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Betty Salt PLEASE HELP
February 18, 2016 at 9:53 pm
I know you receive a lot of questions, so I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible. He and I were together for 10 months. I cheated on him (kissed and held hands with someone else only). I felt guilty and admitted to it. He got very angry, but decided he wanted to work through it. I kept hanging out with the person (as friends only), and ended up admitting it to him. He then broke up with me. A few days later, he desperately begged for me back, and even after I told him to give me more time, he rushed me, so not being completely sure of what I wanted, i told him we were not good for each other. After 2 weeks of silence, I begged for him back, realizing I had made a huge mistake, but he told me no (that I had broken his heart, trust, and made him humiliated). It has now been an additional 14 days since we have spoken, as I am implementing the NC rule. My question is, his birthday is in 2 days. Given the situation, should I say anything to him or stay silent? It will have only been 16 days of NC rule. I know that I am the one at fault, so I’m struggling with whether to show I care or to hide it. And finally, the magical question, do I even have a chance? How good of a chance?
Betty Salt PLEASE HELP
March 11, 2016 at 5:08 pm
I just wanted to say thank you. As someone who cheated and was trying to get my ex back, I was definitely losing hope, but after following all of your advise, he’s now talking to me again and wants to work things out. It has been exactly 2 months since he and I split up, and it was certainly a process, but things are looking good from here.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 11:08 am
You’re welcome! I’m happy he’s talking to you again!
Betty Salt PLEASE HELP
March 4, 2016 at 2:05 pm
Okay, so it has been about 30 days, so I sent my ex a message, and he responded. I’m not really sure where to go from here though. What do I do next? Here is the convo: “I was packing up my room the other day and found ticket stubs from a concert we went to, and it obviously made me think of you. Honestly, it really made me smile. I’m happy and grateful that I got to experience so many interesting and exciting things with you. I hope you’re doing well.” And he said, “you too, take care”. I said “thank you”. I thought about waiting a couple of days and telling him about a funny experience I had at the karaoke bar (a place we used to spend time together), or I could send him a message genuinely apologizing to him about my actions during the relationship. I already did the apology before the nc rule, but im wondering if it will have a bigger impact now. I’m not sure what to do from here. Help please!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 7:03 am
if you’ve already apologized..that will do.. focus on making the next text more engaging.. don’t say or ask on the karaoke text of he remembers how you spent time together there, one remembrance is enough for now..it has to be in a way that he will desribe or tell a story…like starting the text with, “hey what’s up,I went to the karaoke bar and blah blah..”
Betty Salt PLEASE HELP
February 19, 2016 at 1:59 pm
I have cut ties with the other person, but I suppose there isn’t any way for my ex to know that. Does it matter if he knows? Also, just to confirm, telling him happy birthday does not break NC? I thought the point of NC was no contact at all, so I just want to be absolutely sure it won’t mess up my chances. If I do say happy birthday to him, should I do it somewhere less personal like on his Facebook wall, or actually text it to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 6:57 am
For me as long as it’s just happy birthday and no talking..hmm yeah it’s better if it’s less personal so there’s less chance of a talk
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 9:46 am
Hi Betty salt,
it’s ok of you’re just greeting him but don’t engage a talk with him and also, you have to cut all ties with the other guy so, you will have a better chance after nc
May
February 6, 2016 at 11:29 am
I was in a LDR and cheated on my ex, I didn’t want to lie or keep anything from him so I almost immediately told him. He asked no questions about anything, it was just over. That was about a month ago… we were only together about three months but we already said “I love you”. In that time, we got to meet once for only a day and it was about a week or two into the relationship. Anyway, after a day, he messaged me and said to give him time and “the best course is to start over from the beginning. Friends.” Before I went into NC (it’s been about 10 days), we kind of talked and he would respond, we even had a skype call. I’m just not really sure if he actually meant that we could start over from the beginning and work our way back to being together or if he just said it to be nice. I’m just really unsure of what to do altogether.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 12:58 pm
He’s right, you have to start over as friend and if he’s telling the truth, you have to cut all ties with the other guy. and most of the effort will likely come from you to regain trust.
Alana
February 6, 2016 at 12:46 am
Hi Chris,
I really like your site, I find it very helpful. I want to apologize in advantage if my grammar is not proper, English is not my first language.
