09 am

Yeah..I understand..but set a time limit on until when you would wait..if you see each othet in person, bring it up when he’s in the best mood
Barbari

November 25, 2016 at 3:39 pm

Yes, I did talk to him , telling him I was doing good and asking about how he was going. Seems like things are quite hectic with him at work, and I didn’t want to bother him. We haven’t mentionned our relationship, the whole convo was about work and problems at work. I was the last to text two days ago and I haven’t heard from him yet. I guess I will just leave like this and wait for him to come around. I don’t wanna be the pushy one asking where we are heading. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 6:16 pm

actually what I meant is to talk about the relationship.. Time it right because if you don’t talk about it, then how long are you going to wait?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Hi Barbara,
have you talked?

Lisa

November 14, 2016 at 8:35 am

so ive completed the no contact stage and insome ways it worked well. about 4 days after the 30 days of NC we saw each other out as it was a kind of festival day her in Australia (Melbourne Cup; its a horse race the basically the whole of Australia shuts down for on the 1st Tuesday of Nov every year; kinda like an Aussi tradition) anyays…we saw each other out as we were both celebrating; he’d been at work before the race so i was a little more jovial then he was. He actually saw my boss who is also a very close friend of mine and asked her where i was and if I was with her exc…i kind of was, i was due to meet her not long after he saw, she texted me saying to hurry up B/F is asking of me and for me…
once i arrived at the venue we natuarally saw each other as it was kind of difficult not too and we both sat and talked. We both apologised for our places in the ultimate argument and we had a really great afternoon together in each others company. There were a few small incidents of which i was a little emotional that arose due to other people putting thier opinions in tot our situation. we got past them quiet quickly though and remianded to have a great time. we left the veue together and went to his house to hang out and just chat. I didnt stay the nightt, i left around midnight. Now though he seems to have gone “quiet” again. I did however leave a jacket at his that was and honest forget and i would like it back cause i’d only just brought it and that was the firt time i’d worn it.
His situation is a little hard due to him having quiet the horror of a year.
i kind of feel like i missed a few steps and now that he’s gone quiet and somewhat cold again im unsure how to approch the sitaution.
Also every time i try to send even a starting message ive no idea what to say. I dont really want to bring up the past issues and in a simple way would love to be able to start fresh…should i go back to NC? how long for?
so very confused! sometimes i feel like giving up but i honestly do know i love him and he is “my 1″and i miss him with a fierc-ness ive never experienced.
please advise
Lisa

Lisa

November 17, 2016 at 6:03 am

so ive started to compile some ideas for my text messages in relation to his interests exc. Thing is though there is mention of starting it with something like “you’ll never guess what?” I hate to say it but not much happens thats excititng in my life (hahah) how would i combat this. I work in Accounting and not a llot happenes on a day to day basis.
Also ifeel that i should do another lot of no contact but only for a shortened time. The 30 days worked but as i mentioned in my about post he has shaded out on me. Would 14 days or 21 days be suitible. in the 30 days i even limited what he could see on my social media; without deleting him or anything, but i restricted what he could see and even to see whether i was online or not. i returned my social media to allow him to see everything around a week before the 30 days were up. I would probebly do this again couse it seems easier for me to stick tot he no contact.
cheers
L.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 17, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hmm what are his interests? Anything current?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 9:48 pm

Hi Lisa,

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
it doesn’t have to be a memory. Think about his interests and talk about that or what’s current that’s interesting for him.

famrion

November 13, 2016 at 7:05 pm

Hi thanks for helping ok i left few comment on different pagest but dosent see that . so my ex erased my number and i didnt replie him but then he on to telegram and find out who i am said hi so next day i left message for him and interesting happening to me and he asked me i dont get number for other guy that seemd he car about me in first time so he respond positively so in this day i dont know what to do next? was it that mean he loves me? Sorry for my bad english I am from iran

famrion

November 15, 2016 at 6:11 pm

Hi i did nc 13 days we have been together 3 month. i am not improve complatly but doing well, advices are very helpful and useful so good for me I try to do them but situtians are very various.so when he asked me those things i showed him interests but said I am not ready for that yet he says ok next time see you bye now, after that and two days i didnt text him so he didnt text me now what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 10:14 pm

I think you need to restart count. Because the most important part of no contact is that you improve yourself, and that you don’t look like you’re just waiting for him to text you. Try a full set of 21 days.
famrion

November 13, 2016 at 8:00 pm

we once kissed each other and touching and hug cuddle just that have sexually job we did and he asked me again those things that is so quickly happen and i dont know what to do ? i just did first contact message.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 8:24 pm

Hi Famrion,

how long did you do nc amd nd did you improve yourself? What do you think about the advice above?