So, thing is, I cheated on my boyfriend four months ago. I was flirting with a coworker and didn’t expected for that to happen. But I let it happen: he touched my leg and I touched his back. Then he touched my crotch and I didn’t want him to, but I couldn’t stop him. I was paralized since we were in a car with more people in it and I didn’t want to make them notice the situation. Then I went home and told my boyfriend just a bit of what happened. He was pissed for a week and then forgave me. A month ago I told him a little more, but not everything again because I was too afraid. Two days later we were ok. Last week I told him all of it, and the crotch touching was considered as a full cheating act in his eyes. Well, he said he needed to think and that we will met up in his house later to go to his mother’s birthday. And the next day we had planned a date. He later cancelled all those things and said he needed space and that he didn’t want yo go with me to Europe (we have planned vacations for next week). I tried to convince him very calmly but he just won’t listen. The other day ge said he was thinking about the trip, but didn’t want to be with me anymore. I tried to convince him again, but it didn’t work. I want to clarify that these conversations were by messages, never in person. He wanted to me up in person but I said I didn’t want to talk to him until he have dropped the anger away and also that I was very busy at work to worry about this. Two days ago he said he want to talk in person again. I tell him again that I couldn’t, and call him at night. I was really calm and told him that I was very sorry about this, that I want him back but I don’t want to push, that I want him to come to Europe with me and think about this when we were home. I also tell him that this situation was enterely my fault and it was caused by my insecurities which had nothing to do with him. He said he has decided to break up, that I’m not gonna change his mind, but ge will be going to Europe with me as a friend. I told him I understand but that I wanted to Keep is mind open to a other idea. He said that he don’t think it will worth the effort. I said him I feel like a new person and that I want him to allow me demostrate it. He accepted to have “date” with the new me tomorrow. I told him I have bought the tickets and just now he replied ‘ok’.
What should I do? How do I act around him? Why should I say? What are we gonna do about this situation un Europe? Thank a lot for your time 🙂
Alana
February 6, 2016 at 5:17 pm
Amor, thanks for replying. I ask him for a chance to met the new me in a date, and he a tree but doesn’t show excitement at all. I haven’t see him since I told him the entire truth and I’m going to see him im a few hours. He ask me before we talk on the phone and agree to have a date to bring his clothes and stuff he had in my place. I asked him the same. I a little insecure about that right now… But since I agree that out previous relationship is dead I’d like to denmostrate him that I’m able to go throught this. I would like to show him that I’m not begging him to take me back, that I’m not an insecure and desperate person and I asume my mistakes but I’m not going to punish myself for that. Anyway I am very nervious :/
We have scheduled our trip for next Saturday.
Thanks a lot for your time again!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Okay, if you only have a week, even though you can’t really do full nc, at least make that week like it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 2:35 pm
Hi Alana,
YOu managed to get him agree on a date but is it because he really liked to go with or he just agreed to go? How do you picture yourself demonstrating the new you? How many days from now is the Europe trip?
Leah
January 23, 2016 at 4:18 am
Hey,
I had an affair on my long distance boyfriend that I met online. He found out when he visited me for the very first time one month ago. Immediately, he asked for answers and I told him everything. However, he still doubts my honesty because of the extent of which I tried to hide the affair. I have cut all ties with the person I had the affair with. I have tried giving my ex-boyfriend space. I don’t want to bother him. I don’t text or call first. However, he has contacted me every day since finding out. More and more. He is devastated that I could do what I did. He hates that I am that kind of person. Especially, because he considers our relationship to be the happiest time of his life and doesn’t think he could find someone like me. He feels that, by moving on, he would be settling for less. I can say the same. I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I have sent him letters and I have voiced my regret to him many times. But, he feels as though I am only sticking around because I feel bad and he thinks that I may have done more wrong than I am letting on. He thinks that soon after he stops talking to me, I will give up on him and possibly pursue the kind of lifestyle that enabled the affair. I try to express that I have changed. My actions have caused me great unhappiness. I have really defined myself coming out of this. I know the kind of life I want to lead. I want to pursue my dreams with him alongside me. I would never make the same mistakes again and I have voiced that to him many times. He tells me that he’d never get back with me. He tells me he wants to, but he’d be stupid to. There have been so many occasions where he says he will no longer speak to me. But, then he messages me the next day asking me how he could ever let me go. He tells me he loves me. He tells me he wishes he never met me. He tells me he couldn’t be happier with anyone else. He tells me he has to force himself to leave me. He’s struggling with how he should proceed. I’ve hurt him so much, yet he still loves me. But, he thinks he’d be stupid to stay with me because of what I have done that has caused him so much pain. What do I do? How can I show him that I want to reestablish our open and honest communication? How can I show him that I’m genuine? How can I show him that it wouldn’t be a mistake to come back to me? I’ve never felt so certain in wanting to pursue something in my entire life. This experience has really realigned my values. I want this man in my life. I want to be the one to make him his happiest. What can I do? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2016 at 3:37 pm
Hi Leah,
The least you can do is send a heartfelt message of assurance and then after that I think it can help if you share more about your day a little. A video clip, A short event of an interesting thing that happened. If things work out, whenever you meet up do new things. Build new memories but if you really can’t have a proper talk. Give him space but be sure you’ve sent that heartfelt and sincere assurance to him, so he can think about it.
Trice
January 18, 2016 at 8:13 am
Hey! My ex dumped me because he thought I was cheating ( I was). It was going to b an untold secret but he said some mean things n I spilled the beans. I’m not proud of cheating, I actually really regret it. However, n this may seem crazy, but iI’m still seeing the guy I cheated on him with even though Im not really interested in him. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. We spoke once n that Convo was terrible. He was livid, but he did continue to text until we agreed to never speak again. I think about him all the time and if I should try getting him back or if I should let it go. We had been dating off and on for 4 yrs with a few disagreements but I think this one took the cake. I cheated, I feel bad, i still want him but i kno he hates me. Should I move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 8:36 am
Hi Trice,
Do you want to move on? If not, go with NC period. Let the negative emotions subside
Mia
January 17, 2016 at 6:56 pm
Hi, Jennifer,
thanks, I know, I’ve already done everything rigth when we broke up the first time but I’m not sure how to deal with this situation. Should I move and forget about him? I really love him but he is pushing me away, he lies about his feelings and we lasted only two months after reconciliation… Am I fool for wanting a third chance? Is it even possible to last after two break ups?
Mia
January 19, 2016 at 1:30 pm
*despite his behaviour, not despise, wrong spelling 🙂
Mia
January 19, 2016 at 1:24 pm
Thanks Amor. I’ve read all arcticles on this blog, some of them several times and I know the procedure but I would like if you or Chris of Jennifer could write something about trying hard in relationship when you got ex back. Because, I’ve read those texts and I was trying to do everything right and show my affection and love but he was refusing sex, I always initiated it and also, I was the one hugging and kissing him much more…
Chris wrote that after you got your ex back it is very important to implement Five languages of love and so on but my ex was annoyed with my affection because he wasn’t ready for living together and my presence obviously annoyed him. So I am wondering, is it possible to not be ready for living together or is this some lame excuse and he would me treat me the same if we were just seeing each other?
I wanted him to feel loved and wanted but he didn’t appreciate that, even though he says he was in love with me during that time, despise his behaviour.
My biggest question is, do I have play games in the relationships? Because, getting ex back is sort of a game, hot and cold game and I wonder, do guys really need a girl to be hot and cold and a little unavailable to stay deeply in love with her? I would really like sincere answer because even if I don’t suceed in getting my ex back, I would like to know for the future relationships. My mother was always telling me that guy must love me more than I love him and I always thought that was bullshit but after some experiences where guys shut themselves down after they got me, I wonder if that was true…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 10:34 am
Hello again Mia,
First, are you back and living together now or you’re pertaining to events before you broke up?
It is possible that someone is not ready yet to live together with somebody but if he refuses sex all the time, that’s a different issue. There is a problem if he always refused your requests.
The key to relationships is that both of you should be a good addition to each other’s lives.Not a burden. Not a responsibility.
Since women are more emotional, when we fall in love we tend become so in love, we lose balance in our life and all we want to do is be with the one we love. Men, then tend to think you’re a responsibility if you turn like that.