Catherine

November 12, 2016 at 8:36 am

Hi EBR Team!!!
First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for all of the incredible help!! I don’t know what I would do without y’all! Just to give you a little background, my boyfriend and I dated for 11 months and we broke up a little over a month ago. He said he wanted to still be friends and so I tried talking to him a few days after the break up (just as friends) but he was weird and distant, so I immediately went into the No-Contact Period. I successfully completed my 30 day no-contact period and I sent him a text today for the first time. I used your advice for how to send the perfect first text message, reminding him of a time we went rollerskating together and I told him a friend and I were talking about going rollerskating and it make me think of him for the first time in awhile. Well, he seemed to respond positively to my text message, saying “haha yes I do remember!” and I was so excited to see that it made him laugh! I kept it cool and said “Haha I was so clumsy it was awful.” I planned to end the conversation there but then he actually made an effort to keep the conversation going, saying: “It was fun. So what have you been up to?” So I gave him just a very brief 2 sentence update, telling him I’ve kept myself very busy and I mentioned a couple of things coming up that I’m really excited about, and then ended the text asking “what about you?” and I never got a response. I know he saw it because he has his “Read Receipts” on, but he didn’t say anything. I’m so scared! Did I do something wrong? Should I have ended the conversations sooner? I was glad to see that he was actually trying to keep the conversation going, but now I’m just more confused than ever. When should I try to contact him again? Thank you!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 12:47 am

Hi Catherine,

hmm, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe he didnt know what to say or his life is not really that eventful in the last days.. try again after 3-5 days.. List out interesting things for him, those that he always loved talking about..

Amanda

October 28, 2016 at 2:13 pm

I just ended NC. I couldn’t figure out what to send so I asked him to swap our stuff and catch up in about a week. He said that would be fine and that he thinks he’s ready. But then he called me to tell me that he’s not coming to my/our mutual friend’s party on the weekend. I wasn’t even expecting him to come. Why would he make a point of saying we should do separate things?! (Did I freak him out with the meet up?). I would have loved to build up suspense with texts but I wasn’t sure where to start because I cut him out of my life. Thing is we’re broken up but we’re also on a break. He broke it off with me whereas I wanted some space to sort my own things out. He wanted to stay friends, have sex, and not date anyone in the foreseeable future. I said this was cool only if we worked on us, otherwise no. He was okay with this as long as there was no relationship expectations. So we compromised and I was okay with it because I was about to go on holiday, so we would have space and then we could revisit everything after (I was hoping space would make us see each other’s point of view on this). So during our time a part, we texted a bit (he seemed unsure as to whether he could talk with me at first). We didn’t do this regularly but it was good when we did. There was no relationship talks. I then brought up a funny memory and he didn’t respond. So I decided to properly cut contact (I didn’t want to be the dangling cake – its the sex thing that bothered me). So when I got back from holiday, I never called him like I was supposed to and waited a month. So now I don’t know how to text him with all of this unfinished business. When I do text him, he replies but doesn’t ask questions. He’s not taking the bait. I’ve also heard that he’s gone really wild since we broke up (he is not a partyer- or wasn’t when we were together. He was “over it” and I was the one who went out with friends on the weekends). I don’t know if he’s decided this is a total breakup or if I hurt him. Then again he wasn’t calling me either? (But I know he feels guilty too so maybe he wouldn’t). Another thing I heard is that our card group (mutual friends but his) won’t set up a game because they’re scared I won’t go and that will hurt him?! I feel like everything is backwards and I don’t know how to approach this. Should I stay positive or bring up this weird situation when I see him. Should I say sorry for not contacting him? Should I postpone the date and go back into texts? (I didn’t even realize but we’re meeting up on our anniversary – so for sentimental reasons I don’t want to change this but I told him I might not be free and would call him on the day to confirm). (Also I was wanting an evening meet up on a weekday and it sounds like he would prefer to meet during the day on his day off? – this also seems weird to me) Should I see him and then jump back into texts and/or work on date 2? And how do I get him to talk. I feel silly sending messages because its so obvious that I cut contact and now I want him back. Also, it’s super hard coming up with reasons to text him. IM CONFUSED. And the vibe I’m getting right now is that he’s closed off. So how the hell do I break through that? I just need help with the plan of attack. I’m not sure where I stand right now at all. This is harder than NC. I want my bf who I can talk openly and honestly with again. … and I guess this is exactly the reason you build up to the date (I want my stuff back too though).