Man or Woman, we should always keep ourselves and our lives intact away from our partners. We should have our own identity, because come to think of it, he were attracted to you at first because of your good traits. Be that physical or personality wise.But most of the time, when we get comfortable in a relationship, we lose that. We forget to do new things for ourselves. We don’t grow. We just want to be with our partners all the time and do things together all the time. Sometimes we even stop tending to our look.So, in a sense, we lose the person they were attracted to. People are attracted to the things they want to have or they want to be or they think are the same as them.
Nobody wants a person who’s needy.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 2:30 pm
Hi Mila
No, you’re not a fool. You’re just willing to try again. It doesn’t matter how many breakups you had or going to have. what matters is if both people in the relationship are willing to make it last one more time.
Keira
January 13, 2016 at 10:09 am
Hi, I was casually seeing a guy 2 years ago for 6 months until I found out he was still in an unhappy relationship with his baby mumma, he moved far away and they broke up not long after he made contact with me recently saying he still always thinks about me and is ready for something serious now, he paid for me to go see him and said he wanted to be with me. I agreed we could try even though would be very long distance. It was very new I had to go overseas to take my daughter to see her Dad ( my ex). He was convinced I would cheat on him we fought when I was there and then he stopped making contact we had a kind of break up text in the end I slept with my ex, I instantly regretted it I told him and he is furious saying he knew it and was testing me and making out I cheated but I said he froze me out and we weren’t together. I acted really desperate calling and texting trying to explain for a week I want him back but he doesn’t want anything to do with me now. Do you think there is any chance of getting him back and because its my daughters dad?
Jennifer Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 10:24 pm
Is he still in a relationship with her? When is the last time you spoke to him?
(P.S. I am helping Chris out with his comments so more people will get answered)
Konfused
January 10, 2016 at 4:22 am
I have written on here before. A few posts ago actually. After NC I sent an email describing all I didn’t get to say when he dumped me. I realised after I sent it that I may have sounded nasty but it was too late. That night I got a missed call on private and it wasn’t from my family/friends. But because I missed it I may never find out. Each day that I looked at my phone and saw no msg I became resentful and used his email to sign him up for silly stuff. It sounds terrible, but I thought a negative reaction would still be a reaction…but nothing…either he doesn’t know it’s me or just doesn’t care. He’d said all this shit about how he was about to give up on love before he found me yet it was so easy for him to ‘give up on me’. I only have his email, his number is deleted and we share no mutual friends so idunno how or even if it’s worth contacting him again. What do I do? I really think my anger got the better of me
Konfused
January 17, 2016 at 7:13 pm
It wasn’t a text it was an email, it’s my only way of contact..because he deleted his Facebook and I deleted his number. No there was no cheating, and he didn’t really give me an excuse as to why we broke up (we were only together 6 weeks). I cracked it at him for looking up a very trashy girl on Facebook while he was with me and then after he said he sees me more like a friend/sister which is absolute crap..he was always all over me. He likes golf, I don’t know how to bring that up in an email?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 9:31 am
Go around the “by the way” tone, make casual. Maybee about things he can use for golf or events.. Those that can benefit him, or ask for advice about it,
Jennifer Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 10:30 pm
After no contact you should really send him a text that is more positive. You have to take it more slowly. Rebuilding attraction takes a lot of time. What was the exact cause of the breakup? Cheating?
Wait two weeks and then send him a text that would make him feel good. What are his interests?
Erika
January 3, 2016 at 8:45 pm
Hi Chris! I want to stay in NC but I have a trip with my friends starting on the 16th and he’s part of the group. I and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago. I broke my NC after a week but now I’m in NC again for more or less a week now. How do I do with the trip? Just ignore him? Well, I’m not even sure if he’s coming with us but just in case he decides to go, what should I do?
So a little background, he and I was supposedly going to a temporary breakup. I was going through a lot of stress that time and I wasn’t able to control my outburst. I think he took that as me permanently breaking it off. When I tried to apologize, he didn’t even want to talk to me. I made the breakup mistakes. Haha! Text gnat, call gnat, pleading, even meeting him unannounced. I tried to go NC but broke it after a week and sent him a letter and few more texts and calls. In that one week, he met with his ex and went on a date. This ex was an “in between girl.” I’m not really sure how to interpret or describe this but basically, this girl is someone whom he dumped before so he could go back to his ex before me. Now , my ex is with her until she goes back to Australia after a week. He went on and posted a photo with her just days afyer we broke up. I’m not sure if he’s already in a relationship with her again. He has this “I don’t like talking to an ex.” attitude but went on a date with her and now spending a week with her. Do you think that this is still a case of rebound relationship? Or it’s possible that they really rekindled the old flame and just forgot about me within 2 weeks? We dated for 10 months and I don’t really think that our relationship was bad. His family likes me so much as well and they were geniunely shocked that we broke up. I’m still in contact with his mom and insists that we go out in few days. A part of me hopes we’d fix things between us but I’m also learning to live my life without him. Haha! So I really want to go on doing NC for a while.
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:32 pm
Maybe you might have to do some form of limited contact in this case. If he is part of the trip I mean.
Still trying
December 29, 2015 at 4:53 am
Hi Chris, not related to this article, but can you please write an article based on ‘what to do if you and your ex were fighting all the time, but you think it will be different this time’ OR ‘what to do if you made your old relationship high maintenance’. Sounds like i’m a bit of a lost cause aye? But you said to never give up!
Thanks!
Sam
January 19, 2016 at 9:15 am
I mean, we’ve been broken up for 4 months now. Did NC (for ourselves) and then got back in touch. There’s been not much talk about getting back together. But a lot of signs. Regardless of the situation, I think we’ve both come a long way. We’ve both voiced our ‘regrets’ from the relationship. And we’ve both been reaching goals and defining who we are without eachother. But I still feel like there’s a lot of love there. Basically my question is – how would we go about resuming things – IF pointless fighting was the issue. His ‘taste’ of our relationship can’t be THAT bad if we’re still in contact? Everything’s been positive since? But I’m scared we’ll fall back in our ways. What’s best to avoid that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 10:38 am
Hi Still Trying,
It’s ok to be scared. It will make you avoid things that can harm you, or in this case the relationship. You just need to keep the fear in a sensible level. If everything has been positive since, then ride the flow. Arguments can be avoided in a relationship, you just need to it manageable. It’s actually a sign of a healthy relationship as long as it’s not abusive.
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:35 pm
Hi There,
I love hearing new ideas for articles.
Question. What exactly do you mean when you say “you think it will be different this time?”
Like if you fought a ton in your first relationship and if you got back together you think you wouldn’t fight anymore?
Zana
December 22, 2015 at 1:17 pm
Hey Chris, so my situation isn’t directly related to this post at all, but I thought I would comment on your most recent post. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago after being together for 6 years. In these past 5 months, I have changed for the better and feel like I am happier within myself.
Right, so during these 5 months, there was on and off communication, mostly from him starting the conversations with funny pics etc. But then it got to a point where it was all a bit too confusing for me so I entered a strict NC which is still on going and is 2 months now. Last night he contacted me out of the blue and said…
“I haven’t missed anything as much as I miss you right now. I’m sorry.”
This was so, so shocking to me, because he is an introvert and he hasn’t mentioned anything at all like this since we’ve broken up. I have not responded to this yet and don’t know if I should, what do you think I should do at this point? I still love him and would love another chance with him, but I really don’t know what to do or say to him. All I can say is that a strict NC is just the best thing to do to heal and make your ex miss you, and I have definitely learnt this from you and your brilliant site.
Please help! I don’t know how to respond to him. Thank you.
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:41 pm
I think you should stay in NC for a few more days and then break it by contacting him. But keep that interaction very short.
Tamy
December 20, 2015 at 1:17 am
Sad to say nothing worked. Couldnt get the second date as usual he ditched on me stood me up and made up an excuse with some other plan not to go. Im over it. My self steam cant take any more. He doesnt want me and im ok with that.
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:36 pm
How many times did he stand you up total?
And sometimes it’s better to have the kind of clarity you seem to have now especially if you were caught in limbo before.
Laura
December 17, 2015 at 4:19 pm
Hi Chris,
Thank you so much for your amazing advice! Not only has it gotten me great results with my ex… but I also feel better about myself – less needy, more empowered, and more sure that even if things don’t go forward with me & him, I will meet the right person down the road.