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2016 at 2:15 am

Hi Amanda,

I’m confused too.. When and why did you break up? So, you mean you broke up but then you agreed to be friends with benefits but you never pushed thorough with it? And why are you meeting on you’re supposed anniversary? Who initiated that meet and when was that raised?

Puzzled

October 27, 2016 at 11:39 pm

Great! Thank you, Amor! I will check that out! Do you mind deleting my first message? I used exact phrases, so I just don’t want them out in internet land…just in case…
Thank you!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2016 at 1:25 am

Ok! You’re welcome!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 27, 2016 at 7:52 pm

Hi Puzzled,

Try to check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Puzzled

November 4, 2016 at 3:46 am

Thanks again Amor! For both deleting the initial message as well as for your recommendation. I consulted the page you provided and started from scratch using tide theory and it worked. I initiated contact on days 1, 2, 4 & 5. Then, just as it was suggested, he initiated contact on day 6. When he did that I said to myself “this is f*ing crazy – It worked!” I’m somewhat bewildered. Haha. Thank you!! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 12:43 am

hahahaha! That’s great!

Andream

October 13, 2016 at 1:31 pm

My ex broke up with me few weeks back over a few comments l had said which he didn’t like, I however have apologised and knew l was in the wrong should have thought first. He has ignorened me and unanswered my texts. But then he texts me after l leave him a few days saying l want to be with you but we need to talk. This has been a few weeks now, I’ve said to him when do you want to talk he keeps saying he will when l stop going on about this all the time. I’m hurt as he’s played mind games saying he wants me back, then he wants to talk, plus he texts me random messages mostly about him but when l talk about us he ignores me. I’m at the end of the road what can l do?? Any suggestions l would love to hear. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 7:04 pm

Hi Andream

I think you should try no contact.. try 21 days

Caxx

October 11, 2016 at 8:29 pm

Hi, just have a question, I am in no contact, 7days to be exact, my ex has me blocked on what apps and his phone, I don’t care cause I’m not trying to message him anyway.

Last night, I went to our chat on facebook and accidentally sent a thumbs up!!! I left it alone, cause I’m not breaking no contact.

So today after I post an awesome pic of myself on fb, I go to my messages and he sends a thumbs up back(I have his messages on mute, so I got It way after he sent it)

We are not friends on fb, I removed him, so In order to respond he had to ‘accept’ my message request.

Will I have to start no contact all over? What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 8:38 pm

HI Caxx,

lol.. nope, don’t worry..

Adelaide

October 9, 2016 at 10:12 pm

So i have a slightly different issue with my ex to the above article. I’ve been seeing him for about a month now and everything is going great! He almost said i love you and quickly changed it to like while we were curled up on the sofa together. Neither of us are ready to say that to each other.
However, everytime my phone goes off he looks over my shoulder to see who’s messaging me. Since my male friend of over 10yrs recently broke up with his fiancee, he’s messaging me more than usual. Him and my ex never got along, and the arguments between them and over them, caused a large divide between me and my ex. I see both of their sides and I feel stuck in the middle between them both. But my ex is even going as far as to suggest that all of the male friends i have are interested in me in a romantic way (because I’m adorable and irresistable – his words), and despite my reassurances, and even pointing out that most of his friends are female, he simply won’t have it. He always becomes moody and sulks with me. Nothing seems to work.
Now he wants to me to cut all contact with my friend. I have no idea what to do right now and nothing I’ve tried to reassure him with has worked.

Is there anything I can do? Any advice would be great! x

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 9:53 am

Hi Adelaide,

include him.. ask for his advice.. be honest with him that you understand what he’s feeling but the truth you’re just friends, and now you actually think it would be better if he’s the one who’s going to help your friend because he has fellow guy’s perspective

M

October 8, 2016 at 4:58 pm

Hey I drunk texted my ex yesterday night. That I am horny after returning from the party idk why. And he replied me Good morning. So what should I do ? Should I text him sorry I was not in my right mind and then go to No Contact or should I just directly go into a No Contact rule? Would be great if you can suggest me something cause I am embarrassed.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 5:39 pm

HI M,

yeah, I think you should tell him that it was a drunken text and go into no contact rule..

Meg

October 6, 2016 at 9:41 pm

I actually think she has a great chance here to be honest. She can just change her number, get a Google Voice or use one of those apps that give you a custom number and text him on it. Just never use the same words EVER in your conversations. Keep that embarrassing act to yourself.

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