That being said, I do believe my ex and I are meant to be. We have a long history – in fact, I’ve already gotten him back once! This time around, the end was very difficult. He kept telling me he “didn’t see a future” and that he “needed time to find himself,” but then begging me to stay! It was very confusing. Finally, I forced myself to leave him …by going on a date with another man. Not my proudest moment, but I didn’t know how else to force myself out of a very painful situation.
We did no contact for a month, and since then I’ve been doing my best to follow your advice – I even bought your ungettable girl email course! The results have been good – he got over his initial bitterness, and now we chat fairly frequently. We saw each other in person once and it went well. He apologized for how things ended and is making a concentrated effort to handle his chronic depression and anxiety – which I think is really why the relationship devolved in such a confusing manner. We had some problems (from my perspective, fairly minor), but it’s difficult to be optimistic when you’re depressed.
And therein lies my issue: How to handle an ex who’s depressed? I’m really the only one who knows about his struggle, but I have no wish to become his therapist. I do wish to support him though – can I do that and still retain my ungettable girl status?
Also, some of my positivity feels hurtful to him. Recently he asked me not to remind him of good times (your memory texts) because it hurts too much and he’s trying to move forward. I respect that – and I understand that it comes from a place of regret that he let our relationship go… but he seems so resigned to that! He could have me back! I just don’t know how to motivate him to go for it.
Finally, at what point is it OK to start talking about what went wrong? Is it ever? He definitely seems to want to, but I don’t want to focus on the bad times. And yet… I wouldn’t mind untangling that time, either.
Thank you so much for your site and awesome advice!! Happy holidays!
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:47 pm
I think you need to acquire a lot of patience. Depression has a way of making things longer.
helppp
December 16, 2015 at 8:36 pm
Hi chris
I“m already in my 36 day of no contact, but i don’t want to text him because the last one texting was me and he ignored all the way. Should I wait until christmas or new years to see if he texts me?
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:45 pm
Has he texted you?
Lost
December 16, 2015 at 10:12 am
Hi Chris,
I cheated on my ex, and I have been trying to get him back. So I was doing the NC rule, and yesterday was day 15, which was also my ex’s birthday. One of his friends texted me to ask about us and all that. He told me that my ex was starting to miss me, however not wanting me back yet. That he was still in the stage of slowly forgiving me. So I asked if I should wish him on his birthday and he said yes. So I did. I wished him a ‘Hey, it’s your birthday and I happened to think of you and how we used to celebrate. To be honest, it made me smile. Happy birthday! You’re a really wonderful person. Hope you’re doing well :)’ however he did not reply. The Friend said that his instincts were never wrong, that he felt we would be back together again however it would take a really Long time like 1-2 years. So I asked him to help me with getting my ex back. Later that night this same Friend sent a text that it’s best if I move on and forget about my ex. I asked why? And he said sorry he couldn’t say it, and he never replied to any more of my texts.
What does this mean? I will be restarting my NC all over again but what are my chances of reconciliation?
Please help Chris.
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:51 pm
I wish you hadn’t of wished him a happy birthday during NC…
konfused
December 15, 2015 at 10:03 pm
Hi,
Firstly I did not cheat or anything like that.
This is the most recent post and im growing desperate. I have completed 7 days of my 21 Nc and have not broke it. But I feel my chances are growing impossible…and yes I know you said no situation is but the fact of it is we were close for like 2 months nearly hes the one who made the rash decision to dump me…saying the whole heap of excuses, that he doesnt see us being long term, sees my like a sister, thinks we rushed into things…he should realise im a catch by now…he has seen guys hit on me. I deleted his number and I can’t text him, blocked him on fb but worried by time I unblock him after NC he will be in new relationship…which i cannot deal with.
Konfused
January 5, 2016 at 8:14 am
Well I felt cos we had only been together nearly two months and weren’t in love my chances weren’t great. The fact he said he didn’t see a future with me..I blew it 100% now though cos I signed him up for spam and crap (not that it’s obvious it was me) and when I hadn’t heard from him during nc…when it got to the end of nc with nothing I sent an email stating basically what an idiot he was for letting me go..that night I missed a call from private…it wasn’t my friends or family it might be him..
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:42 pm
What makes you feel that your chances are impossible exactly?
Be as specific as possible fore me.
Halee
December 15, 2015 at 7:51 pm
I apologize if this is crossed posted. I tried posting on the begging article but kept getting an error message and now I cannot see any comments on that post.
I bought my now ex a birthday gift before he broke up with me; I bought it off of Etsy and asked the shop owner to ship it a week before his birthday. Until last night I completely forgot about the purchase until I received an email stating the item had been shipped. I sent the shop owner an email and she cannot reroute the shipping, she did say that my name is nowhere on the gift, Just a thank you from the shop and a note. However he will know that it’s a gift from me (unless he is in complete denial). I have been in NC for 2 weeks so far, do I continue NC and ignore him if he texts me once he receives it, or do I break NC and let him know that it was purchased before we broke up ? I don’t want him to think I am trying to “win” him back with gifts, I feel like a gift would look like begging.
Thank you,
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:45 pm
I am sorry about that Halee…
I am actually in the process of hiring someone to help me with comments since I feel I have done a horrible job.
I would actually permit you to break NC for that one interaction when he receives the gift. Simply say that you bought it before you broke up and then go back into NC.
Mia
December 15, 2015 at 12:12 pm
Chris, I would like to ask you something about living together and personal space. I moved to my long-distance boyfriend and we live together but he isnt’ thrilled about that because even though he isn’t very young, he lived with his parents and last year he moved to his apartment so he obviously misses that time of living alone for a while before moving in together. I moved to his city and looking for a job but we live in a country with very poor economy and it is very hard to find a job. He, on the other hand, works 10 hours daily and needs space when he comes home. I am alone all day and want to spend time with him in the evening and he is very miserable about our relationship. I got him back once, but if we broke up again, I don’t know…
How should I act? He said he wasn’t ready for me to move in but he didn’t want to lose me and we couldn’t be in long-distance relationship anymore because he doesn’t have time for traveling with all his work and I don’t have money now.
Can I prove him with my attitude that living together can be ok for both of us or it is doomed? I’m 30 and he’s 37. Should I leave him alone for a few hours when he comes from work or should I go out? I have some friends in this town but I can’t go out every evening….
Mia
January 5, 2016 at 11:42 am
He left me this summer saying he fell out of love. He admitted yesterday that he lied about that because although he was in love with me, he was afraid that he is gonna screw this relationship like previous ones. We were in LDR but I moved to his city and start looking for a job but now he said he isn’t ready to live with me because he can’t stand that hasn’t his solitude when he comes home from work (he works too much and has a stressful job). He broke up with me again, saying he lost his mind, he can’t live with me and that it’s not important if he loves me or not, he just can’t. Then after I’ve insisted, he admitted he lied about falling out of love this summer because he was afraid I won’t let it go if he says that he is in love but afraid of commitment.
He is not so young, in late thirties, but I’m his first love, his relationships were meaningless. He says he tried so hard to work this out and I mean to him a lot. I love him, I really do, I know he loves me but I don’t know what to do. Should I try to get him back? Third chance?
I am living with him now because in my town I can’t find job, it’s a small town, and I’am waiting for my friend to move in into her house so I can live with her next month. But I am so afraid I’ll ruin every chance staying at his place. How I supposed to act in this case where he loves me and he is ready to lie about that just to push me away. I’ve read your text about NC while living together but I’m not sure how to act. He is very confusing and contradictive because he has fears and thinks I can find better boyfriend but when I show him love, he feels trapped, annoyed and so on, not always, but last two weeks. I don’t know if I do NC while I’m at his place, will he think that I don’t love him and that he was right that I will find better boyfriend? But, if I don’t do NC, that can annoy him, because he is obviously annoyed with me living with him and paying attention to him.
I apologize for my not so great English, I’m not from English speaking area.
Jennifer Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 10:41 pm
Hey Mia, No problem your English is good. You should move out asap if possible. Then start your no contact. You should do no contact for 30 days in this case.
Chris Seiter
January 4, 2016 at 8:43 pm
Just want to make sure I have the situation correct.
Your long distance ex? Are you together are broken up?
And you are living together as of now, right?